A Bond of Redemption (attn. Myrrhi Aes Sedai)

[Elessar]

.. A Broken Bond: Part 1 - Destruction and Disbelief ..

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OOC: Timewise this RP takes place as Myrrhi is officially an Aes Sedai of the White Tower and after the completion of all her classes / RPs with regards to the Green Ajah.

 

IC: Lost in intense, vivid, and powerful Dreams.. - painful, ever so painful Memories of the Past flashed again in Elessar’s mind..

 

●

 

…Memories…

 

●

 

In that timeless period between one second and the next, the Warder-Bond snapped, like a razorsharp knife slicing through the thinnest of paper, leaving only emptiness behind.

 

Of a multitude of emotions filling Elessar’s mind right then, above all he felt shock.

 

Utter and incredible shock.

 

And disbelief.

 

His world came crashing down upon him.

 

He swayed where he stood above a fallen trolloc, his sword deeply embedded in the creature’s side. The Shadowspawn, a twisted blend of animal and human stock, with a wolf’s muzzle and beastly features, was huge in stature and like all his kindred had been a ferocious fighter. Though far from bright, trollocs were sly creatures as Elessar and his Sedai had experienced several times over the years. This one would reap no more havoc in the Borderlands.

 

Rage and anger swept over him then, replacing the shock, and roaring in defiance he moved like a madman, with surprising agility considering his many wounds, swinging his sword in widening arcs, clearing a path to his Sedai. He was unaware of the bodies he left behind, some also human - Darkfriends! - , of the redness painting the landscape in the colour of death. All his focus was on reaching his Sedai. All his focus was on reaching her.

 

It couldn’t be.. it just couldn’t be..

 

Oh dear Creator. Noooooo!

 

Cradling her head in his arms, a moment later, wetness on his cheeks, he saw the lifeless emerald eyes staring into nothingness, the deadly arrows protruding from her body.

 

Too late.The thought registered in his mind but he barely noticed it. I am too late.

 

●

 

Staring into her face, the face that had laughed with him so many times during their travels, the face that had scolded him at times, the face that had set him in his place when he had overstepped himself but which had always looked upon him with respect and friendship, he saw that he hardly recognized her now. It was almost as if this was some other woman. Almost as if this was a nightmare from which he would soon awaken. But he knew better. Even now, on the brink of insanity and a path into blackness, he knew.

 

Oh Leandreen.. I am so sorry.

 

So sorry.

 

The bitter irony of it all was that they had chanced upon this group of trollocs - and their allies - by accident there in the foothills north-east of the Arafel city of Shol Arbela. On their way toward northern Shienar, on a mission for the White Tower, they had followed some tracks and had stumbled upon the creatures, heading foolishly into an ambush - and battle had arisen. Elessar had felt the taint of the Dark One from a way off, as Warders were gifted with through the Bond to a Sister, but partially distracted by something Leandreen had commented on, partially focused on the next part of their mission,  he had misinterpreted the direction of the danger - a fatal mistake - and before he could assess the situation further it was too late.

 

Leandreen was a proud and capable Sister of the Battle Ajah and had fought valiantly against the Shadowspawn, shielded but on the attack, felling a good number of them with the One Power just as others fell to Elessar’s deadly sword-action some distance away. He was driven apart from his Bondholder but there was nothing he could do about it as he fought hard with the Shadowspawn before him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her fight proficiently as well and seemed more than capable. A momentary lapse of concentration due to exhaustion, however, made her suddenly trip over a fallen body and that was enough for her to let her defences down for just a second; two deadly poisoned arrows, whether by intent or sheer luck, found their mark in her upper torso, her Warder too far away to intervene. Death took her swiftly.

 

Oh Leandreen.. Forgive me..

 

●

 

Sadness was replaced by grief for Elessar.

Utter grief and a feeling of desolation.

 

Grief quickly turned to anger. At himself for failing her. At the Shadow. At the World.

 

Anger turned to hatred and all the blackness buried deep within him erupted in a roaring scream of incredible fury.

 

His eyes blacked over.

 

And laying his Sedai carefully to rest on the bloodied ground, he picked up his sword and turned to face the remaining half-standing trollocs some way off to his left. There was death in his dark eyes and death in his blows as the whirlwind that had once been Elessar Gaidin threw himself into the Shadowspawn with no regard for his own safety.

 

He was a harbinger of death.

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Elessar]

.. A Broken Bond: Part 2 - A Descent into Madness..

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Elessar’s body lay restless on the bed, a painful expression on his sleeping face, his muscles twitching involuntarily.. lost in his harrowing dreams of the past..

 

●

 

…Memories…

 

●

 

Death!

 

He was balancing precariously on a thin line between light and darkness. He was walking a tightrope.

 

Echoes of insanity reverberated in his mind. He was lost to himself and to the world around him. All that mattered to him was to avenge her death.

 

Death!

 

He hardly remembered who he was anymore. Except perhaps when he had his good spells. Day and night became one long blur as he travelled relentlessly toward the Blight. He almost shivered with eagerness, focusing his anger and purpose into what lay ahead.

 

He was hunting.

 

He would ride to Shayol Ghul if need be and there he would bring forth his wrath and take as many of them with him as he could into the realms of death.

 

He would have his vengeance.

 

For Leandreen.

 

 

Though much else came and went in his conscience thought in those long days as he travelled ever northwards, hunting those few who had escaped his wrath, - he was sure there were a few - there had to be! - her name was a constant. Her name was a rock in a churning sea of madness.

 

Leandreen.

 

●

 

He did not encounter anyone in those first days of his journey. He almost wished he had. He wanted someone or something to strike at, a minion of the Shadow to make pay for what had happened. He wanted his vengeance. It was all that he had left.

 

At night came the hallucinations. At night came the madness, slipping under his skin and into his mind like a dark wraith. He saw the beastly, unworldly figures crawling toward him out of the darkness and struck at the shadows with his sword, almost cackling with glee, knowing his sanity was slipping but not caring. His dark eyes were deep wells of fury as he screamed his defiance at the shadows.

 

They never answered back. And after a while they were gone, insubstantial ghosts disappearing into the mists as if they had never been there.

 

At other times, whispering to himself, almost without volition, soft words passed his lips. Incoherent words and sentences. Whispers that caressed his face. Whispers that tore at him all the way to his soul. Whispers out of time.

 

●

 

…Whispers…

 

●

 

I said I would die for you. And I will.

 

No, it’s not too late. I will save you!

 

I promised you, my life before yours.

 

My life before yours.

 

Yours.

 

I will bring them down. For you!

 

I will.

 

My life before yours.

 

It is my duty.

 

Duty.

 

I am too late. Oh my Sedai, I am too late!

 

Too late.

 

 

In more lucid moments, memories from his past washed over him, almost making him dizzy with their clarity.

 

“Dad, I want to become a Warder when I am older”, said the 15-year old Kandori boy.

 

He was fairly tall for his age with bluish-black hair and dark eyes, and one could see in the way he held himself some of the man he would one day become. His eyes were the fairly innocent eyes of youth, however, eyes that would in the years to come harden with the harsh realities of life and death.

 

“That sounds a very good idea, my son”, said Elessar’s father with pride. “You are a Borderlander, a fighter at heart, and we stand together against the Shadow. The Warders will make an excellent soldier out of you I am sure.”

 

Smiling, he added:”Always respect Tar Valon, son. Those soft fools in the south have forgotten the danger, but we remember, we in the Borderlands. We stand ready. Respect Aes Sedai and stand proudly against the Shadow!”

 

●

 

“My son”, said his mother with concern but also pride in her eyes, “you are grown enough to decide for yourself. But remember, sometimes one can push oneself too hard. Don’t do that, my son. Never forget who you are.”

 

Don’t destroy yourself, my son, she whispered softly to herself, believing wrongly that he had not heard, as she hugged him tight. Don’t let it all destroy you.

 

●

 

Confusion and darkness everywhere.

Past and present intertwined.

 

Mother!?

 

 

A scream in his soul makes a shiver run down his back.

 

 

Mother, I will save you!

 

I will save you!

 

 

The stench of death, the cries of those being slaughtered crashes into him.

 

Memories.

 

 

No, it is happening again!

 

I must stop them!

 

No, it is too late!

 

Never too late!

 

Never!

 

 

Hacking into the trollocs he is death reincarnated.

The blood flowing makes him grin evilly in satisfaction.

 

 

Justice.

 

Then silence.

 

Silence.

 

 

Leandreen, are you there?

 

My life before yours.

 

Before yours.

 

Always.

 

I promise.

 

●

 

 

Brushing tears of rage and loss from his face, Elessar broke camp in early morning and saddled Stormbreaker, his black stallion. His dark eyes now burned with almost feverish intensity as he stared northward into the Blight. He was a powerfully built man after many years of physical training and exertions in service to his Sedai, a dangerous warrior and swordfighter at any time and even more so now that he had no care for his own safety. He knew that his death lay at the end of this journey. His brown-green Warder’s cloak, which made him blend into the surroundings, was dirt-stained and bloody but he paid it no attention as his gaze was fixed on the horizon.

 

I will avenge her death.

I will avenge all their deaths.

 

Elessar of Kandor was on a mission of death and nothing would stop him.

 

Nothing!

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Elessar]

.. A Broken Bond: Part 3 - A Darkness of the Soul..

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Moans escaped his lips, as Elessar twisted on the bed, by the force of his intense dreams..

 

●

 

…Memories…

 

●

 

The darkness of the night matched the darkness of Elessar’s soul.

 

He had entered the Blight a few days before, that nightmarish land north of the Borderlands which was corrupted by the nearby influence of the Lord of the Grave, the Shepherd of the Night, the Dark One. It was a region where all the vegetation was toxic and home to insects that could cause a hideously painful demise. There were other dangers there too and any traveller had to tread carefully in this land to avoid a quick and sudden death.

 

Death was what Elessar sought, in fact as many deaths as possible.

His own would be among them.

But he could not die before he had his vengeance.

 

Though walking a thin line between sanity and madness, reason and rashness, he was not so lost in himself that he did not take some care of his movements. As the days and hours had lengthened his outward fury had subsided somewhat, changing from a frenzy of ideas and confusion and hate and grief into a single-minded fiery dark purpose of how he would inflict as much damage as he possibly could when he brought his wrath upon the Shadow. For his wrath was not gone, though it lay dormant inside him now, like an animal of prey. Waiting. For release.

 

●

 

They will pay. They will all pay.

And that will be the end of it.

 

At night, in that half-awake, half-sleep state Warders were so practiced at achieving, never losing total vigilance even when resting, his thoughts went often to his many years protecting his Sedai. Other times he thought of his years in Warder-training, and how hard he had worked to excel, to become the best. He had worked relentlessly toward that end.

 

But still I failed you, my Sedai, he thought with anger and bitterness as he clenched his fist, staring darkly into the night.

 

For that, forgive me. But I will avenge you!

 

The following day he saddled Stormbreaker early and set off toward the north at a gallop. His bottled up rage threathened to erupt as he raced across the desolate lands, Death’s Messenger. His eyes had become almost feverish again and he felt his tight reign on his sanity begin to slip. Not that far now, he thought to himself, trying to focus his anger. Soon now. The trail he had found a few days before had been clear and he thought it unlikely they kept lookouts. Why should they? Only madmen travelled these lands of death and none survived long. When he overtook them he would bring death to them all. His eyes intensified and his inner fire blazed.

 

To death!, a scream came from within his soul. To death and vengeance!

 

He was riding at a hard gallop, just topping a small rise and still half a mile behind his prey, his body almost trembling in anticipation! of what was to come, when abruptly a heavy shadow came at him from the side, brushing his horses’ flank, making him swerve in his path and forcing him to slow down. Only as Elessar swung his mount angrily around and, with death in his eyes, brought out his sword to strike, did he see that it was another mounted rider!

 

The rider hailed him but it took him a moment to register what was being said. He did not lower his blade but frowned with strong suspicion - and undisguised anger - at the woman, for it was a woman rider who faced him from across her own mount. And not just any woman rider, but an Aes Sedai. There was no doubt.

 

Her commanding words echoed in his turmoiled mind.

 

“Halt! Gaidin, halt!”

 

●

 

 

…Memories…

 

 

●

 

..Carrain Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah looked at her newly bonded Warder, feeling his pain. She had Bonded him forcefully to save him from throwing away his life in a futile death at the hand of the Shadow. She did not know if he would thank her for it, though. Perhaps he would have preferred death. Perhaps he would never truly heal from this deep wound of the soul.

 

She kept her thoughts to herself, however. "You share your Leandreen's loyalties, I see." She said.

 

His eyes met hers and his unbalanced gaze intensified as he said, with strong emotion, ”I hate the Shadow, always have, always will. So did Leandreen. Our lives were formed around fighting the Shadow at every step, every corner. And in the end, she died fighting the Shadow. Those trollocs and their human allies, Darkfriends!. I just wish I had killed them all.”

 

I should have saved you, Leandreen. My life before yours. Forgive me.

 

Later..

 

He stood together with Carrain Sedai watching Leandreen’s burning funeral pyre lighting up the darkness. She seemed so regal laying there, her emerald green eyes closed and her fiery red hair embracing her so familiar face, ready for the final journey. Soon she was enveloped in flames, in a blaze of light that defied the night.

 

Oh Leandreen, forgive me.

 

...Words whispered on the winds of time…

 

“You were a brave fighter, Leandreen”, he said, speaking words of strong emotion. ”As brave as they come. You fought the Shadow ‘till the end. Just as you always promised you would.” A short pause followed. Then he added, “Your courage shall not be forgotten, your sacrifice will be remembered. You will be remembered. Rest in peace, Leandreen Aes Sedai of the Battle Ajah. May the last embrace of the Mother welcome you home.”

 

Goodbye Leandreen.

 

●

 

With crashing abruptness Elessar was brought out of the deep sleep wherein he had been. He sat upraised in the bed, trembling slightly, sweat on his brow, his eyes wide, his mouth open, his hands holding hard onto the sides of the bed.

 

The Dream again..

..the painful Memories..

 

..the Madness.

 

He sometimes wondered if he would ever be rid of this eternal pain on his soul.

The eternal guilt.

The eternal sorrow.

 

Though his Bond to Carrain had given him new purpose, a new duty and something to live for again - and his sanity had, over time, stabilized - he had always struggled with the ability to forgive himself for what he saw as his failures. With Leandreen. With mother. Years and years had passed and he still struggled with this Darkness upon his Soul.

 

A Darkness that in his depressive moods he was quick to feed with new personal failures.. In some ways I failed them all, all my Bondholders.. Leandreen..Carrain..Carys..Kathleen.. nothing ever lasted.. service always broken..

 

Laying his head slowly back on his pillow then, he closed his eyes, forcefully pushing all the painful memories and negative thoughts away for the moment, and tried to stabilize his breathing. He lay there for a long, long time, gradually relaxing his body and mind, before sleep finally came, as he blissfully drifted off into a thankful dreamless slumber.

 

♠

 

He would not have admitted it to anyone had the topic ever come up, the matter was too personal and he did not want to burden others with his personal, persevering guilt and inner destructive pain. In truth though, Elessar of Kandor, unbonded veteran Warder of the White Tower, was a man in desperate need of Redemption.

 

 

"When all Seems Lost,

When your Soul Bleeds,

Embrace the Light of Redemption.”

 

Old Saldaean proverb, the Third Age

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Myrrhi closed the book she had been reading and sighed.

 

"I should go to see him," she told herself. "Yes, I should."

 

Brushing her hair away from her face, the young woman looked through the window of her small apartments. The night sky was black as pitch. She couldn't see the moon nor any stars. The weather had been rebellious lately. Some days had been warm as hell. Others had been so rainy that she had stayed inside from dawn till dusk.

 

Weeks had passed since she had set foot in the Warder's yard. She had not dared to leave the Tower proper, fearing that Elessar would know about what she was going through.

 

She had imagined that, after the Three Oaths, she would be like all other fully raised Aes Sedai, that she would allowed to travel and be sent on dangerous missions. Nothing was further from what had happened. Called "Initiate" by her fellow Green "Sister" she had been under the scrutiny of her elders, until they had finally decided to test her. She had performed as well as she had been able to and had, at last, been accept as an "Sister". Her words still meant nothing to though. She could wear a green fringed shawl on her shoulders but her age still made of her barely more than a child. 

 

"He will laugh at me," Myrrhi put her book on her nightstand and slowly advanced towards the foot of her bed. She let herself fall on it, then rolled on her back. Arms wide open, she spent some time looking at the ceiling.

 

"That dream..."

 

The young woman closed her eyes as she summoned her memories of the dream she had had the night before. So many things had happened in such a short period of time.

 

Dressed in her white Novice dress, she walked through the Warders Yard, thinking about her questions. She knew that Novices weren't supposed to bond Gaidins yet, but she wanted to know whether or not she was attractive enough to get Warders interested in her. She found a first Gaidin, asked him what he thought of her and the man laughed so hard that he dropped his sword in the dirt. She didn't have much more luck with the second Gaidin she met, that one sent her away to work on her chores. The third was even worse. He threw mud at her. Then, she saw the dark shape of Elessar coming over to her. He whispered gently in her ear that she should first focus on her studies before thinking about bonds.

 

Everything became blurry.

 

This time, Myrrhi had the rainbow hemmed dress of the Accepted. Elessar was right in front of her, attacked by mysterious assassins. She opened herself to Saidar to save him but it didn't work. A river of blood formed under her feet, it grew so large that it enveloped the Gaidin. She dived in the crimson fluid, looking for her friend but didn't manage to find him. She cried... as big hands pulled her back towards the surface.

 

Everything became blurry again.

 

Elessar was laying on the ground, blood flowing from his thigh in rapid pulses. His face was white as a snow. 

"Elessar," Myrrhi called. She ran towards him and took him by the shoulders. "Wake up!".

Scared, she wove the bonding threads, hoping it would save his life.

 

Myrrhi had woken up, wet from her sweat. She knew that it all meant something. The Gaidin was one of the few people she completely trusted. He had become a friend over the years and his opinion mattered to her so much that she had not wanted to tell him the truth about her position in the Green Ajah.

 

To have him as a Warder had sometimes crossed her mind but Elessar was also her senior. He was so experienced. He had bonded before ... and he had been her teacher. Could he see her as more than a child?

 

"I have to stop thinking about this, and I have to stop talking to myself. People will think I am crazy."

 

Again Myrrhi looked through the window. It was getting very late. The Tower corridors and the yards would probably be empty.

 

She hopped out of her bed and rushed to her wardrobe. She picked a heavy woolen cape. Tying it around her neck, she ran out of her apartments.

 

The way to the Yard was completely deserted. She only met  a couple of servants and a lonely Novice. None of them dared to look at her.

 

Focusing on her walk, she didn't want to look as if she was in a hurry, she rehearsed what she would to say to him. First, she would have to apologize for being away for so long. Then, she would probably have to inquire about his health, maybe about his latest mission as well?

 

Should she try to mention bonds? It think it will be too straightforward, she thought, fighting not to chew her lip. I have to show myself as a real Aes Sedai. It won't be easy, when I don't feel like one deep inside.

 

Nothing had changed for her since the raising. She was still the same in her head and in her heart. She had not found herself more mature, wiser, ... she still felt like the girl who had been so afraid to ride. The people she had met since then had not really helped her to feel better. The Aes Sedai were looking at her as if she was some kind of unnatural being. A creature that was not an Accepted anymore but not an Aes Sedai yet. Truth be told, she understood them in a way. Only a few women had sworn the oaths at thirty. She understood why they would want to be cautious around her.

 

But Myrrhi had studied hard to get where she was now. She had worked so much...

 

She stopped in her tracks. She had arrived to her destination. Some Warders were still training using the light of torches to see their opponents.

 

Let's find the man ... Myrrhi opened her cape wide enough for people to see her hands and the ring she was wearing.

[Elessar]

.. Ebou Dar: Lost in Memories and Dreams..

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OOC: The Aes Sedai and other Warders on the White Tower mission to Ebou Dar are NPC-characters.

 

IC: In a dark night sky, a pale silver moon shone over the Altaran capital Ebou Dar, crystal rays sweeping silently over the sapphire-blue waters of the Sea of Storms, as Elessar of Kandor was lost in Memories and Dreams..

 

●

 

.. Elessar Telcontar, Borderlander-bred Gaidin of the White Tower and Bondmate to Carys Aes Sedai, was one with his Blade, in this duel with the Shadow, as he flowed from one swordform into the next, in an endless graceful movement, Dancing Among Golden Leopards ..

 

There was a Clash of Swords, the sound of steel meeting steel, and sparks flew in the east wing room at the back of the Tarasin Palace in Ebou Dar, as the Warder’s blade met that of his Shadow opponent. From each corner of the partially lit square room a ferocious looking Altaran golden leopard statue stared intently at the two combatants, as if judging who was the most deserving. Elessar’s dark cloak flowed around him as he moved, as if touched by powerful ripples of wind. His sword was an extension of his arm and he almost floated from one step to the next, eyes intent on the Shadow figure before him, in a deadly Dance of the Blades.

 

Striking out in mid-stride, sword falling in an arc on his Darkfriend-opponent’s neck, the other man somehow deflected the blow and moved out of reach for a moment. Elessar found his balance, the move having carried him forwards at a slight angle, and stopped a few feet off to the side, his blade pointing downwards.

 

His hard focused eyes mirrored those of his opponent - and both men knew, without a word being said, that this was a fight to the death..

 

●

 

Elessar, with his avid interest in history, knew the history of Ebou Dar very well. The city, situated on the southern coast and by the River Eldar, was originally built in the years following the Breaking of the World as Barashta, the capital of Eharon, one of the Ten Nations. Barashta was subsequently destroyed during the southernmost thrust of the Shadowspawn armies during the Trolloc Wars. It was later rebuilt and expanded west of the river. The city became the capital city of Shiota during the Free Years, and was later captured by the false Dragon Guaire Amalasan during the War of the Second Dragon. Artur Hawkwing took it in turn a few years later. Ebou Dar survived the War of the Hundred Years, but the nation that came into existence around it, Altara, only came to regard Ebou Dar as its largest city and port, not its capital. As a result, the ruling lord or lady of Ebou Dar, although styling themselves "King" or "Queen," found that their writ did not extend far from the city walls.

 

Elessar had always found Ebou Dar to be a beautiful city, with its pale white buildings and plenty of canals. Transportation was easy on the passenger canal boats as well as on the broad streets and bridges. Large buildings and palaces were scattered throughout the city, the palaces richly decorated with tall spires or domes in the shapes of turnips or pears, emblazoned with bands of crimson, blue, and gold. The city was surrounded by a very thick white wall, which had three main gates - the Moldaine Gate, the Three Towers Gate, and the Dal Eira Gate - as well as several minor ones. Throughout the city, paved squares were very common, often containing a fountain bubbling water, a large statue, or both. Out of these squares, the Mol Hara square was by far the largest. At its center stood a statue of a woman with one arm raised as to point toward the sea. One entire side of the Mol Hara square was dominated by the gleaming white Tarasin Palace, home of the current ruler of Altara.

 

Gazing now at the Palace in the distance, emblazoned by the rays of the sun in an ocean-blue sky, Elessar thought momentarily back on his deadly duel in that very place..and the intense dream, the memories of that encounter, which he had re-lived once again in his sleep the previous night at the Ebou Dari inn, ‘The Golden Seagull’, where the whole Aes Sedai-party were stationed while in the city.

 

The dream.

 

And those other dreams.

The really painful ones.

 

The darkness..

 

His whole body tensed.. but then his attention shifted to the three shawled Aes Sedai whom he and two of his brother Gaidin were escorting on this White Tower mission to Altara, as they came out of a local store, faces serene, having talked to the shopkeeper. Elessar and the two other Warders - they were younger than him, one from Andor and the other from Tear, and not well known to him but the three got on fine as was most often the case with Brothers to Battle - followed the Sisters down the street, keeping a keen lookout for any danger even if none was expected, as they headed along one of the larger canals in the direction of their inn further west in the city.

 

●

 

Later that day, as afternoon slowly flowed into evening, Elessar sat in silent contemplation in an old wooden chair in the room he had been allocated in the inn - a small room at that but a single room that served him well on this visit. He put aside the book he head been reading - ‘Nobility & Storms: a story of Altara’ by the famous Ebou Dari author of old, Nevil Arnon - and folded his arms, sighing. A sudden noise from the next room shifted his attention. One of the other Warders shared that room, and probably the bed, of his Green Sedai - far from surprising, the Borderlander thought wryly, considering the not-so-discreet looks the two often gave each other in everyone’s presence - while the third Warder had a small single room across the corridor. The other Sisters had larger single rooms on each side. Staring hard at the walls for a while he wondered again at this mission of which he knew practically nothing. The Aes Sedai in charge had given few details and in truth he could not expect to be informed of everything; he would be told what was necessary to play his part and do his duty. Even so, it irritated him somewhat to not be in the know - he wanted to be able to prepare for any eventuality - as he usually was when accompanying Aes Sedai on missions.

 

But that was with my Bondholders, he reminded himself. That was different.

 

He sighed again and his mood darkened as it often did these days. His fists clenched and his body became tense.

 

My failed Bonds.

 

He had struggled with mood-swings for many years and had hidden his inner pain, his inner darkness from his Sedais, from his surroundings, as best he could. In the good periods he could brush off the negative thoughts, the everpresent guilt, ignore the darkness within him and carry on almost as if nothing was wrong; in the bad periods he struggled emotionally, his Soul Bleeding, and had to really pull himself together to function through the day. Recently those bad periods had come more and more often - and he did not know what to do about it.

 

Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his mind and body, using mental Warder-techniques, and slowly, ever so slowly, gradually, he succeeded.

 

He did, however, not sleep well that night.

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

"I am sorry, Aes Sedai. Elessar Gaidin is not here," the old Warder said. The man was a veteran. His leathery face had been cut several times, but only fools would think that it was because he was weak or clumsy in battle. Myrrhi had seen him training many times and knew for a fact that he was deadly. As if his age didn't matter to him, this Warder had the speed of a snake and the strength of a bull.

 

"Are you sure?" Myrrhi sighed. The old Warder had not taken half a second to think before answering her question. Maybe he knows Elessar very well? Maybe Elessar has told him or other Warders that I would come looking for him? Maybe he has told them what to answer me? This seemed all so strange to the young woman. Her heart was beating way too fast. Worse, even if she was putting her best efforts at keeping her Aes Sedai face, she felt her cheeks reddening.

 

Elessar had always been in the Warders Yard when she had been in need of him. There had been a couple of exceptions during the last few years, but each time, he had let her know where he was. Even if she had never asked for such a  thing, it had made her feel safe and comfortable. Somehow, it had meant to her that someone - he - was caring for her.

 

"I am certain, Aes Sedai." Arms crossed, the old Warder stood his ground. Something in the way he looked at her seemed to tell her that she was making him lose his time.

 

"Where is he then?" Myrrhi tried. She sniffed and raised her nose high. Yes, I know that you probably want to do something else than answering my questions, old man. So, please, hurry to give me the answers I need.

 

"He's on a mission. Outside of the Tower's walls."

 

"I think I had gathered that already, Gaidin." Myrrhi sighed. Frustration was almost choking her to tears. The Warder's few words wouldn't have touched her so much if things had been different in the Tower. She had believed that only the Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah would want to give her a hard time.

 

"You should ask to the Sisters, Aes Sedai. We, Warders, are not allowed to talk about Aes Sedai business. You understand?"

 

The young woman nodded and took her leave. She walked back to the Tower, her back straight. She didn't turn to check whether the old Warder had moved ; she felt him feet still planted in the ground, watching her go with his hawk-like eyes.

 

***

 

Myrrhi softly knocked on her Captain General's door. She felt ashamed of herself. One part of her wanted to storm in, to tell the Head of the Green Ajah that the way she was being treated was getting ridiculous. She was not a child anymore. She deserved the same respect than any other Aes Sedai enjoyed. Keeping information from her, now that she was supposed to be a fully raised Sister and not an "Initiate" anymore, hurt her as much as if she had been stabbed in the heart. Another part of her was protesting against her initiative. For fourteen years, she had learned to bow to her elders, to obey the women who outranked her. Discussing the Green Ajah missions was not something she was supposed to do.

 

"Please come in," said a voice behind the door.

 

***

Aes Sedai politics never ceased to surprise her. They were more intricate than the hardest Weaving.

 

"Please, come in." Myrrhi answered to the little Novice who had knocked at the door. The poor girl was red in the face and sweat ran down her cheeks. The trunk she was carrying was heavy even if it was empty at the moment.

 

"You can place it here," Myrrhi tried not to smile. She pointed at the middle of the room and thanked the Novice.

 

The last two days had been complete madness. First, her visit to the Captain General had been way better than expected. The woman seemed to have been waiting for Myrrhi. She had positively reacted to all of her questions, giving to the youngest Aes Sedai useful hints and clues about where Elessar was and how long he would be away from the Tower.

 

It turned up that the Gaidin's mission had brought him to the beautiful city of Ebou Dar. Myrrhi had never traveled there, but she had read many books about it. The warmth of the place, the buildings, the clothes, it all looked so exotic. She had always wanted to see it, live it, ... and that is how the idea of leaving to join him came to her.

 

Then, in less than half a day, she had managed to find a way to be actually sent be there.

 

Unfortunately, she couldn't travel to Altara with the Green Ajah. The Greens had already sent a Sister there, at Elessar's side. Sending another one would be a bad signal to the other Sisters involved. Instead, she would accompany Deana Sedai. The Brown Sister who had "found" her and accompanied her to the White Tower. The elder Aes Sedai had to travel to the Tarasin Palace to retrieve a book from its library and had been looking for another Aes Sedai to accompany her. Strangely enough, no Sister had shown any interest in this trip and Myrrhi had immediately been accepted as a traveling companion.

 

Could it all have been planned? Myrrhi brushed her hair away from her face. She went to her wardrobe to retrieve some shifts and lighter dresses. All of them were greens. She had not dared to pick any other color, scared that it would anger her Sisters. Another sign that she was still not feeling as part of the Battle Ajah.

 

Well, let's just think I am very lucky? I am leaving tonight and I couldn't have imagined a better traveling companion. I am sure that Deana will be friendly and that we will be able to discuss the books we have read lately... which I can't do with my current Green "Sisters".

 

 

Adding two daggers and another pair of boots in her trunk, Myrrhi tried not to think too much about the travel ahead. She was so excited to leave the Tower, and Tar Valon, that she wanted to giggle just like a young Novice who managed to channel for the first time.

 

This is a serious mission, she reminded herself.

 

 

 

[Elessar]

.. Another Dagger in the Heart ..

►▼◄

 

It was early afternoon and storm clouds were drifting across the horizon, cloaking the city of Ebou Dar in a dark and somber mood.

 

A local patriot had once said, somewhat grandiosely, “When the storm blankets beautiful Ebou Dar, it is as if a shadow has come upon us, in heart and soul; may it soon be vanquished so the sunshine and light may return to Ebou Dari hearts”. Elessar did not doubt it was a view shared by most Ebou Dari.

 

The Aes Sedai were meeting a local Nobleman in an opulent Manor House on the outskirts of the city and Elessar and his companion Warders were waiting in the outer hall. Decorated with marble floors, statues, art finery, and historical paintings of great value - Elessar recognized Beslan Valdere’s ‘Silver Rose’ and Eben Baradon’s ‘Ship of Fate’ on the walls - , the outer hall could easily have passed for an assembly room or Great Hall in a lesser mansion. One of the Gaidin stood by the entrance door, making sure no one uninvited gained entry, while Elessar and the other Warder stood like pillars each on either side of the hall. It took a long while for the meeting to conclude, not an unknown phenomenon when dealing with representatives of the White Tower, and when a good amount of time had passed..

 

..Elessar’s mind drifted.

 

He kept his vigilance, studying closely each and every person - servants mostly - who came through the hall to and from the assembly room..

 

.. but at the same time.. his thoughts returned to his last visit in Ebou Dar.

 

With Carys.

 

A lifetime ago.

 

He remembered everything.

 

The Dark and the Light.

 

●

 

Riding into Ebou Dar, through one of the city’s Gates, in the direction of the famous Mol Hara square, Carys had spoken to Elessar. “On the other side of the River Eldar lies the Rahad, the section of Ebou Dar where the less fortunate in life - the poor and others shunned by society - make their living”, she had said. “The streets in the Rahad are often narrow alleys, with buildings  - often painted white though with the paint dirty and flaking, or with large chunks of plaster having come loose to reveal the coarse brick below - standing as high as five or six stories above the ground.” She had added. “The streets are filled with the refuse of the inhabitants and the stench of decay fills the air. The Rahad is no doubt a very dangerous place. Not only are duels very frequent, many adversaries do not even bother with the formalities and simply stab their victims in the back..”

 

Some time later they had arrived at their destination, a white concrete building gleaming in the afternoon sunshine. Behind them, in the centre of the Mol Hara square, the famed statue of Queen Nariene, her expression peaceful, her light gray hand stretching out toward the sea, remained as a beacon of hope..

 

●

 

That time also he had had his doubts, his guilt, his wounded Soul. But his Bondholder had managed to cheer him up, and he recalled well the uplifting gleeman’s performance, one evening at their inn, of the satirical Ebou Dari song “A Dagger in my Heart”, a jolly little melody that always had been a crowd-pleaser around these parts.

 

He remembered how the visiting gleeman - a blond man wearing a typical cloak of colourful patches, fairly late in years with short hair and a gracious moustache, as well as glittering eyes that were filled with amusement - had brought a moment’s respite, with his songs and stories, to the tired and worn looking local people, as well as to this dark-haired, dark-eyed traveller of Borderland-origin from Tar Valon.

 

Elessar had heard the song before - and had known of the very peculiar Altaran custom, especially popular in Ebou Dar, whereopon a married or widowed woman wore a so-called Marriage Knife, or Dagger, hanging hilt-down from a choker around her neck. When a couple got married the man gave the woman the knife as part of the ceremony and then requested that she use it to kill him! should he ever displease her. Elessar had found the custom beyond understanding - some would say insane! - but it surely had made for some hilarious puns and some good satire.

 

With his exceptional memory for detail, Elessar remembered whispering to Carys,“You know, speaking of Daggers,” he had said, “I read somewhere about the complexities around these Altaran Marriage Knives. The knife tells any who care to look a great deal about the wearer. A white sheath means the woman is widowed and does not intend to remarry. A blue sheath means she will consider offers. Jewels or glass beads set into the knife represent children of the wearer, white stones for sons and red for daughters.” He had added. “And they love their duels down here. If a child dies in a duel he or she has died honourably they believe. However, many women remove their children’s stones, effectively disowning them, if they refuse a duel past the age of sixteen. Strange notions of honour they have, these Altarans..”

 

Soon all attention, also Elessar’ and Carys’,  had been directed at the gleeman on the stage and at his performance, as his voice had illuminated the Commons Room, expertly spinning his satirical tale of the “doomed” Ebou Dari husband, and his traditional Ebou Dari wife..

 

 

►▼◄

 

A Dagger in my Heart

 

A dagger for you, my Dear

Now that our wedding day is Here

If I displease you, stab me True

I’ll be dead, but I’ll still love You!

 

You fought for me well, as you Vowed

Your dueling scars make me Proud

There’s no other lady for Me

You’re everything I’d want to Be!

 

A duel is good for the Soul

Teach our children to fight, it’s their Role

And should they be weak, without Spine

Disown them, they’ll tarnish our Line!

 

Oh love, stick the dagger in my Heart

Your strength makes me proud for a Start

I am sure I’ll deserve this Rest

An Ebou Dari man at his Best!

 

►▲◄

 

  ▀▄ 

 

 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

The journey had taken its toll on Myrrhi's backside. She had not had the chance to ride since she had been raised. The Green Sisters who had been "guiding" her had judged it unnecessary, at least for the moment. They had insisted that she focused first on the Combat Weaves, and the Combat Weaves only... as if the young woman didn't know them yet...

 

She had learned of them as an Accepted and trained hard to execute them flawlessly. Of course, at the time, creating full sized weaves had been completely out of question for one so young. She had had to work on smallest versions. How could she have done otherwise, as she had been training in secret? But, she had been successful in mastering the most important parts and felt very proud of it. Her Greens Guides had not shared the same feeling, however. They had asked for more and more work, leaving the young woman with almost no free time for weeks.

 

Now, that Myrrhi thought back about it, it seemed to her that nothing would ever please them. They wanted her to feel like an ignorant child, even if she could wear the Green Shawl on her shoulders.

 

***

 

Deana Sedai had been kind enough to propose her healing - which the young Green had immediately accepted - but she still felt sore and stiff from her neck down. 

 

"It is weird, to be so far away from the White Tower," Myrrhi started, rearranging the skirts of her riding dress.

 

"I know exactly what you mean," the Brown Sister replied with a smile. "When I was a Novice, I couldn't stop thinking about traveling, discovering new landscapes,... But, when I was sent to my first mission as an Aes Sedai, I did all I could to stay within the Tower walls. There had been a new arrival of books and I wanted to put my hands on it before anyone else."

 

Myrrhi smiled back, hoping that her face was not showing any form of disappointment. Deana Sedai had always been nice to her but she definitely did not understand her. Deana was a real Brown. Studying was her life. She wanted to know everything about everything. Action scared her, even if she told the opposite when asked. The young woman felt reassured about her choice of Ajah. To be so far away from Tar Valon felt weird but in a good and motivating way. It energized her. Even if the Tower library was pretty charming, it was definitely not the place where she wanted to spend the rest of her life.

 

"I have heard that other Sisters are in Altara..." Myrrhi tried. She needed as much information as she could if she wanted to find Elessar. If her calculations were right, she would be able to meet him soon.

 

Unfortunately Deana was not a Blue. She didn't know much when it came to Tower missions. "It is more than probable, Myrrhi. The Tower sends Sisters everywhere."

 

"Of course," the young woman replied. She paused to breathe in. "Will we meet any of them?"

 

Deana's face grew darker. To many people, her face would have stayed the same. Emotionless. To ones trained in the Tower, the small tightening of her lips and the tiny movement of her brow were unmistakable.

 

The Brown Aes Sedai liked to be alone or surrounded by people she knew well. She would feel very uncomfortable at meeting anyone in Ebou Dar.

 

"I don't know. We will have to see..." Before Deana ended her sentence, her warder approached.  The man's eyes met Myrrhi's who understood that he and her companion needed some privacy.

 

Pulling back her horse, the young woman thought about what laid ahead of her.

 

She had started this journey because of a dream. A dream that had now come repeatedly to her. Will he take me for a mad woman? Leaving the Tower for this ...

 

It was known that some Aes Sedai could have Talents when it came to dreaming. Myrrhi doubted she had any. Talents were tales of luck and legend for her. It seemed to her that it was only the most heroic Sisters who had the chance to have so special powers. Furthermore, Myrrhi had never seen a real Talent in action. So for her, even if they were real, they still were something very distant.

 

Sighing, she regretted that she never had the chance to discuss it with Elessar, maybe he shared her opinion? It was hard to tell. If he did though, he would probably send her back to the Tower, laughing. He didn't look like the kind of man who would change his course of action because of something he dreamed about or because of something anyone else dreamed about.

 

But, this was not all... the young woman had other reasons not to feel comfortable at meeting the Gaidin.

 

Maybe he'll be mad at me. We have not seen each other for so long. I didn't even thanked him for the support he gave me about the raising...

 

Myrrhi had wanted to go to the Yard for months now. To talk to Elessar like she had done before. To thank him for the help he had given her. She hadn't done any of it, too ashamed of what was happening to her in the Tower.

 

Slowly, she started to think that this whole journey was a mistake. She would have told so to Deana if she had not seen the city of Ebou Dar raising in the distance. There was no turning back.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Chaelca

[Elessar]

.. Reflections on Daes Dae’mar & complicated Friendships ..

►▼◄

 

The Warder studied the Ebou Dari Nobleman closely.

 

A man of middle years, he had the dark hair, dark eyes and olive skin common to his people and wore a colourful long vest over a pale shirt with white sleeves. He had a decorative coat slung over the shoulder, held with a chain of silver strung between the lapels, a sign that he was a man of some wealth. Like so many Ebou Dari men and women, he adorned his hands with rings and he wore a curved duelling dagger at his waist. The knife would be removed once inside. As he walked past the Warder, Elessar thought there was a smug look on the Nobleman’s face.

 

Watching as the man was lead by an attendant into the Great Hall - where the talks in this mansion were taking place - the Gaidin wondered how many of these southern Noblemen played the Game of Houses. Most, he guessed. Some, probably, skilfully as well. What they probably often forgot, though, was that the Aes Sedai were, in their own way, Masters of Daes Dae’mar.

 

Encyclopedias he had read, described Daes Dae'mar as follows:

 

“A phrase in the Old Tongue which translates to The Great Game; however, more commonly known as The Game Of Houses. It refers to the political and social maneuvering employed by the nobility of various nations to gain status or wealth, or to cause the downfall of others they dislike. The Game of Houses is, traditionally, played the most heavily in Cairhien, where the most seemingly irrelevant act can cause lords and ladies to speculate endlessly about one's motives; even servants of the Cairhienin nobility play their own version of Daes Dae'mar. Conversely, it is rarely seen in the Borderlands, as Borderlanders are more concerned with Shadowspawn and the Blight than individual power, status or wealth. It has been stated that the best way to put players of the Great Game off balance, is to be honest, since no-one expects you to be..”

 

It made him think of Old Celter in Caemlyn, that charming old man, when he had explained to Elessar and Carys about the Royal Succession in Andor and the ‘battle’ between the Andoran Houses for Power. He could almost hear the old man’s voice whisper on the wind..

 

●

 

..“Now then”, Old Celter had said, coughing slightly, “what happens when there is no surviving daughter to take the Lion Throne? Ah well, that is when we often get.. the disturbances.. ah what you foreigners often call.. Andoran Wars of Succession.” He added the last part with slight disdain, refusing - as did all Andorans - to acknowledge that their system for selecting an heir could possibly lead to war.

 

He chuckled and a broad grin came upon his face. “Ah yes, the Great Houses - there are nineteen of them, you know - come into the playing field”, said the old man, his finger softly brushing the parchment that he held, “out they come to.. play.” His eyes seemed to go far away for a moment, as if in old rememberance. Then they fixed back on the two attentive listeners and his eyes widened, almost as if shocked that they were there with him. Soon though his face relaxed and he seemed to recall why they were there. He pushed his glasses back up from his nose and ran a hand through his hair. Then he spoke. “Where was I? Oh yes, the Succession.” He handed the parchment to Carys who opened it reverently - Elessar leaning over to have a look - and saw that it was a list of all the Great Noble Houses of Andor, resplendent with House-sigils and honours.

 

The old Andoran chuckled a little to himself again before he went on. “Yes, when there is no Daughter-Heir, the throne is given to the nearest female blood relative. But succession is based not only on close relation to the former Queen, you see, but also on the degree of blood in a line of female descent from Ishara, our first Queen. As you can surmise, this makes things very intricate.. and interesting.” He seemed to be enjoying himself now, like an old tutor lecturing in front of his favourite students. “Ah yes, matters of lineage have become quite complex, since all the Great Houses are related after years of intermarriage. There have been political reasons for this practice, of course, sons and daughters marrying for the benefit of the House.. Families craving power and influence.. always power and influence..” Again he seemed to drift away, lost in thoughts.. but he caught himself and fixed his gaze on them once more. “And so the question of succession”, he said, “has led to intrigue, plotting and often bloodshed” - he sighed - “when the Houses do not agree.” Another chuckle escaped the old man’s lips and his right hand clenched. “Ah, they are like children.. who act before they think.. who want it all, never mind the consequences.. but so it has always been.. always..”

 

●

 

They left the mansion some time later, another meeting between the Aes Sedai and local Nobility completed. The three Warders surrounded the Sisters as they headed back through the city streets to the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn. Elessar walked in front, his eyes sweeping over the streets and roof-tops in the subtle way of experienced Warders, taking note of every detail and every potential sign of danger without seeming to. The streets were busy with locals and foreigners intermingled, with shopkeepers and vendors selling their wares and with horse-driven carriages hurrying by. People moved politely to the side when Elessar and the other Gaidin came walking with the Aes Sedai in their midst, and as always the looks the Sisters received were mixed; some looked at them with awe and respect as they passed by, others with curiosity or a neutral look, and then again some with less enthusiasm though they were careful not to appear too hostile in the sight of the stone-faced Warders.

 

They walked along one of the canals as a boat carrying cargo passed by on the floating waters and then crossed one of Ebou Dar’s many canal-bridges, setting their feet on the cobblestone street on the other side. A partially clouded sky and southern wind, remnants from the passing storm, made it a little chillier than usual and it was obvious from comments overheard that the locals looked forward to the sunnier and warmer weather which Ebou Dar was better known for. Elessar, however, found the cooling wind pleasant as he walked steadily at the head of their party toward their inn. Soon after, they had it in their sights and headed swiftly inside. The Aes Sedai in charge spoke a few words to the innkeeper, who bobbed his head many times and once again said how honoured he was to have Aes Sedai staying at his humble place, and then they all retired to their rooms.

 

●

 

That evening, after a pleasant meal with the others in the Common Room, he sat down in the inn’s private library, if it could be called that, with a book in his lap. It was a quiet and secluded part of the inn with some chairs, tables and six or seven dozen books of different origin on several shelves. He shared the room with one other guest that evening, an Illianer by the look of him, but his thoughts were on darker matters. On his personal failures. On his persevering guilt.

 

Again.

 

Sighing, he tried to push his inner demons away but was unable to. Raising his eyes from the book to the small window on the wall of the private library he stared out into the darkness, feeling that the blackness out there mirrored the blackness within him. What am I going to do!? I can’t go on like this. He tried to enter the Flame and the Void, that calm state many Warders reached to become balanced in body and spirit, and after several attempts he succeeded. It made him feel calmer and more in control of himself, but he knew this was only a temporary solution. He would need to find his equilibrium again, find the Light inside him, regain his inner Balance. There was no other way. He knew that. But he did not know how to achieve this.

 

His eyes shifted to the book again, in part to focus on something else for a while, and he opened a chapter that described a battle in a southern war decades before. He read with interest, but then after a while he stopped. Something had made him think of Myrrhi.

 

Now, Myrrhi Aes Sedai.

 

●

 

In truth, she was a complicated subject for him as well.

 

They had developed a close friendship over time, beginning with her visits as a Tower initiate to the Warder’s Yard as part of her training, the ‘incident’ in the Tar Valon streets and, not least, the elaborate horse-riding lessons he had given her a few years back and the dramatic, oh-so-secret, near-death experience she had had then. He had subsequently helped her with physical training exercises and had given her different kinds of advice when needed. He had from the beginning seen something of a young Leandreen in her, which had appealed to him, a passionate young woman with a warrior’s heart, and had appreciated her friendship and their many pleasant talks. He had, furthermore, enjoyed (the) giving (of) his extensive knowledge and experience,  even if at the same time he had been a bit apprehensive, a bit concerned, with regards to how young she was, how much older and experienced he was, and how others - her included - might view this special friendship.

 

He had not wanted to do anything that may be viewed as inappropriate, that might be misunderstood, by others in the Tower, and perhaps, indirectly, cause her some problems, and as a result he had withdrawn from her a little for some periods over the past few years, trying to keep some distance between them periodically without seeming unfriendly. Myrrhi had doubtlessly been very busy with her training and her hard work - and focus - to achieve her ultimate goal, to become an Aes Sedai, and had not said anything to him about his periodic abscences, but he feared that his somewhat ‘wavering’ behaviour might have confused her, perhaps even disappointed her a little. But I did not know what else to do. He thought. She would probably not understand if I tried to explain.

 

He had not seen her since she was raised, he had presumed she was busy with her ‘new life’ as a full Sister, but in the last months before she took the test for the shawl, in the few times they had met, she had looked at him.. questioningly at times. He did not know how else to describe it. As if she wanted to ask him something important.. but was not sure how. In a way he could not explain, that questioning look had made him uneasy.. It was as if he almost knew.. or should know.. what she was going to say. Or ask. His body tensed again as he reminisced and he closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly.. He was still enveloped by the Flame and the Void but felt his inner calm gradually weakening.. it was a sure sign of his inner turmoil.. Focusing hard, concentrating on his inner self, he closed the book he had been reading and put it back on the shelf above him, nodded politely to his silent Illianer library-partner as he walked past, and quickly headed up to his room on the second floor to rest, mind and body.

 

That night, in an uneasy sleep, he dreamt of a pair of distinctive blue eyes..

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

As soon as Myrrhi entered the city, she felt her body tense.

 

The memory of that attack, in Tar Valon years ago, flashed through her mind. This was not the same place, it was full day now and the assassins were long gone but she couldn't help but remember that very strange night. To be prepared, always, had now become her motto.

 

Focusing on whatever may happen was a real trial for the young woman, though. So many things seemed to battle to get her full attention. The architecture, the clothes the Ebou Dari were wearing, the wares that the merchants were trying to sell, it was all so new to her. She would have it even harder would Deana Sedai and her Warder not be at her side. People recognized in them an Aes Sedai and her Warder. Without hesitation, they parted to make room for them so they could advance unhindered. 

 

"Should we go straight away to the Tarasin Palace or should we look for an inn?" Myrrhi asked her companions. The little group had finally stopped in front of a store. Unsurprisingly, it was Deana who had been the one signalling to the two others that it was time to make a break. As she was the Senior Sister, she was the one in charge. It won't last forever, thought Myrrhi without bitterness. I am stronger than her in the One Power. The young woman was beginning to understand how the Aes Sedai were "ranking" each other. Age, strength, time spent as a Novice and as an Accepted, it all had importance.

 

The Brown Sister had chosen well the place to stop. The building in front of which they stood was small and nicely decorated even if it had only one story. Without a doubt, it belonged to a merchant specialized in expensive parchments and quills. Items that were very dear to her. Myrrhi hold back a smile and waited for the other Sister to finish browsing the wares that were exhibited in front of the store.

 

"Oh, Myrrhi! I completely forgot to tell you. We will be housed in the Palace, of course." Deana Sister made a small smile. "I don't want us to lose time looking for a suitable place to rest."

 

Myrrhi nodded. "I understand," she said disappointed. According to her "sources", Elessar and his party were at the "Golden Seagull". She had hoped to orient Deana towards that inn, which was now close to impossible. No place would rival with the Tarasin Palace.

 

Taking a blue and brown quill in her hand, Deana cleared her throat. She met Myrrhi's gaze and opened her mouth as if to say something. Then closed it. She took a couple of seconds to think and then repeated the program that Myrrhi had already heard many times. They would stay no more than three days in the city. Deana would retrieve the book she needed and arrange to have copies made of four others. It was really important to her to oversee (at least) the beginning of the work because she had to be sure that the copies were of the best quality and made without any single mistake.

 

"But," she went on. "You don't have to stay during the whole process. I am sure you'd be interested in visiting the city, since this is your first trip to Ebou Dar. We will go together to the Palace, we will refresh ourselves and each of us will do what she must."

 

Myrrhi blushed to those words - it had been hard not to - and nodded.

 

***

 

The Tarasin Palace was one of the most wonderful building Myrrhi had ever seen. It looked so exotic to her. Gleaming white and four stories high, it was pierced by huge arched doors covered with gold. Myrrhi had not noticed them immediately but many screened balconies made of white-painted iron hanged from its facade. She hoped that the room she would be given would look towards the Mol Hara Square, so that she could look at the city people during her free time. They looked amazing to her with their darker skin, dark hair, daggers and colored petticoats. She wondered whether or not she should order an Ebou Dari dress before leaving...

 

***

The room that was given to Myrrhi was as beautiful and colorful as the other parts of the Palace. Was it coincidence or not, but its walls were green, the same shade of green that the one of the first shawl she had received. She decided to look at is as a favorable sign. Maybe this whole enterprise is not doomed, after all ? She thought, trying to cheer up herself.

 

The ceiling was light orange and small niches in the walls contained matching vase and potteries. It was all so different from her quarters in the White Tower. Maybe I should bring back a little souvenir? She laughed at the idea.

 

Water was brought so that she would clean herself from the dirt of the road that was still sticking to her forearms, face and legs. When she was happy with the overall color of her skin - she was now looking  way whiter than a couple of minutes ago - she picked a new shift and a new dress.

 

The dress was of Andoran cut with an embroidered bodice and a neckline a bit deeper than customary. It was of a very strong green, just like the leaves of an apple tree.  Once dressed, she braided her hair as tightly as she could. hoping no strands of hair would get loose at an unfortunate moment.

 

Before leaving her room, she added a couple of drops of perfume in her neck. She found the lilac and gooseberry scent reassuring.

 

Here we go, she thought. I don't think I can look better than this. If Elessar wants to laugh at me, ... well, it won't be because of the way I look....

 

 

[Elessar]

.. Recollections and Meetings ..

►▼◄

 

Staring into the far distance, the horizon sapphire-blue in hue, southern winds blowing strongly across the Sea of Storms, Elessar of Kandor thought of Myrrhi.

 

He remembered very well their first meeting, years before. She had approached him one day in the Warder’s Yard, a shy and uncertain young woman wearing a white dress with seven bands of colour - one each for the seven Ajahs - at hem and cuffs, an Accepted of the White Tower.

 

●

 

"Excuse me, Gaidin, Sir, ... " She had begun. "I am Myrrhi Morrigen. I am an Accepted... as you can obviously see". He thought he had seen a tentative smile on her face. "I h-have some questions for you... " She had continued. "It is for my studies... you understand? Well those are not questions for you specifically... those are questions to be asked to a warder... "

 

She had seemed to him somewhat flustered, but that had not been that surprising, considering. He had been an imposing, older Warder-figure with a somewhat hard facial expression. She had probably not spoken to many Warders before, he had surmised, and she had wanted to make sure he understood that she was serious, that she had a real inquiry that she needed his help with.. Looking closely at her, he had estimated that she was from Andor. He had recognized her complexion, her hair and eye-colour, all which spoke of Andor. From his many years of travel with his Bondholders he had learned first hand about different cultures, traditions, customs and people and gained useful knowledge which helped to differentiate between them.  A small smile had come upon his lips, for several reasons, but it had been almost undetectable. He had given her a respectful Warder’s bow. “I am Elessar”. He had said somewhat formally as was his way. “Pleased to meet you, Accepted Myrrhi Morrigen“.

 

His eyes had softened slightly, in a kind way, though no one would have called his gaze soft, as he had added: “Questions, you say?“ A slight pause. “I cannot guarrantee that I can give you satisfactory answers.”  His eyes had met hers squarely then. “But I will answer what I can.“

 

●

 

His thoughts of her were always ambivalent these days. Uneasiness combined with pleasant memories of friendship. Apprehension combined with contentedness.

 

The Dark and the Light.

 

No surprises there. That is my life at the moment.

 

Shaking his head slightly, sighing without volition, he shifted his gaze to the city behind him. Palaces and other prestigious buildings in the distance, green park-areas amidst canals closer by. The Aes Sedai stood a short distance away, by a resplendent fountain of a sculpted dolphin, conversing with two middle-aged women wearing foreign robes while the two other Warders in their party waited close by, keeping a keen lookout. Elessar walked up to them and took up a position closer to the women. There were not many people about and those few who passed them by did so quickly and with their heads bowed. The place they stood was near the seafront and the winds from the ocean swept across the trees and bushes that had been planted there, on their way inland. Elessar tasted the salt in the air, let the sound of crashing waves rush over him, and pushed his negative thoughts aside. He focused on the job at hand: keeping the Aes Sedai safe and secure.

 

A little later the robed women bid their goodbyes and walked off while the Sisters nodded to the Gaidin, indicating that this informal meeting was over and to lead the way back to the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn. Elessar took the lead, as he had done on all the walks in the city, and the others followed close behind, another Warder taking up the rear. It was a longer walk this time, and they crossed several canal-bridges along the way, but finally they arrived back at the inn. They passed beneath the old sign outside of a golden seagull in flight and entered the, by now, very familiar establishment. The innkeeper spotted them immediately and rushed forward to inquire if there was anything more he could assist with. The Aes Sedai in charge spoke with him for a short while and then they all retired to their own rooms. Elessar remained there only for a short while, though, as he resolutely picked up his sword and went downstairs and into the back yard where, after taking off his shirt and readying himself, he had a solid practice session, going through the sword forms. No matter your skill level, it was important to practice regularly, to keep the edge, and he had been lax, careless, in this regard since his arrival in Ebou Dar; it was something he now intended to remedy. He trained for a long time before finally sheathing his blade, sweat pouring off him in tiny rivulets, and then collected his things and went upstairs to have a bath before joining the others downstairs in the Common Room for supper.

 

●

 

The following day dawned bright and sunny and Elessar was already up and about, going through the sword forms in the back yard of the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn. It was a training session he had used many times before.

 

Unfolding the Fan, the smooth opening move, which flowed into Low Wind Rising, a diagonal slash which began low and rose cleanly, followed by The Boar Rushes Down the Mountain, a vertical slash starting high and which in this case altered course in midswing, paired with Tower of Morning, a verticle slash but this time beginning low and ending high. Combining forms in both traditional but also often innovative ways, using all his experience and skill,  he flowed in the movements of his dance of the blade, almost as if he were outside of time and space. Finally he came to a standstill and sheathed his sword in one smooth motion, Folding the Fan.

 

Breathing heavily, nodding to himself, pleased with the workout, he brushed off some of his sweat with a towel and looked about him. One of the stableboys gazed at him somewhat wide-eyed as he passed by, obviously impressed by what he had glimpsed of the Warder’s proficient motions, and then a kitchenboy ran past him on his way on some errand for the innkeeper. Apart from these two and the Warder himself the yard was quiet which suited the Gaidin well. It felt good to work out, he thought with some satisfaction, and the physical training also helped cheer him up a little, the adrenalin rush taking him, momentarily at least, out of his inner gloom. Collecting all his equipment he returned to his room on the second floor of the inn, had a quick shower and then joined the rest of the White Tower party for breakfast.

 

As they ate, the Sister in charge of this mission explained that proceedings were going very well and that in another couple of days they would be completed and the party would return to Tar Valon. This day they had a meeting planned for late afternoon, but until then the Warders - except for the Green Sister’s Gaidin who would stay behind, ample protection as the Aes Sedai were staying at the inn - were free to see the city. Elessar wanted to stay behind as well, just in case, but the Sister insisted that it was not necessary, having probably also seen Elessar’s growing restlessness and believing it would be good for him to have some time outside on his own. Grudgingly he agreed, and after they had eaten he and the second Gaidin left the inn to get some fresh air. They walked together along one of the many canals, making small talk, but as they reached one of the main streets they parted as each had an errand to do. Alone, Elessar continued down the street and crossed to the next one where he stopped in front of a merchant’s shop. Walking inside he quickly made a purchase and then left the shop behind. Stopping at a street corner, he turned and gazed down the adjacent street. Since it was fairly early in the day, the street was not yet filled with people and vendors and carriages and sights and sounds and smells as it would be in a few hours’ time, but it was starting to come to life. A small smile came upon his lips, a marked contrast to his otherwise hard face. A little light came through a crack in the dark wall of his being.

 

●

 

Several hours later, in early afternoon, Elessar stood outside the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn. The wind had picked up during the day, but otherwise it was a glorious sunny day in beautiful Ebou Dar. He stared down the street as a carriage pulled by four black horses approached and soon rushed by, carrying some local Nobleman no doubt, and then at two arguing Altarans, young men by the look of them, walking by in heated discussion. It was a couple of hours before that day’s meeting would take place - at a Manor House further east in Ebou Dar or so he had been told - so the Borderlander Warder still had some time to kill.

 

He considered going up to his room and to read a little, but then suddenly something caught his eye. Down the street, coming toward him, among a small crowd of people, he saw a woman striding purposefully in his direction. She was still some distance away, but the female figure - a young blond-haired woman wearing a stylish Green dress - looked distinctly familiar. He looked closer, sure that he had to be mistaken! But as the woman neared, there was no longer any doubt.

 

It was Myrrhi!

 

Myrrhi Aes Sedai.

 

Here in Ebou Dar.

 

 

And from her purposeful strides, she had seen him - and was coming for him.

 

 

His eyes lit up.. but at the same time, there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 

He tensed, and stood rooted to the spot.

 

Waiting.

 

●

 

High above Ebou Dar, a large black bird of prey floated on the strong southern winds, and as it passed the dazzling Tarasin Palace and headed further into the city, on a south-eastern course that would eventually bring it to the Rhannon Hills, the predator cried out a challenge to one and all - a dark omen, thought some of those watching..

 

  ▀▄ 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

This is definitely a bad idea, Myrrhi thought for the fifth time since she had left the Palace.

 

It seemed to her that every single passer-by was looking at her. She was a woman, alone, in a very beautiful and expensive dress. With her hair color and complexion, no one could have been mistaken on her origins. Depending on the person looking at her, she could have been taken for the spoiler daughter of a rich merchant or a noble from Andor, the kind of young women who would be a very interesting target to a thief.

 

Thanks to her training with the One Power, her face was still as smooth as if she was still in her early twenties. It was very frustrating for her. People would recognize her as an Aes Sedai only thanks to the Serpent ring she was wearing. And who would see it before it was too late?

 

Without Deana and her Warder to open the way for her, she didn't have the same room around her to be completely free of movement. In some places, she had to push her way through small crowds. One had assembled itself in a few seconds in front of a small wine store that had just opened its doors. Another had appeared like out of nowhere around two dueling men. A third one had already formed itself way before Myrrhi arrived, apparently caused by a four-sided fight.

 

I will never managed to reach the Golden Seagul! the young woman protested, feeling very uncomfortable.

 

She took the time to breathe and to think. There were two possible courses of action opened to her. She could walk slowly, tracking the dangers around her. Taking one step at a time, she would show to anyone who would want to attack her that she was on her guards. She had done so this far and it had seemed to her that she was advancing no faster than a snail.

 

But, she could also move faster, head up high and showing enough confidence to make potential brigands see that she had nothing to fear. She could play with her elbows to force people to move out of her way...

 

Not knowing when she would eventually meet Elessar she decided to follow the second path. She wanted him to see in her a true Aes Sedai, not the cowering Novice she had been before.

 

Hardening her face she went forward, the skirts of her dress kicking around her legs.

 

***

 

The day was beautiful, a bit less warm than the day before. Myrrhi had noticed that the people in the street were more active, more joyful. She had also noticed that the small breeze that had been tickling her nose in the morning had turned into a fine and refreshing wind. Myrrhi didn't really need it though. Soon after her raising she had been taught how to ignore the warmth and the cold.

 

After a while, she recognized the place that had been described by the Palace servants to her. The Golden Seagull was supposed to be on the other side of it.

 

Will he be in the inn? Or still out on mission?

What am I supposed to him?

 

Myrrhi felt butterflies in her stomach. She had not prepared herself for the meeting itself. She had thought about what she wanted to wear, about how she wanted to look but not about what she had to say. In the White Tower, it had been to early to prepare a speech. Then, on the road, Deana had not let her concentrate well enough... In the Palace, she had been too excited to get out... 

 

And now, it was too late.

 

Elessar Gaidin ...

 

Here he was. His dark hair, the shape of his shoulders, the way he carried himself had been unmistakable in the distance.

 

He can't see how I am feeling inside, Myrrhi sighed. He can't see that I am about to panic... Dovie'andi se tovya sagain... The quote resonated in her mind. She had read it in books and it seemed quite appropriate to her at the moment.

 

***

 

He had seen her, she was sure of it. His eyes had met hers, then had seemed to lit up for the fraction of a second.

 

Myrrhi would have taken it as a good sign if she hadn't see his body tense.

 

Keeping her fast pace, it didn't take long to join him.

 

"Elessar", she said, then hesitated.

 

"I...it's good to see you", she tried.

 

[Elessar]

.. In the Midst of an Awkward Moment ..

►▼◄

 

Elessar watched the young woman approach, his stomach in knots.

 

She stopped right before him.

 

"Elessar", she said, then hesitated.

"I...it's good to see you", she tried.

 

He stared at the so familiar face, at her braided blond hair, at her sparkling blue eyes. Her stylish Green dress - which had an embroidered bodice - was of an expensive make, he could now see close up, and it suited her well, he thought. A whiff of her perfume permeated the air and it made him think of soft woodlands. His gaze was drawn to her Great Serpent Ring. Though she had worn it for many years as an Accepted, it seemed somehow to fit her even better now as an Aes Sedai; an object of greater significance, in many ways. Looking at her, she seemed more Aes Sedai-like in truth, almost regal in her posture, more self-confident and assured to his eyes, though he also recognized some signs of nervousness in her, a slight hesitation.

 

This was the first time he had seen her since she was raised to the Shawl.

 

She was now a full Battle Ajah Sister.

 

Like Leandreen.

And Kathleen.

 

It made him think of the often misunderstood notion that Green Sisters had a ‘passion for death’, since they seemed so eager to go into battle for the Light. It was the complete opposite, in fact: it was their ‘passion for life’ that drove them, as Leandreen had told him and, more importantly, shown him on many an occasion.

 

A passion for life.

 

●

 

Trying to ignore the uneasiness he felt inside, the mixed, complicated feelings that made him so confused, he gave her a formal Warder’s bow.

 

“Myrrhi Aes Sedai”, he said in reply, emhasizing her title.

 

His dark eyes met her blue squarely. “It’s good to see you too.” He tried to calm his tense body but he did not think he succeeded very well. But what are you doing here, in Ebou Dar? He wanted to ask. But he realized he did not know if he wanted to hear the answer. He had his suspicions.. but he was not ready to voice them.

 

Instead he said, more neutrally, “And here in beautiful Ebou Dar.” He added. “Have you been to the city before?”

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

« It is the first time I come here, » answered Myrrhi smiling. Immediately, quotes and historical facts about Altara’s jewel came to her mind. She had missed talking with the Warder. Their shared love for history had led them to many conversations, sometimes later at night, sometimes while the young woman was training her physical resistance and strength, …

 

Tentatively, she commented on the past of Mol Hara square. Elessar took the bait and commented further on the Tarasin Palace. Their laugh resonated in the small place at the feel of the Golden Seagul. The young woman would have added some stories of her own if a little voice inside her head would have not told her that she was delaying the inevitable. You know you will have to tell him… Why playing ? It told her.

 

She breathed in and looked deep into Elessar’s eyes.

 

Somehow, he seemed to be annoyed by her pause, as if he had wanted her to go forward with their idle chat. She wouldn’t have minded either. History could be such a comfortable hiding place.

 

Before talking further, she looked around. So many people were surrounding them. Even if they all seemed to be busy with their daily life, she was scared that any of them would hear what she had to say. Having Elessar laughing at her was one thing. Having the whole city against her was completely different. 

 

« Are you having a break in your duties ? » she asked at last. « Is there a place where we can talk ? »

[Elessar]

.. The Calm before the Storm ..

►▼◄

 

Myrrhi replied, smiling, that it was her first visit to Ebou Dar.

 

Seeing her smile, hearing her voice made him realize how much he had missed their talks. Looking into her sparkling blue eyes, listening to her speak, as they started sharing their passion for history and historic buildings and sites in Ebou Dar - the Mol Hara square and the Tarasin Palace among others - he buried momentarily his misgivings and inner unease and shared in her laughter.

 

They had shared their love for history in many of their conversations over the years, Elessar often had given renditions of his favourite poems - often historic or mythological in nature - while Myrrhi had spoken of the parts of history and legends that she particularly enjoyed. At these moments the Warder had indeed felt that he was in the presence of  kindred soul.

 

●

 

A moment of quiet came then. He saw her breathe in and look deep into his eyes, as if she were on the verge of saying something.. different. Something more serious. At least that was the feeling Elessar got - and he felt his good mood evaporate. The idle chat had been.. safe. And pleasant.  He feared now what she was going to say.. Something must have shown on his face because she looked at him somewhat.. quizically for a moment.. then she turned to face the other way, looking around at the many people walking by. Though not the busiest street in the city, it was busy enough and teeming with life. Another carriage pulled by four black horses rushed by, raising dust in the street, while a large party of foreign-looking men walked down the pavement on the other side of the street, in loud conversation, gesticulating wildly.

 

Turning back to face him at last, she asked if he was having a break in his duties and if there was a place where they could talk?

 

He tensed at her words, trying to hide his inner apprehension. He was not sure how successful he was. He considered his options. Part of him was tempted to flee, to make up some excuse or other and just get away while he could, while another part was disgusted at his cowardice in the face of this friendly young woman. He owed it to her to listen to what she had to say.. no matter what the subject matter.

 

Breathing in deeply, he replied, “I am on a break, yes”. He heard himself speak almost as if from a distance. “We can go to the small library inside”, he said pointing toward the inn. “It should be empty at this time of day. There we can speak in private.” He followed her inside, his stomach in knots, as they walked past the Common Room and to the secluded library. There he closed the door and bade her sit in one of the chairs. He sat down in the opposite chair, avoiding her eyes, as he looked across the room at the window where rays of golden sunshine glinted in the glass. He was silent for a long time and Myrrhi kept silent as well, as if the situation deserved a moment of contemplation.

 

●

 

Finally, Elessar looked into her blue eyes and nodded silently.

 

Don’t.. He thought, his muscles clenching. Please, don’t ask..

 

He did not think he was wrong. Why else would she be here, wanting to talk with him? She was not here for idle chat, that was for certain. It could only be..

 

Attempting a small smile, he said as neutrally as he could, “You wanted to talk with me about something.”

 

He waited bravely for what he feared was coming.

 

It was, for him, the Calm before the Storm.

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Elessar didn't reply to Myrrhi's question the way she expected it.

 

He had taken a deep breath before answering her that he was, indeed, on a break. The words that left his mouth seemed colder than usual.

 

"We can go to the small library inside," he added. "It should be empty at this time of day. There we can speak in private." With a gesture of his hand, the Gaidin indicated to the young woman that she could take the lead. It felt strange to her. It was only on rare occasions that she was allowed to be the first one to enter a room. As a Novice or as an Accepted, she had often found herself following a teacher, an Aes Sedai or girls that were her Senior. 

 

She nodded to her companion and made a couple of steps towards the door, hoping he would not see the cold sweat running down her back.

 

***

 

The Golden Seagull was a very pleasant inn. It was not as richly decorated as the Tarasin Palace but its wall and ceiling colors had obviously been chosen to be in perfect harmony with its elegant furniture.

 

Its library was small but well organized. The bookshelves had been placed sufficiently apart from each other so that the room would not be too cramped. The visitors had a wide choice of chairs at their disposals, each looking more comfortable than the other. Myrrhi hesitated for a second not knowing where they should go. Should we sit next to each other ? Or facing each other ? 

 

She turned her head as she heard the Gaidin close the door. She was going to ask Elessar his preference, when she saw him advancing further into the room. He stopped in front of a set of two matching chairs, near one of the windows, then invited her to sit down.

 

"Thank you, Elessar," she answered, joining him. She needed air and the spot seemed perfect to her.

 

***

 

Myrrhi looked at Elessar. He was sitting in the chair opposite hers but his mind seemed to be some place else. He was looking across the room towards a far away window. She waited a bit, leaving him the time to think and leaving herself the opportunity to organize her thoughts.

 

After a while, the Warder turned his head towards her, he nodded and she smiled in return.

 

"You wanted to talk with me about something."

 

It was not a question. It was a neutral affirmation.

 

"I did," Myrrhi replied.

 

It was her turn to look through a window. She picked the one right next to her, trying to find strength in the exotic view it offered.

 

"First, I wanted to apologize for not seeking to meet you. I can't tell you much about it... at least for now... but being ...raised ... was more demanding than I thought." Talking about her raising to someone who was not an Aes Sedai was something she had not done before. It had been a very intimate experience and, of course, she was not allowed to divulge most of its details. "Time passed by, and I ... " She bit her lip. "I didn't manage to come to the Yard."

 

The Gaidin told her that he understood and that he forgave her.

 

His face was of stone, though, and his piercing eyes - still set on hers - seemed to plead for her to go forward with what she had to say.

 

"There is something else." She made a small break. "I was wondering, now that I am a fully raised Sister, ... If you would agree to become my Warder."

 

Without leaving Elessar the time to react, she threw herself in a long monologue.

 

She retraced the history of their meetings, classes and conversations. She told him about the trust she had in him and how she was afraid something could happen to him. She told him about her dreams ...  She didn't mention what she felt. It was too early for that but she gave facts and analysis. The White and Brown Aes Sedai would have been proud of her.

 

Time passed and Myrrhi eventually felt herself empty of words.

 

"What do say of this?" she asked.

 

[Elessar]

.. When the World comes Crashing down ..

►▼◄

 

The World came Crashing down on Elessar as his worst fear materialized.

 

I knew it! I was right! Kneeeew it!

 

A shrill voice, an echo of his wounded soul, screamed inside his head and it took every ounce of self-strength and Warder-experience to keep his emotions in check. It was a struggle though, like waves Crashing relentlessly upon the shore of his inner being, waiting to crush whatever obstacles came in its way. Soon his inner defences would be shattered, but for now they held.

 

Barely.

 

●

 

A few minutes earlier, he had listened to Myrrhi as she had begun to talk, explaining that she wanted to apologize for not seeking to meet him. She had added that she could not tell him much about it but that being raised to the Shawl had been more demanding than she had believed. Though not knowing any details, Elessar knew from his former Bondholders that there was much that Aes Sedai could not divulge to others, sometimes not even to their Warders. He had told her that he understood, accepting her apology.

 

There is nothing to forgive, he had said, meaning it. At the same time he had waited with growing impatience and unease for her to get to the real reason why she was really here. His stony face and piercing eyes must have conveyed some of his thoughts, because she had quickly gone on, adding that there was something else she needed to say. He had held his breath without being aware of doing so. Then she had uttered the words that Elessar had feared, all long, would come:

 

"I was wondering", she had begun carefully, "now that I am a fully raised Sister, ... If you would agree to become my Warder."

 

Time stopped for Elessar.

 

●

 

He listened to her explanation as if from a far distance, his mind and body engulfed by rising tension and inner pain. It was as if he were drugged and only.. partially aware of what was happening around him. As if he were looking through a glass enveloped by fog and mist where what was behind could be seen but not clearly, somewhat distorted in view.

 

As her voice spoke the words..

 

..his mind was back with Leandreen.. holding her dead body in his arms.. his mind broken..

 

●

 

It couldn’t be.. it just couldn’t be..

 

Leandreen!!

 

Oh dear Creator. Noooooo!

 

Cradling her head in his arms, a moment later, wetness on his cheeks, he saw the lifeless emerald eyes staring into nothingness, the deadly arrows protruding from her body.

 

Too late.The thought registered in his mind but he barely noticed it. I am too late.

 

Staring into her face, the face that had laughed with him so many times during their travels, the face that had scolded him at times, the face that had set him in his place when he had overstepped himself but which had always looked upon him with respect and friendship, he saw that he hardly recognized her now. It was almost as if this was some other woman. Almost as if this was a nightmare from which he would soon awaken. But he knew better. Even now, on the brink of insanity and a path into blackness, he knew.

 

Oh Leandreen.. I am so sorry.

 

So sorry.

 

Reaching back..

 

I failed you.

 

I failed.

 

●

 

His deeply painful memories blended with Myrrhi’s voice as she spoke in detail of their meetings, classes and conversations. He heard what she said.. like echoes on a summer-day pond, close but distant at the same time.. but his mind was with his dead Bondholder..

 

..in the past.. in  the present..

 

Leandreen I am so sorry!

 

|

Myrrhi spoke of trust..

|

 

My lfe before yours. I swore..

 

|

She spoke of her fear something could happen to him.

|

 

I failed you and that is unforgivable! Please forgive me..

 

|

She spoke of dreams..

|

 

But I deserve no forgiveness..

 

|

Dreams..

|

 

Oh forgive me, Leandreen - my soul is consumed by guilt..

 

|

Then the voice..

|

 

Forgive me.. please..

 

|

..stopped.

|

 

●

 

Refocusing on Myrrhi he realized something had changed.

 

Her voice.

 

It was silent - and she looked at him with some concern in her eyes, having undoubtedly seen that he was not quite himself.

 

Forgive..

 

Echoes in his mind..

 

Silence.

 

And then..

 

Finally she asked, "What do say of this?"

 

He struggled mightily with the waves that mounted inside him, Crashing upon his ever weakening defences.

 

He was silent for a long time, and he quickly understood that he lacked the self-control he would need to eplain his reasons to her properly, make her understand.

 

His thoughts rushed through him..

 

My soul could not take another failure, kind, passionate Myrrhi..

 

If I fail you too, in my service as your Warder, as I assuredly will, my soul and heart will be unredeemedly lost.

 

I cannot bear the thought of failing another time.

 

Silence.

 

I am not worthy, as my life has shown., he thought, blanketed by the darkest of guilt. My Bondholders are either dead or gone. I am a failure.. and I will not have your death on my conscience as well. I am so sorry but I cannot.

 

The darkness and eternal guilt inside him threatened to overwhelm him and he clenched his hands in a final effort to stem the tide.

 

 But it was too late.

 

His self-control was swept aside by Crashing waves as all the pent up guilt, anger at himself, disappointment, frustration and shame Erupted inside him all at once!

 

In his mind..

 

I will not have you die in my arms, Myrrhi.

 

Like Leandreen.

 

It would break my heart forever.

 

●

 

“Light! I am sorry, but don’t ask this of me!”

 

Elessar said almost in a loud scream.

 

“Not this!”

 

His whole body quivered as his curbed emotions now ran wildly free.

 

“I just cannot! I cannot!” He shouted in desperation.

 

With the look of a wounded animal, his eyes panic-stricken, his hands shaking, all self-control lost, he sprang up from his chair in a sudden, abrupt motion, making Myrrhi almost jump out of her skin, crossed the room in long strides without looking back, tore the library-door open, and slammed it behind him on his way out!

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Myrrhi shivered. She felt empty inside. Elessar's last words resonated in her head. "I just cannot, I cannot..." His voice was so clear that it was almost as if he was still here beside her, shouting as if in desperation.

 

Her eyes were still fixed on the door that the Warder had slammed behind him before leaving. A part of her wanted him to come back, to apologize for what he had said a couple of minutes ago. She imagined him striding towards her seat, his face full of confidence again, then kneeling and asking her to forgive him...

 

Another part of her knew that this would not happen. She had never seen Elessar reacting like he had. He had always been able to master his emotions so much more than her. As a Novice she had compared him many times to a fully raised Sister, as it had been so hard for her to read him.

 

What have I done?

 

Time passed and the sun descended so low in the sky that no more of its rays passed through the library windows. Soon, someone would come in to light a lamp or a candle. Myrrhi didn't want to meet anyone but she couldn't move. It seemed to her that all her strength had left her.

 

What have I done?

 

She didn't know who may have overheard them but, deep down, she knew that the other Aes Sedai, the ones who had been with the Warder, must have been aware that something had happened. One of them or one of their Warders must have seen Elessar going out of the room. If they had seen how upset he was, they would want to know why..

 

How will I be able to face any of them? How will I be able to return to the Tower? 

 

Dark thoughts assailed Myrrhi. It was hard for her not to imagine that something wasn't wrong with her. Of course, Elessar refusing her had been a possibility. She had envisioned him denying her request many times but, then, she had always had the chance to dissipate his doubts or to counter his arguments. In her dreams, they always ended up happily bonded.

 

Here, she hadn't had to opportunity to ask why he didn't want of her.

 

Is it because I am still a child for him? Is it because I am not good enough?

 

The more she thought about her weaknesses the more her frustration grew. And the more it grew, the more she felt pressure around her eyes. She was close to crying, very close to, but she was Aes Sedai and she could not afford to cry in a public place. Turning her face to stone, she advanced towards one of the windows. She didn't want to exit the inn by the main room. She felt so ashamed of herself that she didn't want anyone to associate her with the Warder. By chance, the library was on the ground floor, it would be easy for her to find a way back to the Palace without having to pass by the door. 

 

Indeed, the window in front of which she stood opened itself on a small garden at the back of the inn. The garden looked pretty and served as a rear entrance for the people who came in by horse. She let herself drop from the window sill, happy to see that the place was deserted. Head up high, she walked through the garden as if she had every right to be there, then through the stables which were almost as empty except for a servant. The girl was busy cleaning a horse and, seeing how fast she rubbed the animal, she wanted to be done with that chore as soon as possible. She didn't even turned her head when Myrrhi passed by.

 

Instead of going back to the Palace, Myrrhi decided to walk, hoping that she'd find a way to mend her broken heart. She didn't pay attention to the place where her feet took her. She just wanted to stay empty.

[Elessar]

.. Reflections in the Aftermath of Emotional Pandemonium ..

►▼◄

 

Standing on the steep, black cliffs west of Ebou Dar, staring hard into the far distance at the restive waters of the Sea of Storms, Elessar was thinking about the Storm inside of him. Aided by the calm of the Flame and the Void, it had abated somehow since his outburst, his emotional eruption or pandemonium, with Myrrhi in the Golden Seagull inn some hours before, and now he felt a kind of calm detachment sweep over him. His unease and inner pain were not gone, of course, but were temporarily kept at bay as he breathed in the salty sea air, felt the sun’s life-affirming rays on his face and skin, as he watched several birds of prey - eagles he thought they were - float on the southern winds into the horizon.

 

Shame..

 

He felt shame over his wild outburst, over his complete lack of self-control.. in front of Myrrhi. Who deserved so much better. But he had not been able to stop himself. That was the simple truth. Facing his greatest fear, that she would ask him to Bond her as a Warder, a responsibility he would assuredly fail at - again!, his inner dam of emotions had burst and waves of alarm and trepidation had Crashed through him. He had stormed out of the room and the inn as if he had the Dark One on his heels, not caring who saw or heard him or where he went as long as it was as far away as possible. He had ended up at these steep cliffs, after a long walk, mind and body in wild turmoil, spending some time there regaining some of his self-conrol.

 

I should not have frightened Myrrhi like that, he thought regretfully as his eyes followed a flock of seagulls flying just east of where he stood. He guessed that his sudden outburst and how he had stormed off had upset her and, probably, counfused her much. She was probably hurt as well, perhaps believing she was at fault somehow, though she might try to hide it to the world. With all that it entailed, asking a Warder to Bond was no easy or light decision for most Aes Sedai, especially when it concerned a friend, and getting rebuffed in such an emphatic - some might even say brutal - manner was not the easiest thing to face. Especially for a young newly raised Sister. I should not have lost all self-control. I am a Warder, perhaps a failed one but still.. A veteran Warder. An Aes Sedai deserves more respect. As I should know.. Shaking his head, angry at himself and despairing, he followed with his eyes one of the screeching seagulls as it landed on the cliff edge ten or so paces away from him.

 

But how could he explain it to her so she would understand? He wondered.

 

I cannot bear failing you as well, Myrrhi.., he thought yet another time. If you die in my arms, like Leandreen.. it will indeed break my soul..

 

●

 

In truth, it was debatable if a Warder could actually refuse a Bond. In Warder training many years before he had been taught that it was a Warder’s duty - and an honour - to accept a Bond that was offered by an Aes Sedai and, implied at least, that one could not refuse such an offer. Some Warders had also been Bonded against their will through the years, a practice Leandreen had told him the Aes Sedai officially frowned upon - some even likened it to mental rape - but did not, in fact, counteract, and some Warders had been forcefully Bonded to avoid them throwing away their lives futilely, like in Elessar’s case when he was on a death-quest into the Blight after Leandreen’s death. The most common accepted practice was, however, for the Sister to ask a Warder to Bond - and the Warder was expected to accept.

 

Myrrhi had no reason to expect me to refuse her, he thought sadly. I have kept my inner demons.. my traumas.. from her. She does not know..

 

The lone seagull, a white-feathered bird with an orange beak and large eyes, on the cliff edge turned and stared at him, as if, for a moment, wanting to share in his pensive thoughts. The Gaidin in turn met the bird’s eyes with his cold stare and wondered, for an idle moment, how pleasant it might have been to be a seagull and to be able to just fly away and leave all his problems and deep concerns behind.

 

Time passed by and still Elessar remained by the cliffs, lost in reflections.

 

●

 

He should have been back at the inn since he had a responsibility to the White Tower party to join them for that day’s meeting, but he did not pay it much heed. They could manage well without him, he thought, with his two Gaidin-brothers to escort, and he would take the heat from the Aes Sedai when he returned. The matter with Myrrhi, and his.. breakdown .. if it could be called that, was uppermost in his mind.

 

I took a vow as a Warder, to the Aes Sedai, to the White Tower. How can I break that sacred oath? What can justify that?

 

The seagull screeched once more and, possibly finding Elessar’s thoughts too troubling, it flew off into the distance, seemingly carefree, looking for greener pastures.

 

Do I have the right to refuse Myrrhi? She ask for my protection, as only a Bonded Warder can give, how can I refuse that trust?

 

A Warder’s duty.

 

But still I cannot accept! Leandreen’s dead eyes flashed in his mind and crushed any other considerations. I just cannot fail you too, Myrrhi Morrigen!

 

Elessar of Kandor was left standing on the cliffs west of Ebou Dar for a long, long time, as the yellow disc of the sun gradually descended in the sky, left alone with his own intensely troubling thoughts.

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Myrrhi watched the sun as it went down below the horizon.

 

The scene she had lived in the Golden Seagul had been playing in her head over and over again. In the beginning, she had tried to find where and when she had made mistakes. She had analyzed every word she had said, every move she had made. But in the end, she had to admit to herself that she didn’t know how she could have presented things differently.

 

It led her to think about herself, her journey in the Tower, the way people saw her. What is wrong with me ? The question hurt, almost as much as Elessar’s refusal. She hadn’t had many friends since her arrival in Tar Valon. As a Novice, she had been bullied by girls who had made fun of her passion for studies. Her time as an Accepted had been easier but it had meant fewer contacts with girls her age. A lot had changed since she had been raised, but the past was hard to erase.

 

She had cried. Not like a child whose flows of tears would be accompanied by pitiful noises. Her tears had glided down her cheeks one by one in a silence only broken by the noise from the streets around her. Still, her eyes felt puffy and raw. Time had passed and her tears had dried. Her cheeks felt as stiff as if they were made of paper.

 

The young woman was happy that no one was around to see her like that. She didn’t look like an Aes Sedai, nor even like herself.

 

The place she had picked, the rooftop of an abandoned house in the Rahad, was sufficiently remote to allow her as much time on her own as she needed. She didn’t remember how she had arrived there. Her steps had guided her in the most dangerous part of the city but a part where she would not meet any member of the White Tower.

 

Deep down, she knew she would have to move at one point. She would have to go back to the Palace. Deana would be wondering where she was. Of course, the Brown Sister would not dare to question Myrrhi about her whereabouts. Aes Sedai of different Ajah seldom talked about their business unless there were sent on a  joint mission. And here, the young woman had let the Brown Sister believe that she had things to do on her own.

 

« I can’t leave now », the young woman whispered. She sighed and bit her lower lip.

[Elessar]

.. Among the Shadowy Paths of the Rahad  ..

►▼◄

 

Late evening Darkness blanketed the coastal city of Ebou Dar, lights in windows and taverns blinking like fireflies in the murky Shadows.

 

Elessar had left the steep cliffs behind a good while ago and had walked steadfastedly eastward toward the city proper. Now he saw some of those lights ahead and knew he was closing in on his destination. He had a choice to make though. He could either walk the long way around, entering Ebou Dar by a more northern gate or he could take the short-cut through the Rahad. It was the more dangerous route for sure, even as experienced a warrior and fighter as Elessar was had to take care when walking through that poor and rough Ebou Dari neighbourhood, especially at night.

 

Still, he decided to take the short-cut. It would save him some time and after his long absence that day it would be prudent to get back to the inn as soon as could be. He expected to find the Aes Sedai in charge waiting for him, late or not, demanding an explanation he did not have. He pushed that concern away for the moment and focused all his attention on the streets and buildings he saw through the southern gate. Walking through, he headed up the first street on his left, his eyes gazing watchfully into the darkness on both sides of the street.

 

There was little apparent activity, but he saw movement in the Shadows and knew he was being watched. His confident steps and lithe movement combined with his stone-faced look made several bystanders think again before approaching him; there was no hiding that here came a very dangerous man. Some of the buildings the Warder passed were abandoned, worn down shells in truth, while others were occupied by very dubious tenants. He locked his eyes on a figure standing on dark stairs leading up to the building from the street and the figure averted his eyes as Elessar walked by.

 

A cat suddenly rushed across the street in front of him and he followed it calmly with his eyes as it disappeared around a darkened corner. A middle-aged man in rugged clothes shuffled past him on his way to some errand or other, while another - this one younger and with hard eyes and the look of a back alley mugger or thief - watched Elessar carefully from a shadowed doorway. The Gaidin rounded a corner and crossed the street to his right. He walked along the pavement for two blocks before heading down another alley, this time on his left. There was the sound of running feet down a smaller alley further to his left but soon that sound too was gone. So far no trouble and that was to the good, he thought. I wonder if my luck will last, he wondered as he walked vigilantly down the Shadowy paths of the infamous Rahad.

 

●

 

Suddenly, another block further along, there was a shout .. almost like a scream .. coming from the adjacent street. Normally this would not have bothered the Warder, shouts and screams were common place in this part of town, but he actually thought he recognized the voice! He turned his head..

 

It sounded almost like..

 

It can’t be..!

 

But there it was again!

 

It was either the Aes Sedai, or someone very much like her.

 

He rushed around the corner, keeping his eyes watchful and his whole body ready for an attack that could come. A little ahead he saw a figure lying on the ground and as he ran forwards and coming closer, he saw that it was indeed his Aes Sedai friend in her green dress.

 

It is her!

 

He could not see anyone else about.

 

What is she doing here!?

 

“Myrrhi!” He shouted, forgetting in his hurry to add her title, and she turned her head as he ran up to her. “Are you ok?” He asked, helping her to her feet, while at the same time looking around for any sign of danger. She replied that she was fine, but it was hard to read her face from the little light coming from the windows along the alley. She seemed just as surprised to find him there though, as he was to find her. He wondered silently what had happened to her, but the question would have to wait. He checked again their surroundings but could not see any imminent threat anywhere. He did not feel comforted though, not in this Dark place, it was best to get her safely away as quickly as possible. “Can you walk?” He asked. She replied that she could and so he lead her carefully, silently, down the street, keeping to the Shadows as much as possible. They covered some distance, several blocks, before Elessar stopped and pulled her into the lee of an old building.

 

●

 

Looking carefully into her blue eyes, ignoring the complicated, strained and very ambivalent feelings he had inside with regards to her, he asked what she was doing there, in the Rahad, at this time of day. In such a rough and dangerous place, his eyes and voice implied.

 

And what had happened?

 

She met his eyes squarely and started to explain.

 

She had been caught unawares..

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Myrrhi felt that it was time for her to get down from her roof. She didn't have the strength to cry anymore, nor to think. Going back to the Palace seemed to be the best option. It was getting late and Deana would probably start to wonder where she was. The young woman had agreed on helping her Senior with her work. It would be unfair not to show up at all.

 

She opened herself to Saidar. For a time, her sadness completely disappeared and her resolve to move strengthened. She channeled a thread of Water to freshen up her face then another thread - of Air this time - to dry her skin. She rearranged her hair and got up on her feet. Her dress didn't look as well as it had earlier that day. Patches of sweat and dust could be seen here and there. However, it was nothing the One Power couldn't handle, and so Myrrhi channeled some more hoping that no Aes Sedai was around. Using Saidar for tasks like these was a shame, or so she had been taught, but she didn't feel like she had any other choice in the matter.

 

Slowly, she descended the stairs of the abandoned house that had been her refuge for so many hours. Its wood creaked in the night as she advanced, scaring insects. She could hear their little wings fluttering all around her.

 

When she arrived on the ground floor, she took a deep breath. At once, her heart tightened. She knew that as soon as she'd pass the door she would have to act like the Aes Sedai she was supposed to be. Unless...

 

Biting her lower lip, she took away the Great Serpent ring from her finger and placed it securely in a little pouch she was wearing at her belt. No one in the Rahad would recognize her as an Aes Sedai if she didn't wear the ring... Let's behave like a girl for a couple more minutes, she thought. I'll need a bit more time to straighten my back and walk with my nose up high...

 

The darkness outside was the perfect cover for her, the street lamps gave such a weak light that no one would notice the rich make of her dress.

 

After a couple of steps, Myrrhi noticed that the air was cooler in the streets than it had been on the rooftop. She tried to focus, pushing away all feelings of cold. It is working, she happily told herself a couple of seconds later. She would still feel the night breeze that had raised but was not bothered by it anymore.

 

Taking one step after the other, the young woman tried to build back her confidence. She chose not to pay much attention to her surroundings. First she needed to take care of what was happening inside her head and inside her heart. The indistinct noises coming from behind her didn't even make her look back.

 

I don't care ... were the only words that passed through her mind. Probably just a few bugs or rodent... disgusting little things.

 

Deana Sedai and her Warder were the only two people that filled her mind.

 

Suddenly, someone ran into her, grabbed her pouch and pushed her on the ground before running away. The young woman cried out. More out of surprise than of anything else. As out of reflex, she reached for the One Power, sending threads around her pouch to take it back. Her Serpent Ring was in there and she didn't want to lose it. The thief was already far but she was strong enough in the Power to send a weave towards his hands no matter how fast he ran.

 

The threads were not made to hurt the man. Their only purpose was to make the pouch so heavy that he would have to drop it, which he did. Then, with a thread of Air, she pulled back her possession towards her.

 

Not paying attention on her footing, Myrrhi crashed on the ground as soon as her pouch came back to her hands.

 

***

 

Myrrhi heard steps coming her way. As soon as she could she opened her pouch and pulled the Great Serpent ring out of it. She slid it back to her finger and turned her head.

 

"Myrrhi!"

 

The young woman turned her head. Elessar?

 

Meeting him here felt so strange, she felt as if she was in a dream.

 

"Are you ok?" he asked as he helped her back on her feet.

 

"I am fine," she replied in a voice she tried to make as cold as she could. She didn't manage. Something inside her made her want to be gentle around the Warder.

 

"Can you walk?"

 

"Yes, I can," she said in a whisper. The Warder took her arm to help her to walk down the street. She didn't mind him helping her. Too many things had happened to her that day and her legs felt like wool. They stuck to the side of the road, staying close to the buildings. The street lights were barely touching them there, and shadow covered their faces. It's a good thing, Myrrhi thought, she didn't want Elessar to see her face. It would surely betray how troubled she was feeling.

 

Suddenly, the Gaidin stopped and pulled her into the lee of an old house. Looking hesitantly in her eyes, he asked her what she was doing in the Rahad at this time of the day. He didn't sound very happy about it.

 

As she was not answering him immediately, he went on. "And what happened?"

 

"And how is this your business?" she asked. Then, immediately regretted her words. She was Aes Sedai, she couldn't behave like a child.

 

"I am on my way back to the Palace. I had no other choice than crossing this street." she answered pointing towards the place they had met. "I didn't think someone would attack me like that."

 

 

 

 

 

[Elessar]

.. A Momentary Respite in the Embrace of ‘Star and Moon’  ..

►▼◄

 

"And how is this your business?"

 

Her words had stung him though he had tried to hide it as he had looked back at her neutrally with little emotion.

 

Perhaps she is right, it isn’t my business at all.

 

She had added, almost reluctantly he had thought, that she had been on her way back to the Palace. She had had no other choice than crossing that street, she had replied pointing towards the place where they had met. She had added that she had not thought someone would attack her like that.

 

He had waited for a further explanation but none had been forthcoming. From her voice and the way she had spoken he had gotten the impression there was more to the story, but he had no intention to push for more truth. She would speak when she was ready, if then. It was her choice. So he had lead the way northward, holding onto her arm to help her along, and had walked in silence as they had finally left the rough dark streets of the Rahad behind.

 

●

 

Now he stood before the Tarasin Palace gates with Myrrhi beside him. All the way from the Rahad he had wondered how she came to be in such a dangerous place. On her own. In the dark. In late evening. Yes, she was Aes Sedai and had ways of protecting herself, but Elessar knew from Leandreen that a Sister could not use the One Power as a weapon except in certain circumstances.

 

It was one of the three Oaths Aes Sedai swore: to never use the One Power as a weapon except against Darkfriends or Shadowspawn, or in the last extreme defense of her life, the life of her Warder, or another Aes Sedai.

 

Not all common people knew of this major restriction, and some thought it was bogus, though historically it was believed to be the main reason that the ruling Nations of the World had accepted the great Power and Reach of the White Tower through the Ages. Even so, for her to be in the Rahad alone at this time of night bordered on the.. irresponsible, in the protective Gaidin’s eyes. He was not about to tell her so though, far from it; the situation between them was awkward.. and strained.. enough as it was.

 

They made some more small talk, despite everything finding some small comfort in the sound of each other’s voices, and agreed to meet the next evening - they both thought they would be free then - at an inn Elessar knew of further west in the city. He gave her quick directions and she nodded as if she understood. It was obvious to them both that much had been left unsaid.. but it was necessary for now.. they needed time for reflection and, Elessar thought, perhaps they would gradually open up more when next they met. They shared a silent look, and then Elessar said goodbye to Myrrhi, gave her a respectful Warder’s bow, and walked off in the direction of the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn several blocks away. He did not see Myrrhi stare after him for some time with an undefinable look in her eyes.

 

●

 

As he walked up to the inn, he went over in his mind what lies he would tell the Aes Sedai in charge of the mission. He knew only one thing: he could not tell her the truth. If they suspected that he was emotionally unstable or unfit for duty, he would be sent straight back to Tar Valon and the Tower. It would be yet another failure on his part.

 

Also, he did not want to reveal the truth between him and Myrrhi and her.. proposal. It was too personal and he was not ready to talk about it. At the same time, Aes Sedai were very good at distinguishing truth from lies. So he had to be prudent and careful with his words. Even as he entered the inn, closing the door behind him, he had not fully decided on the careful lie he would tell.

 

He passed the Common Room which was half-full and modestly noisy and looked toward the stairs. As expected, his brother-Gaidin stood there, giving him a nod and a not totally unsympathetic look. Elessar nodded back to him and stopped to wait. The other Gaidin turned and whistled once and a door was opened upstairs. Soon the Aes Sedai glided majestically down the staircase and, with a very unamused look on her face, came to stand before a stone-faced Elessar. Nothing was said but she nodded coldly and he followed her to the small library at the back. He shut the door behind him and faced the Sister.

 

●

 

A little later he entered his own room on the second floor. He had not needed to give his elaborate lie. The Sister had, in fact, not been interested in the reasons for his absence, but had told him straight up that it was irresponsible and a dereliction of his duties on this mission. She had expected more of a veteran Gaidin such as himself. He had listened to the rebuke in silence. He had promised that it would not happen again, and he hoped he would be able to keep that promise. Throwing himself on his bed, arms thrown wide, he closed his eyes for a long moment, wondering how he would find his way out of the multitude of emotional and practical dilemmas that faced him.

 

Foremost of these was Myrrhi.

 

Not surprisingly, his sleep was troubled that night and he woke early, having a practice session in the back yard before dawn to get some of the tension out of his body. Joining the Aes Sedai and Warders for breakfast, he spoke little and the food tasted almost like ashes in his mouth. A few hours later he was at another mansion in Ebou Dar with the others, at another meeting for the Aes Sedai with what he presumed was a local nobleman. He kept his vigil, doing his duty, in silence, as his thoughts roamed, trying to find solutions to his predicament. And when they were done he followed the others as they headed back to the inn. Later in the afternoon he was to escort the Aes Sedai on another errand in the city, but he would have the entire evening free, he was told. This suited Elessar very well since he had planned to meet Myrrhi later at the ‘White Swan’ inn.

 

●

 

And early that evening, Myrrhi and Elessar sat at a table at the back of the ‘White Swan’, a fairly large and opulent establishment situated in western Ebou Dar, enjoying a meal of roast and potatoes, when a gleeman entered the stage and began to play the flute. The inn was almost full, mostly packed with locals enjoying an ale or two or ten, and many turned their attention to the gleeman as he played. The man - who was of below middle age with short blond hair, a beard and the look of a peddler - wore a cloak of many colourful patches, typical of his profession, and certainly had talent. The Warder and the Aes Sedai had made some small talk before the food had arrived, at first the conversation had been somewhat awkward but soon they had both relaxed and become more at ease since the ‘heavier’ topics - the dangerious ones - were deliberately ignored. She seemed fairly comfortable and he needed a break from his dark thoughts, a momentary respite from his concerns and gloom, and listening to the gleeman play took him far away, to a more peaceful place in his mind.

 

Soon the gleeman began to sing and he had a mesmerizing voice that caught you and held you in its grip. The locals applauded merrily when he was finished, appreciating his art, and some yelled for a story. The cry was picked up, several guests also banging enthusiastically on the tables. Elessar had seen this happen many times before, at various inns and taverns up through the years, and he knew that the gleeman loved all the attention he now would get.

 

“We want a story!”

“Giv’ us a good one!”

“An old story, one of those epics!”

“One from the Age of Legends!”

“Yes, one of those!”

 

The gleeman grinned, indeed loving the centre-stage attention as all gleemen in fact did, and made a grandiose and theatrical bow to the crowd - to even more cheering - before he said: “I will give you a story.” As he spoke his voice changed, as he drew them all in. “A story from before the Age of Legends, some say. An epic story.. of love And sorrow ..” He made a dramatic gesture with his hands - to which a watching Elessar grinned inwardly, enjoying the show - and said almost in a whisper: “Listen then, to the Eternal story of  ‘Star and Moon’”..

 

Elessar smiled, nodding. This was yet another of his favourite stories, poetry made manifest in song, which he had seen performed several times during his years of travel with his Bondholders. He enjoyed it just as much every time he heard and saw it though, and sat forward in his chair, eager for this gleeman’s rendition. The man’s voice rose slightly in pitch and then he began to sing. As he sang, a complete silence swept through the inn, every man and woman’s attention focused on the gleeman, as they were all caught up in the beauty and magic of the story....

 

●

 

►▼◄

 

’Star and Moon’

 

Princess sweet and Prince of Light

Fell in love one autumn Night

Great were days of joy and Smiles

Both together through the Miles

 

Beautiful she was to See

Handsome man was also He

Perfect couple for the Lands

Wedded true and holding Hands

 

Then the darkness fell on All

In the war, the Prince`s Fall

Tore her heart, the Princess Sad

In her grief, she went all Mad

 

Heart was broken and the Mind

Death a solace, far Behind

But at last she passed Away

To the lands beyond, to Stay

 

Mourning hard the people Cried

Hope and beauty had now Died

Then one evening up they Stared

Wonder great, the night-sky Fared

 

In the sky a star was Born

Brilliant it shone, Forlorn

And the people felt in Heart

She was back, a brand new Start

 

Tears from heaven, from the Queen

Of the sky, of beauty Seen

She would watch the land till End

Came to all that was, my Friend

 

But alone she was in Truth

Missed her loved one, and her Youth

Where was Prince and all Delight

Then she saw him, moon in Night

 

And the moon would glow with Life

Her great Prince with his dear Wife

Both together, far Above

Star and Moon, forever Love

 

►▲◄

 

  ▀▄ 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Elessar

[Guest]

Eventually, they arrived in front of the Tarassin Palace. They stopped a few meters from the entrance, not wanting to part immediately. The day had been full of emotions and Myrrhi didn’t want to find herself alone. She didn’t want to cry anymore and Elessar’s presence made her want to show herself stronger than how she felt, deep down inside.

 

It soon became obvious to her that they were both using small talk as an excuse to spend a bit more together. The young woman didn’t mind. Better to be here in the dark than under Deana’s scrutiny.

 

As minutes passed, the Mol Hara Square emptied. I have to go, thought the young woman after a while. It is getting really late...

 

She jumped on the occasion offered by the next pause in their conversation to wish the Warder a good night. Elessar politely replied, wishing her a good night as well before giving her a perfect Warder bow. He left, then, without looking back.

 

Myrrhi waited for him to disappear between the high buildings that surrounded the square before going her own way. Somehow, she had still hoped for him to turn back, to come to her, and to accept her offer.

 

Stop hoping, it will not happen,  she whispered to herself.

 

The Palace looked almost as busy as it was during the day. Servants, visitors, guards could be met at every corner. They didn’t help Myrrhi to feel better. She feared that they would think less of her for the sadness that emanated from her. She focused on her face, to make it look as unreadable as it was possible to. Still, she felt her brow twitching every now and then, sure sign that she must have been glaring more than she intended.

 

"There you are!"

 

The young woman turned her head to the right and saw Deana, her Warder in tow. "I have been looking for you everywhere," she added, grabbing Myrrhi's sleeve to pull her towards the library. The Brown Sister advanced with a sure foot, unaware of the younger Aes Sedai situation. "I have discovered something that will probably interest you ...."

 

Myrrhi lost herself in her senior's words. The Brown was so happy to have unearthed rare books that it was as if only those new found stories mattered. She didn't even take the time to ask to the younger woman why she was late.

 

Oh Deana, you can't possibly imagine how this is helpful ... Myrrhi smiled as she passed the library doors.

 

***

 

Deana was a very enthusiastic scholar. She spent the whole night explaining to Myrrhi the content of the books she wanted to copy for the White Tower and why she wanted to copy them.

 

Of course, she said, she could have decided to take them with her - she was Aes Sedai after all and Aes Sedai could order Kings and Queens in some areas - but she didn't want to cross Ebou Dar's ruler. After all, the Tarasin Palace library had had a couple of interesting additions lately... and confiscating books could be an under productive move.

 

Myrrhi politely nodded every two to three minutes. Adding some "hu-uh" when they where needed. Her mind kept on drifting elsewhere... Again and again, Elessar's face appeared in her thoughts making it hard for her to fully concentrate on Deana's words. She almost jumped of happiness when Deana's Warder joined their desk, to suggest to the women some rest before the coming of the first lights of the morning. Fatigue had slowly made its place, preventing her from hiding her want to yawn.

 

As soon as the young woman crashed in her bed, she fell deeply asleep.

 

***

 

As agreed on the day before, Myrrhi met Elessar near the White Swan where they were supposed to share an evening meal. She didn't know why she had accepted to meet him. He didn't want her to bond him and only few Aes Sedai spent time with Gaidins who were not theirs. Still, it had been impossible for her to refuse the invitation. Her mouth had said "yes" way before her head had starting to think about the best reply to give. The man seemed to have a real power over me.... As if to prove her thoughts, Myrrhi had felt butterflies in her stomach, as soon as she had seen him.

 

They greeted each other carefully, using a wall of politeness to hide their thoughts. Just like the Gaidin, the young woman paid attention to the topic of their conversation. She didn't dare to mention the Green Ajah, nor the bonds, nor the last days event.

 

Once seated in the inn, things relaxed a bit. The general atmosphere made it easier for the both of them to chat. They commented on the drinks, the menu and the inn itself. It was by far more opulent that the Golden Seagull.

 

Another round of drinks had been set on their table when the inn Gleeman called for attention. He talked with the audience for a while, letting it beg for an epic story until he found himself satisfied with the crowd reactions.

 

As he started to sing something that he announced as a story of love and sorrow; Myrrhi saw the Gaidin's face lighten and his eyes shine. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him following the gleeman's every word.

 

 

[Elessar]

.. Lost like a Ship adrift on an Unruly Sea  ..

►▼◄

 

Elessar slept a little better that night, echoes of the ‘Star and Moon’ reveberating in his mind.

 

The following day the White Tower-party had its final meeting in Ebou Dar. Another Manor House, this time in the east of the city. Two of the Aes Sedai had, in addition, visited the Tarasin Palace for a while. One of his brother-Gaidin told him as much. The morning after, they would all return to Tar Valon, Elessar and the other Warders were told after lunch, the mission completed.

 

Another Sister, a regal, slender, tall, brown-haired, dark-eyed Blue, with her Warder, a stick-thin but bone-hard older Saldaean, had joined the group at the ‘Golden Seagull’ inn that afternoon. Who they were and where they came from Elessar did not know, but they were joining the larger group for the journey back to the White Tower. This was of great interest to Elessar, because this could make it possible for him to leave the group in Ebou Dar. With an added Warder, the party should be well protected on the return trip, he thought.

 

For Elessar had decided to remain behind, if possible. To sort out his dilemmas, if possible.

 

With our without Myrrhi, he needed some time to think and to get to grips with himself and his strained, out-of-control emotions. He did not know if Myrrhi planned to return to Tar Valon right away, in the next days, but he suspected not. She wanted him as her Warder and would not give up that easily, he felt quite sure of that. Behind her young and sometimes innocent-seeming, perhaps also vulnerable, exterior was a lady of determination, he thought, just like Leandreen. A woman who would do her utmost to achieve her goals, passionate in the desire to succeed with her cause. She confused him, his feelings were very mixed up when it came to her. But above all he did not want to fail her. And he did not know how to avoid that if he were to be her Warder and Protector.

 

Impossible dilemmas. Impossible choices.

 

I cannot fail another time, I just cannot!  Elessar thought for the hundreth time. Especially not with her.

 

He had no idea how he would find the answers he needed. He had no idea how he would be able to face his inner demons.

 

He felt Lost like a Ship adrift on an Unruly Sea.

 

●

 

That evening, after supper, he carefully approached the Aes Sedai in charge of the Ebou Dari mission and, coming straight to the point, told her that he had some important personal business to take care of in Ebou Dar and asked if he could be excused from the return trip to Tar Valon. He mentioned that the joining Sister and her Warder ought to give them enough protection to escort them safely back to the White Tower.

 

The Aes Sedai was not best pleased, her stare hard, but when pressed he added that some of his business concerned another Aes Sedai in the city, she finally relented and gave him her permission. Upon his return to Tar Valon he would report to his Warder superior, however, and give him a good accounting of his ‘personal business’ in Ebou Dar. He nodded politely, giving her a Warder’s bow, and then walked off to his room. He had gotten what he wanted and could not complain.

 

Now for all the rest of my problems, he sighed discontentedly, as he opened the door to his quarters and entered. Nothing is ever easy.

 

●

 

The next morning, under a sunny and beautiful southern sky, the rest of the White Tower party collected their horses in the stables and departed for the north. Elessar of Kandor saw them off, standing silently underneath the sign of the Golden Seagull above the inn’s entrance, wondering if he was making a mistake by staying behind. It had seemed so logical and right in his mind, but now that the others had left he was second-guessing himself. Well, we will soon find out, he thought with a shake of the head as he returned upstairs to his room to get his saddle.

 

He and Myrrhi were going for a ride - to talk, they had agreed - and he had brushed his saddle so it looked the part for this occasion. They were going to meet at the stables in a short while and Elessar wanted a word with the young stable-boy before she arrived. Some minutes later he stood before Stormbreaker, his valiant and loyal black Warhorse of many years, patting him affectionately on the back. Stormbreaker would enjoy the ride. Bred as a Warhorse, he easily got restless when left in a stable for long periods of time. Now his eagerness to get outside made him stamp his feet in anticipation and Elessar had to calm him a little.

 

Gazing outside, in part warily because their coming‘talk’ also worried him, in part longingly, the Warder waited for Myrrhi to arrive.

 

Myrrhi Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah.

 

Her.

 

If this goes straight to hell, he mused with a dark grin and an involuntary shiver, I might as well just go and drown myself in the Aryth Ocean!

 

  ▀▄ 

 

 

For PART 2 of this RP-thread see ->>

 

 

 

Edited May 12, 2018 by Elessar