FUNNY Stargate moments!

[F Horn of Valere]

Jack: They didn't go for it.

.........

Sam: Then for what, Sir?

Jack: Naming the X-303 the "Enterprise."

Sam: It is going to be the Prometheus, Sir.

Jack: Who wants to name it after a Greek Tragedy?

Sam: The X-303 it is then.

Jack: yeah (softly with a nod)

 

LOL that scene was HILARIOUS!!!!! Especially with Jack's personality!! heheehe

 

its from the episode in Season 6 when they help Thor in his galaxy with the replicators for the first time...

 

-----------------------------------------

In "Window of Opportunity," formerly named "Ground Hog Day".... Jack kissed Sam during a timeloop when he knew he would remember it, and she wouldn't...

 

At the end of the episode after the time loop problem is fixed, Daniel exclaimed that Jack could have done anything without consequences.. haha the episode ends with Jack giving Sam the funniest look..

[U4ea]

*laughs and nods* I loved the look on Sam's face when she said it, too. It just screamed "oh, God, here we go again."

[Darlantan]

*knows nothing about stargate other than that Ben Browder (John Crichton from Farscape) is in it now*

 

Mmmmmmmmmm Farscape.

[U4ea]

*laughs* Poor Dar. Perhaps we shall have to convert you... Claudia Black is in there now, too, ya know? *waggles her eyebrows* Season starts in a few weeks...

[LadyMoraine Sedai]

I cant wait either... its starting up soon!

[U4ea]

Next Friday, I think...*chews her lip* I could check to make sure, but I'm feelin' lazy...

[Darlantan]

Sorry ladies but nothing can replace my Farscape.

[U4ea]

Bah and stuff. Farscape is a CLOSED case. This is still going, thus, much more interesting. *nods*

[Jur Grady]

ok better moment-

 

Jack, Teal'c, Sam, and Daniel are sitting in Jacks living room after he has the ancient library DLed into his head for the second time.

 

Sam- I'm sorry sir i don't see the connection.

Teal'c- They are Mearly animated Characters O'neall

Jack- Your so shallow

Daniel-please. Teal'c is one of the deepest people i know. Go ahead tell him how deep you are.

Teal'c- my deapth is imatterial to this conversation.

Daniel- ooOOoo see

Jack- no more beer for you.

[U4ea]

*laughs* That one was freakin' hilarious. "no more beer for you." ;)

 

I love the whole "groundhog's day" episode. I need to haul out my DVD's and entertainmyself while I'm sick, I guess. LOL

 

Teal'c & O'Neill teeing off in the gate room through an open wormhole:

 

Jack: "Not in the middle of my backswing!"

Jack: "That's gotta be some kind of record..."

[F Horn of Valere]

same episode..

 

Daniel: you know, you could do anything you wanted, and there would never be any consequences!

 

Jack and Teal'c give each other a look then drop everything and rush out.

[U4ea]

*grins* Then Teal'c slams the door into that guy's face because he'd hit Teal'c a zillion times with it, every loop. LOL

[Darlantan]

I just saw the new comercial on SciFi, the one with the guy in the poolhall and I must say that was funny

 

"Aim low, hit it hard"

 

classic

[U4ea]

*laughs and shakes her head*

[LadyMoraine Sedai]

hey sis..... How would you like to make dar a siggy for me?

 

Would have to be one of those cute anime ones.....He wont deny it, If I like it, Im sure... *g*

[U4ea]

Wouldn't I be making Dar a sig for...Dar? *smirks*

[LadyMoraine Sedai]

*Pokes and Laughs* No silly..I mean do it as a favor for me:)

[Darlantan]

IF you dont mind Lor, Vanion is supposed to be working on one for me but well yeah. I just need one for here. I like the one I have over at the BT.

[U4ea]

Then let Vanion do it. *shrugs*

 

I just got two new quotes thanks to StarGate and their leader commerical (season 10 starts FRIDAY people!).

 

1- Col John Sheppard: "Aim low, hit hard. It always works for me."

2- Captain Samantha Carter: "It's not like it's astrophysics or anything."

 

LMAO! Alright, I have to go back to work. I just had to share those...

[Lanthirrhos]

I always liked the episode when Jack anf Big T keep getting looped through the same day... talk about funny moments... How 'bout a funny hour! :D

[Lanthirrhos]

Got these from several places... some are quite good. :P

 

 

-Jackson: Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music.

-O'Neill: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?

 

-O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib, too.

-Carter: Why didn't you say something?

-O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.

 

Jaffa are trying to break down the door.

-O'Neill: Just a minute!

 

-O'Neill: We came here in peace, and we expect to go in one... piece.

 

-O'Neill: Apparently I have lost the fallatus to speak properly. That wasn't a joke! I didn't do that on purpose!

 

-O'Neill: That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute. You are your god. That's a problem.

 

An officer asks them in Russian if they're spies.

-Jackson: Nyet.

-O'Neill: Daniel:

-Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies and— realizes the problem

-Guard: Come with me.

-O'Neill on the way out: Nyet?

 

-Hammond: So, Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

-Merrin: Yes.

-O'Neill: How old are you?

-Merrin: I'm eleven. How old are you?

-O'Neill: So Merrin, I understand you're a reactor expert.

 

Jack is about to hit a golf ball through the Stargate:

-Hammond: Colonel! What the hell do you think you're doing?!

-O'Neil: whirls around In the middle of my backswing?!

 

-O'Neill: There's a man... He's bald and wears a short-sleeved shirt, and somehow he's very important to me. I think his name is Homer.

 

-Teal'c: I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-o.

-O'Neill: Call Daniel.

 

-Native pointing toward Teal'c: He is Jaffa.

-O'Neill: No, but he plays one on TV.

 

-Young O'Neill: Hey! I realize it doesn't actually say "colonel" anywhere on my uniform, but it should.

 

-O'Neill: I just woke up, haven't had coffee— let alone peed in seven days and I find out you stole my ass and made a... Mini-Me!

 

-Loki: Your bodies are similar to our original form thousands of years ago. Using your physical makeup as a template, I had hoped to find a way to construct a clone that could contain our massively superior intellect. My research was unsuccessful.

-Young O'Neill: So much for massively superior intellect.

-O'Neill: I was gonna say that.

 

-Jackson: Jack, we need to talk! Oh! Sorry for interrupting.

-O'Neill: No! It's important. You must interrupt. You must.

-Jackson: I think we may have found a ZPM.

-O'Neill: Yes!

 

-Sam talking about Daniel: SG-11 insisted he seemed perfectly normal. Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?

-Jack: I thought it odd that he was shooting up the Gateroom.

 

-O'Neill: You get well soon. And when you do, you can do anything you want... and I mean... professionally. Anything. Well not... anything.

 

-Jackson: What the hell are you doing here?

-O'Neill: Well. Nice to see you too.

 

-Jackson: I wouldn't say this to anyone else, but for the first time, I'm scared.

-O'Neill: I'm hungry.

 

-Carter: It took us 15 years and 3 super computers to MacGyver a system for the gate on Earth.

 

-Carter: Actually, I'm a Major now.

-Aris Boch: Oh. Well, how very important. I'll inform the galaxy.

 

-Jonas Quinn: Hey, Major? How do I know what color to wear?

-Carter: We call each other every morning.

 

-Carter: Inertial dampeners.

-O'Neill: Cool... and check. Phasers?

-Carter: Sorry, Sir.

 

-Corso: You're an officer in your homeworld's military, you're a scientist, an explorer, and apparently you're a pretty fair mechanic.

-Carter: And I make a mean souffle.

 

-Carter: Our goal is to take out Anubis' new super weapon. It's what gives him a clear advantage over the rest of the Goa'uld mother ships. Now, we've received word from Teal'c that Yu has pledged to bring the full force of the remaining system lords' fleet down on Anubis once we've succeeded.

-O'Neill: Okay. Everyone who thinks this is absolutely an insane idea, raise your hand. Come on, be honest.

Everyone, including Carter, eventually raise their hand

 

-Jackson: Okay, well... There's no easy way to tell you this so... Sam's just gonna come right out and say it.

Sam gives him a look.

-Carter: Well, sir... as you know, the Asgard depend on cloning technology...

-Young O'Neill: Oh, for cryin' out loud...

-Teal'c: You have been cloned, O'Neill.

 

-Carter: Let's not touch anything yet. I'm kinda fond of this era.

 

-Carter: Just because my reproductive organs are on the outside instead of the inside... God! That's horrible! Who would say that?!?

 

-Carter: What do you think they're going to do? Ask us to join an elite team of intergalactic space heroes? Look at us. I think the only reason they showed us the tape is because we're on it.

-Jackson: Exactly.

-Carter: Oh.

 

-Mitchell: This is great. We got the band back together!

-Carter about Vala: So what's with the extra back-up singer?

 

-Mitchell: So you're saying that somewhere, in an alternate universe, I got to second base with Amy Vanderberg?

-Carter: Theoretically, yes.

-Mitchell: Boggles the mind, don't it!

 

-Carter: As we discussed the situation we realized we could pinpoint the source of the phenomenon to a precise window. Specifically the interim journey between the two gates.

-Mitchell: Did she just say "we"?

-Carter: Pardon me?

-Jackson: She said "we". You said "we"?

-Carter: Ah, me and... myself, I suppose. The other Samantha Carter.

-Mitchell: Right. Finally someone who can keep up with you, huh?

-Carter: Yep.

 

-Mitchell: You know, I've read mission reports on the Asgard, they're not what I was expecting.

-Carter: What were you expecting?

-Mitchell: I don't know... pants for one.

 

-O'Neill: No, she tried to seduce me.

-Daniel Jackson: Oh. pause You poor man.

 

-Jackson: This tastes like chicken.

-Carter: So what's wrong with it?

-Jackson: It's macaroni and cheese.

 

-Jackson: This is the Hall of Might?

-Gairwyn: You were expecting something different?

-Jackson: Well, uh... maybe a hall.

 

Hiding in a storage closet

-Jackson: I won't lie to you. There is a problem. We have to find Jack.

-Tonané: Okay. He's not in here.

 

-O'Neill: All right, describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.

-Jackson: I don't have a sister, Jack, and if I did, I wouldn't let you near her.

 

-Officer from 1960's: I won't ask again. Who are you?

-O'Neill: I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.

 

-Jackson: No no no no! Nick! Nick, I'm real! I'm real! You're not hallucinating!

-Nicholas Ballard: Hallucinations always say that.

 

-Markov: The sub is Swiss.

-Jackson: So they occasionally catch fire, but they keep perfect time. pause Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.

 

-Unas refusing food: Ka!

-Jackson: Now don't say Ka until you've tried it.

 

-Jackson: Mak tal shree! Lok tak. Mekta satak Oz! Mok tal Oz kree!

-Jackson: I don't think they bought my act.

-Jacob: Why? Who'd you say you were?

-Jackson: The... ah... Great and Powerful Oz.

 

-Colonel Simmons: Need I remind you, Dr. Jackson, of the dangers that we're trying to defend Earth against?

-Jackson: Oh, could you? I mean, go slow.

 

-Kershaw: I feel better just knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.

-Jackson: Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?

 

-Quinn: Well, can't you do some kind of a... keyword search?

-Jackson: For what? "Achilles"?

-Quinn: Well, that's good. I'm glad to see that your memory's finally coming back. Not to mention your razor-sharp wit.

 

-O'Neill: What's your situation?

-Jackson: I'm hiding. What's yours?

 

-Jackson: Hmm...Deja vu.

-Teal'c: I do not understand your meaning.

-Jackson: Oh, it means, uh I feel like I've been here before.

-Teal'c: Then you are correct Dr. Jackson, we were previously on this planet not too long ago.

-Jackson: Right. What was I thinking.

 

-Jackson: Teal'c, I know it isn't your strongest suit, but this is not the time for jokes.

 

-Jackson: Your English is excellent.

-Russian Captain: Thank you. Do you speak Russian?

-Jackson in Russian: I'm conversational. I think I can get by.

-Russian Captain: We'll stick to English then.

 

-Daniel: Walked into your house didn't he?

-Jack: Um hm.

-Daniel: That's twice in a row.

-Jack: Yeah.

-Daniel: Alarm.

-Jack: I'm thinking dog.

-Joe: You could try locking your front door.

 

-Oma: Order what you want.

-Jackson: Okay, I'll have the truth with a side order of clarity, please.

 

-Jackson to Vala: I'm sure if there's a monster down here it'll be much more scared of you than you are of it. Especially once it gets to know you.

 

-Jackson: Isn't that why we're doing this, all of this? The Stargate program, the missions. So we can meet new races, gather advanced technology, possibly learn about ourselves in the process.

-Vala: Oh c'mon. You do it to meet women.

-Mitchell: She has a point, sir.

 

-Jackson: Just try to be—

-Vala: What? My charming self?

-Jackson: A little less talk, a little more shut the hell up.

 

-Mitchell: Symtoms may include: dizziness, irritability—

-Jackson: Nausea—

-Mitchell: Mild nausea. And a condition known as "hot dog fingers."

 

-Carter: How's it going?

-Mitchell: I don't think diplomacy's my thing.

-Jackson: Oh. That's what you're doing.

 

-Landry: I read your report. Not sure I've seen language like that used in an official Air Force document before.

-Mitchell: Sorry about that, sir.

-Landry: You should see what Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson wrote.

 

-Jackson: I miss Thor.

 

-Black Uniform Jackson: Wouldn't it have been easier just to zat him?

-Black Uniform Teal'c: Easier, yes. But far less gratifying.

-Black Uniform Mitchell: Did he just insult me?

 

-Teal'c: You received permission for me to fire my staff weapon in the gate room?

-Carter: Oh yeah.

-Jackson: Absolutely.

 

-Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up.

 

-Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.

 

-Ally: Don't sweat it.

-Teal'c: I can not prevent it.

 

-Ally: Listen, you're a sitting duck down here.

-Teal'c: And ducks are bad?

-Ally: Um... the sitting kind are.

 

-Teal'c: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.

 

-Michael: We're even thinking of crossing the border up to Canada.

-Teal'c: For what reason?

-Michael: You know, man. The war.

-Teal'c: The war with Canada.

-Michael: No.

 

-Teal'c: They are intar.

-O'Neill: Short for?

-Teal'c: Intar.

 

-O'Neill: So, what's your impression of Alar?

-Teal'c: That he is concealing something.

-O'Neill: Like what?

-Teal'c: I am unsure. He is concealing it.

 

-Teal'c: Trust in me, O'Neill.

-O'Neill: What if I'm not O'Neill?

-Teal'c: Then I was not talking to you.

 

-Aries' Prime: Know this, Shol'va, I will see to it that you suffer slowly.

-Teal'c: And I will see to it that you die quickly.

 

-Teal'c: Where is the rest of your team, Colonel Mitchell?

-Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Actually it's still kind of SG-Me.

 

-Mitchell: Wow. Politics really does suck everywhere you go.

-Teal'c: Indeed.

 

-Teal'c: Indeed.

 

 

 

WHEW! that was a lot.... :D

[U4ea]

*laughs* OMG Is it sad that I could tell you what episode and what the situation was for more than half of those? I'm such a geek! *laughs*

 

Thanks, 12th! I think I'm slipping you points for that, I needed the reminder of just what a nerd I am. *winks and slips 15 points in his pocket*

[Lanthirrhos]

Gee! thx! i'm afraid i'm a geek too! i have s synopsys of the two new episodes typed up too if you want it...

 

well for those unfortunate enough not to see, here's a somewhat choppy runthrough for the new episodes.

 

**SPOILERS**

 

SG-1 (hope you didn't see this, 'cause it took forever... )

 

Recap: Auri come through Super gate and blow the Bela's Droppings in a Bag! out of all the forces there, Sam floats in space, others, unknown.

 

Flesh and Blood:

Cam survives unconcious in a 302 that he used to escape the Russian Corulag(303) right before it blew. Sam still floats in space. Jackson, presumed dead with the Corulag. Promethias(dang! sp?) survived because all systems were knocked out in the battle and were slowly regained afterwards. Cam lands in the Promethias. Asgard beaming tech, out of commision so Cam flys the 303 and saves Sam by flying the hanger bay into her(great scene). Tielk is still alive Aboard the Aluetian Alliance ship, also knocked out of the battle. But Aluetians take him hostage thinking he brought them there to deplete their forces and threaten to blow up the Promethias(has no shields, hyperdrive, etc.... sitting duck).@ more aluetian ships arrive but Ra'tak saves the day with reinforcements. The 2 new Aluetian ships destroy the 1st and hype out. Promethias discovers that the Corulags rings transported someone to an auri ship... maybe daniel. SG-1 and Ra'taks 3 ships leave after the Auri which are now attacking Chu'lak!

 

Vala Has her child, auri speed her growth, she'll be full grown in days. Child Carries almost all knowledge of the Auri, and a twisted sence of truth, auri supportive of course... She also has some Prior like powers. Daniel(who is on the ship) meets up with Vala as the ship lands on Chu'lak....

 

SG-1 arrives and commence plan to righ aboard a baomb onto one of the obiting Auri ships. One good guy ship down, there goes a second, Just Ra'tak's left. Bomb plan no good, it didn't work for some reason. Ra'tak sets up a collision course. SG-1 finds this to be a bad idea, but cant convince him otherwise... Promethias arrives and beams them out in time, even Ra'tak, for Cam planted a transponder on him earlier. Ships crash, no damage done to the Auri.

 

Daniel and Vala have a plan(well as much as they ever have a plan on this show ) to capture the child. Vala's Husband sees her and Daniel, becomes suspicious. Danny and Vala leave to get girl. Sam radios Daniel, the whoo-hoo he alive thing... Daniel waits outside while Vala distracs her daughter. Daniel walks in... at gun point... Vala's hubby naturally. Girl(wish i could spell the name...) Tells hubby to kill Daniel, Vala gets in the way, gets shot, Girls and hubby go to her aid. Daniel stuns both while they're distracted, grabs Vala(abandons plan). Beamed up to Promethias. hyperspace out...

 

Cam thinks they need a new plan, a damn good one.

 

Atlantis

 

Recap: Alliance a failure, wraith betry them, get location of earth, with Rodney and Ronan captured aboard they hyperspace out for earth (there's 2 wraith ships). presumably killing Sheppard who was next to the wraith ship in a 302 when it entered hyperspace.

 

No Man's Land:

Well first off, Sheppard clamped onto the wraith ship before it went into hyperspace so he's alive(says he saw it in a movie once... guess which...). Both Atlantis 303s need emergency repairs. Wier recalled to earth to 'explain' situation to the IOA (that dumb group consisting of a US, Russian, and Chinese reps) and to take the fall for the wraith discovery of Earth. Ronan and Rodney trapped in webbing used to hold humans till someone gets hungry...

 

Wier gets ripped up and down by IOA even though they supported her recomendations all along the way(grrr). Wier tells them to make the decision about whether or not to go after the wraith or not and leaves the room.She gets a call that Atlantis 303s are ready to go... IOA is dragging its feet because they don't want to be blamed for a possible failure. Wier tells her ppl to go and kill the wraith(who have to stop to rest the organic part of their ships from hyperspace travel) without IOA support.

 

Wraith ships exit Hyp, Michael(the former wraith-turned human, and wraith again) tells Sheppard who is still out side that he's an ally (apparently the wraith don't like him any more... and he had no clue that the wraith wanted to betray them), and where the hyperdrive is. Sheppard takes a chance and trusts him, and missles the hyperdrive of one wraith ship and turns on the other but is shot(whole wing comes off) is picked up by wraith ship...

 

Ronan and Rodney get free after Rodneys BS about we're gonna die, and his ponderings of 'which death is worse' etc... you know Rodney. They dicide that escape from the ship is impossible so they look for a control panel so Rodney can sabotage the ship.

 

Michael(who wraith still somewhat trust) Gets a hold of Sheppard and sends other wraith away. Gives Sheppard a gun and says he'll help free Ronan and McKay... only to find that they've escaped. But Sheppard knows the well enough to know where they're headed. So they all meet up, Ronan tries to kill Michael(doesn't like wraith, esp that one). Sheppard stops him.

 

Atlantis 303s come in and start engaging wraith ships, The more damaged 303(not the Dedalus the other bloody one whose name escapes me) can't fire any weap due to not being able to switch power from shields to weapons.Wraith ship with damaged hyp, takes hits from Dedalus. Other 303 fixes the problem with the sacrifice of their shields and launches drones killing one wraith ship. Other wraith ship destroys the 303(whatever the name is), but all crew members were beamed aboardthe Dedalus.

 

Sheppard and crew steal a ship and fly of to the Dedalus. Wraith ship scrambles fighters but Dedalus blows up hangers first. Ship seems dead in space. Sheppard and team (and Michael) makes it back to Dedalus.

 

Ded is venting too much atmosphere, not enough for trip home. long story short, the only place with enough air is the wraith ship, but it has lots of wraith too... So Michael(god bless him... until he turns on us) suggests using the wraith virus(the one that turns wraiths into humans... with no memory to boot!). Sure! great idea! So the virus is sent over, wraiths are now humans with no memory... Lady Wraith is killed, michael can fly the ship back to Atlantis...

 

To be continued...

[U4ea]

*grins* you're going to get all 50 of my points this month, aren't you?? Freakin' AWESOME fellow geek! *stashes 10 more points in his pocket and counts how many more she has between now and the end of the month*

[Lanthirrhos]

:D No thx needed... i got to watch each episode twice so i could do it...