Pirate Theory

[ksbsnowowl]

Therefore, Rand must become a ninja pirate. It is the only logical solution.

It's already happened.

 

In 'The Shadow Rising' Rand trains in handfighting with a group of silent, deadly, nearly invisible killers who wear cowls and black veils to do their ninja killings.

 

Rand al'Thor is a Ninja Pirate.

[nnokwoodeye]

This is probably the single greatest thing I've seen on DM since "The Story of the Last Battle." And I'm ashamed to say that while I have "The Story of The Last Battle" on my computer, I can't recall who wrote it.

 

I believe it was Mr. Mashadar. You should repost that story. It was funny ;D

[ROB_88]

not to forget that Siuan already got the seadog lingo

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

And there's Uno, who already has the patch.

 

This is the best thread going.

[Mr Ares]

Giving it some thought, I think it imperative that Perrin not be allowed to join the pirate crew. Why? He uses a hammer. So what?, I hear you ask. Well, who uses a hammer? Perrin does - because he was a blacksmith. Who else was a blacksmith? Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean. So, if Perrin joined the crew, that would be tantamount to adding Orlando Bloom to the cast of the books. Then where does it end? Next thing you know, we'll be casting Keira Knightley. This sort of thing cannot - must not - be allowed to corrupt our children! For the sake of future generations, even though I like Perrin, I think the only reasonable solution is to make him walk the plank. I think any of you would do the same, if you had to choose between drowning Perrin and Orlando Bloom into this series.

[ROB_88]

I think the only reasonable solution is to make him walk the plank. I think any of you would do the same, if you had to choose between drowning Perrin and Orlando Bloom into this series.

 

how about we just make Orlando walk the plank and drown

[Mr Ares]

how about we just make Orlando walk the plank and drown

Just? JUST!? Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children! He should be keel-hauled first, to be on the safe side. Then shot several times. Sharks should be involved at some stage of the process (possibly planning). We cannot afford to take the chance of just drowning him.

[agaga]

how about we just make Orlando walk the plank and drown

Just? JUST!? Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children! He should be keel-hauled first, to be on the safe side. Then shot several times. Sharks should be involved at some stage of the process (possibly planning). We cannot afford to take the chance of just drowning him.

 

It's much more feasible to just use him for cannon ammo....  ;D

[Mr Ares]

how about we just make Orlando walk the plank and drown

Just? JUST!? Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children! He should be keel-hauled first, to be on the safe side. Then shot several times. Sharks should be involved at some stage of the process (possibly planning). We cannot afford to take the chance of just drowning him.

It's much more feasible to just use him for cannon ammo....  ;D

After everything else, maybe. This is Orlando Bloom, we can't be too careful.

[Toy and Minion]

Therefore, Rand must become a ninja pirate. It is the only logical solution.

It's already happened.

 

In 'The Shadow Rising' Rand trains in handfighting with a group of silent, deadly, nearly invisible killers who wear cowls and black veils to do their ninja killings.

 

Rand al'Thor is a Ninja Pirate.

 

If Rand is to be a Ninja Pirate, I see no other end to the series then him dying.  Ninja Pirates cannot be allowed to live and breed.  Therefore, Elayne will have to die before giving birth, killing the spawn as well.  And that goes for Min and Avienda as well, if they become preggers too.

 

It is the only solution.

[Orange Fescue]

Anyway, a slight flaw in the plan: the preferred sword of Blademasters such as Rand is the katana. The preferred sword of the pirate is the cutlass. However, a solution presents itself: the preferred weapon of the ninja, aside from badass ninja skills, is the katana (it's a well known fact to anyone who has spent any time on the internet). Therefore, Rand must become a ninja pirate. It is the only logical solution.

Au contraire, mon frere. The katana is not the preferred weapon of the ninja; it is the signature weapon of the samurai. Clearly, Rand will become a samurai pirate, leading a joint expeditionary force of pirates and samurai warriors to fight the ninjas.

[Mr Ares]

If Rand is to be a Ninja Pirate, I see no other end to the series then him dying.  Ninja Pirates cannot be allowed to live and breed.  Therefore, Elayne will have to die before giving birth, killing the spawn as well.  And that goes for Min and Avienda as well, if they become preggers too.

 

It is the only solution.

Sad but true.

 

Anyway, a slight flaw in the plan: the preferred sword of Blademasters such as Rand is the katana. The preferred sword of the pirate is the cutlass. However, a solution presents itself: the preferred weapon of the ninja, aside from badass ninja skills, is the katana (it's a well known fact to anyone who has spent any time on the internet). Therefore, Rand must become a ninja pirate. It is the only logical solution.

Au contraire, mon frere. The katana is not the preferred weapon of the ninja; it is the signature weapon of the samurai. Clearly, Rand will become a samurai pirate, leading a joint expeditionary force of pirates and samurai warriors to fight the ninjas.

They both use them, according to internet mythology. And samurai pirates would get slaughtered. This is because ninjas are more badass than samurai, as are pirates, so the samurai would actually weaken them.

[Blade]

how about we just make Orlando walk the plank and drown

Just? JUST!? Think of the children! Won't somebody please think of the children! He should be keel-hauled first, to be on the safe side. Then shot several times. Sharks should be involved at some stage of the process (possibly planning). We cannot afford to take the chance of just drowning him.

 

It's much more feasible to just use him for cannon ammo....  ;D

 

now that won't do, using just cannons, he might get a tube of cannon ball wound ointment for one of brain regan's comedy jokes

 

"#1 do not stand directly in front of cannon....how true that is..."

[D24g0n]

The amount of awesome this thread contains has made it impossible for me to read any other.

[mb]

The group that seems most pirate-like to me would be the Atha'an Miere.

Other people/groups of Randland to me seem only slightly so.

 

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

The group that seems most pirate-like to me would be the Atha'an Miere.

Other people/groups of Randland to me seem only slightly so.

Atha'an Miere, Smatha'an Miere.

 

Uno has a patch - What's more pirate than having a patch?

 

Rand only has one hand - He's clearly destined to become Cap'n Hook.

 

Which ... could potentially make Graendal Tinkerbell ...

[D24g0n]

There is too much between Rand and Cap'n Hook for this to be mere coincidence...

 

Evidence:

 

Cap'n Hook has a hook for a hand; Rand is missing a hand.  It is only natural to assume Rand will replace it with a hook.

Cap'n Hook is paranoid about being eaten by the alligator; Rand is paranoid about LTT taking over.

 

Using simple logic, we can conclude that:

 

Rand = Cap'n Hook

[mb]

The group that seems most pirate-like to me would be the Atha'an Miere.

Other people/groups of Randland to me seem only slightly so.

Atha'an Miere, Smatha'an Miere.

Some similarities:

-Both Atha'an Miere and pirates spend most of their lives at sea.

-Both groups wear baggy pants.

-Both groups tend to do battles mostly on their ships.

 

Uno has a patch - What's more pirate than having a patch?

 

Rand only has one hand - He's clearly destined to become Cap'n Hook.

 

Which ... could potentially make Graendal Tinkerbell ...

It seems you missed my earlier comments (http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,39467.msg1028232.html#msg1028232).

Also, Tinkerbell is a tiny person with wings on back and flies around.  None of those descriptions fit Graendal (or any of the other female Forsaken).

 

[Mr Ares]

The group that seems most pirate-like to me would be the Atha'an Miere.

Other people/groups of Randland to me seem only slightly so.

Atha'an Miere, Smatha'an Miere.

Some similarities:

-Both Atha'an Miere and pirates spend most of their lives at sea.

-Both groups wear baggy pants.

-Both groups tend to do battles mostly on their ships.

Is that the best you can do, me bucko? Baggy trousers? AAAAAAARRRRRHHHH, There's more to piracy than spending time at sea or wearing silly trousers, or all sailors would be. Things like eyepatches, parrots, and west country accents, these are the things pirates be known for, Jim lad. So ahoy me hearties, Mat is the true pirate Prince - not Prince of Ravens, but Prince of Parrots, a true pirating bird. And any who says differently can walk the plank.

[Dark Justice]

But a parrot with eyepatch and a hook instead of a wing, is the badassest bird ever...

[D24g0n]

But a parrot with eyepatch and a hook instead of a wing, is the badassest bird ever...

 

Would people like Faile more if she was like this?

 

Although I do not think I would call her "badass", I would definitely think she is cooler.

[Orange Fescue]

But a parrot with eyepatch and a hook instead of a wing, is the badassest bird ever...

 

Would people like Faile more if she was like this?

 

Although I do not think I would call her "badass", I would definitely think she is cooler.

Only one way to find out. Now, where'd I put that cleaver?

[Guest The Thin Inn Keeper]

Some similarities:

-Both Atha'an Miere and pirates spend most of their lives at sea.

::)

-Both groups wear baggy pants.

::)

-Both groups tend to do battles mostly on their ships.

::)

It seems you missed my earlier comments (http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,39467.msg1028232.html#msg1028232).

What I see is you being overly serious about what is a bit of fun. I also notice that you were not the first to talk about anything, and therefore what you refer to as "my earlier comments" are merely your attempts to add something original.

Also, Tinkerbell is a tiny person with wings on back and flies around.  None of those descriptions fit Graendal (or any of the other female Forsaken).

Tinkerbell was not a "person" Tinkerbell was a fairy.

 

It's similar to my referring to my cat as a person. Neither are, they are of different species.

 

Nevertheless the less, the idea amused me.

 

Lighten up.

[ROB_88]

-Both groups wear baggy pants.

 

maybe MC Hammer can be a pirate

 

can't touch this, nananana nanana nanana. can't touch this

HAMMER TIME

[D24g0n]

maybe MC Hammer can be a pirate

 

can't touch this, nananana nanana nanana. can't touch this

HAMMER TIME

 

Wow, I could not help but picture MC Hammer doing that while walking the plank.