Is it real? (attn Perivar)

[Eqwina]

It had only been in the last few weeks that the Mistress of Novices had deemed Kabria worthy to teach Novices. The fact was it had only been that long since she’d learned to control her temper. Her new found friends had a calming effect on her, and she approached the new responsibility with vigor.

 

Walking down the halls and into the Library she paused to gather a few books she’d need for their lesson today. The classroom she’d reserved was just outside of the library,but on a whim Kabria had decided that their lesson would go better out of doors. She led the expectant girls out into the yards and to “her”spot. Seeing Perivar just a few moments sooner was a foolish reason to hold class in the gardens, and likely a good way to get in trouble, but a love struck Kabria couldn’t make herself care. Running low on patience and hopeless distracted she dismissed the girls early and took the few minutes left before High to calm her nerves.

 

Settling on the soft grass in the shade of the old tree Kabria closed her eyes and placed her hands palm up on her knees. When she had first come to the Tower her anger and resentment had her wound so tight that she only way she could even glimpse Saidar was with an hour of quiet meditation. Those days were far behind her, but the calming silence still did to settle her nerves. Floating in the calm darkness she formed an image of Perivar face, his belled braids jingling quietly as leaned towards her for a kiss. She was so caught up in her fantasy that she did not hear the rustling of the grass announcing his arrival.

 

Images of their kisses were battled by visions of their future in the Borderland…meeting his family and of traveling deep into the Blight to what was once Malkier. Ending each fight wrapped in each others arms tangled….

 

A distant voice coughed quietly, and Kabria’s eyes sprang open her face turning beat red at coming face to face with the object of her affection. “Perivar! I was…” Quickly she tired to think if she’d said or done anything to let him know what she’d been thinking. “I…..” Hiding her blush in her hands she laughed and shook the waves from her face. “Hi”

If there had been any doubts about the magic of what she'd been feeling, they were all put to rest when he smiled.

[Sieve]

Perivar watched from a distance as Kabria dismissed her Novice class.  He had been early so he watched her as she taught her class.  He yearned for any glimpse of her so he decide to arrive early, he could not have waited a moment longer had the Dark One barred his way.  He was worried sick that she would not show, worried that he would find the garden empty and his heart torn from his chest.

 

Perivar had become even stealthier since coming to the Tower so sneaking up on her was an easy task.  There she sat on the soft grass in the shade of the old tree where she loved to read.  This time though Kabria sat with her eyes closed, her hands rested palm up on her knees.  He thought of sneaking the rest of the way and touching her though on second thought that wasn't a good idea.  Pranks were funny but not against someone who could burn you to a cinder.  Not to mention she seemed so at ease that he felt bad disturbing her.

 

Perivar let reason guide him deciding to clear his throat to get her attention.  Kabria’s eyes sprang open, her face turning beat red as she spoke  “Perivar! I was…” “I…..”   She hid her face in her hands as she laughed and shook the waves from her face. “Hi”

 

"Hi" he replied as he arched an eybrow smiling at her, a devious smile as if he could truly read her thoughts. He took a seat next to her as he said "I would give all the coin in my pouch to know what you were thinking" while losing herself in her lovely blue eyes.  There was so much he wanted to say yet his heart told him to go slow.  Do not push her away you fool.

 

In one hand he held a practice dagger and scabbard.  The practice dagger which he had the weaponsmith make to match her dagger perfectly.  The major difference was that it held no edge and the point was blunt so Kabria could practice with it and not worry about harming herself or others.  He could see her eyeing it probably wondering where her dagger was. 

 

"Don't worry dear I have it with me twisting his body to show it safe and secure on his belt in her scabbard.  I thought you may want to see it yet it will be a while before you can safely wield it.  If you use only a portion of the passion you have within you to learn then you will be there in no time.  Once you become proficient with this we can move on to a short sword if you wish."

 

He wanted to help her learn the Dagger, he knew it was important though her mere presence is what fueled him.  She was beautiful, she was passionate, she was the sun in his sky, and she was his.  He stared into her eyes "I missed you!  I know I sound like a moonstruck calf but I could not sleep a wink last night in fear that you would not show."   He reached over to gently grab her hand, the feel of her hand sending a tingle through his body.

 

Perivar always had a tough time with his emotions, he had always harbored them deep inside tucking them away so he appeared devoid of feelings.  It was why he had been so careless in battle, all the rage surfacing making him unstable yet now things were different.  He was no better with finding the right words though at least he had come out of his shell making an effort to be more social.  With Kabria it seemed easy to speak, easy to say how he felt even if he couldn't find the exact words she did not seem to think less of him.   

[Eqwina]

"I would give all the coin in my pouch to know what you were thinking"

 

Laughing quietly Kabria shook her head. “I don’t think you are old enough to hear the thoughts in my head” Her face colored to match the sunset, but she did not break his gaze. Learning to be more free with her emotions was the first step to truly trusting Perivar.

 

Her eyes skimmed over the practice dagger in his hands, but were quickly diverted as he twisted in her sight. She knew that with her raising fast approaching she should be focusing on her studies, and learning how to use the weapon she’d purchased, but her eyes lingered casually on his body, drinking him in. Gripping him tight she pulled him down next to her and scooted closer until she was near enough to feel his breathe on her neck when he spoke. After almost a full day without his presence she wanted to be as near to him as she could. "I missed you!  I know I sound like a moonstruck calf but I could not sleep a wink last night in fear that you would not show." 

“You are not the only fool with those fears; I don’t like I managed even an hour myself. I was so afraid that if I closed my eyes I would wake to find that you had only been a dream.”

 

“Do you think it was only on a whim that I held my class outside?” Her eyes twinkled with a delight that he shared. “I wanted to be closer to you that much sooner. I couldn’t bare another minute without you.”

Grabbing the practice dagger from his hands she toyed with it while she admitted the true feelings of her heart. “I do not know how I am going to manage without out you! You drive me to distraction when you are before my eyes, but already you are ingrained in my life. If I lost you now I am not sure what I would do…I know that I couldn’t remain here.” Turning the dagger over in her hands she held it in a manner that she thought it should be and preformed a small thrust, almost absently “I am scared Perivar…what if you don’t come back? This..” With her free hands she reached into her dress and pulled out the small charm. “This is not enough for me, I need you!”

With the torrent of emotions raging inside her it was so hard for Kabria to distinguish between what was real and what was fueled by impending loss.

 

[Sieve]

Her face colored to match the sunset, but she did not break his gaze as she spoke   “I don’t think you are old enough to hear the thoughts in my head”  He blushed as well as his mind ran through all the possibilities.  Things were slightly faster paced in the Borderlands, he was not as innocent as she must have thought.

 

To know that she had felt the same made everything in his world right.  Her words were music to his ears, at that moment he felt like nothing else mattered.  The way she toyed with the dagger while she spoke made him smile.  Everything about her aroused the passion inside him that he did not know he possessed.  Love was the last thing he thought he would find at the Tower.

 

Emotions raged inside him though he started on a lighter note.  He did not trust his heart to speak of her concerns for his departure from the Tower.  "You may not think me old enough though in Arafel I would already have been married off.  I was certainly old enough when I left, I am certain my parents already had an arrangement with another family before the White Tower came calling."   He laughed out loud at the thought giving her a smile that said he was not as innocent as she thought him to be.  "Light Kabria, everyone my age would already be married off and have children already, lots of children." Again he laughed at the thought, he could not imagine himself having children.

 

Perivar stared at the coat of arms, he knew it was not enough though while he was gone it would have to be enough.  Perivar put a finger to her lips, the feeling of her soft lips sent shivers through his body.  A simple touch made his heart beat faster. "I know Kabria, I know it is not enough.  Already our duty to the Tower comes between us.  I would rather assault the hordes from Shayol Ghul with only my fists for weapons than to leave you.  Knowing that I cannot even catch a glimpse of you while I am away tears my heart to pieces." 

 

Perivar took a deep breath trying to brace himself against the flood of emotions coursing through him.  "The fact that I have to leave you to one day be with you is more cruel than any torture device ever made.  It is only through the completion of my training that I can be by your side.  I do not know how I will manage but the thought of returning to you will have to be enough."  His hand moved to caress her face, he brushed away the hair from her face so that he could stare into her blue eyes.  Every feature of her face perfectly ingrained in his mind, everything about her was beautiful.  It was as if all the beauty the world possessed had been combined when she was born.   

 

"Know that you will be in my heart, in my mind every moment of every day while I am away.  Do not be scared my dear.  I cannot guarantee in what shape I will return, but I swear that nothing short of the Dark One will keep me from returning to you...if you will have me."  No he could not bear returning to find that she no longer needed him, no longer wanted him.  He could not bear the pain. 

 

Until he met her he had not spared a moment thinking of their upcoming mission.  Until now it was just a part of his quest to attain the rank of Tower Guard so that he could continue his training in hopes of becoming a Warder.  Things were more complex now than he could ever have imagined.  His body would be away though his heart would remain in Tar Valon.  Light you are a fool tell her, thoughts such as this are wasted on yourself.  It does no good to let it remain unspoken.

 

Perivar took her hands in his fighting against the emotions that assailed his heart.  He wanted to embrace her, he wanted to hold her and cherish her for the rest of his days.  "Kabria..."  The sound of her name resonated in his mind as if a thousand harps plucked the same sweet note.  "It is only my body that will be away for my heart will remain with you in Tar Valon.  My heart and the promise of my love for you is all I have to give."      

[Eqwina]

 

She had never inquired too closely as to Perivar age; she had always just assumed that she was older. The slowing that occurred in all women that could channel happened early in her; so while she looked not a day past 20 she was already 10 years past that. Could he look at her the same way if he knew?

 

A brief stab of jealousy rose when she heard that he could have been married off. It didn’t seem fair that some other woman almost had what was rightly hers. "Light Kabria, everyone my age would already be married off and have children already, lots of children."

 

children? That opened a whole new vein of thought and Kabria reddened again. Arching her eyebrow at him and flipping her hair over her shoulders she smiled, a slow seductive smile. “Lets just hope you are not too practiced at the art of making children” Light send that its so! Because if he was he would find her a miserable match.

 

It had been she that told him that their duty would be first, with their love falling a close second. So, why did it hurt so much for him to confirm it? It felt as if their lives had been invaded, by some foreign entity. The White Tower was their mistress and to her they answered above all other. It made the idea of having the White Tower graven on your bones much more personal when it came between a woman and her lover. “You will come back to me in the state you left Perivar Tarigan or I will make you pay” With the blunt dagger in her hand she drug it lightly down his arm. “No one is allow to harm even a hair on your head without my permission.” It was an idiotic fancy, but she felt that if she wished it hard enough she could make it true. After all the Light had brought her the man she’d always dreamed for.

 

"It is only my body that will be away for my heart will remain with you in Tar Valon.  My heart and the promise of my love for you is all I have to give."

 

Laying her hand on his heart she beamed at him with the radiance only a woman in love could manage. “Never say that you only gave me your heart. To me, loving someone is the greatest gift you can give and it shames me to ask more of you. But, Perivar you promised me. You swore that you would show me your home, and mine and even the idea of losing that chance makes me cry.”

 

“I am scared. My tears dried up a long time ago, I thought there was nothing left in this world that could make me shed a tear..until I met you. Now, against my better judgment I have laid my heart on the line and I feel like it was placed in front of an arrow. ‘ she put her finger to his lips “Not by you, but by your other mistress. Just know this; if any harm befalls you I will feel it tenfold. And if you died, a part of me would die to.I don’t mean to put undo pressure on you, but in one day you have captured my heart and promised the moon, and I won’t let you take that back now. Do you understand me?” The ferocity in her own voice gave her pause, but Kabria had always known there was a fire that burned deep inside her. All it took was the right person to ignite it.

 

[Sieve]

“Lets just hope you are not too practiced at the art of making children” Perivar laughed at her comment ensuring her that he was not.  He wasn't completely honest though he didn't want her to think ill of him.  Things just progressed differently in the borderlands.  Sure he understood the art, or thought he had though in the grand scheme of things he was not overly practiced in it.  Perivar was so enamored with her beauty and the connection between them that he had never thought about making love to her.  It all seemed like a blend of fantasy and reality.  He dreamed of a future with her though it had not gone that way. 

 

It had been such a long time, over two years since he had been with a woman that he simply had not thought on that part of a relationship.  Especially when he had been resigned to a life without the prospect of love.  Now the thoughts of them making love together made his face blush.  Light if she could read his mind she would never speak to him again yet he knew he could do nothing to erase the thoughts from his mind.  She was everything he could hope for and he wanted all of her, he wanted every ounce of her to be his.  He hoped that he would be man enough to bring her pleasure and happiness.  Her words finally forced the thoughts from his head. 

 

“You will come back to me in the state you left Perivar Tarigan or I will make you pay” With the blunt dagger in her hand she drug it lightly down his arm. “No one is allow to harm even a hair on your head without my permission.”  By the glimmer in her eyes he thought she meant it, light help the fool who crossed her. 

 

Kabria looked lovingly into his eyes so that he thought his heart would melt in her hands though it was her words that pained him.  "Perivar you promised me. You swore that you would show me your home, and mine and even the idea of losing that chance makes me cry.” “I am scared. My tears dried up a long time ago, I thought there was nothing left in this world that could make me shed a tear..until I met you. Now, against my better judgment I have laid my heart on the line and I feel like it was placed in front of an arrow. ‘ she put her finger to his lips “Not by you, but by your other mistress. Just know this; if any harm befalls you I will feel it tenfold. And if you died, a part of me would die to.I don’t mean to put undo pressure on you, but in one day you have captured my heart and promised the moon, and I won’t let you take that back now. Do you understand me?”  

 

The ferocity in her words made him think she was ready to battle the Dark One.  He understood her well enough.  It was as if each word were a dagger piercing his heart, the thought of her being in pain, the thought of her crying tore him to pieces.  He did not want to think of unfulfilled promises or causing her discomfort.  Light why had they been brought together only to be kept from one another.  Dozens of emotions wracked his mind, it was as if they were under the control of a puppet master, pulling their strings this way and that taking pleasure from their pain. 

 

He repeated her words out loud "if any harm befalls you I will feel it tenfold" shaking his head as it struck him like a poleaxe "I know this can happen with the bond, does your weave somehow mirror those effects?  You can't say that, how can I go into harms way knowing that any hurt that befalls me will affect you so.  I am torn Kabria, I must do my duty so that I may be near you yet by doing so I may hurt you."  He stood staring at the White Tower feeling the anger filling every fiber in his body.  He shouted at the Tower as if it would do any good. "It is not fair, they cannot do this to us!  Duty is heavy as a mountain, I hae known this all along and until now I have never thought twice about my duty.  I have always done what was necessary, always and now I hate it."  He was mad at the world, at that very moment he hated everything but her.  If the Amyrlin Seat herself suddenly appeared in front of him he would tell her how he felt.  There was no justice.

 

Perivar knelt down taking her hand in his "Kabria you must listen to me.  If it is anything like the bond then you must remove the weave.  I cannot in good conscious ride from Tar Valon knowing that you may feel the hurt from my wounds.  I have no idea of the nature of our mission, you can't take the risk.  I won't....you can't..."   He couldn't do a damned thing, he knew it.  He could only hope that she saw the danger in her decision.  Light let her tell him it was nothing of the sort.  He prayed to the creator, please let it be so.   

 

 

 

 

 

[Eqwina]

She wanted to cry with joy at the pain she saw reflected in his eyes. No one could fake that kind of emotion. He did love her!. Flinging her arms around him she squeezed him as tight vowing to never let go.

 

“Even if the weave did work in that way nothing you could say would make me remove it now. But don’t worry about me my love, I will feel nothing of the pain you feel. Except...here.” she whispered in his ear.Leaning back so she could look into his eyes she brought her hand to her chest, covering her heart. “For every pain that I know you take, I will feel it keenly. And I would not change that either..it only further proves that you have captured my heart.”

 

Seeing the relief flash in his eyes made her heart soar. She fought the urge to tangle her fingers in his hair and make love to him right there. The implications if they were caught were more than enough to steady her hands. Still she couldn’t help but trace her fingernails down his arm; her eyes making promises for a day yet to come.

 

“You will go on this trip and you will be the best that you can. There will be other worries for you than my heart, just remember that I will be here waiting when you return.” She felt bad lying to him, but she could see that worry for her would make it more likely that he would get hurt. So she bit her tongue and kept the pain bottled up in her heart. There were better times for expressing those emotions. “How much longer do I have until we must be apart? A day? A week?” She hoped for a year, but even then it would only make the leaving harder. “I almost hate to say that I hope it is tomorrow, but the sooner you leave the sooner you will return to me. Which makes it all the sooner that we can be…..bonded.” Smiling up at him through her long eyelashes, she knew that he understood her slip. It was so hard to not be bold when her heart was pounding in her chest and his every touch was electric.

 

[Sieve]

It was cruel he thought.  Of all the things in his life that he had endured, this was by far the most cruel.  To find love in the blink of an eye only to have it pushed to the back burner out of your control was beyond painful.

 

"A week, I think.  Master Kynwric will be sending word soon for our final preparations.  I almost hope the day never comes."  Again her words came back to him.  He had been so out of sorts.  So lost in her smile that he had not truly heard the meaning of her words "Which makes it all the sooner that we can be…..bonded.” 

 

"Are you really that close to being raised?"  Hope filled him, could it really be, he had hoped but he had not known how close she was.  "We can be bonded?  You are sure this is what you want? It is not a decision to be taken lightly."  He almost couldn't form the words as he struggled to speak calmly.  It was all coming out wrong.  "I mean you will really take me as your Warder?"  He suddenly felt like a child again when he wanted to sound like a man.  With all the honesty and sincerity that he could muster he went on "It would be an honor to be your Warder Kabria.  There is no one else that I would rather have hold my bond."  Why could he not have Jasine's way with words.   

[Eqwina]

A week? That was not so long, and it meant 10 more days she had to get to know all that she could about her future warder; 10 more days to memorize his face.

 

“Master Kynwric? He is your teacher? Is there anyone else accompanying you on this trip?” She found herself wanting to be a part of every detail of his life. She wanted to know what he was feeling and thinking every second. Kabria was so excited to know everything about him that she could hardly wait to bond. With that she would learn to know his everything thought and dream. The only thing she was unsure about was if she was ready for him to know all of her. Would he still love her if he knew the fear that raged constantly in her belly?

 

"Are you really that close to being raised?...”We can be bonded?  You are sure this is what you want? It is not a decision to be taken lightly” She could see him fumble for the right words “I mean you will really take me as your Warder?"  She reached up and pressed her hand to his heart, for once trying to calm his nerves. "It would be an honor to be your Warder Kabria.  There is no one else that I would rather have hold my bond."

 

It was a relief to seem him struggle as much as she did. It helped to show her that he was human, and not and Knight out of a fairytale like she so often saw him. “ The Mistress of Novices says my time is drawing close and even if she’d not said a word I would know. It is almost like I can feel it approaching. I have been a child in the Tower for so long I sometimes find myself afraid of what being seen as an adult would mean.”

No why had the blurted that out? Her fears were always a closely guarded secret. “I know all about the Warder bond, as much as I can without having lived it. I have read every scrap there is and questioned every Aes Sedai that would listen. I know the implications to myself and well as to him and I can tell you with complete honesty that there is no one else in this world that I would rather take the chance with.”

 

Smiling she reached down and picked a small yellow flower from the ground and placed it in his hair. “I mean to take for my Warder as soon as I am able, and if you will have me.” Picking another flower she placed it in his other braid. “Do you remember when I mentioned kindred spirits? I really think that is what you and I are. Even if I did not love you nor you me I would want you by my side. You share the same passion for the Light and you dream the same dreams as I. The same strong blood courses in our veins.” Placing another flower she leaned back to examine her work. “I think you and I were meant to find each other. Meant to stand side by side against the Dark One. The fact that I am in love with you is merely a wonderful bonus.” 

 

[Sieve]

Perivar hung on Kabria's every word.  Once again though the Tower laughed at him as her words sunk in.  Kindred Spirits, sharing a passion to serve the Light, to battle the Shadow.  It was not that but the fact that his love was a bonus, again the reminder that their love would be second.  When they first spoke of it it had sounded right though now he was unsure.  He had to get his mind off it for now.

 

He thought on her first question.  "I believe we will be in his charge though I am not certain, things change around here all the time.  I cannot even say who is actually going or what we are doing."

 

"My dearest Kabria, I would love nothing more than to sit here like this enjoying each other's company for the rest of our lives though if we don't complete our training then we will never be together.  We cannot accomplish our goals if we remain as an Accepted and a Trainee."  Somehow that all sounded wrong to him though he pushed the thoughts aside.  Truly he wanted to sit there and learn everything about her though there would be time for that eventually.

 

"Do you have time to visit the Armory so we can discuss caring for your dagger?"  It was as if the words were not his own.  He knew they came from his mouth though it was not what he wanted to say to her.  Duty before love he thought, light how that thought hurt him so.

[Eqwina]

It was her words that had made the promise that their duty would never fall short because of their love. But looking into his eyes she wanted to throw away her convictions, and all the work she’d put in to come this far. It was terrifying and exciting all in one breath; never before had she been swept away by such powerful emotions.

 

“How can you ignore the torrent swirling inside you? Truly you are a man with a great sense of duty and obligation to be able to push that aside.” Smiling to take any sting from her words she got to her feet, pulling him with her. Somehow even the small flowers decorating his hair did not take away from his deadly masculine grace. “Tell me, does your sense of duty allow for a kiss before my lesson begins?” Her small jests were the only thing that kept her from falling into his arms and not leaving until the sun rose the next morning. “I have decided that my sense on honor will not allow me to leave this spot until I have been kissed.” Closing her eyes she pursed her lips in a preemptory fashion and waited.

 

She knew that he was right, and that to ever have any real hope of being together they first had to get out from under the shackles of youth. But she wanted just a few more moments to relish in the fantasy that it was only the two of them that mattered.

 

Not opening her eyes she leaned up with a smile playing on her lips. “ I am serious Perivar. I will not listen to one word you say until I’ve had my kiss.”

 

[Sieve]

“How can you ignore the torrent swirling inside you? Truly you are a man with a great sense of duty and obligation to be able to push that aside.”  Regardless of her smile the words stung, his life had been focused on duty and not it stung worse than any wound he could imagine.  No matter that it was the truth that they had to return to their training it did not lessen the sting.  He wanted nothing more than to be with her yet it would do no good to say so now.  The truth was that he was his willpower was only holding by a thread.  The torrent was threatening to tear him apart.  No matter his choice of words she would think it forced. 

 

“Tell me, does your sense of duty allow for a kiss before my lesson begins?”  Light why did she toy with him so.

 

“I have decided that my sense of honor will not allow me to leave this spot until I have been kissed.”   He wanted to more than kiss her, how could she taunt him so.  It tugged on his heart like a heavy weight.

 

Closing her eyes she pursed her lips in a preemptory fashion and waited.  Not opening her eyes she leaned up with a smile playing on her lips.  “ I am serious Perivar. I will not listen to one word you say until I’ve had my kiss.”  

 

The flood gates open giving in to the torrents of passion that coursed through his veins.  Wrapping her up in his arms his lips met hers giving her an intense and passionate kiss as if the world was ending.  Once again the impure thoughts ran through his mind, the thoughts of more than kiss.  He struggled to push those aside losing himself in the embrace.  Duty be damned...

 

[Eqwina]

Chimes sounded like soft whispers playing a melody of their love, and behind her eyes colors exploded like an illuminators display casting out the darkness and opening her heart to the sun. “I love you” she murmured against his lips, making the final confirmation of her heart.

 

As her feet settled back on the ground she said the words again; this time with fierce conviction. “I Kabria Delondre love you Perivar Tarigan, and will until my dying day and beyond” They were no more than words, but to her they represented the commitment of a lifetime. Taught to make decisions with only her mind, Kabria had never been so reckless or felt so alive. Silently she vowed to herself to make sure Perivar knew of her love everyday. She would give him the gift that she had never been given… unconditional love. There could be no fight or quarrel that would make him any less in her heart.

 

“You have obliged my wishes and so now I will oblige yours.” She wanted to lace her fingers through his as they walked through the yards; announcing to the world that they were in love, but instead she took a step back. Allowing him to lead.

 

Kabria had always marched through the yards as quickly as she could, and with a destination in mind. Today she took the opportunity to see a part of Tower life she had never observed.

 

All around them were tools of death, or those that mimicked them. It was sad to look into the faces of the trainees and know that one day they would face death for what they believed in. Staring hard at Perivar’s back Kabria wondered if she would be so willing to put him in harms way, knowing the cost to herself..the cost to her heart.

 

At the back of the yards, tucked behind the bunk houses and training yards was the Armory. A place as foreign to her and the whole of the White Tower had once been. For a moment she hesitated at door, it represented more than just door. It was like walking in to see what her future would be. A look or worry passed through Perivar’s eyes as he held to door for her and Kabria plastered her face with a smile. No need to let him see your fear now she thought as she walked stiffly through the door.

 

‘Where do you begin?” she asked, trying to sound eager.

 

[Sieve]

“I love you” Her magical words shook his foundation to the core.  He had felt it but those three words confirmed it all.  He want them to resonate through his head forever.  He spoke to her though he knew his voice held the shook that he still felt at her words.  "I love you too Kabria" his words seemed less for she had spoken first.

 

Her next words were spoken as if they were a command, a stern task mistress who would brook no argument yet the words flowing from the pretty little mouth. “I Kabria Delondre love you Perivar Tarigan, and will until my dying day and beyond”  Her fierce conviction said that it would be so an he pitied the person who thought to tell her otherwise.  Her words were stronger than any oath.  He repeated her words exactly as it sounded so official, kind of like a...no he could not dare to hope for that.  He quickly pushed the thought aside repeating the vow. 

 

“I Perivar Tarigan love you Kabria Delondre, and will until my dying day and beyond”

 

“You have obliged my wishes and so now I will oblige yours.” He arched an eyebrow wondering if she was toying with him.  She had left him no choice but to lead on.  He wanted to hold her to kiss her yet he led her to the armory like a boy who had his favorite toy taken from him.

 

Perivar paid no mind to the bustle in the yard, his only thoughts were of her.  He walked like a lovestruck boy who just received his first kiss.  He had not even realized that she had been walking a pace behind until he reached the door to the armory. 

 

As he held the door Perivar frowned at her white dress, no that would not do to get her dirty.  When he looked up at her face it held a smile, it didn't seem posible but she was even more beautiful when she smiled.  Why did she do this to him.  He was struggling to fulfill his duty yet she made it so hard to concentrate.  "Where do you begin?” She spoke and he led her into the Armory.  Weapons in evey shape, size, and configuration sat in racks or hung on the walls.

 

Perivar went to a coat rack.  After searching to find the right one he produced a laborer's smock which was obviously made for a woman.  He checked to make sure it was clean before handing it to her.  Kabria took it from him though eyed him the question plain on her face.

 

"To keep your dress clean of course."  He said with a smile that said he was toying with her.  She would have easily understood that part though he was in love and he enjoyed being with her.  Perhaps he was even a little giddy.  Play time was over and now he became serious.

 

"You may hate me for it but I will not treat you any different than any other trainee.  I would be doing you a disservice to treat you otherwise.  One day your life may depend on the training you will receive here so I will train you as hard as any other.  Harder because I could not stand to see anything happen to you, my love."  His tone changed from serious to admiration when he spoke the last two words. 

 

"To properly learn to use a weapon you must first understand them and learn to care for them.  Now walk around and pick out three weapons that interest you.  You can place them here on this table.  When you have picked three we will begin.  If you have any questions then do not hesitate to ask."  He watched as she began, light she was beautiful.

[Eqwina]

The only weapon she had ever touched in her life besides Saidar was the dagger she’d purchased only yesterday. She had no idea how to handle them properly or even what she was looking at, besides the obvious swords. Slowly she paced the room, glancing back every few seconds seeing if any hint would come from Perivar. When none did she reached out to the first weapon that caught her eye. The small knife was no longer than her palm and had several circles carved into the handle; in the rack with it were 4 others of its match. Gathering them all Kabria held them in her hand, unsure of what next to do.

Why on earth would anyone need 5 knives, all so small? Surely 1 large dagger would be better.

 

Not wanting to seem uneducated she took them and laid them on the bench, turning back to examine the racks. Next she chose a sword, short but with a double edged blade. The last weapon presented a problem, because she was wholly unsure what the first had been for. Not wanting to risk choosing two elements of the same destruction she walked over and pulled a quarter staff from its rack. Using it as a walking stick she retreated to the bench to examine her selections. It was so hard to believe, that from large to small, each was fashioned for the sole purpose of killing.

 

As she stared down her hands seemed attracted to the small knives and she gathered one in her hands. Turning it over and running her nails along the slim blade. Scared and yet fascinated by the possibilities she became lost in her study of the weapon, not at first noticing the blood that ran down her hand.

 

When what she saw registered Kabria dropped the knife and clutched her hand at the base of her wrist. Through the blood she could not see the depth of the cut, but it did not feel too deep. Letting the blood drip to the floor Kabria dug in her belt pouch for a handkerchief, but she was no quicker than Perivar.

 

[Sieve]

Perivar watched Kabria as she slowly paced through the armory as graceful as a Queen as she eyed the weapons.  He studied her every movement reveling in the fact that she was simply near him.  Occasionally she would glance back at him and his heart would skip a beat.  Light but she was gorgeous, he feared that he would wake from the dream and be brought back to reality.

 

Her first selection was a set of throwing knives. At first he thought it was a unique choice though they could come in handy when Saidar was not an option.  He blushed when he thought of the possible places where she would hide them.  He hurried to compose himself before she looked at him again.  She walked over placing them on the bench and he gave her a smile.

 

Her next selection was a short double edged sword.  He always prefered the double edge swords over the single edged type.  It seemed to suit her and he could picture her carrying a sword like that.  From what he knew she would certainly fit in with the Greens he thought.

 

The last one that she selected was a quarterstaff which she used as a walking stick as she returned to the table.  He stood behind her as she looked over what she had gathered on the table.  She fingered a dagger though he was busy with thoughts of brushing her red tipped hair aside so he could kiss her neck. 

 

His eyes went to the floor beside her feet as he heard the dagger hit the floor.  He saw the drops of blood as he bit back a gasp as he called her name.  He quickly grabbed her hand checking for the source of the blood.  The cut found at the base of her hand where it met her wrist was not deep but she would need stiches or healing hre thought.  "What happened?" He asked as he wiped the blood away so he could get a better look.  Perivar guided her down gently so that she could sit on the bench.

 

"You could have done worse.  When in my instructions did I say that you were supposed to cut yourself."  He joked with her as he tore strips of cloth for a bandage trying to distract her.  Some people did not like the sight of blood.  She seemed so matter of fact about it but he didn't want to take a chance with her.  "I swore an oath to protect you but it is supposed to be protection from others not from yourself." 

 

Perivar covered the wound with a folded up piece of clean cloth then tied the strips of cloth around her wrist to hold it in tight.  "Do you want to me to get an Aes Sedai for healing or do you want to wait 'til it stops bleeding and see how it looks then."  As she thought on the question he kissed her forehead.  "Really you must be more careful my dear."

 

In all the commotion he had not noticed the grinning Accepted who stood in the doorway.  Even though the girl was grinning she had a slight tinge of red staining her cheeks.  She drew herself up "By the description I was given I take it you are Perivar."  He simply nodded as she handed him a sealed letter.  He stared at it like an adder then placed it on the bench.  She glanced at the blood on the floor then at Kabria's wrist before taking her leave.

 

He turned his attention back to Kabria "How does it feel?" as he checked to see if the blood was soaking through the bandage though she was looking at the letter as if staring at it would reveal the contents.  The bandage was clean so the bleeding was stopping but Kabria refused to let him fuss after her any longer as she insisted that he opened the letter.  Grudgingly he opened it knowing what the contents would hold.  Light not now he thought.

 

Perivar used one of the throwing knives to open it then kept in his hand as he read.  "Not now" He half shouted as he read it again.  This was the worst possible timing.  He was so angry that he laid it on the table and stabbed it with the throwing knife.  From where she sat he knew that Kabria could read it.  Not now he thought as his heart ached.

 

 

[Eqwina]

As his hand tightened around her wrist Kabria gave up her search, watching with interest as he examined her wound. She barely flinched as he gently wiped away the blood. In truth it burned like the sun, but she had been taught to face things without tears. “I don’t know how I did it, I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realize at first.” Not looking down at the gash she studied the lines in Perivar’s face and the flowers still decorating his hair. “ You know my love, you also did not tell me not to cut myself. Perhaps in the future you will be more specific?”

 

"Do you want to me to get an Aes Sedai for healing or do you want to wait 'til it stops bleeding and see how it looks then."  He kissed her and for a moment all the pain subsided.  "Really you must be more careful my dear."

 

“I will be alright; if it requires stitches I will see it done. I think for now your kiss is enough to melt away my pain.” Looking deep into his eyes she waited expectantly for the words of love that would come, and more so for the embrace that would follow. When neither came a bubble of anger burst and she got ready with a snide remark.

 

"By the description I was given I take it you are Perivar." Kabria’s eyes narrowed and her hand ached to reach for one of the knives. Light blast her! How long had she been standing there? Few women in the Tower could push her button’s like that apple-cheeked Accepted could. So caught with the idea of dragging the girl back to the Tower by her braids and teaching her proper respect, Kabria did not notice the letter until Perivar spoke.  "How does it feel?"

 

Testing the flex of her wrist made Kabria wince, but she couldn’t fully focus on the pain. “Really, I have done worse than this and I am sure I will again.” While he continued to fuss over her wrist her eyes kept drifting to the white parchment, just out of reach on the bench. Flashes of jealousy returned, with hurt and anger mixed in between. The seal was only a small ball of wax, but it seemed a door stout enough for a prisoners cell. “Surely if the message were sent here, it must be important. I can’t see any other reason why an Accepted would be sent to find you?”Her eyes and her tone made it more a question than fact.

 

Kabria did not want to appear too eager, but she could not help but stare as her knife ripped off the seal. Standing up on tip toe she tried to read the words, but from her vantage she could not see more than that there were words on the page.

 

"Not now" Kabria took a step back from Perivar and sat down on the bench with a thud, blinking in surprise at his rage. She had never seen him angry and his ferocity came as a shock. Idly she found herself wondering if he was so passionate in every part of life. Her cheeks had not even had time to flush when again she leapt back from him. One of her knives was driven into the wood, pinning the paper to the table with a thunk

 

Slowly she shifted closer and her eyes quickly scanned the page. It didn’t take more than the first line for her to see what had caused his pain. Glancing up at him, he looked so much like a lion ready to pounce that Kabria winced. Warily she stood, and glided quietly to his side laying her good hand on his arm. She was not sure what she’d expected, but certainly not the pained look in his eye, or the tears.

 

With her fingertips she gently wiped the moisture from his cheeks before laying her hands over his heart. “While my love brings you joy, it also bring you great pain. If I was a strong woman I could wish that you had never fallen in love with me, to keep you from the pain you now feel.” Careful of her wrist Kabria reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “But I am not a stronger woman, and I could as soon wish away your love as wish for the sun not to rise.” She realized that tears were flowing from her own eyes, but she could not make them stop. She knew she had to be strong for Perivar, to show him that she would be alright she could not summon the right words. “It will only be for a short time” Her nails traced the tears down his cheeks “And when you return I will give you such a night that you will forget all of those that we spent alone.” Pressing her lips against his she cried, and silently prayed that she would not loose the family she had so recently found.

 

[Sieve]

Maybe it was that he never expected to find love and now a wedge was being driven between them or the fact that she had been hurt.  Perhaps it was that all the emotions he had held in over the years had finally taken their toll.  Perivar shook with anger, it was as if an earthquake was threatening to rip his heart from his chest.  He thought if he could look into his body that his heart would be bleeding from the pain.  He had done his duty without fail his entire life yet now he hated it.  He was in love and it was stronger than his sense of duty had ever been and now that duty was threatening to take away his love.  The thought hurt deeper than any wound he had ever felt.

 

Perivar had not realized that tears were streaming down his face until Kabria's fingers wiped them away.  There were no sobs or sniffles, just tears streaming from his eyes as if they were bleeding from the pain.  Light he had not shed tears since he was child.  Not now he thought, not in front of her, ooh light.  He wanted to run, to hide in shame yet he couldn't move.  He was the ship and she the anchor holding him firmly in place with her hands over his heart.   

 

“While my love brings you joy, it also bring you great pain. If I was a strong woman I could wish that you had never fallen in love with me, to keep you from the pain you now feel.”   It is not your love that pains me, no never that he thought.  It was his duty that pained him, knowing that at the moment he had to chose duty over his love for her.  It was true but the only wasy for him to truly be with her was for him to do his duty and uphold his promise to return to her.

 

As she spoke tears began to roll down her face.  “It will only be for a short time” Her nails traced the tears down his cheeks.  Ooh the shame of crying in front of her stung though her touch was magical. “And when you return I will give you such a night that you will forget all of those that we spent alone.” Maybe it was to cover her tears or perhaps she meant it.  Had he not been so drained his cheeks would have turned bright red.  Perivar tucked the thought away.  If he returned he was going to make sure to remind her of her promise of a night that he would never forget.  He almost felt bad for a moment though there was no denying that he wanted every ounce of her, he would take all that she had to offer and in turn he would show her pleasure like she had never felt before.  She was beautiful and he was in love, their could be no shame in that.

 

She cried as she pressed her lips to his.  The embrace was bittersweet knowing that he would not receive another for how ever long the Tower decided to keep them apart.  He did not know what to do or what to say though when their lips eventually parted he said the only thing that came to his mind, "I love you!"

[Elgee]

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