Approved CotL Bio - Gabe Garner, Please CC

[WolfbrotherKronos]

Handle at DM: Seph

 

Gabe Garner, age 18

Hometown: Taren Ferry

Physical description. Gabe is 6ft and has medium red hair and green eyes. He weighs around 160 pounds. He was pretty small for a farm boy. He had scars on his arms from fixing equipment around the farm.

Gabe is very out going, he sometimes pushes the limits of the rules in place. He will not break the rules unless he thinks it for the greater good of his cause. Gabe is decent looking, however his voice is of a higher pitch. And is often made fun of for it. He usually keeps to himself and minds his own business.

Gabe is the oldest of two, has spent his whole life on the farm. His family had made their living that way for centuries.  He spent his time usually plowing fields or in the gardens he had started, they were turning out better than his last. He should actually have some vegetables to show from it.

It wasn't long until Gabe had a new sister Macy. A few years after she was born she got extremely sick. His mother had to take most of her time taking care of Macy. While helping his father in the fields for most of the day he took to the house when he had a chance to help his mother with work inside. It let his mother take more time with Macy, and also led Gabe to his discovery that would change his life.

One day while cleaning Gabe found a chest hidden in the attic. He blew the dust off of it, choking and coughing as all of the dust flew there the air.  Inside there was some armor that looked weird to him and a white cloak. When he asked his father he sighed and shook his head. "That my son is the attire for the Whitecloaks, an army." Gabe's smile was as wide as can be and his face filled with excitement. Before he could speak ken his father spoke. "I am afraid I must ask you to put this out of your mind, we need you here, your sister needs you here. Gabe, fighting for what's right is what we always taught you, however being in a army... you see and do things no one should have to bear"

His smile faded and then came back "But if she gets better I can join!" And ran off to the house before his dad could speak.

Father: "that boy hears what he wants Half the time... I swear."

As the days went on Gabe learned more from other kids, and the thought of fighting to protect the innocent and the weak. He began telling stories to Macy about the adventures he would have, how he would travel the world and bring her back some piece of it from each city he visited.

Macy: "You're the best big brother ever, just promise me to be safe."

Gabe: "I promise Macy, but you have to promise me to get better. I love you." He laid his head down by her and fell asleep.

As the years went on Macy slowly got better. Gabe seemed to think it was his stories, so every night he made sure to tell her a new one.

Gabe was planning on leaving on his 18th birthday. He been saving for a few years. He had found out the headquarters was in Amador, he planned to ride to the nearest Whitecloaks and if needed he would travel to Amador.

It was three days before his 18th birthday.

Gabe: "I plan to leave soon father to join the Whitecloaks, Macy is a lot better. I want to fight for justice."

Ken (father): "I don't think you are ready,  we will always need your help, your duty is here. That is final." Ken had been in the army, and had gotten discharged because of a injury. He knew it all to well. While it was a honor he did not want to see his only son leave.

The next night Gabe grabbed the white cloak, along with many things he thought he would need for the travel. Before he left he slipped a note under his sisters pillow explaining what he was doing. Gabe said he would fight to the end, and to make sure he would come back to her.

Gabe slipped out of the house before daybreak and left on his journey. He had just enough to make it there...even if he used it all.

[Taymist]

The hair colour needs to be changed, please, before this can be CC'd. He's not an Aiel, more importantly he's not the Dragon. Red hair is very uncommon.

 

A couple of quick points.

 

Be careful of dialogue punctuation. There should be a comma or full stop between narration and speech, not a colon. For example;

 

Ken looked at his son and spoke slowly, "I don't think you're ready."

 

Don't try to shorten or abbreviate your writing. You're telling a story and the person RP'ing with you needs substance to work with and respond to. There wasn't really much in there to tell me why Gabe was so determined to leave his entire family or what he was feeling about everything. It's important to describe motivations so just bear that in mind as you write. Hope to see you fleshing the character out more fully in your initial RP's.

[seph]

Ok I will work on that! I am going to write it again yo try and fix those things. All of this was extremely helpful. I just started rp last week with kronos and mat, so I am still in the learning curve :)

 

I probably won't get around to it until tomorrow it will just depend. My fiancee is really sick so im taking care of her.

Edited April 15, 2015 by seph

[WolfbrotherKronos]

No worries Seph - real life comes first - I'll keep an eye of the CotL email.

[Taymist]

Aww, hope she's better soon then. As Kronos said, real life is way more important so deal with that first.

 

RP is a learning curve. You'll do fine with practice just the same as the rest of us.   As long as the hair colour is changed though I'm happy to approve it so don't feel you have to rewrite the entire bio. Writing skills can be picked up as you go along.

[seph]

Its going to be the same story. I just wanted to go more in depth like you were talking about, and attempt to make it more story like.

ill be changing the hair color to brown I think.