August Discussion - Toxic People

[LilyElizabeth]

Toxic people

 

 

We have all run across people who are toxic to us. My hope is that we can all learn some coping skills from each other, or at the very least, learn to be aware when someone is toxic to us. Please feel free to ask questions, and please be sensitive to others’ more personal statements. We’re here to learn and help each other, even if this is Shayol Ghul.

 

1. What is a toxic person to you? (The definitions will probably vary, and that’s okay.)
2. Have you had toxic people in your life? Do you still?

[Panchi]

I have these friends who I would rather kick than talk to. It takes all my patience to not let my dislike show. Do they count as toxic?

[LilyElizabeth]

I don't know. To me, toxicity is more about what they do than how it makes you feel.

[lolguy26]

eh toxic as in people who are like a bad influence and stuff?

 

and if yes, then loads, almost all my friends are "toxic", and double if my parents ever find out, its not just the reckless school rules breaking, or the law breaking, its more of a personality issue, their idea of fun is (and i shit you not), go out and get into fights, get caught by the cops and then get out cuz you know people and all that for teh lulz 

[LilyElizabeth]

Yeah, that doesn't sound very healthy. 

 

By my definition, toxic people are those who aren't good for you, usually those who hurt you over and over with little or no provocation. Or those who drain your energy just by being around. Things like that.

 

Let me see if I can google a better definition.

[LilyElizabeth]

I like this one: Toxic People can be defined as “anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused.”

 

Found it here. I think in order to be classified as toxic, the person has to do these things consistently.

[Elaevia]

To me, toxic people are those who take from you, and never give back. Whether that's your time, favours, emotional support, or whatever. They are quite happy for you to put yourself out for them, but will not do the same for you, and do actively avoid helping.

 

These people are so toxic because this happens over an extended period of time, and makes you doubt your own worth

[LilyElizabeth]

So, what about the second question? Do y'all have toxic people still in your lives?

[John E. Kelley]

I like this one: Toxic People can be defined as “anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused.”

 

Found it here. I think in order to be classified as toxic, the person has to do these things consistently.

Ex-wife.

[LilyElizabeth]

Yeah, my ex-husband is like that, too. When he found he could no longer hurt me directly, he started hurting our daughter, who is my heart. He found his way to get to me. Damn him. 

[Elaevia]

the most toxic person that I had is long gone - exhousemate and 'best friend'- she left when I stopped being a doormat for her! So I suppose I got rid, but didn't realise quite how toxic she was untill afterwards, when I felt much better when she wasn't around.

 

for people who have an ex-toxic person - did you get rid of them, or did they move on?

 

though reading some of what's written here, I do wonder if there is someone else: they did something that really hurt and I don't think I've forgiven them, but I still manage to feel guilty for being hurt. wow relationships are complicated some times!

[LilyElizabeth]

I'm happy to say that I've gotten rid of the toxic people in my life. I just don't have the patience for people like that anymore, even if I'm related to them. 

[Elaevia]

I find it's hard when I think of relatives though - I feel like I have some kind of 'duty' if that makes sense, but then I remember this quote:

 

“The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have” - Ring Larnder,

 

and that kinda gives me some prospective

[LilyElizabeth]

I have a brother who has treated me like he hated me since the day I was born. Several years ago, I stopped having anything to do with him. I don't miss having him in my life even slightly. It's a bit difficult for my mom, though, who, of course, loves us both. Thankfully, my parents were really great. I feel for people who grow up with toxic parents. 

[Guest]

lot of peple on th outside tel me diferent membres of my family aer toxic sinnce some of thme dont treat me vry well and have contibuted to very low sellf image of myslf but I generaly feel liek I earned it besids nothingg I can do buot it - we cann get in fighhts, though I usualy wont if I felt liek I desrved it, but theyre my family, my blood, and my honour nd everything I am is tied to them, so basicaly I cant do anythng drastic abuot it, liek severing conections with them compltely - that could probaly be construed as betrayall and betrayal of yuor blood is worse than deathh in my culture. I keep my distnce thuogh from those who dont treat me wel, thuogh - I may think I waranted being treted that way but doesnt mean I want it to happen all th tiem so keep armslengthh whenever I can.

 

Othre than them, in th past I tend to have lot of toxic frinds, guess becuse Im very naive - if someone treat me nice at all I automaticaly feel drawnn to them and I wannt to get to know them, but tahts let alot of sociopaths explooit me becuse Im so poor a judge of peoplle. My soluton in th past severall years is not to make friennds outside my family at alll but Im not to good withh folowing the rule since stil feel very curiouus and atracted to peple who tret me nice.

[LilyElizabeth]

I know you've made some true friends here on DM, at least, Tal. 

[LilyElizabeth]

What do you do when you find out a person is toxic to you?

What if you have to work with them for whatever reason? How do you handle it?

What if they are members of your family? How do you handle that?

[LilyElizabeth]

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