July 1: National Joke Day

[U4ea]

Come one, come all as we celebrate National Joke Day! Yes, I realize it's not July 1st for some of you, but that's ok! This is the internet, it can be whatever day we want around here. *grins*

 

So, the theme of this thread is jokes. Post 'em, laugh at 'em, relate to 'em... WHATEVER! We're fighting boredom, so bring all your laughs in here and let's BRING THE RAIN! *grins*

 

 

 

 

 

So, this is the joke the nurse at the dr's office told me yesterday:

 

One morning a woman looks in the mirror and frowns. When her husband asks what's wrong, she says, "I have crow's feet, my hair is turning gray, my boobs are sagging and I'm overweight. I really need to hear something good. Pay me a compliment."

 

Her husband thinks for a second and says, "Well, your eye sight is still good."

 

 

*smirks* NEXT!

[Torrie]

I dont know a lot of PG13 jokes!  :o This should be fun!

 

 

Barbara Walters, of Television's 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

 

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms.Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

 

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

 

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'

 

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):

 

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

[Auld Manriva]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in

front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings

the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever

sitting there.

 

'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies.

 

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,

what's your story?'

 

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was

pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time

at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with

spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be

eavesdropping.'

 

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the

jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger

so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some

undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

 

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

 

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the

dog.

 

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

 

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so

cheap?'

 

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that  stuff.

[U4ea]

LMAO

 

*shakes her head*

[Taei]

Three surgeons were sitting around after work.

 

The first one says, "I like working on librarians the best, because everything is alphabetized."

 

The second one says, "I like working on electricians the best, because everything's color coded."

 

The third says, "No, no, no. I like working on lawyers the best, because they're spine-less, they're gut-less, they have no heart, and their head and their butt are interchangable."

 

;D

[Leane_Shariff]

LOL those are great!

I especially like Torrie's

[Samuraiflip05]

Nothing like a good joke.....I might have to look them up.  I don't think I know any good jokes that can be put here.  :D

[Nynaeve]

Jokes about Israel.... mmmmm.....

 

You'd think I'd know some. I don't though. I live on sarcastic comments about Israel anyhow  >.>

 

 

 

Nyn