Seryanne's Limerick Thread **ALL WELCOME**

[Guest Seryanne]

Well, in honour of it being Poetry Month, I thought I'd resurrect this thread.. Unfortunately, I lost all of the old Limericks that had been written because my computer died....

 

But please feel free to post a Limerick or seven.

 

If you're unsure about the rhyming scheme... here's an old Edward Lear classic..

 

There was an old man with a beard,

Who said "It is just as I feared,

Two owls and a hen,

Four larks and a wren,

Have all build their nest in my Beard."

 

And here's one to kick us off...

 

When Dragonmount gave up the ghost,

We were shunted from pillar to post,

But here's DM.Seven

Our Internet Heaven,

Welcome back, and let's Raise up a Toast!

 

Now it's YOUR turn :D

 

If you can remember the ones from the old thread, feel free to repost them here too!

 

Happy Limerick-ing,

[Zachary]

There once was an Aes Sedai named Kathana

Who like pudding much more than Banana

So she was bribed quite often

Peoples' attempts for her to soften

But instead got thrown into the pudding mines

[Guest Seryanne]

Whenever I have an exam

I admit that I don't give a d*mn.

I log into the forum,

My books? I ignore 'em,

And I happily add to the spam!

[KellySedai]

There once was a little Ogier,

Who had only one thing to fear.

She sang to the trees,

Wanted only to please,

And drank ale all day...okay beer. :P

 

She feared to lose all her friends,

The ones on which she depends.

That is the only loss she couldn't take,

She'd jump head first in a lake.

For that would truely be her end.

 

So she sings to her trees,

And suddenly she sees,

Her friends will always be with her.

You can hear her whisper...

"They will be here inside my heart for all eternity."

[Guest Seryanne]

Kelly... that was SO cute. Hooray!

 

Well, now my exams are all done,

And it's time to go have me some fun,

I'm going to drink

Until i can't think

And toasty my toes in the sun!

 

Hooray for no more school :D

 

(and HOORAY in general)

[goldeneys]

ummm, I have a question, do if I post here, can I post whatever I want (rated PG of course)? And does it have to be written by me?

[Zachary]

Well I think we all want it to be something in good taste. And it should be yours, I think. But I don't know. You'll have to wait for Seryanne, her thread, her rules.

 

There is an Aes Sedai named Alarwyn

Who's really rather quite charmin'

She's a Yellow to boot

Let's give her a hoot

Though she's oddly not interested in farmin'

[Dwynwen]

There once was a cat in the yard

who thought exercising was hard.

He'd sit there all day,

yet he never would play,

and now he's a big lump of lard.

 

 

 

That was about one of my cats. :)

 

I'm glad to hear you're done with your exams, Sery! *Hugs*

[goldeneys]

well, go here to see The Lord of the Limericks.

http://forums.fanhq.com/viewtopic.php?t=38377

[Guest Seryanne]

Hey Sei'car....

If it's a Limerick, written by you and pg-13, then Post Away :D

If It isn't written by you, then post a link, or post the Limerick, but give credit to whoever wrote it! yay :D

 

Oh, and dwyn.... that was awesome :D

[Dwynwen]

Thanks!

[Alarwyn Liande]

Aww... Thank you Zach! I really like it! :D

Now I have TWO limericks written to me! :P

 

I happened to find the one Seryanne wrote me ages ago... So here it is! :)

 

That cute Lellow Sitter called 'Larmie

Has managed to utterly charm me

She's not only cute

She's a nutter to boot

In fact, she's endearingly barmy :)

-Seryanne

 

I still haven't figured out what barmy exactly mmeans... *lol*

[goldeneys]

it's a veeeeeeeery long one, but.....here goes

 

 

 

Lord of the Limericks

by Doctor Gamgee (on a LotR fan club site)

 

 

Book I

 

“Mad Baggins†(Bilbo) did aspire,

 

to see elves, so he thus left the Shire.

 

Frodo got everything,

 

Including one small ring.

 

And on this, Gandalf soon did inquire.

 

 

 

“I can say, now that Bilbo is gone,

 

that the old fellow seemed sort of wan.

 

But he didn’t look old,

 

So before it gets cold,

 

I will go and consult Saruman.â€

 

 

 

Well the Winter was followed by Spring,

 

When the wizard returned, news to bring.

 

“Send this thing to the fire,

 

for our future is dire,

 

if the Dark Lord should get back HIS RING!â€

 

 

 

Old Gandalf looked through window’s glass,

 

To see Samwise start cutting the grass.

 

Through the window, forsooth,

 

Gandalf snatched! “Tell the truth

 

Samwise Gamgee, and none of your sass!â€

 

 

 

And poor Sam stood there, shaking in fear,

 

And confessed of the things he did hear.

 

“Since you spied on Frodo,

 

then along shall you go!â€

 

And we’ll meet at Bree’s ‘Pony’ for beer.â€

 

 

 

So old Gandalf did quickly depart,

 

Just as Gollum confessed to his part.

 

Through his sniveling whine,

 

Gave he news to the Nine.

 

And the Nazgul’s “Find Baggins†did start.

 

 

 

Well Frodo (with no rhyming quip!)

 

Had decided to quietly slip

 

From the Shire. “But no!

 

He must not alone go!â€

 

So conspired Sam Merry and Pip!

 

 

 

So now Frodo no longer did wallow,

 

In a gloomy funk so hard to swallow.

 

Merry went on ahead,

 

To meet Fatty (old Fred)

 

As the other three fled to Crickhollow.

 

 

 

Well they left just in time, so it seems.

 

For a shadow right out of bad dreams,

 

Rode on horseback through mist

 

“Where is Baggins?†it hissed.

 

As they searched for the gold ring that gleams.

 

 

 

And the nights seemed to get much more scary,

 

As the three went by cart to the Ferry.

 

“Mrs. Maggot sent stew,

 

and a mushroom or two.â€

 

Farmer said, as he left them with Merry.

 

 

 

So the hobbit friends escaped the gloom,

 

As they sat, in the new dining room.

 

But a cry filled the air,

 

With the sound of despair

 

That was colder than any dark tomb.

 

 

 

So the hobbits slipped out the back door,

 

To the old forest hedge, and what’s more,

 

They slipped right on inside!

 

From the riders to hide.

 

But they knew not what yet was in store.

 

 

 

So they wandered ‘neath clouds that did billow,

 

And were lost in the shade of a willow.

 

But the tree was awake,

 

And some mischief did make,

 

Playing Merry and Pippins soft pillow.

 

 

 

As they dozed, the tree made an attack,

 

And caught two of them inside a crack.

 

As for help Frodo cried,

 

A strange scene soon was spied,

 

As Tom Bombadill beat the tree back!

 

 

 

 

 

“Now my merries,†sang Tom, “come along!â€

 

Follow me and my voice, it’s not long.

 

‘til you meet River Daughter

 

and eat, like folks ought ter.â€

 

And he ran away singing his song.

 

 

 

What they found was a sight to behold.

 

At the house lived a maid, hair of gold.

 

With food was table covered

 

Soon Frodo discovered,

 

That the Ring, over Tom, had no hold.

 

 

 

So the hobbits awoke the next day.

 

And began toward Bree to make way.

 

So Tom said, “As you go

 

Please avoid the Barrow

 

As the wights fill wee folk with dismay.â€

 

 

 

So they started off heading for Bree,

 

In the hopes of old Gandalf to see.

 

Bombadill came to find

 

That the lads were entwined

 

They’d got lost in the wight’s misty sea.

 

 

 

Bombadill freed the hobbits once more

 

But instead of giving them ‘what for’

 

Saw them armored with knives

 

That might save all their lives.

 

If they only could find the Inn’s door.

 

 

 

They arrived by the road at Bree’s gate,

 

And they entered, although it was late.

 

“Here’s the Pony. I will

 

give the name, “Underhillâ€

 

Frodo did, and they all sat and ate.

 

 

 

So the four drank a few “Pints†of beer,

 

When Frodo the name “Baggins†did hear.

 

So to shut Pippin’s mouth,

 

Sang a song from the south,

 

And mid dance did Frodo disappear!

 

 

 

Well this trick quickly curdled the cider,

 

And the Ring called out to the black rider.

 

So the Bree folk all left

 

And with moves that were deft,

 

From the shadows appeared one called, Strider.

 

 

 

He grabbed Frodo, now shaking with fear,

 

And he whispered right into his ear.

 

“Mr. Baggins†he said,

 

“A good chase you have led.

 

But be careful the riders are near!â€

 

 

 

And old Butterbur finally came,

 

To his senses; remembered the name.

 

“Underhill will come soon.

 

Gandalf said, “I’ve a boon:

 

Give this letter to one in the same.â€

 

 

 

So the letter from out of the blue,

 

Would tell them what they already knew:

 

Strider’s name: Aragorn,

 

Friend of Westernesse born.

 

And he was quite a good ranger too.

 

 

 

So the hobbits recovered from fright,

 

And in Aragorn’s room spent the night.

 

The black riders’ advance

 

Didn’t stand half a chance

 

Since the Hobbit were saved from this plight.

 

 

 

The next day, Barliman saw the rooms,

 

And ordered Hob and Nob “Bring in some brooms!â€

 

Someone emptied the Stable

 

We’ll replace, if we’re able

 

The horses. Quick go see the grooms!â€

 

 

 

So the night at the Prancing Pony,

 

Cost the hobbits none of their money.

 

That is the reason why,

 

That Bill Ferney, the spy,

 

Sold them “Bill,†one small mount that was Bony.

 

 

 

 

 

Well the hobbits, plus strider and Bill,

 

Made a bee-line for Weathertop hill.

 

Sam recited “the Lay

 

Of Gil-Galad†(Hooray!)

 

Then the Nazgul tried Frodo to kill.

 

 

 

As the nightingale softly did sing,

 

Crept the Nazgul toward the One Ring.

 

They stabbed Frodo, who yelped

 

And some Athelas helped

 

Relieve pain from Morgul-blade’s sting.

 

 

 

But a fragment of the curséd blade

 

Slowly toward poor Frodo’s heart made

 

“We must head to the elves:

 

We can’t cure him ourselves.

 

Let us go! Or he’ll to a wraith fade!â€

 

 

 

As the party sped t’ward Rivendell,

 

On the wind came the wraith voices fell.

 

But then into their path

 

Riding on Asfaloth,

 

Came an elf warrior great, Glorfindel.

 

 

 

He set Frodo atop of his steed,

 

And in elvish he bid the horse speed.

 

“To the Fords, run my friend!

 

This shall not be the end,

 

this poor hobbit needs our help indeed.â€

 

 

 

And the horse ran his fastest that day,

 

Though the Nine chanted words of dismay.

 

Frodo crossed, turned around,

 

Then collapsed, heard no sound

 

As the Flood swept the Nazgul Away.

 

 

 

(And so this is the end of book one,

 

but the story is hardly begun,

 

Frodo’s fate (and the Ring)

 

Shall the next five books bring,

 

Until finally the tale is done)

 

 

 

Book II

 

 

 

When Frodo awoke, so it seems,

 

He’d recover, as though from bad dreams.

 

But the quest was not through,

 

There was much more to do,

 

Though still haunted by cold Nazgul screams.

 

 

 

How Old Gandalf was filled with delight,

 

To see Frodo had lived through his plight.

 

“And our Sam, so ‘tis said,

 

stayed not far from your bed.

 

He has been her through Morn, Noon and Night.â€

 

 

 

And united the hobbit friends four,

 

Soundly gave the grey wizard “what for.â€

 

“You had said, ‘Meet at Bree’

 

at the ‘Prancing Pony’

 

But you never waltzed in the front door.â€

 

 

 

“I am sorry that I was so late.â€

 

Gandalf said, “’twas a strange twist of fate.

 

But I left Aragorn

 

From a line of Kings born,

 

So forgive me for missing our date.â€

 

 

 

And as hobbits, they wanted to know

 

Where on earth the grey wizard did go.

 

But there wasn’t much time,

 

For a bell soon did chime,

 

“To the council, my dear lad, Frodo.â€

 

 

 

“But now Gandalf, you’re sure I belong

 

At this council called by elvish gong?â€

 

“Yes, we two.†He replied.

 

But the pair had not spied

 

Samwise Gamgee, who had tagged along.

 

 

 

Well the council was endless, it seems.

 

For the minutes would fill several reams.

 

And the entire thing

 

Focused on Frodo’s Ring,

 

Evil Sauron’s, though it lightly gleams.

 

 

 

It was forged in the Cracks of Mt. Doom,

 

By the Dark Lord in history’s gloom.

 

To subdue all the Rings

 

of the Elves, Dwarves and Kings,

 

But he did not see fate’s sly trick loom.

 

 

 

Isuldur took the Shards of the sword,

 

And with one mighty blow, victory scored.

 

For from Sauron’s black hand,

 

He cut off the gold band,

 

And he thought he’d destroyed the Dark Lord.

 

 

 

But he didn’t set Ring to the fire.

 

Isuldur thought to make himself higher.

 

“Sauron’s Ring I do claim,

 

and my sons ‘heirs’ do name

 

for the price that I’ve paid was quite dire.

 

 

 

Isuldur left the land of Mordor,

 

but was waylaid by orcs and what’s more,

 

The One Ring, him betrayed,

 

From his finger is strayed,

 

To the bottom of Anduin’s shore.

 

 

 

So the Orcs shot the King, oh so regal,

 

And the Ring waited until small Deagol,

 

Found it under the sand,

 

Bringing it to the hand,

 

Of the creature Gollum, known as Smeagol.

 

 

 

For you see, Smeagol wanted the Ring,

 

And to get it, would do anything.

 

‘Twas a great source of woe,

 

Smeagol’s friend became foe.

 

Gollum, Deagol’s demise then did bring.

 

 

 

Then the creature Gollum his friend kills,

 

Turns his back, and heads straight for the hills.

 

So he sought the in the mountains

 

For the root of all fountains,

 

Underground did he learn some dark skills.

 

 

 

And years passed, and the Ring, don’t you know,

 

Would posses Gollum’s mind, and would grow.

 

But then came a contest

 

Of which “Baggins†was best.

 

And the Ring found its way to Bilbo.

 

 

 

And the Tale of the Ring was near done.

 

For ‘twere none other owners, save one:

 

Sitting here by the fire,

 

Frodo late from the Shire,

 

Brought it out under Rivendell’s sun.

 

 

 

“Yet the Dark Lord’s not gone†Gandalf said,

 

“To this council we all have been lead.

 

So it thus is our quest

 

To see Ring laid to rest.â€

 

Frodo sighed, “Shall we ever be fed?â€

 

 

 

“Just a few minutes more, Frodo dear.

 

First I must list the others found here:

 

Boromir, Aragorn,

 

Of the race of men born.

 

Legolas the elf brings up the rear.â€

 

 

 

“Just a moment! I fear you exclude

 

all the Dwarves,†said he, with attitude.

 

“I am Gimli, Gloin’s son,

 

and of Dwarves, you’ll have one!

 

For all free folk you now must include.â€

 

 

 

“Then if one of each race must be sent,

 

Then Frodo shall the Shire represent.â€

 

“I fear you overlook,

 

Gamgee, Brandybuck, Took.â€

 

So said Sam, and Gandalf did relent.

 

 

 

Thus did Frodo the task undertake

 

To attempt Sauron’s Ring to unmake.

 

“Yet I shall take this quest,

 

and shall give it my best.

 

Though I know not the way I should take.â€

 

 

 

So the Fellowship left Rivendell,

 

And began the trek to Mordor, fell.

 

They tried the mountain pass

 

Over red Carhadras

 

But the snowstorms they could not repel.

 

 

 

As they waited, near chest deep in snow,

 

They debated on which way to go.

 

To go near Isengard,

 

Would be awfully hard.

 

For the wizard, Saruman would know.

 

 

 

“We should try through the mines.†Gimli said.

 

“Though ‘tis rumored the Hall’s filled with dread.

 

But a cousin of mine,

 

Balin, will serve us wine,

 

And perhaps some fine meat and some bread.â€

 

 

 

So the fellowship said their farewell,

 

To the pony, Bill, who’d served them well.

 

“Run along, you can find

 

Bombadill, if you’ve mind.

 

Fatty Lumpkin our story do tell.â€

 

 

 

So they made their way to the rock wall,

 

That possessed the door to the great hall.

 

But a riddle they found,

 

Near the lake, dark and round.

 

“Speak-Friend-Enter†the moonletters call.

 

 

 

“This is boring†said Pip with a yawn,

 

as Gandalf his memory did called on.

 

Merry said, “Just say ‘friend’

 

Like an elf. And this end

 

will open.†So Gandalf tried: Mellon.

 

 

 

As the doors to the hall opened wide,

 

The lurker in the water was spied.

 

It tried to grab Frodo,

 

But the others yelled, “NO!â€

 

And they stabbed at the monster, who cried.

 

 

 

So they left door and monster behind,

 

And their way through the darkness did wind.

 

But they were not alone

 

In this hall made of stone,

 

Besides Orcs was a spirit unkind.

 

 

 

And they rased through the gathering gloom,

 

At the narrow bridge of Kazad Dum.

 

Gandalf smote the bridge down,

 

Hoping Balrog to drown,

 

But alas, Gandalf there met his doom.

 

 

 

For there was no sort of magic spell,

 

The Balrog could use, Gandalf to quell.

 

So it flicked whips of fire,

 

And Gandalf did they mire.

 

“Fly you fools†he cried, just as he fell.

 

 

 

And the Fellowship, those that were left,

 

Watched as Gandalf fell down through the cleft.

 

As their hope slipped away,

 

They made for light of day,

 

But despite the sun, they were bereft.

 

 

 

Aragorn led them on through their flight,

 

For they feared the orcs coming in might.

 

“We must head for the Elves

 

we can’t defend ourselves

 

against Moria’s army this night.â€

 

 

 

So they entered the fair elven wood.

 

At the banks of Nimrodel it stood.

 

And the great elven queen,

 

Whose mind clever and keen,

 

Gazed at them, and each one understood

 

 

 

And Galadriel turned to Frodo

 

Saying, “Sam, you and I shall all go

 

To the mirror and see

 

Signs of what yet may be,

 

But all ends even wise folk don’t knowâ€

 

 

 

So the three of them went to the spring,

 

to see what visions this night would bring,

 

But the strange elven magic

 

brought visions too tragic.

 

"My elf queen, shall I give you the Ring?"

 

 

"My dear Frodo, that I can not take,

 

If I did, a "Dark Queen" would I make.

 

I would use it for good,

 

But corrupt me, it would,

 

In the end; the whole world would I break."

 

 

In the morning, fog started to lift,

 

and the party, down the Anduin drift.

 

But they each held in hand

 

something elvish and grand.

 

For Galadriel gave each a gift.

 

 

And among them, the three best were these:

 

Gardner Sam got a seed from the Trees.

 

Frodo: phial of star light,

 

Gimli, three hair strands bright,

 

The dwarf smiled, "I'll make heirlooms of these!"

 

 

As they left, they were all of them dressed

 

in grey cloaks, with leaf pins on their breast.

 

They were given Lembas;

 

all way bread is surpassed,

 

But the Ring, Boromir's mind possessed.

 

 

Ten days later, they reached Amon Hen.

 

A stronghold of Westerness Men.

 

Boromir tried to take

 

Frodo's Ring: big mistake.

 

For he feard it would happen again.

 

 

Frodo slipped on the Ring, then he crept

 

to the shore where the boats were all kept.

 

But his Sam knew his mind,

 

and would not stay behind,

 

So together, into the fire leapt.

 

 

They took one of the boats, heading east.

 

As the Ring caused the friendship to cease.

 

So the fellowship broke,

 

Frodo bore the Ring's yoke,

 

Under tear-filled eyes, brows tense and creased.

 

 

(And as Middle Earth rides these dark hours,

 

as the Dark Lord unleashes his powers,

 

To find out the Ring's fate,

 

you shall just have to wait.

 

For the tale focused on the Two Towers)

[Zachary]

Whoever made that has too much time on their hands.

[goldeneys]

I believe it took him quite a while.

Would anyone like to see the one for the Two Towers?

Not replying within one day is as good as a yes.

[Zachary]

No. No, no, no.

[goldeneys]

ok, I'll just give you the link

 

I haven't read more than on verse of this, so I don't know if it's good.

[Guest Seryanne]

Because I'm not here:

 

While I'm stuck with a dial-up connection,

And my log-ins just end in deflection,

It won't be for long

(Well, I hope I'm not wrong)

And I think of you all with affection!

 

Hopefully I'll be back on a proper connection in a few weeks :(

[Zachary]

We'll all miss you, Seryanne

For your limericks I am quite the fan

Please come back soon

I'll consider it a boon

And bring a limerick if you can

[Guest Seryanne]

Oh! The blood to my face it is rushing!

And I think (no, I know) I am blushing

In a most girly way!

I can't think what to say...

Which is good - if I could I'd be gushing!

[Zachary]

Oh, I really liked that one. Hmm... Let's see if I can match that...

 

Nope, I can't. Bravo, bravo.

 

Oh, now that's a good limerick!

And I'm not saying so as a gimmick

And I do like the blush

Also feel free to gush

 

 

And that's where I'm stuck.

 

We should have a limerick war some time.

[Guest Seryanne]

Is it war you're declaring indeed?

Well, I'll have to accept with all speed.

I can think of a rhyme

In a very short time

And they're so sharp you know that you'll bleed!!

 

:twisted:

 

I like this idea... :D

 

 

Name a man who's deserving of thwackery,

With a knack for sincere, honest flattery,

Who is quick on his feet,

And deep down is quite sweet.

Can there BE such a man? YES! It's Zachary!!

[Zachary]

Low blows, eh? I'll not stoop to your tricks.

 

Who has lying down to a knack?

That'd be Seryanne, the quack

She says things about me,

That are just plain mean

And is deserving of a hit with a sack.

[Guest Seryanne]

Oh! Your riposte has filled me with sorrow,

And cut me right down to the marrow,

If I can find a way

I will make you pay...

I will think of a good one tomorrow!

[Zachary]

Alas, your words fill me with dread,

With horrid imaginings within my head.

But it cannot be worse,

Than my father's last divorce,

So no need for me to hide in the shed.