Thorfinn The Deerstalkers Bio help?

[Thorfinn]

Hay folks i am just needing some help i've only read up till the Dragon Reborn and i am rerally wanting to join in the role playing preferable as a Freelander. So here we go my bio. It deffinetly needs beefing up but as i say it's just a starter?

 

 

 

 

Handle: Thorfinn

Character Name: Thorfinn Al'Sven

Email address: danstewart85@hotmail.com

Division: Freelanders

Age: 40

Gender: Male

Physical Description: 5' 10", Mousy Brown kept out of his eyes with a leather band, Brown eyes, wears a brown tunic belted at the waist, leggings tucked into his calf length boots. at his belt is a leather pouche with a wolf engraved on it and i simple but well kept hunting knife, at his left side is his broadsword 'Viper', He wears a long green fur lined cloak. On his back is a longbow made of yew and carved his a serpent, He rides a large Brown Dhurran Stallion called Mani which carrys his saddlebags and round shield.

Place of Birth/Raising: A cottage near Two Rivers (or somewhere like that) but didn't spend alot of time there

Character History: Thorfinn was born in Two Rivers, his father was a hunter and so taught him how to hunt since he could walk. Now with his father and mother dead he hunts in the area of two rivers selling his furs and meat to the local population. He has been known to travel further afield, to Sheinar to kill Carrion and spent a small time serving in The Queens of Andor's Guard. He has dealings with Trollocs and Fades and knows there is evil in the wolld outside Two Rivers. He is a man of action first and questions later and would never see a man in need of aid go without any.

 

I still need to beef this out i understand but this is just an outline then i'll fill it out even more.

 

Thorfinn

[Kael]

MOVED TO FREELANDERS BOARD:

 

Hey, moving this to the Freelander's board to get you some help about it

 

It's only people in charge of approving and crosschecking bios that post on the Bio board.

 

No worries though :D

[Wayfarer]

Cheers Drew :)

 

Hey Thorfinn, sorry I read this in PM awhile ago late one night, I meant to write back when I was more awake but forgot about it. Now, lets see.

 

Yeah, from reading it, the history looks like you've taken a few good things you've liked and put them in the one character. However, unlike some people who do all of this to their character and try to keep them sixteen, you've given yourself 40 years to do this in, which makes sense :)

 

The main questions that need to be answered by the history so far I think are these:

 

1. When/Why does the character choose to leave the Two Rivers? Because his parents died perhaps?

 

2. When does the character join the Queens Guard and why does he leave?

 

3. When/Why does he decide to hunt as far north as Shienar? Is it while he is in Shienar that he comes across Shadowspawn and how?

 

4. How do all of his experiences shape him? Unlike younger characters who are still forming, this one will be more 'shaped' due to his age.

 

 

Thats the basic stuff that comes to me at the moment. Sorry about the wait mate, that was my slackness. If you've got questions or another version to put up, put it here so that way if I do forget again, Winter or someone can give me a kick up the arse and remind me its here waiting :)

[Winter Mist]

I live to serve. :)

[Thorfinn]

Cheers James,

 

I've taken onboard everything you said and have been concocting more explanations as i know i really just put up the bear essentials.

 

I'll be back with an improved version soon

 

Thorfinn (the happy) Deerstalker

[Wayfarer]

Sweet, glad to be of help.

[Thorfinn]

Right here's the more beefy version, here we go

 

 

Handle: Thorfinn

 

Character Name: Thorfinn Al'Sven

 

Email address: danstewart85@hotmail.com

 

Division: Freelanders

 

Age: 40

 

Gender: Male

 

Physical Description: 5' 10", Mousy Brown kept out of his eyes with a leather band, Brown eyes, wears a brown tunic belted at the waist, leggings tucked into his calf length boots. at his belt is a leather pouche with a wolf engraved on it and i simple but well kept hunting knife, at his left side is his broadsword 'Viper', He wears a long green fur lined cloak. On his back is a longbow made of yew and carved his a serpent, He rides a large Brown Dhurran Stallion called Mani which carrys his saddlebags and round shield.

 

Place of Birth/Raising: A cottage in the forest near Two Rivers.

 

Character History: Thorfinn was born in Two Rivers, his father, Sven, was a hunter who wood hunt in the woods of near two rivers and would sell his furs and meats in two rivers. His mother,Hild, and father lived in a farm with a few sheep and goats mostly living off the game rather than the farm. When Thorfinn was old enough to hunt Sven taught him the tricks of the trade and most of all how to use a bow. When Thorfinn was nineteen here was called to serve the queen of Andors Guard during the Aiel Wars. His father how ever wasn't aloud to go as he was lame in his left leg. so Thorfinn marched with the People of Two Rivers to serve in the Aiel Wars. It was during his time he learnes to use shield and broad sword with quite some skill earning the right to serve in the persoaml guard.

Meanwhile back home romours had spread that Sven had made a pact with the Wolves and these roomers reached the ears of a troop of Whitecloaks heading through the area. On hearing this they marched out to Sven's Farm and found only SVen's wife and placed her under arrest. Sven returned to wittnes his wife being arrested and attacked the whitecloaks with bow and aventually spear trying to aid his wife. Sven was killed after killing 8 whitecloaks and injuring 3. Hild was taken of to the Questioners and never seen again.

Thorfinn had receaved a letter from the Wisdom at the time of Emond's Feild telling him of thedeath of his ftaher and capture of his mother and left the Royal guard and returned home to his families farm burned to the ground. Days later from returning to the farm would spread that Hilds mutialted body had been found along the road side to Caemlyn.

Thotfinn buried his mother at the remains of the farm and headed into the mountains and built himself a cabin and plied his trade in the Misty mountains only comin out to trade his furs and meat. Still to this day people still don't understand why Thorfinn isn't treatened by the local wolves. roomers spread but even Thorfinn doesn't understand, even from an early age he had been told not to fear the wolves by his Father.

Now 34, Thorfinn had heard of the Shienerian Lods paying people for killing Carrion and so Thirfinn headed East and made quite a name for himslelf it was whilst in Shienar that Thorfinn came along the Fades and Trollocks.

But soon Thorfinn felt home sick and headed West again back to the Mountains of Mist Living there in peace.....

 

It is said that Thorfinn is a very hardy man and would never see a man go without aid who needed it. And his cabin is welcome place to anyone who visits him. He every now again goes to Emond's feild to sell his meats and Furs to the locals and merchants who are there at the time.

 

 

There we go what do you think.

 

Thorfinn

[Wayfarer]

My initial thought is that if I ok'd the killing of eight whitecloaks by a single man, Kate would stab me repeatedly with a rock. No :P Especially considering he's meant to be lame.

 

Some other things as well:

 

1. How did the father make a pact with the wolves? Its generally only the Wolfkin that can manage it. Even if the wolves don't seem to attack people in WoT, people don't know it.

 

2. The Children of the Light don't go near Two Rivers, closest they ever get is Baerlon because smaller villages aren't worth their time. From memory, the Children turning up around Two Rivers in the books was an exceptional circumstance.

 

3. Two Rivers and that area don't really pay attention to the outside world as a rule, they're left alone (much like the Hobbits with Tolkien). Tam al'Thor is considered an exception to the rule in that he went to fight during the Aiel War. Need a different reason for Thorfinn to leave.

 

4. Fades and Trollocs are mentioned very briefly, I would think that perhaps time spent on the Borderlands would play a larger role in his life?

 

 

Look, its the same thing as before I think. Lots of good ideas, but far too many crammed in the one character. The result is that instead of having a couple that really stand out, the mass of them diminish each other, competing with each other. Best advice I can give is to pick a couple and really do them right.

[Thorfinn]

Right heres my third attempt

 

 

Handle: Thorfinn

 

Character Name: Thorfinn Al'Sven

 

Email address: danstewart85@hotmail.com

 

Division: Freelanders

 

Age: 40

 

Gender: Male

 

Physical Description: 5' 10", Mousy Brown kept out of his eyes with a leather band, Brown eyes, wears a brown tunic belted at the waist, leggings tucked into his calf length boots. at his belt is a leather pouche with a wolf engraved on it and i simple but well kept hunting knife, at his left side is his broadsword 'Viper', He wears a long green fur lined cloak. On his back is a longbow made of yew and carved his a serpent, He rides a large Brown Dhurran Stallion called Mani which carrys his saddlebags and round shield.

 

Place of Birth/Raising: A cottage in the forest near Two Rivers.

 

Character History: Thorfinn was born in Two Rivers, his father, Sven, was a hunter who wood hunt in the woods of near two rivers and would sell his furs and meats in two rivers. His mother,Hild, and father lived in a farm with a few sheep and goats mostly living off the game rather than the farm. When Thorfinn was old enough to hunt Sven taught him the tricks of the trade and most of all how to use a bow.

It was during his time he learnes to use shield and broad sword with quite some skill earning the right to serve in the persoaml guard.

Meanwhile back home romours had spread that Sven had made a pact with the Wolves. Some of the locals said that he spoke with the wolves. In actual fact Sven was Wolfkin, it was his closley guarded secret that even Hild never new about.

One day when Thorfinn was at the farm with his mother skinning deer, Sven's horse returned to the farm without Sven. Thorfinn and his mother became concerned and headed out into the woods to find Sven. He was found near the foot of the Misty Mountains peppered with arrows with nothing but his smallclothes on. Whoever had done this had takin everything of his.

Thorfinn and Hild then placed Sven on Thorfinn's horse and headed back to the farm and buried Sven. Hild went into a deep deprestion and stopped eatin and bathing, Thorfinn pleaded with his h=mother to eat but Hild never let up. She died 2 weeks later some say of starvation but Thorfinn always says it was of a broken heart. Thorfinn was 18,d wanting vengance for his fathers death so he set about the villages looking for hints of his fathers killers.

He had found out that a group of men had been passing through the area selling items that didn't seem like the sort they would carry, clocks, ornements and pictures. Thorfinn had also found out that alot of farms and cottages had been robbed in the past month or so and on hearing this he followed the direction of the thiefs until he tracked them by day and rested by night listening to romours and tracking trails when he could find themOver rivers and places he had never set foot on. He aventually reached the City of Caemyln. Hear he tracked his bounty to an Inn and found that htey had just arrived a day before him. Thorfinn also heard that they had been caught by the city Guard and hung for Theft.

So after all of his travelling the Theives had evaded Thorfinn rath and found himself in the middle of a city with no money and shelter. It was then that Thorfinn heard word from a Shienerian merchant that men could make wuite a living on killing the Carrion in Shienar. So, the merchant offered to hire Thorfinn as a guard on his return to Shienar.

When he arriveed in Shienar he found that making a living off Carrion was good and he seved a miner lord and was taught how to us shield and sword, he would be takin on the lords hunting parties and lived well.

He soon relized there was worse things in the world than he thought and that the fairy tales his mother used to tell him weren't fairy tales. He encontered Trollocks and Fades on many of his hunts. And sooned learned how to take care of himself. after 6 years of serves with his lod Thorfinn became home sick, he thanked the lord for everything he had done and headed back to Two Rivers. On arriving abck home he built a log cabin in the woods and makes his living of the game in the woods selling furs and meat to the local population. As his father did before him.

He returnes to his familes old farm once a year to honour his parents memory, and now and again comes down to the villages for feats days and such. He is a man who is known but isn't welcomed as much as he wishes, but would offer his cabin to anyone in need of shelter. Now 40 Thorfinn stays in the Woods and only comes down to the villages to trade his Furs and Meats.

 

How about that it's been edited a fair bit and is proble abit better. Hopefully

[Wayfarer]

My first thought is alot better :)

 

My second thought is that I'm not going to get to a third thought because I'm tired, so I'll come up with some advice after I've slept and stuff. :D

[Thorfinn]

I don't mean to be a pain but i'd like to start role playin soon. you thought about my bio yet James?

 

Thorfinn

[Wayfarer]

Not a pain at all. Its my bad, Nanowrimo has been knocking me about lately. Winter gave me a kick up the arse when she realised I hadn't posted :)

 

But, onto the bio. Its alot more solid now, but there is one particular problem:

 

It was during his time he learnes to use shield and broad sword with quite some skill earning the right to serve in the persoaml guard.

 

Meanwhile back home romours had spread that Sven had made a pact with the Wolves. Some of the locals said that he spoke with the wolves. In actual fact Sven was Wolfkin, it was his closley guarded secret that even Hild never new about.

 

I'm guessing these were references to joining the Queen's Guard, and what was happening at home while he was there. The thing is that there is nothing saying how he joined etc, he jumps from a kid leaerning to hunt straight the Queen's guard. What then makes it confusing is then while in Shienar:

 

When he arriveed in Shienar he found that making a living off Carrion was good and he seved a miner lord and was taught how to us shield and sword, he would be takin on the lords hunting parties and lived well.

 

The problem is that it seems like you've got two ideas running here. One is that Thorfinn went away and joined the Queen's Guard, the other is that he learned while in Shienar. The problem is that all the info inbetween is mixed up. Info is all there, it just needs to be put in order.

 

If you want extra help, I'm on MSN a bit, and so is my second Wintermist. Grab either of us on MSN, and we'll give you a hand.

[Thorfinn]

Okay James,

I have noticed in my haste to edit my charecter i have goosed it. I thought i had deleted most of the old stuff but now i'm gonna get rid of the Queens Guard bit and just have him going to Shienar.

 

 

Handle: Thorfinn

 

Character Name: Thorfinn Al'Sven

 

Email address: danstewart85@hotmail.com

 

Division: Freelanders

 

Age: 40

 

Gender: Male

 

Physical Description: 5' 10", Mousy Brown kept out of his eyes with a leather band, Brown eyes, wears a brown tunic belted at the waist, leggings tucked into his calf length boots. at his belt is a leather pouche with a wolf engraved on it and i simple but well kept hunting knife, at his left side is his broadsword 'Viper', He wears a long green fur lined cloak. On his back is a longbow made of yew and carved his a serpent, He rides a large Brown Dhurran Stallion called Mani which carrys his saddlebags and round shield.

 

Place of Birth/Raising: A cottage in the forest near Two Rivers.

 

Character History: Thorfinn was born in Two Rivers, his father, Sven, was a hunter who wood hunt in the woods of near two rivers and would sell his furs and meats in two rivers. His mother,Hild, and father lived in a farm with a few sheep and goats mostly living off the game rather than the farm. When Thorfinn was old enough to hunt Sven taught him the tricks of the trade and most of all how to use a bow.

Romours had started to spread in Two Rivers that Sven had made a pact with the Wolves. Some of the locals said that he spoke with the wolves. In actual fact Sven was Wolfkin, it was his closley guarded secret that even Hild never new about.

One day when Thorfinn was at the farm with his mother skinning deer, when Sven's horse returned to the farm without Sven. Thorfinn and his mother became concerned and headed out into the woods to find Sven. He was found near the foot of the Misty Mountains peppered with arrows with nothing but his smallclothes on. Whoever had done this had takin everything of his.

Thorfinn and Hild then placed Sven on Thorfinn's horse and headed back to the farm and buried Sven. Hild went into a deep deprestion and stopped eatin and bathing, Thorfinn pleaded with his h=mother to eat but Hild never let up. She died 2 weeks later some say of starvation but Thorfinn always says it was of a broken heart. Thorfinn was 18,d wanting vengance for his fathers death so he set about the villages looking for hints of his fathers killers.

He had found out that a group of men had been passing through the area selling items that didn't seem like the sort they would carry, clocks, ornements and pictures. Thorfinn had also found out that alot of farms and cottages had been robbed in the past month or so and on hearing this he followed the direction of the thiefs until he tracked them by day and rested by night listening to romours and tracking trails when he could find themOver rivers and places he had never set foot on. He aventually reached the City of Caemyln. Hear he tracked his bounty to an Inn and found that they had just arrived a day before him. Thorfinn also heard that they had been caught by the city Guard and hung for Theft.

So after all of his travelling the Theives had evaded Thorfinn rath and found himself in the middle of a city with no money and shelter. It was then that Thorfinn heard word from a Shienerian merchant that men could make quite a living on killing the Carrion in Shienar. So, the merchant offered to hire Thorfinn as a guard on his return to Shienar.

When he arriveed in Shienar he found that making a living off Carrion was good and he seved a miner lord and was taught how to us shield and sword, he would be takin on the lords hunting parties and lived well.

He soon relized there was worse things in the world than he thought and that the fairy tales his mother used to tell him weren't fairy tales. He encontered Trollocks and Fades on many of his hunts. And sooned learned how to take care of himself. after 6 years of serves with his lod Thorfinn became home sick, he thanked the lord for everything he had done and headed back to Two Rivers. On arriving back home he built a log cabin in the woods and makes his living of the game in the woods selling furs and meat to the local population. As his father did before him.

He returnes to his familes old farm once a year to honour his parents memory, and now and again comes down to the villages for feats days and such. He is a man who is known but isn't welcomed as much as he wishes, but would offer his cabin to anyone in need of shelter. Now 40 Thorfinn stays in the Woods and only comes down to the villages to trade his Furs and Meats.

 

I pray to my gods that i have settled some things. If i ever get this Bio CC'd i then have to find a RP to jion and Where to join but lets not get ahead of my self.

I also can be contacted at MSN i have updated my profile. still trying to get a bloody Avatar.

 

Thorfinn

[Wayfarer]

Sometimes I get overly critical and fixated when I work on bios for too long. To make sure I'm not being an unfair prick, I'm getting Winter to have a look at this now. :)

 

She should get onto this soon.

[Thorfinn]

Hay folks i know yer bussy. but i'm gettin eager to start role playin. Sorry

 

Thorfinn

[Winter Mist]

Thorfinn, I have sent you a PM :). If you would be so good as to email me a copy of the bio to freecastle@gmail.com. As I also mentioned in my PM, I have some ideas that I listed with regards to RP ideas, as I'm interested to RP with your character and develop my own character a bit too.

 

Thanks for bearing with me - work has been a little hectic the past week. I shall post the bio up for CCing as soon as I can.

 

Winter Mist