Dear Moghedien,

First off, I have to say that you are my favorite of the Chosen, even if you are the second most pathetic. Only Asmodean is more pathetic than you, but not by much. I mean, how could you be captured by Nynaeve of all people!? (Now why did I say that to Moghedien. I'm in deep doo doo now)

Anyways, my question is: How should I deal with the cold. I really hate snow and the cold, and I live in Canada, the mountians of the West to be specific. I've considered a giant blow-dryer, but most people say that it's generally a bad idea. What do you think would work?

Also, will you marry me?

Sincerely,

The Tactless Chosen Lover (No, you don't get my name)

"Dear" Tactless,

Firstly, let's NOT talk about the braid-tugging brainless bint. Wait, lets! Because she proves decisively why marriage is a BAD idea- it obviously turns dumb to dumber. And as for myself, I'd prefer to not near that end of the intellectual spectrum.

And while I will agree with you that Asmodean is pathetic (and even more so with this 'modern' music and all the drugs), I can simply say that you are obviously blind to true brilliance, if you are unable to understand the wisdom of working behind the scenes. But since you've not asked about that, or are worthy to hear of that wisdom, I should probably take a moment to consider your inane question.

And a moment is all it takes.

A simple bit of wisdom that I once heard a simpleton say in my youth, that has stuck with me through the years is as such - "There is no limit to how much clothing you can put on, but there IS a limit to how much you can put on." Perhaps you should try putting on another sweater and quit standing in the direct wind. It seems like a vaguely reasonable thing to do to me. That, or moving to somewhere NOT cold.

Or, you could try being like Asmodean and drink lots of wine or oosquai. I've heard that consuming such alcoholic drinks in mass quantities can at least give you the illusion of warmth. Either way, you're hopefully either mind-numbingly happy as only a peon can be, or dead in a ditch. And whichever way you go, you're hopefully out of my hair!

Now, shoo - I've wasted enough time with you, and have bigger fish to fry.