Comical take offs

[MasterAblar]

aMoL specific, but scenes from the rest of the series are allowed.

 

However, no rated R threads, so PG13 everyone.

[fuzz1717]

I'm a little confused exactly what this thread is for, but I like comedy so I'll attempt to revive it.

 

The Rand-Mat exchange about who had accomplished the most had me feeling really conflicted. On one had, I did chuckle at its corny-ness, but I was also cringing a little at such a potentially groundbreaking reunion between Rand and Mat (who had not seen eachother since Rand sent Mat to bring Elayne back in... LoC? ACoS? somewhere around there) being spoiled with cheesy jokes.

 

Thoughts? And sorry if this wasn't the intent of the thread...

[Winespring Patron]

[Note: most of this post was lifted from another topic thread but I felt it would be as applicable on this thread]

 

I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get more reaction POV's from
different characters upon learning of Mat's elevation to overall Battle
Commander, FOL (Forces of Light). I know Uno initially expressed skepticism
until Polov Heights was shellacked by Demandred while Elayne kind of sighs and
hopes that the Creator is indeed protecting them despite Mat's very
unconventional leadership style. It would have been amusing to have read
reactions from characters that had less than favorable interactions with Mat.
Just imagine the following hypothetical dialogue:

 

Urien (of the Two Spires sept, Reyn Aiel): Matrim Cauthon, an excellent
battle leader for a wetlander; better than their Great Captains. Do not try to
dice with him however; I lost most of my share from the Stone of Tear gambling
against him. He is totally clueless about the Maidens of the Spear though, who
would be dumb enough to ask them to play Maiden's Kiss?

 

Saal (from The Woman of Tanchico, Tar Valon): Matrim Cauthon, that was his
name? He's the top general now! He tried to eat everything in our larder during
his single visit and then he left with our drunken, semi-resident Gleeman.

 

Mada: (grins at sister) you should have complimented him more on his eyes
and he might have stayed...

 

Basel Gill: I remember the rascal; first visit to the Queen's Blessing he
was paranoid, the next he was talking about taking on the most powerful man in
Caemlyn. He left me a purse with ten crowns, am I supposed to return it?

 

Mother Guenna (Wise Woman, Tear): A bold and reckless young man, blasted his
way into the Stone and rescued his friends; despite Aiel, Defenders, Black Ajah
and Forsaken. I reckon directing Tarmon Gai'don will be just the thing to keep
him out of trouble; he should have married a good Tairen girl from the Maule
though...

Valan Luca:  Mat Cauthon? Don’t get me started, in the space of a month that

young upstart almost single handedly destroyed my show, which is called Valan

Luca’s Grand Traveling Show and Magnificent Display of Marvels and Wonders.

That’s the abbreviated name mind you; I couldn’t find poles that were both tall

and stout enough while still being transportable to display the full name of my

humble creation. Did I mention that my most excellent menagerie is coming to

a village, town, or city near you? Well, as soon as this Tarmon Gai’don business

is finished, that is. Since you’re interviewing me about what’s his name, I’m sure

you don’t mind me throwing you an exclusive:  I have just concluded an

agreement with the Seanchan to display their exotic animals.  Just think; a

person, for a few marks, can safely view creatures that formerly terrorized

the Light out of the good citizens Tarabon, Amadicia, and Altara. (Latelle

elbows Valan in his short ribs and Valan finally remembers the original subject

of conversation), Cauthon as Battle Commander for the Last Battle!  I’d say

the world is in for a wild ride before the final salvation.  That rogue put us

through more adventures and intrigue then a story book hero experiences in a lifetime.  

 

Joline Sedai: Matrim Cauthon, No, it doesn't surprise me that he was chosen
Supreme Commander for the Last Battle. He helped me and two other Aes Sedai
escape Ebou Dar after the Seanchan invaded. Against all odds, he managed to
dodge Seanchan patrols, Darkfriends, Bubbles of Evil, and a village of
nocturnal homicidal maniacs that resurrected daily. I tried to convince him
that it was in his best interest to allow me to bond him as a Warder but he
stubbornly refused.

 

Bode Cauthon: If one more Novice asks me if the famous "Lord"
Cauthon is really my brother (makes choking motion with her hands), she'll
regret ever coming to the White Tower!

Abel Cauthon: That's my boy! I always knew he had more to offer besides that
idiotic grin...

 

Natti Cauthon: (smirks at husband and then has an uncontrollable fit of
laughter)

 

Neysa Ayellin: Mat Cauthon, the top general, eh!  Why he and I were an item once,

nobody else in Emond’s Field noticed because they were too busy gossiping about

Rand and Egwene. Egwene, Egwene, Egwene; she’s the girl in Emond’s Field who

got all the attention.  Do you know how frustrating it is to be the 2^nd prettiest girl in

the village? The only time I was noticed was when Egwene stayed inside the inn

for a week waiting for her nose to heal after Mat accidentally hit her in the face

with a wool ball (smirks). Mat and I were practically a couple; we would have

been married by now if he hadn’t suddenly left the village. I was the only girl who

could hold his attention without him resorting to the silly antics for which he was

known. Now he’s married some foreign princess and is commanding the armies

of the Light and all I have is a memory of him telling me how pretty I was, sigh…

 

Cenn Buie: Battle Commander over all forces of the Light? May the Creator
have mercy and protect us! Have all the Monarchs and Bran's daughter completely
lost their minds? Why that young scoundrel once set fire to my whole supply of
thatch that I had drying for the winter and then had the nerve to blame it on
my cow knocking over the lantern...

 

Wit Congar: Oh! that's barely a trifle compared to the time Matrim snuck
into my sheep yard and put bright purple dye into the dipping trough. I didn't
notice it until my entire flock had been dipped. It was a disaster I tell you,
my sheep actually glowed in the moonlight! It was so bad that it would have
caused even a Tinker to break down and cry!

 

Upon hearing Cenn and Wit talking, many nearby Emond's Fielders begin to recite
their favorite Mat Cauthon pranks. They were still reminiscing several hours
later when Tam al'Thor noticed the large gathering that included almost
everyone in Emond's Field.

Tam al'Thor: Break this up and go back to work!
There'll be plenty more humorous Mat Cauthon stories in the Fourth Age...

[Vambram]

[Note: most of this post was lifted from another topic thread but I felt it would be as applicable on this thread]

 

 

I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get more reaction POV's from

different characters upon learning of Mat's elevation to overall Battle

Commander, FOL (Forces of Light). I know Uno initially expressed skepticism

until Polov Heights was shellacked by Demandred while Elayne kind of sighs and

hopes that the Creator is indeed protecting them despite Mat's very

unconventional leadership style. It would have been amusing to have read

reactions from characters that had less than favorable interactions with Mat.

Just imagine the following hypothetical dialogue:

 

Urien (of the Two Spires sept, Reyn Aiel): Matrim Cauthon, an excellent

battle leader for a wetlander; better than their Great Captains. Do not try to

dice with him however; I lost most of my share from the Stone of Tear gambling

against him. He is totally clueless about the Maidens of the Spear though, who

would be dumb enough to ask them to play Maiden's Kiss?

 

Saal (from The Woman of Tanchico, Tar Valon): Matrim Cauthon, that was his

name? He's the top general now! He tried to eat everything in our larder during

his single visit and then he left with our drunken, semi-resident Gleeman.

 

Mada: (grins at sister) you should have complimented him more on his eyes

and he might have stayed...

 

Basel Gill: I remember the rascal; first visit to the Queen's Blessing he

was paranoid, the next he was talking about taking on the most powerful man in

Caemlyn. He left me a purse with ten crowns, am I supposed to return it?

 

Mother Guenna (Wise Woman, Tear): A bold and reckless young man, blasted his

way into the Stone and rescued his friends; despite Aiel, Defenders, Black Ajah

and Forsaken. I reckon directing Tarmon Gai'don will be just the thing to keep

him out of trouble; he should have married a good Tairen girl from the Maule

though...

 

Valan Luca:  Mat Cauthon? Don’t get me started, in the space of a month that

young upstart almost single handedly destroyed my show, which is called Valan

Luca’s Grand Traveling Show and Magnificent Display of Marvels and Wonders.

That’s the abbreviated name mind you; I couldn’t find poles that were both tall

and stout enough while still being transportable to display the full name of my

humble creation. Did I mention that my most excellent menagerie is coming to

a village, town, or city near you? Well, as soon as this Tarmon Gai’don business

is finished, that is. Since you’re interviewing me about what’s his name, I’m sure

you don’t mind me throwing you an exclusive:  I have just concluded an

agreement with the Seanchan to display their exotic animals.  Just think; a

person, for a few marks, can safely view creatures that formerly terrorized

the Light out of the good citizens Tarabon, Amadicia, and Altara. (Latelle

elbows Valan in his short ribs and Valan finally remembers the original subject

of conversation), Cauthon as Battle Commander for the Last Battle!  I’d say

the world is in for a wild ride before the final salvation.  That rogue put us

through more adventures and intrigue then a story book hero experiences in a lifetime.  

 

Joline Sedai: Matrim Cauthon, No, it doesn't surprise me that he was chosen

Supreme Commander for the Last Battle. He helped me and two other Aes Sedai

escape Ebou Dar after the Seanchan invaded. Against all odds, he managed to

dodge Seanchan patrols, Darkfriends, Bubbles of Evil, and a village of

nocturnal homicidal maniacs that resurrected daily. I tried to convince him

that it was in his best interest to allow me to bond him as a Warder but he

stubbornly refused.

 

Bode Cauthon: If one more Novice asks me if the famous "Lord"

Cauthon is really my brother (makes choking motion with her hands), she'll

regret ever coming to the White Tower!

 

Abel Cauthon: That's my boy! I always knew he had more to offer besides that

idiotic grin...

 

Natti Cauthon: (smirks at husband and then has an uncontrollable fit of

laughter)

 

Neysa Ayellin: Mat Cauthon, the top general, eh!  Why he and I were an item once,

nobody else in Emond’s Field noticed because they were too busy gossiping about

Rand and Egwene. Egwene, Egwene, Egwene; she’s the girl in Emond’s Field who

got all the attention.  Do you know how frustrating it is to be the 2^nd prettiest girl in

the village? The only time I was noticed was when Egwene stayed inside the inn

for a week waiting for her nose to heal after Mat accidentally hit her in the face

with a wool ball (smirks). Mat and I were practically a couple; we would have

been married by now if he hadn’t suddenly left the village. I was the only girl who

could hold his attention without him resorting to the silly antics for which he was

known. Now he’s married some foreign princess and is commanding the armies

of the Light and all I have is a memory of him telling me how pretty I was, sigh…

 

Cenn Buie: Battle Commander over all forces of the Light? May the Creator

have mercy and protect us! Have all the Monarchs and Bran's daughter completely

lost their minds? Why that young scoundrel once set fire to my whole supply of

thatch that I had drying for the winter and then had the nerve to blame it on

my cow knocking over the lantern...

 

Wit Congar: Oh! that's barely a trifle compared to the time Matrim snuck

into my sheep yard and put bright purple dye into the dipping trough. I didn't

notice it until my entire flock had been dipped. It was a disaster I tell you,

my sheep actually glowed in the moonlight! It was so bad that it would have

caused even a Tinker to break down and cry!

 

Upon hearing Cenn and Wit talking, many nearby Emond's Fielders begin to recite

their favorite Mat Cauthon pranks. They were still reminiscing several hours

later when Tam al'Thor noticed the large gathering that included almost

everyone in Emond's Field.

 

Tam al'Thor: Break this up and go back to work!

There'll be plenty more humorous Mat Cauthon stories in the Fourth Age...

 

+1

 

Cuendillar-88! That was GREAT!!! hahahahaha, I love this!