Dear Chosen,

This question is for Mesaana. I recently moved in with my boyfriend and we went to visit a cousin of his so he could work on their computer. This cousin has two small children (2 and 4 I think) who latched on to me rather quickly. It was fun at first, but the cuteness of it started to wear off after an hour. I was thankful when we left, but as we were leaving she asked about babysitting for her once in a while. I like the kids, but I don't think I'll be able to stay sane long enough to watch after them for a few hours or more. Is there anything I can tell her to not upset her or anything I can do with the kids to keep what little bit of sanity I have left if I do decide to babysit?

*******

Dear Poledra,

Let me see if I can give you two answers, since you asked so nicely.

In order not to upset her, you can start with "I feel uncomfortable watching children that I don't know and that don't know me" and know that she'll then suggest you go visit more often. Until you're more serious about your relationship with your boyfriend, I wouldn't get too close to the family. Once there's a ring and a date, THEN you can address babysitting. Sharing rent doesn't count, in my book. That is, unless you're thirty and have a lot of cats.

In order to keep from killing the kids, should you decide not to take this advice, keep them busy. I can't more specific without knowing ages, but go into it knowing that they're not going to sit and watch tv all night and be perfect angels. Find out what they're interested in and keep them moving until they crash.

It's either that or scout the house for a closet big enough to stuff them in until their parents come home. Personally, I'm a big fan of turning them into personal slaves for the evening. That would be the cleanest house in the state if I were left with them. All without my hands getting the least bit dirty...

Truly,

~Mesaana

*****

Poledra,

I had lots of little versions of me running around back in my day. Beware--all they do is eat, poop, and cry. So I did what every smart ladies' man does: Run like hell!

As for babysitting, I would just recommend that you do what countless babysitters have done for Ages: plop the kids in front of their favorite ter'angreal, and go make out with your boyfriend in the parents' bedroom.

~~Aran'gar "Quick, hide in the closet!" Balthamel

****

I do not know much about kids as I have devoted my life to being awesome but I can offer up some advice. If the kids begin to misbehave, send to their room and tell them if they are not quiet you are sending in the monster that lives in the attic. When they continue to talk in the room, dress up in your gorilla costume and storm into the room growling! That will teach them.

-Sammael

The Dr Seus of Evil

****

Sammael, I do not think anyone here is that interested in your... what do these primitives call it, cosplay?

~Moggy

****

Babysittin is an excellent opportunity to start molding the little brats into proper little soldiers, so they can serve in the Great Lords army. Train them really good, and they might even get the honour of serving directly under my command.

/Dem

****

Dear Clueless

First of all, never move in with the boyfriend - their torture chambers are invariably inferior. Make them move in with you - that way, you can a) kick them out when you want or b) hide the evidence when what passes for law-enforcement in your area starts looking for the missing person.

Shut up, Bal, it was one kiss. The fact that I keep your old tongue in a glass jar in my dungeon does not mean you have moved in.

Second of all, though I'm not sure of your level of sanity, if you can be so easily distracted from the children by a pair of baby goats ... or are we still talking about the same family? ... Aah ... they're Southern, right? That would explain much. And solves the problem - just ask Bubba to babysit the children, and spit-roast the kids.

Or vice versa.

Yours lovingly

Semi

****

Shut up, Bal, it was one kiss. The fact that I keep your old tongue in a glass jar in my dungeon does not mean you have moved in.

That's not the only souvenirs you have of me, so I've been told...I heard you have a cute little Balty doll made from my hair. Which is both flattering and creepy at the same time.

~Aran'gar "I don't practice Santeria..." Balthamel

****

If you hadn't lost your ears the last time you snuck into my apartment, you would have heard that it is a VOODOO DOLL!

What? You thought I didn't know you sneak in to steal my undies?

Semi

****

Just because they look better on me than they do on you. Or off of you, for that matter. :P

~Aran'gar

****

Poledra,

As a master of deception I have some pertinent information for you. Go ahead and tell your cousin that you'd love to watch her brood for her. This is the key part of the plan so read carefully. When it actually comes time to watch them, be busy. Be more creative than you're washing your hair though. I think Moghedien tried that once, and look where she's gotten to... *cough* spinster *cough*

~Ishamael

****

Ishy, you're just being bitter that you fell for it. Grow up a bit and realize that asking a girl out 200 times over the course of a month is NOT the way to find a girlfriend.

~Moggy

****

How about you come tell me about it over some dinner and a drink tomorrow night? I'll come pick you up at 8.

~Ishamael

****

I'm sorry, I've got an infomercial to do. Ask again in 300 years.

~Moggy