Crossroads of Choices (attn. Kathleen Sedai)

[Elessar]

.. Rose of the Sun: The Fall of Manetheren ..

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Elessar lay silently in the darkness of his room, dawn still a few hours away, lost in a world of poetry and stories.

For as long as he could remember he had been fascinated by history, stories, songs and poetry. He had enjoyed writing some poems as well, though in recent years his attempts had been few and far between. Rather he had taken every opportunity to listen to songs and stories by gleemen in Inns on their journeys and reading poetry in books he carried with him or which he borrowed. Elessar, moreover, had a very good memory and some poems and songs stayed in his mind.

One such was the story of ‘The Fall of Manetheren’. It was called ‘Rose of the Sun’, with author unknown, an old heroic and sad story about the ancient nation called Manetheren, in what was now a region of Western Andor, and its legendary Aes Sedai Queen Eldrene (the ‘Rose of the Sun’) who led them in their valiant fight against the Shadow. Not all historians considered it authentic material, but whether fact or myth, or a mix of the two, it was a great story, Elessar thought.

The words came to mind, like pictures from a lost book, and he lost himself in the dramatic, powerful - and above all tragic - story of brave Manetheren and its fall..

 

●

Rose of the Sun: The Fall of Manetheren

“Carrai an Ellisande!” For the honour of the Rose of the Sun!
The Shield against the darkness, the Hammer weight to Stun.
The Sword that could not be broken. Was shattered in the End.
As valiant Manetheren, no longer could Defend.

Brave fighters of the land. Fought with pride and with Heart.
Under Red Eagle banner, they resisted Shadow’s Start.
Until Mountain Home was taken. Noone came to their Aid.
Weep for Manetheren!, all their allies were Afraid.

King Aemon and his men ran to aid from Field of Blood.
Countless miles they covered, daring river huge and Flood.
Slaughtered beasts of Shadow. Crying battle cries of Might.
“Carrai an Ellisande!” echoed everywhere in Sight.

Brave warriors, brave King! They fell to Darkness’ Yoke.
When Aemon husband died, Queen Eldrene’s heart Broke.
Woe to the Shadow! With anger, grief and Pain.
An Aes Sedai of might, she struck out like Insane.

She filled herself to bursting. The Power oh so Sweet!
The Sa’angreal beside her, glowed brightly with its Heat.
She was an awesome figure. Her arms she lifted High.
And then she threw her Balefire and Storms of Lightening Nigh!

A harbinger of death. She destroyed the Shadowspawn.
The messengers of Darkness disappeared from Battle’s Lawn.
But her body came on fire. Flames of Saidar burned her Soul.
In her agony she cried out, for Manetheren, her Goal!

The destruction levelled all. Old Manetheren was Dead.
The Rose of the Sun, she was gone, it was Said.
But she would live forever. In many people’s Hearts.
And Manetheren’s bravery, is eternal in its Parts.

Oh Ellisande! Greatest Queen, we won’t Forget!
Your fight against the Shadow and the death you Met.
Mourn for Manetheren! The bravest place of All.
Honour to the Mountain Home! Your enemies shall Fall.

●

It was past dawn when Elessar went through the sword-forms in the Warder’s Yard. The poetry of earlier was gone from his mind and all his focus was now turned to his forms. He went through the motions with surity and elegance, again and again, and it was almost like a dance.

Unfolding the Fan, the opening move, which flowed into Low Wind Rising, a diagonal slash which began low and rose cleanly, followed by The Boar Rushes Down the Mountain, a vertical slash starting high and which in this case altered course in midswing, paired with Tower of Morning, a verticle slash but this time beginning low and ending high.

In the Void he felt complete calmness and truly felt one with his sword.

He flowed with the motions.

The Falling Leaf and then straight into The River Undercuts the Bank.

For quite some time he moved from one form into the next, until at last he ended the session with Folding the Fan, sheathing his blade. The sword was smoothly swung around from guard stance and sheathed, all in one motion. He breathed a little heavily, but that was to be expected after this exertion. He nodded to himself, pleased with the workout.

Returning to his room, he washed and clothed himself. Carys had left early for the Infirmary; he could feel her presence in the back of his head. The thought of her made him sigh with worry over her constantly long hours. He also felt a growing frustration inside him over his long-term inactivity in the Tower. His weakness when it came to his duty shamed him and he had to work hard to keep his emotions in check from his bondholder. This day he had agreed to accept the invitation given by Kathleen Sedai at that chance meeting in the Warder’s Yard. He was to meet her and her Warder in her room in the Green halls in the Tower later that day and he was looking forward to talking with them both. It would also be good for him to get away from his daily routine - and his personal frustrations - if only for a little while.

At midday Elessar, wearing the colour-shifting cloak of the Gaidin, entered the White Tower. He respectfully saluted the Sisters he passed on his way to the Green Ajah section of the Tower. He received some unreadable looks from some but did not mind. Once he reached the Green quarters his eyes lit up slightly and he walked up to Kathleen Sedai’s room - he had been given directions - and knocked on her door. It was immediately opened by her Warder, who shook hands with Elessar, and he was ushered in. Inside he gave a warder’s salute and respectful nod to Kathleen Sedai before seating himself in the offered chair.

“Thank you again for inviting me”, he said with a smile, putting all his worries and frustrations aside for a moment. “I have always felt at home in this part of the Tower.”
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

Kathleen sat in her favourite wing chair staring, over the top of the book in her hand, at her warder in the chair across from her. He was supposedly reading too, but Kathleen hadn't seen him turn a page in the whole time she had been staring at him. She knew his mind was elsewhere and his eyes deliberately glued to the page he had open on, simply so he wouldn't have to tell her what he was thinking. 

 

She could feel her impatience rising, but she couldn't rush him. He had a choice to make and it would come in his own time. Besides, she thought she knew the answer she would get and it wasn't one she wanted to face. The longer he held out the longer she wouldn't have to face it. Still, waiting was never something she found easy and when she was waiting on someone else to choose her future it was that much harder. 

 

She had to do something, but she would not rush him. Besides, it wasn't as if he couldn't sense her growing emotion. She reached for saidar to calm her. She let her frustration out with a weave of fire and air to light the wood Nev had already stacked in the fire place on the wall between them. She could feel the surprise surge momentarily through the bond, but the warder didn't blink an eye at the sudden burst of fire.

 

Kathleen kept the glass face she had practiced for decades, but she let her amusement at having startled him reach him through the bond.  It may have been petty but he was keeping her in an emotional state she didn't like, and she would pay him back in kind as much as she could until he decided to share his thoughts. 

 

She settled back, setting her own book aside on the square table in front of the fire. She would not stoop to his childish level of pretending to do something just to avoid an opening for conversation. After only a moment of sitting idle she rose and made he way to the desk, on the wall opposite where they sat, just to double check she hadn't left anything out which shouldn't be left laying around. She had already tidied up, and she never let anything stay out of its place long, but she had a habit of double checking far more often that she ever needed.

 

Before she could get anymore stir crazy a knock came to the door and finally her warder seemed to fill with life again. He set his book aside and went to answer the door. He ushered in the expected warder Elessar in. Kathleen drew the soft cushioned chair from her desk out and turned it to face the fire and motioned for the guest to use it if he wished.

 

"Thank you for taking the offer up, most do not, and its quiet a shame. I do so enjoy company and it seems a rare find around the White Tower. Would you like some tea? I'm afraid I have nothing to eat with it just now, but I could send down for something if you'd like?" Kathleen made her way as she spoke to the tea station she kept on the wall beside her inner door, and Nevel took his seat again by the fire after their guest had sat. 

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

 

 OOC: Horrible attempt at room layout for you... the chairs are more on an angle.. I tried to get it across in the writing, but I'm sure it wasn't clear so I tried this haha.

 chair

         ]          '--tea--'              | inner door |    __

f}     ___                                       |   |

i}      [___]    ] desk chair                     desk |__|

r}      Table                     

e        ]          [books/shelf]    | front door |

     chair

 

[Elessar]

.. From the White Tower to Arafel ..

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OOC: Great ‘room layout drawing’! ;-)

IC: It had always been a question of choices.

Some choices he had made himself, others had been made for him.

But they had all been choices - with consequences.

Making the important choice, at a young age, to travel from the Borderlands to Tar Valon to become a Warder. Meeting Leandreen of the Battle Ajah a short while after being raised to Tower Guard, subsequently becoming her bonded Gaidin. Being bonded by Carrain of the Yellow, years later, to save him from throwing his life away in a mad quest into the Blight to destroy the Shadow, after Leandreen was killed. And in more recent memory, after Carrain’s death, being bonded by another Yellow, Carys Demot, to save his life when mortally wounded on a mission for the Tower.

He did not regret any of the choices he had made, or that had been made for him, but his journey as a Warder and a bonded Gaidin had been long and hard - and after his perceived failures in his Warder duty, and his temporary lapses of insanity, his arduous path toward redemption had been almost endless.
 

●

Elessar had thought much recently on his many years as a Warder in service, had reflected on his duty and on his perceived weaknesses as an Aes Sedai protector, and had in some ways come to terms with himself. His frustrations concerning his current situation and how he felt ‘bottled up in the Tower’ was quite another matter, however. He put them aside in his mind, though, after his opening remarks to the hostess, focusing on Kathleen Sedai’s reply.

“Thank you for taking the offer up”, she said, “most do not, and its quite a shame. I do so enjoy company and it seems a rare find around the White Tower. Would you like some tea? I'm afraid I have nothing to eat with it just now, but I could send down for something if you'd like?"

Kathleen made her way as she spoke to the tea station she kept on the wall beside her inner door, and Nevuel took his seat again by the fire after their guest had sat.

“Tea would be nice, thank you”. He replied. “No need for something to eat on my account, unless you wish something for yourselves”, he added politely.

The soft cushioned chair he had been offered was very comfortable. Looking around the chamber, Elessar noted - with a Warder’s keen eye for detail - the fireplace and all the furniture and how they were all arranged around the room; the table, the desk, the chairs, the tea station on the wall beside the inner door, the shelf, and, not the least, the books he saw there and the ones beside the Sedai, on the square table in front of the fire, and the Warder. Books always made his eyes light up a little and this was no exception.

A room says much about its owner, some person of note had once said. And there was some truth in that, Elessar thought. All his bondholders’s rooms had been somewhat different, each decorated - and kept - according to one’s personal taste and want. He recalled well Leandreen’s heavily decorated room in this part of the Tower, and also Carrain’s room in the Yellow quarters which had been sparse - almost empty - in contrast. The two women had been very different too, in many ways, despite their shared loyalty and service to the White Tower.

Shifting his gaze back to Kathleen and her Warder, he said after a moment’s silence, “Glad to come. I needed a little change in my daily routine and looked forward to your company.”

He met the other Warder’s eyes and nodded respectfully, Gaidin to Gaidin. “I am Elessar, Brother.” He said. “I hear you are a fellow Borderlander like myself. From Arafel?”
 

●

Elessar knew some of Arafel’s history - and customs - through books. One such history book had, he recalled, noted:

The nation of Arafel, whose flag is made up of three white roses on a field of red, quartered with three red roses on a field of white, was formed early in the War of the Hundred Years (a devastating series of overlapping wars among constantly shifting alliances that erupted in the wake of the death of the High King, Artur Paendrag Tanreall or Artur Hawkwing as he was better known). The governors of Hawkwing’s five northern provinces met and agreed to form stable nations to preserve the peace and defend against the Blight. Mahira Svetanya was, according to historical records, the first Queen of Arafel..

She seized power - and held onto it, he thought to himself. And thus are nations made.

Arafellins were, according to some southerners, known to be a fiery people with ‘strange ideas’ about honour and debts. It was not uncommon for an Arafellin to ask for punishment as a means of restoring their honour.

Honour is important to a Borderlander. Elessar thought. Sometimes honour is all there is.

As he met the other man’s eyes, seeing part of himself reflected there, he wondered how much of the man’s Arafellin origin still remained after his many years of service to the White Tower.
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

Kathleen tried not to listen in as her guest addressed her warder, but the room was small, and she knew it wouldn't have been a private discussion the man was expecting in the presence of an Aes Sedai. It was rare enough to fully be open with a serving maid in the room, let alone a Servant of All. Not that Kathleen was often spreading gossip, but the there was some truth in the notions of the public that the Aes Sedai's ears heard all. 

 

When the topic turned from pleasantries to talk of her warder's home town Kathleen had to use every ounce of her training in restraint to hold of her flair of emotion from coming across in the bond, and from keeping her hand steady as she poured the tea. This was exactly the topic she and her warder had been pretending they weren't thinking about for days. And here this poor innocent man was putting his foot right in it! 

 

"I came from Arafel, yes, many years ago now." Nevuel's voice was casual, but Kathleen could tell he choose his words deliberately, sending her a message. He would not say he was not a Borderlander, that was not something you just stop being, no matter how long you have been away from the borders, no matter whatever other duties you may take on, nor no matter how at home you may feel elsewhere. He was a Borderlander, born and bred. 

 

Kathleen brought Elessar's tea to him and Neveul rose to retrieve the cup she had poured for him. "Borderlanders do make good stock in the Tower Guard, when we can convince you come of course. Though I think I have noticed an influx in that area lately, but I could just be training my eye to look for the signs."  As Nev returned to his seat he handed Kathleen her tea and she sat back in own wing chair. "Which are from Elessar? I apologize is if you had told me previously, but it has slipped my mind." Kathleen sipped at her tea as he replied.

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Green Aes Sedai

[Elessar]

.. A Conversation that speaks Volumes ..

►▼◄

There was something in Nevuel Gaidin’s voice when he replied that he came from Arafel, that Elessar noted but could not quite pin-point, but he did not give it much thought. Warders did, after all, often have a special - sometimes a bit awkward or difficult - bond or association with their former homelands, having given their full allegiance to their new home, the White Tower. Their heritage always remained part of who they were, however.

Kathleen brought Elessar's tea to him - he nodded his thanks - and Neveul rose to retrieve the cup she had poured for him. Then she spoke. She said that Borderlanders made good stock in the Tower Guard, when they could convince them to come of course. She thought that she had noticed an influx in that area lately, but it could simply be that she was training her eye to look for the signs as it were.
 

●

As Neveul returned to his seat he handed Kathleen her tea and she sat back in her own wing chair. "Which Borderlander nation are you from, Elessar?” She asked, sipping her tea. “ I apologize if you had told me previously, but it has slipped my mind."

“I am from Kandor, Aes Sedai”, Elessar replied in his formal way. “Though Tar Valon and the White Tower has been my home for many years now.”
 

♦

Kandor - and the Kandori - were often described in such a way:

..Kandor, one of the Borderlands, sits between Saldaea in the west and Arafel in the east. North is the Blight. Like neighbouring Arafel, the nation of Kandor was formed early in the War of the Hundred Years. The governors of Artur Hawkwing's five northern provinces met and agreed to form stable nations to preserve the peace and defend against the Blight. Jarel Soukovni, the former Imperial Governor for the Province of Kandor, became the first King of Kandor..

..The government body of Kandor is a monarchy, with the seat of power called the ‘Throne of the Clouds’. The throne is located in the Aesdaishar Palace in the Capital, Chachin, which is situated on the junction of several trade routes, including the cross-Borderland route running from Bandar Eban to Fal Moran and another running south to Tar Valon..

..Kandori are famous merchants, and are said to have strange ideas about debts and repayment. Kandori men are noted for wearing pearl earrings and forked beards. Kandori merchants wear chains across their chests..
 

♦

Elessar spoke of his former homeland, with a historian’s keen eye for detail, and of his early years, thinking they would be interested. “Kandor was home. Kandor was all there was in my life in those early years. I started sword training there at an early age - it was something it turned out I had an aptitude for - and then, when I reached the age of 17, I decided to leave for Tar Valon to join the Warders..”

“It seems like a lifetime ago”, he added with a momentary far-away look.

And what a lifetime it has been, in truth.
 

●

Sipping his tea in silence, he added after a moment, meeting the Aes Sedai’s eyes, “Regarding the influx of Borderlander-trainees, I think you are right, Kathleen Sedai - there seems to be many new Warder-trainees from the Borderlands these days. Borderlanders know their duty, and in this day and age strengthening the White Tower and protecting the Aes Sedai is important.”

Realizing that his words had, perhaps, sounded a bit on the formal side, to lighten the mood a little he exchanged a glance with the other Warder and said:“I bet you too have checked on the new recruits, Neveul” There was a small, mischievous grin on his lips. “What do you think? Are they as hopeless as that pitiful lot they brought in some months ago?”

He spoke the words in jest and hoped the somewhat reserved-seeming Arafellin Gaidin would join in the pleasant banter.
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

Kathleen relaxed in her chair listening to the men chatter. It really was good to let her hair down like this. It wasn't often in the Tower that she felt she could let down her guard of portraying the way an Aes Sedai should be. One could never underestimate the ability of Novices and Accepteds to be where they weren't expected, and word never took long to travel when someone was caught doing or saying something they shouldn't. But here in her rooms, open, care free conversation was not frowned upon and she would soak it up. 

 

She watched as Neveul relaxed his muscles and let a faint smile spread across his face as he spoke, "I should think this new batch may have a chance, so long they don't let those last ones train them just yet. We'd have a whole crop of 'em falling off their horses with their armor on backwards! I don't know where they're getting 'em from. I swear, one guy almost took my head off yesterday when he saw an Accepted walk by. Was like he'd never seen a girl before." He shook his head as he thought over the memory.

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Green Sister

[Elessar]

.. Honour to the ‘Soldier Amyrlin’ ..

►▼◄

"I should think”, Neveul said, “this new batch may have a chance, so long as they don't let those last ones train them just yet. We'd have a whole crop of 'em falling off their horses with their armor on backwards! I don't know where they're getting 'em from. I swear, one guy almost took my head off yesterday when he saw an Accepted walk by. Was like he'd never seen a girl before."

He shook his head as he thought over the memory, and Elessar chuckled, picturing it in his head. “Yup, that sounds like them”. He said. “I’m surprised they haven’t been tossed out of here already. Half of them must have managed to stab themselves in the foot by now.” The two Gaidin shared a knowing grin (though Neveul’s grin was, perhaps, more of a faint smile), enjoying the banter, knowing that the rookies, inexperienced as they were, would soon be set straight by the Mistress of Trainees.

●

Sipping his tea, Elessar’s gaze fell suddenly on one of the books laying on the table. His eyes lit up. “Ah, books.” He said, nodding approvingly. “Books and history, poems and stories have always been a kind of passion of mine.” He looked closer at the cover. “Leandreen especially, my first bondholder, a Green, she wondered at my great interest in stories. She wasn’t simmilarly inclined - she was more the kind to make history in truth”, he said fondly, thinking back.

“I remember some of my favourite poems by heart.” He said. “You have heard the story of the Green Sister, Rashima Kerenmosa, the ‘Soldier Amyrlin’?” He asked. Almost without waiting for an answer, his enthusiasm building, his voice took on a slightly different tone as he began to recite the ancient poem.

 

●

Honour to the ‘Soldier Amyrlin’

Brave Rashima Kerenmosa! Valiant Sister of the Green
The Flame of Tar Valon, boldest Leader ever Seen
A Sister of Battle, she the Shadow fought with Might
In the Trolloc Wars she battled, gave her Life for the Light

A General, a Politician - her Talents were There
She handled situations with Tact and with Care
But as a Military Leader she was Respected by All
She led the Ten Nations through Fire and Gall

When Aridhol fell and Manetheren as Well.
Rashima restored morale in the Compact, they Tell
She led the defence of Tar Valon with Strength
When Trollocs attacked the Sedai city at Length

Victories followed at Kaisin Pass and Larapelle
The Sorelle Step, Tel Norwin where many soldiers Fell
In the middle of Battle, the Amirlyn fought Strong
To vanquish the Shadow, the Evil, the Wrong

The Battle of Maighande was the Beginning of the End
For brave Rashima, though they Conquered, my Friend
The back of the invasion they Broke, the Shadow’s Plan
At Maighande, where ‘the Victory of humankind’ Began

Rashima died a hero, with her five Warders Near
Valiant as few! Battle Sister, Honour Clear.
‘Round their bodies a wall of Trolloc corpses’ Stain
With many dead Fades and nine Dreadlords Slain

Brave Rashima Kerenmosa! Valiant Sister of the Light
The ‘Soldier Amyrlin’, a Star shining Bright
A Sister of Battle, she’ll be Remembered by All
In the Turning of the Wheel, until Darkness’ Fall

●

“An epic story of heroism indeed”, Elessar said softly after he had finished reciting the poem. “And even if, perhaps, embellished a little”, he added, “it’s still a great story.”

Picking up his cup, he sipped more from his tea, his throath somewhat dry after the recital. The tea was lukewarm by now but he did not mind. He drank what remained in the cup and then set it aside on the table. He leaned back in his comfortable chair, waiting for the others to speak.
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

The warder's eye trained in on the book that she had left on the table, and the Green had a moment of self reprimanding at having left it sitting about. She checked the title to see how embarrassed she should be, she had just grabbed it off the shelf earlier to have a cover while she watched Nev, after all. A breath of releif came at the sight of an old book with a collection of poetry. 

 

“Books and history, poems and stories have always been a kind of passion of mine.” Ellesar explained. “Leandreen especially, my first bondholder, a Green, she wondered at my great interest in stories. She wasn’t similarly inclined - she was more the kind to make history in truth.”
 

Kathleen nodded knowingly. She hadn't met Leandreen, but she had known many others who had that same trait. Most Green's did, to some degree she realized.

“I remember some of my favourite poems by heart.” Ellesar continued, “You have heard the story of the Green Sister, Rashima Kerenmosa, the ‘Soldier Amyrlin’?”

 

Again Kathleen nodded, not wanting to interrupt, but wanting to be sure he knew she was familiar. She doubted there was a Green anywhere in the world who hadn't heard something of the former Amrylin who was raised from their own and faced what she had. Even if the stories may have been skewed over the years. Even so, Kathleen listened intently to the warder recite the poem, the words flowing off his tongue rhythmically. It was amazing that he recalled that poem from memory, and it said a lot about the truth of his own heart. It wasn't surprising though, the warders were soldiers themselves after all. She had always felt that there was a stronger connection, a deeper understanding, between the Greens and the Warders than any other Ajah had with them. 

 

"A lovely tale, and quite an impressive memory on you! You'd do good to avoid the Browns, I'm sure they'd snatch you up if they caught on." Kathleen quipped. "They almost snatched me up and all. I was quite suited to the Browns, before I made a turn for the Grey which landed me here in the Green halls." Kathleen let out a laugh, not even trying to hide it. "I suppose if I could have had the Tower training without being able to channel I would have ended up in one of the two. Studying up, soaking up the information, I couldn't get enough. But I wanted to do something with it, and since I can challenge I though I ought to use that gift to the best of its abilities. So with information, a will to keep the peace and seek justice and a heart of desire to make things explode with wave of my hand, here I am, right where I belong!" 

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

[Elessar]

.. The Battle Ajah: A Passion for Life ..

►▼◄

"A lovely tale, and quite an impressive memory on you!” Kathleen quipped. “You'd do good to avoid the Browns, I'm sure they'd snatch you up if they caught on."

Elessar could do nothing but grin at that remark. A Brown Sister had in fact once, a long time ago, ‘pounced’ on him when she had discovered him in the History section of the great Tar Valon Library, seated at a table all on his own with six thick volumes of Sethad’s grand “History of the World: Truth and Myth” before him, intently reading. Whether her interest came from the oddity of seeing a Warder in the library with a nose deep in a set of thick books, something which might give her reason for intense study for the next few years, or from his impressive memory when he recited a long and intricate poem by heart when she asked, something which also would make for a deliciously long period of study for the Brown, Elessar did not know. In truth, he was just as glad when she was gone. Being Warder to a Brown had to be a very.. interesting.. experience.. but Elessar was frankly not quite sure he was up to it.

"They almost snatched me up and all,” Kathleen continued. “I was quite suited to the Browns, before I made a turn for the Gray which landed me here in the Green halls." Kathleen let out a laugh, not even trying to hide it. "I suppose if I could have had the Tower training without being able to channel I would have ended up in one of the two. Studying up, soaking up the information, I couldn't get enough. But I wanted to do something with it, and since I can channel I thought I ought to use that gift to the best of its abilities. So with information, a will to keep the peace and seek justice and a heart of desire to make things explode with wave of my hand, here I am, right where I belong!"

●

The passionate - and wonderfully frank, almost grandios - statement made Elessar grin broadly. He recognized the same passion for life that he had also seen so many times in Leandreen, a passion often found in Greens or so at least his former bondholder had claimed. He thought he saw a touch of a fond smile on Neveul’s lips as well, but the Arafellin still seemed somewhat reserved in his reactions to Elessar and he got the impression that his fellow Warder was partially distracted, perhaps with much on his mind. You’re not the only one, Brother. He thought. Not the only one. Shifting his gaze back to the Sedai again, Elessar thought about her choices. She could have chosen Brown, or Gray, but chose Green.

It is always a question of choices.

Carrain and Carys both, his two Yellow bondholders, had a passion for healing and so they had not been in much doubt about their choice of Ajah, or so Elessar believed. Leandreen had told him that she had never considered an other Ajah than the Green; her mission in life had from the very beginning been to strike out at the Shadow wherever it was to be found. And Kathleen had also chosen the Battle Ajah in the end.

‘A will to keep the peace and seek justice’.

Kathleen’s words echoed in Elessar’s mind as he digested the information.
 

●

“’We are the Battle Ajah! We have a Passion for Life!’ Leandreen told me with laughter in her eyes on several occasions”, Elessar said with a grin, a few moments later, reminiscing.

“She said that one needed to feel - and appreciate - the adrenalin in one’s veins, the beating of one’s heart, the beautiful energy that made one feel truly alive, to be able to cope well with the death and evil one often encountered as a Battle Ajah Sister in the constant struggle with the Shadow.”

“She believed passionately in her cause, Leandreen did.” Elessar added. There was fondness in his eyes as he spoke, but also sorrow. “Her love of life - her inner fire and spirit - gave her strength when she needed it the most. I am positive that this saved her life on several occasions.”

His eyes met those of the Green Aes Sedai and he thought he could sense the fire and life therein. Not every person would be the same, of course, it depended also on personal character-traits and on one’s disposition, but he would not be surprised if a fair amount of the ‘fire and spirit-hearted’ channeling women in the White Tower were captivated by, and drawn to, the Battle Ajah.
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

The gaidan both seemed to be fully relaxed and smiling by the time she set her empty tea cup down. Nev had heard her reasonings for joining the green before, but Kathleen knew it was more the company and the chance to clear his mind of decision making that had made him relax. And for once it wasn't one of the stuffy guest Sister's or the all too impressionable Accepted. This guest was one he could relate to, one he did not have to put on a show for. Oh, he'd still watch what he said and did, he'd still hold back, but that was just his way.

 

“’We are the Battle Ajah! We have a Passion for Life!’ Leandreen told me with laughter in her eyes on several occasions”, Elessar said with a grin. “She said that one needed to feel - and appreciate - the adrenalin in one’s veins, the beating of one’s heart, the beautiful energy that made one feel truly alive, to be able to cope well with the death and evil one often encountered as a Battle Ajah Sister in the constant struggle with the Shadow. She believed passionately in her cause, Leandreen did. Her love of life - her inner fire and spirit - gave her strength when she needed it the most. I am positive that this saved her life on several occasions.”

 

"That is one thing I find often gets lost on people. They see the Battle Ajah as the military brained, the savage fighters, the bringers of death and destruction. If they ever took the time to really get to know us, I think they'd find that the large majority of us feel just as your Aes Sedai did. We must enjoy the life we put on the line every day, otherwise what motivation do we have to win the fight? If all we concentrate on is is the death and destruction, what drive do we have to keep living another day to face it again? Though, you surely live with that same stereotype each day, being a warder as you are. We seem to have finished up on our tea. Would you like another cup, or you prefer something with a little more bite..say from a bottle?" Kathleen caught her warder's eye and flashed hers toward the inner door, hinting at the liquor cabinet in the next room.

 

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah

[Elessar]

.. What it Means to be a Warder ..

►▼◄

“We seem to have finished up on our tea”, Kathleen said. “Would you like another cup, or you prefer something with a little more bite..say from a bottle?"

“A drink would be nice, thank you.” Elessar replied.

A little later, as he sipped from his liquor, which Kathleen’s Warder had brought from the adjoining room, he thought about her words about stereotypes.

“Though, you surely live with that same stereotype each day, being a Warder as you are.”

She was right. Most people had stereotype-views about Warders. A Warder was a soldier, a warrior, a man who primarily used brute force - albeit with great sword-skill - to protect his Aes Sedai against the Shadow. Those who knew more about Warders, who knew of the Bond and of the service performed by the Gaidin, knew that there was much more to being a Warder of the White Tower.

“You are right about the stereotype”, he said facing the Aes Sedai. “A Warder is to many people simply a kind of ‘bodyguard war-machine on two legs’. Of course, there is much more to it, as we know well.” He nodded to his fellow Gaidin.

●

“I remember what my old Warder-teacher, Andrian Gaidin, said on the subject in a class we had many years ago”, Elessar continued after another sip of his drink, drawing on his strong memory.

“’We all bring what we are into the role of the Warder”, he said. “We are all individuals and that diversity enriches us, it makes us stronger, it makes us wiser. And then through training we learn more and gain experience and wisdom in all the ways important to make a good Warder. And in case some of you think all that matters is to be proficient with a sword, think again! A Gaidin must besides being a proficient fighter and warrior be knowledgeable about the world since he and his Sedai will travel often in their service, he must know survival in the wild, first-aid, several languages, history, politics and all the other things necessary to become a Sedai’s protector, advisor and trusted friend. That is why Warder-training is rigorous and only the best of the best manage to come through it to gain the Gaidin’s fancloak.”

“Let me return, for a moment, to what I said earlier. Many do believe that a Warder’s chief attribute is his strength with a weapon, but that is not so! Your mind is your strongest weapon. With your mind you can reflect, you can make a decision, you can choose a path, you can control your passions, you can make for the best protection and the wisest course. With your mind you can control urges of endangering pride or ferocious viciousness; you can keep fear and emotions in check; with your mind you can focus on the task at hand and nothing else, and cloaked in the Oneness - embraced by the Flame and the Void - you can direct you sword where you want, in the perfect and controlled Dance of the Blade. The Strength of a Gaidin comes from his mind .. and it flows into his Sword..”

“Remember,” he added finally, ”in our service to Aes Sedai and the White Tower we give willingly, we are dutiful and strong, we serve humbly, dutifully, loyally, strongly - and through our protection and service - to death and beyond - we give the Aes Sedai the opportunity to serve the Light and the World.’”


“My teacher was a very wise man,” Elessar said when he was finished. “I agree with his sentiment. It’s what every Warder should strive for.”


“Though”, he added half to himself, “I think the White Tower has yet to house the perfect Warder.”


My life before yours, Leandreen.


Forgive me.
 

●

Elessar took a large sip from his drink. He tried to repress the rising guilt in his soul, but was only partially successful.

“Ah well”, he said setting down the glass, “it’s always good to have something to strive for.”

Forgive me.

He met Neveul’s eyes for a moment, but it was hard to read what was reflected in those eyes.

What is your story, Brother? Elessar wondered, not for the first time, in the silence that followed his last words.
 

▀▄

[Kathleen]

"He sounds a wise man indeed." Kathleen noted as the gaidan took a deep drink. "His training sounds far closer to the Aes Sedai training, out side of our respective weapons. A very good idea, that. It makes it much easier to work together when we're similarly trained. I wonder, how prepared are new trainies to learn that there is more to being a Tower Guard than having skill with a sword? I know that learning there is much more to study before you gain the ring or shawl than control over the power has thrown more than one Novice for a loop." 

 

Kathleen paused to sip at her own newly filled cup, not taking in too much of the strong drink. "One thing that has always been a bit of a curiosity for me is in knowing how you warders choose which Sisters to bond. Surely, it isn't as simple as waiting to be asked and accepting the first offer. Though, I know some men do. What was it, if you don't mind sharing, that drew you to the Sisters who bonded you? Was it their cause that swept you up, or something personal about them, or am I missing the mark completely? Please don't feel obligated to tell me, I'd understand completely if you'd rather keep your reasons to yourself."

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Green Sister

Keeping it short and sweet..stupid head ache.

[Elessar]

.. Choice of a Bond ..

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“I wonder, how prepared are new trainees to learn that there is more to being a Tower Guard than having skill with a sword?” Kathleen said. She saw a parallell with Novices and learning more than using the One Power.

“Many are taken aback, just like your Novices”, Elessar replied with a small grin. “They have believed that mastering the sword is more or less all there is to becoming a Tower Guard, or Warder. They soon learn though that that is only a small part of it.” He exchanged a knowing glance with his fellow Gaidin.

"One thing that has always been a bit of a curiosity for me”, Kathleen added, “is in knowing how you Warders choose which Sisters to Bond. Surely, it isn't as simple as waiting to be asked and accepting the first offer. Though, I know some men do. What was it, if you don't mind sharing, that drew you to the Sisters who Bonded you? Was it their cause that swept you up, or something personal about them, or am I missing the mark completely? Please don't feel obligated to tell me, I'd understand completely if you'd rather keep your reasons to yourself."

It was a very personal question - and Elessar took a few moments to consider his response.

“I don’t mind.“ He said. “But it’s a long story, and, I guess, an unusual one.”

“In general though, for many Warders I believe”, Elessar began, “finding a Sister to Bond is not something they think about in the first years in Warder training. Learning to become a Warder constitutes so much time and energy and focus that they hardly have time for anything else in their lives. This was certainly the case for me.” His eyes took on a pensive look as he thought back on his early years in the Tower. “It was only as my training was coming to an end that I started thinking properly about a future Bondmate.”

“As you both know, there are some Warder trainees who have no intention from the start of Bonding an Aes Sedai, who from early on decide that their duty and service will be to the Tower and Aes Sedai as a group, as a Tower Guard in Tar Valon. That was never an option for me. I knew I wanted to serve as a Gaidin to an Aes Sedai - but who that Sister would be, of that I had no idea.”

●

He sipped from his drink, and then continued his story. His voice took on a slightly speculative tone. “During Warder training we were, in fact, by some, told that a Warder was dutibound to Bond any Sister who asked - it was not a choice on the part of the Warder in other words - while others said that a Warder should have a say in the matter. Only a very few whispered that a Warder could initiate contact with a Sister with a view to Bond. To tell the truth, I don’t know how this plays out with new recruits among the Warders these days, perhaps things have changed, but this is the way it was many years ago when I went through training here.”

“I think different Warders look for different things in a Bondmate. Some are, as you said, swept up by an Aes Sedai’s cause, others Bond for more personal reasons, yet others again do so feeling an obligation of some kind when asked by a Sister. In other cases it may be almost happenstance, or necessity.”

“As for my story”, he said, choosing his words aptly, “it is unusual, I guess, seeing as I have been Bondmate to three Aes Sedai since I came to Tar Valon those many years ago.”

His eyes took on a faraway look as he spoke, with memories and emotions flowing in his mind.

“I met Leandreen a short time after I was raised to Tower Guard. She was on the lookout for another Warder - she had one from before - and I was captivated by her spark, by her love of life, and by her ‘mission in life’, a want and a need to strike out at the Shadow. I felt that with a Green Ajah Sister, often on missions out of the Tower, out in the real world, I would make a greater difference - and be able to make use of my abilities as a Warder the best. We connected - and though it took a little while before we Bonded, she said afterwards that she had decided she wanted me for her Warder from that very first meeting.”

Oh Leandreen.

There was a small smile in his eyes, but also sorrow.

There was no need to speak of her death.
 

●

With Carrain and Carys, both Yellow Sisters, it was different, of course. He said. “They both Bonded me to save my life; Carrain to stop me from throwing away my life in what she called ‘a futile attempt against the Shadow’, to avenge Leandreen, and Carys - my current bondholder - to literally save my life after a mortal wound by a Darkfriend almost killed me.”

He could have told more of his history, could have explained about his periods of near madness after the deaths of his Sedais, and his long periods of depression in the White Tower as he felt shame and guilt over his failure as a protector; as well, his gratitude for having been given another chance to serve and do his duty as a Warder in the Light, a chance to redeem himself. Those things were too personal for him, however, to speak about to them.

▀▄

[Kathleen]

Kathleen took in another sip of her drink as silence fell over her guest. Perhaps she had pushed too far in her lighthearted questioning. She never fully developed the filter expected of her. She had come leaps and bounds from the girl she had been when she came to the tower, spewing out every word that came to mind, and then sputter to spin a tale to take the words back. She was better than she had been yes, but her inquisitive nature often had her asking for more than she ought to. And given the ring on her finger her curiosity was often mistaken for malicious prying.

 

It's not as though I'd outright ask if I were trying to be coy about it! She thought as she set her cup on a coaster on her table. It seemed Elessar may have come to the same conclusion as he decided to speak of his reasonings. Kathleen listened with interest, and a small amount of guilt at having made the man think over such personal things. She hadn't thought that it could upset him to recall the early days with each of his bondeds, especially the ones he no longer had. Not at least until she felt the amount of concern flowing to her from Nev. He had caught onto the implications from the moment her words were out and she could almost hear him berating her in his mind. Still the question was out there and she couldn't take it back now, even if she wanted to. She was still curious, and he had the choice not to answer. 

 

As she listened to his reasoning she grew more and more curious as to the stories of how he found himself in need of the bonding. Just what exactly had been going on? Of course she knew better than to press for those details now. Perhaps he would explain more in a future meeting, but it was clear that this was not the time for that. She was about to speak when Nevuel started and so she closed her lips and let him speak. 

 

"I heard all sorts of 'rules' on proper bonding etiquette in my early days too. I had it my head that I would not let myself get tied to the first thing that came along, just because she insisted, no matter if that was what I was supposed to do. I avoided anything in a dress for some time just to see that it happened! Of course, I did want to be a Warder, and not just spend my days defending a place that I didn't really feel needed protection. I'd rather be out with the real need was. And that meant giving the girls a chance. Still I insisted that I would not be scooped up into defending someone or following a cause I was not fully willing to and desiring." 

 

Kathleen scoffed under her breath at that remark, as if he could have stopped any Sister from laying the weave if she wanted him. Even if they got his approval, they could have convinced him it was his idea! Men, always think they have the upper hand. She thought as much, and sent the sentiment through he bond. She wouldn't say it, but he would know it.

 

I suppose I was hoping to meet a Green from the start, and if she weren't sitting right here I may have more to say on the details of or bonding, however I would like to be here tonight, and so I may just have to leave it at that for now." He laughed under his breath as he cut himself short. 

 

"You were lucky you met me then, weren't you?": The Green said with a hint of sarcasm, and a smile across her cheeks. "As I recall we had many a meeting before we even discussed bonding. Though it may upset you then to know that from the moment I laid eyes on you it was my intent. So much for your avoiding it until you decided. I have no doubt that if you were to continue, you'd have told him that you found interest in the sight of a newly raised one; one you thought would be easier to tame to your desires. No baggage, no mothering, no experience so one truly in need of your skill." It wasn't meant as a dig, and in honesty that was exactly what he had found in the newly raised Aes Sedai. She had been seeking someone for just those same reasons. She was looking for extra eyes to protect her, someone she could trust completely when her own abilities let her down. She had found all of that in this man, and it only proved to strengthen over time. Surely they poked fun at each other now, but they both knew the truth and they both knew it wasn't meant. 

 

~ Kathleen Vandiar

Green Sister

[Elessar]

.. Waking from Darkness into Light ..

►▼◄

Kathleen and her Warder’s almost playful exchange of words made Elessar think of his Bondmates.

Above all, it made him think about his current Bond with Carys.

As he listened to Nevuel Gaidin’s words and his Sedai’s response, a kind of duel of words in fondness and fun, his mind was half focused on the Sister of the Yellow Ajah whom he could feel in the back of his mind.

Carys.

They had been Bonded several years now - a long time in many ways, not that long in others - but he remembered it as if it were yesterday, that fateful day when Carys had Bonded him to Save his life.
 

●

..They arrived at the farmhouse a little before midday. Some clouds had appeared from the south and they mirrored Elessar’s mood. His unwariness had grown as they had neared their destination and it frustrated him that he could not pin-point the reason. Dismounting in front of the farmhouse building he had taken a close look around, looking for any potential danger. He had seen nothing. Surprisingly there were neither people nor animals around and that also made the Warder suspicious. Carys dismounted and handed him her horses’ reins. He bound all three horses to a wooden fence and considered their captive. The man was silent now and safely bound. Elessar left him there and walked with Carys up to the entrance to the farmhouse. The door stood slightly ajar and Elessar pushed it open wide. He looked at Carys, who nodded back, and then he entered the building just ahead of her.

They had only walked a few yards into the farmhouse when time suddenly slowed for Elessar. Something is wrong. He thought. Everything started running in slow motion.. He was just ahead of Carys, stepping carefully around a corner, his eyes watching in every direction, when he suddenly heard the snap of a thread.. the wooshing sound of a drawn bowstring.. and then as his eyes widened in understanding the world stood still .. A trap! He had triggered a booby trap! Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement - something coming toward them - and with an instinctive protective reaction, he pushed the Aes Sedai out of the poisoned knife’s path. It all seemed to take forever..

He was, however, unable to move fast enough to avoid the knife himself, as well as a second knife which embedded itself in his chest with deadly precision. Elessar tumbled to the floor, bleeding hard. He got a knock on the head as he fell and as he opened his eyes a storm of pain enveloped him. He struggled to breathe and sensed paralysis overtaking him. Poison! The thought flashed in his mind. He sensed rather than saw a presense beside him. Who was there? Everything was so confusing.. He felt as if he were falling into blackness. I am dying. A last thought. A bitter thought. The darkness beckoned seductively. The light in his eyes started fading..

All became Black.

Seconds later, or was it an eternity?, Elessar awakened to life, and it was almost as if waking from Darkness into Light.

He stared around him with wide eyes, taking a few moments to adjust to the Light of Life, his emotions tumbling over each other, his senses gradually returning. He felt very tired and it took a great effort for him to stand on his own. His whole body felt heavy but there was something which lightened his burden. The Bond! Of course! He could feel Carys - his Bondholder now - in the back of his head just as he had felt Leandreen and Carrain years ago. It was a strange feeling and one that could not well be described in words to someone who had not experienced it. Through the Bond he felt Carys’ exhaustion; bringing him back from near-death - he was certain that he had been lethally injured by those poisoned knives - must have cost her much. Even so, she projected some strength into him through the Bond and he knew that he would have been even weaker without it.

He had been almost unconscious when she had brought him back to life. Plunging headlong into darkness, a never ending fall, his mind had somehow registered her voice. Somehow her words had reached him, pushing through the confusion and the excruciating agony. Panic had raced across his eyes as his feeble mind had understood what she was asking, followed by extreme pain. He had coughed, blood dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, and only when he was still again had he nodded his assent. As far gone as he had been, his survival instinct had taken over. What she had to do, she had to do, to save him. That was enough. That had ended all discussions.

Flashes in his mind. That was what he remembered from the Bonding and the Healing that Carys had performed to save his life. Flashes. He had shuddered and had shaken like a leaf in a storm, swept away on ferocious torrents he could not control. Flashes of Light and Darkness. Time and again. An eternal spiral from which there was no end.. And then waking.. as if from a dream..

Elessar checked the farmhouse for more booby traps, walking ever so carefully around so as not to spring another trap - he had not been careful enough the last time, not alert enough - but found none. Returning to the where Carys rested he shook his head in explanation - to which she nodded - and then remained standing close to her.

Finally, after a period of silence, he spoke. “Carys Aes Sedai, I want to thank you. You have saved my lfe again.” He said. He was silent for a few seconds before he added. “We seem bound, you and I. We have walked into danger, time and again. Sometimes it almost seems that we are drawn to it. For whatever reason, perhaps a Bond is what we both need to stay alive.”

With those words he silenced all thoughts of protest inside him. He would not fail again in his duty, he simply would not! That was all there was to it.

The feeling of Carys in his head soothed him somewhat, gave him comfort. He respected her. Their short time together had shown him that she was a woman of integrity. Now it was his duty to protect and serve this woman - and that he would do to the best of his ability. Whatever mistakes I have made, I am a Gaidin! He thought. He straightened his back determinedly and his eyes got a spark of renewed purpose.

He was a Bonded Warder again and this time he would not fail in his duty...

●

What he felt through the Bond now from Carys was tiredness and he sighed inwardly in consternation. She was pushing herself too hard, he thought. As he had thought a million times in the past weeks and months and longer. He admired her great strength of purpose, her tenacity, her considerable work ethic, but he could not help but think that she would wear herself out if she continued in this way. If he were totally honest with himself, though, he knew that part of his concern over her cloaked his deeper concern over his present situation. He was struggling with his motivation as a Warder here in the White Tower, he longed to get out on the road again, to get out in the real world, to carry out his duty as a Warder to the best of his abilities, something that his present conditions made difficult. This frustration was coupled with a shame that he should even feel this way. He had his duty. He was Bonded to a Tower-bound Yellow Sister and that meant that he was Tower-bound too. That was all there was to it. Except he could not shake the feeling that this ever-present restlessness might not go away.

“I'd rather be out where the real need was..”

Nevuel Gaidin’s words mirrored Elessar’s thoughts and he nodded silently to himself.

I want to be out where the real need is..

But duty always comes first.

"As I recall”, Kathleen said, “we had many a meeting before we even discussed Bonding. Though it may upset you then to know that from the moment I laid eyes on you it was my intent.”

Like with Leandreen and me, Elessar thought. She said she knew from the first moment. Is that the case with many Sedai and Warders I wonder?

Elessar grinned inside at the playful, perhaps even ambiguous, words Kathleen delivered to her Warder. Kathleen seemed to him a.. complex character.. but then again, so were all women in his experience. It was a man’s lot in life to try to understand these complex, sometimes incomprehensible female creatures. When he had said as much at one time to Leandreen, she had raised an eyebrow at him, had kept silent for a few moments, and then had fallen into an enormous fit of laughter as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Women! He thought with an inside chuckle.

The many things they had spoken of on this day of friendly conversation in the Tower were personal in some ways, and though it probably was a little strange for them all to be party to such personal information from those they did not know that well, Elessar felt it had been a conversation that they had all appreciated. He certainly had. It had been good to get away from his daily routine if only for a few hours, and he had truly enjoyed the chat with Kathleen and her Warder. Now it was time to get back to his duties, however.

“I have enjoyed our conversation, Kathleen Aes Sedai”, he said with a smile - and nodded also to his fellow Warder. “But it is time I get back to my duties.” He said. He got up from his chair and gave a Warder’s bow to the Sister. “Thank you for inviting me. Perhaps we can do this again some other time.”

As he left Kathleen’s room and the Battle Ajah halls of the Tower behind, echoes of Leandreen’s emerald green eyes in the back of his mind, he could not let go of the inner feeling that his Warder-soul might always be with the Green.
 

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