Ridiculous plot changes you would enjoy

[Lethira the second]

19 hours ago, Chivalry said:

Season Two, Episode One...cold open...

 

Setting: a small Trolloc village just north of the borderlands

 

A squat Trolloc child sits cross-legged  in a patch of dirt, humming an off-key ditty (? The Wind That Shakes the Willow). Holding a small carving knife in one hand, he meticulously scrapes flecks of wood off a piece of lumber, shaping a crude flower. Narg has never seen a flower, but remembers his mother's description of flowers, years ago, on returning from one of her many border raids. Narg does not care for raids or killing. He is a sensitive, thoughtful child, nothing like his rough peers, who tease him mercilessly for his artistic inclinations.

 

Moments later, the quiet is shattered by the blaring of horns. Narg frowns…the horns sound nothing like Trolloc instruments. Fear grips his heart, and his wolf muzzle cautiously tests the wind. The Men have come. 

 

Zooming out, we see a young Lord Agelmar charge across the blasted landscape to the small village, shouting encouragement to his cavalry. We see Narg hunch low to the ground as he seeks shelter behind a stack of enormous Trolloc cooking pots. The Shienaran soldiers set fire to the over-sized Trolloc huts, and the clang and clash of weaponry fills the air.

 

Peering over the cook pots, through a smoky haze...Narg sees his mother fall, a bloody spear protruding from her back, and a silent scream painted grotesquely across her wolfish visage. 

 

The wooden carving crumbles in Narg’s hand. His gaze rests on his dead mother, and a feeling of overwhelming grief washes over him. No, he will not cry. He must not. Narg must be hard, harder than iron, harder than steel, to face what will come. Narg will make the Men pay for their actions. He will make them pay with blood.

I would totally watch this!  Think of the merchandising opportunities.  Young Narg would outsell Baby Yoda

[VooDooNut]

Season 2:

e1: The Dragon Reborn Reborn: The Reborgoning

e2: The Late Hunt

e3: Rand Teaches Lan The Forms

e4: Channels With Wolves

e5: Egwene Meets Tigraine (Her Mother)

e6: How many times can the horn be blown in 60 minutes?

e7: Tears of Stone

e8: You get a sa'angreal, and you get a sa'angreal, and you get a sa'angreal!

[Guire]

Kindergarden Narg sneaking out to play with young Lan in the blight is the Pixar movie I want to see.  

[Chivalry]

58 minutes ago, Guire said:

Kindergarden Narg sneaking out to play with young Lan in the blight is the Pixar movie I want to see.  

 

Why not?

 

"You've got a friend in me.."

[SingleMort]

Okay here's on plot change I would enjoy and I think some other fans might pushback on this. 

 

Spoiler

I never liked Elyane's Queen's Guard. It always felt a little silly to be that Elayne would want an all female bodyguard. I'm sure there are many great female soldiers who could be as good or better than male counterparts and who can be fiercely loyal to Elayne. But also I'm sure there are many male who would be perfectly suitable also and does their gender really matter so much. Would you really turn down some of the best fighters because they have the wrong equipment between their legs especially when we've seen men and women in the world of Wot are just as capable of doing good as doing evil. I never saw one particular gender have a monopoly on those. Also the fact that the one guy who is part of the guard is evil always made me roll my eyes.  So I would be happy if this was changed or cut

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by SingleMort

[TheSmurf]

Spoiler

Ah... The Queen's Guard. 

Sometimes I forget how many times I facepalmed or foreheadsmacked myself reading this series. 

 

Watch Rafe copy/paste this and it be the focal point of S7 (?)... 

 

#sorryI'msalty

Edited December 30, 2021 by TheSmurf

[Kalessin]

Owing to an unexpected dearth, heraldic animals are in short supply, so the series has had to improvise.

 

We see this with Elayne's counter-attack in Tanchico, where she is heard shouting, "Forward the Pink Panthers!" The Pink Panthers of Andor turn up later, replacing the White Lions of Andor ....

 

Meanwhile, maritime pollution has cut drastically into the numbers of Golden Cranes, so Lan will ride into battle as the Uncrowned King of Malkier, flying the Plutonium Pelican banner. (Plutonium Pelicans were an unexpected and somewhat embarrassing result of Mosk and Merk battling with their world-encircling spears of fire. Both giants admit culpability and apologize for the inconvenience.)

[Guire]

6 hours ago, Kalessin said:

Owing to an unexpected dearth, heraldic animals are in short supply, so the series has had to improvise.

 

We see this with Elayne's counter-attack in Tanchico, where she is heard shouting, "Forward the Pink Panthers!" The Pink Panthers of Andor turn up later, replacing the White Lions of Andor ....

 

Meanwhile, maritime pollution has cut drastically into the numbers of Golden Cranes, so Lan will ride into battle as the Uncrowned King of Malkier, flying the Plutonium Pelican banner. (Plutonium Pelicans were an unexpected and somewhat embarrassing result of Mosk and Merk battling with their world-encircling spears of fire. Both giants admit culpability and apologize for the inconvenience.)

Plutonium Pelicans would just be Seanchan Corlm right? Lan is a enemy plant ?

  However the New Orleans Pelicans basketball team being the result of global nuclear warfare does explain some things.

[Lethira the second]

17 hours ago, Kalessin said:

Owing to an unexpected dearth, heraldic animals are in short supply, so the series has had to improvise.

 

We see this with Elayne's counter-attack in Tanchico, where she is heard shouting, "Forward the Pink Panthers!" The Pink Panthers of Andor turn up later, replacing the White Lions of Andor ....

 

 

Given Elaynes temperament, I would suggest replacing White Lions with House Cats.  Have you ever tried to get a cat to do something?  Plus every cat I have ever known is convinced it is a deity and the world is there for its' entertainment.

Edited January 8, 2022 by Lethira the second

[EmreY]

I'm looking for a musical episode.

 

 

[Kalessin]

22 hours ago, Guire said:

Plutonium Pelicans would just be Seanchan Corlm right? Lan is a enemy plant ?

  However the New Orleans Pelicans basketball team being the result of global nuclear warfare does explain some things.

Well, for a time there they thought they would have to rely on Helium Herons, but Dejah Thoris, Princess of Helium on the planet Barsoom (known to us as Mars) put her foot down (and thus raised her voice a couple of octaves) protested quite strongly, saying that Helium Herons were sacred to the citizens of Helium, and thus they could not be used to represent a mere Earth human. ? Tragic, really.

[Lethira the second]

8 hours ago, EmreY said:

I'm looking for a musical episode.

 

 

Yes!  Let's have Thom getting all Jaskier and mooning as he walks alongside Rand who is riding Bela.  The destination for the show would be the nine horse hitch, where we get a rendition of the suspiciously familiar 'Toss a coin to your Hitcher'.  Along the way, we a scene with Elayne discovering a Ter'angreal that recreates sounds and a brown sister trying to transcribe them from Old Tongue.

 

Come on Rafe, make it happen!

[Jaysen Gore]

12 hours ago, EmreY said:

I'm looking for a musical episode.

 

 

Okay fine - Season 6, Ebou Dar

 

Fooled Around and Fell in Love - Mat

Pretty Tied Up - Tylin

My Name is Mud - Gholam

Jak o' the Shadows - Mat

Cold Hard Bitch - Tuon

Still Haven't Found What I'm looking for - Nynaeve / Elayne

War - Seanchan ensemble

We Got to get out of this place - EF5 / Kin ensemble

(Walls Come) Tumblin' Down - Mat

Sympathy for the Dha'vol - Narg

 

[Rhavin]

Shaidar Haran will be the first to invent a 24-row toothbrush and enjoys wearing pink slippers.
(Please dont forward to Rafe, he might just do it…)

[SingleMort]

22 hours ago, EmreY said:

I'm looking for a musical episode.

 

 

Honestly I could see a way this might actually have a chance to work, at least for part of a episode. I'm thinking they could play into the rumours,, gossip and bards tales regarding Rand's famous exploits (obviously this couldn't happen until he actually has some) and we could see maybe a theatrical performance about the DR with songs and dancing. 

[Kalessin]

Actually, the shortage of heraldic animals has reached - dare I say it - epic proportions, due to an unfortunate accident with some Questioners - err, CIA staffers. Apparently a CIA staffer was underperforming, overpaid, and overweight, so his station manager and the rest of his station took him to Yosemite and threw him to the wolves. Who promptly all died of massive cholesterol poisoning, (a la the last inhabitant of the planet Poghril) much to the outrage of the Yosemite Park rangers. Even worse than that, this massive cholesterol poisoning, proved to be both quantum entangled and transmissible, so that every last wolf on the planet died of massive cholesterol poisoning.

 

Amazon have decided that Perrin Aybara is to be King of the Chihuahuas instead. They're easier to manage, and far, far cheaper to feed.

 

(The Questioner - err CIA station manager in question? Well, his station staff couldn't and wouldn't throw him to the Yosemite Park rangers, because whatever the dietary prescriptions are for Park Rangers, CIA station managers are definitely not permitted on their menu. So his staffers threw him under a bus - which promptly died of massive cholesterol poisoning. So far this cholesterol poisoning of the bus hasn't proved either quantum entangled or transmissible, so buses for the moment are safe from summary extinction. For the moment. )

Edited January 17, 2022 by Kalessin
minor correction

[Lethira the second]

Can we get someone to rework this with Chihuahuas?  I think it works better than 'we come'

 

[wastingtime]

Turns out that either the Seanchan or the Sharans view Trolloc body parts as a natural aphrodisiac/arthritis cure/traditional medicine/anti-aging tonic etc etc etc.

Inside a season, they have become an endangered species and the brown Ais Sedai start campaigning for protection - or at least seasonal/bag limits - to ensure the ecological balance of the Blight isn't thrown out. The EF5 all become vegan in solidarity.

[Dagon Thyne]

some finds a stasis pod (or whatever they were called in the AoL) filled with porn magazines from the first age

[Andra]

A Portal Stone malfunction crosses the Wheel of Time with a martial arts film, and '70s porn.

New title: "Enter the Dragon Reborn."

[Andra]

On 9/12/2021 at 8:11 AM, Borderlander said:

~Instead of an old, white-mustached bard playing the harp in a multi-colored cloak, Thom is a 50-something hunk of hot man-meat rocking a guitar in a dusty, gritty travelling cloak. (Sorry, couldn't resist!)

Well, THIS was prophetic.

?

[Kalessin]

What is worse, a Portal Stone malfunction links Randland to the world of the Children of the Perverse (Richard Calder) and history suffers a few ... hiccups along the way, with the Trollop Wars destroying Manetheren and the Compact of the Ten Nations. Lilim, accompanied by their Elohim companions, sweep south from the Blight in an all-out quest for the ultimate in accessories and lingerie, burning villages and massacring villagers en masse when they can't find the latest Versace or Cartier or Gucci or whatever ... some time later, the Lilim and the Elohim return, as Malignos and other suchlike ...

[Andra]

So we have a new plot change - that might not even be ridiculous, but which we would all enjoy.

 

Fain takes the case to Falme, where Turak opens it and says "This case is EMPTY!  Empty. The opposite of full. This case is supposed to be full! Anyone care to explain?"

 

Lo and behold, the Horn has been in Thom's harp case all along.  Which is why he's always playing a guitar, instead.

 

Okay, the last part is definitely ridiculous.  But oh, so enjoyable!

[Kalessin]

Keeping with the theme of heraldic animals becoming scare or even (gasp!!!) extinct; the Seven Seals have been replaced by Seven (rather irate) Walruses, none of which is exactly pleased at being told they are to be broken at the Last Battle. Even worse, they flat-out refuse to perform, even for oysters, much less for mere fish!!!

 

Lews Therin did his level best, but having the Seven Walruses go on strike is far too, too much, even for him. He threatened to bring in the Seven Sealions, but they refused to even consider it, so he had to go with the bad-tempered Walruses.

[Dagon Thyne]

The Dark One doesn't want to destroy the world he's just lonely.  Rand becomes his roomate, which sets up Rafe's next series, a sitcom.