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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

Sneaking after hours.. (Att- Those originally involved.)


Tiegan

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Summary

Faile fell asleep in the library and woke up past curfew, and hurried out as fast as she could. Tiegan couldn't sleep, got dressed, and went for a walk. And Aithne lost track of time while hiding from an Accepted.

 

The three girls ran into each other in the hallway, scaring each other to death by each of them mistaking one (or in Tiegan's case, more than one) of them for Aes Sedai or Accepted. Tiegan decided it'd be safer outside where there wasn't an echo, so they all went for the gardens.

 

Dorian couldn't sleep either and went for a walk. Ended up in same gardens as the three novices. Danian, Dorian's brother, soon woke and noticed his blind brother was gone and went after Dorian to bring him back.

 

Three girls stood there staring at Dorian and Danian. Tiegan was besotted, Aithne (Afraid of being caught) fainted dead on the spot. Danian rushed to help her, (Thus proving that trainees have no idea where or how to help fainting or hurt woman, and need much more Warder training!), Dorian got confused about what was happening, Tiegan watched.

 

Danian saw Faile, Faile saw Danian. Much starry eyedness right there, as well as some embarrassing blurting out of how handsome/beautiful they saw each other as, instant love at first sight. Aithne was forgotten by the two.

 

Tiegan decided to try and get away from them as fast as she could, and innocently (ha, yea, right.) led Dorian away, inviting Aithne. She declined and decided to act as a lookout.

 

Tiegan and Dorian talked/got to know each other a tiny bit more.

 

Danian and Faile competed in the synchronised blush Olympics. Both won gold.

 

Someone almost caught the lot.

 

Aithne heads back to her room, discovered by Aes Sedai and given chores. :O!

 

Faile and Danian hide too, Danian makes sure Faile doesn’t get pricked by thorns but ends up nearly falling unconscious because of a natural poison within the thorns. Faile frantically tries to keep Danian, she still has some iodine ointment from her chore by Leona and cleans his wounds, slapping him in the face to keep him alert. Finally manages to keep him awake and their ways part hoping secretly to meet again some day

(Two days after the stroll-thread with Danian and Faile takes place.)

 

Dorian and Tiegan ended up half on top of each other hiding behind a bench and a hedge, ended up doing the cute accidental kiss teenagers do. Dorian tries to get up and discovers he’s sprained his ankle. Then Tiegan decided they should go somewhere safer, more hidden, to talk. Dorian follows.

 

 

 

 

OOC- And so we come back to where we are now! :D

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The spot she'd chosen really wasn't any different from the last. It was a bench. With bushes surrounding it. But Tiegan felt a little safer here, as they were futher away from both the Training Yard and the Tower.

 

Tiegan was holding one of Dorian's hands when she sat down, and she looked at their clasped hands in wonder. She couldn't remember doing that?

 

She stared up at his face. This wasn't something Tiegan had ever expected to do or feel. Especially so quickly! But there was something about his manner that made her feel calm and confident. She was no longer 'Tiegan, the misplaced person', Tiegan felt like a real novice of the White Tower. And though he hadn't done all of it, the sense of peace she had when in his presence definitely helped a great deal.

 

Tiegan sat there for a long time, saying nothing. If he said anything to her, it was lost on her, as her mind had started whirling. She had always been impulsive. But her father used to tell her that being impulsive was sometimes the rigth way to be, when it came to instincts.

 

So she suddenly blurted out something that was unexpected for the both of them.

 

"Dorian? That kiss, did it mean...I mean, what did it mean?" Tiegan asked in a low whisper, wary of being caught, but her mind was full of questions, and ideas, and things she wanted to know. She adored Dorian, she had from the moment she'd seen him, and she already knew what she wanted to ask him. But if she didn't do it soon, she wouldn't do it at all. Tiegan added quickly, "I... I know I just met you and the kiss might not have meant anything and people will think I'm being too hasty... but I was taught to trust my instincts and even if the kiss wasn't anything, even if we'd only be friends for the rest of our lives... I know you'd make a great Warder one day because you can think just as well as you can fight and you'd get better offers from other women in the tower but you make an impression on me. A really good one. And um. If you would...um. If you'd think about... um... perhaps think about being my Warder?"

 

Tiegan flushed, and squeezed her eyes shut. She'd known him for two hours and she was asking him that. Impulsive? Just a SMALL bit. Light, had she put him on the spot... "Don't answer! It's okay. Just... I don't know, think about it for a long while... then answer. But not now... So um. So.. where did you come from?"

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Guest Faile1987

Dorian

 

As he walked away with Tiegan a short stab of guilt shot through him when Dorian realized he hadn´t even made sure that Danian and that other girl, Faile her name had been he thought, had gotten away safely without being caught. But then again his hearing was excellent and he was sure he would know if something had gone wrong and Danian had been caught. He simply would know.

 

Right now thou as he was holding Tiegan´s hand, having her guide him away and making sure he didn´t trip over anything in his way, Dorian soon forgot any worries or concerns about his brother. Somehow merely being with her made him feel content and somehow safe, though he didn´t know what it was that made him feel like that. Just the touch of her smooth delicate hand holding his made him feel good and he couldn´t explain what it was that he was feeling, but he knew that it was the best thing he had felt in a very long time, likely the best thing ever. Tiegan somehow didn´t make him feel his blindness and he suddenly seemed to forget how useless he often felt among other people. She was the first person beside Danian who really didn´t seem to care about his blindness, who was treating him like any other man, treating him like a maindeed without making him feel either pitied or despised for his disability.

 

As they stopped and sat down on a bench that felt like the one they had been sitting on before, Dorian stretched out his foot, letting the pain subside a little, for now only content and happy to be with her although they didn´t speak a word. "Sometimes silence can express much more than the best words ever can", it shot through his head and he didn´t really know who had said that to him once, but then it didn´t matter as long as her hand didn´t let go of his.

 

"Dorian? That kiss, did it mean...I mean, what did it mean?", her low whisper broke the silence and made Dorian smile warmly to her as he remembered the feeling of her soft lips on his, the sensation he had been feeling. But before he was able to tell her how much that had meant to him and that he hoped it had meant something to her, too Oh Light, what if it didn´t mean anything to her?, Tiegan continued to talk, blurting out what she was feeling and Dorian felt her cheeks flush even though he couldn´t see the red colouring her cheeks, but he felt that she must look even more beautiful when blushing than he imagined her already.

 

"I... I know I just met you and the kiss might not have meant anything and people will think I'm being too hasty... but I was taught to trust my instincts and even if the kiss wasn't anything, even if we'd only be friends for the rest of our lives... I know you'd make a great Warder one day because you can think just as well as you can fight and you'd get better offers from other women in the tower but you make an impression on me. A really good one. And um. If you would...um. If you'd think about... um... perhaps think about being my Warder?"

 

For a couple of seconds Dorian was breathless and unable to believe what he had just heard her say. She wanted him as her Warder? Light! That was more than he had ever dreamed of. Actually he had never even considered being anyone´s Warder once he would have finished his training. He had always thought that no one could possibly want a blind Warder, one who couldn´t see a silent ambush of an opponent and one who was considered disabled at best and crippled and useless at worst. No, he just couldn´t believe his own ears when Tiegan asked him, that was just more than he could fathom and he knew that he would do anything for her this instant, would rush to her whenever she called for him, would give anything he had for her, just to be near her and keep her safe. But still, was she serious? The sound of her trembling insecure voice making a single tear well up in his eye as he leaned over to her, taking her hand in his when she interrupted him once again, quickly.

 

"Don't answer! It's okay. Just... I don't know, think about it for a long while... then answer. But not now... So um. So.. where did you come from?"

 

The insecurity in her voice hade him want to smile and cry at the same time and for once in his not too long life now, he was at a loss of words, always having been the one who could deal best with words. But what she told him now just put him off, he felt happier than ever before, yet the same time reality stabbed through him like a hot knife and he took her hand in both of his, kissing it lightly as he turned to her and said softly: "I would like nothing more than to be your Warder and I don´t care what people think. But Tiegan...why do you want me of all men? Why me, a blind trainee who might not be able to protect you when you need it most? Light, Tiegan I couldn´t bear if you got hurt or died because of me not seeing an ambush or a trap. You...you deserve someone better than a blind Altaran fool who has lost anything that was once his birthright..."

 

Slowly he put her hand down, having to try hard not to tremble as he was about to withdraw his hand, unable, unwanting, to let her go, the motion of turning away from her almost causing physical pain to him, feeling something inside him being stretched near to tearing, feeling like being seared inside. But he had to do it, he couldn´t bear endangering her because of his blindness, no he wasn´t worthy of her. Sitting beside her silently eyes shut and his face contorted in pain and misery, he couldn´t turn to her, though he longed for her so much. Light, how he wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to tell her that he would gladly give his life for her, but he couldn´t. He just couldn´t.

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'Why didn't he answer,' She tormented herself, 'why couldn't he just say 'no, sorry, I don't say yes to the first desperate lonely novice that comes along, but do you happen to know a green sister?' and get on with it?'

 

Tiegan didn't risk looking in Dorian's direction. She was deathly afraid of what she'd read there, if anything at all, it could be very good. ...or very bad. Either way she wasn't really feeling up to that. Tiegan was tired, starting to get emotional, and she blamed it all on the fact that they were sitting there on a bench in the middle of the night. Nothing to do with Tiegan's insecurities about being overlooked, or forgotten, or just plain not belonging?

 

The problem with Tiegan was that she was very good at convincing herself of things that were stupid to anyone else who'd hear them. It was no wonder that she rarely voiced those kinds of thoughts. But at the same time, the ability to believe in something or someone could come in very useful.

 

She jumped when he took her hand, so lost had Tiegan been in her escape from reality, and stared at him. First he sent a thrill through her, he wanted to be her Warder? But then it turned to disbelief on her part, Tiegan could see how being blind could have it's disadvantages... but she didn't understand why he'd feel like he wasn't good enough. Tiegan half didn't want to understand. She knew the confidence she'd felt in him, even when she'd been unable to see his blindness, and she knew that it hadn't wavered when she'd noticed. So why should her trust in his strength change now?

 

Tiegan wasn't happy when that warm physical contact was broken and he turned away from her. She felt a bit rejected by him, still stubborn in her feelings about his blindness. It was there but it wasn't bad. And she was annoyed too. Warders weren't there to replace the mother, what did they teach trainees in the yard? That when an Aes Sedai bonded someone, that she needed them to be her senses? Tiegan had thought of it as a partnership when she heard stories, of the great two who did great things together.

 

She sighed out loud. It wasn't his fault. If Tiegan had been born with no legs, she might have been sure that she'd never ride a horse. Or if she had been blind, and she had been around men who believed that kind of story, she probably would have been just as sure as he was.

 

"Dorian, I don't need a warder who thinks he will do all of that for me. I can do that just as well as anyone else if I learn." Tiegan swallowed a lump of muddled emotions down, and hesitantly... she really wasn't sure if he'd like what she was about to do or not but it had always worked for her... she wrapped both arms around him from behind in a warm embrace. Tiegan's head rested on his shoulder. "It's your other strengths that I wanted to help me, the strengths that make you anything but a fool. I don't know you, or why you lost a birthright... but I know that your eyes haven't made your brain any worse off... only your confidence is damaged."

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Guest Faile1987

The silence from her made him want to turn around, to tell her that he didn´t want her to get him wrong, that he more than only liked to be her Warder, that there was nothing he would like more to do, but then he knew he couldn´t, not if really cared for her, he couldn´t keep the promise of keeping her safe at any means he knew, lacking his sight and thus an important way of reacting and noticing things. No, she wouldn´t want one like him. Not really. Soon she would come to her senses and notice how it was to be with him, how he hindered her, how much of a milstone around her neck he really was. Yes, she had to understand, she had to. But Light he didn´t want her to hate him now, he didn´t-

 

"Dorian, I don't need a warder who thinks he will do all of that for me. I can do that just as well as anyone else if I learn.", she said softly, interrupting his bleak thoughts. Her tone sounded soft and reassuring, yet also determined and he felt her arms wrapping around him, her pressing herself to him, embracing him warmly, wanting to make him feel that she wanted him and that feeling was the best Dorian had ever experienced, uncomparable to anything else. She wanted him, but somehow she also seemed to be afraid, he sensed insecurity and reluctance in her touch mingled with the urge to comfort him and that feeling just wanted to make him cry of happiness and sadness all at once.

 

She wanted him, made it clear with everything in her, make him feel unlike ever before, telling him she didn´t need him to guard her back but appreciated other qualities of him. For once he was just too moved, too touched in his inner self to even reply. He was as torn as one could be, one part of him wanting to just hold her and tell her how he wanted to be there for her forever, the other part of him telling him frantically that he would have to watch her back some day, no matter what she told and then his blindness might endanger her life as much as it had hindered her before, he just wouldn´t be able to live up to standard. He would never reach that, would never be able to do whatever the other Warders could do, but still he would devote himself to her, dedicate his life to her, sacrifice himself gladly whenever she needed him. Oh Ligh, the touch, the warmth of her arms around him felt too good to be true and somehow he still wondered if that was merely a good dream or a very bad joke on him.

 

No, what he was feeling was real, he knew. The warmth of her voice, the sincerity of her tone, the want in her voice and the way she moved, yes, all of that was as true as a thing could be and he knew that it was genuine and that even made it harder for him to resist her, not to respond to her.

 

Without knowing what he was doing, Dorian took her hands into his, turning towards her as he drew her closer to him, his hands wandering up her arms, tentative fingers tracing the lines of her face, feeling her smooth skin, her silky hair brush over his fingers. Oh how much he longed for her right now and before he was able to think straight again he his face had come close to hers and he was drawing her closer, gently but firmly as he kissed her once more, telling her how much he wanted her by his mere touching her, feeling her press to him and a surge of happiness passed through him.

 

"Tiegan, I would like nothing better than to be your Warder, but still there might come the day I can´t save you...The day you get hurt because I was too slow to come or couldn´t see what was happening... You have to know some things about my past as well... why me and Danian left Altara..." Now it was done and said and Dorian couldn´t help himself telling her everything of his life as the heir to a noble Altaran house, how he and Danian had escaped the attempts on their lives, how their own uncle had wanted to kill them, how Carl had taught them to fight, how their father was killed and how hard and unbearable it had been for Danian and him to leave their home behind, how the White Tower had been their only chance, their only sanctuary.

 

"We are hunted", Dorian stated flatly, holding her against him, wanting to feel her, drawing strength from her, strength he needed as he recalled everything that had happened, unaware of tears running down his cheeks freely as he talked about his father and his mother and their home, the home they had had to abandon, the home that seemed lost to them forever. "Light, Tiegan, I don´t want to draw you into that as well. The Light knows I couldn´t bear losing you as well, not you..." His chin was resting on her head, wanting to feel her close by, drawing comfort from her, wanting to hold her forever. But still he expected her to wriggle out of his grasp any moment. How could he have thought that telling her about his past would not make her shrink away from him? How could he expect her to stay with him now that she knew?

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Tiegan sat there still and quiet as Dorian spoke, breathing in his presence and his warmth in the cold of the night. It was dark there and she could see nothing, but it only heightened her awareness of every beat of his heart, every twitch of a muscle, every breath in and out.

 

She reached out to feel along his sides as he explored her arms, feeling the way Dorian's body was thin underneath her curious fingertips. There weren't any real large muscles like Tiegan had seen on the Warder who'd led her to the White Tower. He'd seemed invulnerable to Tiegan, aloof and above all other men. But Dorian was still real, still as human as she was, Tiegan could feel each of his ribs, the contraction and expansion of his lungs as he breathed on her, the quickened heartbeat. He was real.

 

She whispered as he told her all of the things she needed to hear, "I know we can't see each other again for a while... but if we're ever close, you'll know it's me. I'll wear bells in my hair like I used to."

 

The entire overwhelming feeling of this made Tiegan's throat hurt with a swelling of emotion. It was like she would feel when she wanted to cry... but she wasn't sad. Dorian was just so... so... perfectly imperfect.She could sense and adore every one of his faults as equally as his many qualities.

 

Tiegan suddenly felt a bit afraid of all of this. Light, it was so overwhelming, so dangerous, so frightening! She let go of his body, dropping her hands to reach for his hands. It was too much for now. She had to get away and think about all of this, to work it all through her mind, to think about it. Tiegan didn't exactly have much experience with all of this, she'd never heard much about that 'love' emotion as her family were ones who admired the arranged marriage system, and she'd never had a sister to confide in when she had felt affection for others before she'd left- they were all younger than her. The only love that Tiegan had ever heard of was lust, and given that most of her education was in taverns, those stories didn't exactly fill her with a great excitement for love.

 

So what was she supposed to do now?

 

When he started to argue against being her Warder, Tiegan listened very quietly. He was so insistent, so determined to not become her Warder... what was she supposed to do? She wanted to reassure him that everything would be all right, but Tiegan had suddenly become afraid that it wouldn't be.

 

She had no idea the strength she gave him, or that she helped him so much. Tiegan's panic over her inability to control or understand all of this had started to swallow her, and she was trembling when she pushed him away from her. "I ... maybe you're right. Maybe we can't. I was just being foolish... and ...it was just fool's talk. It's not you at all, I just need to think and ... I'll talk with you again, okay?"

 

Tiegan stood up, half-stumbling on her own dress, and ran towards the White Tower, heart sinking, a melancholy mood drowning any sense of happiness she'd felt.

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Guest Faile1987

"I know we can't see each other again for a while... but if we're ever close, you'll know it's me. I'll wear bells in my hair like I used to."

 

Dorian sighed softly as he heard Tiegan voice what he had already thought as well. They both knew how strict the rules on meetings between Novices and Trainees were, that it was strictly forbidden and the punishments if they were caught would be very harsh. As much as he didn´t want to endanger Tiegan though by meeing her and risking her to be caught and punished, Dorian still knew that it would be hard for him to just let her go like that, that he already missed her now. But still he had to answer to her question still and what he had to do made his heart sink, made him want to be someone else, someone more fitting to protect her and be there for her very badly.

 

Telling her the full merciless truth about him and his reasons for having come to the Wader´s Yard with his brother, Dorian´s heart slowed down and wanted to stop beating eventually as he noticed how feelings in her altered, how she became aware of what he was telling her and how another feeling took hold of her. Insecurity and …fear, fear of him, but also a feeling that went beyond that, something Dorian coudn´t reada at all but something that made it clear to him that he had achieved what he wanted when Tiegan backed away from him. Dorian wanted nothing more than to embrace and comfort her, hold her and tell her that he would love nothing more than to be her Warder, than to be able to be always with her, but he knew he couldn´t. He felt too much for her than to be able to do this to her. He couldn’t be that selfish and endanger her just because of his own feelings. He would never be able to offer her the protection and security she needed. Being aware of the effect his words were having on her, Dorian wanted to cry out in pain, to explain her why he was telling her all of that, but Tiegan already had turned away from him.

 

" "I ... maybe you're right. Maybe we can't. I was just being foolish... and ...it was just fool's talk. It's not you at all, I just need to think and ... I'll talk with you again, okay?"

 

Dorian´s throat was too tight to speak when she shrank away from him and left, already he heard her feet running away from him, leaving him behind. At the sound of her feet hurrying away from him and remembering the emotions he had felt radiating from her as he had told her the truth, something inside him flickered and broke. Dorian suddenly wanted to cry, to scream to let out any of what he was feeling right now, but all of a sudden everything he was feeling was hollowness and emptiness as if everything inside him, every emotion had been drained from him. Dorian sat there stiff and still as if lifeless like a stature and like one, an object hewn of a rock he felt inside, his heart feeling torn apart beyond repair. No, he hadn´t wanted for her to leave, he had wanted for her to stay with him, to be with him forever, but what he was obliged to had destroyed everything. Dorian had never wished to be anyone else so badly before as he did now. For Tiegan he wanted to be someone else, someone more worthy of her, someone who would be able to give her what she needed. But as it was now he had destroyed anything and as he sat there, face buried in his hands, Dorian didn´t care whether anyone might catch and punish him now. There was no punishment that could hurt like the torrent of longing and despair was hurting inside him now. There was nothing that could hurt as much as the feeling of rejection.

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OOC: Hope I'm not interrupting.... :wink:

 

Lavinya wandered silently through the gardens, straightening her bodice and skirts as she moved, smile curving her full, kiss-swollen lips. It had been an interesting evening, to say the least, heightened by the experience in the Ogier grove. Enlightening, one could call it.

 

She breathed deeply of the night air, letting her mind stray away from the Tower, where she was heading, and back to the evening she'd just enjoyed in the strong embrace of a marvellously talented man. The lush smells of the garden made her sigh softly in contentment, before she halted, drawing on the One Power, the sweet fulfillment of life flowing through her veins, as she removed the wrinkles and grass stains from her gown.

 

Senses heightened by the power as they were, she picked up a sound on the breeze, voices, pitched low, but undeniably voices. Another Aes Sedai conducting a tryst? Or someone younger where they shouldn't be? Curiousity led her towards the sounds, her eyes sharpened by saidar helping her pick out the white of a novice dress, in the arms of a young man, no doubt from the warders yards.

 

Before she could interrupt, the girl turned and ran, causing Lavinya to frown as she made her presence known to the young man. "You, child, are not to move until I return and speak to you." She said coldly, looking down her nose at the forlorn looking boy. Knowing he would be a fool to disobey she set off after the girl, her pace brisk as she followed the sound of footsteps, eventually catching the girl as she enetered the section of the Tower given over to Novice Quarters.

 

"You child, stop." She demanded, planting her fists on her hips and glaring at her. Had the girl seen her in the gardens? Did she know she'd been caught? Time to see if honesty was a trait the child posessed. "I have no doubt you realise you are out past curfew girl. You had better tell me exactly what you were up to, before I jump to my own conclusions and drag you to the Mistress of Novices' office." Her voice was icy, and though her height was minimal, she held herself in such a manner she could appear to look down her nose at the girl, tossing her vibrant red curls over her shoulder in an arrogant manner.

 

~Lavinya

Gray Ajah

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Guest Faile1987

For once in his life Dorian was oblivious about the noises and smells around him, his mind and soul felt empty, drained of anything that would usually keep him alert and intet on his surroundings. His mind only circled around one single person right now. Tiegan. How could he have been that cruel to her, give her every reason to abandon him here, leave to never come back? No, he was sure that when he heard bells the next time, they wouldn´t be headed in his direction. She had no reason to want to stay with him, he had basically told her to stay away from him, had wanted her to and that the very thing he had intended had actually happened now just seemed to tear him apart, seemed to have broken something inside him.

 

Furiously he told himself that he had only known the girl for two hours now and that his own feelings were fooling him, were making him act unlike he ever would and that he should abandon any thought of her right now. But then again, her presence, her voice talking to him, her hands touching him and her kiss on his lips were still all too vivid in his presence. Painfully vivid, since he knew he had just likely lost the only woman who had seem to care for him, the only one who apart from Danian hadn´t regarded him as a useless pitiful cripple playing at someone he wasn´t. Would never be. But would he ever be what he thought he was? Would he ever be fit to receive the red cloak of a Tower Guard? He certainly would never be bonded and become a Warder, not with his apparent disability and not because he knew he couldn´t be anyone´s Warder after having rejected Tiegan like he just had. No, maybe he just was no more than a crippled fool playing at swordfight. After all that was what he was regarded as here and maybe people were right. Light, he couldn´t even see the sword forms Corin was showing him and he was aware of how much he slowed training down, needing to be guided through every step. Dorian felt that he could work however hard he wanted, but he would never live up to the standards put to him. He couldn´t change who he was. How he was. He had never felt so lost before.

 

Filled with bleak thoughts and feeling like drowning in the surge of his own misery, Dorian sat on the bench like attached to it, unable to move, unable to register anything around him. Thus he suddenly jerked back to awareness when he heard steps approaching him. For the briefest of all moments hope was rising in him that it could be Tiegan returning to him, but as he raised his head, listening closer, the steps had already arrived next to him, steps whose rythm didn´t belong to Tiegan as clearly to tell as if he had been able to see the person standing in front of him suddenly and raising her voice as he gave a shocked start.

 

"You, child, are not to move until I return and speak to you.", her voice was harsh, cold and demanding and Dorian didn´t need to be able to see the agelessness on her face to tell that she was Aes Sedai. His breath seemed to have stopped in his lungs as he suddenly realized what had happened and for a second he just sat there, sightless eyes wide in shock until he realized that the Aes Sedai had already gone off, after telling him to stay where he was. "Light, Tiegan!", Dorian´s voice was a mere whisper, halted with shock. "No!Light what have I done!", he didn´t know if he had said that aloud or just thought it, his mind suddenly spinning as he stumbled after the Aes Sedai, suddenly appearing to hit every obstacle in his way as he crossed the Gardens frantically. Not feeling the pain exploding in his sprained ankle as he staggered into the direction the Aes Sedai had set off, Dorian´s mind only spun around one thing: Tiegan and what he would do if she was sent away, because of him. Light, the mere thought of causing her to be cast out made his heart seem to tear apart. He couldn´t bear the thought of what would happen to her and all because of his fault, because he had wanted her to stay with him. Dorian stumbled across the garden, unaware of his pants catching in a thornbush and the thorns raking his legs, he wasn´t feeling anything but panic welling up inside him. He had to get to Tiegan. He had to be with her, but what would he do? How could he prevent the inevitable to happen? Light, he had destroyed everything!

 

But he was already there, had found them and heard the Aes Sedai snapping at Tiegan "I have no doubt you realise you are out past curfew girl. You had better tell me exactly what you were up to, before I jump to my own conclusions and drag you to the Mistress of Novices' office." Her voice sounded icy and even harsher than it had when she had told him to stay where he was before. Light, what was he to do now? He had never felt as helpless before as he was now standing there frozen like a statue, whispering "I´m so sorry Tiegan" as a tear ran down his face. He had really lost her now.

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OOC- No, you're just in time! :D Join the fun! *hands out bottles of wine, chocolate, and popcorn*

 

 

IC-

Tiegan was half stumbling, half running towards the Tower. She wasn't even sure why she was, or what she was supposed to be running from, but she couldn't bring herself to slow down. Tiegan was already inside the building and into the Novice Quarters when she found herself skidding to a halt when confronted by quite possibly the most terrifying experience she could ever recall facing- an Aes Sedai.

 

Briefly the idea of pretending she was sleepwalking and therefore unable to answer or to respond crossed Tiegan's mind, but she wasn't sure if sleepwalkers ran. Or were in such as mess as she was. Or could make eye contact, followed by a complete look of utter terror and panic.

 

"Um..."

 

And she was too emotionally and physically exhausted to think up of anything else either by now, it had been a long night and full of things that Tiegan hadn't exactly been prepared for. She'd only wanted a walk! It was so much more complicated now. If she'd only had a walk and if Tiegan hadn't meet up with anyone, she probably wouldn't have been very afraid right now. It would have been full out lies, big smilies, no fear for whatever would happen. But now she'd met Faile and Aithne, and that other boy, and Dorian... Tiegan wasn't sure if she liked the idea of leaving it all now.

 

"Um. I was... walking. I couldn't sleep. I didn't know what else to do so I went out to walk." Tiegan started, and then froze. She couldn't exactly give away the names of the other two novices, could she, just to save her own skin? "And um... I went outside. For fresh air."

 

Tiegan's grey eyes darted around to stare at anything but the Aes Sedai, looking very miserable and guilty. Her eyes fell into Dorian standing back there, and her eyes widened in shock. What was he doing? He'd be caught too! Unless he'd already been caught? Was he supposed to be following the Aes Sedai? Hurriedly she added, "And I met a new friend, but... but... but I promise I was going inside and not seeing him again for a long time! I just got caught up in having someone to talk to."

 

She trailed off again, well aware that the last thing the older woman wanted was the woes and insecurities of a novice. Tiegan's eyes fell off Dorian and she stared at her feet again, a bundle of misery and guilt. What if she'd gotten him kicked out? Tiegan would be very glad to be kicked out if it meant he could stay. She felt her heart race a tiny byt as she dared to add, staring up at the older woman, "It really was my idea to stay and talk, Dorian had hurt his ankle and was going to go get some help for it, so ...so... it really wasn't his fault. I made him keep me company."

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Lavinya bristled inwardly at the thought that she had been blatantly disobeyed. If the fool trainee thought he was adept at sneaking through the gardens after her, he was highly mistaken, his presence not missed by Lavinya as she faced the novice who couldn't seem to look her in the eye.

 

She shouldn't have been surprised that the girl decided to spin her a story, she would have likely done the same thing in her position, in fact, she was quite certain she had, during her early days of novicehood. Until the child saw the boy of course, obviously discovering she was about to catch herself in her own lie, when the story rapidly altered to include meeting him...and making him stay with her? It was almost laughable, clearly the young chit had a crush on the boy.

 

Maintaining a straight face, Lavinya lifted a hand, halting the blathering speech. "I have heard enough." She stated firmly. "I advise against associating with such initiates as those without the wits to understand that when an Aes Sedai tells them to stay where they are, she will not brook disobedience." Her voice was cold as she turned and cast a disparaging glance in the direction of the boy. A harsh lesson, perhaps, but one he would learn swiftly. Do not meddle with an Aes Sedai, especially when she has given an order.

 

"You are to present yourself to Faerzyne Sedai's office immediately and explain to her just why you are interrupting her sleep." Lavinya said, turning back to face Tiegan. "Perhaps she will show you why novices are not to waste their time ogling the pretty young boys in the training yards." She clapped once, loudly, appreciating the small jump from the girl. "What are you waiting for child? Go." Folding her arms, Lavinya stood and watched, giving the girl no opportunity to go to the boy before she scurried away after dropping a hasty curtsey.

 

Taking a few steps forward, Lavinya regarded the boy silently, noticing the moist tear that had stained his cheek. "Don't be a fool, child. You will not last long if you cannot even obey a simple instruction from an Aes Sedai." She said softly, somewhat gentler than the way she had spoken to the novice, but the words still carried the weight of her authority.

 

"Come along, I'll let the mistress of trainees deal with you." Sighed Lavinya, leading him slowly out of the tower. It had been a most enjoyable evening, and as much as she enjoyed catching the pair, it was wearying. She'd much rather be tucked up in her warm bed...or still in the ogier grove. Mmm, much more enticing prospects.

 

"Keep yourself together boy, you will no doubt see her again." Lavinya said softly as she urged him through the garden. "You have a long time at the yards ahead of you yet, to risk it all on foolishness now." Why she felt the need to give him the advice she didn't know, perhaps it was the fondness she had for attractive men, though this one was far from a man yet. Still, she'd always preferred male company to female, and felt a lot sorrier for the pitiful looking boy than she had for the novice.

 

Finally making their way through to the yards, Lavinya lifted her hand and rapped on Ginae's door, hoping the woman was there at this hour.

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With some effort Ginae raised her arms above her head. Standing on her toes she reached up as far as she could, stretching herself until she stood as straight as an arrow. Then she lowered her arms in a graceful arc, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet before letting her head fall back and letting it roll slightly, feeling the strain of sitting behind a desk all day seep out of her slowly. It had been a busy day. She yawned, putting a hand in front of her mouth even though there was no one to see her yawning. A force of habit. Her mother always said that, if she chose to act like a trolloc, she could go live with them. Being raised the way she was, that hadn’t been a particularly appealing thought. She smiled slightly, knowing that she would look left and right and above before exiting her office. Old habits indeed. Once a borderguard, always a borderguard.

 

She was just about to move to her door when a firm knock startled her out of her thoughts. She sighed softly. “Duty calls again.†She muttered. The knock had been without hesitation. A Tower guard, probably. But to disturb her at this hour? It was odd. She usually found herself in the common room at this time of the day. “Enter.†She called, taking place behind her desk once more. Much to her displeasure she felt the kink she had been trying to work out of her neck shoot right back in. “Ashes.†She muttered, lowering her eyes for a moment to look at her clean desk. No more paperwork. That was a small victory at least. It had taken some effort, but her administration was finally up to date.

 

When she raised her eyes to the door again she was greeted by a sight she had not expected. She rose from her seat and gave a small bow. “Aes Sedai.†She said. She didn’t recognise this particular Aes Sedai, but that didn’t matter. The woman’s poise and ageless face gave her away. Ginae had spent years in Tar Valon, as well as years fighting for Aes Sedai in the borderlands, which had only strengthened her respect for all Aes Sedai. It had also taught her that, despite the one power and their experience, Aes Sedai were human. And this particular Aes Sedai looked tired. Well, all the more reason to deal with this swiftly. Her eyes wandered to the young man standing next to her. “Dorian.†She said, a firmness in her voice that hadn’t been there before. That was certainly a surprise. Wasn’t he supposed to be in bed? She shook her head slightly. She hadn’t expected him to be a troublemaker, but the look on his face, and the presence of the Aes Sedai proved that she had been wrong. “What can I do for you?†she asked.

 

 

~Ginae Auvriani

MoT

ooc: Sorry for the delay

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“Aes Sedai.†Lavinya nodded in recognition to the respect in Ginae's voice as much as the small bow. She sighed softly as she presented the trainee to her, seeing the surprise in her eyes. He hadn't particularly struck her as an obvious trouble maker either, but Lavinya could hardly send the novice off for punishment without doing the same for the boy.

 

"I apologise for disturbing you so late, but I encountered this one and a novice together in the tower gardens." She waved a hand towards a miserable looking Dorian. "The girl will be dealt with, and I thought you would be the best to speak with Dorian here. It appears he has selective hearing when it comes to obeying an Aes Sedai." Her lips twisted ruefully as she shot Dorian a meaningful glare, no doubt lost on him due to his poor eyesight. Of all the Aes Sedai to outright disobey, he had chosen the wrong one, even if she was of half a mind to let him get away with it.

 

"Essentially he was where he shouldn't be, with company he shouldn't have." Lavinya lifted one shoulder in an elegant shrug. "But when told to stay where he was, the fool boy thought that gave him license to chase me as I dealt with the other party involved." She shook her head, giving Ginae a look which said so what could I do? "I'm inclined to be lenient, but not many other Aes Sedai would be in my position. Hence I hope you can teach him some sense, if he plans to pursue a career as a guard."

 

Falling silent, Lavinya clasped her hands easily in front of her, ready to take her leave but waiting to make sure Ginae wanted no more of her, belatedly realising she had neglected to close the door to the office. This brought a slight frown to her features, she was not normally so obtuse as to neglect even trivial tasks such as this. It was hard to concentrate on anything at the moment, somthing which was not helped by the lack of sleep she was experiencing. Self-discovery and growth was supposed to be a good thing, instead she felt as though she had been dragged through a wringer the wrong way. She certainly didn't feel stronger, that was for sure.

 

~Lavinya

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A bright full moon cast long sloped shadows across the dark white town of Tar Valon as Corin’s eyes scanned the streets below one final time. It had been a quite night and his replacement was already making his way along the passage; silver slivers reflecting moonlight off the white stones smooth surface. A hand rose to stifle a yarn before the man appeared before him. It took only a moment to update the boy and turn the watch over to him. It really did seem the new guards were getting younger, Had he really been that young when he was raised? Surely older and more wiser, not a simple wide eyed child. He turned and glanced back once more before shaking his head in disbelief and stepping down the stairs toward the yard below.

 

Taking the time to stretch once while hidden in the dark pooling shadows at the base of the wall Corin began to welcome sleeps embrace as the weight of the day began to make him feel sluggish; shoulders heavy and a bed welcome. It seemed some days that his life was more of a routine then a life. Everything happened to a schedule and nothing really went awry. Sure there was nothing routine about a certain Green, but other then that his life was a schedule of regulated events. Surely there was more to life as a guard then this, his sigh echoed softly off the stone walls of the out buildings in the yard as he made his way toward the barracks and another night spent in dead slumber.

 

Voices drifted along an almost unnoticed breeze; grass blades bowing ever so slightly to it’s passing. Light spilled out from the Mistress of Trainee’s office; a strange sight at this time of night. Curiosity would have moved him in it’s direction of it’s own but a familiar voice tickled his ear and brought memories in bold contrast to his mind. Some of those memories were best left in the past; others had been the basis were they now stood. “Lavinya,†his lips mouthed the name silently and stopped as a name rolled out of the room in her musical voice he had never expected. Dorian? What in bloody ashes has the boy gotten up to with her? He moved swiftly and silently to the door’s edge taking the conversation in as he approached. Shoulders that had once been heavy now felt tight with frustration and disappointment. His mentee in less then a respectable position, the boy had obviously not learned from the last time Corin had punished him for disobedience. Corin had strongly believed his brother would be a bit of a handful, but not this one. How quickly the wolf is discovered under the sheep’s clothing.

 

He watched, as Lavinya seemed to take great pleasure in the boy’s situation. So quickly she seems to have forgotten, and yet I the boy is deserving. “It seems none of us are strangers to being in places we should not with people we should not.†His voice was soft and light yet in the silence it seemed to take over the room, three sets of eyes swung to his presence in the door way. “Lavinya Sedai,†he addressed her with a respectable bow, eyes holding hers momentarily before sweeping to Ginae. “Please excuse the interruption Mistress Ginae, I was returning from wall duty when I heard the boy’s name,†his eyes flicked to the boy; an edge of hardness touching them before he could school it back to normal. “I though I might save another guard his sleep and stop so you would not have to send for me or dispatch correspondence in the morning. I hope you don’t mind.†His eyes flicked back to Lavinya trying to read the expression that had been there a moment ago.

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Tiegan clentched her teeth together nervously when the Aes Sedai inturrupted her and tried to force the rest of the words that were trying to exist to go back to nothing...

 

She glanced to Dorian again hopelessly. She wasn't discoraged in liking him at all, rather, she suddenly worried about him. Till she heard what she was supposed to do... and what she wasn't supposed to do. But she hadn't been ogling, had she?

 

Tiegan jumped at the clap and with a helpless look at Dorian again, she hurried off down the hall and away from Dorian.

 

In her flustered state, Tiegan took a little while to find the right place, half paniked about getting there quickly before it got even later. But once she was at the door she paused and panted for air. Tiegan rapped a few times quietly, and waited for a few seconds... then rapped a little louder... then a little louder. But, she reasoned, if the Aes Sedai was too asleep to hear her, she could hardly talk to her. Right?

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Ginae listened to the voice of Lavinya Sedai the way she always listened to every single person who entered her office. With patience. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, a pose that would have oozed either anger or boredom if it was taken by another. She nodded here and there, her eyes occasionally wandering over to Dorian. The boy couldn’t see her, but she was quite sure he could feel that she looked at him, weighing in. To her surprise she was interrupted before she could pass judgement on the boy. “Corin.†She greeted the Tower Guard, who was also the mentor of the boy. Apparently he too had something to say about the matter.

 

“That’s fine, Corin. I wouldn’t have called upon you until the morning anyway. There’s little that we can do about this matter at this time.†She turned to look at Dorian again, looking him up and down as if his looks could tell her anything about why he’s run off after some novice. Well, not that the question why would have such a complicated answer. Blind or not, Dorian was a young man, and young men tended to get a little irrational when young women were involved. She had expected better from him though. Her eyes narrowed slightly when she looked at Corin. Something was off here… was this not the first time the young man had crossed the line? She would have to keep a closer eye on him and his twin.

 

She focussed on Dorian again. “Well… what to do with you?†she said. The smile that curved her lips didn’t reach her eyes or her voice. Dorian seemed to want to have his say in things, but Ginae would have none of it. “Shush, I’m really not interested in your side of things right now. Corin, you will have to watch your student better, and you will teach him the rules we have here, and why. I had expected you’d already done so by now. Dorian, you will report to the stables tomorrow, where Master Halwin will inform you what your punishment will be. If I, or anyone else sees you around the novice in question again While you’re not supposed to be around her, you’ll see what we do to rulebreakers here. Now get out!†she finished with a shout, which was usually rather effective on trainees. She looked at Lavinya again. “Aes Sedai, I thank you for your effort. We will keep a better eye on this one.â€

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Corin watched in mild interest as Ginae began on the boy; stopping him cold before he could begin a defense. His eyes flicked occasionally to Lavinya to see if his words had registered anything in the spirited redhead he knew. â€Corin, you will have to watch your student better, and you will teach him the rules we have here, and why. I had expected you’d already done so by now.†Ginae’s cool tones brought his attention back to the Mistress of Trainees in sharp focus. Not only had the boy succeeded in getting himself into trouble, getting caught by a Aes Sedai; Lavinya no less, he had also brought the less then excited side of Ginae on him. Training kept his eyes on the Mistress of Trainees and his face relaxed as he tipped his head in acknowledgement of her comments. "Yes Mistress Ginae," his voice, threaded thinly with servitude, hid the underlying edge of annoyance bottled inside. Oh yes mistress, I will be keeping an eye on this one. He will find little time for life when I get my hands on him later. He straightened and listened to the boys sentence; felt the glance of Lavinya; could that be satisfaction I sense.

 

The sudden tenseness Dorian's body took at the shout from Ginae almost edged a smile from him as he watched the boy bow and wheel to leave the room. He was not about to let the boy off quite so easy for casting him in poor light in the Mistress of Trainee's eyes. As the boy moved past him he collected his arm in a firm grasp and tipped his head close. "You will wait outside for me before you return to your rooms, we are not done here yet." His voice now held cold authority in very low hushed tones meant only for the boy. Releasing him he straightened once more, eyes slowly making their way back to Ginae's. "As you have assigned Master Halwin to the boy's punishment I will endeavor to reinforce the rules of the yard. If there is nothing further you need of me Mistress Ginae," he nodded a slight bow to her. "I will be off to my quarters." Waiting for Ginae to acknowledge and release him, Corin turned to Lavinya "I am sorry for the trouble my mentee my have caused you Lavinya Sedai. I will try to ensure he understands the rules and the way they work," the slight emphasis on way should have gone un noticed for the most part. Rising from a formal bow he paused a moment longer then turned sharply on heel and stepped out into the cool darkness again.

 

Collecting the boy from where he was standing just back from the pool of light that spilled from the open door Corin headed further out toward the yard; outside listening distance of Ginae's office. Feeling comfortable that he was not going to be heard by the Mistress of Trainees he rounded on the boy hard and cold as ice. "If I ever catch you pulling a stunt like that a visit to Mistress Ginae's office will be like picking flowers compared to what I will do with you. Foolish boy, you know you are not to be anywhere near a girl in White. Don't even try," stopping the boy as he once again began to attempt to voice something. "I don't want to hear your excuse right now. You have 10 minutes to have everything you own in a pack and on your back. Every weapon you own or have assigned to you strapped on your person and back out here before me. We are going on a little run; for every minute you are late you will be demonstrating 10 pushups. Do I make my self clear," a dangerous edge had taken his voice now as he let emotion take hold more then he expected.

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Corin. The familiar voice came as a shock, causing Lavinya to turn to take in the bearer of the words. It took a lot of restraint to keep the smooth mask on her face, the words he had spoken had not been missed on Lavinya, nor the meaning behind them. Her heart and instinctively leapt at the sight of him, memories and emotions crashing about her, not helped by the position she now found herself in. Clearly he had heard just how she had found yound Dorian. It must make her look quite the hypocrite, having the lad chastised for something she herself did often, most noteably the day she had met Corin.

 

Lavinya barely held in a sigh. Didn't he realise her hands had been tied? That she couldn't turn a blind eye, not when it had been two such young culprits. Light, she would have been raked over the coals if it had been found out that she had left them to their liason. She turned her eyes back to Ginae, avoiding looking at Dorian. She did feel for him, she herself had gotten up to much mischief as an initiate, indeed she was still not one for propriety. The penalty seemed harsh to her, especially when combined with a tongue lashing for Corin. Lavinya inwardly flinched, she had certainly not intended for this to happen.

 

"Yes Mistress Ginae" Lavinya flicked her eyes in Corin's direction once more, wondering if she was the only one that noted his tone didn't quite match his demeanor. Then again she couldn't help but pay close attention to the man that had taught her so much, even if it had been unwittingly. Was he annoyed with her? Surely she wasn't to blame for his student's behaviour. It seemed she was inevetibly going to constantly have her actions misread, particularly by this tower guard who at times seemed to know her so well, seemed able to see into her very soul.

 

“Aes Sedai, I thank you for your effort. We will keep a better eye on this one.†Lavinya nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak, as Corin made his apologies. He did not seem impressed, in fact his whole demeanor seemed quite at odds to what she had learnt. Of course, this was his domain, and his trainee, with her help, had inadvertently made him look the fool. "I am sorry for the trouble my mentee my have caused you Lavinya Sedai. I will try to ensure he understands the rules and the way they work." Lavinya did flinch this time, albeit it at his back as he turned and stormed his way out of the office. Light, but was this all her doing? She did not envy Dorian, something told her Corin would be a strict teacher.

 

Taking her leave from the Mistress of trainees, Lavinya stepped out into the night once more, in time to hear Corin berate the lad. She hesitated in the shadows, once more feeling for Dorian as he hastily set off to do his bidding. Stepping towards him, she moistened her lower lip, suddenly uncertain, but wanting to say something. She could not just see him again and leave, he had come to mean far too much to her for that. "It appears I am not the only one who has a tendy towards hypocrisy..." she said softly, a wry smile twisting her lips to take the sting from the words. "I did not realise Dorian was your student. It seems he landed us both in an awkward position." She paused in her step, close enough to see his features in the moonlight, but not so close as to seem improper. After all, they were out in the open, and she did not know how he would react to her presence at all. "It is a pleasure to see you again, I just wish it was under different circumstances." Lavinya smiled again, tilting her head to the side slightly. It was good to see him, if somewhat awkward, given her activities for the evening.

 

"I hate to be harsh on the pair, after all I was little different as a novice." She gazed off to where Dorian had run. "And some things never change." She said softly, ruefully. What was he thinking? She wished she knew, he stirred so much in her, yet at the same time fuelled her uncertainty, her vulnerability. Light, all she wanted was a little reassurance, a smile, a nod, anything to show what he was thinking, but his face was unreadable, half hidden in the shadows.

 

~Lavinya

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Faile1987

OOC: So sorry for the long wait, but here it finally is:

 

Dorian

 

Dorian stood straight and stiff like a statue as he awaited the lecture in the Mistress of Trainees´ study, feeling equally lifeless and unemotional like one as if the realization of what he had just caused by his own selfish actions dawning on him had just gouged every emotion or care whether for himself or the people around him out of his mind. In fact the only person in the world he cared for, all his thoughts and fears where centered on, was most likely hating him now with the same passion that he had felt radiating from her when she had talked to him before. He bit his lip hard, only dimly becoming aware of the blood he suddenly tasted on his tongue, yet the pain was welcome as he felt like wanting to die on the spot when Ginae Auvriani, Mistress of Novices and reknown for not sparing anyone in terms of a just punishment rose her voice.

 

Despite his utter hopelessness and the hollowness creeping inside him, filling him out and making him feel as though he wasn´t more than a scarecrow, a puppet stuffed with straw, lifeless and silent reminder to stay away from him, a sudden urge to speak, to tell this woman why he had forsaken the rules of the Warder´s Yard and last but not least her trust, burned in him. Yet all he got for attempting to raise a word to her, was Ginae´s snapping refusal to hear him now, making clear that there was no time for excuses or explanations as she extinguished the spark to give the reason for what had happened at once.

 

Head bowed, already hearing her tell him that the Warder´s Yard held no place for one like him, unable to live up to the standards put to him and then breaking one of the most important rules on top of it all, his disobediency reason enough to get rid of him one and for all. He heard her say that it had been a mistake to accept him along with his brother in the Yard right at the beginning, that it had been pure mercy and commiseration for his pitiful request to become part of them. She had known that he´d never make it right from the start and now only saw her doubts confirmed and there wasn´t even the slightest reason to allow him to stay with them as he had used up all the bonuses she had generously allowed him.

 

To all of that Dorian had already resigned, silently awaiting the inevitable sentence coming down on him, suddenly surprised at himself how little he seemed to care about it, feeling dead inside already so it wouldn’t matter much anymore if he returned to Altara and certain death now. It would only make things easier in the end. But then the words that where bound to send him away, cast him out of the only hope of starting a new life and escape the assassins waiting for him in his native Altara where the pleasure of seeing his mother again, but also the certainty of death before long were awaiting him, wouldn´t come.

 

Dorian raised his head, confusion plainly showing on his face despite his trying to cover it quickly – never show emotions in situations like that, maybe the very first rule Carl had taught him and Danian, a lesson he had always managed well, until now – He wasn´t sent away? The stables? That was all? Well, it wouldn´t be easy but compared to what he had thought the Mistress of Trainees was holding in store for him, this was like a nice walk in spring.

 

Dazed, somehow feeling unreal all of a sudden as though what was happening around him didn´t really affect him after all as it was just too unrealistic, like voices coming out of nowhere, crashing down on him, yet what they said not really touching him, bouncing off the shell he felt himself being encased in, Dorian just remained there, head bend in acceptance of whatever might still come, but he didn´t really listen at all. He wasn´t really there anymore, what mattered had been said and he wasn´t sent away, that was the thing that really mattered in the end. A faint hope was creeping into his dazzled consciousness, the notion that maybe if Ginae was merciful with him, Tiegan would make a similar experience. Light, he hoped it would be like that, hoped so hard, he didn´t realize he was clenching his fists at his sides as though wanting to cling to that last straw that somehow everything would turn out more or less alright in his utter desperation.

 

This hope, the idea of her being allowed to stay at the White Tower after all, filling his mind, pushing the thought aside that emerged simultaneously though: they would never see each other again, a thought he could barely stand, already now longing for her, Dorian followed his mentor outside, his movements mechanically as he bowed to Ginae and passed the door before the fresh nightbreeze cooled skin he hadn´t even been aware of was coated in a faint layer of sweat.

 

Abruptly Corin´s sharp voice jerked him out of his stupor though, telling him to get ready for a run with everything he owned and all his weapons strapped to him. Dorian´s head shot up and knowing it was pointless to try and complain, to tell him that he wasn´t in the state to run with his ankle and all, he only nodded curtly before he turned around after saluting his mentor with an apt bow and made for his room, already on the way suddenly feeling the pain in his twisted ankle gain admittance to his awareness again.

 

But Dorian wouldn´t waste any time in feeling for the hot and puffy swell pressing against his left boot, making the softness of the material suddenly feel tight and more than uncomfortable. Yet Corin´s order had been clear and not wanting to add those push-ups on his list, Dorian stuffed his clothes and everything in his possession into his saddlebags and a backpack, strapping all of it to himself rather awkwardly, already feeling the weight of it on him before he added the wooden lathe, his light katana as well as the knives he used to practise with, though he had soon found out, how vain practising with throwing knives was with regard on his blindness.

 

Taking a deep breath and a gulp out of his waterflask as he already knew he would more than long for the cooling sensation of the liquid down his throat, Dorian clenched his teeth as he blocked out the stabbing pain that shot through his ankle when he made his way back to his mentor, pointedly not limping but resting his weight on the injured foot. The last thing he wanted was Corin thinking he didn´t know how well he deserved every punishment he got. For the honour of the Yard, his mentor, maybe his own, but most of all for Tiegan, above everything. Clinging to the spark of hope that had settled down in his mind now, glowing faintly yet not yet extinguished completely, Dorian forced himself to block out anything but the thought of her and how much he wanted her to be alright. The pain he felt would be just a welcome reminder of everything that had happened.

 

Still drawing everything troubling him, everything he was afraid of deep into the oneness, Dorian managed to face his mentor, packed as he was in the Yard, just in time, not faltering under his burden as he bowed to him again, only dimly realizing that he wasn´t alone, but the Aes Sedai who had found him and Tiegan still at his side. “Lavinya Sedai. Corinâ€, Dorian rose again, his face unreavealing and prepared. “I stand ready for your orders.â€

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Corin watched the boy with an intent eye as he bowed and wheeled for the barracks and his room. Don’t be late boy, the though was more a whish for him self then it was a wish for the boy’s sake. He had no real desire to be out here at this hour with his turn at the wall coming early in the morning hour. Had it in fact not been Lavinya’s voice in that office he might not have stopped at all. How was it she could still muddle his mind? But he had stopped and now he was going to ensure this was nipped in the bud early. The last thing the boy needed was the distractions of a girl and her future Aes Sedai claws; whether he understood that or not. From the catalogue of memories rose a conversation with his mentor while he was still sneaking out to train with Sirayn. He tilted his head slightly watching the boy as he disappeared around the corner. Something was not right; the way he moved, something.

 

Even as Lavinya Sedai materialized out of the building’s shadow the light flowery scent of her hair filtered the expanse to twine around his thoughts. He cut a glance sideways at her comment; face still the chiseled stone authority of a yard mentor. Just the view of her once more; silhouette in the soft shimmering moon light stirred feelings he had, until now, successfully kept lock up deep inside. Her hair, in a slight disheveled look, framed a face that still if he was not careful infiltrated his dreams. In a way she had been a part of what had gotten him exiled from Sirayn’s presence. I could lay so much blame and hurt at your feet ….. Yet still it is myself I fight to keep from laying at your feet in surrender. He watched as her lips, moist and glistening in the moon light, curled at the edges in a wry smile. Perhaps her way of making the words less then they seemed.

 

His eyes returned to the building corner Dorian had fled behind at her words of his mentee. He nodded at the mention of the awkward position the boy had made this. Noted the stop in her movement; a safe distance still separating them for propriety. Even in the dark at this late hour the yard held too many eyes that watched; and he could feel them press in on him. He had been cornered by Sirayn shortly after there first meeting; there last meeting Sirayn had impressed on him during that uncomfortable time. In reality it was not just to appease Sirayn he had stayed a safe distance from this redhead. It was also for himself; not knowing if he could have the control, the restraint to keep friendship at friendship and not fall deeper then he could afford. He would have been true to his word, if she had sent for him he would have met her anywhere. But so far she seemed to accept the idea of friendship between them. "It is a pleasure to see you again, I just wish it was under different circumstances." Her voice still sounded musical to his ear as he turned to face her; watched the moon bathe the side of her face in light as she tilted her head. Light if you only knew how hard it is to see you and not hold you; feel you close It would have been so easy after Sirayn had banished him from her presence to fall into Lavinya’s warm arms and be lost in a closeness he knew she would return.

 

“It is good to see you again also Lavinya,†he bowed slightly resisting the urge to collect her hand. The light from the MOT’s office snuffed out and he straightened rigidly for a moment. A reminder that there were eyes everywhere. With a quick salute to Ginae he watched as she disappeared into the dark toward her quarters. Only when the footsteps no longer reached him did he turn his attention back to Lavinya. "I hate to be harsh on the pair, after all I was little different as a novice and some things never change." His eyes swept briefly to where she looked and then back to her profile a small knot tight in his stomach. Since they had last met curiosity had worked it’s trade on him; most notably after certain comments Sirayn had offered. What he had found out had confused him immensely. She was an Aes Sedai of the grey; a place of honor being risen to the shawl. But some of the stories he had heard …. Many did things while they were trainee’s. It was an extension of who they had been or the last shreds of defiance in who they where becoming. But the few stories he had hear painted Lavinya in a shade of color closer to Sirayn’s comments then he liked; then he was willing to believe.

 

Unconsciously he flexed fingers of the hand that hand been broken; though not nearly as bad as the fellow who had been spouting off in that tavern. Why did he care what happened to her …. What some said about her. “You look like you have had a rather .. Busy night Lavinya.†He voice still held a slight edge but it was not for her. He hope she would recognize that as he let the edges of his features soften slightly; a touch of warmth enter his eyes. “I am sorry you were disturbed by the boy, he really is a good kid. I would say I do not know what got into his head but that would be a lie.†An edge of remembrance entered his voice; betrayed the distant front he still tried to hold as he forced his glance back to the building where the boy had slipped behind. How long had it been? “I may not know the situation I can imagine; I was a trainee too at one time.†He attempted a weak smile at his comments as if in jest of his own words while he met her gaze. How easily he could fall prey to those deep brown eyes again. His torn and confused heart demanded more from him; moved with without thought. His eyes scanned quickly around them as his hand began to raise toward her. His features still remained distant, an example of the battle that waged inside. “I have …†a soft clattering sound rounded the distant building and drew his focus intently; an eagle drawn to it’s prey.

 

He dropped his hand to his side as hard authority filled him once more; added ice and command to his voice. Impassionate eyes followed the awkward progression of the over burdened blind boy as he approached and dropped into a formal bow for Lavinya before addressing himself. So much potential if the boy does not force me to kill him. “You are lucky, it seems you have met the first requirement. Since you were so easily able to find your way to the barracks and back you should have no problem finding the track from here either.†His voice dropped, a darker edge touching it again as he leaned in toward the boy, “you will run until I say stop, are we perfectly clear on that.†He waited for the boy to nod before he leaned back again. “Good … now run!!†the sudden shout smashed the peaceful quiet calm and echoed off the buildings. He watched as the boy moved off toward the track in a shuffling jog. I don’t know what it is but there is something wrong.

 

He watched Dorian set to the track; rounding the near corner and setting out along the back straight. “Why,†the word was soft ; his back still turned to Lavinya as he studied the boy. Why had he gotten mixed up with a Novice? Why did Lavinya of all people catch them? Why was she out there? Why am I so hard on him? Why can I not make Sirayn see sense? Why? Always there was why Lavinya’s soft voice broke his concentration again pulling his mind and ear to her though he did not turn. His eyes remained on the boy working the track; his mentee, his responsibility. He listened to her, took her words in but could not shake the sensation of eyes watching in the dark. He had to make things right with Sirayn, what might have happened moments ago would not have helped that cause. He noticed the boy stumble and realization finally came to mind. “Bloody ashes! The boy will make himself lame at this rate and then what am I to tell Ginae.†He stepped forward and froze for a moment before spinning quickly on heel to face one half of the torment that consumed is mind. He dropped into a very formal bow, “if you will excuse me Lavinya Sedai, I must see to the fool boy before he completely destroys that ankle.†Rising he started to turn and stopped; eyes flicking back to her face. “It … it was nice to see you again. Perhaps one day we can go for that ride we spoke about.†What are you doing you foolish man. Have you lost all sense. You are playing with fire and you are going to get burned. Common sense buried somewhere in the quagmire of confusion and loss broke free enough to bring the obvious to light. Only he had already spoken the words; could not take them back. He quickly turned and jogged toward the track where a problem he could deal with lay.

 

It did not take long to catch up to Dorian as he worked his way around the track. He was doing quite well considering the load, his blindness, and the problem ankle. “Okay, time to stop and have a little chat Dorian.†His voice still held it’s authoritive tone but it no longer held the iced edge. Grabbing the boy by the elbow he lend him to the inner grass circle, “loose the load and have a seat.†Watching he sat down on the grass cross-legged and waited for the boy to finish and settle to the ground. “You did not just hurt that ankle did you?†The boy nodded and he suppressed a sight, “I didn’t think so; mind telling me how you did hurt it?â€

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Standing in front of his mentor, loaded with all he possessed and trying to somehow keep up a dignified appearance despite all the humiliation he felt, let alone the stinging torment of despair threatening with tears welling up in his eyes, Dorian remanined silent, waiting for Corin´s orders to come. Which they did promptly. After a short appreciation of his being punctual, an appreciation that still would have been dripping with scorn if not for his mentor´s icy voice, Dorian didn´t even have the time to wonder what Lavinya Sedai was still doing here, apparently having been in a rather deep talk with Corin as Dorian could recognize even though he couldn´t see their faces. Yet all of that was suddenly brought to a halt when Corin´s bellowing at him to run seemed to tear the air apart, making him jump despite the load strapped to him and his throbbing ankle.

 

Gritting his teeth, biting his lower lip as though wanting to bite back the pain shooting through his left foot, Dorian still hurried himself to set off and started to run against all of his better knowing. Regardless to the knowledge that he was about to worse than ruin his foot if he kept on like that, Dorian ran on and on, pain exploding in his ankle, eventually becoming a numbing agony, yet he stumbled on as quickly as he could. He wouldn´t give up like that, wouldn´t humiliate himself any further in front of Corin than he already had. Dorian clenched his teeth, noticing the did so while still biting his lower lip ony unconsciously, the metallic taste of his own blood only a dim notion. In his opinion what he got now was the least he deserved, even knowing that he had been mentally ranting with himself about this since he had first felt Corin´s singing eyes on him, a faint feeling of almost being glad not to be able to see that fiery-eyed stare on him facing the fact that his mentee had more than only disappointed him.

 

Guilt. The only feeling cracking that numb shell of emotionlessness. Guilt towards Corin, the Mistress of Trainees, whose trust he had both broken, but even more and above all towards Tiegan, whose trust and every bit of affection she might have had for him he knew he had forsaken irrevocably now. Maybe knowing this, feeling empty and devastated inside, was the only thing that kept him going, maybe he wasn´t even aware of still running as physical and mental pain became one and he felt a hollowness take hold of him that he knew would soon envelop him, swallow him, broken as he was. In fact nothing about that mattered anymore now though, nothing was of any real importance or even making him feel like he should care about what was happening. Somehow everything faded from him, as his senses were slowly eluding him, becoming more and more distant before entirely vanishing into nothingness.

 

“Okay, time to stop and have a little chat Dorian.†The stern words of his mentor only barely scraping the surface of his consciousness consumed by the emptiness filling him, only a firm grip on his elbow and the realization of being led away, his feet somehow moving – stumbing – by themselves, let Dorian´s awareness return eventually. Awareness of where he was and awareness of the pain – right now the physical pain taking over in a very persistent way – as well though. Awareness that made him collapse, rather than sit down next to Corin after stiff and unfeeling fingers had loosened the burden he had been carrying strapped to his body. The sudden loss of the weight packed on him, made his knees buckle entirely though, bringing him down to the ground, feeling as helpless as a bug that had fallen on its back unable to get up again and doomed to die without any help.

 

Having to lean against a nearby tree to actually stay upright, Dorian closed his eyes only barely suppressing a flinch when Corin asked him about how he had hurt his ankle that badly. Biting his already bleeding lip again hard as though wanting to distract himself of the hot fiery pain that had somehow crept up his entire left leg now, Dorian nearly blended that out though as his muzzy mind tried to find an answer to that question. An answer that held as much truth as possible as he despised lying in general for one and didn´t want to lie to his mentor for another, but still far enough away from the truth not to cause anymore trouble to Tiegan again as he already had. His mind was running in circles as he looked at Corin rather helplessly, torn between just making up something and blurting out the entire truth. After all he needed to talk to someone so badly. Someone like Corin who Dorian somehow felt like he would understand for whichever reason.

 

Yet he couldn´t. He just couldn’t betray Tiegan again. For like a betrayal it felt. Nothing else than that. His mind spun in wild circles. Light, he ached for being relieved of this burden, something weighing him more down than every load strapped to him could, something that slowly seemed to make him go mad, making his head spin, feeling like everything twisting and turning around him, like he was losing his balance.

 

Thoughts were spilling over in his mind. Impressions and memories crashing down on him. Altara. Danian. The day they came to Tar Valon. Tiegan. Her promise. The thrill he had felt when she asked him to be her Warder. Expectations. The deep sadness he had felt as she had to reject her offer. Loss. Loneliness. Tiegan´s touch on him. Her hands withdrawing. Cold. Him trying to hide her fast enough when they were discovered. “Tried to hide…â€, he mumbled his voice slowly fading to nearly being inaudible as he hadn´t been conscious of having been talking, blurting out all of the thoughts occuring to his mind at all. “Had to protect her…keep her out of …trouble…my fault…unworthy Warder…useless…†He was aware of his incoherent ranting as little as he was of the sweat covering his body, as little as he was of the feeling of topping over, sliding down the tree that was supposed to support him, submitting himself to the darkness taking him as his senses eluded him with a last peaceful and almost happy smile enlightening his features before he went limp. “Tiegan.â€

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“You look like you have had a rather .. Busy night Lavinya.†Lavinya stiffened ever so slightly at the words, guilt threading through her calm facade. A busy night indeed. If only he knew the lengths she went to to try to forget him, forget the way he had touched her heart the way no one else had; how he had made it patently clear that he did not feel the same way, did not want her. There was hardly a waking moment that passed that she did not think on their first meeting, the way he had drawn out her hidden self, exposed her secret hurts and vulnerabilities. He had been tender then, and she had reacted like a flower opening to the sun for the first time, trusting and basking in what she had thought she saw. Yet she had clearly been a fool, seeing emotions where she wanted them to be, his words effectively crushing whatever hope and love had begun to grow.

 

So many times she had considered going to him, laying her heart bear once more, telling him just what was going on in the turmoil she called her heart - yet each time she stopped herself, remembering the way he had held himself distant when she would have willingly surrendered herself to him, her heart his for the taking. Yet his rejection had been certain, if kindly given. Friendship. She would not turn it aside, she had too few friends to call her own, yet inside she churned, wanting more, wanting what he did not give. It seemed it was her destiny, to glimpse the life she wanted, but unable to reach it, to be forever taunted with what could never be.

 

Lavinya attempted to return Corin's smile, uncertainty ebbing through her being, like it had some time ago, until she felt adrift on a stormy sea, with no land in sight. Light, but how she longed to fall into his arms again, to feel the warmth and affection he had once showed her, to feel alive inside once more. He had not been completely unaffected by their meeting, she knew that, just as his features softened somewhat now as he reminisced, his words sending her own thoughts back to that day in the garden, when they had both seemed more carefree, for the moment forgetting the burdens of duty.

 

Breath caught in her throat as Corin's hand lifted, her skin crying out for the warmth of his touch, her heart betraying her as it pounded in anticipation. Didn't he realise she would give him whatever he desired? That she owed so much to him, that she longed for him to hold her, protect her, love her. Why couldn't he see? Or perhaps it was that knowledge that prevented him, disgust at her need staying his hand, keeping him distant. The very thought was almost too much to bear, surely it was his ingrained sense of honour and propriety, yet self-doubt chipped away from the inside, her previous hurts rearing their ugly heads, reminding her that no one would ever want her for more than what she appeared on the outside, that she was nothing more than a creature to be tumbled in the hay then left, with no second thought.

 

Whatever Corin had meant to say was left hanging, his word falling unceremoniously to his side, Lavinya's heart sinking along with it. She was so foolish, hoping for what could never be, for what she did not deserve. She sensed rather than saw the change in him, the steely control that again bound him. How she longed to tear down that wall, to penetrate his invisible armour again! Yet it was not her place to do so, Corin had already made it clear to her, abundantly so. If only she could make her heart understand. The words to his student were harsh, causing Lavinya to wonder if he was taking out some of the irritation he felt at her on the boy. His back to her, Lavinya chewed on her lower lip, the elation of her earlier rendezvous dissipated completely, leaving her once more empty and guilt ridden. Corin did not need her baggage, did not deserve a woman who was riddled with problems of her own making.

 

"I won't detain you from your student, Corin." She said softly behind him, painfully aware of the way he did not look at her. Why had he been going to touch her, only to shun her now, his body language speaking volumes? Light, but why could nothing be simple any more? Corin spoke as though unhearing her, further lowering her spirits, tendrils of pain wrapping around and squeezing her fragile heart. He turned, giving her a formal bow, addressing her as though she were just any other Aes Sedai, not the woman who had found herself in his embrace not so long ago. She nodded, as though confirming to herself that she was foolish to believe he cared for her more than he ought.

 

He rose, his emerald eyes seeking hers out, and for a moment Lavinya glimpsed the man she knew, the caring, compassionate man who had broken her fall. “It … it was nice to see you again. Perhaps one day we can go for that ride we spoke about.†Speechless, Lavinya nodded, watching for a long moment as Corin turned and headed from her sight. What did that mean? Did he genuinely want to see her again, or was he being polite? But surely if he was merely being respectful, he would not have alluded to that day, when they had spoken of meeting again, of a ride away from the tower's eyes. Light, but she wished she knew! Slowly she turned, her step heavy as she made her way back to the shadows of the tower, the burden on her heart growing with every step. He was her escape, yet she did not even know if she was entitled to it, knew for certain she did not deserve it. "Why?" She whispered into the darkness, echoing his earlier sentiment. Why did the creator see fit to toy with her soul they way he did?

 

Lavinya

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The boy dropped to the ground with almost the same speed as his pack once he had unfastened the load. Corin could not believe this was happening; how was he going to explain to Ginae what had happened to one of her children in his care. The fool boy was going to get his hide striped for putting him in this position. Never had Corin had to deal with a mentee assigned to him in a disciplinary fashion so many times; and this one was not even halfway through his training. Silence stretched out between them as the boy visibly fought himself to answer the question. His patients began to wear thin as he waited on the boy for an answer he should have been quick to give. What could possibly be worth this much? Where had he placed his loyalty that he could not readily answer the questions? He watched as the boy leaned heavily against the tree; anguish, more then the pain in his leg lay plain upon his face and spoke of secrets. Little things that usually held a wealth of information when laid out in the right light.

 

Pain and exhaustion finally prevailed as the dam walling his thoughts collapsed; broken incoherent thoughts carried on Dorian’s breath touched his ears. They began to build a puzzle in his mind as he worked to fit the pieces of the boy’s secrets to a picture. Each word uttered without though in the near bliss of isolation and the darkness of unconsciousness. Corin gathered each word as he silently watched the boy continue his struggle. He did not want to disturb him just yet; disturbance would only bring back consciousness and still the tongue that continued to betray his thoughts. It ate at Corin how cold and calculating she had made him and yet he could not forget her; forget either of them. As his body completed it’s slump to the ground; head slipping into the soft grass of the field a smile touched his lips with one last utterance, â€Tiegan.†Green eyes, void at first of emotion, regarded the boy laying still in the grass; his breath still coming in labored gasps. Compassion began to touch their edges; soften them as he worked the puzzle pieces Dorian had let slip; reminded himself again how he was just a boy.

 

Time had changed the world again; made the need for them greater. The White Tower was too empty still though they pushed each new member harder; swept each dark corner of the world deeper looking for more. Tarmon Gai’don was approaching and they did not have the numbers they would need. Even the guard fought to train boys faster; push them harder and make them instruments ready for the Towers purpose. He moved to lean over the boy; so much you still have to learn Dorian. So much I still have yet to learn. His eyes turned once more to a place they gazed on often. Somewhere in that area should be Sirayn’s apartment; a destiny he was tied to some how. There had to be away to make clear the murky waters between them but how? What of Lavinya? He could forget his feeling for her as easily as he could stop breathing.

 

Purposeful eyes sought out the boy’s face once more as he brushed the hair from his face. “Welcome to the journey my young mentee; for the life of a guard is intricate webs of conflict and confusion. Knowing which is which and when to speak will become your life soon enough. Don’t rush into the fray with your eyes closed, there will be ample time for that when you grow up.†Corin’s voice was soft and hushed as he continued to work the new puzzle Dorian had started in his mind. He had not heard of this girl Teigan; but there were so many that came now and he had alienated himself from two that might have offered light to the subject. The hurt separated edge in Lavinya’s voice earlier was not lost on him. If she only knew what she was doing to him; knew what deep rents she carved into his heart with the very edge of sorrow’s sharp blade. He was not trying to avoid her of late, not really. He was just not sure he could control himself as he knew he should; as he knew he must. She did not need to be caught up in the troubles and isolation of a pitiful Tower Guard and the mess he had made of his own life. She deserved someone who could lift her up; support her and return the vast wealth of love he had seen in her.

 

Slowly Corin picked up the boy; slipped him over his shoulder and grabbed a strap to his pack. The burden was awkward and heavy but it fit his disposition. A perfect picture of his turmoil life, burden laden and isolated from those he cared for most. Why did the creator taunt him so; continue to turn his world on end. Did he want to see him break? See him become the hollow and lost soul he had seen come to the Tower hoping against hope that the sisters could help them. With a heavy sigh he turned his eyes from the silvery spires that lay home to the two he cherished most but could not have. “Come boy, let’s get you back on your feet so they can knock them out from under you again.†The silent silhouette of the man and his charge draped over his shoulders crossed the shadow filled yard with only the stars and a few watchful eyes to note their passage toward the infirmary.

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