''aww! d*mn!''-stories about yourself and others! fun! post!

[Corki]

You can hear how my day as captain of my University cricket team was a mess later, if you want...

[MsDanya]

i danced at the party last night :shock:

[Zachary]

I have a good one. I rode in a cart with my cousin Tina, and we crashed into a tree. I had black splotches all along my inner thigh for a week.

[Helike]

Were you in it or just hanging on the side? Did someone push you and let you go? Were you going down a hill? On the street,sidewalk, parking lot? What?!! You can't leave it like that! That's just WRONG!!

[Corki]

A funny tale my dad told me a while back from his golfing friend.

 

Some distant relative of my dad's friend took their family to a Wildlife Park for the day. Within the family was a small boy, who was autistic. During the day, he went missing. As a result, the family went to the missing person's area, and messages were put out across the park, and searches were sent out as well. A short while later, the boy appears at the missing person's area, soaking wet. Unfortunately, the boy wasn't able to say why he was soaking wet. Anyway, the family went home to dry their son off.

 

When they got home, they opened up the little boy's bag...and lo and behold, what did they find in there?? They came across this little penguin. Yeap, the boy had somehow got into the penguin cage and managed TO PICK UP a penguin, and put it in his bag. You can just image the family's shock when they found a penguin in there! The family rang the Wildlife Park and asked if they were missing a penguin. The Park said they would get back to the family with an answer. The penguin keeper counted his birds, and indeed found he was missing a penguin. The penguin was later returned.

[Lanette]

ok, a famous "Solar Therm" story. That's the company I'm working for.

 

We have an old gentleman in Sales called Mr. Nimal Fernando. When I say old I mean I mean in his sixties. He's the guy who handles sales in the areas outside Colombo. The thing is he wears dentures, and put them in a glass of water beside the bed when he sleeps. So one time he had gone on some installation trip with some technicians, and had been sharing a room with a senior technicians called Milroy (two beds in a room). Now, both of them are known to be heavy drinkers at the end of the day. Both have gone to sleep after a a bottle or two, and Milroy had got up in the middle of the night thirsty. He had got the water glass from the bedside table and drunk it. And while drinking he'd felt something hitting against his teeth. Too drunk to care, he had thrown it out and drunk the rest of the water down!

 

I bet you can imagine Mr. Fernando's reaction when he woke up next morning to find his dentures on the floor!! We were told by the other technicians that all hell broke loose!!

[Dragonlady]

One drunken night my friends and I decided to go for a drive in a friend's van...he was too drunk at the time to come with us so we left him passed out on the floor...anyways we ended up at a strip club. (dunno why) It must have been 'artistic night'. One fairly sad speciman of humanity came out and did her thang...while her (male) partner was warming up at the back of the room. He looked pretty serious with his stretching and face pulling. He ran from the back of the room up to the stage...on the way he had to pass over a kind of fencing arrangment (that kept the VIP punters in I think) Anyway he did his best and biggest split-jump-double twist type arrangment and smacked his head on the roof, falling down in an unconcious heap. LOL! All these hard looking hookers got up and started screaming and threatening the punters with retribution as they thought one of them had punched the guy. Very nearly an all in brawl.

 

And then theres the time I got my tit caught putting a cork back in a champagne bottle...

[Helike]

:shock: uhmmm... ow?

 

*goes off to giggle by herself*

[nighteyes]

I'm extremely accident prone this is one funny story that happened to me

 

My grandad and I had been out somewhere I can't remember where and when we got back someone had closed the gate. So being the kind person I am I got out the car to open the gate. I got hold of the rope and started to pull the gate behind me when the gate decided I was going to slow it sped up and smacked me in the back of the knees. I went down the gate flew over the top of me hit the post bounced back just as I was getting up and hit me in the face. And where was my grandad sat in the car laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his face. And if that wasn't enough he put up a sign saying beware of gate it hits back. So now whenever anyone goes round they ask about the sign and end up laughing at me as well.

[Lanette]

*ROFL*

 

That's one of the best that I've heard in a while!

 

Ok, something really awful that happened to me last week. I walked in on my brother..um, "visiting his hand" is how Spacey once called it I think! I was so shocked I kept turning round and round not able to find the door!! And my brother was so shocked that he got himself entangled in the bed sheets trying to cover himself up. Then we both started laughing like lunatics!

[nighteyes]

how :oops: good you can laugh about it.

 

well here's another one

 

When I was working as a stable groom. One day I'd just finished mucking out the stables. I put the wheel barrow in the doorway filled it up and was going to move it when I tripped over the door step fell on the side of wheelbarrow then landed on the floor bring the wheel barrow on top of me. I got up noticed no one watching and thought I'd got away with it until I was asked why I had horse muck all up my back.

[MsDanya]

I love this thread!! post post post!!!

[mrs cantfail]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!! "paying his hand a visit!!!!! Hahahahahahhahaaa!

[Corki]

Go here for lots of silly stories:

 

http://www.darwinawards.com/

[MsDanya]

I used to have that site in my favourites.. :P

[dragonlover]

lol ive never seen this site before, its hilarious!

[Angreal Meaker]

Spam here?!Cool!

[Corki]

I have some of the Darwin Award books, and I can't believe people can be so so so stupid!!!

 

I know I shouldn't laugh at people's unfortunate events (even if they kill themselves), but the way in which they kill themselves just makes me crack up with laughter!!

[Angyl]

Haha, the Darwin Awards are really funny.

 

I've got a story. It's not me, but my ex husband. Now let's just say I was young and stupid, and this guy was/is NOT the brightest bulb in the box. To put it nicely.

 

So this idiot decides he's gonna go get a job with a buddy at his drywall company, and picks up on the basics by lunchtime. The boss sends him to hang drywall in the bathroom of the house they're working on, and he and his other crew member go out to get some lunch. About twenty minutes later, the others return to the unfinished house, and it appears empty. After a few minutes they hear a faint knocking sound...

The genius ex has been busy, hanging drywall all around him, and has drywalled himself inside the bathroom, without leaving any opening for door, window, etc. Of course, all they had to do was cut an opening where the door would be, but he didn't even think of doing that from the inside.

No big consequences (Well, obviously, the crew/boss decided maybe he wasn't 'cut out' for that work) but that story still makes me giggle when I think about it.

[goldeneys]

...lol

[Corki]

*chuckles*

 

hahaha...funny!

[Helike]

ROFLMAO

 

 

Here's a new Zion tale for you.

 

So, I'm chatting with my mom, we're watching the news and my 11 year old daughter is being nosey. Zion(age 4) walks into my mom's room and they (he and his sister have the following arguement...

 

Olivia: What?! You can't read!!

 

Zion: Yes my can...

 

Olivia: No, you can't!!

 

Zion: I KIN READ!!

 

Olivia:Fine! ... (she pulls the bottom of her t-shirt to display the school logo on it clearly)

What does my shirt say?

 

Zion: Boobies!!

[EB]

hehehe What an awesome idea for a thread! ...Pity it means I'm gonna have to share all my embarrasing stories now... :lol:

 

Since I'm at uni and sposed to be studying I may as well start with the uni stories...

 

1. It was Orientation Week at uni and I was there with Kate (aka Kaylan, IRL best friend). We walked into a lecture hall to attend an info session with several hundred other people. We were late. The room was the biggest room on campus and it was a big uni. The room was full. Ignoring the stares of a few hundred people and the signs that say 'No sitting in the aisles/on the stairs', we seated ourselves on the steps in one of the aisles at the side of the theatre.

 

The lecture was boring. We were there for a long looooooong time and eventually my foot started going numb from the way I was sitting on it (tucked neatly under my other leg). Bored and somewhat intrigued, I sat there and let the pins and needles spread. People started getting up and leaving the room and after a while two seats in the row above us were free. Kate got up and motioned me over. Reluctently, I stood. I was wearing a knee-length denim skirt and shoes with platform soles. I could not feel my leg. At all. Standing on both legs and pressing my weight down through my numb leg I felt the impact in my hip - not my foot, my hip.

 

Smiling a little to myself, thinking that it was weird but rationalising that 'just because I can't feel my leg doesn't mean it isn't there,' I figured I could walk on it. I lifted my good leg to step onto the next stair and just... collapsed. Completely. My numb leg buckled and before I knew what was happening my shoe was broken and rolling down the stairs and I was tumbling down after it. I came to a stop a few stairs down on a platform halfway up and got the giggles. Quite a few of the several hundred heads were looking at me in amazement and all I could do was laugh. I looked up at Kate and the expression on her face was absolute mortification - not because I'd fallen down the stairs, I assumed, but because she was now associated with the stupid girl who'd just gone absolutely crazy. It was enough to send me into hysterics. I just sat there, on the stairs, half shoeless and with a leg that wouldn't work, and laughed that crazy laugh that you laugh when you're trying to be quiet and know you shouldn't be laughing... quite embarrasing really... :lol:

[mrs cantfail]

haha! Just thinking of those kindsa laughs makes me chuckle in my beard :lol: hehe...yeah

 

Mrs. Canty!

Loveees Danya!

Corp. Archer

[Angyl]

lmao, that reminds me of one of my most embarrassing moments.

 

My (current) husband and I had been married for oh, about a year when his grandmother passed. A sad time, but she had been very sick for awhile. Anyway, I had been holding his niece on my lap through the funeral service, poor little thing, and when the family all stood to file out; I stood..for all of 3 seconds. My leg and foot were asleep from the knee down, and I fell in the most comical way possible, I suppose, because I heard no fewer than five people bust into laughter when I went down. Hooray for comic relief!