Jump to content

DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Kathana: The Game


Barmacral

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 95
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • 2 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

>punch Emperor in the face

>declare to Emperor that you prefer Zasha's company to his

>punch Emperor in the face again

 

You stare at the short hairy man for a moment and blurt out “But aren’t you supposed to be tall? And bald too?”. Realising that he might take offense to this, you look around wildly and see some graffiti scrawled on a nearby wall that says ‘What would Zasha do?’

Hmm, Zasha, what would she do? After some consideration you decide to find out by channelling Zasha herself.

 

!Zasha Emperor

Zasha punches Emperor in the face!

 

“Ah ha!” You cry out triumphantly, Zasha is infinitely better than this Emperor guy! You try it again for good measure.

 

!Zasha Emperor

Zasha punches Emperor in the face!

 

>lick thumb and wipe a smudge from Emperors face

>punch Emperor again

>Exclaim that you only punch a clean face and Emperor is borderline un-punchable

 

Satisfied with the punches you gave him, you notice a smudge on his face, and it bothers you, bothers you more than the Sedai people, or the incorrect uses of balefire. It bothers you so much that you lick your thumb and notice that oddly, it tastes like honey. You lick it several more times until the honey taste eventually goes away, and you wipe the smudge away. Perfect, he’s punchable again. Hmm, maybe you should tell him this. “Sorry Emperor, but you were borderline unpunchable” you hear yourself say, and quickly channel another Zasha.

 

!Zasha Emperor

Zasha punches Emperor in the face!

 

>invite Emperor to birthday party . . . scheduled for yesterday

>Offer emperor Chipotle

>Ask Emperor what brings him to Tar Valon

>Tell Emperor how awesome he is

> Tell Empy that Barm is funnier then he is

 

Now, he was starting to look hurt, both physically and emotionally. Feeling a little guilty you decide you need to do something.

“Um... uh... oh, I know, you’re invited to a birthday party! Yeah! Jimmy’s birthday party! Except, uh...” you shuffle around nervously, not quite sure how to word the next part, it doesn’t help that Emperor is holding up a monacle that appears to be attached to his exceedingly hairy nipple to watch you. “Except that it was yesterday. Sorry! I meant to invite you but forgot! I’ll buy you chipotle!” You realise that you are starting to plead, and this is clearly not a very Amryliny thing to do, so you straighten up and put on your stern face. At least you think it’s your stern face, you haven’t actually tried this face before, since you’ve never really needed to. Everyone always got you pudding when you wanted it, after all.

 

“And what, pray tell, are you doing in Tar Valon?”

 

Emperor merely grins at you, then scratches his butt and sniffs his fingers. He then turns and starts walking away without saying anything.

 

You run after him frantically, after all, this is the first person you hadn’t chased off, beat up or balefired since you woke up, and you kinda want to keep it this way for now. “Wait!” You yell, “Come back, you’re awesome! Awesome I tell you, I mean, not nearly so funny as Barm, but still awesome! Please join me!”

 

Emperor stops and turns to you, still sniffing his fingers a bit, which seems silly and a bit gross to you. “Ok,” he says, “I’ll go with you for now.”

 

(CONTINUED)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

>Ask Emp to dig through the rubble and salvage any of FDM's Evil Toyz that are still viable.

>Pocket said toys.

>Convince Emperor that his name is really Ridonkulous.

>Ride Emperor piggyback around Tar Valon so as not to tire self out.

>Slap Emperor...

>Laugh at how ugly Emperor is

> Chew on some raw meat

> Scream "ORANGE!" as loud and as highly pitched as possible

> Draw a picture of a giant woman

> Look for worms in the ground

> Chew on grass

> Scream at random people

 

You pause for a moment and look at Emperor, who has also stopped and is looking at you quizzically.

 

“We’re gonna be a while,” you say, “the Narrator has ignored us for months, and needs to remember what exactly I’ve done so he can figure out what we are going to do next. He may be a while.”

 

“Oh good, I have JUST the thing to help us through this scenario!” Emperor exclaims, and he reaches behind him and pulls out a giant sign that reads INTERMISSION.

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

CLANK!

 

You jump out of your skin, exposing all your muscle tissue for a moment, and promptly back into it, as though nothing had happened at all. Staring with shock at Emperor you yell “WHAT WAS THAT FOR? WE WEREN’T EVEN MOVING!”

 

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “the narrator was taking too long. I was bored.”

 

You slap emperor, annoyed that he’d be so insolent, and glaring at him you can’t help but take a good luck at him, and at how ugly he is. You start giggling uncontrollably, and soon fall over rolling around giggling, and you point at him while rolling back and forth, and between gasps of air you entirely incoherently say something that was supposed to mean ‘You’re so ugly!’ It’s probably a good thing, you reflect after you gain some self control, that he had no idea what you said.

 

Standing up and brushing yourself off, you announce your next plan. “Ok Ridonkulous, as your Amyrlin I demand that you give me a piggyback ride to FDM’s evil toyz. We have work to do!”

 

Emperor stares at you, “Who’s Ridonkulous?” he asks, confused as a little fairy princess confronted by an actual chore.

 

Or an Amrylin who is unused to anyone questioning her ever; such as yourself in fact, you glare at him angrily, not entirely sure how to respond to this. A number of ideas come to mind, each less rational than the last. First you scream “ORANGE” in the highest pitched voice you can manage, in hopes that a mysterious Orange Ajah sister might come to your rescue, but when that fails to happen you go looking for some random people to scream at. Again, you fail to find anyone other than Emperor, who clearly does not classify as a random person, as he is standing there beside you, and left you flabbergasted in the first place.

 

Maybe you should chew on some raw meat, but after much frantic searching you give up, as there is not a cow to be found in the city. Oh, a cow! Cows eat grass, maybe grass is tasty. The only problem is that you are hopelessly lost now, and have no idea how to get to the Ogier grove to eat some. So you sit down in the path and attempt to dig up some worms, maybe they’ll make grass for you.

 

You spend about 20 minutes grappling at the stones before giving up, the worms clearly aren’t interested in visiting you. Resigned, you decide to draw a picture of a giant woman. But with what? You don’t have any crayons.

 

“RIDONKULOUS!” You yell, “Gimme a piggyback ride to FDM’s Toy store!” Oh yes, this is a genius plan, her toy store MUST have crayons, it is a toy store after all. Seeing Emperor you run and jump on his back. “Go!” You dig your heels into his sides and he starts plodding along, dragging that damned chain behind him. You wish you had spurs, spurs would be more fun.

 

After a boringly long and CLANK! annoyingly loud trip to the toy store, you promptly set Emperor to work digging through the rubbish for any crayons that he might find. Some 20 minutes go by and he eventually finds four crayons, they are green, purple, white and beige. Beige? What a weird colour for a crayon. Oh well, you pocket them for later, because now you need a canvas, the perfect canvas. You don’t know what it is yet, but you’ll know it when you see it, and you can’t draw a giant woman without the perfect canvas.

 

Kathana has received four crayons (green, purple, white, beige).

 

(CONTINUED)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

> make a peom for the best person in the world...a guy name edward....

>eat belly fungus

>stick out tongue and taste the world to see if you can find out what is wrong with it...

>lick floor

> Force Muirenn to bake cookies.

> Discover the joy of adding alcohol as an ingredient in food.

Wonderful, you have the crayons and a sidekick, and a mission to find the perfect canvas, maybe Joe will be there too. Anyways, what to do next? Hmm, maybe poetry, yes, yes, poetry sounds good. You should do a poem about... Edward? Who is Edward? Isn’t he that twilight guy who is so terrible? There’s no way Edward is the best guy in the world. You pity any other fool who is named Edward (like Mr. T!) and decide that there is no way you’d ever write a poem about that twilight freak.

 

All this thinking is making you hungry though, and seeing Emperor lick everything around him you decide you should lick something too. The floor maybe? You look at the floor eyeing it warily for a moment, and shrug. What the heck? You lick the floor.

EWWW! GROSS! The floor is disgusting! What possessed you to Lick it? You have no idea, but you are not going to make THAT mistake again.

 

Ooh, you are struck with an idea. You look above you and are disappointed to not see a light bulb turned on above you. You are also curious as to what a light bulb even is. You lick the air, to see if you can figure out what’s wrong with this place, but it tastes like... well, all you can taste right now is the gross floor, so obviously that was a bust; it’s time to move on.

 

Food, right, you are still hungry, and the last minute or so had NOT helped with the hunger at all... what if you ate some belly fungus? Well, it sure wasn’t gonna come from you, you’re the Amrylin, fungus wouldn’t dare grow on your belly. You eye the hairy man’s belly nearby and... yeah, you’re not eating anything off of that belly either; you HATE getting hair in your teeth.

 

You decide to go find a kitchen, cause then maybe there’ll be food. After some CLANK! GAH! You can’t stand that clanking sound – searching you do eventually find a kitchen and when you walk in... Muirenn is standing there twiddling her thumbs. Well this will never do!

 

“Muirenn! Cookies! Bake! Now!” You shout, in your most amryliny voice. Oh yes, you were in charge... and you like booze. As Muirenn scrambles to get the cookies going, you tear through all the cupboards until you find a large bottle of vodka. Oh yes, this is going to be good. You dump the Vodka into the mixture as Muirenn tries to bake the cookies, and a warm happy feeling starts to spread throughout your body... until you realise that it’s just the vodka that you are actually drinking now that you’ve finished pouring it into the cookies. These are going to be the Best. Cookies... revr? No, thash nottttt a wrod... eversh... hic!

 

> Ask Emperor why he doesn't travel anymore.

> Prevent a terrible tragedy from never occuring.

> Reschedule a SeanCon event to a closer location than before.

 

“Brain... Brian... whashesher your ugy nam ish. Why don’t you travel anyever... enymoar... whashesher. Jush tell me!” Oh yes, this vodka was good stuff. You kinda wave at Emperor, and find yourself clinging to the counter for support.

 

SeanCon! Its gonna be too far away! You decide its needs to happen right here in this kitchen. Yes, much closer to the food and booze. And Muirenn is already here. Perfect! Now you’ve got to go move the venue, you start staggering towards the door when Emperor blocks your path.

 

“And where are you going, Amrylin?” He inquires of you in a voice that sounds... demanding. You don’t like demanding.

 

“You ish in my way! Ima go pervent a trashedy from never occurring!”

 

“Don’t you mean ever occurring?” Muirenn asks politely, giving you a look that went something along the lines of ‘you destroyed my cookies with your vodka you evil power-loving bitch.’

 

“I men your fashe!” You yell, getting an urge to post on the staff board, whatever that means, before falling over and passing out.

 

(CONTINUED)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

> Take out Tall Floor Lamp to view man claiming to be Emperor

> Take out object previously known as Man Thing

> Show Emperor as sign of friendship

> Balefire Emperor

> Take identical object previously known as Man Thing

> Offer pudding to Emperor, if for some reason he survived

> Think about why your warder bond acted the way it did.

> Find Anime School Kids

> Balefire the school kids

> Admire Amber Carving of Pudding Cup

>Collect Build grist

>Retreive arms from safe

 

You wake up to a head absolutely pounding, a hangover of the likes that you hadn’t experienced in years. But, you already know the best cure to hangovers... Balefire! You turn to Emp with the intent of balefiring him, before reconsidering, though if that damned chain of his clanked again, he’s a goner.

Instead you go searching for the schoolgirls that you had encountered earlier, grumbling under your breath in your angry hungover state about how good the balefire is gonna feel when CLANK! You spin around balefiring everything in your path, your rage multiplied tenfold by the hangover, and once you finish and let up several minutes you see Emperor laying on the ground, having been smart enough to dive for cover as soon as you had started moving.

 

But then the chain catches your eye, right, the trucknutz. You pull them out of your bag and go over to where Emperor is and compare them. There appears to be a keyhole that matches the shape of the trucknutz exactly, so you insert them and give them a twist. At this moment every guy reading this game winces, curls up a bit and notices a bit of an unpleasant feeling in his abdomen, but you don’t notice anything, since you are the Amrylin, and all Amrylin’s are women, everyone knows this.

 

You year a click, and notice for the first time that the end of the chain actually connects to Emperor’s ankle, or did before you unlocked it. Suddenly it occurs to you that you haven’t looked at Emperor that closely, and you need to know EXACTLY what he looks like. You figure that this is best accomplished with extra lighting, so you pull the Tall Floor Lamp out of... you don’t want to know where, but either way, you have it in your hand, and you light it so that you can see Emperor better.

 

After some close examination you come to the conclusion that... “Oh my, Emperor... you are actually unfunny. Here, have some pudding, maybe this’ll fix your problems.” You pull out some pudding and offer it to him, and in the process notice something you had quite forgotten about; the amber carving of a pudding cup. Holding it up you admire it for a few moments before putting it back into the pouch, idly wondering why masking the bond acts so strange... it’s almost as though it’s masking your very existence.

 

You need to collect the build grist. You don’t know what it is, or why you need to do so, you just do. However, since you don’t know what it is, you can’t. Maybe instead you should collect your arms from the safe. Huh, why would you do that? Your arms are right here... feeling yourself up. Oh, you have such a fantastic pair of boobs. You jiggle them for a moment and move on. It’s time to find that canvas.

 

~@PAUSED@~

Thank you for playing the Kathana MUD.  Please to enter your commands nowish.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...