**Waves points in the air***

[Torrie]

Make me laugh and I give you points.

 

Simple as that.

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

3...

 

 

GO!

[Guest BaLefireP]

I made this one myself!  :D

 

[Torrie]

10 points to BaL!

 

Anyone else?

[Guest BaLefireP]

Seeing as nobody else wants any...

Calling In Sick

 

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

 

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead.  Come reset it."

 

You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

 

"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

 

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.

 

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances.

 

Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.  It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs.  She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink.  At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered, and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

 

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements.  Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.

 

Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.  Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.  Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.

 

Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed.  It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

 

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.

 

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.  I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk.  "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

 

If they had only known.

[Samuraiflip05]

[Torrie]

BeL, I have heard that one before and still think it is hilarious! 15 points!

 

 

Sam, do you need more points?  ;) 10 points for the funny wedding info!

[Auld Manriva]

I've been accused of this particular personality trait on occasion, so I thinks to m'self. Why not show them my favorite adult malt and hops beverage

 

 

And then there is this. I AM a very morally upright personage so I am (so far as you know)

[Torrie]

bump

[Kathleen]

Post by: Reyn on August 26, 2010, 10:06:00 AM

I lmao'd at this:

 

(some strong language FYI)

IF HISTORICAL EVENTS HAD FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES....

 

http://coolmaterial.com/roundup/if-historical-events-had-facebook-statuses/

[Guest BaLefireP]

WE should keep this one going!

[StaffMaster]

my $.02

 

[StaffMaster]

and this too

 

[Taei]

Gotta love translation mixups...

 

 

I think some people need to hire some better translators....

[Guest BaLefireP]

*is glad he keept it going*

 

=)

[Torrie]

lol Staff, those cats are scary looking. 20 points!

 

 

Tae, Too funny! Love the condom one. 30 points.

 

10 points to Bal for keeping this going.

[Guest BaLefireP]

 

 

 

[Torrie]

Oh man! That one with the pads and the Jug of Blood is just wrong!

 

10 points Bale!

[Guest BaLefireP]

I saw it and just about died laughing!

[Taei]

Here's why you should always go to the bathroom BEFORE sight seeing...

 

Disabled must be able to walk.... hum.

 

[Taei]

Oooh, and this one was too good not to add...

 

 

[Guest BaLefireP]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Torrie]

lol Those are good ones Bale! My favorite is the Molexted one. ROFL

 

50 Points!

 

My, you sure do like your points.

[Guest BaLefireP]

I do love them points!