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ATC: How not to be seen.

Guest Sammael


Any of The Chosen can answer, which ever knows best.

I am in Cross Country at my High School, and some days when coach is not there, there is a group of guys that always run off to a "spot" and stay there the entire run. I have tried to follow them but have failed. I want to know tips on how to be sneaky and go unnoticed, like the Aiel. I want to catch them at their "spot" May I have some tips on this??

Unnamed Nerd,


I suggest theft and underage smoking. Steal a pack of cigarettes from the uncle your mom doesn't particularly like. Next time your coach misses practice, Light up in view of the people who sneak off, then walk over to them. They'll either let you tag along for the sex and drugs that they are surely abusing, or they'll look at you like you're an idiot.


A tip for not looking like an idiot: Learn how to smoke cigarettes before trying to smoke them in front of others. Hacking up half a lung isn't impressive.


If you decide not to heed my excellent advice on instant popularity, you should stop caring what the other tweens are doing and do your damn run. No one likes a Narc.


If it were me, I'd finish the run then balefire them. I'd get a great workout and they'd be dead.




PS - Good choice on your sport. Team sports and Evil don't mix. Refer to Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett and his excellent use of the Director of Postmortem Communications for more information.

Dear social outcast,


It is my esteemed opinion that you should simply disregard the acts of of the other men on your team. They are sneaking off to a "spot" and staying there for the duration of the run, likely engaging in some type of illicit activity. Do you really want to be a part of that sausage-fest?


I didn't think so...


You are on the team for cross country running. Don't be a sissy and hideout for the run. Do what you signed on for. Run!


If it were the military you'd signed up for and some jackasses tried pulling that stunt during a run they would get their no-order-following asses beat! So, take the high road. When the coach isn't around, beat those lazy bastards black and blue, then carry on with your run.





P.S - Smack those wussies once for me too!

Dear MB


Sell your soul to the Great Lord of the Dark. You can become a Gray Man. There's nothing sneakier than a Gray Man. Plus, you'll be an instant hit with all the Gray Chicks.



Being practically helpful

Dear Anonymous,


I quite understand you not wanting to run around a track getting all hot and bothered. Can't you bribe someone to take your place? Or bribe those you want to follow?


If needs be dress as sexy as you can and either try and influence your coach to turn a blind eye, or convince your soon-to-be buddies to welcome you into their open.. er... arms.


~ Graendal

Dear Running Man,


I'm afraid that stealth is not one of my strong points. However, I may be able to offer a suggestion that would hide the clumsy, stumbling racket you apparently cause while trying your best to be sneaky while apparently rolling 1's on your Stealth checks: set the forest on fire. I assure you, the miscreants in question will not notice your approach. On top of that, you will be aiding us in our endeavor to give the hippies a real reason to gripe about global warming. Melt those ice caps, baby!



Dear would-be fast one,


I cannot believe I'm about to do this, but I'm going to agree with Semi. The Lord of the Dark is a really good friend to folks like you and you could be one of my Children with just a little push. Then you won't have to care what the other kids are doing and they'll wonder what you are doing, instead. To which I would simply advise you to flay them verbally each time you see them in public.


See you in class soon!


Dear Not Cool Enough,


Obviously, for those other guys to run away from you and hide, there is something deeply wrong with you. If I were you, I'd dig my little weirdo heels into the dirt and run myself straight off the nearest cliff.


Keeping it real,




Don't listen to Moghedien, she just doesn't want anyone else to steal her crown of hiding queen. Come to my mansion at Shayol Ghul. I'll fix you up so that you can stalk anyone, anywhere, anytime for no reason at all. I have an opening in my schedule next monday. Be there. Or, you know, I can send one of my Myrdraal's to come get ya'.



Excited about this brand new experiment that will start on Monday

Dear Lame One,


You would choose to be like these so-called Aiel? As such, you are truly a pathetic creature, not deserving of my advice.





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