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Alin Awards: Darkest Deeds


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Alright everyone, I want you to take a moment and use your imagination. I'd tell you to close your eyes, but then you couldn't read this and would have no idea as to what you should imagine. Kinda defeats the purpose really.


Imagine a fluffy white bunny hopping around in the forest full of brightly coloured flowers, with butterfly's in the area, some blue birds singing, and a beautiful doe munching on some grass.


Now imagine that bunny squealing in terror as a dart stabs it in the butt, and the manical laughter of an evil horrible person wandering in and setting fires to the tree's, killing the animals, or just torturing them because they can.


Now imagine that person getting an award for being so sadistic, cause guess what! You don't need to imagine that any longer. Our current award will be for the character who's completed the Darkest Deeds in the past year. Now lets all welcome the almostasfineasme Emperor to the stage to give you the nominations, and if you'll excuse me, I need to change out of this tutu... it doesn't fit very well.

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I was wondering where my tutu went off too.  I hope you washed it before you wore it.... I like the feel of it against my naked skin.  Mmmm... so nice....


Hold on I need to change...  I like my outfits to mimic the category....


*gets into a speedo behind the changing screen*


There much better.


What did you say Barm... did I drop something?  *eg*


Don't worry... I will get to the nominations now instead of filling your head with images that will haunt your memory forever....


The nominees are:


Cari & Demus - Where Is Your Father: Who is worse, the person teaching torturing or the person willingly learning?



Demus - A Blast from the Past: Torturing your teacher is bad, right?



Drak - The Dreadlord who loved me: 'I suppose Drak sleeping with a CoL person counts.' - quote from the nominator



Ja'varan - White and Black: Forsaken are evil. Well, duh. They are also crafty torturers.



M'bela - Dark Dreams: Pain in Dreamworld is very real and this Dreadlady is an expert.



Talon - Silence of the Lambs: Killing innocent children to get at their mother is never nice business.



Talon - The Fall of Pride and Wrath: Talon lays some serious hurt on his foster brother








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Actually Empy, you know what? I'll have Arette pick up that pen you dropped, you don't need to worry about taking the effort to do so yourself... really, I insist, in fact, why don't you go backstage and get a nice refreshing drink. We'll take care of the pen. Seriously. Yes, I promise, no, I won't forget, its alright, its a pen, pens can handle waiting a little longer. JUST GO!

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Talk about building up suspense.  Well until Arette gets back how about some interpretive dance routines I made up in front of my mirror last night.


The first is to the song Milkshake by Kelis.  That's right... my milkshake makes all the boys come around... Ding! *dances*


Ok Barm is giving me that look.  Arette will be here shortly.

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*rushes to the stage dramatically late in a never-before-seen bright red dress crowned by a feather boa*


"You should never hurry a lady. You know how long it takes us to prepare. And Empy! Argh, my eyes! It hurts. No more milkshake for you."


"And what was that about me picking up a pencil?" *eyes Barm with suspicion* "I am not wearing a mini skirt and we are so not playing prisoner and soap bar game again. Not this public anyway."


"Ahem, but there was something, I was supposed to do." *pulls out a letter and opens it carefully*


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the name of the winner here. I'm sure that you all really want to hear it. But how much do you want it? Would you be willing to brush Owen's pet trolloc Kneecap Handicapper? Or slip on a pink tutu and join Empy's dance at the backstage?"


"I am a Lightfool myself so I will soon get charges of torture and crimes against humanity. But I just have to tell you a little story first. A story about a little boy who grew up to be very wicked indeed. It is even related to the topic as it is the story of our winner."


"Once upon a time in Cairhien there was a family that wasn't a very happy family. Rough upbringing can twist even the most hopeful heart and the boy of the family turned to the Dark One. He was taken under a wing by a notable scoundrel and taught the craft of a rogue. Over the years he honed his sadism and Dreamwalking skills."


"When the Aiel returned to Cairhien, he was there to rain death on them from the shadows. The man who had become a father to the boy was dead by the hands of the chief of the savages and he thirsted for revenge. His brother had his chance and he squandered it and the rest of the family in the Rogue's Guild did not lift a finger either. They all had to die for that."


"An eye for an eye was his motto and the Dreamworld his domain. He didn't tolerate an untrained witch sniffing around and when another came to her rescue, she had to pay. That is the story that you elected the darkest this year. How her children paid the price of mother's 'sins'.


"So who is this dark figure who got, not only one, but two nominations?"
















*drumdroll* "The Darkest Deed of 2007 is the Silence of the Lambs starred by Talon."


"Sadly the player of Talon whose-name-cannot-be-mentioned is unable to come and claim his Award in person. Evil radiation from Shayol Ghul also prevents us from showing the video of his thank you speech."


"But show must go on, so stay tuned for the next exciting Awards. We will continue after a commerce break."


*screens flash to life with ad of TravelEx, Randland's fastest courier service, powered by Saidin*

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