This Week in Entertainment

[Justen Diablos]

Before I even get started let me first give you a brief history of this brand new Seanchan Report.  There I was, minding my own JD business, doing whatever it is I do on an average day (Smoking crack while participating in bass fishing tournaments in Eastern Texas (or ya know, whatever)) when I was interupted by my old friend and Org Leader Empy, may he live forever (or God willing at least into his late 40s considering the kind of toxins he puts into his body on a daily basis).  What did he say to you JD?  What type of conversation passed between such legends as you and the great Emperor of Seanchan?  Well, reader, because I so dearly love you I will go ahead and transcribe just the briefest segment of our conversation (which lasted nearly 4 minutes)

 

Empy:  JD, you should be more active in the Seanchan. 

 

JD:  Um, okay.

 

The conversation goes on of course, but mostly after that it's just him asking me what I'm wearing and a lot of him breathing very heavily over the phone.  In any case, this conversation led to deep thoughts of how I could best enhance the 'Chan (my org).  I can't post more, because I'm a very busy man (And if I don't get at least 15 hours of sleep I'm no good to anyone).  So that left one really long post, and since we're the entertainment org what better use for my manifesto writing tendancies than a weekly detailed report on all things movie/music/video game/television?  With that this weekly column was born.  I don't have a name for it yet (I just don't see Spymaster Report as really fitting the theme), but hopefully over the coming weeks I'll have one. 

 

But I digress, and give you the report.

 

Entertainment News

 

First off, in some very upsetting news for Canadians everywhere (Sorry Hax), it appears that the Boxmasters have canceled their portion (opening for Willie Nelsoe) of a canadian tour.  After giving an interview in which Drummer and lead singer Billy Bob Thornton once again showcased how psychotic he is the band were booed the next night on stage.  Shortly thereafter the Boxmasters pulled out of the tour, citing that various members were sick.  Billie went on to say in an interview I completely made up...

 

"Sick of all these F**ing Canadians.  I mean I wake up and they're everywhere, I can feel them on my skin.  Every breath I take is air that some filthy Canadian has breathed.  It makes me want to burn my hair"

 

The Boxmasters will resume touring with Willie when Mr. Nelson returns to the greatest country on earth in Stamford Conneticut on April 14th. 

 

In some other news filming (or pre-production (or production before pre-production (or concept before the production before the pre... well you get the idea))) has begun on the sequel to the Blockbuster (HAHA) hit Twilight entitled New Moon.  The title of the movie was released by Director Robert Benton last Tuesday in a top secret press conference.  He was quoted saying that deciding on the title of the film was "extremely difficult. Even more so than when we spent three weeks locked in a basement before deciding on Kramer vs. Kramer.  Ah, the good old days, when I was a real director and didn't just adapt crappy books into s***ty movies."  The movie will showcase all the original actors from Twilight (because really, what else better have they to do?) along with Charlie and Emilio's lesser known brother Michael Sheen (most famous for knocking up Kate Beckinsale) who's attempting to take his career back into sensless ruin after his successful role as David Frost in Frost/Nixon.

 

Eminem will be performing at the MTV Music Awards in late may, in part to hype up his new Album release Relapse (due out May 19th).  As a huge fan of CDs (Yes I know everyone's moved on, excuse me for being the guy that still has a CD collection (over 300 at last count)) I'm interested in wether or not the great white hope Eminem can break the music industry's funk since the meteoric rise of the internet and free music.  As such I am currently listening to his recently released track 'We Made You' (which I downloaded off Limewire).   

 

In some quick news tidbits Star Trek with Patrick Stewart...erm, I mean Scott Bakula...erm, I mean William Shatner...erm, I mean that one chick who played Captain Janeway...erm, I mean Chris Pine debuted (in preview form) in the great state of Texas this week to critical (really? what does that mean exactly?) acclaim.  Chris Brown beats women.  G.I. Joe and Transformer cartoons are coming to DvD very soon.  And Miley Cyrus did 34 million at the box office over the weekend...

 

Shame on all of you.

 

New Releases!!

 

As I move on to this segment I'd like to take a brief time out to talk to new JD readers. 

 

Hi, I'm Justen Diablos, member of Dragonmount since 1998 (off and on), former Org Leader, former Incarn (YES I WAS!), former DM columnist, and all around swell guy.  In my time at DM I've developed a cult following of sorts with some of the "oldbies" here at DM.  In catering to that group I feel though that I lack the ability to properly relate to some of you new members, and am becoming an antiquated part of DM.  So I studied you, I learned from the antics at fiddlesticks, I took an in depth look at the shenanigans at the White Tower, and the goings on at the Black Tower.  Shayol ghul have posts and I, JD, have read those posts.  And I've come to one conclusion... I still don't understand you.  So how can I relate? You might ask yourself if you're a studious type person ( ::)).  Well, it's come to my attention that the vast majority of you newbies have an odd fascination with the one called Nynaeve, as she damn nigh swept the Empy awards this year.  I can understand that, I also love Nyneave, and I think she has a wonderful pair of...um, qualities.  So with that common ground I've come up with a rating system for DvD releases that I think will both serve me and reach out to you, the reader.  It's the scaling Nynaeve system, with good movies receiving 5 Nyns, and horrible movies recieving only 1 Nyn. *nod*  It's in the early stages at the moment, but never fear, I will nail this Nynaeve thing if it's the last thing I do...um, that didn't come out right.

 

On to new DvD releases.

 

The Reader:   It has Kate Winslet in it, and I think her broad shoulders are mad sexy.  Other than that it's a fairly boring story set in Germany (which I've never liked in any of my movies) and just after WWII (which I'm also fairly uninterested in).  If you're into historical/drama/artsie movies (or you really just dig Kate's sexy manshoulders) you should check it out.  Otherwise I say pass.  2 Nyns

 

The Caller:   I have not, nor do I plan to watch this movie at any point in my life.  I read the blurb about the movie and still don't know what it's about.  Elliot Gould is in the movie though, and he's okay.  If you're over the age of 60 I think you should check this movie out.  Otherwise avoid it.  1 Nyn.

 

Dark Matter:   Hey this movie has Merryl Streep.  I should tell my mom.  1 Nyn.

 

Splinter:  Wasn't this a movie with Alec Baldwin and that blonde chick?...no wait, that was Sliver.  It's also not a solo story about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mentor, which would also be good.  It's a horror story, and while I'm not a big fan of the genre this movie looks not completely uninteresting.  2 Nyns.

 

Finally, the release of the week.

 

The Spirit   Comic book remake? check.  Samuel L. Jackson?  Check Motherf**ker. Eva Mendas?  Pretty girl like Eva gets two checks.  And what about Scarlett and her Johansson's? Indeed this movie has it all. Okay, so it's wicked cheesy, but if you want serious why don't you go to Dark Matter with my mom, then go out for milkshakes and be home by 9pm.  The Spirit is a good movie if you don't take it too seriously, and if you're a geek who likes comic books and Scarlett's Johansson's this is a must see.  3 Nyns

 

music news 

 

This is where I'll have music news and releases.  There's not a lot of either right now.  Jadakiss the last kiss just dropped this last week.  But I doubt any of you besides me care about rap albums.  Also Keith Urban is #1 on the billboard cd sales chart.  *nod* That is all.

 

In Theatre's now

 

As I mentioned Miley Cyrus is the current box office champ (shame on you again) with her movie that no one here cares about (hopefully).  Observe and Report is the newest effort from Seth Rogan (Knocked up/ Superbad) and should be funny (probably much like his other movies).  Dragonball: Evolution should be okay for those of you who really dig Dragonball Z and the like I guess.  And Fast and Furious is back in theatre's shamefacedly attempting to make up for being beat out by Miley and co. 

 

This weekend's movie debuts are...

 

17 again  With Zac Efron.  This movie is about an old dude who is somehow transported back to when he was 17 or something (I guess played by 21 year old Efron).  Average teen movie I'd guess, though I've heard Efron is a good actor, which is entirely possible, the kid can perform.

 

Crank, High Voltage  Seriously... really?  That's the premise of the movie?  Really? Okay.  Well here it is then.  Jason Statham has his heart stolen *ahem* and replaced with a battery   ???.  And has to keep himself charged else he dies.  Honestly, even for a Statham movie (which I've always defended for being strictly action and no substance (like a Steven Seagal movie)) this is bad.  I can't imagine this movie being good in any way.

 

State of Play  Now this is more like it.  Ben Affleck plays a rising star politition around whom mystery and stuff surrounds and mr. Russel Crowe plays a cop (really? quite a ranging effort for him  :P) in this fairly interesting looking Drama.  Rachel McAdams is also in this movie, and since Wedding Crashers I've personally thought that she was mad hot.  If you go see a movie this weekend I'd recommend this one, though Fast and Furious is one I'd watch as well...

 

Ya know, since I've already seen the Miley thing like four times. 

 

Conclusion

 

With that I think I'll let you all go.  I'll be back next Monday with all new reviews and random thoughts, in the interim I'll be pondering different segments I could add to this weekly reports.  If you have any ideas on entertainment stuff I could cover or even a name for this weekly column let me know.  Oh, and I forgot to do video games this week, but next week I'll try to cover some gaming news.  I need to come up with a flow for this thing.  I'll work on it. Also next week should be longer (I'm still testing my sea legs out (not sure what that means either)) Until then

 

Love,

 

JD,

'Chan

[Cadsuane]

Is Willie Nelsoe the Canadian version of Willie Nelson?  ;D

 

-kt

Adoring fan of JD reports

[Emperor]

This is my new favorite thing at DM. 

 

I mean not only does he mention my name (and not Cads I point out), he talks about movies. 

 

And I personally think getting a milkshake and being home by 9pm is super cool!  I bet going to a movie with your mom would be awesome.

[Haxorsist]

I was also mentioned which never fails to give me that tingly feeling. Empy knows what I mean, Cads doesn't because she wasn't mentioned.

 

I loved the report. Will your new thing be saying "[something] is funny (much like Seth Rogen's movies are funny)"? I haven't seen the Hannah Montana movie, but I think I'll check it out (I'm with Joram, she's hot).

[Dwynwen]

This is a great idea, JD!  I like it.

[Zashara]

That was quite the entertaining read. ^^

[petels]

Meh. I couldn't get through it. I think JD's writing just makes me want to punch him in the throat. No offense, man. I would just punch you in the throat and we'd be done with it.

[Nynaeve]

Meh. I couldn't get through it. I think JD's writing just makes me want to punch him in the throat. No offense, man. I would just punch you in the throat and we'd be done with it.

 

*snickers*

 

Anyway, I admit to skimming myself here and there.... but it was pretty amusing. Nice rating system :P  I don't think the world would survive more than 1 Nyn, though. They're not ready.

 

 

 

Nyn

[Dunbar]

I think I love you, JD

[Yveva]

Dunbar, you're on the fence with JD love??  For shame.

 

Me, I know where I'm at, Emp's lucky he met me before I met JD.