ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER reviews

[Emperor]

Of course, everything about it is ridiculous right down to the title. Yes, it's positively blasphemous to tie the Civil War to vampires needing to keep slavery alive so they will have a constant supply of food. It's downright sacrilegious to turn Harriet Tubman into a soldier in the fight against bloodsuckers. And its positively insane to make Abraham Lincoln a vicious assassin, trained in the art of hunting and killing vampires. And it's because of all of those things that this bit of historical fiction had to be told. People who roll their eyes at the very idea of this story (let alone this movie) have completely lost their sense of fun.

 

That being said, the elements of ABRHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER that are most disappointing have nothing to do with its premise and everything to do with its execution. Almost every second of director Timur Bekmambetov's (WANTED, NIGHT WATCH) film seems single-mindedly focused on moving forward as fast and blurrily as possible. Yes, in most cases, a plot should move forward (with the exception of a handful of flashbacks), but the director (working from a script by Seth Grahame-Smith, based on his novel) never lets up. He pushes so hard to get to the next scene and the next scene and the next scene that we never get time to settle in with these characters and actually experience a bit of their lives. Character development is a thing for dreamers here. People become friends because we are told they are friends; Lincoln and Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) fall in love because we are told they do.

 

I'm not here to judge the movie against the source material. I don't really care if the film follows the book closely or not; the film exists as its own entity, and I'll judge it as such. That being said, it's my understanding that the book is a well-researched biography with vampire elements sprinkled throughout. The film, on the other hand, skims over the surface of Lincoln's life and career—as a child, a struggling lawyer, and eventually the president—like a stone skipping across a vast pond. I know history on film can be taxing, but there is almost no sense of time and place in this film. The environments look artificial, and the characters feel the same.

 

As much as I enjoyed Benjamin Walker as Lincoln, he's essentially operating at two speeds — nice guy and rage monster with an axe. He plays both effectively, but Lincoln's abilities as a statesman and strategist are woefully undervalued. His relationship with his wife is treated like something Bekmamabetov considered a distraction, and the filmmakers invent the character of Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie), a freed slave who just happens to be Lincoln's best buddy. Faring slightly better are the more ominous characters, especially Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper), the man who recruits Lincoln as a boy to erase his identity and train to kill vampires. Henry has a few secrets of his own, but Cooper works beyond the restrictive script to give Henry some humanity.

 

Also mildly amusing is Adam (Rufus Sewell), a ruthless plantation owner and head of a great number of the vampires of the South. Sewell plays his character with a bit too much mustache-twirling villainy (no, he does not have a mustache), but there's something fun about his portrayal as well.

 

There are two big action sequences I like for their audacity more than their achievements in special effects. There's a chase scene with Lincoln where he's hopping over, under and through stampeding horses after a vampire. It doesn't look particularly real, but it does register high on the cool scale. The other involves a train going over a high bridge that seems to span the entirety of the Grand Canyon (not really, but it sure seems that way), with said bridge on fire and collapsing just as the train attempts to cross. It's a stupid, stupid scene, but damn if it didn't take my breath away (some of which was the result of laughing so hard).

 

I think everyone involved in making ABRHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER had a better movie in them. You can also smell the concessions that were granted to get this movie made. The performances are serviceable, with the occasional actor rising up during key scenes just long enough to be impressive. Walker never fails when he's delivering one of Lincoln's classic speeches. I truly hope people get more out of it than I did, but most of what I saw left me empty and wanting so much more. A few moments of exhilaration don't make up for two hours of messy fumbling...at least that's what I've always been told. God, could I set you guys up any more than that?

 

-- Steve Prokopy

"Capone"

capone@aintitcool.com

 

[SBoydW]

I wanted to vomit, just at the title of this film.

[Red2111]

some movie ideas shoudl stay in the trash bin where they belonged. i kept seeing these trailers and thinking "this has got to be a joke of some sort"

 

 

i mena, who in their right mind woudl actually go pay to see this crap?! especially when you have Spiderman, Dark Night and the avengers in theters to go see o.0

[Emperor]

Well the book is good I hear. It intertwined real history into the myth of Abe being a vampire hunter. Instead of making him into a super hero that someones dons his black outfit to be presidential.

[Barmacral]

I've heard good things about the book too. Definitely interested in seeing this sometime, maybe I'll go see it before it gets out of theatres on cheap night.

[Ashaman Kovan]

i mena, who in their right mind woudl actually go pay to see this crap?!

 

I would... I've seen avengers 3 times though. And I'll be seeing spiderman and DK as they come out.

[Red2111]

you do know its commiting nerd blasphamey to utter this movie in the same sentance as the epicness awesomeness that is The Avengers!

 

*throws the Comandments of Nerdism at Kovan*

 

 

[Ashaman Kovan]

I didn't know that. I swear! *cries* What rituals must I perform to be forgiven?!?! I still haven't actually seen the movie yet, so I think redemption is not yet beyond reach.

[SinisterDeath]

you do know its commiting nerd blasphamey to utter this movie in the same sentance as the epicness awesomeness that is The Avengers!

 

*throws the Comandments of Nerdism at Kovan*

 

 

Actually, this movie by defintion is the epitome of nerdyness.

It is escentially.

Historical Fan-Fiction.

[SBoydW]

you do know its commiting nerd blasphamey to utter this movie in the same sentance as the epicness awesomeness that is The Avengers!

 

*throws the Comandments of Nerdism at Kovan*

 

 

Actually, this movie by defintion is the epitome of nerdyness.

It is escentially.

Historical Fan-Fiction.

 

AKA Historical butchery.

[Ashaman Kovan]

I'm willing to bet the $.5.75 that it's entertaining enough and probably provides an enjoyable 2 hour sit.

[SinisterDeath]

you do know its commiting nerd blasphamey to utter this movie in the same sentance as the epicness awesomeness that is The Avengers!

 

*throws the Comandments of Nerdism at Kovan*

 

 

Actually, this movie by defintion is the epitome of nerdyness.

It is escentially.

Historical Fan-Fiction.

 

AKA Historical butchery.

 

its not a history documentary. That should be qutie obvious.

If you want historic-doc movie, go watch History Channel, Not This.

[Barmacral]

you do know its commiting nerd blasphamey to utter this movie in the same sentance as the epicness awesomeness that is The Avengers!

 

*throws the Comandments of Nerdism at Kovan*

 

 

Actually, this movie by defintion is the epitome of nerdyness.

It is escentially.

Historical Fan-Fiction.

 

AKA Historical butchery.

 

No, historical butchery is brave heart. This movie isn't pretending to be history, sin had it right when he calls it historical fan fiction.

[SinisterDeath]

^

|

Exactly

[ironcross]

my sister whent to see it ( a friend of hers was buying the tix and that was what she wanted to see) and said it was horible

 

 

on my list of movies im not going to hurt myself by watching

[SBoydW]

History and fiction should never be mixed together... I'm a purist when it comes to that... Just me. I always get a funny look when I tell everyone I think 300 is one of the worst movies of all time.

[SinisterDeath]

History and fiction should never be mixed together... I'm a purist when it comes to that... Just me. I always get a funny look when I tell everyone I think 300 is one of the worst movies of all time.

 

I love Historical Fiction.

People are idiots if they believe it actually happened that way.

 

And by what you say, You also probably hate

 

Dances with the Wolves.

Titanic

Master and Commander

Robin Hood

Gladiator

Ben Hur

Flags of our Fathers

Midway

The Shawshank Redemption

Three Musketeers (not the newest one, that was just shit)

The Tutors

Rome

ect

ect

ect

 

Historical Fiction just adds something to the story, even if its based on history but obviously alters events for more drama.

[Ashaman Kovan]

Man in the Iron Mask. That's a good one.

[SBoydW]

History and fiction should never be mixed together... I'm a purist when it comes to that... Just me. I always get a funny look when I tell everyone I think 300 is one of the worst movies of all time.

 

I love Historical Fiction.

People are idiots if they believe it actually happened that way.

 

And by what you say, You also probably hate

 

Dances with the Wolves.

Titanic

Master and Commander

Robin Hood

Gladiator

Ben Hur

Flags of our Fathers

Midway

The Shawshank Redemption

Three Musketeers (not the newest one, that was just shit)

The Tutors

Rome

ect

ect

ect

 

Historical Fiction just adds something to the story, even if its based on history but obviously alters events for more drama.

 

Most of those are pure fiction. and the one's that I'm not sure aren't I haven't seen. (Flags of Our Fathers, Midway)

[Ashaman Kovan]

So Gladiator isn't a fictitious movie about a specific historical period of time featuring a Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, that actually existed?

Titanic is pure fiction? So all those documentaries I've seen were just lies?!?! I feel betrayed...

The "Any movie featuring the Musketeers" is pure fiction? Even though they existed and Cardinal Richelieu, the villain in most of the movies, actually existed. As did Kind Louis VIII and even d'Artagnan? The protagonist in most of the movies? If a grossly fictionalized and romanticized version of him....Odd. I could go on?

[Barmacral]

Also, 300 was based on a graphic novel. The graphic novel was a fictional version of true events, sure, but the movie was pure fiction.

[Ashaman Kovan]

i mena, who in their right mind woudl actually go pay to see this crap?!

 

I would...

 

And you would regret that past me.

 

I'm willing to bet the $.5.75 that it's entertaining enough and probably provides an enjoyable 2 hour sit.

 

And you would, sadly, lose that bet past me.

[SinisterDeath]

lol

Can't have been that bad?

[Ashaman Kovan]

It was pretty bad man. Like the first half was decent, but as soon as he was President Lincoln and 50 years old giving the Gettysburg address and stuff it got bad. If they could have somehow drug it out and only had like the last 20 minutes of him being old I could have handled that. But as soon as I heard him say "Four score and seven years ago..." it just got laughably bad.