Approved Warders Bio for Junoku Cashila--FL Please CC

[devon]

amegakure

 

Junoku cashila

20

Illian

 

 

Brown eyes

Black hair

5'11"

138

junuko was a young man who lived in the streets of Illian. He was of two lines of minor nobles, although he only knew of one. The first that no longer impacts his life was his father and mother who were lords of Illian, they were mixed up in some sinister plans to dispose of the current High Lords but alas they were found out and the High Lords announced that they would be executed and there child raised in a poor neighbourhood by some willing peasant. Not wanting this they quickly sent a secret letter to the only person who was still alive in their family.

 

This man was known as "lord Rashia" but he was not your average lord, he did not hold big mansions or estates, what he did own was the streets, the sewers, and anything that was illegal he knew about it, for he was what one called the lord of the thieves. The boy named Junoku was raised as a thief and proved adept at it, even being able to use both his arms equally. He was treated as a street urchin with his skills limited to pick pocketing, and stealing from shops. Once he grew he became a street tough, with robbery, theft, and burgerlry being his main talents.

 

At the age (of what? how old?) his uncle began giving him advanced lessons on knife fighting and using small crossbows. He proved very adept at the knives, he could throw them within an inch of each other. He was not the best with the crossbow but he was adept at it. He soon was taken off the streets and provide a table with the high table (this is a weird part of the sentence. What do you mean by this?), he was annointed a street lord when he managed to sneak into a Lord's mansion and make out with numerous objects worth much more than there weight in gold. He was one of the best thieves they had but he was valued much more for his dark skills of assination. By the age of 20 he was quite a fighter with none being able to beat him but his uncle, he wasn't strong or big but he was fast and could use both hands.

 

One day Junoku was checking out an inn of medium value to see when his boys would be able to best rob them. He studied this area for a couple of hours just to know what the best time to start would be. On his way home he realized he was being follow and did his best to lose his tail but realized that this would not happen for multiple men were after him. He looked for somewhere to hide and he spotted an open window on the second floor of an inn. jumping in he looked carefully around and when he saw no one he shut the window at which point the door opened and a woman and a big man came in. they demanded to know why he was in the room. He tried to explain when the window shattered and 5 men came charging in trying to kill him. He recognized what this was. They were trying to overthrow his uncle. He shout at the leader demanding for him to explain himself. The man told him that his uncle had been killed and he would be too for they had been framed for treason against the crown. They proceeded to try to kill him and the couple in the room. They however did not expect to face a warder and an Aes Sedai. They were made short work of but he saw that more were on their way. He was filled with hate and confusion. The woman shouted at him demanding that they move and that if he stayed he would die. So they made a break for it.

 

Junuko grabbed a horse from the stables and took of into the lands beyond to start a journey he had never experienced before.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Mystica
paragraphing, spelling correction and general clean up

[Elgee]

I believe this will need FL cc, Devon

[devon]

Oops, forgot that. Fixed it.

[amegakure]

So is it good

[Mystica]

Ok..... wow. Um yeah.... *scratches head* lol Ok here goes, my comments:

 

 

1. The bio is a bit hard to read because of the many spelling and grammar mistakes and the lack of paragraphs. If you could work on that (also for your RP's) that will make it much easier for people to play with you.

 

2. Royalty is not the same as nobility. Please change that to nobles. I will mark this family down as minor nobles, not in line for the throne. After their failed attempt they would never be allowed back up again and more than likely be executed when caught.

 

3. The charging on the second level seems a bit off. How do they get to that second level and how do 5 men 'burst in through the window' 2 stories up? Is there a foothold for so many people below that window?

 

4. The battle with the Aes Sedai and her Warder seems off. But I'm going to leave that to Devon to decide on, since he's the Warders GL.

 

 

For Freelanders only the second comment is important, but I would advice you take the other points to heart as well for the benefit of believability of your character.

 

 

 

 

 

junuko was a young man who lived in the streets of Illian. He was of two lines of royalty, although he only new of one. The first that no longer impacts his life was his father and mother who were lords of ileon, they were mixed up in some sinister plans to dispose of the current high lords but alas they were found out and the high lords announced that they would be executed and there child raised in a poor nieborhood by some willing peasent. Not wanting this they quickly sent a secret letter to the only person who was still alive in their family. This man was known as "lord rashia" but he was not your average lord, he did not hold big mansions or estates, what he did own was the streets, the sewers, and anything that was illegal he knew about it, for he was what one called the lord of the thieves. The boy named junoku was raised as a thieve and proved adept at it, even being able to use both his arms equally. He was treated as a street urchin with his skills limited to pick pocketing, and stealing from shops, once he grew he became a street tuff, with robbery, theft, and burgerlry being his main talents, at the age his uncle began giving him advanced lessons on knife fighting and using small crossbows. He proved very adept at the knives, he could throw them within an inch of each other. He was not the best with the crossbow but he was adept at it. He soon was taking off the streets and provide a table with the high table, he was annoited a lord when he manage to sneak into a lords mansion and make out with numerous objects worth much more than there weight in gold. He was one of the best thieves they had but he was valued much more in the dark skills of assination. By the age of 20 he was quite a fighter with none being able to beat him but his uncle, he wasn't strong or big he was fast and could use both hands. One day junoku was checking out a inn of medium value to see when his boys would be able to best rob them. he studied this area for a couple of hours just to know what the best time to start. on his way home he realized he was being follow and did his best to lose his tail, he found out that this would not happen for multiple men were after him. he looked for somewhere to hid and he spotted an open window on the second floor of an inn. jumping in he looked carefully around he saw no one he shut the window and the door open a woman and a big man came in. they demanded to know why he came in the rooms. he tried to explain when the window shattered and 5 men came charging in trying to kill him. he recognized what this was. they were trying to overthrow his uncle. he shout at the leader demanding for him to explain himself. the man told him that his uncle had been killed and he would be to for they had been framed for treason against the crown. they proceeded to kill him and the couple in the room. they however did not expect to face a warder and an aes sedai. they were made short work of but he saw that more were on their way. he was filled with hate and confusion. the woman shouted at him demanding that they move and that if he stayed he would die. so they made a break for it. junuko grab a horse from the stables and took of into the lands beyond to start a journey he had never experienced before.

[amegakure]

Ah ok I see, first off, yah I know the spelling is bad but I must have forgot to say im duing this on my phone in lack of a computer so spell checker is not an option, now as for the second story thing I should have indicated the building junoku was on was moderatly close to the window so some could break into it and not fall to the ground, and I should have said that they jumped in one after another anyway im not sure about the fight

 

And im good with nobility

Edited January 5, 2011 by amegakure

[Elgee]

If there's mention of Aes Sedai in there, I want to read it, but I'm afraid I can't read walls of text - my eyesight is too bad. Devon, could you break it up into paragraphs?

[Mystica]

I had some time, so I did it.

 

Amega, there are two new comments in the editting I did in the first post (in red). Could you provide the information or (better yet) re-write the bio and work all the comments in to it and re-submit it to Devon. Once Elgee has added her comments, that is.

 

The idea behind this bio is very interesting and can offer some great RP's, so I very much would like to see this work out.

[amegakure]

Ok sounds good once elgee says her question I will rewrite it

[Elgee]

Ok read it and apart from the problems Mystica already pointed out, it looks reasonable to me. I wouldn't normally advocate that an Aes Sedai yells and retreats, but I don't think it's important enough in this case to be nitpicky about it.

 

I'm curious to know, though - does he leave with the Aes Sedai and her Warder, or does he go off on his own?

[amegakure]

Ahhh this seems like so long ago well alas i have finally finished it and after my work and re-editing i do believe that it should be quit satisfactory and that you should all jump up and down in excitment! lol just kidding. Any way i shall resubmit it to devon.