"Light, Mehrin -" Eb ran her hands roughly through her hair, gripping the roots near the nape of her neck and giving a sharp tug upwards before dropping her arms to her sides.
"I just -" So many thoughts competed for focus in her mind she felt like her head was about to burst open. Her heart, too, still felt like it was attempting to ram itself out of her chest.
She shut her mouth, opened it again.
He was right. Fear, unbridled fear, did this. Undermined confidence. Preceded loss. Robbed one of the power to think, sometimes as effectively and as insidiously as the assassin's poisoned needles.
"This is hardly a usual battle though," she grumbled, and louder, "And I'm no bloody good at-" she waved her hands around, trying to encompass the table of assassin-ware, what she'd just heard, the window where she couldn't have countered a threat, the space between each of those and Mehrin, Mehrin's mood, his actions of vulnerability and her utter inability to address them, the intrusive visions of him sinking lifeless to the floor, now with an element of dreadlord.
She scowled when the words wouldn't come, and waved some more, trying to indicate the tangled press of feelings in the air, within herself, that his news had stirred. "At this."
She scowled harder.
Fear was something she remembered the feeling of, something she worked hard to stay ahead of, stay harder than. It was something that trained her as a child in the Rahad, something she had learnt to turn into instant focus or fury. It was not something she usually felt. Feeling it - feeling anything - was exasperating. Terrifying in itself. She barked a laugh.
She looked to Mehrin and walked across to kick, unnecessarily, she realised too late, at the wedge underneath the door and make sure it was secure.
She could feel what she assumed was Mehrin's gaze on her in part, but for that moment she didn't turn around. Forehead resting against the back of the door, she consciously turned down the emotions and began to try and order her thoughts on his story, the consequences and any possible solutions ahead.
"Is it really, though? The beginning?" she asked quietly, "And if so, what really is this the beginning of?"