Jokes

[Mystica]

A mother puts her 6 year old son in bath and the boy looks at himself and pointing to his little testicles he asks:

 

'mum, is that my brain?'

 

Mother looks and replies:

 

'not yet'

[son of battles]

:shock:

[Canis Rufus]

Score I love the bad joke thread........ My turn,

 

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" :lol:

[Mystica]

lmao! good one (eh, bad one?).... *drinks brew*

 

 

 

Why did the tomato cross the street?

 

 

 

to get to the other side, duh....

[nighteyes]

this is the only one I know that can go in here

 

what do you call five barbie dolls in a line?

 

 

 

a barbecue

[Corki]

Hickery, d.ickery dock,

Two mice ran up the clock,

The clock struck one,

The other got away with minor injuries!

[dragonlover]

lol is the bad joke thread?

 

how about this one?

 

two blondes walk into a bar...................

 

u think one of them would have seen it :lol:

[Corki]

What do you call a deer with no eyes??

No idea!

 

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs??

Still no idea!

[sheliara]

no clue Nighteyes...

 

A blonde goes to a mechanic to get some dents fixed on her car.

 

The mechanic has had a bad day, and too many customers waiting, so he decides to mess with the blonde a little.

 

He tells her she doesn't need to come to him to fix those dents. All she has to do is go home, park in her driveway, and then blow on the tailpipe of the car, and all of the dents will pop right out!

 

She liked this idea, and went home. As soon as she parked, she got out of the car and started blowing as hard as she could on the tail pipe.

 

Nothing happened.

 

Soon her boyfriend comes out to see what she was doing.

 

After she explained he thought about it for a moment, then said "well Duh, you have to roll up the windows first!!!"

 

and yes...the boyfriend was blonde.

[purplemonster]

nice

 

ok a duck goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk ya got any gwapes

 

the store clerk says no we're a hardware store

 

so the next day the duck goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk ya got any gwapes

 

it was the same clerk and the clerk says no we're a hardware store

 

and still the next day the duck goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk ya got any gwapes

 

and again it was the same clerk and the clerk says no we're a hardware store and if you come here again and ask for grapes i'll staple ur feet to the floor

 

so the next day the duck goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk ya got any staples

 

same clerk and he says no

 

so the duck asks do got any gwapes

[purplemonster]

i waved to a stranger the othe day

thats a dangerous thing to do cause wat if they dont got a hand

they'll think o that guys coky

o look at me this thing is useful i think i will go pick somthing up now

[Beowolf]

Q) What's the difference between a guy falling from the 1st and 10th stories of a building?

 

A) The one from the 1st floor goes: "*thud* Ahhhh!!!", and the one from the 10th floor goes: "Ahhhhh!!!! *thud*"

[SBoydW]

Guy walks into a bar an sits down and gets a drink.

 

After each sip he would eat a couple peanuts from the dish on the counter. Before each one he put into his mouth it would say something nice about him. After the third or fourth one he asks the bartender:

 

"Hey what's up with the peanuts?"

 

The bar tender replies:

 

"They're complimentry."

 

OR

 

Blonde gets tired of all the jokes that people tell on blondes so she dies her hair brown. She's driving down the road one day and sees a shepard out in the feilds with his sheep. She decides that she wants one of them. So she pulls over and goes up to the shepard.

 

"If I can guesss how many sheep you have out here can I have one?" she asks

 

"Pfft! Sure why not!" the shepard replies.

 

"47," the blonde says

 

"Wow! That's right! Well go ahead and take one," the shepard replies.

 

So the blonde picks an animal up and starts to walk off.

 

"HEY!" the shepard says, "If I can guess your true hair color can, I have my dog back?"

 

Or,

 

A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into an antique shop. They all stop to admire a mirror. The shop owner comes over to them and asks, "Ya'll interested in the mirror there?"

 

"Yeah kinda," they reply, "It's kind of expensive though."

 

"Well that's becuase it's a magic mirror. It can grant you anything that you really need. But it knows if you're lying. If you lie to it it will turn you into a pile of dust. Go ahead and try it."

 

The brunette, goes to the mirror and says, "Well, college is really stretching me thin money wise... I could use some extra money." Poof she has a bag of money in her hands. "Wow!! It really does work!"

 

The red head steps up to the mirror and says "My car is starting to get really old and busted... I could use a new car." Poof! A set of car keys appear in her hand and a new car is in the place of her old one outside! "Wow you're right! It does!"

 

So then the blonde steps up to it and say "I think.." and POOOF she's turned into a pile of dust.

 

OOORRRR

 

Man walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a drink from the bartender and looks into it.

 

After a minute or two a big burly trucker comes up and takes his drink and drinks it. Then the man starts to cry.

 

"Awww c'mon I'll buy ya another one... I can't stand to see a grown man cry" says the trucker.

 

"No it's not that," says the man "It's just today has been terrible. This morning at work I blew a project and got fired. On the cab ride home I left my wallet and brief case in the cab! When I go in my wife is cheating on me with the garnder!"

 

"Wow that is a bad day," says the trucker.

 

"But the worst part, is I came here to kill myself and, YOU drank my poison!"

[Amalasan]

20 fun things to do at a fast food drive thru.

:lol:

 

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.

3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.

4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.

6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.

7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.

8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.

10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"

12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"

13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.

15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.

19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

[SBoydW]

There was this little kid that liked to hide in his parents bed room and see what happened somethimes. One time when he was in the closet he saw his mom having an affair.

 

One time when he was watching his mom have an affai his dad came home early and the man came into the closet to hide. While in the closet the kid said "Sure is dark in here."

 

"What!?!!" the startled man said? "Hey what's this?"

 

"That's my baseball glove" the little kid replied.

 

"I'll give you $500 for it if you don't tell anyone what you've seen," the man says.

 

"Sure," the kids says.

 

The next week the same thing happens. Th man hides in the closet and the kids says "Sure is dark in here."

 

"What!?!?! Hey what's this?" the man says.

 

"That's my baseball bat," the kid replies.

 

"I'll give you another $500 if you promise not to tell anyone."

 

"Sure," says the kid.

 

The next day the kids dad comes home and asks him if he wants to play basbeball.

 

"I can't," says the kid

 

"Why not?" asks the dad.

 

"I sold my glove and bat for a $1000," says the kid.

 

"You what? How could you rip some one off like that! You go down to church and confess!" the dad says.

 

So the kid goes down to the church and goes into the confessional and says "Man it sure is dark in here."

 

From the other side the Priest says "Don't start that again kid.

[purplemonster]

this blond is driving and sees another blond in a boat incorn field the blond in the car pulls over and says to the other

 

"its blonds like you that give all the rest of us a bad name and if i could swim id kick ur A**

 

 

by theway these jokes are hilarious