Talking it Out (Attn: Lillian)

[Taei]

Running. Running away. Something is after me. Impossible! It can't run, but it's after me. Taei tripped. Paniced she look behind her and...

 

Woke up. Taei was sitting straight up in her bed. Sweat poured down her forhead and her heart was racing. She felt as if she had run three laps around the tower. I don't understand. Why does it scare me so much?

 

The thing that had been following her was the ter'angreal used for the arches ceremony. She had ran, she had fled. Fled from what it might show her and now it hunted her in her dreams.

 

Looking out the window she noticed that it was almost time to get up anyways. Sighing she started her preparations for the day. No way I'm going to be able to go back to sleep now anyways. I need to do something about this, but what? Pondering her dilema she went about her morning routine.

 

---

 

Lillian! That's it! I could talk to her. She seems reasonable and we seem to be able to talk rather easily. Taei would have went to her best friend, if she had one... Not many people understood her obsession with knowledge. It caused people to drift away from her to a certain extent.

 

Steeling her resolve she went off in search of Lillian, her recently assigned confidant.

[Wayfarer]

Sighing, Lillian replaced the quill in the inkwell. Time for a break, she needed to clear her mind. Massaging her quill hand as she stood, she looked about the room. There were plenty of things that needed to be fixed, starting with the desk before her. Packing away the books neatly so they were stacked on their sides, everything was put in its place quickly enough. By the time she was done, the desk was cleared.

 

Smoothing the bed out, that was the last thing that needed doing about the room. Running a hand through her hair, she frowned before taking out her brush to deal with a couple of tangles that had formed. While some found it annoying, Lillian found it soothing more than anything else. It was easy to let her mind wander when her hands were occupied and she didn't have to focu-

 

Turning as she heard a knock, Lillian stood and put her brush away before calling whoever it was to come in. Smiling as she saw who it was, she gestured to the bed. "Come and sit down, I haven't seen you for awhile now. How have you been?"

 

 

Lillian Tremina

[Taei]

Taei stood outside Lillians room for a bit before she could find the courage to knock. Finally reaching up and rapping smartly on the door she wondered if she should even be here. She'll probably think I'm crazy.

 

Just then Lillian opened the door and Taei tried her best to greet her with a smile. "Come and sit down, I haven't seen you for awhile now. How have you been?" Taei walked inside and collapsed in the chair by the desk before even trying to respond.

 

Don't cry, just don't cry. Taking a deep breath she started. "I've been... better. I was wondering if you had a bit. If not I'll go away." The last part was almost hurried. She was almost hoping that Lillian would say she had a class in a few minutes and that Taei would be able to avoid the subject for a bit longer. Making a conscious effort not to fidget Taei waited.

[Wayfarer]

Something was clearly wrong, Taei hadn't even seen her invitation to sit at the bed and had taken the seat instead. Her words were rushed, and she didn't seem to be in control of herself, not compared to when Lillian had seen her last. Taking a seat on the bed as close to Taei as she could, Lillian folded her hands in her lap as she spoke calmly. "Whats wrong?"

 

The question opened up the flood gates and Taei blurted it all out. Being called in the middle of the night half asleep, being afraid of being afraid, running from the room sobbing, everything. As Taei described her nightmares she started to sob, she just couldn't help it anymore. "I.. I kno-now that it's ir-r-rational, but I ca-can't help it." Looking at her feet she couldn't raise her eyes to the other woman's, she knew that Lillian must think that she's insane by now. Clearing her throat and wiping her eyes on her sleeve she coughed. "I know you must think I'm insane by now. I'll go." With that Taei started to get up from the chair.

 

Will this be my fate? It was a selfish thought, and one that Lillian quickly shoved aside. It was Taei that required her attention, and as unreal as it was, it was something that Lillian could relate to. Getting to her feet, Lillian went to Taei's side before falling kneeling down, taking one of Taei's hands in her own. "It is irrational, but no you're not going insane. Light Taei, most people don't want to talk about their arches and there is usually good reason for it. Its no wonder you're struggling with it."

 

Shocked by Lillian's response she fell back into the seat that she had half rose from. "But how can I.... how can I go in there? I know I have to, but I don't even know what fears it might show me." She paused for a moment trying to sort out her own thoughts as to why she was even so afraid. "I don't know of anything that I fear, really, and well... it's supposed to make you face your fears." On the verge of tears again she had to stop. "How can you prepare to face fears you don't know of?" Her hands started to shake and Taei grasped them together in her lap to still them. Looking down at her hands she knew she sounded ridiculous, but it was her dilema. Oh, why can't I just be normal for once....

 

Taking Taei's hands in her own, Lillian hoped that would help steady Taei as she spoke. "You can't, except to know that if you don't face them, then nothing will change. Do you really want to remain like this?"

 

It was an odd comfort for Lillian to take help steady her. She wasn't used to people actually seeing beyond the book in her hand. It only took her a second to figure out the response to that one. "Well, no. I guess that the suspense is killing me about it." Thinking for a moment, rational thought started to kick in. "I guess that the only way to get rid of the fear is to see what it is." A small sigh of relief escaped her. Her hands started to steady. "Like I said, I know it's irrational. I guess I just was looking for an answer that can't be found." Very quickly, her mood started to change. She smiled, actually smiled, for the first time in two weeks. Taking her hands back she stood up. "You know, I feel so stupid for even having to ask someone else and yet so relieved at the same time." Feeling the heat build in her cheeks she knew she must be beet red.

 

Laughing softly, Lillian got to her feet as she spoke. "There's no shame in asking, and I'm glad you trusted me enough to speak to me." Smiling reassuringly, she continued. "Remember, you needn't face anything alone. If you want my help, you need only ask it."

 

Relieved that her new friend understood she smiled even broader. Helping Lillian get to her feet she gave her a hug after she stood up. "Thank you, so much. And if you ever need anything let me know. It's the least I can do after, well, putting up with me." The light was back in her voice and a glint of mischief managed to make it back into her eyes. "I think I'm ready now. Only one way to find out what I'm afraid of anyways. Better now than in the middle of a conflict." Looking out the window she worried for a second. "I haven't made you late for anything, have I?" Concern was written on her face now. "If so, I will go with you and explain if you want." She hoped that she hadn't gotten Lillian in trouble with someone.

 

"No no, I have just been working away here. I was having a quick break when you came actually, so no harm done." Frowning at a thought, Lillian turned to her bed and smoothed it out as she continued. "Still, it wouldn't matter, my teachers for the moment are a little kind hearted. That is to say, Saya Sedai isn't amongst them." Turning back to Taei, there was a smile on her face as she continued. "There isn't anything else you need is there by any chance?"

 

Almost laughing at the mention of Saya Sedai, Taei grined. "Saya isn't the most forgiving, I know that." Noting the unspoken question, Taei sensed a longer conversation about to start. "I don't have anywhere to be today, really, I was just supposed to be doing some research, but I can do that later as easy as now." She smiled back at Lillian and waited on her to decide her next move.

 

Gesturing to the bed, Lillian smiled lightly. "Come and sit here, its more comfortable." Slipping off her shoes, Lillian slipped onto the bed and crossed her legs as she sat up. "What have you been up to since we last spoke? Apart from these dreams anyway."

 

Sitting to Lillian's left she followed suit and left her slippers on the floor so as not to ruin the beautiful spread. "Mostly the same old thing. They have been allowing me to do more research, though. I guess that's because I've been called to be tested." A small frown flashed across her face, but was immediately replaced by a smile again. "I've been researching everything I can find about the One Power. It's amazing how much knowledge there is sitting here in the tower unused." Not wanting to bore her with details she switched subjects. "How about you? What have you been up to?"

 

"Me? I missed a full year of the Tower, the expectation on me is to catch up, so that is how I seem to spend all my time, making up for my time spent on the Farm." A mixed blessing, a mixed curse, it had cut both ways yet Lillian chose to draw from the good moments, the good things about her time there rather than the bad. Folding her hands in her lap subconsciously as she spoke, Lillian was a touch wistful. "It was an interesting year.... But enough of that. What else has kept your fancy? Apart from your current research that is."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

 

Taei Mirel

[Wayfarer]

Taei thought it best to leave the subject fo the Farm alone for now. "Let' see, there's the usual chores, classes, studying for classes, and of course keeping an eye out for tower guards." Taei gave Lillian a sly grin on the last part. "I'm usually not in the gossip circle, though." Taei was usually out of the loop because she diddn't care to be. She'd been the subject of gossip far too much before coming to the Tower to want in that loop.

 

The gossip circle, it was an easy way to label it, but truth be told when in a Tower where your every day was consumed by work, there was little left to do at the end of the day but talk. There were only so many things one could talk about before the conversation turned to others. While she steered clear of it herself, it wasn't to say she didn't understand why the 'gossip circle' did as they did. "Tower Guards? There's barely a chance to do anything but say hi to them." Lillian's tone left little doubt as to her frustration of it.

 

"True. there's not much of a way to talk to them. They have the yard and we have the tower. Doesn't mean you can't look when they do come around." Taei winked at Lillian. "After all, gotta find some fun around here."

 

Laughing, Lillian grinned conspiratorily. "Thats true, but still it would be nice to be able to actually talk to them. I thinks it been about a year now since I've spoken to a man, and the last time was fleeting at best. Howabout you? When was the last time you spoke to one I mean."

 

"Well... uhm..." Taei wasn't usually the type to go out of her way to talk to the trainees. After all, that would require a more outgoing personality. "Well, I haven't really talked to any of them. I always feel so stupid trying to talk to them." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.

 

"Thats because they're stupid, and their stupid is contagious." Laughing at the look that Taei gave her, Lillian continued. "Besides, its easy to talk to them. All you'd need is some practice... And Light, after all the years here, I'd need some practice too no doubt. Where did you see Tower Guard anyway? Have you been sneaking down to the Yard?" The smile on her face and her tone betrayed her teasing as friendly rather than malicious.

 

 

Lillian Tremina

 

Taei Mirel

[Taei]

A little shocked by the stupid comment Taei finally noticed the teasing in it and smiled back. "Well, actually, I've been sent after a couple greens from time to time. We all know where they usually are." Taei's grin broadened. "Three days ago, though, some of the Brown sisters recruited a bunch of trainees to help move some stuff around in the library. I think it might have been a punishment for them, but they seemed to enjoy the attention well enough."

 

"Ah." Grinning, Lillian found herself wishing she'd been in the library then. Which was utterly absurd, wanting to be there just to catch a mere glimpse of some young men was preposterous. Not that the thought did much good. "I'm sure they felt suitably chastised by it all. To think, when you're Accepted you'll be able to go down to the yards and train too, given much thought to it?"

 

Taei was thrown aback by that revelation. "Actually, I didn't know about that." She thought about the posibility for a minute. "I might, I'm not really sure. Being able to defend yourself is always good, though, and you can't channel in a Stedding and a few other places."

 

Grinning, Lillian added. "And you'll be able to go down to the Yards, which means you'll be able to talk to men again. If for no other reason that would be worth it in itself. You could even start looking for a warder. If you don't go Red that is." The last was said with a slight quirk to her lips.

 

Taei giggled at the thought of being a Red. "No, Red's not for me... I have to admit, though, I have never been too much of a people person. You should have met me before I came to the tower." Looking out the window she continued. "People can be cruel, and well, it gets old fast."

 

Reaching over and poking Taei in the midriff, Lillian grinned at her. "People can also be kind, don't be so quick to forget that. And you seem people enough to me."

 

Grinning at the poke Taei sighed. "Yeah, I know, I'm an old spoil sport." With that she stuck her tongue out and poked Lillian back. "That is one good thing about the Tower. For many it's a place to start over from whatever life has thrown at you." She grinned. "So, what did you start over from?" Poking Lillian in the side and winking she hoped that Lillian didn't react badly to the query.

 

"I am from Tarabon, yet I am Domani. My family were merchants, I was apprenticed to a jeweller and was to one day follow in my mother's footsteps. A testing by the Aes Sedai of the Panarch's court changed that though." Remembering them meant remembering what had happened, but enough time had passed that she was able to do so without tears. Having said that, her usual smile was absent.

 

Sensing the pain that must have taken her smile away Taei figured she'd move the subject on. "I grew up in Camelyn, where I was born I'm not quite sure, actually. My mother died when I was quite young and the woman who was healing her decided to take me in. I grew up calling her mother." A small smile showed up at the memories. "My father was a scribe, or, well... the man who raised me as his child." A little bit of confusion crossed her features for a second, but it quickly left. "I ran into an Aes Sedai by accident getting my father some supplies. She came over to have some work done and tested me and now I'm here." Thinking about Camelyn always brought her back to the crowds, the smells, and the sights. "I wish to go back and see them someday, but you never know where the wind will take you." With that she nudged Lillian and winked at her. "The wind will blow us on from here again."

 

Having a father for a scribe explained where Taei had gained her interest in books from. It was Taei's last words that brought back Lillian's smile though, the thought of moving on from the Tower one day was still one that occupied Lillian. Being free to do as she saw fit, something she was not allowed to do now without penalty. "Hopefully... Even if it takes forever, one day we'll be free to come and go as we please like our mentors. That would be something no?"

 

Glad to see the smile had returned she smiled even broader. "Yeah, it would be nice. Not to have to worry about doing all these chores would be nice too. Imagine, giving new novices chores and being able to come and go as we pleased. Even maybe getting a warder or a husband in the future." With that she winked at Lillian and started giggling. I'm acting like a little girl, but it's fun. Now I know what I missed in girl talk as a novice.

 

Giggling in turn, Lillian decided to make herself more comfortable as she laid back on her bed and folded her legs to one side. As funny as the thought was, there was also a certain wistfulness. "A husband, to think that most women our age..." Lillian mock frowned. "Well, my age, are married already. Sometimes makes you wonder what could have been. If I were honest with myself though, I don't think I would give what we have up, howabout you?"

 

Turing in the bed so that she could face Lillian she spoke up without hesitation. "No. I wouldn't give it up, but you never know what the future might bring. I've heard of more than one Aes Sedai leaving the tower because of love. We all know that lovers aren't in short supply around here." with a giggle she continued, "Just think about all the Greens running around."

 

"There are a few." Grinning, she thought about the Green sisters she knew. Only one of three she knew well enough would be interested in chasing men. That was also the same Aes Sedai she had gotten drunk with, had it only been her third year then? "Its probably the brown sisters you have to watch for though. Ever so quiet, can't be sure what they could get up to." There was definitely one Brown sister that came to mind.

 

A little intrigued by that last bit she decided to pry. "Brown sisters you say.... what do you know that I don't?" She gave her an interested look and waited for the juicy gossip.

 

Laughing, Lillian shook her head. "It wouldn't be right of me to say who, but let us say that one time I found a Brown Sister wrapping a man around her finger so easily you would have thought her a Green Sister. It was.... awkward." The grin on Lillian's face revealed that whatever awkwardness there had been, there was none now.

 

"Well, at least you know that she would never have made it as a Red." Laughing at the thought of a Red trying to wrap a man around her finger she had to wait a minute before she went on. "Anyways, I guess we had probably better be getting back to what we were supposed to be doing today."

 

Taei was right, as much as Lillian regreted it. "True." Swinging her legs over the side of the bed and getting to her feet, Lillian got the door for Taei but stopped her before she left. "Just remember to come by again, alright? In fact." Lillian grinned. "You should make a habit of it."

 

Smiling back at Lillian she hoped that she had found one of her first real friends in the Tower. "You can count on it." She gave Lillian a wink as she left and went off down the hallway towards her room. All right, time to get things going again.

 

Taei Mirel

 

Lillian Tremina