The Story Game - Now Kathanified - Announcing the WINNER

[Nynaeve]

Hello people! ;D

 

I am thrilled to present to you the three top entries for the story game. To the ones of you who aren't familiar, the task of these writers was to write a story about Kathana, using at least most of the pre-decided set of words. The sillier the story, the better.

 

Those pre-decided words are as followed: Moist, Quadruple, Idiosyncrasy, Lavish, Pretty, Mushrooms, Flabbergast, Alleviate, Perspire, Bladder, Osteoporosis, Unalienable, Fun, Awe, Sick, Tender, Megalomaniac, Unresistablility, Aardvark, Squishy, Sphincter, Boobalicious, Devil, Crusty, Shortcake, Buffoonery, Flip-Flops, Blueberry, Corpulence, Warf, Spongy, Crocodile, Panda, Hypocritical, Despotic, Ticklish, Giggle, Badonkadonk, Pudding, Drat.

 

I will not be mentioning the name of the writers at the moment, so please read away, enjoy, and pick the story that most amuses you ;D

 

 

 

Entry num.1

 

The Illogical Journey of Kathana

 

It was a fine, clear morning. The sky was blue, the few clouds were puffy and white, and the sun beamed cheerily down upon the figure standing in a pile of blueberries, formerly white flip-flops stained purple.

 

Now, why the blueberries would stain something purple, I have no idea. They should probably be called “bluey-purpleberries.” Much more accurate that way.

 

The figure was actually a human being, or at least, that’s the claim she made. Most human beings wouldn’t seek out a location full of blueberries just so they could stand in them. But I guess that’s just the way this one worked. Go figure.

 

This particular human being was a female. She probably still is. But as we’re functioning in the past tense, she WAS female. Her name was Kathana. She enjoyed dominating people, or, failing that, getting drunk. It all worked out well, in her eyes. Glad they were working properly. Her eyes, I mean.

 

Her hair was the color of pudding, all sorts of pudding, because she definitely loved her pudding. Man, did she love her pudding. It was pretty much her thing. She blew people up sometimes, if they told her that they didn’t like her pudding-colored hair. She was kind of hypocritical that way, because she didn’t really like the color of her hair either. But only she was allowed to dislike it, apparently.

 

And that pretty much sums up our subject. Now that you know about Miss Kathana, let us get on with the story.

 

Kathana shifted her feet in the squishy mess and sighed. She’d love to stand in the blueberries until the sun was high and she began to perspire, but her bladder was unfortunately full. She’d definitely had too much to drink last night. Fun times had ensued, but she’d fallen asleep before she could make it to the restroom. When she woke up, she didn’t even notice the urge she had to pee, because a far more overwhelming desire had driven her to find the blueberries. Now she was compelled to find a restroom, or a secluded bush, and fast.

 

As she strode across the ground, Kathana realized that she was grateful not to have suffered from any corpulence. She had before, what with all the drinking she did, and once or twice, at Thanksgiving, it even happened after she ate the entire turkey.  Bones and all. Kathana thought it was ridiculous that her body should protest such a measly meal, but she couldn’t do anything about it, short of parasitically taking over the body of a shark. That could be fun, she mused, as she bent for a moment to pull a blueberry off of her foot and pop it into her mouth.

 

Continuing her walk, Kathana saw no buildings in sight, and she was beginning to waddle, so she booked it over to the nearest stand of trees. They were thick, and clumped together, so she was sure she wouldn’t be seen. Not that it mattered much, but she had appearances to attempt to keep up.

 

Relieved, she strolled out of the trees and realized she had no idea where she was or what she was going to do that day. Normally this wouldn’t bother her, but she couldn’t get up to her normal activities if there were no people about. Kathana was something of a megalomaniac, though she wasn’t aware of this fact, and  she needed subjects for her despotic rule.

 

Standing there, looking at the lovely scenery and unpopulated stretch, she noticed a road. It wasn’t paved, and it was slightly dusty, but it was a road.  Or a track. At the moment, Kathana didn’t really care about the correct term. She figured it must lead to somewhere, so she walked over to it and stepped onto it.

 

“This road goes in two directions,” she said to herself. “Forward, and backward. Which way should I go?”

 

Deciding that the best course of action would be to flip a coin, she rummaged in her pockets. Out came lint, a piece of string, the head from a Barbie Doll (what the hell?), and a rubber band.

 

“Dammit, I just had a quarter with me!” Kathana fumed. The blueberries were drying crusty on her feet, and she feared her flip-flops would get attached, so she bent over again to slip them off her feet. As she struggled to unstick the purpley sandals, a silvery object fell out of her shirt and flashed in front of her eyes as it hit the ground. She stared at it for a moment, the blood continuing to rush to her head, and then she fell over backwards and sat on her bum hard. Reaching forward, she grabbed the quarter off the ground.

 

“Ah, just as well that I used my own boobalicious self as a pocket,” she giggled. Standing up and dusting the dirt off of her rear end, Kathana flipped the coin into the air and caught it, placing it against the back of her other hand before looking to see what side was visible.

 

“Heads,” she grumbled, “How very predictable. I guess I should assign a direction to a side. Heads just seems like ‘forward’ to me. I suppose I’ll go forward!” She set off at a trot down the road.

 

**************************************

Intermission

 

Strains of “Jingle Bells” can be heard playing softly in the background.

 

Intermission ends

**************************************

 

“BANANAS!” screamed the man in the purple satin shirt.  “BANANAS ARE BETTER THAN MUSHROOMS!”

 

“WHATEVER!” yelled Kathana, stuffing a piece of strawberry shortcake in her mouth. She didn’t bother to swallow before continuing, “Bananas make me SICK! Besides, you couldn’t tell a sphincter from a crocodile tooth!  Stop talking!”  Moist crumbs flew everywhere as she spoke.

 

The man flinched as pieces of cake hit his face, but he turned to the panda next to him with an entreating look upon his face. “Won’t you back me up on this?” he whined. “Please?”

 

The panda stared at the man indifferently, then pawed at his shirt. The man started squirming, and laughed uncomfortably. He pushed the panda’s paw away, but the paw came back. It kept poking the man, evidently a ticklish fellow, until he fell over on the ground in helpless peals of anguished laughter.

 

Kathana looked at the panda, flabbergasted. She’d never seen anything quite so random before. Well, she had, come to think of it, but an aardvark shouting “BADONKADONK!” over and over wasn’t really as cool as this panda.

 

The panda turned to regard Kathana with seemingly impassive eyes. Kathana, feeling uncomfortable, looked around the lavishly decorated interior of what had first appeared to be an outhouse. When she’d first seen it, she went to it like a moth to a flame. An outhouse must mean civilization, of a sort.  Maybe she’d find someone with water! She hadn’t had water in what felt like lightyears.

 

Wait, she thought, I’m pretty sure a lightyear isn’t actually a measurement of time... Just shows how out of it I was! Deciding to play out the memory in her mind before looking at the panda again, she went on with her mental recap.

 

Kathana could find no other building in plain sight, so she wanted to explore the outhouse instead. When she went to push open the door, it was locked, and she felt rather perplexed. “Drat,” she muttered. She banged on the door a few times, and collapsed against the wooden side to rest herself.

 

The ground was rather spongy, and it felt quite nice to be off her feet, so Kathana found it rather easy to drift off into sleep. She dreamt she was sitting on a wharf somewhere far away. That was all she had time to dream, because a few minutes later the door to the outhouse banged open and hit Kathana square in the face. Kathana had awoken then, with a great start and much swearing, holding a hand to her tender nose. The man with the purple satin shirt had been peering around the door at her.

 

He invited her to come in, gave her water, and showed her his dwelling. That little outhouse was not really that little, apparently. It had a basement.  And running water (the devil knew how THAT came to be). And a bathroom.

 

And a panda, Kathana remembered, returning to the present with a quick shake. The panda was still looking at her, she realized nervously. Swallowing a bit, Kathana spoke to the panda.

 

“Er, thanks, I guess, but what was that for?” she asked. No answer came.  Kathana wasn’t sure she had expected one. “Um, well, I like pandas.  A lot.  For some reason. Actually, I collect pandas. My mom said it’s an idiosyncrasy of mine, but I can’t be THAT weird, can I? Well, actually, thinking about how normal this day has seemed to me, I guess I can. BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT.  The point is--” she cut off as the panda touched her shoulder tenderly.

 

“I cannot abide such buffoonery,” the panda commented in a male voice. “Him, I mean,” he added, gesturing at the man still incapacitated on the floor.  “You, I have looked upon with awe from the moment I saw you. You have such an unresistability about you. NO,” he said, as Kathana opened her mouth to say something, “it’s not really a word.  But you deserve a word all your own, my dear.”

 

Kathana’s jaw was pretty much sitting on the table by this time, and she sat there, stupefied. The panda went on.

 

“You are wonderful. I want to stay with you forever, until you’re old and have osteoporosis. When your bones snap from being so brittle, I will find a way to alleviate your pain. It is your unalienable right to have someone there beside you your whole life. I can’t deny you that right. If you want anything of me, I shall quadruple it and give it to you. I will be there, Kathana. I will.”

 

The panda and Kathana stared at each other for a few minutes. The panda looked earnest, and Kathana’s jaw had long since crashed through the table and the floor. She had to force herself to form a coherent thought, at first, but it got easier as blood began flowing from her jaw to her brain again.

 

“Um…” Kathana began. “Dude.  Back off.  Okay?  I seriously don’t need another live panda in my life.”

 

“ANOTHER?” the panda bristled. “You already HAVE a panda?  Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I didn’t think it was any of your business, to be perfectly honest,” Kathana stated crisply. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need an escort home.”

 

The panda considered for a moment, then spoke. “I will take you there. But tell me first: What’s his name?”

 

“Jimmy,” Kathana said.

 

“Oh, okay,” shrugged the panda, and they walked off into the sunset together.

 

 

 

 

 

Entry num.2

 

 

There was once a woman, called Kathana, that was the furthest away from being a Megalomaniac as one can be. She once adopted a quadruple of Pets, they were a hypocritical crocodile, a badonkadonk Aardvark, a spongy panda and a despotic pudding. Unalienable in her rights to create lavish buffets the Woman had a knack for cooking and baking the most amazing shortcake.

 

It was a pretty summer afternoon and Kathana decided to put on her Flip-flops and take her pets to a buffoonery where they would have fun tickling the ticklish and make them giggle as they ate Blueberry Shortcake. Sadly some devil had packed a crusty pack of Mushrooms. This made the pets very very sick and the woman felt so bad she started to perspire furiously. Not knowing what to do Kathana looked around frantically for someone that might help alleviate the idiosyncrasy that had broken out among the pets. The first person she saw was a Woman with Osteoporosis suffering from Corpulence, she decided against approaching her and kept on looking. Next she saw a man and was flabbergast by seeing him empty his bladder, by relaxing his Sphincter, right next to the warf.  Quite a distance from the man stood a boobalicious, squishy woman, whose unresistability rating must have hit way above 100pts. The woman decided to approach her, since she seemed to have a very tender look upon her face as she watched other people go on about their business.

 

Suddenly Kathana felt a moist wind whipping her hair all around her. The site that she encountered made her mouth fall open in awe.  The boobalicious woman was eating her shortcake!! DRAT!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Entry num.3

 

 

It was one of those fine mornings when you feel like setting all your idiosyncrasies loose and can’t resist the unresistability of certain things. Kathana woke up, went to the kitchen and, hoping that a full bladder wouldn’t drive her husband out of bed and he wouldn’t see what she was doing, she took some tender mushrooms from the fridge, chopped them into moist spongy squishy pieces, added some blueberries and ate everything in a few seconds. After she had exercised her unalienable right of indulging in that crapulence she sat on her chair, perspiring, eager to know what would happen next. Exciting things happened to her sometimes after she had a meal like this.

 

She didn’t have to wait long. A minute later the door opened and in came an aardvark.

 

“An aardvark?” thought Kathana. “I hate aardvarks.”

“Hi, pretty,”  said the aardvark. “What have aardvarks done to you that you hate them?”

“Er- well- actually, nothing. I simply prefer crocodiles.”

“Well, that’s fine. A cosmic crocodile is waiting for you behind the door. And a megalomanic panda too.”

“A panda?”

“Yes, a panda.”

“I hope it’s a cosmic one too?”

“No, just your ordinary megalomanic panda. “

“Drat!” thought Kathana. “Next time I’ll have some pudding for breakfast”.

“A good idea,” said the aardvark. “And a fun one. I’m in awe with you. Badonkadonk. “

“What?” said Kathana.

“Badonkadonk,” repeated the aardvark.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I simply have to say this. And now I feel like using the word quadruple.”

“Well, at least you haven’t brought with you the boobalicious menace and her squirrel.”

“No, I haven’t. They are waiting for you in court.”

“In court?” Kathana was flabbergasted.

“Yes, of course. Why? Oh, sorry, I completely forgot. We came here to bring you to trial for not abusing your mod powers.”

“But I have never not abused my mod powers. Least of all against aardvarks.”

“You will have a chance to prove it in court.” The aardvark giggled. “Now come with me?”

“What? I won’t-“

“All right. I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no other choice. Panda! Crockie!”

The animals in question came in, looking rather menacingly.

“All right, all right. I’ll come with you. There’s no need for violence.”

“Good. Now let’s go. I’ll show you the way.”

“Next time I will have some pudding for breakfast. Or some crusty toasts,” thought Kathana as she was ushered in court by an aardvark, a crocodile and a panda.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, ladies and gents. I hope you had a fun read! Now run off and cast your vote and may the better story win  ^_^

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[Wayward_fool]

Whoever wrote entry 1, can I tell you how much I love you?!

 

This brings back memories of TRULY funny silly stories man. Thanks to all 3 entries.

 

When we gonna have silly story competitions again!?

[Tigara]

Hmm, badonkabonk and aardvark always seemed to be together. Weird... >.>

[Nynaeve]

Wayward... we usually have them in the yellow ajah every once in a while about one of the ajah's members. We might try extending it and choosing random people from the WT next time around  =)

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[mmeeshal]

Hmm, badonkabonk and aardvark always seemed to be together. Weird... >.>

I was going to say the same thing! :D

 

Love the stories! ;D

 

Nyn, that's a fantastic idea! :)

[Toy and Minion]

OH yeah, I knew I forgot something. :(

[Nynaeve]

yeah, you did. Let us hope you learned your lesson :P

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[mmeeshal]

Oooh, the votes closed today! :D

 

When are we gonna see results, Nyn? ;D :P

[Wayward_fool]

Err... don't you see the results up there? I can. Is that because I am special? And loved? And amazingly witty?

 

Or is it a technical glitch?

 

Anyway... I see story 1 won. Yay.

[mmeeshal]

Err... don't you see the results up there? I can. Is that because I am special? And loved? And amazingly witty?

 

Or is it a technical glitch?

 

Anyway... I see story 1 won. Yay.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.  No to the last question. ;) :D

 

But we need a presentation, and I wanna know who authored the stories!  WHO won, not WHAT won. ;D

 

:P

[Red2111]

so whens the next contest.... cause i'd be interested in submitting a crazy entry ;) hehehehe

[Nynaeve]

Very soon, I imagine  ;D

[Nynaeve]

Ladies and Gentlemen,

 

It is time to announce both the names of the participants and the name of the one and ONLY winner ;)

 

 

Submission number 2 is the handy work of Tynaal!!!  ;D

 

 

Submission number 3 is Ludmian's creation!!! *grins*

 

 

Give them both a rouuuuuuuuuuund of applauds!

 

 

 

 

However, there can only be ONE winner, and that is the author of the first submission who seemed to have won nearly unanimously!!!

 

Guys, please love on the winner of this magnificent event...... [glow=red,2,300]MEESHA[/glow]!!!!

 

 

Way to go, darling! A job well done! CONGRATULATION!!!  *hugs and throws confetti about*

 

 

 

 

 

Nyn

[mmeeshal]

*jumps up and down a couple of times before hugging Nyn*

 

Woo!  Thanks!  I'm so happy you guys like my story! :D

 

Of course, it's all for Kathana, so I hope she liked it as well! ;D

 

Confetti! *chases it*

[Red2111]

congrads mmeeshal!!

 

this calls for some major oosquai and such

 

8)

[Toy and Minion]

Congrats, meesh.  Now how'd I know that was yours? ;)

[mmeeshal]

;D

Thanks, Red!  Major celebration time! ;)

 

 

Thanks, Sagey! ;) I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I'm as insane as the story is... >.>

[Toy and Minion]

Now, I feel it only fair to congratulate Tynall and Ludmian on their stories.  They were quite funny as well.  Good job to all of you! :D

[Ludmian]

Congratulations, Meesha!  :)

[Liitha]

grats good one