* flinches in remembrance of that discomfort *

Good thing it's only pretend.

* can't think of a brilliant come back *

* goes into a corner to pout *

* chuckles *

Uncle Buck !!!

* chuckles again *

* casts a brilliant light so that none should fear the darkness of night *

GrandpaG is a clutz.

* gets ejected from the duck's innards encased in a cozy layer of fertilizer *

* nestles into some warm, moist nutritious soil *

* is dissolved slowly by earth worms *

* grows into a mighty oak tree *

* casts shade on all who pass beneath his branches *

As a young man I dreamed of becoming a motorcycle shop owner/operator. My winter job was to have a second store down under. Fly back and forth as the weather changed. That dream met the same fate as the one where wifey and I took turns driving our semi tractor/trailer with a sleeper cab cross-country. No house payment. Get it paid for then rake in the cash. Along came the kids. They had to have a home in a home town. Away went the dreams. Oh. And it would have taken money to get either of those dreams going. We didn't have much of that, either. Looking back, either dream could have gotten boring in a heartbeat. I don't regret those unanswered prayers.

Speaking of dreams, it's almost time for the one where I'm hunting in a slightly populated area of some sort where there are mostly trees with an occasional house in view. A huge herd of deer come running down the trail. Most are does but every so often I see a buck with antlers like a caribou. Of course, every time he is where I can get a shot there is a house in the background so I don't dare shoot in case I miss. There might be kids playing out doors. Now THAT would be something to see nowadays! Anyway, the buck is finally in a shooting lane with nothing in the background so I pull up my gun, aim, and pull the trigger. CLICK!!! OOOoooopppsss!!! Forgot to load in the shells !!! CRAP !!! The deer will soon be out of range or in the brush again !!! CRAP !!! Struggling to get gloves off then can't get the shells to go into the breech because of shivering. CRAP !!! Looking up, the deer is getting back amongst the houses. The herd is moving along. The antlers are joined by many more sets of antlers. All are out of range but easy to see. CRAP !!! Wake up strangling the pillow.

I haven't hunted for several years because I don't handle the cold well and I got tired to spending long hours hunting without seeing so much as a tail flashing away from me in the brush. But, sometimes I still have that same stupid dream.

I didn't mean to ruffle your imaginary feathers... I was only playing.

As usual, my intent was misread... happens to me all the time in that other world... nobody but me knows how nice of a guy I really am... I think I come across to them as being serious when I usually am not.

* gives reyler a friendly decapitation as an apology *

* stab *

* shivers *

Just seems like yesterday... we need to use all of that heat to warm up some sweat tent rocks then bury them until it gets cold then dig them up so the heat isn't wasted and the cold is not so cold.

OR

We could all Travel to visit Bad Company... it should be just starting to warm up down under.

That's the beauty of Fiddlesticks, my dear... it's not real !!!

* watches reyler as the revelation sinks in *

* her face turns red then green *

* she starts to weave as if she'll fall over *

* her lips move as she whispers "it's not real" to herself *

* her eyes close and she slumps into a heap on the floor *

* she's out colder than a mackerel *

Speaking of mackerel, where the heck has the Bar Mackerel gone?

* catches snowflakes on his tongue *

* some melt on his cheeks *

* sighs *

Winter is here already.

Oh, well.

At least it's not 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity any more !

After jumping through all of the hoops to finally be able to type a reply I forgot what I was going to say.

Oh, yeah... got tossed into the deepest part of the ocean... need to dream up an elaborate escape.

* fills his bowel with as much Gwampy gas as possible *

* lets it exhaust slowly so he doesn't get the bends as he ascends to the surface *

* breaks free into the waves *

* takes a deep breath of fresh salt air *

* coughs *

* tries to calculate how many seconds it took him to make that ascent while holding his breath *

* eyes bug out (not even gonna try the smiley) *

* lets out the last of his reserve of gas to propel himself to a nearby desert island *

* crawls up onto the beach *

* waits for a rescue *

* looks around to see if there are any wild beans growing on this island *

Never, my queen.

* gets down to one knee and gives the Fiddlesticks salute *

* farts *

* blushes *

* tries not to LOL *

* pulls out the prod and checks for boogers *

* gives it his Yukon Cornelius lick *

NOTHIN' !!!

* tosses it to one side *

* gets light headed from the loss of blood flowing from his unplugged nostril *

* tries to remember where he stashed clone #8 *

Looks like I might need the little guy for a transfusion if this bleeding doesn't stop soon !

* gets an idea *

* light bulb appears above his head *

* light comes on *

* he grins and grabs the cattle prod and plugs the leaky nostril *

* blood flow stops *

AAAAHHHHHhhhhh... that's better.

I have seven out of ten dead clones to attest to the statement of the person above me.

Gwampy is far from one dimensional.

I fart, yes.

I also juggle.

I throw knives.

I shoot the long bow.

I do the Gwampy dance.

I use the One Power to form gateways.

I eat burnt trolloc that tastes like chicken.

I let Wolfkin pups lick my face even though they have puppy breath.

I chase the COL bus as it is leaving me in it's dust.

I make up all sorts of stories and share them with my fantasy friends.

I am even active in the world of politics.

Do I fart?

Yes.

But, I am NOT one dimensional.

I'm more like an onion.

Many layers and stinky.

I could probably make you cry if I really put my mind to it.

But, I won't if I can help it because I would rather make people smile.

And farts have a way of making people smile.

I am also very long winded.

And I like it when the smileys are working.

In my younger days it was a passing fad to shoot the moon out your car window while driving down the main street of town. The object of the game was to not get into any trouble doing it. Usually the only people who got into any trouble were the ones with really recognizable cars and ugly moons.

I have gained some butt since I first posted in this thread.

Kind of like interest in a bank account... maybe... well sort of... uuuummmm... not really, I guess.

* shows his butt to it's owner *

In the old days we used to call this "shooting the moon".

* grin *

I never LOL.

Well... almost never.

Maybe sometimes... but seldom.

I did a few days ago but I don't remember why.

* tries to remember but can't *

* not really sure if it was a LOL or just a gut chuckle *

* shrugs *

edit:

I quite often FOL.

(Fart Out Loud).

I know for a fact that I did that just today.

My wife commented that we had beans for supper last night.

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

But, that was not the LOL incident that a can't remember.

Usually, yes.

I'm also too old to stay up late... busy day Monday... night, night... sleep tight... don't let the bed bugs bite.

I had no clue of what reyler was referring to but her word sparked by interest and I just had to find out what she was talking about. Total abstention from Google is my safe mode. Not that I mind learning new things, you understand. It's just that I am getting too old to be blushing.

Voting for elected officials and proposals is not difficult but I am so sick of the endless bombardment of political ads that I could just heave. I really do understand why so many people choose to stay home instead of wasting their time voting.

That's really sad, you know?

Our political system is supposed to be the best in the world. We should be informed. We should look forward to participating. Our leaders have turned the whole process into one huge joke. Sorry for being so blunt but that's the truth as I see it. Because I live in the best nation in the world I'm allowed to express my opinion. Which doesn't buy me immunity from having reyler cut off some body part in retaliation as is her right.

The last time that I used Google to find out what I mistook for a term from Biology I ended up blushing... lesson learned.

I've never voted... don't know how... don't remember signing a voter registration form... don't want to, either... voting is a waste of time.

* double checks what thread he's in *

Yup.

Voting is a waste of time.

* hopes none of his write in followers read that *

* wrinkles his forehead *

* shakes his head and crosses his eyes *

* puckers then unpuckers several times *

* does his favorite Tim Allen impression *

Huh?

* doesn't really expect a detailed explanation *