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ATC: The Virtues of Sammael

Guest Balthamel


Hi Evil Forsaken!


Do you guys cry yourself to sleep when you think about how much better Sammael is than the rest of you?  I also heard that Ishamael still wets his bed... is this somehow related to him being better looking than you too?


Keep up the Evil!




'Dear' Leammas,


Why would I cry myself to sleep for not being a short, slashed-up egomaniacal loser? I mean, I've never been one to care too much about fashions or trends (unless there was some way to exploit a quick bit of gold out of it), but I somehow doubt that the vogue thing this year is egomaniacal losers. And anyways, we already know from someone or another having a Foretelling that he's going to die a horrible, lonely loser death, so perhaps we should be pitying the poor idiotic fool.






I appreciate my fan's questions unlike the other Chosen who get a bit jealous. It is a burden to be so popular with the common folk.


Yes, I heard Ishy has nightmares and has some problems in that area. I am sure you are on to something about him being jealous of me though. Good catch.


Keep being awesome true believer.




Only tears I would ever shed over Sammael is because such an intellectualy challenged midget is allowed to share the glory that comes by being given the title Chosen.




Dear Lemur Leammus,


I don't cry over men, at all. So I'm going to have to say no there. If Sammy boy could find a good plastic surgeon and grow an inch or two, perhaps something could be done, though. I don't think crying would be the appropriate term. That's more Semi's area.


As for Ishy, I'm more likely to believe someone's trying to put out the flames in his head than him wetting himself. Do you know, while we were sealed up in that big hole, that he actually lit Moggy's skirts on fire? I don't think I've ever seen her that mad. Of course, maybe that's his version of flirting? I wouldn't put it past her to be the one trying to snuff him out, though.




Dearest Lemming,

Know that you have now made it onto the very short list of people whose souls are earmarked for a very special form of treatment, and that you will literally be steamed, well, 'alive' for lack of a better way to put it, over and over in a Sysiphean task to make even the Marquis deSade wince in horror. Know that it is not water, nor lemon juice nor even a fine chianti I have saved for you, but three thousand years of fermented chamber pots.


To answer your question though, there is nothing to envy in the carved up meat sack that makes up Sammael, know that every time you gaze into a blazing fire, or even the twinkling of a match the beauty of my form stares back at you, patient, waiting, and ready to raze destruction at the slightest misstep.


Mesaana, I wouldn't reccomend bringing that up here, Moghedien still hasn't cooled off from that last bit of bickering, and the balm Semirhage hasn't helped much either.




When will people learn that signing their name backwards stopped working after the second time somebody tried it? Seriously, who would have such lousy self-esteem that they need to send a letter praising themselves to make themselves feel better?


Although it must be stated that Ishy does have nightmares about fire extinguishers.




Praytell, Asmodean, how do you know that Ishamael actually dreams about fire extinguishers? If anything, it sounds like another one of your drug-addled fantasies. And if you're fantasizing about fire extinguishers, I think I actually feel more sorry for you than I thought was possible.




Dear Leammas *coughSammaelcough*,


I am perfectly confident in my abilities to sleep well at night. Unlike Ishy, I need no "plastic sheets" of this Age to avoid soiling my bed.


The pure egotism of you Sammael never ceases to to amaze me. When there is nobody else to stroke his ego for him, he must stroke it himself.


*looks around and giggles*


Perhaps I have said too much.


~~Aran'gar Balthamel


Plastic Sheets, Balthamel? Do you know what happens when I try that? They melt, then they burn. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with the smell of burning plastic? This is why I only sleep on the bed of vestal sacrifices... This way I smell barbeque all night long. This also has the added bonus of making me the envy of all the male Chosen except Asmodean.


~Ishamael, Master of the Grill.


Leammas dearest,


You have to be more specific. Names mean nothing to me. A description would make it easier for me to answer that. And no, "the ugly one" won't focus my attention span either. But, if you swing something shiny in front of me, it should. Anything under 24 carets would be frowned upon, though. You've been warned!

Also just so you know, I don't cry. Ever. My own little effort in helping to conserve our water resources. Every little bit helps :P




Ishy still cries himself to sleep because I won't go on a date with him? How ... sad *smiles serenely*


Dear Lemming


You - me - white room with metal table and bright light - tonight?




Ishy: Nobody is jealous of your barbecue bed. Roasting meat or not, it still smells like urine, no matter what claims you make about your "special marinade".


Graendal-- Look, a shiny! *weaves an explosive ward into a heavy golden collar and tosses it across the room* Go get it, Grennie! It will make you even more beautiful when you put it on. Seeing her without a head would definitely be beautiful... Really, go try it out!


Semi-- I think I express the thoughts of us all when I say: "Ew."


Ligatures and Lollypops,



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