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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Hilarious Tarmon Gaidon


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Posted

there were a whole bunch of these in the old DM forums..anyone remember any?

 

 

Hpoe you like--

 

Tarmon Gai’don (

 

Rand: Why did we break that last seal? Why oh why? I don’t wanna die!

 

Mat: Why is everyone looking at me like that? I needed a coaster for my ale! How was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to hit it really, really hard?

 

Perrin: But you hit it with a sledgehammer!

 

Mat: That’s beside the point.

 

(Shayol Ghul loomed in the distance as the small party advanced through the Blight. Suddenly Rand stopped.)

 

Rand: Why don’t I just make gateway? It’ll go much faster.

 

Mat: Okay, but I wanna go in last.

 

Everyone: Why?

 

Mat: Cuz I have issues with going first okay!

 

(He opened the gateway and everyone went through as Mat watched. He stepped forward to go through when suddenly it closed in front of him.)

 

Mat: Crap! Hello? Is anyone there?

Evil voice: Hehehe…

 

Mat: Are you my mommy?

 

Evil voice: No, guess again.

 

Mat: Are you the Daughter of the Nine Moons?

 

Evil voice: Hehehe…

 

(Suddenly a bunch of Shadowspawn leaped out from the shadows.)

 

Mat: Uh oh…

 

(The rest of the gang just stepped out of the gateway. Egwene turned to Gawyn)

 

Egwene: You know Gawyn, it’s the end of the world and we still haven’t done it yet…

 

Gawyn: Okay Egwene, will you bear my children?

 

(Suddenly the two started kissing passionately, a do not disturb sign popping out of thin air in front of them. Inspired by her friend, Elayne turned to Rand.)

 

Elayne: I get him first (She jumped on to Rand’s back)

 

Min: But I thought we agreed that I get him first!

 

Aviendha: What happened to sharing him? There’s nothing wrong with a foursome.

 

Elayne and Min: Okay!

 

(Nynaeve suddenly went up to Lan and eyed his mount curiously)

 

Nynaeve: Lan…what happened to Mandarb?

 

Lan: Well, some chick named Ashleigh came and killed him so I got this one. He’s a unicorn. His name is Princess but I call him Mike.

 

(Suddenly a girl jumped out of nowhere and cut off Mike’s head, laughing maniacally.)

 

Ashleigh: That will teach you not to sick squirrels on me! Muhahahahahaha!

 

Lan: Crap! Now what am I going to ride?

 

Strange Voice: You can ride me. I feel…so…alone.

 

Lan: Who said that?

 

Strange Voice: I’m Twinkle the Wonder horse.

 

Lan: That’s a pretty name. Can I call you Mike?

 

(All turned around just in time to see Moiraine pop out of a gateway)

 

Everyone: But you’re dead!

 

Moiraine: No I was never dead.

 

Rand: Then why did you stay away for so long?

 

Moiraine: Well you see, there was this really nice coffee place and I just couldn’t bring myself to leave.

 

Perrin: What the hell is coffee?

 

Moiraine: I don’t’ know but it makes me feel really good…and hyper.

 

(Moiraine started laughing maniacally and everyone started to inch away. Suddenly Mat came stumbling up, dressed in women’s clothing that consisted of high heels, lipstick and a pink, frilly dress.)

 

Mat: No more gravy!

 

Perrin: What’s with the dress?

 

Mat: Don’t go there…(shudders)

 

Rand: Alright now that everyone is here it is time I face the Dark One. (He waved Callandor around pompously.)

 

(Suddenly large booms echoed around the large cave they all stood in and a figure in black armour and a shiny red sword stepped out of the shadows.)

 

A deep, threatening and slightly echoing voice: Luke, I am your father.

 

(Suddenly he sprang up a sliced off Rand’s left hand.)

 

Rand: Hey I only have two of those you know.

 

Perrin: Dude, you’re in the wrong story.

 

Darth Vader: Damn! I knew I should’ve taken that left turn at Alberkurky!

 

Bugs Bunny: Hey, that’s my line!

 

Rand: Everyone get out of my story!

 

Darth Vader and Bugs Bunny: Sorry, no need to take a spas.

 

Rand: Okay, now let’s wait for the real Dark One to get here.

 

(Suddenly an eerie, slightly disturbing high-pitched voice spoke)

 

Voice: Prepare to face my wrath Dragon Reborn. For I am the Dark Lord………Chuckles the Silly Piggy! Muhahahahahahaha…and I will get you Dragon Reborn and your little dog too!

 

Rand: But I don’t have a dog!

 

Chuckles: Well not anymore you don’t!

 

 

(A sudden, cliché fight scene erupted.)

 

Rand and Chuckles stand opposite each other on a circle with dragon touching the edges.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Suddenly a voice shouts ''TAR'MON GAI'DON!!''

 

....some chap start playing a tune which basically has some drums and a view sharp notes. all ninja songs an' all.

-----------------------------------------------------

Aes Sedai: We must remain calm; we must remain calm…Ahhh screw serenity! Go, Rand, go!

 

(All the Aes Sedai are suddenly wearing cheerleader outfits) Give me an R, give me an A, give me an N…How do we spell your name again?

 

(Meanwhile Rand and Chuckles are locked in an epic battle of sheer power)

 

 

Rand: My cape’s bigger than your cape!

 

Chuckles: Is not!

 

Rand: Is too!

 

Chuckles: Is not!

 

Rand: Is—

 

Random Person: Isn’t the world supposed to be blowing up by now?

 

Rand & Chuckles: Oh yeeeaaahhh…

 

(Rand started to laugh maniacally and began to blow up mountains and trees)

 

Rand: Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

(World blows up and everyone dies.)

 

World: I’m gonna feel that on the morning.

 

Chuckles: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have won! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Rand: Oh, well. It’s not the end of the world. Oh wait....

 

 

hope you like it:p

  • 1 year later...
Guest Dreadlord
Posted

The fury of the Last Battle rages at the bottom of the black slopes of Shayol Ghul, and as Rand balefires his way through the hordes of shadowspawn he encounters a lone man, who seems to be waiting amidst the fighting, at the centre of a large clearing amidst the chaotic fighting.

 

"Time to die Al'Thor, link or no link!" Moridin shrieks, hurling balls of black fire at Rand with the True Power.

 

Rand counterattacks with an incredibly powerful stream of balefire using Callandor. "You will never prevail, creature of the Shadow! Do you know who you face? I am the Master of 10.30am!"

 

An epic one-on-one breaks out, but Moridin gets the better and knocks Rand to the ground using flows of Air.

 

The end seems nigh as Moridin draws back his hand to deliver the blow that will kill Rand, when suddenly there is the thundering sound of a roundhouse kick tearing shadowspawn to pieces. "It cannot be!" Moridin whispers.

 

Rand cranes his neck to see where Moridin is looking.

 

Chuck Norris appears, wading through a sea of dead Darkfriends, performing miracles of sheer destruction, slamming revolving doors and pulling wheelies on unicycles and such like, until he stands face to face with Moridin. As Moridin draws on the True Power Chuck Norris blinks, and Moridin crumbles to dust.

 

"On your feet, stumpy," Chuck Norris tells Rand. "This is no time to be powernapping. There is a roundhouse to be kicked."

 

A black mist seems to gather, and from it materialises the Dark One.

 

"SO, THE DRAGONS ANCIENT ALLY DECIDED TO JOIN US." booms the voice of the Great Lord of the Dark. "YOUR TIMEKEEPING IS APPALLING!"

 

Chuck Norris reaches into his pocket, and pulls out the legendary game of connect four.

 

"WHAT? BEING BOUND SINCE THE MOMENT OF CREATION, THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF ENDLESS MANIPULATION, AND IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS? SO BE IT!"

 

The game begins, the forces of the Light being represented by the yellow circles, the Dark taking the red. The Great Lord places the first piece, not daring to look at Chuck Norris as he did not ask for permission.  A cheer rises from the armies of the Shadow. Chuck retaliates with his own. The Dark One places his second piece, but Chucks counterpiece blocks the Dark Ones red line while connecting both of his own yellow pieces.

 

The armies of Darkfriends scream in outrage, but the Dark One quells their shouts with his tanoy-like voice, saying he cannot concentrate. He places his third piece.

 

Chuck Norris, waiting patiently with his third yellow circle in hand, takes his turn and puts his piece in, creating solid line of three yellow circles.

 

The Dark Ones eyes widen in surprise. "ALL MY PLANS...BOUND FOR MILLENIA...NOOOOOOOOO!" the Great Lords scream lingers in the air as both he and Chuck Norris fade from existence.

 

"Blood and bloody ashes!" Mat exclaimed. "I thought you needed a line of four to win!"

 

Rand grinned. "Chuck Norris can win connect four in three moves."

 

"He came like the wind, like the wind touched everything, and like the wind was gone," said Perrin.

 

 

Posted

      OOOOH! That was SAD!! The only thing missing was King Richard stopping Rand from marrying the Three Babes, after deafeating the Sherrif of Nottingham! (Men in Tights version)

 

    "It's good to be the King"

 

Posted

G'dev'ning, ladies and Bruces, and welcome to Shayol Ghul Stadium for the big kahuna, the smackdown of a lifetime. Well, two lifetimes for some of the players actually. I'm of course talking about Tarmon Gai'don!

 

With only minutes left to kick off, let's have a look at the starting lineups, shall we, Bruce?

 

We'll start with the challenger, the underdog Team Light. They start with a traditional 4-4-2, no surprises there.

In goal we see the ever so impressive Loial, Son of Arent Son of Halan.

 

Very nice to see Loial returning to the team for such an important game. There was some concerns he wouldn't be back in time from his honeymoon, but he made it, and we're very happy to see him

 

Very nice indeed, Bruce. And in the defence we of course first notice Lan al'Mandragoran. He's basically spent his entire life studying the opponent, and now he's rewarded with a place in the starting 11.

 

No surprise there, Bruce. And teaming up with him we see Rhuarc of the Taardad Aiel. Neither he any big surprise, a complete defender, and just like Lan he can also go for the attack sometimes.

 

If we then look at the fullbacks, to the right we see Perrin Aybara. It's been questioned if he's got the speed usually required, but I'd say he more than makes up for that with his ability to read the game.

 

He certainly does. And on the left we see Egwene al'Vere. Perhaps more of a midfielder, but lately she's shown great improvement in defence as well.

 

If we then look at the midfield, central with a more defending role we see Aviendha of the Taardad Aiel. A bit risky choice there, don't you think?

 

Well, she certainly has the skills, but she also has quite a temper, and having her sent off could be a disaster. Let's just hope the coach has been able to talk her into calming down a little.

 

The other central midfielder, with the more creative role is Mat Cauthon. At the beginning of the season most people deemed him as too immature to even be on the bench, but if there's one player on the pitch who has improved, it's him.

 

Definitly. His ability to create chances out of nowhere might be one of the team's most lethal weapons today. And lately he has shown that he also can help out with the defence, so he might be the key to victory today.

 

Let's look at the wings then. On the right we have a surprise, Tuon Paendrag. Just a few months ago very few had even heard of her, and now she's starting. But having seen her play, it's a well earned place. Not so strong in the air, but a technique not like anyone else, and a good right foot that can provide some nice crosses. Good for Team Light to have her, both teams long tried to sign her, and it was very uncertain which she would chose.

 

And on the left wing we see Mazrim Taim...Hold on, I'm just getting a report here...Oh my, it appears Taim just has announced that he has signed for Team Dark. Is he really allowed to do that, so close before a game?

 

Well, it's not unusual for Team Dark to treat the rules however they feel like it. Let's see who will replace him ,shall we?

 

Ah yes, let's do that. The normal replacement should be Logain Ablar, an almost identical player.

 

Oh, wait. It's not Logain, he stays on the bench. Instead we see Galad Damodred take the left wing. Now that was a huge shocker, I wonder what Team Dark's coach will make of this?

 

Together with Mat, perhaps the most technical player on the team, very fast, but maybe not as eager to attack as we exoect a winger to be.

 

So, only the attackers left. First we have Davram Bashere. Hardly a surprise, it was him or Gareth Bryne, so I guess the one who looked best during warm up got to play.

 

A stabile player, years of experience at top level, strong and fast with a great shot. Maybe a bit weak in the air though, but that is taken care of by the final player...

 

And we're of course talking about the star of the team, the captain Rand al'Thor. He's got everything, physique, technique, an eye for the goal, you name it. If we shall try to find a weakness, perhaps he's got a tendency to be too selfish sometimes, he likes to get the final shot himself. But the coach has been talking to him a lot lately, and probably pointed that out for him.

 

The coach, yes. Cadsuane Melaidhrin. A tactical genious, who's famous for her ability to find surprising changes that can turn around any game, no matter how hopeless it looks.

 

And that, ladies and Bruces, was the starting 11 for Team light. Let's move on to Team dark then, and see how they chose to start.

 

Team Dark has a bit more attack minded line-up, playing 3-5-2. In goal we see Marg the Trolloc. Apparently the younger brother of Narg, but this is his first appearance in the team, so it will be exciting to see what he can do.

 

In the heart of defence we see Shaidar Haran. This most impressive player broke into the team in the mid-season, and has since showed an amazing form. Very physical, and almost impossible to beat in the air. Quite a challenge for young Al'Thor. Though, since he's mostly played friendlies, it remains to be seen what he can do on the big stage.

 

And on his sides we see Mesaana to the right and Moghedien to the left. Not very surprising, both have their strength in defence, and are quite skilled on the ball.

 

If we then look at the midfield, taking defending responsibility and organizing the others we see Demandred. Quite obvious choice, he's an excellent tactician, and a good leader. Question though what he thinks about once again being denied captaining the team?

 

Well, we know he can be a bit full of himself, but at the same time, he knows the importance of doing what's best for the team. But I wouldn't be too shocked to see him try out some fancy moves just to get to shine a little.

 

Just in front of Demandred we see Graendal and Mazrim Taim. Could this perhaps be the reason Taim jumped teams, that he gets a more central role here?

 

It might be, we know that he, just like Demandred likes to be in the spotlight. It's quite a bold move, to have Taim in a central role, given his aggressiveness. He's very powerful, and not afraid to use that.

 

Graendal on the other hand is the more technical of them. Maybe a bit too anonymous though, she really needs to step forward a bit more than she's done during the qualifiers.

 

And if we then look at the wings, on the right we see Aran'gar. Here we talk a lovely technique, when she gains momentum in her movement it's a pure joy for the eye.

 

Relax Bruce, and stop drooling all over the desk, we're supposed to be focused here.

 

You're absolutely right, Bruce. Sorry about that. 

 

So, where were we? Right, the wings. As I said, Aran'gar is on the right, and on the left we have a Gholam. That might cause Team Light some serious problem, both technique, speed and physique. Lacks creativity though, so it's important that the other players remember to communicate.

 

And finally we have the attackers. As expected we see Cyndane up front. She was out injured, and missed a big part of the season, but she seems to be back in almost the same form as before. And since she's been involved in two qualifiers that ended with Team Light winning, she must really be eager to walk away victorious today.

 

She certainly must be. Especially if the rumours are true, that she tried to negotiate a transfer to Team Light, but they were not interested.

 

And teaming up with her we see...We see...Uhm, I'm sorry, but I can't see anyone. Can you, Bruce?

 

No, it looks like they're only 10 players. Oh wait, there, a Grey Man! Now that's a shocker, the captain Moridin starts on the bench, and the so far untested Grey Man takes his place on the field. Wonder how Team Light will respond to that?

 

So, that was the starting 11, and of course the DO coaches the team, assisted by Moridin, who remains on the bench in the beginning. And with Moridin on the bench, it appears that Demandred will get to captain the team.

 

Kick off should be any time now, we're off to get some Kaf, a bit chilly here at the Shayol Ghul Stadium. See you in five.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Welcome back, ladies and Bruces, we're just about to see the kick off here. Team Light starts with the ball, and it seems Bashere starts. The referee Bela blows the whistle, and we're off!

 

Bashere plays it backwards to Cauthon, Cauthon advances, and plays it wide to Tuon on the right. Tuon is searching for al'Thor, but gets clattered by Demandred. ouch, that must have hurt!

 

Demandred plays it to Graendal, who goes past Aviendha easily. An elegant chip to Aran'gar. Aran'gar advances, but Egwene clears the ball. Throw-in for Team Dark. Taim takes the throw, finds Demandred who lifts it into the box, but it's cleared by Rhuarc.

 

Team Light now going forward, Aviendha crosses to Galad, who goes central to avoid the Gholam, Galad sends the ball to Rand, Rand heads it...

 

What a save by Marg!

 

Corner for Team Light, taken by Tuon, who plays it short to Cauthon, Cauthon plays it to Lan, who takes a shot from outside the box...Over!

 

Shaidar Haran now for Team Dark, avoids a tackle from al'Thor, Haran to Gholam, who's clattered by Cauthon. Free kick to Team Dark. Demandred takes the kick, sends it far down the wing to Aran'gar, Aran'gar lifts it to Cyndane, who shoots...

 

Goal!!! What a great shot by Cyndane, Loial did not have a chance to take it.

 

Aviendha now for Team Light, passes to Egwene, Egwene advances, avoids the Gholam, there's the cross, Cauthon has the ball, seeks Bashere, but Haran clears.

 

Haran to Mesaana, who goes forward, passes to Taim, who fumbles, Aviendha snatches the ball. Short to Tuon, who runs down the wing, Demandred tackles, throw in for Team Light.

 

Tuon throws, Bashere recieves, turns around. Tackle by Moghedien, but the ball goes to Cauthon, who gets a hard tackle from behind by the Gholam. Bela blows the whistle, and runs towards them. Free kick of course, and there's the card, the Gholam is booked for that tackle on Cauthon. No complaints about that, it was hard, and from behind.

 

Cauthon rubs his leg, and grimaces, but no sign that he can't continue. al'Thor takes the kick, Powerful shot! Unfortunatly a few centimeters outside the goal.

 

Goalkick for Team Dark, far up the field, Graendal recieves it, plays it forward to noone...Oh, it was to the Grey Man, didn't see him. The Grey Man goes between Lan and Rhuarc, who also seems to have troubles spotting him...

 

Goal! Poor Loial never saw that one coming.

 

2-0 for Team dark, and it doesn't look good for Team Light now.

 

Cauthon loses possession to Graendal, who is tackled by Aviendha, plays it to Egwene, who crosses to Perrin, Perrin to Cauthon, Cauthon goes for the shot...

 

So close! Where's his famous luck when he needs it the most?

 

And Bela blows the halftime whistle.

 

Team Light will have to find a way to turn this around, being down 0-2 and Team dark looking very strong at the moment. I suspect we will see some changes for the second half. What do you think, Bruce?

 

Right, changes, that's what they need.

 

Always full of insights. We'll be back in a while for the second half, so don't go anywhere.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

And so, ladies and Bruces, we're about to start the 2nd half. Team Light has quite a challenge ahead of them, being two goals down. But we've seen them beat difficult odds before.

 

And it appears coach Cadsuane has made a change already, out goes Galad Damodred. A wise move, he's been struggling on the pitch today, this level might have been a bit too high for him. Lets see, who will come on instead...It's Moiraine! What a shock return by the diminutive Aes Sedai who's been out with an injury for a huge part of the season, after a most impressive start. This should give Team Light some more flair in the attack.

 

Team Dark has not made any changes yet.

 

And there's the whistle, and we're on again.

 

A standstill on the midfield, no team can get much of a build up so far, Taim with the ball there, tackled by Aviendha, Moiraine gets her first contact with the ball, quick pass to Cauthon, who gets tackled by the Gholam, who shows no sign of taking it easy, despite having one yellow already, throw in for Team dark, Demandred to Graendal, cross to Cyndane who's down on the wing, challenges Egwene who clears the ball to a new throw in, Taim throws, almost into the box, cleared by Rhuarc, the ball to Tuon who takes on Aran'gar, gets by, but is tackled by Moghedien.

 

Tuon is still down, Team Lights physician Nynaeve runs in to check her out, Tuon is grabbing her knee. Seems like Demandred's tackle took worse than it seemed. She gets carried off the pitch to receive further treatment.

 

Bela takes out the yellow card, no doubt about that, Moghedien gets booked. The freekick is taken by Moiraine, short to Cauthon who lifts it into the box, seeking Al'Thor, but Shadar Haran clears, Demandred advances, pass to the Gholam, Cauthon wins the ball, the Gholam tackles Cauthon from behind, Cauthon is down, Bela has blown the whistle, runs to the situation. And there's the yellow card, the Gholam's second, so yes, the red card is up as well, the Gholam is sent off. Cauthon is back on his feet, seems to be muttering something I think we should be glad we can't hear.

 

Cadsuane signals for a substitute, appears that Tuon won't play more. And now Logain comes on! The crowd goes wild as the powerful player brought in quite late in the season enters the field. He walks up to Bashere and talks, probably they will switch positions, as Logain is a more natural attacker. Yes, Bashere takes place on the midfield, and Logain teams up with al'Thor. Al'Thor who stands ready to take the freekick, flies wide, out to Moiraine who shots on volley, the ball bounces of Shadar Haran’s leg…

 

Goal!!! Moiraine's elegant curled ball bounces just enough to have Marg go the wrong way, and Team Light is back in the game!

 

Substitution in Team Dark now, the Grey Man goes out, he hasn't done much since his goal in the first half, and in comes Moridin. Seems like the coach doesn't have complete faith in his team to stand the distance.

 

Demandred immediately seeks Moridin with a cross, intercepted by Perrin, who runs down the wing, crosses to Bashere, who is just centimetres from reaching the ball, but it goes over the line, throw-in for Team dark, Mesaana to Taim, who passes to Graendal, tackled by Aviendha, no action from the referee, Aviendha to Moiraine, who chips it over Moghedien, trying to find Logain, but Shadar Haran gets there first, Haran to Demandred, Aviendha goes in with her studs first, there's the whistle, and Bela puts Aviendha down for a yellow card. Taim takes the freekick, lifts it to Cyndane, who's beaten in the air by Lan, the ball out to Egwene, who goes down the wing, passes Taim easily, then avoids Mesaana's tackle, elegant pass to Al'Thor, who goes for the goal...

 

OMG! What a horrible tackle by Haran! Looked like he tried to take Al'Thor's legs off. Al'Thor is down on the ground, grimacing wildly while clutching his knee. Appears that he fell face down, because his nose seems to be bleeding, dripping on the ground actually. Nynaeve runs in to stop the bleeding and look to his knee…

 

Bela does not hesitate, and shows Haran the red card. And points at the penalty spot. Al'Thor is back on his feet, seems that Nynaeve once again has produced a miracle. Makes you wonder why Tuon couldn't continue, but nevermind. Al'Thor takes care of the penalty himself, steps up, and...

 

Goal!!! Perfect penalty by Al'Thor, in Marg's left corner, and the score is 2-2!

 

Seems like there will be another substitution in Team Dark...Oh my! Marg goes out, and the Dark One takes the field himself! This will be interesting, the DO hasn't played a game for over 3000 years, can he really be fit enough?

 

Demandred short to Graendal, Graendal tries to find Moridin, but Logain is deep down, and sends the ball out for a throw-in. Moridin throws long, to Cyndane who fires a low shot from just outside the box, but Rhuarc is there and kicks it up in the field, Cauthon reaches it, passes to Logain, who…And there’s the final whistle!

 

A change of the rules means that there will be no Golden Goal, instead we go directly to penalty shoot-out. First best of five, and if it's still a draw, each team will take one penalty each until we have a winner.

 

 

Team Dark starts, Moridin steps up, shoots. Goal!

Logain for Team Light, saved by the DO!

Taim for Team Dark, saved by Loial!

Moiraine for Team Light, saved! But oh so close…

Cyndane for Team Dark, another superb save by Loial!

Cauthon for Team Light, Goal!

Demandred for Team Dark, hits the post! Lucky for Team Light there, as Loial went the wrong direction.

Perrin for Team Light, shoots over!

Moghedien for Team dark, also over!

Al'Thor has the chance to secure the victory now, he takes a deep breath...

 

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL!!!!!

 

The DO has no chance at Al'Thor's tricky penalty. Team Light wins Tarmon Gai'don, and the entire squad is throwing themselves in a big pile on the pitch.

 

Well, ladies and Bruces, how's that for an exciting game? I'm Bruce, and right beside me is the always so charming Bruce. Tune in next week for the Trophy Shield between Randland and Seanchan, a match that can be just as exciting as this has been..

 

  • 1 month later...
Posted

 

Aes Sedai: We must remain calm; we must remain calm…Ahhh screw serenity! Go, Rand, go!

 

(All the Aes Sedai are suddenly wearing cheerleader outfits) Give me an R, give me an A, give me an N…How do we spell your name again?

 

 

 

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!I LOVE THIS CHEERLEADER THING!!!!!!!!THE LAST THING I CAN IMAGINE IS AES SEDAI AS CHEER LEADERS!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D

Posted

THE DO: It is now my time to rule. Your turn is over. Prepare to die.

 

RAND: Listen Mate, I am hangover and really really tired. How about a raincheck. How's 5000 years time for you.

 

THE DO: *sighs* I guess so. But you owe me.

Posted

-Rand has just broken the seals and is in the Pit of Doom waiting to face Shai'tan, with the Choedan Kal-

 

"I'm ready for you Shai'tan, let this be our final battle!" Shouted Rand into the chaos known as the Pit of Doom. His shout sounded muffled to his ears, the very air seemed to suppress the noise, as if he were trying to shout through a batton of thick wool.

He began to hop side to side, leg to leg, and shake his arms out. It probably wouldn't help him defeat Shai'tan, it would not be a physical battle, but it felt good to limber himself up and get the blood flowing.

Then there was deafening sound, like plate mail being torn into strips by incredibly strong hands. The world seemed to scream it's agony in a thousand voices. It tore at his sanity like razors and an unseen force tried to drive him into the ground. As suddenly as it began, it stopped. Expecting the worst Rand looked around cautiously. The very air seemed to be darkening over the lake of molten earth in the center of the chamber. As the air grew darker it shifted like mists ... no, like fire. The darkness was slowly coalescing into a human form, swathed in stygian fire that rolled off of it like liquid. It ate the light in the chamber.

Then he saw it's eyes. There were no eyes to actually be seen, but it was unmistakeable. There were two pits of darkness that stared out of the form. A darkness so complete, it made the darkest of nights seem like staring at the noonday sun. That was when he realized this dark form did not eat the light, it exuded darkness, as a flame emits light.

The form suddenly gathered itself and began to approach, the molten earth it passed over blackened and shattered like glass. Rand drew Saidin through the Choedan Kal, preparing to fight fire with Fire, when he felt the great sa'angreal the Access Key was linked to, shatter.

"No, impossible," Rand stood dumfounded. His one chance of defeating Shai'tan had just been crushed like a bug underfoot.

The Access Key was useless, even the Power left him. Left, not fled, pushed as if by some great force back to the True Source. Trying to grab hold of the Power felt like trying to lift a mountain with his bare hands. It was useless, but he was desperate. The wall thumped into his back, he did not realize he had been backing up. Shai'tan still came on. Within the Void Rand desperately clawed at the True Source, fear crept along the outside. A pace away the form stopped, nearly a foot taller, the form loomed over him, black eyes bathing him in darkness, never blinking. 

Lost in it's eyes Rand never noticed the form's hand reaching for his throat. It closed its fingers around Rand's neck, the stygian fire, hotter than a blacksmithes bellows, colder than frozen steel. The form pulled Rand close and said ...

..."Hodor"

And Rand knew terror.

Posted

bahahahahah Suddenly a voice shouts ''TAR'MON GAI'DON!!'' when i read that i instantly thought of MORTAL COMBAT!!! and the little theme song haha.

 

but my favorite line is

"Mat: Are you my mommy?

 

Evil voice: No, guess again.

 

Mat: Are you the Daughter of the Nine Moons?"

haha amazing.

 

Guest Dreadlord
Posted

Rand Wins! Fatality

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