Training Harder....A Wake-up Call

[Sieve]

Perivar worked the forms, sword in his right hand and singuata in his left.  He had been at it for hours.  Working through every maneuver he knew.  One of the benefits of the bond was increased endurance.  He could continue fighting or training long after others would have crumbled from exhaustion.  He figured he would put that little benefit to good use.  Loraine Sedai was having the children tutored and Kabria had no need of him for the moment so he took advantage of the free time.

 

He could feel Kabria, more than that he could turn and point right to her.  By the direction he suspected that she was at the inn with Loraine Sedai.  This close to her he could tell her mood in a manner of speaking, tell what direction and roughly how far away she was.  Farther away he would just be able to tell direction and whether or not she was alive.  At the moment he was not more than a hundred paces from her.  He probed the bond without conscious thought.  She seemed to be focused, perhaps she was reading or learning another new weave from Loraine Sedai.  He was getting a little better at reasoning out what passed through the bond.  No amount of training though could prepare him for the feeling of someone else nestled in your head.  It definately took some getting used to.   The hardest to get used to was when they were intimate.  That was certainly an eye opener.  Even in the cool Borderland climate he could feel his cheeks heating.  Some called this weather cold but to him, a Borderlander it was cool.   

 

 

Even in the cool air beads of sweat showed on his face though inside the void he was barely aware of it.  He was one with the sword, one with the singuata, one with the ground and his surroundings.  It was the Ko'di, the oneness that let him know he was being watched.  Perivar Folded the Fan then hung his singuata on his belt and nodded to the Shienaran.  The man with the top knot returned Perivar's nod and he noticed the Shienaran's eyes drift to the singuata.

 

Perivar approached the man trying to seem relaxed as opposed to a leopard that was about to spring.  "A singuata" he said then handed it to the man for him to inspect.  "I am Perivar Tarigan, Warder to Kabria Delondre, Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah." He introduced himself.  The Shienaran soldier returned the courtesy offering his name and house.  Dangar Malavin of House Riobi."I found that in a book in Tar Valon so I had a blackmith reproduce it for me.  I trained with it for a while and took a liking to it.  Forgive me but I forget the author and the origin of the weapon." 

 

It was unlike him to be so outgoing yet this man was the first Shienaran who did not openly glare at him.  He warned Kabria about it before they arrived but there was nothing to do about it except let the insults and glares slide.  If he was not bound to the White Tower he would have to have fought a hundred duels by now to avenge his honor.  It was only this attachment to the White Tower that allowed him to walk freely without worry about an attack.  Even without the tell tale belled braids it was obvious to most that he was Arafellin.  With all the trouble between the two Borderland nations he was not very popular in Shienar.  The fact that he was obviously a Warder did help in that most would be wary to openly insult one if they expected to leave with their hide intact.

 

Perivar glanced at a weapon rack with dozens of lances then at a strange contraption that stood about as high as a man.  It seemed to be on a pivot, a shield on one end of a crosspiece and a large sandbag on the other end.  "What is that...thing for" He motioned to the contraption.  "It is used to practice the lance."  The Shienaran said.  "You have a mount?" He asked then continued when Perivar nodded "If you like return here shortly after midday and I will show you how a lancer trains."  Perivar thanked him and indicated that he would return at midday.

 

Ever since that skirmish with the Trollocs and Myrddraal he felt the urge to train harder than ever.  He would learn every skill that might make him a better Warder for Kabria.  If he was going to be worthy of being her Warder then he had to be able to face more than four Trollocs at once.  That skirmish had been a wake-up call.  It still burned him that Kabria had bonded him to keep him alive, that was how he saw it.  She denied it but he did not believe her even though nothing in the bond supported his supposition.  Perhaps she thought the time was right but he had expected it to be different, he had dreamt it would be different. 

 

He walked towards the inn shifting his thoughts of training to thoughts of his Aes Sedai.  Hopefully Kabria would take time to sit and have the midday meal with him.  He enjoyed the rare opportunities when they were able to dine alone.  He enjoyed talking to her, enjoyed it immensely.  Her voice was soothing, like music to his ears. 

 

[Sieve]

Perivar walked into the inn without breaking stride paying no attention to the patrons though he saw everything.  The merchant sitting at the corner table slipping the serving girl a coin.  The outland Lord and his retinue who seemed to be hanging on their masters every word.  The innkeeper eyeing him warily as if he were as if Perivar would suddenly forget his ties to the White Tower and slit the man's throat.  Some Shienarans simply could not get over the fact that they had an Arafellin amongst them.  The thought set him on edge.  He was going to tamp it down but decided not to for the moment.  On his way to their room he realized that she was not in it.  As he neared Loraine Sedai and Master Kynwric's room he knew she was there.  He decided not to bother her so he turned around and made for the stables.  At one time he would have never thought of purposely skipping a meal.  The fact that he was not to dine with her put him more on edge.  This time he tamped it down else she may come after him to discover what had him feeling this way. 

 

Perivar waited patiently while the stablehand saw to Nightdancer.  He tossed the lad a coin then checked the saddlegirth.  He was sure this was not the first time the stablehand had seen one of his patrons do it.  Any experienced rider would check it themself.  The lad should not take offense at the precaution but apparently he did until Perivar glared at him.  The man gulped then averted his eyes.  Anger and frustration welled up again, Borderlanders should not be fighting each other.  They were sworn to fight the Shadow, what were the fools thinking.  Perivar did not know how much longer he could take these slights and not avenge his honor...his honor the thought made him chuckle which made the stablehand flinch.  Perivar vaulted into the saddle and booted Nightdancer into action.  His honor was his duty now, his service to Kabria was his duty.  He would take insults directed at himself but he would not abide them against her.

 

Less than fifty paces from the stable Perivar slowed Nightdancer to a trot and cursed himself for being a fool.  A light snow had fallen covering the paving and here he was galloping like the Dark One was on his heels.  He could have broken his warhorse's leg with a fool stunt.  Sure Nightdancer had been accustomed to the snow before he brought him to Tar Valon yet accidents could happen, especially on slickened paving stones.  At the training ground Perivar reined in Nightdancer and sat his saddle patiently waiting on Dangar.  Perhaps Kabria would dine with him tonight.  

[Eqwina]

Kabria was staring out the small window in her room and over the roof top to the brick building just I sight behind the Inn. As if she could see through stone and mortar she stared right at Perivar. Often since she’d bonded him she found herself just staring in his direction as if in a trance. In the first moments when she’d bonded him, in  last desperate attempt to save his life, she’d had no time to think on what it would mean to have someone else living in her head. All the secret smiles and lazy glances they shared were no longer a mystery; it was if everything had come alive the day Perivar took up residence in her mind.

 

As much as she loved him, and now knew that he loved her, it was a delicate line she walked. It had been hard to keep things from him before, and now the task was almost impossible. Not that she wanted to keep him out of her life, but there were something a girl wanted to keep to herself. Like the way her heart raced when he smiled at her from across the room, or the way she tingled at his touch. In mere moments her emotions had become and open book to him. Loraine and her other Ajah Sisters had told her that with time she would learn to control what he felt, but it was beyond her skill right now.

 

Closing the book resting in her lap she returned it to her saddle bags and went in search of Loraine. There was time before lunch and she wanted to question the older woman on some of the new weaves she’d learned. With very little opportunity to practice them she felt as if she still struck with a club where she should use a knife and was delicate where she needed force. Finding her fellow Green alone Kabria sat down and began her barrage of questions, each one getting her closer to her goal. More than an hour must have passed because she stopped mid-sentence and stared at the door. Perivar was just on the other side, and a moment later was headed away. “I am sorry Loraine..I must…” Kabria was so intent on why Perivar had left she didn’t even hear Loraine’s giggle as she left the room. The older sister found Kabria’s fresh bond amusing.

 

She stopped when she felt him leave the Inn and go into the stables. Rushing up the back stairs to the end of the hall she peered out the round window to see her Warder on Nightdancers back and heading from the stables as if the Dark One himself was on his heels. Sighing Kabria took the stairs slowly and returned to the room that they shared, picking up her book and trying to start where she left off. But all too soon, unbeknownst to herself she was starting towards the training ground where Perivar had gone.

 

[Sieve]

Dangar arrived shortly after Perivar and handed him a Lance to practice with.  After giving him a few pointers, Dangar demonstrated how to do it.  Perivar gave it a few tries, his skill with a horse was sufficient but his accuracy with the lance was off.  Now that he made a few passes the ground was cleared of its snowy covering to reveal the hard packed dirt below.  He slowed this time to srike the target and received a blow in back by the sandbag attached to the contraption.

 

Dangar brought him to a different apparatus with a bunch of rings hanging from a crosspiece.  With Perivar in his saddle the rings were slightly lower than eye level.  The rings were of various sizes, the largest were the size of a man's head and the smallest were no bigger than his clenched fist.  Perivar began working on the larger rings.  He felt Kabria coming closer.  He had hoped not to disturb her, but apparently he had.  She was probably curious as to why he came to the inn then left so abruptly.  He probably should have spoken to her though he did not want to bother her.

 

Perivar made another pass finally guiding the lance through one of the largest rings.  He reined in and lowered the lance letting the ring fall to the ground so it could be hung again from the cross piece.  He guided Nightdancer to the starting point then reined in as Kabria approached.  He gave her a smile and a bow appropriate to someone of her station since they were in public.  Then he introduced her to Dangar who bowed and said a few polite words to her.  Dangar excused himself going to check on the apparatus.

 

"I am sorry, I thought you were busy with Loraine Sedai.  I did not want to disturb you."  His words and the expression on his face were apologetic.  Hopefully she would not realize that he had skipped a meal.  It was only days since she had healed him and he had been eating enough for three men, no more like five.  Usually he would not fathom missing a meal though his frustration had outweighed his hunger.

[Eqwina]

Giving up on her book Kabria placed it back on the shelf and stood up pacing the short distance their room allowed. She could fell Perivar concentrating which meant he was working his forms or training in some way.  It seemed that since they had bonded a few days before he’d redoubled his efforts with his weapons. A fact that irritated her to know end..he was not yet fully healed and if her suspicions were corrected he was not eating as he should be. Perhaps he did not understand just how close he’d come to death.

 

Not able to stand the confines of their room any longer she grabbed a shawl and headed off in the direction of her Warder, following the bond to a practice yard of sorts. She stopped a little ways back watching him work with another large Borderlander. Smiling politely she said a few words to Dangar and complemented the bravery of men in his land. Aes Sedai words carried weight in the Borderlands and she saw his small swell in pride as he gave her and Perivar privacy.

 

"I am sorry, I thought you were busy with Loraine Sedai.  I did not want to disturb you."

 

“Next time check with me Gaidin, I was more than ready to dine with you.” Her words held some bite, but she couldn’t summer real anger, only concern. The day she’d almost lost him had been the worst and happiest of her life, and had given her a new found determination to see him live to a ripe old age. “I know you feel the need to further your skills and I commend you for it, but I have need of you too.” Looking up into his gorgeous there could be no doubt of just what that need was, but if there was, the white hot desire flowing through the bond said it all. Her cheeks flushed when she felt the emotion flowing ten fold back to her. This close she felt as if she would melt from the flames. Clearing her throat she looked around to see if anyone else had noticed there exchange, but the only person close enough was Dangar and he was intent on his training device.

“I hope you didn’t skip lunch Perivar?” The innocent feeling in the bond told Kabria that she’d hit the nail on the head. “If you insist on skipping meals Perivar, perhaps next time I will not be so quick to heal you. A little pain my due to remind you that even Warder’s are still only mortal.” As if to demonstrate her point she embraced Saidar and used air to punch him in the stomach. “A twinge Gaidin?” she asked innocently when he flinched. “I think it is best you return to the Inn with me. You can continue your training with Dagnar another time, Unless of course you object?”

[Sieve]

“Next time check with me Gaidin, I was more than ready to dine with you.”  Her words were sharp and he looked abashed.  By her tone he would have thought her angry with him yet he felt something else through the bond...concern.  Why concern he thought?  Why was she worrying over him?

 

“I know you feel the need to further your skills and I commend you for it,”  At least she understood the need...  "but I have need of you too."  He had not understood what she meant until he felt the white hot desire flowing through the bond.  His cheeks heated, he spared a glance for Dangar and was happy to see that the Shienaran was occupied adjusting the rings.  The blood began coursing through his veins and he knew she could feel his yearning for her.

 

Perivar did not respond when she asked if he skipped a meal.  He tried to look innocent but it was no use.  He would not lie to her, could not and expect to get away with it.  The bond would tell her if he did.  Bells and whistles or gongs would not sound but close enough.  She would be able to sense his guilt and shame.  She called him down for not eating of course and made a few threats.  She emphasized her point by using the power to strike him in the gut.  It made him half double over in the saddle and his eyes went wide in shock.  Kabria's tone and the look on her face were pure innocence but she was mocking him again.  Bloody Aes Sedai serenity, how could she do that and look so innocent.  If it wasn't for the bond, or the fact that Kabria had done this to him before he would never have suspected her. 

 

Perivar was fighting a losing battle with her so he kept his mouth as if nothing had occurred.  “I think it is best you return to the Inn with me. You can continue your training with Dagnar another time, Unless of course you object?”   The former was a command, there was no doubt in his mind.  The latter was to see if he was fool enough to object, doing so would land him in the frying pan for sure. 

 

"Yes you are right Kabria Sedai."  He emphasized her title.  Kabria hated when he did that but she would have to live with it for they were in public and he was a stickler for proper protocol.  "Only a fool would object to a suggestion made by an Aes Sedai, especially when it makes sense."  He offered her an innocent smile that did not fool her.  "I am hungry after all, it would be best if I ate something."  It was a lie of course, not a lie exactly but not the reason he was eager to get back to the inn.  There would be time for food later...much later.

 

Perivar called to Dangar thanking him for his time and assuring him that he would resume his training tomorrow.  Sliding out of the saddle he led Nightdancer as he walked with Kabria towards the inn.

[Eqwina]

Smiling at him she felt content, more so than she had in many days. It seemed she was finally finding the right combination of sweet reason, and force. Loraine had told her that it would take time to find the proper balance, but Lor did not understand the love that she and Perivar had. 

."Only a fool would object to a suggestion made by an Aes Sedai, especially when it makes sense."  His face was as innocent as a babes, but the feeling in the bond was the farthest thing from. "I am hungry after all, it would be best if I ate something." Unless she was a complete fool she had a feeling that it was her he wanted, not a midday meal. Holding hard to her serenity and to the shawl wrapped around her shoulders Kabria tried to set a slow pace as they made there way back to the Inn. Talking always seemed to help distract from the flood of emotions, so she said the first thing that came to mind.

 

“I want you to know how happy I am to be bonded to you. I know the circumstances are not what we’d hoped, but I know that there is no one else in this world whom I would want to be linked with in such an intimate way. I do not know how other Sisters bond men that they do not love, or that they only see as tools. I know that I could not.” Reaching out she put her hand in his, and embraced the shivers that tickled her spine. “I love you Perivar” She kept her voice soft and after a tight squeeze she let her hand drop. As much as it grated, in public there were certain forms to be met. An Aes Sedai could not be seen seeking comfort anymore than she could be seen acting like a lovesick child.

 

Kabria decided a change of subject would be better until they could be alone. “Are you happy with the bond Perivar? I hope you do not regret that I did as I felt I had to?”

 

[Sieve]

Perivar had half expected her to scold him the entire way back to the inn yet she did nothing of the sort.  Her words took him by surprise and he could not help but smile.  She was happy, she also loved him.  He felt the surge of emotions.  Not that he should have doubted it before but now there was proof.

 

As she went on he could not think of being bonded to another now that he had been bonded to Kabria.  Well he could think about but he did not want to.  He imagined being bonded to Andrial Sedai, she would definately have seen him as a tool, manipulating him to do whatever she wished.  That woman would probably end up with a stable full of Warders to do her bidding, a tough woman she was. 

 

Kabria put her hand in his and he quickly pushed thoughts of Andrial Sedai away as a tingle ran through his body.  It was not hard to push thoughts of the other Aes Sedai away as Kabria told him that she loved him.  There was no need for words as he could feel it through the bond, everlasting love as bright as the midday sun.  He did not need to reply either for she could feel the same as he could through the bond but it would not be right for her to not hear it from his mouth. "I love you as well Kabria.  Even though you do not need to say it it is still nice to hear.  Plus your voice...I love hearing your sweet musical voice." 

 

He wondered if Kabria would read to him later.  The little leatherbound book of poetry and words of inspiration that she had given him lay in his pouch.  He wanted to touch it though he did not have a free hand.  He read from it often but her voice really was musical and soothing.  He could easily get lost in thought just listening to her speak.

 

As she dropped her hand he felt the loss immediately.  Her touch was as pleasant as her voice.  He knew why she dropped her hand and he tamped down his frustration.  It was one of the obstacles that they had to overcome.  They were Aes Sedai and Warder, that was what they had to be seen as in public.  They could not be seen pawing at or mooning over each other in public.  One of the rubs of duty.  It was not so bad, something they coudl live with since there were no restrictions when they were private.

 

"Of course I am happy!"  He said with conviction.  He suddenly felt a sickly twist to his stomach.  Why did she have to ask the latter?  He could not lie to her.  He thought about how they bonded daily yet he did not want her to know it.  Reluctantly he answered her question.  "Regret...no, regret is not the right word.  I am...ashamed, ashamed with myself I guess you could say.  I understand what you did and why.  Its just that I am upset with myself.  I thought our bonding would be a magical moment, I dreamt it would be different.  I ruined that."  He blushed for a moment, he must have looked and sounded foolish to her.  Anger crept in at the thought, he tamped it down then smoothed his face.  "I understand that there is nothing that I can do about it now and I am trying to come to grips with it."  There he said it.  Thankfully they rounded the corner of the inn, the stable was only twenty paces away.  Perhaps that would save him further humiliation. 

[Eqwina]

Kabria kept her hands folded at her waist, and her face smooth. She had felt his anger and shame almost from the second they’d bonded and it was good to know its direction was not aimed at her, and yet troubling to think that he would feel such things at himself. "I understand that there is nothing that I can do about it now and I am trying to come to grips with it."

 

With first the humiliation and then the anger that flowed to her she had no need of her eyes and yet they drifted to his face, carrying there own sad light. Once she had told him that his pain was her own, and that had been before the bond. Now what she felt was tenfold and the fact that he could feel shame at anything connected to her, or too that glorious day was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She stayed silent until they had left Nightdancer in the stables and we safely back in there rooms. On instinct Kabria wove a ward against eavesdropping and took a seat on the bed. Her eyes had a faraway look, but only because she had been preparing what to say since he’d spoken.

 

“Perivar, sit down…please.” Waiting for him to take of his coat and sword was a trial of her patients, and she barely allowed him time to sit before speaking. “It pains me that you could feel anything but pride and unbridled happiness when you think about the day we bonded. I no longer remember the desperation I’d felt when I thought you were going to die, on the dark blood that coated us both, or even the mangled bodies of Trollocs, the only thing still alive in my memories are when you first opened your eyes and stared into mine, with the knowledge of what I’d done.”

 

Even now she could close her eyes and picture just the way his face had looked, filled with wonder and joy. Reaching out she took his hand in her’s again and this time squeezed it tight, it was time to admit the full truth. “If you are feeling bad that we did not have the magically moment you’d dreamed, please do not. There will be other magic moments for us!” Her voice was passionate and her cheeks heated thinking about the day they would marry, of course that moment would have to come from him…if it did.

 

She hesitated, but finally forced out the words she’d been hiding. “I..I for one am glad that events transpired as they did, if not….if not I cannot be sure that I ….I…I..would have bonded you.” Shock and pain stabbed her and Kabria broke their gaze. It was her turn to feel shame. “I was convinced that any man bonded to me would have to give there life in my service, it is true of most Warders, and I did not want that for you and I. I wanted you and I to be together forever and how could I be assured of that if I had to send you to dance with death everyday?”

 

Kabria was still learning about the pride of the Borderlanders, but she was sure that somehow this would touch on his honor. Why he couldn’t just see it for what it was…her own pain, she would never understand. Then…that was always the trial of loving a man. They saw meaning in words where there was none, and took to heart things they could never understand. That had been some of Shenesta’s wise advice about men, so many years ago. Before Kabria had been old enough to truly understand what they meant.

 

[Sieve]

Light why was talking with women so difficult, well one in particular.  No, on second thought they were all difficult.  No matter how he tried to explain himself she never took from it what he intended or saw things his way.  She seemed to analyze his feelings then call him down for them not being the right ones. 

 

“Perivar, sit down…please.”  Well he knew where this was going and braced for it.  Perivar removed his coat and took off his sword belt so he could get comfortable.  She just didn't get it and probably never would.  He was happy, he could not think of being bonded to another Aes Sedai.  He did look back on it as one of the best moments of his life.  No matter what he could not help but feel the shame, the damage to his pride from falling in battle when he should not have.  Having to be bonded so that he could live.  He was supposed to be protecting her, in a way he had but he was being hard on himself.

 

Perivar knew he could do better, he believed in his own ability to be her Warder but his expectations were high.  He would never have entertained being bonded to her if he did not believe that he could handle it.  Still, he had to be tougher, stronger, more lethal, it simply had to be.  He would train as hard as he could to make it so.

 

Perivar would not speak until she was finished.  He had to choose his words carefully so now was a time to listen not speak.  There would be other moments for them.  Had he heard her right.  He let it go, she obviously assumed that he knew what she meant so he couldn't just ask her.

 

What was she saying..."I cannot be sure that I ….I…I..would have bonded you.”  He felt as if he had been poleaxed and was happy that he had been sitting.  She was worried about possibly sending him to his death?  It was something he had be resigned to since he was a child.  Death could always be right around the corner.

 

When she was done he started at the beginning not trusting himself to comment on the latter at the moment. "You are taking one thing I said and letting it mar the whole blessed event.  That one thing is what fuels me to train harder but it will fade in time.  For the moment I need to hold on to it and turn it into something useful."  Would she understand that, he was going to use it for all it was worth to make him a better Warder for her.  "I still think that moment when I realized that we were bonded is one of the best moments of my life.  To know that it had finally come to be was amazing.  To know without doubt that you love me.  My heart is filled with pride at being your Warder.  There is truly no one else that I would want to hold my bond.  Now that we are bonded I could not think of being bonded to another, it qould never feel like this."  It was true, they were in love and it was wonderful.  It would not feel the same with another Aes Sedai.

 

"Kabria, the fact that we are in love makes this perfect.  I know I have said this before but I would rather live a day as your Warder than a lifetime without you.  I could die in anyone's service, but there is nobody else that I would rather serve.  I could have died any day growing up in the Borderlands, it was a fact of life that your time could be up at any moment.  Knowing that you could die at any time makes the moments that you are alive that much sweeter.  Why do you think we make love with so much wild abandon?"  He could feel his cheeks heat "Because tomorrow could be our last.  We will be together for as long as the Wheel wills it and I will thank the creator for each day that I get to spend with you."  He brushed the hair from her face then caressed her cheek with his fingers.  "I have never felt more alive than when I am with you."

[Eqwina]

Kabria had known from the moment they met that the paths that had led them to Tar Valon had been very different. She realized that the lives they had lived had been very different, but until he spoke just then he had not realized just how far apart their lives had been. “I could have died any day growing up in the Borderlands, it was a fact of life that your time could be up at any moment.  Knowing that you could die at any time makes the moments that you are alive that much sweeter.  Why do you think we make love with so much wild abandon?"

 

She knew why she made love that way, but they were not reasons she was willing to state. Surely the fact that tomorrow could be there last had nothing to do with it, or a very little. Kabria moved closer to him on the bed and reached out to lay her hand on his chest. His shirt blocked the tattoo but she knew it was there, her fingers curled and tightened on his shirt and she fought the urge to cry.

 

“I have told you before that the day you die I will follow behind. Perhaps that is sacrilege, or even blasphemy to say, but I cannot help it. I have searched my whole life for a family and now that I have found one I will not; no I cannot live without you.” She didn’t know how he would take that comment now that he could feel that it was the honest truth. 

 

[Sieve]

Perivar knew he missed the mark a few times and it frustrated him to no end.  He had a way of not explaining himself well, it was a major flaw of his.  He was not an eloquent speaker, his words were often poorly chosen.  As luck would have it, it seemed to happen most often around Kabria.  He loved her more than anything yet when he told her exactly that it always sounded less spectacular than he intended. 

 

Perhaps he should clarify, he could feel what passed through the bond when he spoke about their love making.  Once again he pointed out one thing and it was taken as the whole not just a part as he intended.  He blushed again and became frustrated as he always did when he could not get his point across.  "Kabria, you know that I did not mean that was the only reason.  Light I am so bad at this..."  She would know what he was talking about.  He did not get nervous around many people, Kabria was certainly one of those around which he did.  Light why could he not seem to find the right words.  "I have never known love before until I met you.  I never knew how special it could be until I was with you.  It is the undying love, the unbridled passion I have for you, the will to please you and so much more."  He half stammered, she would understand.  "You feel it through the bond, do you not?"  He certainly did but did she?  "There is so much more.  I love you more than anything!"

 

Now to talk about the last thing she said.  There really was not much to do about it, you could not change someone else's feelings.  "Yes I know."  He said smiling at her, he knew she spoke the truth.  Forget the three oaths.  He could feel the conviction in her words, he could feel it through the bond.  "I would rather you live...but I understand how you feel.  I would not want to live without you either, nor could I."  It was true, he would not survive her death if she died first.  It seemed sad, he was her family.  Why did he grow up so fortunate when there were others like her who had know only heartache and strife.  "You are my family now as well."  He meant it.  He had not heard from his family, had no idea if they were even alive.  A sad thought but one he could not spend much time on.  He was oath sworn to her, her causes were his now.  She was everything to him.  "My heart is yours, my duty is my service to you as your Warder, my honor is that duty.  That is the purpose of my life, I am yours, heart and soul." 

 

He tried to lighten the mood.  Enough of death, it was time to talk of life.  "I am ready to embrace death but I will not lay down and die easily.  I will not sell my life short especially knowing that my death is also yours.  I would rather live, live with you, spend every waking moment with you.  To please you, to be by your side.  I hope that the Creator blesses us and gives us many wonderful years together.  I will take whatever the Creator gives us and be thankful for that time.  I am very thankful for the time that we have had together.  I did not truly know love until I met you, my heart is yours, forever."  Again he found himself caressing her face.  Her skin was so smooth, it was like silk.  He could feel is heart and mind racing. 

 

 

[Eqwina]

It seemed that even with the bond there would still be miscommunications. One emotion misread could turn the meaning of words on there head. Kabria silently prayed that someone being Aes Sedai would be who she was, not a constant game of trial and error and feeling her way blindly through the dark. “It warms me to hear you say that you will not lay down and die, because there are many things in life that you and I have left to do and I think most of them would be better done alive.” She gave him an apologetic smile for her poor attempt at a joke. “Just think, in a month or a little more you and I will be on our own. Off to meet your family and to find mine, stopping on the way to assist as we can.” Her face beamed with the pride of the days to come. Once she was out from underneath Loraine’s eye she would finally feel like an Aes Sedai, and like she was doing real good in the world. Not that there task now was not important, but it was not her own. She and Perivar were merely tools to assist in the job, much like the others that were on there way to join them. A few more days at most and they would arrive and everyone could be on their way back to Tar Valon…back home.

 

Idly she wondered if Perivar felt Tar Valon as more of a home than the Borderlands? Kabria certainly felt more at home there than she ever had on the ships, though at the time she couldn’t have imagined any other place to be. Maybe once they were done in the Borderland they could travel to Illian. She didn’t realize she had spoken the last thought aloud until she heard Perivar’s reply.

 

“We can go wherever you wish, when ever you wish. It is only my job to follow…it is you who leads.”

 

Pressing a finger to her lips she smiled up at him. “What if I wish you to lead?” Sliding closer on the bed she leaned up to whisper in his ear. “What if I wish to put my life and all that I am in your hands?”

 

[Sieve]

Perivar felt that familiar tingle and the blood coursing through his veins as she moved closer to him whispering in his ear.  She wanted him to take charge did she.  Well he was more than happy to accomodate her.

 

Perivar attcked those ridiculously small buttons as he kissed her neck.  What bloody fool made those damned buttons so small.  Undoing them always made him feel like an uncoordinated lummox though he was intent on seeing them all undone.  Well enough of them so that she could slip out of her dress.  He muttered curses to himself until it was finally off and he was able to lay her down on the bed raining kisses all over her body...

 

---

 

Perivar could not say how much time elapsed but he found himself lying on the bed next to Kabria.  He was propped up on his right elbow as his left hand traced the tattoo of a Sea Folk Raker on her back.  She was laying on her stomach with the covers up to her waist.  Her head turned towards him as his hand drifted to the tattoo of his family crest above her right hip.  Kabria's eyes were closed but she wore a slight smile on her face.  She was resting but she was awake he thought.  He enjoyed watching her, she was beautiful.

 

"Are you hungry my love?" He asked her "I know that I am.  Would you like me to arrange for food to be brought to our rooms or would you rather go downstairs for a meal?"  Perivar brushed a few strands of hair from her face.  "Would you at least agree now that I have enough strength to resume my training tomorrow or do you need more proof?"  Perivar gave her a mischievous grin that said he would enjoy proving it to her.

[Eqwina]

Kabria’s eyes were shut tight and she lay on her stomach tangled in the blanket, with a happy smile on her face. It was in moments like this that she could forget the fact that they were stuck in the Blight on Loraine and Kynwric’s mission and that even though she was Aes Sedai Loraine and Kynwric still seemed to look at her like a child. It was in moments like this that she could picture her life with Perivar, without interference of the Tower or another Sister. That could never be of course, not in the way she sometimes hoped, but it made for a nice dream.

 

"Are you hungry my love?" He asked her "I know that I am.  Would you like me to arrange for food to be brought to our rooms or would you rather go downstairs for a meal?" She moaned noncommittally and didn’t stir. In truth her stomach was rumbling in response, but she knew all of their duties would come crashing home in her head once she moved. "Would you at least agree now that I have enough strength to resume my training tomorrow or do you need more proof?" Rolling over and pulling the sheet up under her arms Kabria groaned and gave Perivar a pointed look. “I would never turn down “proof” my love, but I still do not understand why you have to push yourself so hard.”

 

She rolled over again to face him and put two slim fingers on his lips. “I know I know, you wish to be worthy of me and your honor and blah blah blah, I understand the reasons you give even if I do not agree with them, but..” Her eyes held a mischievous gleam, but the pout to her full lips made her appear sad. “If you insist on returning to your training, I wouldn’t want you to waste any more of that strength on me” With a grin he tried to wrap an arm around her, but Kabria rolled out of bed, taking the sheet with her. “Since there can be no more proof, we may as well go down to the common room and eat. Perhaps there will be music?” With her back turned she allowed herself and small smile. Once, what seemed a long time ago now, she’d told him that she’d always wanted to dance. Did he remember?

 

[Sieve]

Perivar gave her a dissappointed look as she rolled out of bed refusing the need for further proof.  He got out of bed careless of his lack of clothing and walked to the wardrobe.  He opened the door, it contained all of his clothing which meant it had two coats, two shirts, and two pairs of trousers.  One coat and one of the trousers were embroidered.  It was not much since he rarely wore anything other than his armor, an arming coat, and trousers.  His armor and the arming coat sat on an armor stand in the corner of the room.  Tonight was not a night for armor so he reached in and took out a shirt, the embroidered trousers, and the embroidered coat.  The coat was a dark green and the trousers were black.  He pulled a fresh pair of smallclothes from one of the drawers.  It was nice having a maid to hand he thought.  If they stayed at the inn any longer they might grow to comfortable with the luxury of having fine food and servants to wait on them.

 

"Music?  Of course there will be music my love.  There has been a musician there every night since we arrived."  He said as he put on his smallclothes.  Perivar peeked over his shoulder to steal a glance at Kabria as she dropped the sheet to put on a shift.  He half expected her to be dressed already but she was apparently deciding what to wear.  He did not feel bad at looking on her naked backside, they were as close to married as they could be without actually saying the vows.  Appreciating the beauty of her body could not be wrong when they were sworn to one another.

 

His thoughts drifted.  Why had she asked such a silly question?  Perivar pondered over the reason as he pulled on his trousers on and tucked in his shirt.  He gave up quickly as nothing came to mind.  Perivar put on his coat then worked at the buttons.  The buttons on his coat were much bigger than those on her dress thank the Light!  He looked over at Kabria who had just donned a beautiful dress.  Dutifully he crossed the room and helped her with her buttons, the bloody things seemed so tiny compared to those on his coat.  Well at least it gave him a reason to  be nearer to him.  He brushed the hair away and gently kissed her neck as he worked the buttons. 

 

Perivar looked her over from head to toe then stared into her eyes.  They shone like bright blue pools with the reflections of the candlelight dancing across them.  "You look as beautiful as ever my love!"  He exclaimed as he offered her his arm. "Shall we go?"       

[Eqwina]

Letting the sheet fall in a puddle to the floor Kabria pulled the barely opaque silk shift over her head and stood in front of their wardrobe looking at all the dresses she’d brought, and the few pants and coats. Nothing seemed right for what she had planned, but finally she choose out a pale silver silk, cut not too different from the current Domani fashions, and doubled her hands behind her back to do up the small pearl buttons, smiling at the effect in the mirror. She was glad that she allowed her seamstress to do the final alternations. The dress fit her to perfection.

 

Just past her own reflection she saw Perivar’s smiling face and felt the love flowing from the bond. She turned just in time to step into his arms for a passionate kiss. Feeling the flames between them made her regret her sudden decision to take a table in the common room. "You look as beautiful as ever my love!" When her feet were firmly back on the ground she laced her arm through his and let him escort her downstairs, the perfect image of a young couple courting.

 

Their entrance caused very little stir, and the innkeepers eye brows only raised slightly at hearing they did not want to eat with the others in the private room. Which they had been told was explicitly theirs anytime they required. Assuring him that they wanted to enjoy the music and dancing took only a few words, and they were seated at a table towards the back of the Inn; close to the musicians and the kitchens, but not too far from either and too close to anyone else or too far from a fire. In short it was the best table in the room, which suited Kabria fine. “Is it always like this in the Borderlands?” she leaned across the table to ask after the Innkeeper walked away.  “People bending over backwards for Aes Sedai?” She was barely used to wearing the shawl and being addressed as Aes Sedai, and yet she had to play the part perfectly so as not to offend anyone’s honor or do anything to damage the image Aes Sedai carried in these lands. It made her wonder how her grandparents would greet her, if they ended up being alive. It was hard enough having strangers bow and scrape, she didn’t think she could take it from family. Light! It would be even worse than how Perivar insisted on acting while they were in public. “I do not think I will ever become used to such treatment.”

 

Their meal was the first brought out, and while Kabria suspected that some other poor soul would have to wait now, she accepted it with as much grace as she could muster, but the bond spoke volumes about her frustration.

 

Quietly at first a soft music drifted towards their table, enough to enjoy but not enough to disturb conversation. Setting her fork on the table she smiled at Perivar and walked over to the two young men. One with a flute the other a dulcimer and bent to say a few words to each. By the time she regained her seat the music filled the room, and people bean moving back tables to dance. Smiling at Perivar wryly she continued eating and pretended not to notice the effect her words had. It would be up to him now..

 

[Sieve]

It amazed Perivar that she still seemed uncomfortable with people bowing and scraping around her.  He had tried to clue her in on numerous occassions but it never seemed to sink in with her.  Even though Aes Sedai were made welcome in the Borderlands it did not mean that there were not those who disliked them.  Perivar tried to seem matter of fact though he was ever vigilant.  He would have preferred a private dining room but Kabria wished to dine in the common room.  Perivar nodded "Yes it is, you are going to have to grow accustom to it."  He smiled at her then touched her hand sensing her discomfort. 

 

"I have told you time and again though you refused to believe me.  It is well known that the White Tower has its own agenda but they have often sent Aes Sedai to the Borderlands to fight the Shadow.  Maybe not as often as most would like but still the White Tower fights the Shadow, that has garnered much respect."  Again he spoke softly, well there was nothing soft about his voice though it was lower than usual.  He did not want anyone to overhear their conversation.  He doubted the nearest person could hear his normal voice over the din of other conversations as well as the music.

 

Why did he sense frustration through the bond when their meal was brought out.  She hadn't tasted it yet, and the dish was not something which he knew her to dislike.  He caught her eyes scanning the room.  Suddenly it dawned on him.  When he dined with his parents in their hall the head table was always served first.  "Do not think anything of it my love for they surely will not.  They would feel uncomfortable if you were not served first.  It is simply the way it is."

 

Perivar watched her approach the musicians, clearly she was making a request for a particular tune.  Why was she smiling like that?  He could feel amusement and...satisfaction through the bond as the table were being cleared away.  Perivar stood as two men bowed then nervously stood a few feet away eyeing their table.  He looked at Kabria who began to rise, she nodded at the men who picked up their table moving it to the side.  Perivar stepped closer to Kabria lower his voice for her ears only.  "You did this on purpose!"  He said but it was more of a question than a comment.  She did not have to respond, though she smiled up at him.  "In public?  You want to dance in public for everyone to see?  It would not be proper.  Aes Sedai and Warders may dine together but surely they would not be seen dancing in the common room of an inn no matter how fine an inn this happens to be."  Perivar would do anything for her but they had a standard to live up to.  His sense of what was proper may be more enhanced than others but could they be seen as a couple in public?  It was hard enough to hide without dancing around the common room for the whole of Fal Dara to witness. 

 

Suddenly he felt bad for thinking so, he loved her and wanted her to be happy.  Duty to the White Tower had thrown many obstacles in their path.  He was caught between his duty and his love for Kabria again.  As much as he thought his duty to her and his love for her were one in the same, there were times such as now where it was obvious that they were not.  She seemed intent on dancing, he could not refuse her yet he could not appear as her lover.  It was tough to pull off but he tried to appear as her were just her Warder and not madly in love with her as they began to dance.

[Eqwina]

Kabria only grinned at Perivar and shook her head. She knew what he was thinking, knew that he would think dancing in public improper, she could feel his discomfort and worry, but she pushed those emotions aside.

“Perivar Gaidin, you have always told me that Aes Sedai are respected and held in the highest regard here in the Borderlands? Is that not true?” He’d just said as much moments before, but she waited for his confused nod before continuing. “Since that holds true no one can hold an Aes Sedai to account for wanting to dance. Aes Sedai do what they do for their own reasons, and seldom explain. Is that not how it’s said? Well, I am Aes Sedai and... I want to dance.” All her words were delivered with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She’d read and been told that Aes Sedai were as powerful as Queens and she’d known of a number of Queen’s who enjoyed to dance.

 

As soon as all the tables were pushed to the side, Kabria put her hand in Perivar’s and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. She’d made a show of wanting to do this, not even realizing that she had no idea how. Kabria had read a number of books on dancing, but text on page was far different from making your limbs move. With one hand on her lower back and the other clutched to his chest Perivar moved her swiftly across the floor. The movement was akin to what she learned with the sword and soon she forgot all about not knowing how and just let the music wash over her. The first song ended with them still alone on the floor, but Kabria nodded to the musicians and they began the first few notes to a reel. Stepping back Kabria formed the head of one line, pushing Perivar a few paces away in front of her. The hesitation was plain on every face, but Kabria put on a warm smile and gave her Warder a pointed look. The grin on his face was pleasant as long as you could ignore the tension around his eyes. Again the musician’s played the first few cords and this time, slowly, other patrons began to line up. The women next to Kabria and the men with Perivar.

 

The music started and with that the people on the dance floor began to move. Almost immediately Kabria found herself in the arms of a bluff faced solider, who stumbled twice but wore a large grin as she was passed on to a younger boy. He couldn’t have been a day over 16, but he whirled her around the floor with poise and grace, only ruined slightly by his constant blushes. Three more turns and she found herself in Perivar arms. “You see Gaidin, Aes Sedai do not always have to be stiffly formal” He wasn’t allowed time to protest before Kabria found herself with the solider again. This time he didn’t stumble once.

 

Not all joined in the first dance; a few still stood to the sides and watched, but by the time the third song played the entire common room was in movement. Even a few of the serving girls found time for a dance. Slipping away from her partner, the same beautiful blue eyed young man who’d blushed only moment before, Kabria took a seat at their table to watch her warder twirl one of the serving women through the crowd. Surprisingly she could find no jealous in that; perhaps it was because for once Perivar had managed to forget the stiff necked pride he always carried when they were in public. Smiling graciously at the young girl who handed her a fresh mug of punch she leaned back against the table to enjoy her few moments of rest.

 

When the music stopped this time, a slower song began and a large shadow loomed over her. Looking up into Perivar’s eyes Kabria smiled. “ I would love to dance with you Gaidin.” This time as they moved slowly across the floor no one’s eyes stared, they were just another couple in the crowd.

 

[Sieve]

Within no time Kabria had him convinced and he was leading her to the center of the cleared common room.  He quickly lost himself in the dance as they flowed across the floor.  Kabria claimed to be a novice at dancing but it seemed as though it came natural to her.  All of her movements were graceful and fluid.  It was one of the few times when he would lead her in public that is, private was a whole other matter.  An amused smile formed on his face.  He was so lost in the dance that he did not care that they were the only ones on the dance floor. 

 

Suddenly the tune changed and he found himself being pushed a few paces from her.  She headed one line and he the other.  He was not familiar with this manner of dance though Kabria graced him with a warm smile and a pointed look that said he would regret it if he did not play along.  He tried to return the smile but he was not sure if it ever reached his face.  He danced with several ladies and even some that must be several years younger than he was before he found himself back with Kabria.  “You see Gaidin, Aes Sedai do not always have to be stiffly formal”  He had no time to respond before he found himself dancing with a Kandori woman who he took for a successful merchant.  She offered him a wide smile and a curt nod before passing him off to a younger Saldaean girl.  The Kandori woman obviously thought it was interesting to dance with a Warder yet the look the Saldaean girl gave him was nothing short of appraising.  Light, it was Kabria who started this whole event, if she saw the girl looking at him so she might decide to call the girl down for it.  The girl had no way of knowing that he and Kabria were lovers, it was not that common except with the Greens.  Even then it was still more the exception rather than the rule.  Next he found himself dancing with one of the serving girls.  She danced with him as if he was her brother.  She had been around them enough to tell that he belonged to Kabria.  Perivar glanced at Kabria, she had a glowing smile on her face.  For a moment he felt a pang of jealously though he quickly tamped it down.  She was having a good time, this was no time for him to become jealous and insecure.  He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved him.

 

A few more minutes passed as they continued to dance.  Suddenly he noticed that Kabria was not on the dance floor and spotted her at their table which had been pushed against the wall.  How long had she been sitting down?  He had lost himself in the dancing and had not realized she had left until he noticed that she had not been in her place in the mix after the serving girl.  Perivar walked to the table, he stood over Kabria as the notes were plucked to a softer slower song.  Kabria looked into his eyes and smiled “I would love to dance with you Gaidin.”  He only hesitated a moment before he acquiesced.  Thankfully those on the dance floor remained and they just became another couple on the floor.  This time there was no hiding his feelings for her as they slowly danced across the floor.  A blind patron could easily see the love in his eyes.  When it was finally time to turn in he regretted leaving yet what waited for him back in their room suddenly made him forget about dancing.  When the morning sun pierced the curtains he sat up in the bed feeling as if he had not slept a wink.  Sluggishly he put on his smallclothes then went to the washstand and dunked his head in the cold water.  He scrubbed his teeth then put on the rest of his clothes.  With that done he donned his armor and kissed Kabria gently on her forehead before making his way to the training grounds.

 

Perivar returned that evening as the sun was setting.  Despite the benefits of the bond he was flat out exhausted after a full day of training.  If he was too tired for anything else this evening then he knew she was going to have some sharp words for him.  Perivar quickly washed and awaited her return.  As much as he tried to stay awake he nodded off in one of the chairs with the open book resting in his lap.  He was sound asleep when she returned to their room that he did not even hear the faint creak of the door. 

[Eqwina]

It might have been the dancing, or the blueberry punch, whatever it was Kabria felt freed. Perivar’s stuffy reserve had broken publically and commoners had danced with Aes Sedai. It felt like a night for abandon. Almost as soon as the door latch caught Kabria shed her dress and what inhibitions she had left, tangling the sheets well into the night.

 

Being out from under the more experienced sister’s thumb afforded Kabria more leeway, but if she lay in bed much past first light she might loose what credibility she gained. After all only a child or a vagrant would lay about when there was work to be done. Rolling over she pursed her lips for a kiss only to find that her Warder had already gone. Had last nights punch and sleep not still clouded her head she would have noticed sooner. “Over achiever” Kabria mumbled as she wrapped the pale rose colored silk around herself like a dress. Squinting at the rising sun she padded over to the washstand and heated the tepid water. Glancing into the mirror she saw her white and red hair a mass of tangles, but she could summon very little energy to set it right. Giving it a few licks with the comb she used the power and her stand mirror to arrange the curls. Her normally wavy hair became curled locks that stopped short of her shoulders and Kabria grinned. It was a frivolous use of the power, but the effect was nice.

 

Grabbing a dark green, unadorned cloak lined with pale gray fur she pulled the cowl up; obscuring her curls as well as her face. All the patron of the Inn would know it was she, but with a little luck no one else would.

Stepping out into the relative cold of the Borderland morning she walked a few blocks before ducking in to a seldom used alley. It was just wide enough for her to walk along, the stone of the buildings on either side occasionally brushing her shoulders as she hurried along. Crossing several streets and ghosting down a few more alleys she finally arrived at the shop she needed. The shutters were still securely fastened, but they gave the impression of long years shut tight.

 

Several hours later, with the sun sinking fast Kabria left that run down shop clutching a stack of papers in her fist. The day had proved more profitable than she first thought. Returning to the Inn she could feel Perivar upstairs, and he felt content. She supped with Loraine and Kynwric before heading up the back stairs to the room they shared. Tucking the papers into the pocket of her cloak Kabria opened the door expecting to see her loves smiling face and instead was greeted by a snore. Using the opportunity she crept across the room on her toes and as quietly as she tucked the papers into the small lock box she always carried when she traveled.

 

It wasn’t precisely that she wanted to hide the information from Perivar; it just was not the right time. Just as she as shutting the door to the wardrobe he stirred and it startled Kabria enough that she fell back against the door. The loud thump it caused was enough to wake Perivar and he sprang up reaching for his sword that was not at hand. Kabria’s blue eyes were wide and she was sure she looked as guilty as a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar, but she recovered quickly and flowed across the room to stand with her hand on his chest. “Asleep my love?” She clicked her tongue and used her hands to smooth his lapels. “I suspected you’ve been working yourself too hard. You know that you are not yet fully healed.” Her musical voice grew darker. “I would not like it if you were to cause yourself greater harm. Especially not now that we are bonded. Perhaps you could push yourself a touch less?” It was more of a command than a question, but she waited for his nod. “Well then, it’s still early but if you are tired I should let you sleep. I have more work I can do without you if you prefer?” Looking up into his eyes she waited.

 

[Sieve]

Perivar stirred in the chair unconciously adjusting his position to find a comfortable way to lounge in the small chair.  As the loud thump rang through the room he vaulted to his feet, the book on his lap fell to the floor adding a thud to the commmotion.  He felt for his sword biting back an oath as hr came to the realization that it was not in its scabbard on his back.  He saw Kabria at the door looking startled then quickly scanned the room before he discovered that there was no one else but the two of them.  The bond would have told him that had he been wise enough to check that bundle of emotions in the back of his head.  He had never been accused of being wise. 

 

If he had not been so embarassed by being caught sleeping he probably could have figured out that for a brief moment Kabria wore a guilty look that said she was hiding something from him.  Alas he did not and she recovered her composure before he could recognize that something was off. 

 

Perivar opened his mouth to apologize but Kabria was on him before he uttered a word.  “Asleep my love?” She clicked her tongue and used her hands to smooth his lapels.  This was not going to go well for him he thought and very nearly sighed over what was coming his way.  He felt like a child who was about to be called down by one of his elders for doing something wrong.  He didn't think of her as an elder but she definately held authority over him and knew how to use it.  “I suspected you’ve been working yourself too hard. You know that you are not yet fully healed.”  No not that again he thought, it was like watching an arrow coming for you yet you couldn't move a muscle to avoid it.  He would take pleasure in convincing her that he was fit enough to train but she might decide otherwise no matter how much effort he put into it. 

 

Light Kabria was beautiful but telling her now would earn him harsh words as if it were being said to soothe her temper.  Perivar very nearly flinched as her voice changed from its usual soft musical tone to one much darker.  “I would not like it if you were to cause yourself greater harm. Especially not now that we are bonded. Perhaps you could push yourself a touch less?”  Each word struck home like a hammer striking an anvil.  He had no choice but to nod in acquiescence.

 

Her voice resumed a touch of its musical quality as she spoke again.  “Well then, it’s still early but if you are tired I should let you sleep. I have more work I can do without you if you prefer?” Her eyes looked on him like augers as she looked up into his eyes she waited for him to respond.  "No, I think I have slept enough my love.  I feel...rested."  It was a lie, he tried to push the thought out of his head as soon as the words left his lips in hope that she did not notice the lie through the bond.  For all of its wonders there were a few drawbacks to the bond.  He did not lie to her often, only small things such as this when he did not want to admit that he was wrong.  It was hard admitting your faults especially in front of a lady, even harder when it was one that you loved and admired.  Perhaps he was pushing himself harder than he should but it was necessary whether she would admit it or not.  She would not so the lie was necessary.  As necessary as it was he was still ashamed with himself for lying to her.   

 

He needed a moment to regain his composure so he moved behind her and removed her cloak, draping it over the chair which he had abandoned.  From behind her Perivar massaged her neck and shoulders.  He suppressed the urge to kiss her neck, she might take it as a ruse to throw her off her current line of questioning or perhaps she would take it for what it truly was, insatiable desire.  Most likely it would be the former even though he loved her more than anything and desired to touch her, to kiss her, every inch of her.  She knew this to be true but it would not help in this case.    

 

"Is all well my dear?  You seem tense?"  It might have seemed like he was trying to change the subject but by his tone and what passed through the bond she would know his concern was sincere.  "Is it the Children or do you tire of sitting idle when we could be about our business?"

 

((OOC:  Edited just because I could  ;D ))

[Eqwina]

Kabria’s loving smile turned to a smirk as he lied to her, he should know by now that she knew him better than he did himself, but if he wanted to persist with this foolishness she would let it pass…for now. Plus the feel of his fingers on her shoulders was paradise.

 

Almost since the moment they had arrived in Fal Dara Kabria had been tense. She had bonded Perivar to save his life after she’d promised herself that she would not bond him at all; and since they had been left to cool their heels and wait for help from the Tower which on all accounts felt like it would never come. Pile that with the new “work” she’d been doing her shoulders and back were constantly tied in knots. “Hmmm..?” she murmured with her eyes closed, not really hearing his question. The overwhelming desire in the bond was more than distracting.

 

  "Is it the Children or do you tire of sitting idle when we could be about our business?"

 

Children!! how? Kabria’s eyes popped open and she quickly tried to suppress her surprise, but she knew she was too late when Perivar’s fingers stopped their slow massage and he leaned over her shoulder to get a better look at her face. she would have to think quick to get out of this one.

 

“I uh…yes I suppose I am irritated over having to wait, but you know as well as I that Kynwric, Loraine, You and myself did not stand a chance of reaching Tar Valon with the children alive, without added aid. Especially not with you in the condition you’re in!” She was trying to divert the conversation back to the original point.

 

Slowly his fingers started to move again, but she could feel the suspicion in the bond. “I do worry for the children though, it must be hard on them, even more so than it could ever be for us. I can’t imagine being held captive by Trolloc’s at such a young age, it may have left mental scars that will take years to heal. Hopefully some time with the Yellow’s can ease their hurts, not that many Yellow’s study diseases of the mind. I am sure that in the Tower there must be at least one or two. Loraine would know, I will have to remember to ask her next time we speak.” Realizing that she was rambling Kabria shut her mouth and tried to focus on the feeling on his fingers on her skin, but it was already too late. The knots that his strong hands had been working to loosen were tightening again, and she couldn’t fully quiet the butterfly’s in her stomach. Light but she hated hiding things from him!

 

[Sieve]

Was it the mention of the Children or sitting idle that made her tense?  He leaned over her shoulder to get a look at her face as if that would do any good.  It was like trying to read a book in a language that you did not understand.  The only thing he knew is that she was on edge.

 

Her responses were even more perplexing.  On the surface it seemed as if she was being truthful but the bond told a different story.  Why was she reluctant to discuss whatever was bothering her.  Was he the cause of her irritation.  He continued to massage her neck and shoulder until he felt the tension returning.  Something was amiss.

 

Perivar turned her then sat her in the chair while he knelt in front of her.  He locked eyes with her and his breath nearly caught as he saw the look in her eyes.  "Does the bond chafe my love?  I will not allow you to release me though if there is something I can do to ease your discomfort then consider it done.  Plainly there is something you are hiding from me but the bond is making it difficult for you to do so.  As long as it is not another man then I understand that there may be things that you do not wish me to know."

 

Perivar caressed her cheek with his fingertips "I want to be the source of your happiness not someone that you feel you need to tip toe around.  If there is something you need to say to me then say it.  If there is something I can do to help then I will do it.  I am yours with every ounce of my being.  If you need your secrets then you will have them.  I will not press you to reveal what you wish to keep hidden but if you need someone to talk to then you have my undivided attention.  Nothing you can say will change my love for you."

 

Perivar could see the wheels turning.  Perhaps she needed time to collect her thoughts.  As best he could he tried to ignore the bundle of emotions in his head to give her as much privacy as was possible.  "I have been training too hard.  We should spend the evening together unless you would rather be alone?"  He arched an eyebrow then went on when she did not respond.  "Should I have food sent to us here in our rooms?"

[Eqwina]

How could she explain what she herself did not know for sure? Sitting down she forced herself to meet his beautiful eyes. "Does the bond chafe my love?..” Kabria wanted to slap him for even suggesting such a thing. True there had been moments when she had regretted the bond, not that she held his bond, but the way it had happened. But never for even a second had she wanted that choice back…not for real. Still she worried that one day she would have to send him to his death, knowing that her own would be close behind.

 

“…If you need your secrets then you will have them.  I will not press you to reveal what you wish to keep hidden but if you need someone to talk to then you have my undivided attention.  Nothing you can say will change my love for you."

 

Veins of gold pulsed through the bond, this near they felt electric, almost as if she would burst from the flame. Though they were mixed with.. concern and anxiety. He would allow her to keep her secrets, but she could tell that anything she kept from him would cut him to the quick.

 

"I have been training too hard.  We should spend the evening together unless you would rather be alone?"  He arched an eyebrow then went on when she did not respond.  "Should I have food sent to us here in our rooms?"

 

Kabria still couldn’t find the right words, she feared that if she opened her mouth she would blurt out her secret, but with every passing moment she was silent she could feel his growing doubt. “You have been training to hard..I have known for days, but I didn’t say anything in hopes your own exhaustion would get the best of you.” She said quietly looking down at her hands. “I see now that I should have known your stubborn pride wouldn’t allow you to stop.” She looked up to see the concern in his eyes. “Oh Perivar..please don’t think that there is anyone else. You should know I love only you…it’s just..well…there are things you cannot know. Not because I do not want to share them with you, but because I do not know enough to share.” She didn’t think she’d managed to ease his mind, but those veins of love were pulsing brighter than before. “As soon as I am sure you will be the first I tell.” Leaning in and closing her eyes she brushed his lips with a light kiss.

 

“ I think dinner in our rooms sounds like a fine idea. Perhaps a quiet evening with you will help me relax.”