Insane stories from your parents

[JenniferL]

My great grandparents were farmers in rural Virginia. When my dad was a kid, he'd go visit them on holidays.  Apparently, Grandpa Hoover raised turkeys on his farm. My dad used to tell me that when he'd visit, his job on the farm was to catch the young turkeys and insert the little pop up button that tells you they are done. According my dad, this had to be done when the turkeys were still young and tender.

 

I believed this until I was ten.

 

What blatant lies have your parents tried to foist off on you?

[bcxanth]

I can't remember anything in particular from my parents right now, but for years I had my baby sister totally convinced that we got her as a blue light special from K Mart. :D

[Guest nephitess]

My mom used to tell me that i'd get spider eggs in my stomache if i drank from the tape. LOL

[Guest Far Dareis Mai]

My grandfather loved to tell us stuff, and we hung on every word as gospel.

 

Hmmm...here are a few that really stick out in my head:

 

He told us when we were young that when he was our age they didn't have gum, so they chewed on tar and tree sap instead. My brothers and I went out after tar was freshly layed down in some cracks in the road and decided to try it out for ourselves...we got sooo sick. And it was gross. The tree sap too. Not good.

 

He also told us that if we bit our fingernails, it would make our teeth crooked...and to this day I still won't bite my nails.

 

Eating watermelon seeds would cause us to grow them in our bellies...

 

If our rooms weren't perfectly clean on Christmas Eve, Santa wouldn't bring any gifts--no matter how well behaved we were throughout the year.

 

He told us that when our fingers began to raisin we had to get out of the tub otherwise we'd start growing scales and would have to live in the sea.

 

Yeah...he was a piece of work, lol!

 

 

[Sorandha]

I have a variation on the "chewing your fingernails" part, but it wasn't from my parents. It's from the elderly neighbor from my childhood home. He used to tell me that if you began chewing your fingernails, through time you'd eventually chew your fingertips off. Scared me half to death, too, because he was missing a finger tip on his left ring finger  :D

 

And one from my friends when I was little: don't swallow gum, it'll stay in your stomach for 7 years.

[Vemynal]

well not your stomach but its very likely in your appendix somewhere.

 

since there are so many I'll just name the best ones:

 

Dad- that the scar on his leg was from when he was bitten by a lion (and yes, he actually tricked my mother with that when they were dating. shows you why I'm gullible)

 

Mom- That if I didn't behave on road trips they would leave me on the side of the road

 

Uncle- That if I could wrestle a calf (baby cow, like these things are tiny) he'd buy me a beer (I was 17 when I finally did it and no beer came of it!)

 

Grandpa (moms side)- That little boys who stayed up all night became owls forever and ever

 

grandpa (fathers side)- that my hearing would be fine after hunting with out ear plugs (my dad hears a constant ringing now and I can't understand people when they mumble thank god thats as bad as it got)

[Niamh Sedai]

I asked my Mum how when I was born, they knew that I was their baby. Mum convinced me that I had a tattoo in my Belly Button saying "Property of (Insert Names here)". The real clincher came when she caught me bent over trying to look in my belly button for the tattoo. Parents  ::)

[Thorum]

I was told the gum-thing as well, but it is ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE. Gum is taken up as quickly as spaghetti, cola or apples. Sorry to prick through your illusions.

 

What I was told (the ones that come to mind immediately)?

 

If you don't eat your plate, some little monster will.

 

If you don't brush your teeth at least twice a day, they'll drop off.

 

If you eat more than a VERY little bit of candy, you'll weigh 100 kg in no time.

 

And, the worst of all: you have to keep your money for later. Where's the fun in that?

[Tigersfs]

Can't remember things that my parents said but I use this on my daughter. Her name is Harli and she was born on July 4th.

 

On her birthday whenever they shoot off the fireworks I say "Look honey. Look what they are doing for your birthday." She's 7 so I think she's going to catch on real soon.

[Naeann]

My parents told my little brother that they forgot to pay for him so he had to be extra good or they'd find him and take him back.

 

 

That's the main one I remember...

[Loreina]

My husband keeps telling my daughter that we found her in the dumpster. It started one day when she was about seven and thought she was sooo much smarter than her parents. She got mad about something she didn't like about her hair I forget what, but she blamed it on being "like him". He said he wasn't responsible, 'cause she was found in a dumpster. She believed him for as long as it took her to look over at my laughing face. After that it became the family joke, because they are sooo alike.

[Taya]

My mum told me Father Christmas existed :P I was doubting, but then I realised he really did exist when I got a My Child doll for Christmas. I told mum, "Now I know Father Christmas exists 'cause you would never have got me this!"

 

Seriously though... My parents didn't really tell me anything of that sort :P They mostly let me find out for myself.

 

My mum always used to say "I'll tell you when you're eighteen". I wish I had kept a list of all the things she was meant to tell me!

[JenniferL]

This isn't exactly an insane story, because my mother was telling me the truth as she sees it. But when I was about eight or so, I asked her why the Bible contradicted what I was learning in school about evolution and geology and all that. She said "God is just something people made up to make themselves feel better about themselves. They still want a parent to take care of them when they are adults, so they invented a magic parent that no one can see."

 

Strangely, I had no idea this was an odd thing to say to a child until I was an adult and I mentioned it to a friend of mine. He was completely horrified.

[Taya]

Haha. I wouldn't be horrified (still am not). I'm impressed, and I like your mum! ;)