Honeymoon

[reyler]

*he is sideswiped by a passing motorboat*

[Barmacral]

*the propeller destroys the side of the garbage can, barm escapes*

[reyler]

*only to be dragged to the bottom of the river by the undertow and trapped there by weeds*

[Barmacral]

*but the government created a dam which made the river flow go low enough for me to escape*

[reyler]

*the current smashes Barm into the dam, breaking all his bones*

[Barmacral]

*swallows too much water in agony and drowns*

[reyler]

*his carcass sinks to the bottom and becomes a home for eels*

[Barmacral]

*the river dries out, the land becomes a dessert, his bones get buried in sand and become petrified*

[reyler]

*thirty million years later dolphins have become the dominant species on the planet*

 

*dolphin-man digs up Barm's fossilized husk*

 

*dolphin-man grinds Barm's bones into a powder and smokes him*

 

*dolphin-man trips out*

[Barmacral]

*is smoke on the wind... fades away into nothingness*

[reyler]

*meanwhile, Midget boinked a squirrel*

 

Hm, doesn't have the same effect it did nine years ago  :-\

[Barmacral]

Well, 9 years is just a little time passed...

[reyler]

Plus when I originally said that, the word wasn't "boinked", and nobody here knows who Midget is.

[Barmacral]

I assumed you just meant a random midget.

[reyler]

Nah, Midget was a member of my little social circle of losers back in high school. We called him that because, of course, he was like six inches shorter than any of the rest of us, although he did make it up to second-shortest by graduation.

[Barmacral]

I can't even call that an obscure reference, since there's no way we'd ever get it without explanation. I have a friend who's short like that too. He's a lot stockier than me though, and would probably be able to beat me up if I called him that.

[reyler]

Yeah, that definitely didn't apply to Midget. You could use him as a pipe cleaner.

[Barmacral]

Ahh, I know an entire family of those.

[reyler]

In September of my junior year I brought in a little tape recorder and recorded our lunch session. I wonder if it would have been even more amusing if they hadn't known about it.

[Barmacral]

Oh, probably. They were likely forcing things a bit because they knew about it.

[reyler]

Although I did get some nice moments like Midget, Nick, and Derick performing that Lords of Acid song whose title I probably shouldn't say on here.

[Barmacral]

Another song I don't know I'm afraid.

[reyler]

I don't listen to Lords of Acid, and I had never even heard of them before that, but after that I downloaded the song and just kind of stared at nothing for couple of minutes in mild disbelief.

[Barmacral]

Heh. Sounds intriguing.

[reyler]

The track is called P***y, and I think you can figure out the rest of it.