Spymaster Report 10/12/08

[Justen Diablos]

First off I need to make me a country music playlist as a background for this here report.  Because that's how the kid does, that's where I'm at in life.  Three of the six songs on the heaviest of rotation on the media player lately are country (Stay by Sugarland, Home by Blake Shelton, I'm movin' on by Rascall Flatts (what can I say, it's depressing and I like it)) So I'm going to go make a playlist. Oh and I need to text Cads.

 

Done, and Done.

 

I accidentally broke my earphones as I got up to grab my cell phone by the way, so I had to grab an old pair that only has one working earpiece.  Now I only have half the surround sound experience.  Bah, Bah I say.

 

...

 

*composes himself*

 

It's time for the weekly installment of the Spymaster Report, I know normally this is done on Thursday, but it's not like this is some official report or anything.  It's just something I write for Emp and Cads and the three random people per week that stumble upon it.  At this point it's really more of a homage to the olden days and the CoL than anything real newslike.  Aside from that I think I'm going to move it to Tuesday after this, because Tuesday's better for me. *shrugs*  No real reason actually, it's just better. *g*  Anyway since I skipped the wolfies last week I brought in a drunken wolfie to help me with the news.  Isn't that right boy?

 

(Henceforth my assistannt wolfie's words will be written [glow=red,2,300]in glowing letters[/glow] because I saw Barmy and his crew (Jason actually roused himself even, it's like Christmas come early) use it in their little Admin game thing they were playing and thought it was moderately cool)

 

[glow=red,2,300]You're f'n right Judden![/glow]

 

It's Justen actually my drunken canine friend, but that's a good doggie anyway.  *throws his wolfie a treat (wolf treats are comprised entirely of solidified vodka (difficult to make a reality but well worth the effort))*

 

 

World News

 

We'll start in the mythical land of Canadia, as always.  You know I'm no expert on Canadia, though I am attempting to learn n' stuff.  Yet from all I've read it appears the current Canadian Prime Minister actually scheduled this election himself in an attempt to completely take over the Canadian Govermnent (Barm might have said that actually but when do I listen to Barm anyway? (Right Tenshin?)).  Now if this is indeed the case that's awesome.  The fact that the President or whatver he wants to call himself can just up and decide one day he's going to hold an election is awesome.  Throw that together with cheap drugs and lax prostitution laws (that's what Paityr tells me anyway (I guess he used to cross the border from Alaska every once in a while for some quick eskimo lovin' of the canadian variety (that he had to pay for))) and Canadia's got a great little country there.  What do you think doggie?

 

[glow=red,2,300]Canadian prostitutes make great bacon and eggs![/glow]

 

Um, is that a metaphor or something?

 

[glow=red,2,300]Huh? *blinks* Do you have to piss too or is it just me?[/glow]

 

Wrapping up Canadia (in a neat little Canadian bundle smothered in maple syrup (because they put maple syrup on everything))

 

[glow=red,2,300]It's really good on Canadian hookers![/glow]

 

Ack! Bad boy, that's a very bad boy. *whaps his wolfie with a newspaper*

 

This is a PG 13 report.  Plus I don't think you're allowed to comment on my parentheticals (since to be grammatically technical they're not actually a part of my report (or something, not really sure (I'll have to ask Sin Death (He knows quite a bit aboot (That's canadian for about) parenthesis for some reason)))). 

 

In other news.

 

Local politics out of Alaska (which is right next to Canadia on the map so I assume they're near each other even though I've never been); (I'm pretty sure that's not an appropriate use of the semi-colon but I don't hear him saying anything about it. Right wolfie?

 

[glow=red,2,300]I thought i couldn't talk about your sissy little parenthesiseseiss?[/glow]

 

Well technically you're inside them right now.

 

[glow=red,2,300]Huh, I though I was inside a massive ball of gay that you try to pass off every week as some sort of relevant weekly steeple here at DM.[/glow]

 

That was a very coherent insult for a drunk puppy.

 

[glow=red,2,300]I'm full of surprises, I even have another one for you if you close your eyes.  I heard you like your humour dry, so I've got a nine inch joke for you right here...[/glow]

 

PG 13 wolfie, that includes innuendo's too.

 

[glow=red,2,300]inuen...erm, what?  Hey did I just eat glue? I feel funny.[/glow]

 

Well, we could probably get out of this here parenthisis now.  Steps____) it seems they had themselves a hearing about Governor Palin's reported abuse of power.  I mean if you can't use your authority as a government official to make life miserable for your familial enemies what good is public office anyway?

 

Anyone?

 

I didn't think so.  Her running mate John McCain has promised to "Whip his (Barak Obama) ass" at the upcoming election.  When asked about this comment Barak simply said he'd keep out of McCain's reach.  Further going on to say "About six inches away should be more than enough."  Barak's running mate Joseph Biden (when not boring random folk on the street to death (literal death people, nothing figurative about it) called upon McCain and Palin to stop their racist campaigning.  Other democrats took it even further, comparing Senator McCain to former Governor George Wallace.  McCain simply responded "Hey, if I was Governor Wallace that Obama kid would still be picking my cotton while his wife drove my kids to school.  Because I get things done in Washington."  By the time McCain was able to further explain what he really meant (after a short nap and an episode of Matlock) he had already lost Virginia.  Palin's only response was a vague smile as she went from her car into a building, as she left the building she continued by saying "..." something no one really caught on microphone and then an enigmatic smile, eliminating the vaguery from before.  "I don't like vagueness" She was quoted saying on Fox News after Sean Hannity asked her what her favorite color was, she went on "I favor the color blue...though purple is pretty too...

 

Oh, I also like the color of impropriety, it goes great with my favorite pair of shoes"

 

Obama, after finding out about McCain's comments and his increasing lead in Virginia immediatly hopped a plane to the battleground state and gave a speach about what a 'Great guy John McCain is' saying "I'd let him babysit my kids and have his way with my wife if he wanted, I mean he's just that fantastic a man"  When spotted outside a local 7-11 reportedly paying a homeless man to vote for McCain Obama broke down and admitted he'd only ran for his party's nomination on a drunken double dog dare from Russ Feingold, and that he had no desire to be the first black president.  His quote "Until they make bullet proof glass strong enough to resist the rocket launchers of the various southern militia's I'd really rather not be President." going on to say "Oh by the way, have I mentioned John McCain loves puppies? And I love John McCain, but not in that way...unless it will get you to not vote for me."

 

I think that's enough for the world news don't you wolfie?

 

[glow=red,2,300]I think deviled eggs really make a room smaller about an hour after you eat them.[/glow]

 

That's disgusting.

 

Next up.

 

DM News

 

What time is it people?  Well, I'm guessing you're going to start over at the Seanchan board and not explain the reasons behind such.  If I'm not mistaken that's where you're at in life, that's how the kid does.  You know what?  Nope.  That's not where I'm going at all.  And I'm not explaining why it's not anymore than I explained why it was. 

 

We'll start with the Aiel.  There's actually nothing new under the sun over there at the Aiel board.  They're still discussing scary movies though, so if you enjoy thoughtful discussion about scary movies head on over to the Aiel board and join their monthly thread.  Next up the Band of the Red Hand they're taking new applicants for 'Assistant Gambler'.  I wasn't aware the Band had a gambling program, and I actually think this is kind of cool (Though they still have too many sticky's).  Anyway if you're finding out about this position from this report you're probably not active enough in the Band to get the job  :P, but if you're in the band and already knew about the job and are wondering if it's something you should apply for I say go ahead.  Because it sounds interesting, and that's what life is all about.  Closing date for apps is Wednesday, so you best be off and get to polishing that resume.  Don't worry, this Report probably won't be deleted by then (unless the wolfie starts cursing and gets me banned from the site, fortunately he appears to be asleep (passed out) right now) so you can always come back when you're done.  To be honest this thread will probably be at the top of the board still, unless the board has a sudden activity spurt.  They also did promotions over there, but I think I covered it last week right?  I don't know (I could check I guess but I'll not), in any case congrats to Tigara who's the only person on that list I know. 

 

Hey the Black Tower is talking about me.  ;D aww, it makes the emoticon happy to know that somebody loves me.  The Seanchan never fed and watered me properly, a JD is a responsibility for goodness sake.  You want your very own JD you have to understand how truly high maintenence we are.  Anyway apparantly Roka (Spymaster favorite for a fairly long time) is awarding points to those who get in the good graces of your boy JD.  So...here's how it's done.

 

1.  Read my Spymaster Report.  Since I'm going to tell you how it's done in this report it's probably the best place to look.

2.  Post thoughtfully.  I don't expect the kind of grandiose ego tripping mile long threads that I generally start, but I really do enjoy a little bit of content with my humor.  Speaking of humor...

3.  Be funny, make me laugh.  And remember I don't like Jim Carrey/Tom Green/JackAss/Three Stooges kind of humor.  I'm all about wordplay, dry humor, sarcasm (it's a beautiful thing), amusing insults (including but not limited too making fun of Paityr).

4.  Be nice to Cadsuane (but not too nice  >:( you cheeky bastards) because she rocks my world.

 

I had more points but I forgot them when I got up to take a piss.  Apparantly my creativity drains out with what's left of the Orange Juice (after my body extracts vital nutrients n such).  Next thing you know I'll just start talking in incomplete sentences and throwing around emoticon's like they're skittles at a valentines day parade (although maybe getting inside the mind of the Shayol Ghul will help me to better understand this point system they refuse to teach me about)(on a seperate parenthetical I like skittles, that could be number five black tower folk.  Find me and give me skittles, they're tasty and colorful).

 

To keep it short at the BT I'll just read and report on the threads that were active today, they're entirely too busy over there posting for me to read it all.  And the twenty two minutes I spent over there last week caused me to have this drunken wolfie following me around today...

 

Hey, my Circa 2000 Spymaster Report is over there.  Roka posted it (presumably to show the rest of them BT boys that he was once upon a great and deadly force at DM). See, now I feel bad, because I was supposed to be over at the BT last week to engage in a takeover (of course no one knew I was coming so technically no one probably noticed that I didn't show up  ;)).  I had originally planned to visit and post random stories and at the end of the week have a dance (because Elgee asked me if I would (and I like dances)) but then I got sidetracked.  Now I feel bad (not because I didn't show up last week though because really, I'm JD, I'll get there when I get around to it  :P, but because now my visit will seem to coincide with this odd JD fixation they've found themselves working through, so it will lesson the excitement of me just showing up and yelling out "HEY! I'M NOT WEARING PANTS" and that was really going to be the highpoint of the week). 

 

DM is loading slow again.  Why do I do these reports in the middle of the night?  I forget.  While I'm waiting I'll let you all in on a little secret.  I feel like texting Cads, but it's not my turn, it's hers, so I'll just randomly text other people and let them bask in the amazing that is Gerry (or JD if you'd rather).  Is the board loaded yet? *checks* Ironically enough the thread I was waiting on was Dunbar's post complaining about slow loading times on the BT private boards. 

 

...

 

*shrugs*

 

I didn't say it was funny, just ironic.  If you assumed irony from me is always funny then that's a complex you've got to deal with on your own (or perhaps go see a man with a couch)....

 

They have a lot of links at the BT.  I went back and read Tayol's inflation post (even though it hadn't been posted on today) because I knew it was new and figured he wouldn't do a link (since he didn't with the last thing I read of his on the BT board (the $1000 (or $999 (or something completely different but still a high dollar amount)) application thingy) but he had a link (and I still don't follow links despite heavy lobbying from the link people).

 

Let's away from the Black Tower though now.   This report feels long.  I started it two hours ago (and I feel like I have at least another hour or two to go (for the record it's the reading of the posts that takes so long, not my writing I can type more than two and a half words per minute)).   

 

The Illuminator's board is a whole new experience for me since I joined their fine org.  They have a lot of Child boards I really don't feel like reading.  I hate the fact that orgs have all these intro posts and rules.  Why can't I just join an org and just be me without all these rules n stuff?  Why the hoops DM? I'm not the jumper I used to be.  Um, at the Illumator's proper board I was about causing mischief right around the time of my last Spymaster Report.  The Band has also kind of taken over that board with their various song things.  There's a floriography seminar going on, and I enjoy stuff like that so I'll give that thread the official JD 'Thread of the Week'.  It's original, interesting, and has Spymaster favorites like nephitess and Jelly making guest spots.  So go read it (i'm not saying it's great or anything, but it's different, and different can be good when you read as many posts as I do).

 

The Kin... Is halloween really a holiday?  I vote no.  Not to say I'm not doing anything on Halloween.  I'm actually going trick or treating with my friend Dominique and her kid, she say's this girl Jasmine is coming along (just found out today) which is crazy because I wasn't aware they were even friends.  I think this Jasmine chick is stalking me, but since none of you know who any of these people are I'll stop now.  I was just saying I'm going trick or treating (not personally but with a small child (*nods inside the parenthesis*)) so it's not like I'm a grinch (of halloween) or anything.  I just don't think it's a holiday (still enjoy it muchly).  Really not a lot going on over at the Kin.  They still have their spammers thread which is deep into the 8000s right now.  But to give you an indication of where they're at in life (this is how the Kin roll) they have a Twinnie socks day (September 4th (that was over a month ago by the way (and also coincidentally the day that I started dating my ex fiance Tina (who is another person in my life you have no idea who I'm talking about))) thread that was just posted on yesterday (I mean twinnie socks day happened already, what could they possibly have to add this late in the game?  Well, through the magic of copy and pasting and within the sacred boundaries of thid parenthetical I'll show you...

 

 

nephitess

Dragonmount Member

Member

 

Offline

 

Gender:

 

Green Ajah GLO

 

 

    Re: The Official TWINNIE SOCK DAY!!!!

« Reply #29 on: October 11, 2008, 08:40:39 AM » Quote 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh I'm sorry i missed this!!!

 

*snugles Twin*

 

Report A Spambot    Logged 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

It's interesting how copy and paste translates a DM post.  Anyway that was obviously nephetiss returning from some sort of absence.  And yes she is still a spymaster favorite, but that post isn't the best of examples (I'm starting to think Hax is right and I just randomly pick out girls and label them spymaster fav's because I'm a chauvenistic pig and all that (not that it's a bad thing  :-*))).

 

 

This country music playlist has looped a bunch of times already.  I really like 'God Blessed the Broken Road' by Rascall Flatts.  It's a great track (old, but very good).

 

[glow=red,2,300]Dude, stop with the motherfu...*throws up* ugh! parenthesis already.  It's enough.  I don't want to see them, or hear you use the word. Or...just stop man.  It's not cute or funny anymore.[/glow]

 

I thought you were sleeping.

 

[glow=red,2,300]I wish[/glow] 

 

That's unecessarily hurtful.

 

The Ogier have nothing going on.  Which bums me out because when I first started doing these again they had quite a bit happening over there.  Seanchan news.  Apparantly the miniseries V is being remade.  That's cool.  I remember watching that with my mom and thinking it was mad awesome (course I was really young at the time).  There was some talk about Halo 3 (Which included the return of Segurant (yay)), and Starcraft.  Eleventh Hour as well.  So if you're curious about any of those things then check out the 'Chan board.  Also it's a great place to find movie news (if you're into that sort of thing anyway ;)) as my boy Empy is usually on top of all the latest movie gossip and the like. 

 

SG have posts, I read posts...

 

and I'll recap thread by thread my thoughts on all things Ghul.

 

First of all Dunbar's point post in which he uses a biblical device in an attempt at humor (I mean I know you all think he's funny and I'm trying to understand you but I just don't know if I can get there from here).  It's a really old thread (I missed it before though apparantly) so I just read pages one, two, and eight.  eclipse posted a picture of himself in a kilt (eclipse looks a good deal like Ron Jeremy by the by). Read all four pages, I got nothing. chillimous has been here four years. FDM is informing her fellow SG type people about the Admin game thing I referenced earlier.  Apparantly FDM takes it upon herself to usurp me in my duties as official...erm, teller of things.  I've still got my eye on you.  A former spymaster fav with an abundance of vowels smack dab in the middle of her name is sporting brand new halloween sigs, and also pimping an auction happening somewhere in the hidden areas of Shayol Ghul.  I'd buy  Talya, because she's been a randomly amusing read for me tonight.  I've read a couple other posts that I didn't write about.  Sorry SG.

 

Let's do Wolfkin.  Soy Boyo is now in charge of the Wolfkin (he's the new Org leader and stuff) so by all means go and congratulate him and wish him good luck on his new...whatever. *g* Soy is a Spymaster favorite and a starring character in my Silly Wars trilogy, so I'm very happy with the selection.  Congrats Soyo, I still probably won't read your board.  Except Paw Prints, because it takes effort to put out something like that and I appreciate the dedication it takes to consitantly produce stuff for your fellow DMers to enjoy. 

 

Pawprints was good again, but a little short (which the wolfies apologized for (I'm considering accepting their apology)).  It also lacked the interview section.  I was gone from DM during their last pawprints and therefore missed Empy's interview, though I read it later and noted my name mentioned and all was right with DM. 

 

Finally, saving the best for last...

 

The White Tower.

 

Damn, I'm really far behind *goes to reading*

 

I'm glad this is my last stop.

 

ooooh, autumn fair, going to take place the twentieth through the 26 (why would I write 20th and then use the numerical version of twenty-sixth?  That doesn't make sense, that's not how sane people behave).  It looks like it could just be made of awesome.  So go check out the Autumn fair thread over at the White Tower for the complete list of events n' such. If it looks newsworthy enough I'll go into greater depth next week (Tuesday...a week from Tuesday that is).  Paityr went crazy in the candle thread.  Paityr is funny.

 

I'll end my report with Paityr.  You're my boy Pait.

 

The End.

 

[glow=red,2,300]Thank God[/glow]

 

JD,

Spymaster

 

All editing was done to fix grammatical errors (didn't even come close to getting them all)

 

[Alaksuleiel]

hahaha it does seem that Pait is very serious about his candles!

Eli

[Emperor]

Justen forgot to mention his losses in FF the last two weeks.... I am sure he meant to mention them....

[Cadsuane]

Points:

 

1. Mmmmmm, maple syrup. *g*

 

2. You can text me even when it's not your turn.

 

3. Halloween IS a holiday. And apparently because it's on a Friday then we (not the royal we, but the "me and my crew" we) have plans and I need to find a costume. Unfortunately, the large part of my regular clothes are still in storage, let alone anything costume-y. I maybe have to skip the playing dress-up this year. Boo.

 

4. I'm wearing new shoes today. No, it has nothing to do with anything in the Report, I just felt like mentioning it because I feel all spiffy n' stuff.

[Justen Diablos]

Cads sweetie that's entirely too many points. 

 

;)

 

We've talked about this I believe.  Now it's time I punishe...

 

well, we'll talk about this in private.

 

JD,

Yeah, that JD

[Emperor]

Randomly... when did the kids start saying FTW?  Actually I bring this up cause I was going to say that the spymaster report is made up of win... and realized in saying that I would be trying to reach my inner child and be part of the Pepsi generation.  

[Cadsuane]

Yessir.  ;D

 

 

... I mean,  :-[

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: Dammit, Emp, don't interrupt us while we're flirting!  >:(  ;)

[Emperor]

You know my dream is to see Cadusten realized!!  Let me know if you kids need anything. 

 

Empy out!

[Barmacral]

This federal election in Canada is illegal, you see, Mr. Harper made it a law that Canada would have set election times every 4 years, no more no less, just like the United States, except in the case of when a minority government is booted out. Being the hypocrite that he is, Mr. Harper then called an election with neither of the above requirements fulfilled. And he's liable to win this election too. You'd like him though, JD, he's the Canadian version of a Republican.

[Majsju]

And behold, another American country turns into a banana republic. Seems like Mexico is the country that takes democracy and such thigns most serious over there ;D

[Justen Diablos]

Are you calling me the American version of a Canadian Republican?  Because that might just be an insult.

 

And for your information I don't like him because he's not a chick

 

JD,

Spymaster

[Barmacral]

No, Canadians don't have republicans, we have Conservatives. The Conservatives aren't nearly so right wing as the Republicans are, though Harper, the leader of the conservative party, can be. Right now he's got some more liberal leanings though, as many of our other parties are very left wing at the moment.

[Alaksuleiel]

Our conservative party her in Australia is called the Liberal Party.

our 'liberal' party is called the Labor Party.

Our hippy party are the greens.