My friend Steve had a toothache, so he saw a dentist. The dentist took one look and said, "Yep, that sucker has to come out." "Oh no," Steve said. "Will it hurt?" "Nah," the dentist said. "One shot of Novocain and you won't feel a thing." "Please don't!" shouted Steve. "I'm deathly afraid of needles. Don't you have anything else?" "Well," the dentist said, "it's been a while since I used it, but I can knock you out with ether." "That's worse!" Steve said. "I'm terribly claustrophobic. If you put that mask on my face I'll panic and thrash." "Um, okay," said the dentist. "What about pills? Can you swallow a pill at least?" "YES!" said Steve. "No problem. I can swallow the biggest horse pill you've got." "Okay," said the dentist, and handed Steve a little blue pill. "Is this...." asked Steve. "Is this...Viagra?" "It sure is." "Will this do something for my pain?" "No," said the dentist. "But it will give you something to hold onto while I yank out that tooth."

When I turned twenty-one, my friends all pitched in and got me a Sweater for my birthday. Unfortunately, what I asked for was a Moaner or a Screamer.