Troubling Dreams (Janna, Owen, Burrich)

[Lwena]

She was lounging outside of her small cabin, sitting on a low bench with her legs spread out before her, arms folded across her stomach and her head tilted back so that it was resting against the rough wood behind her. Golden eyes were half closed, her posture casual to a fault, and to most observers she would have appeared to have been dozing. However, there were no observers to come to this conclusion, no one to see her slouching in a manner that would have made any mother cringe, and so she wasn’t too worried about being scolded by someone for ‘sleeping on the job’. Though, she thought with a bit of a smile, that was technically what she was doing, wasn’t it?

 

Leila was waiting in the dream world for one of her contacts to appear, early as per usual, and so technically she was sleeping on the job – sleeping was the job. Unfortunately, being in the Dream all night did not really make for a good night’s sleep, and so once the Watcher she was waiting for, a young man named Lucan, appeared, she would wake up, write down what he had to say, and then go back to sleep for real. Whatever he had to say was probably not so important that it had to be dealt with right away, and while she would wake up near morning, she could afford to sleep the majority of her day away – or at least, she was going to pretend she could. Shaking her head mentally, she straightened as Lucan came around the corner. The Watcher was around her age, but had actually been at the Stedding longer than she had been – well, he’d been found by a Tracker and brought back before she had been. However, as soon as he’d been able, he’d left the Stedding, which was why he was a Watcher; he didn’t like being in the Stedding, found it too constricting.

 

Leila could sympathize; most Watchers probably could. She loved being in the Stedding, but at the same time, she always felt so useless in there; short of being a Sage, she probably would have always felt useless in the Stedding, and even then she wasn’t so sure. Besides, she would have made a terrible Sage. However, she was all but required to be in the Stedding since most of the Watchers that she’d spoken to didn’t want to be there for any extended period of time, and it wasn’t so bad. It was a nice place, and she was helping, even if it didn’t always feel like it.

 

“Hey the-“ She settled back comfortably on the bench as Lucan settled down beside her, crossing one leg so that she was facing him, with the other leg still dangling off of the edge of the bench. He didn’t let her finish her sentence before he started speaking, his words coming carefully and deliberately, but quickly. He’d obviously thought about what he was going to say, adding weight to his words, and so when she was finished she was only inclined to take him more seriously. That said, an insane Wanderer? That was definitely serious business. After a few carefully placed questions, Lucan had determined where the girl was being held, by whom, but not if she was actually insane or not. Leila knew as well as anyone that the Howling was not exactly an easy process for anyone, but in some situations it was enough to convince ‘normal’ people that the one going through it was indeed crazy, even when the Wanderer was still perfectly sane – hearing voices? Seeing and smelling things that ‘weren’t there’? They were typical signs of ‘insanity’ that Wanderers saw…

 

But she didn’t know the details, and was jumping to conclusions, and so stopped herself before she got too involved in her predictions. Thanking Lucan, she woke herself up and groaned, rubbing her eyes. It was early, but the sun was already starting to rise, which meant that it wasn’t completely unfair to go to Janna this early – which was exactly what she had to do, since it was a Wanderer in question. Lucan couldn’t really do anything more, not without endangering his position in the area and leaving to go back to the Stedding, which Leila didn’t want happening. No, this was definitely Tracker business…

 

Which was how she found herself knocking on Janna’s door and fighting back another early-morning yawn; she’d gotten dressed and cleaned herself up a bit, but even splashing cold water on her face hadn’t completely returned her to awakeness yet.

[Wolfsbane]

OOC:

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.

*post was deleted*

*yet still shows like post wasn't deleted*

 

So... by show of hands.. awkward Leila walking in on me in Janna's house, or stick with she's there and looking over the map thing again? Did anyone read my post before it was deleted by the DM gods that be? Am I really going to have to save ALL of my posts now on my HD?

 

-erik

[Lwena]

OOC: Ack, and I was actually going to reply! SOMEONE HATES ME...

 

And. I read it. But do what you will :P I'm good either way ;)

 

And yes, yes you are, on the saving. Or not, but who knows...?

 

-Lei

[WhiteWolf]

It would be best if you do Erik. Hopefully this situation will not arise again, but i can make no promises as i do not have any control over tech matters, sorry guys it was an honest mistake by Fader and one any of us could have made.

 

Owen

[Wolfsbane]

“Why’d I have to bloody forget…?” Erik breathed as he lifted himself up from peering beneath the bed, eyes searching the bright room, nostrils flaring as he pulled the house’s scents into him. I’d been bloody wearing it when I bloody went in there, why would I take it off? He searched for the familiar smell, dusty wood and dog musk, cut grass and tiger lilies, hunted it as his eyes turned over and dismissed the room’s contents. Have it on my neck… Talked about the new outbreaks of Shadow Hunts… Erik played back the previous night’s events in his head; back peddling through what he faintly remembered, a step here, a sit there, nothing would warrant removing it.

Nothing.

 

Janna’s scent filled every inch of the house, his mind involuntarily cataloguing it: what she was feeling, what she had eaten, her clothes, her perfume, while he hunted on. Erik could feel his face burn as he opened a chest of drawers he recalled standing next to, his hands instantly slamming it back into place… Her small clothes… He asked himself for the twentieth time why he couldn’t wait for her to return from wherever she was, as Tracker Leader she was prone to disappearing and reappearing and he had little authority to question it, but he continued to peek inside the drawers hoping to see what he was after. Didn’t know Janna had any Domani dresses…

 

A knock at the door and Erik’s throat seized, hands clenching the low table he had just hefted, his blood thumping dully behind his eyes, at the back of his jaw. Standing uneasily, eyes searching out an escape but none came to him. The windows on hinges all faced the door, and the others were too small to be tempting enough; he had been careless. If the person on the other side of the door was anything but a Wolfkin, he may have had a chance, but he knew any two-legs from town would not go personally to a Kin’s home, and that his luck was never that good. They would have heard him moving around her house like a Kodiak in an outhouse, been able to hear the change in the low creak of the floorboards and guess not only his weight and size but balance and control. They would knock again and it would begin to look suspicious… Even then, he had to force himself to move, wobbling step after another, before he stood before the front door reaching for the white painted door knob.

He was practising how he was going to explain it already, conversations and consequences bouncing through his thoughts like tumbling fools. He felt a fool.

‘…I just left it here and I didn’t want to bother you…’

‘…Passing by and I remembered, you know that old…’

‘…Didn’t want to trouble, hoped I didn’t disturb…’

‘…Thought you were home, but…’

 

Pulling the door open, he hesitated as his knuckles flexed around the knob, then opened it wide; his eyes sliding down a hand to peer into a pair of golden eyes he had not expected.

 

“Ja- Leila,” the surprised look washed off her face faster than the sleep that she was trying to hide, her eyes looked slightly more heavy-lidded and her jaw seemed to be firming like she was holding in a yawn that would crack it, “a… pleasant surprise.”

 

“Hello Erik,” amusement touched those eyes, a fire crackling behind them, as she peered up at him with all the calm of the cosmos. He almost wished to be a Watcher simply that he could look at people and have them want to tell him what he wanted, raise an eyebrow and ask a question he hadn’t been thinking, but they had. “Is Janna up yet?”

 

“Well uh… yes… but—”

“Is she getting dressed?” a smile quivered on those lips and her eyes seemed to drag towards the bedroom door a pace behind him.

A stern face and a twist of his stance to block her view of the bedroom was all he could manage without having his face scald crimson; her eyes watched him again like they had had no intention of looking behind him at all. I’ll trust a man who wants to kill me over a woman who loves me. Not that I prefer the knife in the back from the man, merely that I’m certain that it’s coming. His father’s quotes still rattled around in his skull, he recalled his mother not particularly enjoying that one greatly.

“She is out.” All he could manage.

“Then you would be in her house because…?”

 

The excuses he had been practising suddenly left him, his tumbling thoughts rolling to a stand still as the small woman had him on his toes and feeling his heart race with nothing more than a few questions. But she’s not just a woman, not just a Wolfsister, nor a Watcher… She is the Watcher Leader of the Wolfkin, a division leader, and able to tell a Tracker to climb a mountain on a whim.

“I left something here.”

Keep it short, and simple, hard to fall over your tongue when you only say three or four things at a time. Then again, with his luck and a woman…

“Just having a look for it, Leila, though I may still be looking by the time Janna gets back. Anything you like me to pass on?”

 

Something he had said simmered the fire in her eyes, sombre concern was what filled them now, but she still wore that quirk to her mouth like she could grin at him at any moment. He had known girls that would watch him with that kind of smile, when he was young and had done something foolish, they were all waiting for him to continue the performance.

The concern in his Wolfsister’s face focused his thoughts, something bothered her enough to come to Janna this early in the morning and he wanted to do what he could to help, despite the fact she found his embarrassment a rich joke.

The woman you want to marry boy is the one that loves your failures, though for most of us, we end up with the ones that love us as failures.

Erik hadn’t known his parents’ property had a guest house until his mother walked in on his father spouting that bit of advice, and the one about why women seem to think they always have to be right.

 

Night’s Howl snapped its jaws in the back of his mind and was quiet, a presence, a constant weight on him in the darkness, biding.

 

He watched Leila, his face a mask of calm as she talked, his skin itching for what he had lost, his inner thoughts boiling as he listened.

 

-Erik

[Lwena]

Leila shifted from one foot to the other as she waited for Janna to come to the door, more an effort to wake herself up than a sign of impatience, and stopped the movement shortly after she stopped as she heard movement within the house. There had been a brief moment of silence, and now whoever was walking towards the door didn’t sound like Janna; while Leila wasn’t exactly the type to stand there and guess weight and height, as Erik’s panicked thoughts led him to believe, she was keen enough to realize that Janna didn’t exactly walk as heavily as whoever this was did. After all, she was a small woman; whoever was in the house… was not a small woman. Leila caught herself from frowning as the door handle turned, and she blinked in surprise at the sight of… Erik?

 

The shock was gone so fast it might as well have never been there, and quickly replaced with amusement at the embarrassment tingeing the Tracker’s cheeks. She probably took an obscene amount of pleasure in asking him about Janna, though forced herself to keep her questions related to the problem at hand – after all, as amusing as it would have been to push Erik about exactly why he was at Janna’s house (“Left what here?” and whatnot), she was there on business, and if Janna was out, she needed to find out where she had gone. This matter was too important to waste a lot of time playing mind games, as much fun as that would have been, and so when Erik asked if there was anything that he could pass on, she actually considered his offer. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Erik (by no means was that an issue), but rather she felt she was more capable of explaining it to Janna than giving the details to Erik as best she could and hoping he gave her all the important pieces. As information passed from one person to another, it had the tendency to become distorted, she knew all too well, and she didn’t want Erik missing something because he didn’t consider it important, and she did.

 

Despite this, she decided to speak anyway; the message would get passed on either way, and Erik was a Tracker; he would recognize what the Trackers needed to know.

 

“There is a Wanderer who is in need of the Tracker’s attentions,” She started slowly, though as she began speaking more her words picked up in pace, until she was speaking so rapidly that it was almost hard to understand her. “However, she’s being held captive, locked away – her people think that she is insane, and for all we know, she could be already. My Watcher in the area can’t interfere without jeopardizing his position, and he’s not equipped to do so besides, but he did contact me to tell me this, and about the girl. She’s young, a Tinker.” Leila shrugged, trying to recall the most important pieces of the girl’s location and passing them on – she was somewhere in Andor, but aside from that, it was difficult to say, because she was a Tinker, and the Wolfkin didn’t exactly track them. Giving Erik a bit of a concerned frown, Leila finished her message and tilted her head slightly as she added, “The sooner Janna hears, the better, since we don’t know if the stories of this girl’s madness are unfounded. Thanks,” Her part was done; she could do nothing at this point, and it was in the Trackers hands.

 

-Lei

[Wolfsbane]

“The sooner Janna hears, the better, since we don’t know if the stories of this girl’s madness are unfounded. Thanks,”

 

He bid Leila a smile as she left, the warmth failed to reach his eyes but he couldn’t care whether it did or not. The story the Watcher Leader had spun for him had unnerved him and settled a burr between his shoulder blades, he twitched his muscles trying to move the annoyance despite the fact he knew it was all in his head. His mind spun as the swirling thoughts and process buzzed, he lowered his hand onto the main room table to stable him, before feeling a soft bit of fur and a hard sharp connected by a leather cord beneath his coarse hand. His hand slid across the soft bit of fur, along the rough and smooth yellowed canine; lifting the two talismans by the thong joining them, Erik felt a calm and quiet come to him.

A Wanderer… Well then they must be helped.

Janna might be gone… Then she is gone, and I am here. I am a Tracker again, no use thinking I’m not.

Could be as mad as a male channeller… Then it is the Wolfkin’s responsibility to take care of her and do what must be done to protect the pack.

 

Lowering the cord over his head, tightening it to fit, Erik felt an eagerness begin to bubble up inside of him, clouding over but not quite forgetting the urgency of finding the Wanderer. Merely, Erik thought of being outside again, running through open trees and away from all traces of two-legs again.

It was on the table the entire time, wool-head, don’t forget that.

 

Still smiling he hefted his cloak and opened the door, breathing in a fresh breeze that carried the smell of bark and grass dew, a new day; Erik closed the door behind himself and began making his way towards the only person for sure that would know where his brave and fearless Tracker Leader would be.

 

“He can eat stone, they say, while others think he’s made of it.

His bones and teeth are made of steel, so say those he has bit.

Eyes of stone, heart of fire, he slays the Trollocs and Fades.

Saves the day, gets the girl. Walks through a forest of blades

To get where he’s going, untouched, unbruised. Why he’s our very own,

The fearless, the brave, none other than our Ranger, Sir Owen.”

 

Strange… He hadn’t sung that tune in some time…

 

“Can kill the Dark One with a single look, he’s the Big Guy.

It’s Owen to the rescue. Don’t fret… Watch the lasses all sigh.”

 

Night’s howl cackled in his corner, pushing against the restraints, testing his strength, watching Erik from within his mind.

She’s mad, Hammar. Will you do what must be done, two-leg? Do to this female what you did to that cub, among the fire and teeth, when the rankness gripped him too?

It smiled.

Erik stopped singing.

 

 

-Erik

[WhiteWolf]

It was a clear, sunny day and Owen and Mike were sat outside Owen’s tree house, Owen playing his flute and Mika singing along. Ever since Iris had disappeared Owen had had a lot of time on his hands and one of the things that had helped cope with the emptiness was practicing his flute playing, he now thought he had improved and was possibly the second worse flute player in this land. Actually he was far better than that, but he was always his worst critic. Mika’s voice, while not strong, complimented his playing and the two of them had found solace in their work together. He r voice carried the melody well, and the lyrics were personal to them both, especially the chorus

 

The original fire has died and gone

But the riot inside lives on and on

With a sword in hand

Making a stand

 

Just as Mike finished the chorus, Owen stopped playing, he had heard someone approaching, sensed a familiar scent, and was just about to mention it, when he noticed Mika was aware of the persons approach. Both knew who it was, and Owen actually smiled at the thought of Erik joining them, it was most unusual for him to make his way out to Owen’s house, even though the two of them were good friends. Erik was a Tracker and they spent a lot of time away from the Stedding and Owen had not seen him since they had returned from the North, just thinking about that made Owen’s leg begin to ache and he started to massage it. “The wound again Owen?”

 

Owen sighed before replying. “Although the medics at the Citadel and our own Sages worked hard on this, it still aches every now and again.

 

“It is not surprising Owen, that arrow went deep and was not removed quickly enough. You are lucky that it did not fester, that would have meant the death of you.”

 

Before Owen could respond, Erik’s head appeared through the opening in the floor of the veranda, his usual mischievous smile in place. “Was that the sound of your flute I heard Owen, and Mika your singing is coming along in leaps and bounds.” The grin broadened on his face, and for a fleeting moment, Owen wondered what would happen if he clonked Erik on the head with his flute.

 

More than likely ruin a good flute

 

“You know it was Erik, and unless you want me to have Ice sit on you again, I suggest you keep a civil tongue, or I could have Mika force feed you some of her cooking.” Owen deftly avoided the blow Mika swung at him. Grinning at her, Owen helped Erik climb the last bit onto the veranda and then asked him why he had blessed them with his presence. Sitting down on the wooded floor, and accepting the drink Mika offered him, Erik took a couple of sips before talking then told Mika and Owen about the news Leila had told him earlier. “I need to find Janna and let her know, but do not know where she is, do you have any idea?”

 

Owen grinned at Erik, knowing full well where Janna would be, it was where she spent more time than almost anywhere else. “I take it you checked the Infirmary, she is usually there if she is not at home. I take it you did check her home before coming here?” The response Owen got to his question was not quite what he expected, a slight reddening of the cheeks, and then Erik slapped his hand to his forehead. “I did not think to check there, I only thought of finding you as you usually know where people are.” This response did not quite ring true to Owen and he looked over at Mika and raised an eyebrow, there was more going on here than. “I’ll tell you what Erik, we can both go and look for Janna, I am sure she will be at the Infirmary and then we can both hear what she wants us to do about this, it sounds to me like I will need to accompany one or both of you on this.”

 

Owen went into his house and placed his flute inside its case, then picked up his sword belt, checking that his sword and dagger were both secure in their scabbards. Stepping outside, Owen told Mika to stay as long as she wanted and he would try and get back as soon as he could, obviously he would need to get supplies if he was going on any sort of journey, but for now that was not decided.

 

Once they reached the ground, Owen took a moment to work the stiffness out of his leg, and while doing so asked Erik a question that caused his friend to almost seem to fold in on himself. “So Erik, how long have you been smitten with Janna?” Smiling at his friends discomfort, Owen started walking towards the Infirmary, then stopped and went back to get Erik. “Come on Erik it is not that bad you know.” The sound of Owen’s laughter floated up to Mika and a smile briefly appeared on her face, pleased that her friend could laugh after all the recent events he had been through.

 

Owen

 

The WhiteWolf

 

Ranger Leader

[Wolfsbane]

“Come on Erik it is not that bad you know.”

 

Smitten? Smitten?!

Owen most likely knew Erik better than himself, probably just from watching him with his sword, the man was a good friend and was most likely the deciding factor in him remaining in the Stedding. Most likely? Who else is here for him?

His friend's words had put doubt in his mind now.. And he was enjoying it as much as Leila had. He felt something seemed so open about himself when compared to the others.. No mystery.. No question of who he is..

No. That was before I left. Owen may still know Erik Hammar, but I'm not the same. I may not know myself truly, but my heart, I know who that is left for.

 

"If only it was that easy to find another she, Owen. I don't have a flute to impress the women and woo them onto my veranda," he could smile at that, but it faded, "but my heart is still for Gena."

Something shivvered behind his companion's eyes and they shared a sober moment.

 

He knew.

 

Erik could remember Iris, fleetingly, grainy memories, but she was always with Owen. How long do we mourn? Am I to fall in love again, Owen? So soon.. It's always so soon. When am I holding onto a memory, onto the Dream, and not the real? He was as likely to voice such questions as sit down and ask Owen whether he knew what it meant that he could hear a voice in his mind, that it would talk with him, hate him, challenge him for control.

"As... long as it did last Owen.. I cannot look at another woman the same.. Though I have to say, not bad. Tracker Leader... You have good taste, I won't dismiss that." He scratched at the stubble beneath his chin, the grin smiling back at his friend as they made their way to the Infirmary. "I've seen a few unfamiliar lovely faces on my walks. Hmm.. Have to keep our options open, fearless leader, being bachelors, and all."

 

"A clever ruse Erik, I won't dismiss that. Now tell me, how long have you been smitten with Janna?"

Erik's hand caught only air as Owen ducked it and there was that grin he enjoyed flashing every so often now.

See how he grins with no teeth.

"I suppose it's no use trying to grab your ears, Friend," he growled the last word, "what with the women in your life, I'd wager they'd have been ripped off by now if it was at all possible."

 

"Come now Erik.. Now if Janna really is in the Infirmary, you wouldn't want to waste perfectly decent time romancing her out here giving me more reasons to sick Ice on you." His laughter resounded around the trees; Erik fought the urge to let his shoulders cave in.

 

Maybe it would be better that Owen thought he was smitten- burn him for saying smitten though- with Janna.. He may not see so deep into his heart then.

Do I know my heart as well as I think I do?

 

Gena.. Janna..

L...

Erik shook his head and broke into a quick jog, Owen matching it smoothly as if the ache in his leg existed somewhere else- Erik remembered the arrow head in his friend's leg, how he had gotten it.. The toll it had almost been.

"Then let's not waste that time then Friend. Think I should wear a flower in my hair or go change into my Bel Tine best to see her? I may need some of your hallowed advice. Do you tackle them or get Ice to do it for you, or do you just play your flute 'til they give up and submit?"

 

He whistled an awful tune as they moved, fingers clumsily playing an air-flute before him, as he butchered the song 'Three Tinkers in the Shed.'

 

His heart was for Gena.

Wherever she was.

He hoped it was.

It near broke his heart again to think of forgetting her for another.

 

 

-Erik

[WhiteWolf]

“It’s not as easy as you make out Erik, I have lost more than perhaps you will ever know when it comes to women.” Owen did not blame Erik for his flippant comment, although the two were friends, Erik had been away for a long time and did not yet know about Iris, and Owen had never revealed the truth about his relationship to him with Ehlana either, losing the last member of your family was never easy, and even now Owen did not like to dwell on it. I will say this though, I would rather have them around than not, even though the pain of their deaths bring such sorrow that it can over whelm a person, bring them to the edge of despair and even drive them over.”

 

Skirting the issue was not right, how could you call anyone friend and not tell them about something like the loss of your sister, the last family member you had. Owen pondered this as they jogged towards the Infirmary. Suddenly he came to a decision and stopped running. It took Eric a moment to realise Owen was no longer with him and then the young Tracker came to a halt and turned to look back. Seeing the look on Owen’s face Erik grew concerned, but he knew Owen well enough that he thought he could help and possibly even had a right to know what had caused that expression to suddenly appear, like a thunder cloud in a bright blue sky. “One of these days you are going to have to explain how you change your moods like that Owen.” Erik meant it in jest, and Owen knew this, but there were things that needed explaining and Owen decided now was as good a time as any, and Erik deserved to know.

 

“Only a very select few know this Erik, and I would like it if it stayed that way. Although this can no longer be used against me, it is not something that I want bandied about.”

 

For once, Erik realised that Owen was deadly serious, more so perhaps than he had been in a long time. Nodding his yeah he walked back to where Owen stood in the middle of the trail. “You know you can trust me Owen, It may seem like I do not take things seriously a lot of the time, but that is just my way.”

 

“You never met Ehlana did you? It seems such a long time ago that I cannot remember if you did or not. Anyways most of our kin knew I spent a lot of time with the Band, and most assumed there was some romantic liaison between us, but that was further from the truth than Mika being a good cook.” There was no humour in his voice as he said that, and to someone who did not know Owen, it would have sounded like there never would be.” She was my sister, the last surviving member of my family. That would be reason enough to spend time with her, but we never knew about each other until one fateful day, just before I went through the Howling. We met up in a small village, she was with one of the Band’s Commanders and they were out riding through the same village I was working in. We were attacked by some locals who thought they could sell our gear and one thing led to another and I got knocked out in the fight. Ehlana and Lilli took me back to the Band’s camp to get the wound looked at. Well, while we were there, Lilli noticed a similarity in my features and Ehlana’s.”

 

Erik burst out laughing at this, and Owen had to smile as well, it was not like you could not considering that Owen was an Albino and Ehlana was not. Owen cuffed Erik on the shoulder, not in anger; it was a gesture between friends. “I do not mean like that you wool headed ninny. It may sound strange now, but if you had seen us together you would have realised, just like Lilli did. Anyway, Ehlana and I got talking and we found some things out that made us both realise that we came from the same region of the Borderlands. One day, after I had returned to her after the Howling, we went to find out if our suspicions were true. Ehlana’s old nurse confirmed our suspicions, but also told us something else which was even stranger, we were not just brother and sister but twins as well.” This time there was no smile from Erik, he had realised the importance of what Owen was telling him and waited for him to continue. “This next part no one knows, no one at all. We shared a bond the nature of which allowed us to know where the other was and how they were feeling. Can you imagine what it was like losing her, and knowing the exact moment that she died?.” Owen’s voice had sunk to a whisper, and the words came out almost as if they had been dragged out. Even though it had been some time now since this event, it still hurt him to talk about her. “I lost more than you can ever know that day, my friend, I not only lost my sister, I lost part of me, and it is a part that I can never get back, and at times it feels so bad that I wish it had been me and not her.”

 

There it was out, he had told all he had to tell, well not all, but the rest was something Owen could never bring himself to tell anyone, the guilt he felt over her death, how he had not been able to protect her, was something that no one had a right to know, no matter how good a friend they were. After a moments awkward silence Owen motioned for them to continue on their way, his own personal demons were not as important as the present needs of this Wanderer they had to find.

 

Owen

 

The WhiteWolf

 

Ranger Leader

[Wolfsbane]

"I lost more than you can ever know that day, my friend, I not only lost my sister, I lost part of me, and it is a part that I can never get back, and at times it feels so bad that I wish it had been me and not her.”

 

Owen motioned and they continued on, Erik torn between holding a solemn silence and giving his friend some time or to confess his own. Owen smelled disappointed, and guarded.. The silence stretched as Erik felt the light stitch work of his pockets, finger tracing the thread, as he thought of something—ANYTHING— to say.

The Infirmary was before them and Erik stopped himself, eyes locked on the ground in front of them. Owen stopped too, he could hear Owen's hair move through the air as he turned to look back at him, sense the question as it began to move off his friend’s tongue.

 

“Owen… Have you ever… Heard things?” The question was nonsensical, he knew it, too vague to mean anything, but Owen just watched him now, waiting, not asking. Erik didn’t think he would be able to start again if he stopped now.

“Have you ever heard something… A voice… That isn’t there?... Feel like I’m going mad sometimes… Doubting my own sanity… And here I am going off to save a Wanderer who herself may be crazed and…” Breathe. He needs to breathe.

“He talks to me, and I to him… In my head… A voice, a personality, like myself but, it’s the Beast. It’s what I’ve told myself since I started hearing him, it’s what everyone deals with… But no one says they talk with it, no one says the Beast challenges them, laughs at them, bringing up the worst memories...” Breathing is good. Owen watched him, but Erik could hardly lift his eyes more than an instant before settling on his friend’s shadow again.

 

“Night’s Howl… I named him that, because that’s what the wolves named me… I… I need to know I’m not insane, that I’m not like those bloody male channellers that broke the World… That this is something to do with me losing Gena… That what I feel for Leila is just some emotional attachment, some hangup I’ve built because I’ve lost my—”

 

Maybe that was too much.

 

“Just… just… I need to know Owen. I need to know before I go back into the wilderness again if it’s best for me to just stay out there again and to never return… I can’t go feral, I just can’t- I’ve seen what it does, how it makes you act- I can’t. Nor will I stay here and jeopardize what you have built up here. Just…”

 

So hard to say.

 

How do you ask a friend that? But there was a reason he was talking to Owen about it, not any other Kin, not even the Trackers who were his closest of family. Owen would tell him, wouldn’t line a rock in gilt to make him feel better, he’d tell him as it is.

 

“Am I crazy Owen? Like those men who use the Power? Will I become ultimately like them?”

[WhiteWolf]

Erik’s question startled Owen, it was not so much the content of the question but more that it came on top of Owen’s thoughts about his sister and it jarred him out of his melancholy. “I cannot say I have Erik, not in the way you mention. Ehlana and I could not talk like that if that is what you mean, we could only sense each others presence and feelings, the closer we were the stronger they were. But I do not think it would do you any good to leave the Stedding and the company of your family, for all we know that could be exactly what this voice wants.”

 

Erik’s confession sounded disturbingly similar to something Owen had felt in himself occasionally, usually at times of great stress, but then it had not been a voice speaking, more like a distant presence in his mind, one that if he tried to focus on slipped away like early morning mist. “Are you sure it is not one of the Wolves trying to communicate with you? I know at times they can be intrusive and very demanding when they what something. I often feel that no matter how long it has been since we went through the Howling that they still see us as their children, perhaps what you speak if is only that?”

 

Before Erik could reply a Wanderer exited the infirmary and greeted both of them and Owen took the opportunity to ask to run an errand for him. “I need you to go find Burrich, he will more than likely be at the Rangers Barracks, tell him to meet me at the Stables, and to bring supplies for four, as well as my saddle bags from my office. If he needs help carrying all of that, please give him some assistance as we have a difficult task ahead of us and it will do him good to be part of it.”

 

The Wanderer set off towards the Barracks and Owen turned back to his troubled friend. “We have some time before Burrich will arrive, so lets collect Janna and make our way to the Stables, but first does my explanation for your problem sound at all plausible?”

 

Owen

 

The WhiteWolf

 

Ranger Leader

[Wolfsbane]

“-But first does my explanation for your problem sound at all plausible?”

 

You're alone.

You're like those men who abuse the Power and crumble the Earth.

If Owen didn't know what he was talking about.. Didn't even give a hint he knew what Erik was confessing..

 

"What? Oh, you know Owen I guess so. Just been my mind playing tricks on me when I'm under pressure.. It's been hard to relax since coming back- just always expecting a knife in my side or a blackjack to my head... I don't want to leave the Stedding, and I have no intention to beyond retrieving Wanderers.. Pretend I didn't say anything..

His eyes held Owen's for a moment to reassure him he was being genuine.

"But I am sorry about your sister, Wolfbrother. Truly. Burying your family feels wrong enough that my hackles shake.. Come, Janna is waiting on us.." His smile was practiced and the glint in his eye believable. The scent rolling off of him was that of embarrassment and sudden eagerness.. The shame and concern were pulled in and suppressed.. Even away from the Stedding he had practiced controlling his scent around two-legs and by himself.

 

I am by myself.

 

Fooling myself, thinking he could help me. Least I know now. Least I know how I must deal with it.

Always alone now, Hammar. Runner is slain. You cannot replace her.

 

He smiled back at a still concerned looking Owen as they trotted up to the Infirmary door, well, concerned looking for Owen.

"Come on Owen, that Wanderer isn't going to Track and save herself. That's what we're for. Heroes of legend, Erik the Mighty and Owen the White." Owen's eyebrow twitched a hair, Erik near choked at the show of emotion. "Or we could switch... Though.. Think Janna has any chalk or baking powder?"

 

"No, but I do have talcum powder, Erik. And if you're being insolent to your Elders again, we may have to put you back in swaddling until you can behave."

 

Erik smiled up at Janna standing in the Infirmary door. She watched both of them calmly, leaning against the frame, not a bit of tire in her eyes nor disrepair to her hair.

"Today just doesn't seem to be my day at all.. Good morning fearless leader. I- We have news."

[Asfaloth]

Burrich was sitting in the common room of the Rangers Barracks playing a game of cards with three other Rangers when a Wanderer he hadn't met yet came in looking for him. Having delivered Owen's message the young man ran back out. The others laughed at the reaction typical of those who hadn't gotten to know Burrich yet but the giant just shook his head sadly and ran out to try to catch the boy. By the time he got to the door the boy was dissapearing around the corner of another building. Burrich just sighed and turned to collect the things Owen had asked for.

 

First he went to the Ranger Leader's office and found the bags Owen kept packed and ready for easy access. Then he made his way to the inn and to his room on the second floor. He had his own pre-packed saddlebags Owen had taught him to make as part of his Ranger training. He threw it on the bed along with Owen's and opened his clothes chest. If he was to be traveling he wanted to be comfortable so he changed into his black riding leathers and tied on a dark blue leather vest. He strapped his belt around his waist, an axe hanging on each hip, and strapped on the special harness for himself. The harness held his battle-axe with the handle sticking up above his left shoulder and a quiver full of arrows balancing it on the right side. It had taken some work to make a harness that would hold what he needed it to without being obtrusive while walking or riding.

 

Slinging the saddlebags over his shoulder he took his unstrung Two Rivers longbow, large enough to use as a walking staff, and walked out the door, locking it behind him. He had one last stop before heading to the stables. He headed down to the basement and gathered enough food, water, and other neccessities for four. Owen hadn't said how long they'd be gone so he only gathered enough for a week, thinking they could hunt if they ran out. He put all the supplies he'd gathered and the two saddlebags in an oversized crate and carried it to the stable.

 

He made it there before Owen so he saddled Midnight and stood waiting. Not sure who else was coming he held off saddling any other horses. Instead he leaned against the railing of the paddock and scratched Storm's ears while he waited for the rest of the party.