A sorrowful return~ Atten: any and all who want to join

[Elyssa]

Elyssa had left the small village she had been staying in before the sun rose. She had gone there after the unimaginable happened. Daffyd, her warder, the mand she had known since she was an accepted had been killed trying to protect her. Her mind tried to go back to that horrible day, but she instead forced it to more happy thoughts.

 

 

They were in a class together and he'd neede to borrow something to write with. Of course that was just a rouse since he couldn't read or write. She didn't know that until one day he'd come to her asking her to teach him. That was the start of a friendship that had been so full of distrust that it was hard to prove herself to him.

 

She smiled remembering the day that she had kissed him.

 

It was an innocent kiss meant to show him how she felt about him. He was so shocked and scared that it was a trick that he ran from her. He ran all the way to the training yards where she found him huddled in on himself. He told her he'd thought she had been bribed to do it by his mentor. She couldn't help but laugh at that. She had never even met his mentor. It took him weeks to really believe her and for her to convince it that it was all her own idea. After that day they had been like brother and sister.

 

 

She thought back as she rode on in a daze. She had picked a village that was close to Tar Valon, but she had not been able to go all the way to her home. There were some many people who were going to miss Daffyd, so many people she had to tell. Too many memories for her to face on her own with the pain so new and raw. It had been years since she had seen the shining white walls of the White Tower, the bridges that seemed to just be there.

 

She could remember having left the tower with Dafydd. They had gone on a goodwill mission teaching anyone who wanted to learn. It had always been her dream to teach people to read and write. Many people said she should have gone brown but she had fallen in love with the blue's and that was where she belonged. She had taken him into a village not realizing it was the one he had run away from so long ago. Things got out of comtrol and it took a lot out of Ely to fix what he had nearly destoyed. She had to go looking for him afterwords, she was the only one who went looking, though they didn't know it at the time.

 

Elyssa looked up and saw the gleaming white walls of the Tower ahead of her. She hadn't realized she had come so far. The horse must have remembered the way. She was sadly happy to see her home in front of her. Her clothes were travel stained and wrinkled and her hair was in disarray. She stopped her mount and pulled out a comb and began running it through her long read hair. It hadn't alway been this long. She could remember the day she had had to cut it past her chin.

 

 

She was taking lessons from Daffyd and had been stubborn and refused to tie her hair up. It was well past her backside and she had not cut it since coming to the tower. She wore it long in rememberance of her family who she lost before coming to the Tower. She was newly raised to shawl then and thought she knew everything. Her hair had been caught wrapped around the staff and Daffyd tried everything he knew to get her unstuck. He finally had to cut it away. Her hair was crooked and she was angry with herself. She ran to Sasra Sedai and had her fix it and console her.

 

Her hair was long again now in rememberance of Daffyd. She was not going to cut it and she was not so stubborn as to leave it down when working with her staff anymore. She used a new staff now though she still had the one given to her by her Ajah. The staff she carried now was Daffyd's it was a gift to him from her after they had bonded. She also had the book he had given her tucked away in a saddlebag. She loved that book more than any other thing in the world. Putting her comb away she started her mount up again.

 

When she got to the stables she handed her reins over to a stablehand and began the long walk to her rooms. She wasn't ready to go into Daffyd's room which were next to hers. She walked slowly trying to stay calm. The last time she had been in the Tower Daffyd had been alive and inside her head. Now he was gone and her head was empty of anything except utter sorrow.

 

When she reached her rooms she hesitated on opening the door. She couldn't face then, not yet. So she turned and walked to her favorite garden. It was the one she had set some novices to so there would be a blue garden for her ajah. The novices had pranked her and dumped blue paint all over her. She smiled faintly at the memory of that.

 

Finding a bench she sat and let the tears fall. If anyone was near she did not notice. She did not care who saw her crying. Her life had been shattered they day she felt the bond snap. Never again would she feel him inside her head. She would never again feel him happy or sad or angry. That comforting feeling of him right there was gone forever. She would never bond again, it hurt too much to go through this all over again. She knew that was just the emotions talking but it was how she felt.  Wiping her eyes she began walking towards her rooms again.

 

And so it began, the new life she would make for herself upon her return to the White Tower, to home.

 

Elyssa Lliet

Head of the Blue Ajah

Bonded to noone

Heartbroken

 

OOC: anyone is welcome to post here including novices and accepted I will have chores for you when I'm finally into my rooms. I look forward to RPing with everyone again

 

 

 

[Jagen Sedai]

This part of the Tower seemed rather empty, and Jagen barely knew herself how she came to be in this area. She did not remember this garden but then again she had been gone for thirty years. Her first week back, and it was all turmoil. Her Ajah was turned upside down. Vaguely, jokingly, she wondered if she was one of the few sane left.

 

Her humor was quick to disappear even in her mind. She was in no mood for jokes. If an Accepted or novice even looked at her she was probably going to send them to the Mistress of Novices. Again Jagen mused. Long ago, she would not have minded that position herself...

 

Why did she keep thinking of the past?

 

I have to let it go. The past is gone, and I'm caught in a new tide. But I don't like it at all. An odd thought, perhaps. Jagen wasn't one to sit around pouting, but with the current state of affairs she wasn't sure what she could do. She had to brainstorm, but to do that, she realized, she needed to clear her mind.

 

A woman stood up from a bench nearby, looking rather ragged in Jagen's opinion. The Taraboner's long red hair went down in braids near to her waist, much longer than other Taraboner's wore theirs. Her white dress, with small red lace around the bosom and hem, was of the finest quality. The only thing that gave this ragged woman identity was her ageless face.

Now it was not in Jagen's personality to go talking to others--she was quiet and reserved and cared little for strangers--but in her own distress she subconsciously sought someone to talk to. Maybe helping someone else would help her.

"Excuse me, are you alright?" the newly promoted Sitter asked. She did not know this woman and doubted the woman knew her, but as far as Jagen was concerned they were both Aes Sedai and that was all that mattered.

[Jehaine]

Aeryn made her way to the garden she was assigned to tidy up. Even though she disliked the amount of work the Aes Sedai seemed intent on piling on her back, she had been looking forward to spending some time outside of the Tower again. Though the gardens weren't located outside of the grounds, the smell of fresh air more than made up for it.

 

Armed with a knife and several garden utensils, she checked the path for signs of overgrowth and creepers breaking through before starting to tidy up the plants that had been neatly planted in rows on either side, seemingly oblivious of the two Aes Sedai sitting a ways off. Instead, she focused her attention on the matter at hand, being one of the blue flowered shrubs she had been assigned to tend to. Pushing a few leaves away, she checked for old growth to cut away for the new buds to grow.

 

 

Aeryn

Gardening

[Elyssa]

As Ely got up to walk to her rooms she heard a woman talking to her "Excuse me, are you alright?" Turning her head to see who was speaking she noticed a girl in white tending to the garden. " I am as good as one can be in the situation" She could barely suppress the tears that wanted to flow down her cheeks. Everywhere she looked reminded her that she was all alone.

 

 

Pointed at the child and trying to still her voice she got her attention. "You there child I need you to go to my rooms in the Blue quarter and tidy them up for me. I haven't been in them in some time and I need to have them dusted also send a novice to get me something to wet my throat and have them send it here" Turning to the sister that had spoken to her she motioned for the other woman to sit. She studied the woman as she moved to the bench. She hadn't seen this woman before today, but she had been gone for a very long time.

 

As the child ran to do as she was asked Ely realized that she had told the child why she had wanted something done and Aes Sedai never did that. She really was hurting if she was letting little things like that slip past her thought. Sighing she took a seat next to the other Aes Sedai and had to choke back more tears remembering the times she had done the same thing with Daffyd sitting right next to her.

 

"I don't recall your name but I'd be more than glad with your company right now."

 

 

[Arani Lepenque Aes Sedai]

Wilemi walked in one of the Tower gardens, Nenen beside her, listening to the sounds of the waters splashing and gurgling merrrily in the rivers and fountains that were flowing.  Smiling at the sounds that they made, Wilemi enjoyed the scenery immensely.  It calmed down nerves stressed by the taxing Novice life that she had to endure before she could earn the Serpent ring.  Today was one of the rare days that she was allowed to enjoy company with Nenen.  Nesyer was busy elsewhere, but sooner or later, she would be able to see Nesyer again.

 

Solace was easy to find here, in the company of nature.  Birds chirped and twittered in the rays of the sun, and a gentle breeze here and there filtered through the trees, helping to counterbalance the heat of the sun.  The trees cast green light on all that was there, making her hair green as a result.  Hopefully no Aes Sedai would think that she had dyed her hair to make it look nicer that way...

 

A leaf wafted past her, and she smiled, her eyes following it all the way till it vanished behind the trees.  Smiling, Wilemi looked at Nenen, who was eyeing something down the path.  There was a Novice who was hurrying quickly down the road towards them.  But it was behind them that was alarming.  An Aes Sedai stood over another whose hands were covering her eyes.  An Aes Sedai showing emotion?  That was odd.  Pretending not to see, she concentrated on something else, as did Nenen.

 

Wilemi Kailadel

Scholar of the Five

[Jagen Sedai]

Jagen watched the woman with something of a calculating gaze. It was very clear by her wording she was under a lot of stress. The way her gaze moved, the hints of movement around her lips, everything gave her away. She remained silent as the other Sister ordered the novice to clean her room. So she had just returned from a journey, then. What happened, the Sitter wondered.

 

"The situation?" Jagen repeated. "Well, if you wish to talk of it I would not mind listening. I admit I mostly do this with Accepted, but don't feel bad about needing to talk. Sometimes it helps." Aes Sedai were only human after all, just long lived and with some power handed over. That made people unwilling to want to appear weak, but better in front of others like herself than normal people. The Sitter's gaze spotted the novices but they looked away as quickly as Jagen spotted them. She resolved that if they got too close she would give them a good talking to.

[Elyssa]

Ely couldn't figure out if the woman she was sitting next to was having a bad day or just didn't like the novices. She had given them a disapproving look and might send them to the mistress of novices if they even looked twice at her, maybe even once. Sighing and setting herself to let it all out to a person she didn't even know Elyssa began her story.

 

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she recounted the dreadful day she'd felt the bond between her and Dafydd snap. " I don't know what to do with myself now that I can't feel him. I know he died bravely and trying to save my life but it still pains me to think that maybe I could have done something to stop this from happening." Where was that novice she had sent for. Her throat really was parched from having cried so much.

 

Looking up at the novice that had entered the garden Ely pointed a finger at her and crooked it to get her to come to her " I need you to go to the kitchens and bring tea back here with two cups. Make it blueberry tea as that is my favorite." Ely couldn't bare to be angry at the child for just standing there watching her. She knew she looked a mess and was not acting the Aes Sedai that she had grown to be, but she couldn't make herself be anything more than she was at the moment. Turning to the woman next to her she gave her a look that said "Help me" hoping that there was help for her. She knew in time the pain would fade but it made her head spin thinking of when that was going to be.

[Jagen Sedai]

Jagen shifted and arranged her skirts, a motion from rising uneasiness of all things. She would permit herself to listen to a novice or even new Accepted who wanted some comforting, but another Sister... where was this woman's composure? And then there was the novice that Jagen hadn't bothered to yell at. Something that ended with 'emi' was her name, she was sure, though Jagen had only seen her one other time since coming back to the Tower. She watched as Elyssa shamelessly asked for tea. The Taraboner's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Did losing her Warder make her mad?

 

Jagen studied her longer, thoughtfully. The Red Ajah was actually considering bonding men, and this was the dilemma she had been privately facing when she ran into Elyssa. She could not think this meeting was solely by chance. Her sympathy only developed as a desire to help herself and the Reds as they were supposed to be, and the answer came. They could not bond.

 

"Elyssa, perhaps it will be better if we talk in my quarters, yes?" she offered. The intention of advising Elyssa not to show her feelings like that vanished from her mind as her thoughts steered in another direction. "I would like to talk to you more about this. And you can tell me all of your thoughts in detail since losing your Warder."

 

A plan was beginning to develop in her mind. Larindhra was not going to regret making her a Sitter.

[Arani Lepenque Aes Sedai]

Wilemi's eyes grew wide as she heard Elyssa's request.  Aes Sedai were usually much more composed.  And the wording was wrong.  Elyssa just told her why she wanted blueberry tea.  Aes Sedai never did that.  Throwing a quick glance at Nenen, she and Nenen both curtsied and ran off towards the kitchen to get blueberry tea.

 

At the kitchens, they waited and stewed as the Mistress of Kitchens looked at them with some suspicion and set about her with ladle and all, and got someone to create blueberry tea for her.  Nenen's eyes were crystal blue, ice cold impatience was radiating off her.  Wilemi knew her well enough to feel the impatience chill her skin.  She shifted her feet uncomfortably.

 

Nenen looked at her, and the ice cold impatience faded to nothing more than slight irritation that was not directed at her.  Wilemi was more reassured than anything else by this.  Two trays containing blueberry tea pots were shoved in their direction, and Wilemi took one while Nenen took the other.  Together they walked serenly up the staircases and corridors.  At occasion when nobody was around to see, they channeled Fire to make the tea hot.  Then immediately released Saidar.

 

Back in the gardens they walked, and they offered their trays to Jagen Sedai and the Blue sister.

 

Wilemi Kailadel

Scholar of the Five

[AddiBeth]

In the middle of a clearing somewhere in the White Tower’s Ogier Grove stood a stone bench.  The elements had long ago worn away any ornamentation that may have decorated it.  As years wore on wind and rain, ice and snow had begun to chip away at the edges.  Now, the bench was little more than two slabs of stone held up on rickety stone legs.  No one knew who had built or perhaps commissioned the bench, or why they had placed it in the middle of a forest.  Unless one knew the landmarks, the path leading to the bench could easily go unnoticed.

 

As far as Estel knew, she was the only person still living who remembered the bench’s clearing.  She swept leaves and other debris off of the bench, stooping to yank a vine that had begun to creep up one of the legs.  Over the years, the Blue Sister had replaced the legs of the bench as they crumbled.  She had cared for the bench far better than she’d ever cared for any person: her friends, her Warders, even her own son. 

 

The bench had always been there to listen to her rants, it did not mock her tears, it did not flinch when she struck it in anger.  It had never judged her, never disappointed her, never betrayed her, never abandoned her—it was a bench and therefore incapable of any action against her.  There was not a person in her life able to make the same claim because every person in her life was gone.  The sole exception was Maegan but even the Red could not claim to have never abandoned or betrayed her.  When everyone had gone, the bench was still here.  It had been here long before her birth and she’d make damn sure it was still around after her death.

 

This clearing was the single sanctuary Estel had in the world.  The sound of the brook that ran near it was one of the few things she found calming.  Pine trees enclosed the clearing, providing a barrier between it and the institution whose inescapable presence in her life she resented.  If she thought long and hard, not that the Blue was wont to do so, the bench epitomised her: abused by aspects of the world she could not control, forced to stay in one place while the world changed around her.  Since an Aes Sedai aged so slowly, Estel had watched every tree in the clearing grow to its present state from a sapling and witness its parent’s death—just as she had watched her own son live and die and now her grandson after him.

 

Through all the events of her life, the bench had endured.  Carise had shown her this spot, it was where she’d embraced saidar for the very first time.  After her mentor’s departure, the bench had been there to see the tears brought about by her first pass through the Arches.  It had seen her through the fiasco with Orion and Matthias, her pregnancy, the Order of the Rose.  The bench had played the role of Sirayn or Serena or a hundred other women as she screamed at it, kicked it—hell, there were cracks in the bench from being beaten with flows of Air.

 

She stood, this time without tears, nor the need to lash out.  While reflection still triggered a whirlwind of emotion, the simple act of having discussed it aloud with another person who did not criticise the decisions and mistakes she’d made had been therapeutic—even despite lingering fear that Maegan would betray her.  Sirayn had been an influence on her life for too long to allow easy trust—she had never even trusted Orion implicitly.

 

Satisfied that her sanctuary had remained undisturbed during her absence, Estel headed back down the path and her heart became heavier with every step closer to the White Tower’s shadow.  She felt prison bars close in around her, dreading facing the women whose expectations she had and would always fail to meet.  Damn the Tower for sucking the life out of her!

 

Leaving the natural beauty of the Ogier Grove, she made her way through the manicured gardens of the Tower.  Maybe it was the imperfection and wildness of nature, but the gardens didn’t hold the same allure for her as did the grove.  Had any detour not been twice the distance, she would have changed paths to avoid the group of women ahead.  Estel had every intention of doing her best to pass unnoticed until she recognised the two Aes Sedai.  A few words floated across the space between them and tickled a memory involving the voice and an unfortunate, poorly timed appearance of a certain Amyrlin.  Less than a year had elapsed, she’d fostered grudges old enough to have great-great grandchildren older than this grievance.  Besides, the Red had gotten the last word in and that simply would not do.

 

“Secreting her away for another of your famous apologies, Jagen?  Are you so desperate for friends that’s you’ve picked up stalking Blues again?  You Reds have no shame.”  Maegan would probably slap her if that comment made it back to the Red Sister’s ears.  Old habits die hard, even though the only person left in the world who might notice should she die was more proud of the Red Ajah than Jagen Halin would ever be.

 

The other Aes Sedai was another familiar face, though remembered with less enmity.  Elyssa had been a... friend?  Had Estel ever had friends?  In any case, they’d fallen out of contact years ago; it had been years since they’d even seen each other.  When was Elyssa last in the Tower?  How much had she heard of Estel’s past and reputation?  Considering the lack of friendly faces even in her own Ajah, it was doubtful her Sister had remained oblivious to her disfavour.

 

No scathing word or insult would have shocked her, but the tears on the other Blue’s face did.  Estel’s eyebrows rose.  Aes Sedai were Aes Sedai: weakness just wasn’t tolerated, a fact with which she was all too familiar.  Since neither kindness nor sympathy were among her prevalent character traits, Estel dealt with the situation in the manner she was most familiar with.  It felt odd to be on the opposite end of a reminder on White Tower decorum.

 

“Tears, Elyssa?  Here I thought I was the only Blue given to bawling in public.  Only a month away and the Ajah needed a new puppy to kick?  Where’s the loyalty gone?”

[Jehaine]

- "Aes Sedai... It's one thing that they order you around like servants, but they can't expect me to know the bloody floor plan of parts of this Tower i'm not even allowed into!"

 

After having ended up at another dead end, Aeryn couldn't help but growl a complaint. The prominent display of the color blue told her that she was in the right Ajah quarters, but there were many rooms here, and to make matters worse she didn't recall seeing the Aes Sedai before. Light, even she had mentioned that she hadn't been to the Tower in a long time, so how was she supposed to know anyway?

 

Taking a deep breath to calm herself before anyone could overhear her grumbling, she spun around on her heel, setting a fast pace as she headed back to the garden again. There were a few turns in this section of the Tower she wasn't quite certain on, but she hopefully would make it to the gardens soon enough again.

 

By the time she got back, she squinted her eyes, barely able to make out the Aes Sedai still sitting near the bench. Good. Straightening her face as well as her back, she headed to Elyssawearing a mask of mimicked Aes Sedai composure, and giving no sign that she noticed Elyssa's emotional state.

 

- "My apologies Aes Sedai, but i was unable to find your room. If you would be so kind as to tell me which one it is, so i may do the chore you sent me to do...?"

 

Despite her attempts to keep her voice level, the knowledge that she had wasted the better part of an hour on looking for the damn room managed to slip in a tightness to her words, a slight undertone of silent accusation. How was she supposed to get her chores done if these... people elevated pestering their students to their favorite passtime?

 

 

Aeryn

Vein popping, not exploded yet

[Arani Lepenque Aes Sedai]

Wilemi curtsied as another Aes Sedai whom she recognized, Estel Lioness, entered the garden and approached them.  She managed to keep the tray balanced on one hand, though it was something of a difficulty.  Beside her, Nenen curtsied as well, but splashed some of the tea over the tray onto the floor.  The teapot was halfway off the tray before Wilemi brought her own tray underneath and caught it before it slipped to the ground and broke.

 

“Secreting her away for another of your famous apologies, Jagen?  Are you so desperate for friends that’s you’ve picked up stalking Blues again?  You Reds have no shame.”

 

Wilemi's eyes widened in shock and her hands trembled slightly as she heard the scathing words that Estel Sedai was saying.  Estel was famed for her temper and violatile emotions.  But this?  Insulting another Aes Sedai in front of Novices?  That was practically unheard of.

 

“Tears, Elyssa?  Here I thought I was the only Blue given to bawling in public.  Only a month away and the Ajah needed a new puppy to kick?  Where’s the loyalty gone?”

 

By the time Estel had finished, Wilemi's eyes were so wide that they resembled teacups.  Nenen's face was much more composed, but she smoothed her skirts as though wishing that she were elsewhere.  Wilemi's tray rattled and the teapot and cup threatened to bounce right off the tray.  Grabbing herself mentally, Wilemi controlled her feelings, and her actions.

 

Without too much success

 

Wilemi Kailadel

Scholar of the Five

Scandalized

[Jagen Sedai]

Jagen slowly stood up at the insult given to her. Her blue eyes gave a hard impression, her doll-like face barely showing her annoyance. But a smirk slipped up as she spoke to Estel. "Desperate for friends is hardly the case; just because someone may not lend you an ear, Estel, doesn't mean you have to accuse me of something so foul as actually trying to find a friend around here," she mocked. "People can't be trusted, yes?" Jagen hadn't wanted it to turn this way, because she really wanted to talk to Elyssa. Not because she wished to comfort the Blue, but rather to use her case.

 

The Taraboner's eyes went over to the novices, who were trying their best to get Elyssa's attention to satisfy her wishes of tea and make sure they did as they were supposed to. For once Jagen let them be. Elyssa could be distracted by them as she made her point with Estel.

"Enough. I can see right through you, Estel," she snapped as soon as she saw the Blue open her mouth. "You try to play these emotional games with people to throw them off balance when you're the one already fallen in the pit. It's best you turn away right now before you make this situation more embarrassing for yourself, and before I change my mind about administering a punishment for showing such blatant disrespect towards a Sitter."

 

[AddiBeth]

A familiar thrill ran through Estel’s veins as Jagen turned around, furious.  Spending a month harassing scholars simply did not hold a candle to seeing how far she could push a fellow Aes Sedai to actual action against her.  She had antagonised Sisters of other Ajahs to the point of complaining to their Sitters who had in turn complained to Blue Sitters who proceeded to complain to the First Selector who then, for half a century, had tried to control her behaviour.  Estel had pushed Corinne’dei to the point of simply washing her hands of her.  By some strange luck, the most apolitical member of the Blue Ajah had found herself a close acquaintance with the previous two Amyrlins—it was strange to think that in the short month she’d been gone, Annais Nevell had managed to get herself killed.  Disrespecting a Sitter was child’s play for an Aes Sedai who had forced two Amyrlin Seats to take desperate measures to try and curb her wild streak.  Besides, considering what she was to do today, who could blame her for wanting to blow a little steam off at Jagen.

 

Yet, the Red’s jab about Estel’s emotional condition still stung, no matter how many similar comments had been made over the years.  While she longed to simply throw herself at the woman, force her to feel the terror Estel had faced in the last year, there had been some tempering of her rage during her absence.  Thought before action: the concept was still unfamiliar to her.

 

“Go ahead and look through me!” said with less anger than she felt.  “Tell me, what have you seen of the world Jagen?  While you and your Sitters debate the failure of the Watchers mission, tell me how much do you actually know?  Tell me why I met with Annais before I left or where I’ve been for the last month.  Was I sent on an assignment by the Amyrlin?  Take you guess!  Tell me what the conditions were like in Kandor while you sat plenty safe in the White Tower.  Tell me what any Sitter had seen of the world while it goes to hell?

 

“With all your power of position, do you know why Shevara is the third Amyrlin in this year alone?  Isn’t it funny how all the Amyrlins and their Keepers have a habit of mysteriously disappearing or dying?  Are you proud of your precious Red Amyrlin?  How long do you think she’ll last when there hasn’t been an Amyrlin to reign more than a year since Kathana?

 

“I don’t care that you’re a Sitter Jagen, you are a pawn for your Ajah Head chosen because she knows you can be controlled to do as directed.  Tell me who the Hall will deem more important: their newest member or an Aes Sedai with information?

 

“I’ll sit in my pit with the knowledge of what’s going on outside these walls, Jagen.  I’m not oblivious, can you say the same?  Get out of here, it’s two Blues against one Red—your shiny new title doesn’t change the numbers.  Who knows what the deranged little Blue will do if she gets angry enough?”  Estel was really quite proud of herself, she’d said it all without raising her voice much past it’s normal volume—or at least, the volume of a normal speaking person, one might say her normal volume was screeching.

 

Tempted as she was to embrace saidar and see Jagen’s reaction, Estel turned her back on the Red.  “Planning on hiding in your room sometime soon, Elyssa?  Or would you prefer the whole Tower saw your tears?”  Light bless her, she was such a hypocrite, but cruelty and anger had little to do with good judgement or truth.

[Jehaine]

Aeryn couldn't believe this... First she was being sent off on an impossible task, and when she got back she was simply ignored as if she wasn't there! Not to mention there were a couple of other Novices there as well, as if this were some kind of running joke! But what really had her build up steam was the fact that the Aes Sedai, supposed prime examples of composure and calmness and an example to the Novices and Accepted studying here, were bickering and bullying like... like Novices!

 

- "Would you two KNOCK IT OFF?!?"

 

The words had left her mouth before she could have stopped them, even if she wanted to. But the simple fact was, she had no intention of backing down now that her temper was in full swing. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, and had someone held a mirror she would have noticed the glare she was sending the Aes Sedai would resemble the one the Mistress of Novices reserved for spoiled Novices requiring a penance. Or two.

 

- "What in the Creator's name are you thinking? This is Tar Valon, not Cairhien, so save your bullying for somewhere else! You are supposed to be examples for us of what we should be like, so get your act together and START BEHAVING LIKE ONE!!"

 

 

Aeryn

Berating an Aes Sedai or two

[AddiBeth]

Her mind saw Sirayn standing in her five foot glory, ever there to remind Estel she was being ridiculous.  Before her emotions could decide whether this was an occasion of joy or despair, she’d turned around to a Novice instead.  A Novice?  Was telling her what to do?  Automatically her hand began to swing back, preparing for the most painful slap it could manage.  Unfortunately, Maegan’s voice was screaming in her head.  Something along the lines of “what have I been trying to get you to do for the last month!”

 

Mourning the loss of strangulation as on option for dealing with the idiot girl, Estel did her best to force away as much of her anger as possible.  The girl wanted to see bullying?  What would she say when Estel unleashed the full force of her temper?  Maegan’s voice was yelling again.

 

Rather than act on any of the violent impulses that were filling her head, Estel used a favourite technique of Sirayn’s that the Green had used against her countless time.  She smiled.  Then she spoke very quietly.  “Child, I suggest you move yourself to the Mistress of Novices as quickly as possible and explain what exactly you were thinking when you decided to start lecturing Aes Sedai.  After that, I have a few bags of my own that I’ll need unpacked and would like you to report to my room.

 

“As for you,” she spun around and pointed at the other Novice “tell the Mistress of Novices you were eavesdropping on Aes Sedai.”

[Jehaine]

Aeryn just stood there as Estel turned on her, not even flinching in advance as the Aes Sedai prepared to hand her a full-armed slap. If Estel had tried to intimidate her with it, the attempt had failed miserably. As the Aes Sedai seemed to back down however, she too tried to push down her anger, aided by the smile the woman was sending her way. If this was the result of her actions, she was satisfied by the outcome.

 

“Child, I suggest you move yourself to the Mitress of Novices as quickly as possible and explain what exactly you were thinking when you decided to start lecturing Aes Sedai.  After that, I have a few bags of my own that I’ll need unpacked and would like you to report to my room.”

 

Aeryn straightened her back, her arms falling to her sides again as her anger subsided. She took a couple of deep breaths, and when she was certain her temper would not flare up again she gave Estel an approving nod before replying.

 

- "Good. I will see you later then, Aes Sedai."

 

And with that, she turned around, heading for the Mistress of Novices' office with all the dignity her noble upbringing had instilled in her. Even without the emphasis she placed on her title, it wouldn't take much to realise that the compliment she had given the Aes Sedai was for the ability to listen to reason. Still, with the desired result having been achieved she saw no need to press the matter further. She had the Aes Sedai's name, and would now have little trouble in trying to find her way to the woman's room later today.

 

 

Aeryn

Satisfied with her successful lecture

[Jagen Sedai]

Jagen listened to her rant in silence, but what bothered her more than anything—dispite much inaccuracy of her little rant—was the last thing she said.

 

“I’ll sit in my pit with the knowledge of what’s going on outside these walls, Jagen.  I’m not oblivious, can you say the same?  Get out of here, it’s two Blues against one Red—your shiny new title doesn’t change the numbers.  Who knows what the deranged little Blue will do if she gets angry enough?”

 

The Red Sitter just stared at her. It was all too obvious that although Estel was overly enjoying herself poking at her position, she knew little of Jagen’s own situation. The Red had barely been in the Tower for the past thirty years. Her last year had been spent in the Borderlands, and young though Jagen was she was well traveled, having connections with nobles all over the world this side of the Aiel Waste.

 

Two Blues against one Red, she stated. Jagen wanted to rip her hair out for even mentioning something so stupid. Long ago Jagen made it a point never to let the dissent and unfriendly relations between the Ajahs affect her, only people. Estel was one of those, unfortunately.

 

Both her and the Blues were distracted by the novice. Jagen was shocked the girl had such nerve but, as it was with Estel, the Red did not say a word. She simple let Estel take care of it and save her the bothersome girl. Had she not hated Estel so much she would have given kudos for how she handled it, too.

Oh, and she would remember this novice’s face for later. Jagen be damned if a novice ever got away with talking to her like that! A trip to the Mistress of Novice’s office was going to be in order.

 

After the child left Jagen simply stated, “Well if this is the case and I am so unwelcome, I will take my leave. Even if Elyssa here wasn’t allowed to put her two cents in on the matter. I’m sure your delicate company is much more preferred.”

 

[Elyssa]

Elyssa sat in silence throughout the whole thing. She didn't know what to say her mind wasn't working the way it should be. As Jagen got up to leave Ely rose and straightened her skirts. " Jagen I will call on you someday soon for now I think I need to go to my own quarters and see what state my Ajah is in" Elyssa turned to Estel and beckoned her to follow.

 

As soon as they were far enough from Jagen that she could not overhear she turned to Estel while still walking to her rooms " What right do you have to yell at me in front of Novices no matter how much emotion I am showing. If there are novices near you need to show a little more respect than that. What has gone on in the Ajah that Jagen looks at the Blue's like they were nothing and she did look at you like that" Elyssa started walking a little faster she wanted to get to the Ajah's halls and see what was going on.

 

 

OC: Sorry it's so short I have a horrible cold that's all Estel's fault but I love what you guys did with the post.

[AddiBeth]

The only thing delicate about Estel was her thin frame.  It didn’t need to be said that she didn’t much care whether Elyssa preferred her company over Jagen’s.  Narcissist that she was, the tortured Blue had turned the scene until it wasn’t even about Elyssa anymore; her pain had been ignored and even used against her for so long by others that Estel could no longer find it in her heart to care about anyone else’s.  The presence of the other Blue served only as another witness to her shot at Jagen.

 

With the Red’s departure came both a feeling of satisfaction and pride.  Had the conversation not been fraught with insults towards her... well, Maegan’s Ajah, Estel might have thought the woman would have been proud of how she’d handled the situation—so long as the older Sister overlooked who had thrown the first verbal punch.  Bloody hell, why did she care so much about Maegan’s approval?  It wasn’t as if anyone else had felt any pride in what meagre accomplishments she had to her name, why did she open herself up to disappointment in needing to be affirmed by the few people who ever gave a damn?

 

Ever absorbed in her own problems, it came as a shock when Elyssa actually seemed to want her company.  Estel was hardly one for conversation of any kind not involving insults; nevertheless, she followed her fellow Blue automatically.  Moments later, she berated the impulse and wished she’d left the scene on Jagen’s heels.

 

Considering her pride in keeping her temper in check with Jagen, Elyssa’s chastisement bit deep.  How had her skin remained so thin after everything she'd gone through?  Immediately she went on the defensive, shreds of control clinging to a temper that wanted so badly to explode.  This had been what scared her back at the Academy: that once subjected to the rigours of Tower life, she’d revert back to her old self.  Barely a day back and already she was cracking?  Pathetic!  Where a conscience should have been, Maegan’s voice yelled insults in her head—this was just like their practice.  Only Elyssa meant every word.

 

She kept her voice soft but harsh.  “And what if our position had been reversed?  Would you have done any more for me than I did?  As for the Novices, we aren’t their parents.  Does the illusion of Aes Sedai perfection do them any good?  Or are we just setting them standard we, ourselves, can’t keep so we can watch them fail as we have?  Nobody here is bloody perfect for Light’s sake, let’s shine a torch on you and see what we find!  Is it such a crime that I gave up on perfection years ago?”

 

Did the rant make her feel any better?  A little; she was so bloody sick of everyone holding her to a standard they didn’t keep either.  Aes Sedai may not be able to lie, but hypocrisy ran wild in the halls of the White Tower.  After a deep breath and a few moments silence on Elyssa’s part, Estel answered the second half of the question.

 

“I haven’t been Jagen’s favourite person for years.  Seems she’s quite proud of her new title though and with the new Red Amyrlin, the idiot probably thinks she’s untouchable—particularly if Corrine’dei hasn’t been playing nice with our new leadership.  My money says she hasn’t.  Then again, I only returned today so I know little more than you.”  Damn politics, Estel would give just about anything to avoid them.

[Arani Lepenque Aes Sedai]

Wilemi gaped and nearly dropped her tray as Estel Sedai accused her of eavesdropping.  Me?  Eavesdropping?  She thought indignantly.  I had a task here.  I did not eavesdrop on purpose?!  The tray she was holding shook as she handed it to Elyssa.  As Jagen Sedai left, she realized that Nenen was still holding a tray.  Turning to face her, she saw Nenen glaring angrily at Estel Sedai, and was about to give her a lecture.

 

Remembering what Aeryn had did just now, and the results of it, she nudged Nenen's arm quietly.  Nenen turned, and her stony gaze bored through Wilemi, then mellowed into a stern, but accepting gaze.  Turning back to Estel Sedai, her gaze was stone.  Then, she dropped the tray right at Estel's feet.  Porcelain shattered and tea spilled on Estel, as Nenen pulled Wilemi and rushed off towards the Mistress of Novices.

 

When they were out of earshot, Wilemi pulled Nenen to one side, into a side passage of the corridors of the White Tower.  "Are you MAD?"  she hissed angrily.  "You should not have done that.  No matter how unjust or unfair it is.  That is not the way to treat Aes Sedai."  Moving forward, she and Nenen then made their way up the Tower to the Mistress of Novices room.  Knocking on the door, they heard a stern, "come in!"

 

Wilemi sighed, and entered, Nenen following to whatever end awaited them.

 

Wilemi Kailadel

Scholar of the Five

Furious

[Elyssa]

Elyssa was appalled to here Estel talk the way she was. Had she really been gone so long that this poor woman had been through hell and back. " Estel I would have dismissed the novices and then shown you what you were doing wrong. There is never an excuse to act as you have in front of Novices. You know me better than to think that I would ever yell at you or call you names in front of anyone but our own Ajah. I may not be perfect but I do have respect for my fellow sisters. Especially the sisters of my heart in my own Ajah. Now let's hurry and see what kind of a shambles our quarters are in." Elyssa walked on fuming about how Estel had treated her. But mostly she was fuming at herself for letting her emotions show in front of the Novices.

 

It was the returning here that had brought on such emotion. She hadn't stayed away long enough for the pain to dull and seeing the Tower again had brought everything back to her. If Estel hadn't shown up she would still be crying on the shoulder of the Red Sitter never realizing who the woman was. Never paying attention.

 

"Estel thank you for what you did for me even if it was out of line the way you did it. If it weren't for you I would have sat there crying for who knows how long. I am not your enemy and I need all the friends I can get right now especially ones who knew me and Dafydd. I need to remember the happy times with him and that he sacrificed himself willingly and unselfishly so that I could live on." Elyssa became quiet for awhile and then they were at the Ajah quarters and in front of her rooms.

[AddiBeth]

It felt odd to walk back into the halls of the Blue Ajah with a sister at her side—but no Warder at her back.  Despite Elyssa’s presence at her side and her concern for Estel, the younger Blue lacked any sentiments of fraternity towards the “Sisters” of her Ajah.  Should she have been moved by the thousand shades of blue decorating the corridor?  Tapestries depicting legendary Blue Sisters, some dozen Blue Amyrlins, should these have made her proud?  The displays of devotion by her Sisters, blue dresses everywhere and not a scrap of red to be seen: was her dark green out of place?  Elyssa’s concern for the state of their Ajah elicited a drop of guilt from Estel who was indifferent as to whether or not the Ajah even still existed upon her return.

 

Light forsake her, she was as jaded as they came.

 

Elyssa’s gratitude, though, did have an impact.  Estel’s brows furrowed for a moment in confusion before she caught the reaction and cleared her face.  She might not be the model of Aes Sedai serenity, but she’d rather not deal with any comments on the cause of her confusion.  The woman’s lack of disdain for her left Estel feeling obligated to say something... if not comforting, at least appropriate.

 

“Dafydd was a good man, I’m sorry.”  Not empathetic, nor particularly sympathetic; but having said “the right thing”, she didn’t feel quite so jaded.

[Elyssa]

Elyssa only looked in front of her when Estel mentioned Dafydd. The pain was still too new and just hearing his name made her want to cry. She looked around the ajah's hall and didn't see the activity that had once been a part of this place. It felt empty to her. " Estel does this place feel empty to you, I can't shake the feeling. Let's go find the First Selector and find out what's been going on while we've been absent."

[AddiBeth]

Did the place feel empty?  Estel had hardly noticed, out of habit she avoided eye contact with any of the women passing by.  The place didn’t feel empty, but then it wouldn’t until she no longer saw every scathing glance or heard every whispered remark as she passed—the day the Blue Ajah felt empty was the day the White Tower fell or the less likely scenario, Estel bloody Liones was no longer the subject of gossip and ridicule.  Yes, she was the queen of melodrama.

 

As for finding Corinne’dei Susten, it wasn’t difficult—the Taraboner did the finding.  Estel returned the First Selector’s condescension with a mutinous glare.  The woman spent less than a moment acknowledging her presence before moving onto Elyssa.  “Sister, welcome home; it is good to see you again.”  The woman was capable of warmth?  “If there is anything I can do, please ask.  The Ajah, too, mourns the loss of our brother.  Come, I’ll serve tea.”

 

Estel was obviously not so welcome, nor had Corinne shown this much sympathy following Orion’s death—Light, had it already been nearly two months?  It seemed longer.  The whole Ajah had not been indifferent, of course, she’d found some comfort from Espara; but considering the depth of the loss, empathy tended to only make her more furious.  What did Corinne know of losing a Warder?  Estel doubted anyone would be so blind as to Bond that woman...  The irony of her mental commentary hit her a few minutes later.  This was the reason she really needed to learn to think before speaking.

 

As Corinne left, Elyssa in her wake, Estel felt rather stupid.  The Ajah Head hadn’t invited her to tea; not that she was a good judge of silent communication, but Elyssa’s glance back seemed to request her continued company.  There were few women left in the White Tower that Estel wanted to spend time with less than Corrine’dei Susten.  Why hadn’t she left the garden when Jagen had?  Stupid bloody mother kissing...

 

The game of charades didn’t last long before Corinne noticed.  If not for the woman’s imperturbable cool, Estel could have sworn she would have rolled her eyes and sighed.  “Yes, I supposed Estel,” not Estel Sedai or Sister Estel, “should join us.”  Estel’s “gracious” smile barely toed the line between sarcasm and civility.

 

In the company of two of her Ajah Sisters, sitting casually in armchairs, sipping tea—Estel felt horribly out of place.  Corinne ignored her for the present and she was only too happy to oblige.  “I really am sorry to hear of Dafydd’s death.  How are you holding up?”  Estel bit back a scathing remark.

 

 

Estel bloody Liones

Blue Ajah's Kicked Puppy

 

Corinne'dei Susten

First Selector... for now