Broken and Bleeding

[Jaydena]

Lyssa sobbed and pushed the hair from her eyes, Light is it ever worth it anymore, everything she had ever loved was gone, everything she had ever dreamed of didn't work out. My mother hates me, I came here to be one of the great Aes Sedai and then I disappointed her by not being able to channel. Then I lost Solin, Blood and Blood Ashes, my own brother became a darkfriend. She grabbed a lathe from the stand and began pushing herself into the forms, harder than she ever had. It was pouring down rain and the yard was slick with mud, she was the only person out, save those on guard duty on the walls. My mother hates me, she won't be my Aes Sedai, I am going to die a worthless Tower Guard who no one will bond. I can't even tell anyone she is my mother, she's an important person in the Tower, and Light Forbid she should ever have to deal with what she had done.

 

She lunged toward one of the practice dummies and sobbed harder, her tears mixing with the rain. Ripping a dagger from her belt she began to stab the dummy, screaming in rage, each scream of rage in time with a stab. No one loves me, no one cares for me, I have no one, I am totally alone. Every person I love leaves me or ignores me. Not man wants to be with me, no man wants to love me, I am not loveable, I must have more of my father in my than I thought. My own mother dosen't love me. Her feet slide sideways in the mud as she mad another lunge across the ground at the dummy, she slide across the lathe that lay forgotten on the ground and as she fell it broke beneath her, slicing her thigh open from thigh to knee. She could feel the blood welling and running down her leg but she didn't care. Surging to her feet she kicked the lathe out of her way and began working on a new form she was trying to do, she didn't care if she died from bleeding to death. In the void she felt nothing, the pain was no more, the tears lay drying on her cheeks, her eyes were red and swollen but she didn't notice that, just the ripped and stabbed dummy in front of her...

 

Lyssa Simeone

[Andular]

Andular pulled his cloak up as he emerged from the White Tower and began walking towards his office. Rain fell in sheets across the yards turning the hard packed earth into field of mud.

Cursing the foul weather he focused his thoughts back to his conversation with Tia about the trolloc activity along the blight border. The woman could be so vexing at times he took all of his training not to let his frustration boil over.

 

Hurrying through the empty training yards the Grand Master stopped when he noticed someone off to the side on the ground. Curious he stopped for a moment unsure of what he was watching. A young woman, Lyssa he believed, lay in the mud sobbing. As he watched she pushed herself to her feet and attacked a practice dummy. The rain washed blood down her leg as she struck out at the dummy in anger, her emotions clearly driving her rage and frustration.

 

Andular felt a moment of pity then immediately hardened himself. The youngest trainee was taught to hold their emotions in check. He had no idea what had upset the woman so much but at this moment he felt a firm hand was needed.

Striding over to where Lyssa struggled with her emotions and the dummy he stopped a few feet from her a cleared his voice.

 

Startled Lyssa turned when she became aware of his presence and quickly tried to mask her emotions.

 

“You will accompany me to my office please.â€

 

This was a statement not a request and without waiting for a response Andular walked toward the building that housed his office.

Pushing the large oak doors open he entered aware of Lyssa following behind. Pleased that the fire had been lit as he had instructed he stripped off his cloak and hung it on the hook so it could dry.

 

“Warm yourself by the fire.†He instructed as he walked to his desk and poured them both a small glass of Brandy from a crystal decanter. The fire cast long shadows across his office and Andular handed Lyssa the brandy while studying her for a moment.

 

“I would like you to tell me what you were doing out there. What could have shaken someone trained to be a Warder to display herself in such a manner?â€

 

OOC: I know she won’t tell him but He will be a hard ass at first then lighten up Tia has agreed to help us too so after a bit he will take her to her.

[Jaydena]

She continued to pound on the dummy, her dager ripping into it, the dagger fell to the ground and she kicked it aside. Getting into an attack position she began beating the thing with her fists, her fists weren't protected so by the time she realized what she was doing her hands were cut and bleeding from the poking straw. Going for a kick to it's head instead of using her bloody fists again she felt the ground give again and hit the mud hard, her leg ached and she wanted to just lay there in the mud and rain. Sobbing until her chest caved with it she brought herself to her feet again and began kicking the dummy. A voice cleared behind her, she hadn't ever heard anyone approach her. She hadn't expected anyone to be out on a night like this, light who was it. Spinning around she saw the worst possible person she could have seen. A grandmaster. Light at least it's not my mother. Lowering her head in shame before she raised her chin and adopted her mask within the void, she watched as he strode over to her and the dummy, he cleared his throat again and then spoke, “You will accompany me to my office please.â€

 

He turned away and she shook her head at his back, she quickly picked up her dagger and the lathe that she had broken. She drug the practive dummy away and added them both to the pile of things to be burned. When she was done she squared her shoulders and walked to his office, she knocked on one of the doors and then let herself in, “Warm yourself by the fire.†Lyssa blinked, for she had expected him to immediately launch into his lecture on Tower Guard decorum and setting an example. She nodded and shrugging her shoulders walked over to warm her hands over the fire, the blood was draining down her leg, and she worried about getting blood on his carpet. Behind her she heard the sound of liquid splashing into glass. He walked over to stand next to her and handed her a glass full of brandy, she bowed her head in thanks but didn't drink it. She was Path of Perfection and drank no spirits of any kind. Oh what does it matter, I can have a small amount and still be ok, she took a drink and waited for him to speak, after all he was the one who had approached her.

 

“I would like you to tell me what you were doing out there. What could have shaken someone trained to be a Warder to display herself in such a manner?†Lyssa regarded him for a moment and then spoke, "My brother was a darkfriend, he tried to kill our aunt and then she killed him. He was my twin brother, I assume whatever I say to is in confidence." When he nodded she continued, "I lost my brother, he was the closest person to me, and then I insulted my aunt and now she hates me. I wanted to someday be worthy of being her gaidin and now I have lost everything. I will die of old age before she ever bonds someone again. I am not worthy of her and what is more she hates me." She looked deeply into the fire and blew out a deep breath...

 

Lyssa Simeone

[Andular]

Sipping his brandy Andular listened as Lyssa spoke of the things that had tormented her. The anguish in the young woman’s voice was obvious and so he let her vent remaining silent. When she had finished silence hung in the air, the sound of the fire crackling as the big Warder considered the tale for a moment.

 

Refilling his cup he did not offer Lyssa anymore aware that she had barely touched hers.

“Life deals us realities that sometimes do not match our expectations of those we wish. I cannot stress to you Lyssa how much pain your commitment to the White Tower will cause you in your life.â€

Lyssa raised her head slightly as he spoke.

“You have faced heart ache and rejection I can well see. However you must harden yourself from those things that would minimize your duty. I do not begin to understand what you are feeling Lyssa and the only suggestion I can give you is to grieve in private.â€

 

The look in Lyssa’s eyes told him this was not helping but Andular had already considered something else. He knew he was not empathetic enough to help her but thought he knew who could. Feeling Tiassale through the bond he could tell she was alone in thought. Tia would know the right words to help this young woman, far more than a hardened man such as himself.

 

“I would like you to come with me to the White Tower there is someone I think can help you.†Lyssa looked startled for a moment and Andular gave her a reassuring smile.

 

“My bonded Tiassale Sedai is wise beyond her years and you would do well to speak with her.†Picking his damp cloak of the hook he settled it about his shoulders noting that Lyssa seemed reluctant. After a moments pause Lyssa stood and nodded and Andular led them out into the raid toward the White Tower.

 

OOC: Go ahead and rp us up to Tia’s room and knocking she can take it from there.

[Jaydena]

Lyssa watched him, her eyes alert for everything that was going on. She had learned at an early age to watch peoples emotions. After all she lived in a middle state all the time, her Mother was an Aes Sedai and she knew that her aunt could have kicked her out at any time. Lys shook her head and watched as Andular filled his glass again. “Life deals us realities that sometimes do not match our expectations of those we wish. I cannot stress to you Lyssa how much pain your commitment to the White Tower will cause you in your life.†She nearly snorted, if he had any idea the amount of pain the White Tower had already caused her he would fall on the floor. Of course she couldn't tell him those secrets, she couldn't tell him that she had been left by her own mother, that she had grown up motherless because of her mother, her brother had been able to channel and had been turned because their own mother had played a hand in he's being gentled.

 

She raised her head, her eyes filled with pain and passion as she struggled to hide again inside the Void. “You have faced heart ache and rejection I can well see. However you must harden yourself from those things that would minimize your duty. I do not begin to understand what you are feeling Lyssa and the only suggestion I can give you is to grieve in private.†She nodded, she understood yet his words were not helping her, the pain was still there. The sense of utter failure and disallusion, she wanted to be bonded to Sirayn. She wanted her brother back, alive, whole, untainted by the evil blood of their rapist father. “I would like you to come with me to the White Tower there is someone I think can help you.†Lys blinked her thoughts trying to process what it was he was telling her, how had he gone from telling her off for forgetting her duties to taking her to the Tower.

 

“My bonded Tiassale Sedai is wise beyond her years and you would do well to speak with her.†Lyssa eyed him and then followed him from the room. Wondering why she would be going to talk to Tiassale, she had never even met this woman, she didn't know what ajah she was or anything about her. Of course she really hadn't had a whole lot of contact with any of the Aes Sedai, she mostly stayed in her corner and trained to be a gaidin, so she could be bonded to Sirayn and protect her with her life. She shooked her head and the hopelessness of it all and followed him as he led her out of the barracks and up into the Tower. Soon they reached a somewhere she recognized, the Green Ajah quarters. He led her to one of the rooms and knocked before leading her into the room...

 

Lyssa Simeone

[Guest Allisa]

Irritably Tia rubbed at her temples, struggling to relieve a bit of pressure behind her eyes as she leaned forward and focused once again on the manuscript in front of her. The words before her blurred again and she stood abruptly, muttering an oath as she slammed the text shut. Immediately she felt contrite and smoothed the edges of the already tattered scroll.

 

The Brown Sisters will have my hide, she thought regretfully and paced towards the window. The day was dreary, grey and cold. She knew last nights rain had helped shaped her foul mood, her Talent surfaced at the most inopportune moments.

 

She could seek out a Yellow to help soothe the pain, or even a fellow Green Sister but her pride forbade it. Restlessly she stalked the confines of her study, adeptly avoiding the stacks of books she’d organized. As the door opened she felt her ire rise again.

 

“Ah….my faithful Gaidin reappears,,,,good. I need some of these manuscripts returned to the Library.”

 

The sharp words dried in her mouth as she realized they were not alone. Tiassale tipped her head as she studied the hovering behind Andular, something about her seemed familiar.

 

Clearing her throat she shot Andular a look and smiled, “Good morning, I apologize for my manners.” Her gaze intent she stepped forward offering her hand, “Have we met, child?”

 

Tiassale Morobin

Battle Sister

Bonded to Andular Rojvas

[Jaydena]

A woman paced back and forth as they entered the room, Lys had seen her before but she didn't know her name or what position in the Green Ajah she help. Obviously she was Andular's bonded but she didn't know all the names of the bonded Greens. “Ah….my faithful Gaidin reappears,,,,good. I need some of these manuscripts returned to the Library.” Lyssa stepped back and behind Andular, she didn't want to be in a fight between an Aes Sedai and her Gaidin, this woman appeared to be upset and tense. Lys could feel it just radiating off of her, the Aes Sedai had been rubbing her temples when she walked in and she also had worry lines on her forehead. The Aes Sedai seemed to notice her standing behind Andular, she craned her head around a little and then cleared her throat.

 

“Good morning, I apologize for my manners.” The Aes Sedai stepped foreward, her case very intense as she held her hand out. Lyssa stepped forward and gulped, the dawn was just cresting of the horizon and they were standing her bothering this woman who could kill every one of them. A part of her feared that the woman would recognize who she looked like, but then that had been explained away but the aunt to niece relationship. Still she was always afraid that someone would figure it out. She took the woman's and and shook it, careful not to squeeze to hard, she didn't want to injure an Aes Sedai, “Have we met, child?” She smiled, hoping that she didn't have mud all over her face or teartracks down her face and the replied, "My name is Lyssa Simeone Aes Sedai, I am a Tower Guard so you may have seen me before." She curtsied low and then gained her feet, waiting to find out who she was speaking too...

 

Lyssa Simeone

[Andular]

Andular sighed at Tia’s request. He swore the woman sent him on these errands because she knew he did not like them. Still he could feel her love through the bond and that warmed him. After the introductions had been made the big Warder bowed. “I will go get the things you need so you two can talk.”

 

Leaving the room he walked slowly down the halls with a half smile on his face. The young woman would find Tia to be caring but tough and he hoped she did not end up chastised by the Aes Sedai.

 

 

OOC: short but not much else Andy can do ;) take it away Tia

[Guest Allisa]

Simeone.

 

For the first time in many years Tiassale was speechless. She’d heard the girl was here of course, but she’d really paid the rumors about her little notice. Rumors in the White Tower were as sneaky and slippery as a Fade and Tiassale had learned long ago most were pure rubbish, especially those heard from Novices or Accepted. As Andular retreated from the room she barely noticed, so intent was she on the young woman before her. Abruptly she noticed the tear streaked cheeks, hastily scrubbed but still apparent, and the reddened eyes. The poor thing, what a hard road to travel, to be of Sirayn’s blood.

 

“My dear child, please sit, here close to the fire.” The fireplace, empty and cold but a moment before suddenly burst into flame. Tiassale jumped slightly, she really was startled if she could loose control of such a simple weave so easily. The fire abated a bit and she led Lyssa to her favorite chair, overstuffed and a bit worn but infinitely comfortable. She herself took the straightbacked wooden chair Andular used and adjusted her skirts around her.

 

A cold tea tray from earlier in the morning floated across the room and settled on a table between them. Calming herself, Tia warmed the buns and pot, pouring for both of them. “Honey?”

 

Lyssa nodded hesitantly and Tiassale added a few dollops of the rich golden syrup before handing the Tower Guard her cup. Wriggling her hips Tia sat back with her own cup and saucer and tried to get comfortable. How under the Light does Andular stand this chair? She made a mental note to purchase something more padded for him in the future.

 

As they quietly sipped their tea the two women studied one another covertly from beneath their lashes, both aware of what the other was doing. But why would Andular bring me Sirayn Simeone’s neice? She shifted a bit in her chair, cup rattling against its saucer. Was he perhaps hinting that he wanted a brother or rather sister Gaidin? Surely he would have told her? Though she had been very short with him in the past few days, the spring rains had brought more than one troublesome ache to her. But at the moment that pain was forgotten as she studied the young woman before her. Her Gaidin was not a political creature, in fact politics bored him. He was more of a man of action, not the subtle moves The Great Game demanded. So why?

 

“You must know I was once a confidant of your Aunt, Lyssa. But I feel compelled to tell you that is no longer the case.” She and Sirayn had grown apart years ago, though they still held a healthy respect for one another. “I’m not quite certain why Andular brought you to me. But….if there’s anything I can do to help….”

 

As Lyssa paused Tiassale stood up abruptly and began to pace, saucer and cup still in hand, “Perhaps a Yellow is better suited to this task? I know several who would keep your confidence or…perhaps a White? Their logic can sometimes....”

 

The words trailed away when the Tower Guard said nothing and Tia sighed and set her cup and saucer on her desk. She recognized the defeat and hopelessness in the girl’s posture. How often as a Novice (and even Accepted and Aes Sedai) had she herself felt the same way? Especially after a meeting with the legendary Sirayn.

 

Kneeling before Lyssa Tiassale placed both hands over the girls, “I will help you in any way I can. You only need say what you need, dear.”

 

Tiassale Morobin

Battle Sister

Bonded to Andular Rojvas

[Jaydena]

Lyssa looked silently at the blond Aes Sedai and refused to wipe the tear marks from her face, she wouldn’t be weak or show she regretted her outburst. It was something that she needed to do, they all needed to vent or they exploded and that’s what she had done. She had held it in for to long and it had started to get to her. This was a lesson for her and she would remember it well. “My dear child, please sit, here close to the fire.” Lyssa nodded and walked toward the fireplace, she hadn’t had much contact with Aes Sedai and this one seemed very kind. The fireplace was empty but flames suddenly burst into place, Lyssa almost jumped backward, you would think she would be used to these things as long as she had been at the Tower but she really didn’t interact with Aes Sedai very much. The Aes Sedai led her to a thick stuffed chair that looked very comfortable and Lyssa waited for the Aes Sedai to sit down before she did. A tea tray floated across the room at them and what looked like it was cold was soon steaming with warmth. Lyssa could see the weaves but she shook her head at the sheer marvel of it all, though she had come here wanting to channel, she wondered if she had really known what she would have been getting into, “Honey?”

 

She nodded at Tiassale Sedai and the woman added honey to her tea before handing it to her. The other woman seemed to wriggle in her chair by Lys was sure that she had missed that. Aes Sedai didn’t squirm did they? She couldn’t imagine her mother the icequeen doing anything of the sort. Looking down at her glass she looked at the Aes Sedai over the cup, the woman was very striking and intellegence seemed to radiate from her eyes. “You must know I was once a confidant of your Aunt, Lyssa. But I feel compelled to tell you that is no longer the case.” Lyssa blinked slowly at the other woman, she hadn’t known that they even knew each other, her mother didn’t speak to her of anything within the Tower, in fact her mother rarely spoke to her at all. “I’m not quite certain why Andular brought you to me. But….if there’s anything I can do to help….” Lyssa was quite started when the other woman jumped to her feet and began to pace back in forth as she thought out loud, “Perhaps a Yellow is better suited to this task? I know several who would keep your confidence or…perhaps a White? Their logic can sometimes....” She gazed silently at the Aes Sedai, she wasn’t one to interupt and Aes Sedai and the woman seemed to be on roll. Time passed and the other woman let out a sign and set her drink down. The woman regarded her and then came and knelt in front of her, Lyssa leaned back in shock, she wasn’t used to anyone being this close to her and was shocked that a powerful Aes Sedai would kneel in front of her. “I will help you in any way I can. You only need say what you need, dear.” Lyssa was so shocked that this woman would want to help her that she sat there just looking at for some time, when she finally regained her wits she began to speak softly, “I came to the Tower, hoping I could channel like my kin Sirayn Sedai, I was turned down and so I joined the Towers Elite training men and women. I decided that some day I would be bonded to my aunt. I so badly wanted to be close to her and to be her gaidar, I wanted to be the best gaidar that had every lived. Over time I have realized that my thoughts were nothing more than Illusions, something not real, just a dream.” She gulped and took another sip of her tea before she continued, “I can’t get close to my kin, it is impossible. I have hurt her time and again and the most recent the worse. I had a twin brother, he became evil and did horrible things, my aunt killed him. I blamed her and didn’t even wonder why she would feel the need to kill her own kin. I was horrible to her and she hates me now, if she ever did. I don’t think she will even want to be bonded to me and I feel like I have lost everything in the world, my brother, my aunt, and my dreams.” She blinked to stop the tears and looked back at the other woman, “I don’t think Aes Sedai that you or anyone else can help me with these things, they are in the hands of the Creator.”

 

Lyssa Simeone