[Feast of Fools Flicker Ball and Street Fair: 2024] Joke Contest!

[HeavyHalfMoonBlade]

Welcome to the Amyrlin's Blessing, the best inn in Tar Valon. 

 

I am the Amyrlin for this event and I bid you all to pull up a bench, and have a drink - not for the Novices or Algai, mind! - on the house. 

 

All here can tell jokes, and the person that tells the joke with the most upvotes - we would judge them but this fine Andoran red is going down far too easily and probably I will not be a good judge - will win the title of "Jester" so they can show off and be the envy of their friends. 

 

One joke per post, the punchline, if appropriate in Spoilers - highlight the necessary text and then click/tap on the Eye icon above between Quote and Remove Format. Jokes must follow DM rules, as in be PG13 and preferably funny. No double posting please, unless separated by 12 hours.

Edited December 31, 2023 by HeavyHalfMoonBlade

[HeavyHalfMoonBlade]

So I will start the ball rolling. 

 

A rabbit goes into a butchers, and asks "Got any lettuce?" 

 

The butcher is confused, but explains that he is a butcher, and no, he does not have any lettuce.

 

The next day the rabbit comes back, and asks  "Got any lettuce?" 

 

The butcher again explains what a butcher is, and rather apologetically says that he does not have any lettuce.

 

Again, the next day the rabbit comes back, and asks  "Got any lettuce?" 

 

By now the butcher is getting a little annoyed, and tells the rabbit that no, he has no lettuce, will not have any lettuce tomorrow, and will never have any lettuce!

 

Again, the next day the rabbit comes back yet again, and asks  "Got any lettuce?" 

 

The butcher screams "No" at the rabbit and chases him from the shop. 

 

But it does not help. Day after day, the rabbit returns to ask, "Got any lettuce?"

 

Eventually the butcher snaps and grabs the rabbit by the throat as he comes into the shop. "I don't have any lettuce. And if you come in one more time asking for lettuce I'll nail your ears to the floor!" The rabbit gulps and runs, clearly terrified.

 

The rabbit does not come back the next day, or the next. The butcher is relieved that it is finally over.

 

But the next day the rabbit comes back. The butcher is astounded and the rabbit nervously asks  "Got any nails?"

 

The butcher is taken by surprise and answers "no". Upon which the rabbit bounces back happily and asks "Got any lettuce?"  

[LilyElizabeth]

This is one I created all by my wee self:

 

For those who don't know, Sonny Bono died in a skiing accident many years after Cher divorced him. What most don't know is that Cher attended his funeral, and when it was her turn to approach the open casket, she was crying her eyes out. "I should have been a better wife to you. I shouldn't have divorced you. You were the only man I ever loved" she sobbed out. 

 

Upon her delivery of those fateful words, Sonny sat up in the casket and said:

 

Spoiler

I Got you Babe!

 

 

[Cross]

my favorite from my fifth grade teacher. 

 

 

a young recruit steps in to get his gear before going off to war, having to wait in a long line as weapons are issued he finally comes up to get his. but looking around there are no more guns, his commanding officer says, "dont worry, when you see the enemy far off just point your finger at them and say 'bangitty bangitty bang.'"

 

concerned the soldier asks, "what if they're too close to shoot?"

 

"well, then you jab your finger forward and say 'stabbity stabbity stab.'" his commanding officer instructed. dubious but with no recourse he's fitted with a helmet and marched off to war. 

 

finding himself near the frontlines the soldier managed to avoid direct conflict, armed as he was, but soon he was separated from his group and sighting the enemy on approach. nervous he raised his finger, aimed at the oncoming soldiers and said, "bangitty bangitty bang!" to his surprise the enemy soldier he'd pointed at fell down dead. thrilled he pointed his finger at the next soldier, yelling, "BANGITY BANGITY BANG!" 

 

again the enemy fell down dead. 

 

now, however he was faced with a soldier rushing at him, too close to shoot, he jabbed his finger forward and yelled, "stabbity stabbity stab!"  yet again, the enemy soldier fell down dead. amazed, his attention went to an approaching enemy walking down the road in his direction. raising his finger the soldier said, "bangitty bangitty bang."

 

but nothing happened. 

 

trying again he shouted, "bangitty bangitty bang!" still the enemy approached. now closer, the soldier jabbed his finger forward yelling "stabbity stabbity stab!" to no avail. the enemy soldier just kept walking, right over the young man who himself fell down dead. 

 

the last thing the young soldier heard as the enemy soldier walked over him was the marching man saying, "tankity tankity tank"

[RichardParker]

On 1/2/2024 at 8:38 AM, Cross said:

my favorite from my fifth grade teacher. 

 

 

a young recruit steps in to get his gear before going off to war, having to wait in a long line as weapons are issued he finally comes up to get his. but looking around there are no more guns, his commanding officer says, "dont worry, when you see the enemy far off just point your finger at them and say 'bangitty bangitty bang.'"

 

concerned the soldier asks, "what if they're too close to shoot?"

 

"well, then you jab your finger forward and say 'stabbity stabbity stab.'" his commanding officer instructed. dubious but with no recourse he's fitted with a helmet and marched off to war. 

 

finding himself near the frontlines the soldier managed to avoid direct conflict, armed as he was, but soon he was separated from his group and sighting the enemy on approach. nervous he raised his finger, aimed at the oncoming soldiers and said, "bangitty bangitty bang!" to his surprise the enemy soldier he'd pointed at fell down dead. thrilled he pointed his finger at the next soldier, yelling, "BANGITY BANGITY BANG!" 

 

again the enemy fell down dead. 

 

now, however he was faced with a soldier rushing at him, too close to shoot, he jabbed his finger forward and yelled, "stabbity stabbity stab!"  yet again, the enemy soldier fell down dead. amazed, his attention went to an approaching enemy walking down the road in his direction. raising his finger the soldier said, "bangitty bangitty bang."

 

but nothing happened. 

 

trying again he shouted, "bangitty bangitty bang!" still the enemy approached. now closer, the soldier jabbed his finger forward yelling "stabbity stabbity stab!" to no avail. the enemy soldier just kept walking, right over the young man who himself fell down dead. 

 

the last thing the young soldier heard as the enemy soldier walked over him was the marching man saying, "tankity tankity tank"

Nice, I like it.