The Sea of Corn

[Vorkia]

Ok this thread will be dedicated to Corny jokes and stories.

[Vorkia]

I'll start!

 

A guy walks into a bar..............OUCH!

[Leane_Shariff]

Two guys walk into a bar.

The third one ducks :P

[Steel Axe]

One day this duck walks in to a bank. It walks up to the guy at the counter and asks, "Do you have any corn here?" The guy at the counter answers "No, we don't have any corn here." So the duck turns around and walks back out again.

 

The next day, the duck walks back in to the bank, walks up to the guy at the counter, and asks, "Do you have any corn here?" The guy at the counter answers, "No, we don't have any corn here." So once again, the duck turns around and walks back out again.

 

 

Anyway, the duck keeps on repeating this for several days. However, one particular day, about six days later, the duck walks in to the bank, up to the guy at the counter (it is always the same guy, by the way) and asks, "Do you have any corn here?" The guy at the counter answers "No, we don't have any corn here, and if you come in here and asks me that one more time, I'm going to nail your beak to the counter."

 

 

The next day, the duck walks back in to the bank, up to the guy at the counter, and asks, "Do you have any nails here?" The guy answers "No, we don't."

 

 

"Well in that case", said the duck, "Do you have any corn?"

[Cumadrin]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

 

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

 

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

 

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

 

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

 

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

 

"HEBREWS"

[Leane_Shariff]

Okay here's some corny jokes about corn :P

 

An expert corn farmer is outstanding in his field!

(Get it, out standing in his field!?!)

 

The baby corn asks his mama corn: "Where do baby corns come from?" Mama says: "I told you before, the stalk brought ya!"

(stalk... like stork! Funny, huh?)

 

With what vegetable do you throw away the outside, cook the inside, then eat the outside and throw away inside?

Corn!!! (Hahahahahaha!)

 

Why can't you tell secrets in a cornfield?

Because there are too many ears!

 

What did the corn family say to the audience at the circus?

We will A-Maize you!

 

What did the salt say to the popcorn?

Season's greetings!!! (Teehee!)

 

What did the young popcorn kernel brag to the other young kernels?

Betcha my Pop's bigger than yours!

 

Two corn cobs were walking down the street. One cob noticed that they were being followed everywhere they went. He turned to the other cob and said, "Don't look now, but I think we have a stalker!"

 

How is an ear of corn like an army?

It has lots of kernels. (Colonels, get it?)

 

Why did the popcorn King and Queen go to the dance?

It was their corn-ation. (Hahaha, like coronation!)

[Steel Axe]

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

 

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

 

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

 

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

 

"It's a big rooster," she said.

 

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

[Leane_Shariff]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

 

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

 

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

 

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

 

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

[Vorkia]

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

 

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

[Cumadrin]

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

 

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

 

And one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"

 

And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

[Corki]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye-deer!

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye-deer!

 

hehe

[Guest Cadsuane]

This joke only my best friend thinks is funny, and then only because my face turns red from trying not to laugh while telling it...

 

 

Why did the plane crash?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

 

(don't ask... :lol: )

[Spacey]

A horse walks into a bar.

 

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

[Corki]

Not a joke, but a little ditty...

 

Hickey, dickery, dock,

Two mice ran up the clock,

The clock struck one,

The other got away with minor injuries!

 

hehe

[Guest Seryanne]

A man walks into a doctor and says...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

[Canis Rufus]

Blast from the past!!!!!!!!!

(SUPER BUMPPPPPPPP!!!!!!)  :o

 

Two cannibals walk into a bar!

 

the third one eats them!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha  ;)

[Canis Rufus]

Two Cannibals are eating a clown, the first turns to the second and ask...

 

 

"Does this taste funny to you?"

[Jeannaisais]

*can't tell jokes but enjoys reading them...*

 

Are you obsessed with cannibals, Canis? Or are you a cannibal?

[Canis Rufus]

(Its the current group of corny jokes I have, I'll swich gears next time)

[Jeannaisais]

aaahhhh okay, well I'll try to help ya switch gears here....

 

Why did the tomato cross the road?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wanted to be a squash! duh!

[Canis Rufus]

NICE!!!!!  (is very Proud of  Secretary that has a poking problem)

 

Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

........ :P

[Jeannaisais]

No, did she eat him?

[Canis Rufus]

........ that was the joke "dumped"  (whistles)

[Jeannaisais]

ooohhh, see? I'm not too good with jokes sometimes...

[Canis Rufus]

;)