The Princess Bride

[Aiel Heart]

This is mainly for the mafia people who haven't seen it. Those of you who have, if I happen to leave out an important line, just bug me and I'll edit it. Trying to type fast as I watch this.

 

Or you can just go to the online movie script that I found halfway through the movie (mine's shorter and has some movie clips though ;P )

[Aiel Heart]

We open on a boy playing a very old baseball game. On his headboard we can see a what Cheetos bags used to look like.

[Aiel Heart]

His mom comes in and says that his grandfather is here to visit this kid who is apparently sick.

 

And since people will yell at me if I leave this out, the kid says that he hates having his cheeks pinched, and the grandfather always does it. His mom says maybe he won't and the grandfather promptly comes in and pinches the kid's cheek.

[Aiel Heart]

Then the grandfather says that he brought the kid something.

 

The Grandson: A book?

Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.

The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?

Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...

The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.

Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

[Aiel Heart]

He starts reading. Buttercup lived on a farm, and she loved ordering Wesley, whom she called "Farmboy" around

[Aiel Heart]

All he ever said to her was "As you wish"

[Aiel Heart]

Then she realized that when he said that, he was saying "I love you"

 

And she also realized that she loved him back

[Aiel Heart]

Wesley had no money for marriage, so he went to find his fortune elsewhere. Before he left, Buttercup was worried that something would happen to him.

 

Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you.

Buttercup: But how can you be sure?

Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day?

 

(yes I'm cheating on some of these quotes--I don't like having to pause the movie :P )

 

and his ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive.

 

(to which the kid responds "Murdered by pirates is good")

[Aiel Heart]

Buttercup grew very depressed and said she'd never love again

[Aiel Heart]

Five years later, Prince Humperdinck announced that his bride would be the Princess Buttercup.

 

She did not love him, and was consumed by emptiness, but the Prince had the right to choose his bride. He said she'd grow to love him.

 

Her only joy was in her daily ride

[Aiel Heart]

One day, while she was on one such ride, she met three strangers. A short fat bald man (Vizzini), a Spaniard of medium height with shoulder length black hair and a mustache (Inigo Montoya) and a giant man (Fezzik).

 

Vizzini: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?

Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.

Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream.

[Aiel Heart]

Fezzik puts his hand on her and she passes out. Vizzini puts a ripped piece of a Guilderian soldier's uniform on her horse and sends her off.

 

He announces that the prince will suspects the people of Guilder have abducted his love and that when her body is found on the Guilder frontier it will confirm it.

 

Inigo and Fezzik don't like that Buttercup is going to be killed and Vizzini goes bezerk on them

[Aiel Heart]

They get on a small ship and Vizzini waddles off to do something

 

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.

Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.

Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.

Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.

Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.

Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.

Vizzini: Enough of that.

Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?

Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.

Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH.

[Aiel Heart]

Cut to the next scene where it is night and they are sailing in the middle of the sea

[Aiel Heart]

Inigo keeps looking back, and asking if Vizzini is sure no one is following them.

 

He says multiple times that it would be "Inconceivable"

[Aiel Heart]

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?

Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. - Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters...

[Aiel Heart]

Buttercup then jumps off of the boat.

 

Vizzini announces that the shrieking eels are in the water, and are man eaters.

 

The eels start to charge at Buttercup

[Aiel Heart]

Grandpa: She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time

The Grandson: What?

Grandpa: The eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.

The Grandson: I wasn't nervous.

[Grandpa gives him a look]

The Grandson: Maybe I was a little bit "concerned" but that's not the same thing.

[Aiel Heart]

Fezzik was close enough to her by now that he hit the eel away and picked her up out of the water and set her on the deck

[Aiel Heart]

Fade to the next morning. The other boat is very close to them now.

 

Inigo Montoya: He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

 

then Vizzini points out that they have reached the Cliffs of Insanity

[Aiel Heart]

There is a rope hanging down. They attach a harness to Fezzik, Buttercup Vizzini and Inigo are each sitting in a loop, and Fezzik starts climbing up the rope, lifting them along

[Aiel Heart]

A man in black jumps off of the other boat and starts climbing up after them.

 

Vizzini is very upset when the Man in Black starts to gain on them

[Aiel Heart]

As soon as they reach the top, Vizzini cuts the rope.

 

Fezzik: He's got very good arms

Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

[Aiel Heart]

Vizzini orders Inigo to wait for the Man in Black to come, and to kill him if he reaches the top alive. Then Vizzini leaves with Fezzik and Buttercup

[Aiel Heart]

Inigo is very impatient about having to wait

 

Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?

Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.

Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.

Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.