I can't do this attn: Boopsy Sedai

[Matalina]

Touching the source. How was it not possible to do, she knew she could do it. Kate had set a garbage bin on fire for the Great Lords sake. She had done it before she knew she had. But now she couldn't even get near the source. The rose was not forming, the sun was not shining and nothing would work for her. Nothing, Nothing Nothing. Kate mopped after her last Introduction to Saidar. Everyone else was doing so well, but Kate was still trying to grasp the source itself.

 

A month here and Kate was working harder than anyone else and couldn't do anything else anyone else could do. To say she was frustrated was an understatement she was ready to give up. But after setting the fire she'd been sick for nearly a week. And they let her be sick, they could have healed her she knew they could have but they hadn't. They kept saying you have a block, you have to figure it out and learn how to defeat it. Kate had no idea what it was or even how to start. She was frustrated and that wouldn't help any. But she was willing to try even harder, her time on the farm and improved her morale and she really wanted to learn, she didn't want to have to go back to the farm.

 

Kate sought out a teacher to help her in her limited free time, someone who would be patient with her and not try to push things. Someone whom she felt comfortable talking with. Hopefully Camigwen Sedai would be of help. Kate could only hope.

 

Kate knocked on Camigwen Sedai's quarters door and waited. Kate hoped she wasn't too early.

[Wayward_fool]

Camigwen folded up the letter in her hands and tossed it to the fire place, where the flames caught the parchment and consumed it to ashes. Her face frowned momentarily and she muttered a quick curse. She had not liked the contents of the letter, and with it its author. She wondered where Skechid was in the world right now. It pained her to admit her flighty companion probably had much more fun than she did. But her choice to take up Sitterhood and later becoming Head of the Ajah disallowed her any adventures worth mentioning. For one thing, it kept her head buried in the mundane day to day functions of the White Tower. And while times were getting darker, she had little choice but to submit to the will of the White Tower and more lately, the Amyrlin.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knocking at the door. She quickly checked that the letter had burnt to nothing and called out for whoever it was to enter. She recalled vaguely that someone had made an appointment for a Novice to visit her. Apparently about a block. She sighed. She did not like working with blocks, especially since most of the time it took hours of concentration. Still, it was good to work with the younger initiates of the Tower. Camigwen had little interactions with the Novices, since most of her lessons were on the Ajah, which were reserved for the Accepted. So many Novices came and left without ever reaching Acceptedhood, which means she never got to meet them other than vague passing-bys in the corridors. Novices were less and less common these days, and the few that progressed to Acceptedhood were precious. She had to do what she could to help them get Raised. Blocks were the worst.

 

The door opened.

[Matalina]

OOC: sorry I didn't reply sooner forgot to check <sighs>

 

Kate opened the door and gave Camigwen Sedai a full curtsy as was the custom here in the Tower. She'd never held to custom on the ranch, there really wasn't any - that was probably one of the hardest parts here. Her mother would probably scoff at the idea, but then again she was a Warder once upon a time. Kate tried to avoid her Aunt Raeyn, there was no need to draw connections between herself, her mother and her mother's former Warder.

 

 

Kate smiled to hide her fear, she rarely saw Aes Sedai with out getting punished for something she'd done. "Camigwen Sedai, I am here to see if you can assist me in breaking the block." Kate didn't know what was wrong or where to go from there, she only knew that she had to try, she had to become an Aes Sedai, she knew that was what the Great Lord wanted of her, and Kate thought that the One Power called to her, she only had to get there to reach the power that it held, and she could fulfill what her mother had not been able to see through. Kate didn't regret her mother's death, she was lost with out her but that lost grew less and less each passing day.

 

"I am not sure what you need of me, but any assistance you can offer would be greatly appreciated." Kate prayed that she could help, there was nothing else she could think of that would help. If only the Great Lord could get her to get past this bloody block.

[Wayward_fool]

Blocks. They always intrigued Camigwen. As in all marvels of the human body did. Blocks were the way the body coped. A natural defense mechanism that prevented a worse evil. But they were a pain to be rid of. What the body was used to, it was not going to give up easily. And while they were a focus of study for Camigwen, each case was vastly different and no matter how many cases there were, it never got easier.

 

"Sit down child." Camigwen gestured to the chair before her. "It is good that you have come of your own accord and that you accept help. That is the first step towards breaking the block, the admission of its existence and the desire to be rid of it." She paused at the girl before her who had nodded slightly. "However, if you expect to have an easy road ahead, you would probably be much mistaken. You need to prepare yourself to consider the fact that you may never channel easily, or at all at that. For blocks are never simple and more often than not, a challenge to break. If you do not mind the hardships or the trials you will need to go through, then we will begin." Camigwen embraced Saidar and reheated a jug of spiced wine. She filled a cup and pushed it in front of the Novice. "This is Elderroot tea mixed with Greenberries. It will relax your mind and body. If you do still desire to break that block, drink it."

 

Camigwen sat back and waited.

[Matalina]

Kate took a deep breath, she knew what it did, it was used a lot on the roughest of horses on the ranch when they were freaking out. Miss Sarah also used it on unruly children. It wasn't the most pleasant of tastes but Kate drank the tea as fast as she could, it was a bit too warm to down in one gulp. The taste brought back memories of her mother, the ranch and more importantly of her brother. She wondered how Aiden was doing.

 

It didn't take long to finish the tea, nor for it to work. Kate didn't feel loopy, just relaxed. Her mind floated in a cloud with in the void. She hadn't even realized she'd grasped it, but it was second nature. Like her mother she didn't like losing control, the void helped maintain it with the affects of the tea.

 

With a sigh, Kate released the void. She wasn't sure how this would help, but she hoped that her new mentor would be able to lead the way and show her. "I think I'm ready, I know it's working."

 

Kate

[Wayward_fool]

Camigwen nodded thoughtfully. The tea worked its effects pretty quickly.

 

"Stand up." Camigwen walked over as the Novice obeyed. "Put your arms to the sides and I want you to spread your legs." Camigwen stood behind the girl. "Imagine yourself, a flower opening to the sun. Think of a rose or a wind flower or possibly one of the yellow allamandas you girls are so fond of putting in your hair. Bright, bright coloured." And on and on she droned, her voice almost a whine in the air. Some phrases she repeated, others were almost nonsensical. The first step to breaking the block was for the body to almost forget it. To step across that chasm that the mind had built to stop channeling from killing the channeler.

 

"Finally..." She drew to a close. "I want you to fill yourself with that sun." She suspected the girl was almost asleep. "Embrace it and-"

 

She stopped. And waited. "I want you to tell me what you feel."

[Matalina]

Kate did as instructed, her arms at her side and her legs apart. She closed her eyes and thought about the flower. It started out as a flower anyway, but it soon became the flame she was so accustom to using. Kate tried to listen to what Camigwen Sedai said, she tried to listen and follow, but the numbness of her mind made her drift to what she already knew. The flame kept coming into view and taking over. There was no sun shine but the warmth of the flame. She tried and tried but the tea was making her drift into normal.

 

Kate didn't open her eyes but when her mentor finally finished speaking she wasn't any closer and she was expected to answer. Kate didn't know what to say. She felt nothing, that was the point of the void. Kate spoke from the void, the coldness and the edge was typical when in the void. "I feel nothing." She wasn't suppose to say that she knew, but she knew why she wasn't feeling anything.

 

Kate wanted to slump down and stop standing this way. She wanted to leave, and not touch the source if it was going to be this hard.

 

Kate pictured the flower for a final time. But she was angry with herself, the void didn't come but the anger was there. Kate waited for Camigwen Sedai to do something or say something, while she continued to try, but she couldn't get beyond the flower.

[Wayward_fool]

It took hours. Even with the ability to ignore heat, Camigwen's head ache slightly from the exertion. And the girl before her was wet from head to toe. They kept going, starting with a Novice exercise of trying to surrender to the sun. A few times Camigwen felt the girl embrace Saidar, a brief glow of the Power that disappeared abruptly. She was starting to think...

 

"Enough." Camigwen said firmly. She was keeping her temper barely in check. It was often like this. Blocks were never an easy thing to deal with. "This is going no where. You must learn to surrender. Surrender! There is no control or grabbing or fighting. It is about embracing the Power. To let it fill you. Try to grab it and it's like a slippery snake that threatens to overwhelm you. Sway its path. Not push it." The Yellow sister embraced Saidar itself and held out a flame. This was a standard test for channeling but it sometimes worked. "Look into the flames." The Novice obeyed and stared hard at the flame. Camigwen adjusted the weave slightly and filled it with skeins of Spirit as well. The flame danced on her palm and within in, held images and movements and...

 

"Let the images fill you and do not think of anything else. Nothing else but the flame and what is within. Let it empty your mind. Nothing about Saidar or the One Power. Just focus on the images." Camigwen waited.

[Matalina]

Kate could tell her mentor was getting frustrated. That's how Kate felt all the time. Surrender? Control was something Kate needed, this was going to be even more difficult. But Kate listened and tried to relax, thankfully the tea helped in that matter. She let things go where things went, if the void came them maybe that was what was needed. No emotion, no need to control. Maybe?

 

Kate watched the flame and the images and let her self only see the images, the warmth of the fire, the ideas behind each image. She wasn't sure where the images were coming from, as they seemed to be of things she knew, she saw her mother, her brothers, her sister, and things that Carmigwen Sedai would not know. Maybe it was a hallucination maybe not, but Kate watched the images, she didn't try to do anything, it was much like the flame and the void, letting the fire burn away her emotions, her life going up in smoke. The warmth of the fire enveloped her. Kate could feel things she hadn't felt before, she looked around and saw with a new clarity. It was like being in the void, but it was warm, it was a safe place but very much different from the cold of the void.

 

Once Kate realized she had embraced Saidar, she lost it and the dullness of the world returned. Kate smiled, but she tried to do the exercise that she'd done in classes and before, but Saidar was not there. She looked at the fire and relaxed, she gave up her control, and she let it flow, she thought about nothing other than the warmth, the safety of the flame. She knew she could do it if she wanted to but she had to let go.

[Wayward_fool]

Camigwen was intrigued. This test helped alot in breaking the blocks. It relied alot on image association. Points at which the channeler seemed to be most unable to channel, in conjuction with the respective image. But it was good that the Novice managed to embrace Saidar, albeit only for a shrot while. Camigwen was starting to feel somewhat hopeful about this block. She was ready to test her theory.

 

"Good." Camigwen extinguished the flame. "Now I want you to do the same thing again. This time..." Camigwen channeled as the girl started her Novice lessons. A cold sphere enveloped the two of them. Winds blew about them. Which was fine for Camigwen who ignored the temperature, but it definitely struck a chord of discomfort with the girl. She looked in horror at the Aes Sedai. "Focus, child! Ignored what is about you. The cold, the discomfort. And instead let Saidar fill you. No more comfort! No more love. Nothing."

 

Camigwen waited to see if it worked.

 

((OOC: Camigwen thinks that your fear of comfort, warmth and love are what keeps you from Saidar. This cold weather should distract you from the warmth and love of it. See hwo you want to run with it? Sorry, but PMs are down. And I'm having DM problems.))

[Matalina]

Kate was horrified at being frozen to death but surely a yellow knew what she was doing. Kate did as she was told, she tried to let saidar enveloper her,to warm her. She thought of nothing other than saidar. The cold around her making it nearly impossible to do anything other than think warm thoughts.

 

Kate floundered in what was once the void. It was cold, she fought to push the cold inside away and embrace the warmth that was saidar. Control was hard to release, she had to surrender. The cold pushed at Kate and she felt like giving up. There was little she could do.

 

Kate sighed and resigned herself to give up, she'd never channel unfettered. And that was when it happened, the source sprang to life, warmth filled Kate. The cold was around her but the warmth from Saidar kept her warm, safe. She'd surrendered to it - fianlly.

 

It was a small miracle but she smiled at her teacher through Saidar colored eyes. She willingly pushed Saidar away, let it drop, the cold around her enveloped her but Kate was ready to embrace Saidar. She knew it wouldn't be easy but she continued to practice, to surrender.

 

Surrendering was the hardest thing in the world for Kate to do. She been taught to fight for what she wanted to never let anyone or anything beat her. But Kate had to let Saidar win in order to get to it. Her mother hadn't helped in this lesson, perhaps it was by design. Kate wouldn't put it past her.

 

After several more hours of the cold training Kate was pretty sure she could do it every time she tried. It still needed much more practice. She still needed to overcome this total surrender need, she'd never be able to fight with the One Power otherwise, but she had many more years to practice that fine control.

 

Kate was glad, she thanked her mentor and hoped that these lessons would last.

 

OOC: Sorry for the late reply and sorry for wrapping it up like this, kinda just wanted Novice days over hehe.