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Ask the Chosen: Food and the Holidays

Guest Semirhage


Dear Semirhage,


I have heard you are the best doctor ever, so I have a medical question for you, well sorta medical. As you may know, our world has many holidays and many of them are accompanied by vast amounts of delicious food. The problem is, how do we limit ourselves? - besides of course just refraining ourselves. Do you have any cool tips or tricks to help us keep our dinners in out stomachs, as I almost failed doing yesterday after Christmas dinner?



The Tactless Chosen Lover (Still not getting my name)



Dear Tactless,


I continue to think that our fans are silly to believe that they are somehow protected from us if they do not give their names. We are the Chosen, for evilness’ sake! We can find you anyway.


Short of gastric bypass surgery, there are still a few things you can do to keep from looking like a chunky Trolloc during your holidays:


1.) Always eat something before you attend parties. That way, you will be too full to gorge on all the cookies, cupcakes, chips, cheese, crackers, and candy that are served. If you want to eat some of the food at the party, put it on a plate first, then walk away from the table. You’ll be more likely to gorge if you just stand by the table talking to someone, munching as you go.

2.) Learn your body’s signals for satiation (i.e. when you are full). Different people get full at different times, so learn to differentiate between when you are comfortably full and when you are stuffed. Once you are full, stop eating. Don’t worry about asinine things like flattering the chef by eating more than you can handle. Let the other guests kiss the chef’s butt and get fat.

3.) Never eat while plotting how to ruin someone’s holidays. You’ll get so excited that you’ll end up eating ten boxes of cookies before you know it.

4.) Keep the same eating schedule you usually have. Several small meals a day are better than one or two big meals a day.

5.) Exercise! Torturing others is a great form of exercise. How do you think I’ve kept my svelte figure over the Ages?

6.) Don’t celebrate the holidays in the first place. The mere ideas of being “merry†or showing “goodwill towards men†make me lose my lunch. You did say you wanted to keep your dinner in your stomach, so don’t think of disgustingly sweet things. Blech!







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