Of Law and Justice (Attn Miya)

[Serey]

Continued from:  Home Sweet Tower

 

“Yes, Miya Sedai,” Serey said, dropping a curtsy.  She managed to make it back to her room, close the door, light a candle, and throw herself down on the bed before letting out a long moan.  “Why me?” she whispered, as she curled up into a ball.

 

Perhaps, she thought, their was a fundamental difference between the women of the various Ajahs.  That the lesson she had missed was: stay away from the Blues.

 

But surely a Blue, or any Sedai, would have no use for a novice.  After all, what could a novice do for an Aes Sedai that a servant could not do better?  Rolling on her back, Serey stared up at the ceiling.  But no answer came to mind.

 

“I hate puzzles,” Serey said, as she scooted off of the bed.  She took off her dress, hanging it neatly on a wall hook, and began to ready for bed.  Maybe, Serey thought, She simply wants me to carry books for her.  It made a sort of sense, as Miya Sedai didn't seem to have a servant and Serey had been a handy novice.

 

But Serey couldn't convince herself that was true.  Miya Sedai knew she had studies, she had even mention she didn't want their trip to the library to interfere with them.  So, why didn't the woman just hire a servant to fetch and carry for her?  That made sense.  Having her do it didn't, so there had to be a reason.  Maybe Miya Sedai wasn't staying in the Tower long enough to warrant the hire of a servant.  Or maybe, it was because Miya Sedai needed an excuse for Serey to return to her quarters.  That way, she could confront her about some missing trinket.  But why the farce about the library?  She could have just ordered Serey to return.  But what use could she be in the Library?

 

“Stop!” Serey ordered herself, realizing that her thoughts were turning circles.  Blowing out the candle she crawled into bed.  She needed to sleep, not let silly thoughts keep her up all night.

 

But they did, and Serey woke up the next morning having slept only in fits and starts.  Groggily, she readied for the day, taking extra care with her hair.  She yawned her way through morning chores, and almost fell asleep in her porridge bowl at breakfast.  She'd likely have slept through her morning class, if not for dread and worry making her too nervous to spit.

 

When the accepted dismissed them, Serey stayed sitting and watched as the other novices rushed off, probably wanting to take advantage of their free hour.

 

“Do you have a question for me?”  the accepted asked, stopping beside her.

 

Serey stood, and curtsied.  “No, sorry, Accepted.  I was just lost in thought.”

 

The woman arched an eyebrow, but said nothing.

 

Forcing a smile, Serey turned and walked out of the classroom.  No need to worry, she told herself, as she walked to Miya Sedai's room.  I've done nothing wrong.  And as long as I do what I'm told like a good little novice, I can't be found at fault.  Whatever the woman had in store for her, Serey would bear it.  For all she knew, it was common practice for Aes Sedai to have a novice at their beck and call.  Maybe it was just another layer of training to try and weed out the weak.  Maybe, even, it was a good thing. 

 

Schooling her face in an imitation of Aes Sedai calm, she rapped twice on Miya Sedai's door.

[Miya]

Miya was sure the novice had to be taking her sweet time... Light!  How much of the morning have I wasted waiting on that girl? and was just about to send a servant to look in after her  when there was a knock at the door.  The old woman quickly found her smile again.

 

Easing herself away from her desk she decided that standing would be the best way to meet the girl.  If she sees how hard it is for me to get around I'll never have her respect.  Time to see what stuff you're made of Amadician.  "Enter."  She called out clear and authoritatively.

 

As the door opened and the child entered the room, Miya marched towards her with gray braids swaying this way and that, each one ringing a tiny copper bell attached to it’s end softly as she moved. 

 

Miya did not stand particularly tall and so what would have been pleasantly plump or healthy on a taller woman came off as fat on her.  Still, she wore her weight well enough to not appear a slob, her dark blue wool dress helping to lessen the appearance of her indulgences.  “Well, it’s about time you arrived child!”  She scolded coldly. 

 

“I was very nearly ready to find another girl who might better appreciate the gift of my time and company.  Come, come… let’s be off now,”  As she passed by Serey to exit her room, she looked her up and down quickly and clicked her tongue in disapproval.  “Is that what passes for novice white these days?”  She sighed shaking her head.  “When we’re done here you’ll take yourself straight to the Mistress of Novices and show her your ‘novice grays’ and ask if there isn’t some way for you to be taught how better to keep your dress.  For Light’s sake child, have pride in your position, you’re now a novice of the White Tower not a common village maid.”

 

Miya knew well that the dress was fine enough, hers had gotten far worse at times when she was in novice white but, the added stress of a trip to the Mistress of Novices would likely do a great deal for setting the tone of this meeting. 

 

Firstly, it would remind the child that she was an Aes Sedai and that there would be consequences to her actions should she behave poorly.  A fair warning in Miya’s estimation; perhaps that would prevent the outburst from occurring at all. 

 

Secondly it would make the child tense and scared and if she were inclined to emotional outbursts… perhaps it would happen all the quicker and then they could move forward if Miya thought she had the proper mettle. 

 

Lastly, if the child was a foul thief and rightly convicted perhaps something of her true temperament would be seen in how she responded to authority figures.  Not that a knowing a thief couldn’t prove useful… just because one had stolen things in the past didn’t make them a dark friend after all.  Why, some of her best eyes and ears had questionable pasts and professions.  One could never tell when a thief might actually come in handy and prove a powerful resourceful member of your ajah should she ever make the shawl.

 

Entering the library Miya walked to the section of the library that contained books on the laws of kingdoms around the world.  There were books here on all the current nations, of course, but also on those who were long gone and forgotten.  A treasure trove that Miya had once spent a lot of time looking through as a novice but had found, during her time as an Accepted, that she didn’t really care too much for.  There was a large difference between adherence to law and doing the work of Justice… sometimes the two just weren’t the same thing.

 

Miya found a comfortable chair near a table and settled down.  Looking to the girl she took in her features a bit more closely this time, making sure to stare ate the location of her scar for a bit before speaking.

 

“I require some books brought to me child and you will not dawdle like you did this morning, in bringing them to me.”  Reaching into her waist pouch Miya produced a list and handed it over to the child.

 

“The Law of the Land - a review of Amadician Law” by Narrin Bental

“By the Light - An overview of the Children of the Light”  by Lars Heflin

“Midland Justice” by Willa Ness

 

“We will start with those… oh and be sure to bring two quills and parchment from the front desk with you.  We’ll be making notes as we go.”

 

 

 

[Serey]

“As you say, Aes Sedai.”  Serey took the the list and curtsied.  The Aes Sedai might have berated her and stared at her like she was a total disgrace, but Serey had taken it in stride.  She couldn't help but be a little proud of herself for keeping her composure.  Smiling, she turned and walked at a fast clip towards the Librarian's desk.  Once out of Miya's sight, she paused to examine her dress.  

 

“Blood and ashes!” she cursed, under her breath, noting that the hems of her dress were more gray than white.   Her face turned a deep red, and she let out a sigh.  She had hoped to never have to report to the Mistress of Novices for punishment.  Especially for something so silly as having dirtied her dress like a toddler.  

 

If you hadn't been skulking around the Ajah quarters last night you would have had time to scrub the dress, she told herself.  Then again, if she hadn't been in the Ajah quarters she wouldn't be in the Library now.  While Miya Sedai had been curt with her about her transgressions, she had also made it obvious that she was doing Serey a bigger favor than Serey was doing her.

 

Determined to prove herself and do the best job she could, Serey hurried on.  “Excuse me,” she said softly, to the plump librarian.  She had to repeat herself three times before the woman looked up.  Then Serey wanted to crawl under a rock.  

 

The librarian was an Aes Sedai and novices did not speak to Aes Sedai without being spoken to first.  Light!  I might as well make my bed at the foot of the Mistress of Novice's desk.

 

But the Aes Sedai did not seem to notice the breach in courtesy.  “How may I help you, child?” she said with a warm smile.

 

“Could you tell me where to locate--”  Serey's voice cut off as she stared down at the list.  

“The Law of the Land - a review of Amadician Law” by Narrin Bental

“By the Light - An overview of the Children of the Light” by Lars Heflin

“Midland Justice” by Willa Ness

 

All on Amadicia.  Either a coincidence or Serey hadn't been paranoid when she thought Miya Sedai had stared a bit too long at her forehead.  Miya Sedai wanted books on Amadician law and she just happened to have an Amadician novice fetch them for her.  A novice who bore a mark of Amadician justice.

 

The Aes Sedai librarian leaned forward to peer at the note.  “Oh, right over there, child,” she said, pointing in the direction Serey had come from.  “Alphabetized by the author's surname.”

 

Serey nodded, feeling a fool.  The books were right there, of course they were.  Right in front of her, and she had walked clear across the library, wasting time when Miya Sedai had wanted her to be quick and efficient.  She was halfway back before she remembered she was supposed to gather writing supplies from the front desk.  

 

Mud.  Her mind was turning to mud.  Serey walked back to the desk, and smiled at the kind Sedai as she collected two quills, an inkwell, a stack of parchment, and the other necessary writing supplies.

 

“Calm down, and stop thinking” she told herself, as she returned to Miya Sedai.  The woman was not out to get her.  She was a novice, her past was in the past.  It didn't matter, not to the Tower.  Miya Sedai wasn't trying to expose her as a thief, or get her kicked out of the Tower.  Serey was being paranoid.  Besides, figuring out the meaning behind the actions of an Aes Sedai was not for a novice to do.  Her job was to do as she was told and do it well, without comment.

 

Unable to look at the Aes Sedai, Serey clenched her jaw, as she set the writing supplies on the table.  She made quick work of the list, pulling each of the three books off of the shelves and stacking them neatly beside the Aes Sedai.

 

Staring at the floor, Serey dropped another curtsy.

 

 

 

 

 

**EDIT:  Oh typos, will I ever be free of you?**

[Miya]

"A tavern maid might have found the books with more alacrity."  Miya sighed as the girl reached her.  She's sturdy... very good, but likely prideful... yes I'd bet my best stockings that's it.  The blue tried to look at her passively but, in truth, Miya wanted to know what made the girl tick; after all, knowing a person often helped reveal the truth about their actions both past and future.

 

"I will have to bring you back here every day for the next week.  Perhaps you're just a slow reader?"  Miya arched an eyebrow questioningly and then continued as if this wasn't the time to agree, disagree or explain.  "Just the same... a week in the library may help you with whatever skills you're lacking."

 

Reaching down she picked up a quill and opened one of the books.  "Now, let's start with the basics.  At the top of your parchment pen the following - 'Research on Amadician Law and Justice by..." Miya wrinkled her nose.  Light my mind is addled... did the girl tell me her name?  Did I ask it?  Have I forgotten?  I'm gaping like a slack jawed fool!  Must say something…  Miya’s icy exterior flustered only a heartbeat, revealing something more human before she continued, “… your name and rank here in the White Tower and,”  she snapped the final like a lionfish chopping at bloody chum in the water, “...be sure to print neatly I refuse to have a girl working for me whose hand writing looks no better than a fisherman’!”

 

(( shorter this one since we're working towards more dialogue plus I figured it's a very big deal that her facade broke a bit.))

[Serey]

Serey sat down and busied her hands with uncorking the inkwell and smoothing out a piece of parchment while her mind whirled.  Had she imagined it, or had the Aes Sedai just stumbled over not knowing Serey's name?  At the very least it had given her pause.  Perhaps Miya Sedai's icy, always annoyed persona was a front?  Somehow, Serey doubted it.  More likely, the crotchety old woman was just upset that she did not come across as all knowing as she wanted to.  Or perhaps she was upset that Serey had not given her name- never mind that the Aes Sedai had not let Serey get a word in edgewise, and had not bothered to take the time and simply ask.

 

Picking up the other quill, Serey dipped it in the ink and began to write.  For this, at least, she was sure not to incur criticism from Miya Sedai.  Her handwriting, in both cursive and print, was uniform and legible.  As a child, her father had her pen all of his formal inquires and letters, and she did the same for may of her former employers.

 

“Research on Amadician Law and Justice, by Serey Dorrin- Novice of the White Tower,” Serey wrote swiftly in a round print free of both adornments and inkblots.  Once done, she turned the paper to give the Aes Sedai the ability to glance at her name without craning her neck.  Whatever Miya was, she was Aes Sedai and Serey did not want to make an Aes Sedai feel uncomfortable.

[Miya]

Inwardly Miya repeated the girl’s name about 30 or so times to be sure she would not forget it in the future.  She hoped that would be enough.  The whole thing made her want to sick up as badly as the poor girl probably wanted to with the raking over the coals she was being given - difference is the girl could and Miya could not. 

 

Watching the child write she was given pause.  A thief?  Light she has the hands of a scribe!  If she’s a petty thief then I’m the Amyrlin Seat herself!  Light… perhaps she was a con artist of some kind?  I’ve seen the type who falsify documents to steal… Hmm, perhaps.  “Very adequate penmanship child.  You should be happy I am not a brown or you would never see the light of day in free hours again, I’m sure… what with all the books they‘d have you copying.”

 

Leaning back in her chair, her calm returning to her she continued, “Take up a book and be comfortable.  I want you to read through the books and begin making notes on your conclusions.  What do the author’s observations and assumptions lead you to believe about the legal system in the country of Amadicia?  As a native of that land, feel free to add your own personal views, experiences, or beliefs on the subject.  I also would like to know if you feel that the laws of that country are implemented in such a way to produce justice - why or why not.”

 

Catching sight of another nearby novice, Miya snapped at the girl causing her to almost leap out of her skin and make a squeeking noise.  A nearby brown made a ’shhhh’ sound at the child for her error.  “I require a large glass of milk, slightly warmed from the kitchens and if a Brown tries to stop you from bringing it in here you just tell them it’s for me and for LIGHT’S SAKE don’t spill any.”

 

The girl bobbed a curtsey and said quickly, “Yes, Aes Sedai.” 

 

Turning back to Serey, Miya smiled to see the girl already reading.  “Very good.”  She said softly, whether or not that was directed to Serey or the child who was running off half terrified was never made clear.

 

(( Not sure but maybe this will count as a class for you since I’m making you write up stuff.  Feel free to reply with either what she asked of you… or just ask questions if you need and say you wrote it… whatever is more fun for you and helps develop your character more. ))

 

[Serey]

At first, Serey read to hide her embarrassment.  She never much cared for compliments and she definitely didn't expect to get one from Miya Sedai.  Light! I practically waved the parchment in her face.  Serey bit her lower lip and turned a page.  She hoped the woman didn't think she had been fishing for a compliment.

 

But then, she began to pay attention to what she was reading and Serey let out a short laugh.  Had Willa Ness ever even been to Amadicia?  She skimmed through the remainder of the chapters on Amadician justice before setting it aside and reaching for the next book. 

 

Narrin Bental, at least, seemed to know what he was writing about.  His book gave an excellent overview of the laws that ruled Amadicia.  But, having grown up in Amadicia, there were few laws Bental could tell her that she did not already know.  What Serey found interesting was Bental's interpretation of the laws-  Why, for instance, did all nobles have to build their houses out of wood?  She had been told, as a child, it was to show that they needed only the protection of the Light.  Many commoners also avoided stone when building their own houses, to prove that they too were protected under the Light.  Bental's interpretation:  the nobles were forced to build with wood so that they could not defend themselves from attack- and thus had limited ability to build a resistance to either the King's rule, or against the  Children of the Light.

 

Interest peaked, Serey moved on to the next chapter, Common Law:

The laws governing the common folk are clearer in their reasoning.  A thief is to be punished, no matter how valuable the item stolen, because taking what does not belong to you is wrong.  At the same time, the punishments for crimes committed by the common folk are far harsher that anything done to a noble or a Child of the Light.  The strict laws not only serve to discourage the citizens from wrongful acts, but for those who commit them, the punishments often serve as a constant reminder to not sin again.  For example, with thievery the first offense results in branding, the second amputation of the dominant hand, and the third death by hanging.

 

Serey closed the book, having read enough.  Her forehead felt hot and itchy.  She suppressed the urge to push aside her bangs, and reached for the the last book.  Lars Heflin's writting on the Children was so accurate and detailed, Serey couldn't help but think he had been one himself, or at least that he was Amadician. 

 

Serey looked up at the large clock at the front of the library.  It was almost the end of her free hour, and she hadn't penned a single word.  Serey set the book down and picked up the quill.  She dared a peek at Miya, out of the corner of her eye.  Besides the ageless face, she could have been anyone's grandmother.  Surely an Aes Sedai as old as her would know all there was to know about Amadicia- or if she did not, wouldn't need the assistance of a novice to gather information and reach conclusions.

 

So, what did she want?  Serey sighed.  It didn't really matter.  Right now, the woman obviously wanted Serey to write an essay, so she would write her a bloody essay.

 

Research on Amadician Law and Justice, by Serey Dorrin- Novice of the White Tower

 

Preliminary findings

~From “Midland Justice” by Willa Ness: 

Ness believes the people of Amadicia to be cowed, unhappy people who live each day in fear.  Her writing reflects such views.  She goes further to assume that much of the justice served out by the Whitecloaks is undeserved, and that innocents are found guilty of crimes to remind the populace of the harsh punishments doled out to those who break the law.  My conclusions based on Ness's writing is that outsiders see Amadician law as overly strict, cruel, and unjust.  While the laws are strict, and the punishments may not always appear to fit the crime, in my own experience justice is served.  Everyone accused gets a trial and a chance to prove their innocents, a fact Ness failed to mention.

 

~From “The Law of the Land - a review of Amadician Law” by Narrin Bental:

This book is accurate in its descriptions of the laws.  Bental takes it a step further by delving into the possibly reasons for each law, and how such laws affect everyday life as well as the politics of Amadicia.

 

~From “By the Light - An overview of the Children of the Light” by Lars Heflin:

Another accurate book about the history of the Children, how they came to power, and how they maintain their unique position in Amadician society.

 

Serey blew on the parchment to help dry the ink, and frowned as she re-read her work.  It was certainly amateurish, rushed, and only grazed the surface of the topic.  But, as the clock chimed the hour and marked the end of her free period, it would have to serve.

 

Setting the parchment down, she stood and dropped a curtsy.  “Begging your pardon, Miya Sedai, but I'm due in the kitchens.”

[Miya]

Miya picked up the report and read it calmly, listening at the girl prattled on about some chore she needed to go perform.  Waving a dismissive hand she let the child disappear without a word.

 

---

 

That night as Serey returned to her room, exhausted from a long day of work, she would find a small book, quill, and corked ink well on her bed.  The book was full of blank pages with the exception of the first page which contained a slightly less neat copy of her report from earlier that day.  According to the notation at the bottom of the report "as transcribed by Miya Kiyoshi, Blue Ajah."  A small note lay loosely tucked in the pages to explain -

 

Novices have no possessions and so this is not a gift, it is a chore.

You will write each day in this book until it is full or you are raised to accepted  - whichever comes first.

You will remark on novice life and the things you learn while you are here.

You will reflect on your past and how it is negatively and positively effecting your performance.

You will speculate on how your experience & wisdom gained could help others in the future.

And lastly, each ten day you will serve me tea at high bells in the garden where you will let me review your week’s entries and we shall discuss them.

~Miya Kiyoshi, Blue Ajah

 

(( oc:  Feel free to respond to receiving the “chore” and if you like we can do another thread or two where you get to meet with her to review your week.  I figure things are bound to come up repeatedly as you discussed in your pm and we can rp out that as it occurs.  Thanks for the tips, I mean to use them.  It’s been real fun rp’ing with you so far!  Thanks for sharing your story! ))

[Serey]

At High Bell, Serey made her way to the garden with a tray of tea and biscuits.  Miya Sedai was waiting for her.  And setting the tray beside the woman, Serey bobbed a quick curtsy and handed over the journal she had spent the last week writing in.  

 

It was hard, turning the book over, knowing that Miya would read each and every written word.  Numerous times Serey had wondered exactly why the woman wanted her to write it in the first place.  She was a Blue, after all, and Blues had causes.  Was Miya's personal quest to help Novices?  Serey doubted it, but could not think of how a novice writing a diary could serve any other.

 

Trying not to fidget, Serey waited to be told what was expected of her now...

 

Forward:  The following is a daily account of the life of a novice of the White Tower.  The purpose is to allow others to gain perspective from the novice's experience, and to pass along whatever wisdom she finds (or stumbles upon.)

 

Day 11

Let me begin by explaining the date.  While this marks the first day of my journaling, it is my 11th day in novice white.  My first week as a novice was very much unremarkable, and typical of any other initiate of the Tower.  All of my belongings were taken from me and put into storage.  The dress I wore on my initial visit to the Mistress of Novices (the Aes Sedai in charge of all of the Tower's initiates) was burned and I was given a white dress to replace it.  My slippers are white, my shift is white, even my hair ribbon and purse are white.  The room I am staying in is small, windowless, and sparely furnished.  I was enrolled in a class to teach me the decorum and proper etiquette expected of a novice, and one on geography (a subject in which I am lacking).  The rest of my days were filled with chores.

 

A typical day has been as follows:

-Wake up

-Clean room (sweep and scrub the floor, make the bed, and dust the furnishings)

-Get dressed/ perform morning routine

-Breakfast

-Morning class

-Free hour (one hour to be spent studying/ preparing for classes, or performing extra chores for punishment)

-Morning chores

-Afternoon chores

-Dinner

-Afternoon class

-Late afternoon chores in the kitchen

-Supper

-Evening chores

-Free hour

-Bedtime

 

Today was different in that I reported to the Mistress of Novices (MoN) for the first time, to report a transgression.  Yesterday, I was informed that my dress was dirty.  As punishment, the MoN gave me a lecture about keeping up ones appearances, and I had my backside paddled 5 times.  It very much made me feel like a naughty little girl.  But, if I dirty my dress like one, I cannot complain when I am then treated like one.

 

I am tired now, as writing this has kept me up past my normal bed time, and thinking is becoming difficult.  So, what I've written will have to do.

 

Day 12

I have decided that breakfast is my favorite time of day.  Other novices complain of how we must eat in complete silence, and only have ten minutes to eat our fill.  But I live for those ten minutes.  For at breakfast I have yet to make any mistakes.  I can eat with a clear consciousness and the hopes that this day will be better than the last.

 

Today was not better than the last.  I fell asleep during morning class and had to report once more to the MoN.  I received another beating.  Further, I am to spend all my free hours for the next three days in the kitchens.  As I write this, my nails are as black as the ink you read.  While the pots I scrubbed were cleaned, I fear my hands were stained.  I need to find a knife to trim  back my nails.  Maybe then they won't hold dirt so well.  Another novice suggested that I simply bite them off- but I've not the guts to do it.

 

Day 13

Today I made no transgressions and thus evaded another visit to the MoN, for which I am glad.  But I fear that without my free hours to study, I am falling behind in classes.  I started a new class today:  “Introduction to Saidar” and we learned about the one power and the 5 elements.  Further, I was given a list of names of women who were stilled (cut off from the power)  to memorize.  So I make this note short, in fear that if I don't study the list a bit before I blow out my candle I will be back to the Mistress's Study in the morrow for not knowing the class material.

 

Day 14

I am exhausted and sleep deprived.  Some of this comes from the extra chores I have been doing, some from staying up late last night studying, and the rest from my “Introduction to Saidar” class.  

 

Today, for an hour I sat in a classroom trying to pretend I was a rosebud.  Thinking myself a flower is suppose to help focus my mind so that I may embrace Saidar.  So far all thinking of a flower has done is given me aches of the head.

 

A thorn in my side is that most of the novices in the class managed to embrace Saidar, even if it were just once and only momentarily.  I shall try not to judge my progress off of them, and instead shall hope that tomorrow will be the day that I manage the task, myself.  

 

Day 15

Today I have been released of my extra shifts in the kitchens.

Today I failed to embrace Saidar.

 

Day 16

As I write this, I sit in the library.  It is my evening free hour, and I have decided to take a break from studying geography to pen my entry early in the hopes that I will then be able to go to sleep that much sooner.  Nothing worth noting has occurred today, so I figure it is a good as time as any to spend some time explaining my own background.

 

So here is the short of it:  I grew up in Amadicia.  My father was a soldier for the Children of the Light, and my mother a good-wife.  Unlike some in the tower, I did not grow up wanting to be Aes Sedai.  I grew up fearing them.  Sometimes that fear still creeps up on me, and I wonder if by entering the Tower I have made a grave mistake.  For now, I can never return to my home, to my country.  By studying at the Tower, I have more surely than any other novice, severed all ties to my past life.  

 

But, don't let such sentiment convince you I am unhappy.  I will be Aes Sedai- and not because someone has told me I must train in the Tower.  I came here freely and because I wanted to learn about the world, and about the power.  But most of all because I want to be Aes Sedai.

 

Day 17

Today I have done it!  I embraced the source.  I am so relieved.  Though I did not write of it, I had begun to fear that I had a block (a mental -elf-defense that prevents a channeler from reaching the source).  But I do not have a block, and I can embrace the source.  Of course, I've only managed it once, and when I did I was so surprised that I lost it again.

 

Today was also the first day that I have readied for bed and not been completely exhausted.  Perhaps it was the extra thirty minutes of sleep I had last night.  But, heres to hoping that it was not the extra sleep, and rather that I have finally become acclimated to my busy schedule.  

 

Day 18

It was the extra 30 minutes of sleep.  I can barely keep my eyes open and shall write no more tonight.

 

Day 19

Today I shall make mention of exactly why I am writing this journal.  I know that in the forward I said some things, but they were half-truths.  The full reason I am writing this is because I was told that I must.  It is a chore set on me by an Aes Sedai.  At first I thought it better to make no note of this, but if this journal ever does make it into the hands of someone other than myself or that Aes Sedai I thought it best to have the whole truth out there.  

 

That said:  as part of this chore I am not only to write about my experiences, but also to reflect on my past, and speculate on how my present and past experiences relate to each other.

 

Tomorrow I am to turn the journal over for the Aes Sedai to read and as I have yet to do any speculating I shall do it now:

 

Novice life is well known to be harsh.  It is also known that the reason for it is so that the Tower can weed out the weak.

 

I think everyone has it wrong.

 

Novices are not plants growing in a garden.  The hardship is not some gardener trying to determine which of the plants are weeds to pull up and throw away.

 

Rather, I think the reason Tower life is hard is because the Tower is trying to make Aes Sedai, not grow them.

 

As I have mentioned before, my father was a soldier.  And when new recruits join the ranks their lives are made difficult.  This is not to make the weak run away, but rather to make the weak strong.

 

A better analogy, perhaps would be a mason set the task to build a wall.  In this analogy, the new wall is an Aes Sedai.  However, when the mason goes to the spot where the wall is to be built he finds one already there (the Novice).  But the old wall is weak, and couldn't possibly stand up to an attack, in fact it cannot even serve its function as a wall.  So the mason starts by chipping away at the old wall, getting rid of all the weak points (the hardship of novice training).  By doing so he makes his way down to the solid foundation of the wall and there he is able to begin laying new bricks (the classes novices take, and the time spent as Accepted).  These new bricks are set correctly, and make for a strong wall.

 

Maybe building a wall isn't the correct analogy...

 

What I mean to say is that the Tower does not weed out the weak, the Tower rids its initiates of their weaknesses.  Yes, there are many who break under the strain and leave the Tower.  But one only has to look at any Accepted or Aes Sedai to see that for those who do not break under the strain, the Tower makes them into strong, capable women.

 

Then again, I could be spewing nonsense.  After all, no matter how many times I try to convince myself that the Tower is NOT trying to break me- it so often feels like it.  Except, of course, at breakfast.  For at breakfast I am invincible!

 

 

 

 

**EDIT:  added in the last two lines- which didn't get copied over, for some reason...**

[Miya]

Miya closed the book and set it to the side.  For a while she was silent but then nodded to herself.  "Suppose, for a moment, that an Aes Sedai found reason to clean the pots in the kitchens."  Miya waved a hand to forestall any silly statements of how foolish that was, that an Aes Sedai would never do that... Never mind that it was a valid point.

 

"Now, as foolish a sight as that seems to you... consider the dedication she'd put into cleaning the pot.  Imagine the appearance she'd try to give off to others as she worked.  Imagine all that she might accomplish in doing that simple act of cleaning."  Miya paused to let the girl think.

 

"Of course you could suspect that no one cleaning a pot could be of any particular use in a kitchen other than to make certain the pot was clean... but, what might she hear in pretending her only purpose was to clean the pot?  How often do Lords and Ladies overlook those beneath them in station and speak far too freely... “  Miya realized then who she was talking to and noted that it was very unlikely that the girl knew anything about nobles at all.  “… well, trust me when I say that people often are too free with their words when they think no one important is about."  Miya nodded firmly, she had seen it many times before.

 

“The sister would produce the cleanest pot in all the world because no Sister takes up a cause they can not dedicate themselves fully to; whether it’s saving kingdoms from ruthless dictators, washing pots or defending the rights of commoners from an oppressive governing body.”  Think girl… think…

 

“She would be the appearance of perfection while she worked, an example to other servants who scrub pots so that they might know how best to do their work in years to come and so that they could learn to take pride in their work.  No task, no matter how menial, is unimportant so long as it helps even one other soul.  THAT is the lesson of the Aes Sedai… translated from the old tongue:  Servant of All.”  Miya hands the book back to the girl.

 

“You must first learn to serve before you can be a leader among servants.  This week, as you work, endeavor to not just survive your chores but master them.  Imagine the shawl already square on your shoulders and that you do all of this only because you wish to with all your heart.  Imagine that your time here at the tower is because you have chosen a mission of great importance; one in which the lives of innocent people who are wrongly accused of some crime, hang in the balance.”  Inwardly Miya smiled to herself but made no show of it on her face.

 

“To succeed and help them, you must work long hours with little free time, you must behave as expected, study endlessly, suffer under the lash from time to time and even slave away in your enemy’s stronghold doing menial labor.  All the while it is imperative that you keep the appearance of serenity as it may give strength and hope to those you mean to help… or, should you fail, rob them of it.”  Miya stood slowly, her bones making noises as she did.  Still, despite the pain the old woman was clearly in, her face remained as smooth as glass.

 

“It may seem childish to play pretend all week and journal about it but, if you want to see that banded dress as fast as any girl ever has… it’s not One Power alone that will get you there.  Mark me, child.  Now, clean this mess up and report to the Mistress of Novices office… your hem is gray again.  I‘ll see you next week.”  With that Miya walked slowly inside, leaning on her staff a little more than she wanted to as she went.