The Darkness Parts

[Jaydena]

The lights of Tar Valon shimmered in the night, dwarfed by the luminosity of the White Tower. Seiaman Kera sat quietly on her horse who twitched impatiently to get to a warm stable with food and water. The last time she had seen the White Tower she left as a retired Tower Guard, former Gaidin of Sirayn Sedai, and a newly-created Darkfriend with a destination to a secluded manor to be trained as an assassin. Much had happened in that short period of time – she had turned around before she arrived to her destination and before the Shadow ascended deeper in her soul. And now she had nowhere to go except back to Tar Valon, to the assumed safety of the White Tower. A wry smile crept on her scarred face, the White Tower was far from safe. She could be safer in the slums of Ebou Dar. Before the memories could surface and bring reminders of pain, Seiaman urged her horse forward. The new moon barely illuminated the way but she knew where to go.

 

Her first thought was to seek out the Inn she had established after her retirement from the Tower Guard ranks. Her face became grim as the memories of that not long ago time stormed back like a flood, filled with everything else that she fought to forget. Seiaman reached in her tunic and pulled out a flask to take a drink. Alcohol was a recently acquired habit – it was the only thing that silenced the nightmares and made her dark moods a little more bearable. Yet a single memory refused to be silenced, haunting her thoughts at every opportune moment. Seiaman took another deep drink from her flask, grimacing at the foul taste of the liquor. Her savior from the Shadow was not a sudden urge to be in the Light or to return to the White Tower to be reacquainted with familiar surroundings. Seiaman couldn’t get over what happened, it shook her to the core even more than losing Sirayn at Dumai’s Wells. Her eyes started to well up as the traumatic memory threatened to surface but Seiaman pushed it aside, giving more thought to the reason why she was returning to Tar Valon.

 

Seiaman couldn’t go against those she called brothers and sisters. Against those she had wholeheartedly sworn to fight by their side and to protect, to be the steel against magic. While she sat with the manor within sight on the horizon, the voices of those she had fought with against the Shadow and had befriended with screamed their horror against her for what she was about to do. Her true heart had surfaced, scarred and battered. No. The strength of that single word denied the Shadow from taking over her existence. Be a tool for the Light but not the Shadow. Do not foul everything you have done for the Light, regardless of what happened. And at that moment, she could see two people clearly as if they were standing in front of her enforced that thought – Sirayn Sedai and Jaydena Sedai of the Green Ajah.

 

She couldn’t turn against them. Sirayn stepped towards her, her eyes shimmered with fury. "If you dare, Seiaman Kera, I will hunt you down and wipe your existence from this very Earth." Jaydena stepped to Sirayn’s side, wearing the marriage dagger as Ebou Dari tradition demanded, her hands were balled into fists on her sides, "And when she’s done with you, then it will be my turn, Cuebiyar. After everything we have suffered at the hands of the Shadow, you do this?"

 

A wicker from Seiaman’s horse brought her back to the present. Jaydena’s last words echoed in her mind. They were nearly at the gates of Tar Valon. She took the last of her flask’s contents and increased the pace. The guards gave her a wary look over but let her pass without a word. She knew if they had any idea of how many weapons she had on her person and tucked in her saddle bags, they’d definitely stop her. But all they could see was the quarterstaff bound to the saddle. Seiaman was grateful for the late hour for the streets were quiet with a few stragglers and drunks, she arrived to the Rose’s Thorn. She had no idea if her arrival to Tar Valon would be welcome considering the circumstances of her departure although if the White Tower knew of her betrayal, they would be alerted by now and would be en route to Seiaman’s location.

 

She flipped a coin at the half-awake stable boy one she didn’t know of and took her belongings off of the horse. Seiaman knew if her suspicions were correct, she would not have much time. Entering the Inn through the kitchen, she startled the Innkeeper who instantly grabbed a meat carving knife with a scowl on her face. “Relax, Serif. It’s me.” The woman’s eyes widened at the mere sight of her but before she could utter a word, Seiaman stepped closer. “It’s critical that I avoid being seen right now. Anyone who asks if I’m here, you are to tell them I have not returned from my travels, is that understood?” Serif nodded dumbly, as if she saw a ghost. Without a thought, Seiaman moved quickly and silently up the stairs, the years spent in training and in battle becoming second nature. Seiaman walked in her quarters and instantly went towards the far corner.

 

Before long, two small wood boards had come loose and Seiaman was sorting through her saddle bags, placing two recent journals and several valuable belongings that she could not afford for others to find. Seia pulled out a wrapped bundle from her bag and hesitated to put it in her safe. She felt as if time was running out quickly but she could not just put it away without looking at it. With deft hands she pulled the covers away and revealed the slim dagger that Jaydena had given her so long ago. Her fingers caressed the emerald at the hilt with the dragon draped elegantly around the hilt. Seiaman shook her head, she knew it was impossible to be reacquainted with Jaydena. The last time Seiaman had seen her, she boldly and harshly pushed the woman away from her heart in the midst of a fervent rainstorm. Jaydena had threatened to kill her with the marriage dagger but yet – she didn’t.

 

Seiaman extinguished the memory, tucking it deep into her subconscious – just as she did with the dagger, tucking it deep into her vest. It was too valuable to allow for it to be lost. Recovering the boards in their place, she stood and walked towards a cupboard, opening it up, took a bottle of aged brandy and a glass and poured herself a hearty portion. At that instant, the sky crackled and thundered, opening a flood of rain from the sky. A knock resounded through the room Seiaman closed her eyes and let out a long sigh, preparing to face the worst.

 

Seiaman

[Jaydena]

The words blurred in front of her, running together into one large amount of nothingness. Why do I even try she wondered. All this writing, all these reports, day after day, they didn't do anything for her. In the night their parchment didn't keep her warm and in the end all she did would be forgotten. All her work as Captain General and Sitter would not be remembered after she was gone. She shook her head and ran a hand through her auburn locks, time and time again she had thought about cutting the weight of it off but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. It was the one redeeming feature she had left after her face was burned. Her hand kneaded her neck as she waited for the pain in her eyes and her shoulders to go away. You would think her warder would be here to help with this pain, but her Warder was visiting with her son where he lived. She didn't begrudge her that time but sometimes it was hard to have a warder who was pulled apart by so many commitments. There were times she cursed Aran and the fact that he ever existed and the damage he had done to both Cairma and Sirayn's daughter Lyssa. The man had been a player but in the end he had done the right thing and saved the lives of so many in Kandor. Jade shook the thoughts of that battle from her head and signed the report with a flourish. It was the last of the night and she so looked forward to a warm brandy in front of the fire, and the current book she was reading. A favorite of hers the stories of Jain Fairstrider, which talked about the bold exploits of the hero. Of course he hadn't been trapped within the confining walls of the White Tower and beaten down by responsibility and honor. She chaffed under it on a regular basis and it was getting worse the older she got.

 

With another shake of her head she focused on the book, time passing as the light began to fade from the sky and her knees started to cramp from being pulled up under her dress for so long. Knock-Knock-Knock, the sound pealed through her room and almost made her jump up in shock. A moment passed while she wondered who was at her door at this hour. She gained her feet, stretched her sore body, and walked to the door. With a quick weave she straightened her hair and opened it to find a new Novice standing there. The girl curtsied and said, "I b..beg your pardon Aes Sedai but a messenger from an I..inn has arrived and would like to speak to you. He says it is of utmost importance and that you will f..f...flay me alive if I don't get him to you." The girl panted and was pale as a sheet, the girl stayed in her curtsy and Jade almost chuckled. "I am not in the habit of flaying Novices my dear, will take care of him. Head back to your room for the night, you have done well." The girl ran away and Jaydena motioned for the man standing waiting for approval to follow her into her quarters. She readied a weave just in case though she recognized this man as one of the runners for an Eyes and Ears of hers.

 

 

"Aes Sedai," he started in a gravely voice, "I beg you to forgive my treatment of the Novice Sara. However I knew you would want to know this as quickly as possible. Seiaman has returned to the Inn, Serif sent me to you, the woman is in the Inn as we speak, though she is still dark and angry acting. She has gone to a room for the night, though she could leave at any moment." Jaydena felt her breath rush from her body in a great gasp that she barely managed to turn into a sigh, it never paid to let others see your emotions. She nodded her head and said, "Bless you Alfred, I appreciate this." Reaching into her belt pouch she pulled out a silver Tar Valon mark and handed it to him before escorting him from the room. So Seia has returned to her Inn and has taken an room again, she thought. What did the confounded woman want and was she still dedicated to the Shadow? She had heard from Sirayn that Seia had become a Darkfriend and she had no reason to doubt the woman at that time. It wasn't until later that she began to doubt Siryan's motives and feelings. She glanced around her room and down at her dress. Should she have her brought to the Tower or should she go to the room she wondered? Of course she didn't want anyone to know that Seia was back in town so it would be best if she went to her.

 

Jaydena sent a tug through her bond to Cairma and quickly changed into a clean dress, this one was wrinkled from the busy day and she didn't want to present herself in the wrong way. After all this was the once love of her life who had rejected her and broken her heart. Had left her after horrible burns had marred her face, the other woman had no use for her after her beauty was lost at the hands of Lanfear, one of the dreaded Forsaken. She slid her arms into a mint green silk dress with white roses on the fabric, a rose colored satin belt cinched tight around her waist, it was embroidered with the same white roses from the dress. It reached to her feet and had a low neckline and pointed sleeves that covered her hands from sight. Around her neck she hooked a matching silver rose necklace, on her ears the matching earrings, and around her wrist she added a bracelet. On the other hand was a charm bracelet that Cairma had given her long ago, each year the woman added another charm, while she had been away she had even sent them to her. Jade smiled at the thought and made sure the marriage dagger which she still wore to this day was hidden from sight under the bodice of her gown.

 

She slid her long legs into green kid leather boots, giving herself ease of movement and strapped her dagger to her side, she added a green velvet cloak embroidered with silver serpents and full of pockets. Inside them she tucked a variety of things, including her money purse. With a grimace she picked a light green mask decorated with raised roses and affixed it to her face with the weave she had created after the burns had destroyed her features. She looked in the mirror before she hooked it in place, starting at the roped burns. Half her forehead, her cheek next to her nose, and down to nearly her mouth was disfigured by the burns. It was one of the reasons that Seia had left and she ought to leave the burns in sight so the other woman could see the horror that she had left. However she wouldn't do it, she wasn't intent on scaring little children tonight. She chuckled and finished hooking it to the left side of her face. With that she moved from the room, and began walking from the room, she could feel Cairma approaching her. As she set the wards on the room, she turned to Cairma and spoke in hushed tones. "Seia has returned to Tar Valon Cairma, I must search her out and destroy her, her evil cannot live in the this world, and as her wife it is my duty to do it." She shuddered at the thought, saw the pain echoed in Cairma's face. The other woman nodded and fell into step behind her. She knew she would have a heck of a time getting into the room without Cairma with her but if she had gone without her Cairma never would have forgiven her.

 

They made their way through the Halls of the Tower, each area changing to match the Ajah it belonged to or the group. She could feel Cairma behind her and she felt the woman lay a hand on the center of her back more than once. Pain must have been radiating through the bond to her. Jaydena was having a hard time controlling it, after all the woman that meant everything to her, her soul mate, had chosen someone else over her. Had than walked away from it all when Sirayn refused to be with her and had chosen the Darkness to the Light. Jaydena knew the dark elusive pull of that Darkness, she had almost gone to it herself as Lanfear had tortured her in her dreams after the burns, but in the end her duties to the Tower and to her Sisters as well as her love of the Light had been enough to fight that pull. It appeared that nothing had been enough for Seia, when she didn't get what she wanted, which was Sirayn she had chosen it. She turned a sharp right towards the entrance of the Tower and walked down the wide walkway, the Inn wasn't far from the Tower and as they walked through the gates, she nodded to the Tower Guards on guard duty. She knew most of them, though there were a couple of new ones standing guard.

 

They walked quickly through the streets of the city, Jaydena didn't take time to admire the amazing carvings or the strange building shapes. Some like waves, others like Sea Shells, another like a Seahorse. The buildings had been carved by Ogier Stonemasons and were awe inspiring, but right now she wasn't feeling very inspired. In fact she was feeling downright upset and pissed off at this point. She had waited a long time to stick a dagger in the other woman's chest. After all that was what Seia had done to her on that long ago rainy night when she had told her she loved Sirayn and wanted her. A sob rose in her throat and Cairma placed a hand on her back again. Turning to the other woman she sent her a smile and said, "Thank you for being here Cairma." The other woman nodded with a quick smile and returned to watching the buildings for danger. As she walked she thought of all the tears she had cried for Seiaman, all the pain she had gone through, everything she had given up for the other woman. She still couldn't begin to sleep with someone without feeling like she was betraying her. Light how messed up am I, see leaves me and dedicates herself to the Shadow and I haven't slept with anyone but her, she thought.

 

Those thoughts twisted in her brain, causing her more pain, as she remembered back in time and how they used to be, how hard Seia had fought to win her back at Namandar, and how the other woman had saved her life after Jared and Corbin has both died there. Finally, they reached the Inn and Cairma walked next to her through the door, looking for danger, and ready to fight any threat. Anyone ought to be scared of that giant sword of hers, light it was almost as tall as she was, Jade mused. With a hardening of her heart she pushed all thoughts of the pain Seia had caused her out of her head and than walked up to Serif, the other woman whispered to her the news and what room Seia was in, as well as the fact that she hadn't left. Jade thanked her and handed her a gold mark before she walked up the stairs. Cairma guarded behind her and Jaydena whispered to her that she needed to stand outside the door, after much whispering the other woman agreed but warned that she would break in the second she thought there was danger. Jade took a deep breath before the door, calming herself the best she could, and assuming the Aes Sedai serenity she had been trained to use. With a air of calm finally in place she knocked on the door loudly and waited for someone to answer....

 

Jaydena

[seiakera]

Seiaman took another sip of her brandy as she walked towards the door. She wished she took some more time before coming to Tar Valon, she had no idea what to say to Sirayn, about her becoming a Darkfriend and why she was back. A part of her hoped that her former bondmate wouldn’t be in one of her angry and bitter moods otherwise it’d be impossible for Seiaman to convince her that her words were true. She braced herself and opened the door.

 

“Jaydena Sedai. I wasn’t expecting ….” The simmering fury in her eyes dared Seiaman to try; it made her feel as if she was looking at a relative of Lady Death. She took a silent vow at that moment to tread carefully. “Come in.” She stepped away from the door allowing Jaydena and her Warder to step into her quarters. She took that moment to sweep over her former lover’s body, being careful not to be seen. She knew that it would spark a vicious reaction. A deep stirring of emotions started to rise from within, threatening to shatter Seiaman’s false sense of calm and security. She took a sip of her brandy and made eye contact with Jaydena as Cairma circled the room, her trained eyes looking for a weapon of any kind, a look of disgust passed her features as she walked by the bottle of brandy. “I am not going to give any trouble.” Cairma gave her a glare, her hand ever ready to unsheathe her sword. “What are you doing here, Seiaman?” She kept her lips closed, feeling the anger that the two women radiated at her presence. This was not going to be easy at all. Jaydena spoke to her warder and a small twinge of jealousy stirred in Seiaman’s soul. That could’ve been me. Her hand started to shake slightly as she slammed the door firmly closed on that dream.

 

Seia spoke softly, “Would you like some brandy, Jaydena Sedai?” Cairma stepped out of the room and closed the door. Jaydena waved the offer aside but Seiaman still walked towards the cupboard and retrieved an extra glass and poured a generous helping in it. She resisted the urge to take a deep swallow of her own glass and focused on stilling her emotions, which was pretty difficult – Jaydena’s presence was unexpected and happening a lot sooner than she had wanted. As she took a sip, she looked at Jaydena’s mask – it was elaborate and gave off a sense of dangerous mystery but she didn’t understand why it was necessary. Seiaman took Jade’s brandy glass and offered it to her, “Please do make yourself comfortable, I’ve a feeling that your business may take a while.”

 

Seiaman

[seiakera]

ooc: posting this for Jaydena

 

ic:

 

As the door opened Jaydena took a long and silent look at her former lover, she was sure that the anger just sparked from her eyes, she could all but feel it sizzling. Her hair was still the same in a braid with no signs of gray in it. The eye patch was still the same looking, she was sure it wasn't the same, but she hoped if it was the woman at least washed it. The other woman spoke quietly inviting her inside the room, and Jaydena calmed herself before she nodded in answer. Jaydena looked at her with disdain as the other woman turned and walked into the room and almost rolled her eyes as Cairma squeezed past her despite her orders to stay in the hall; and began to check the room for any other intruders. Once she was satisfied that there were no dangers the other woman stood vigil at the door. Jade looked Cairma in the eyes and lifted the corner of her mouth, the woman had never obeyed her so why should she start now? Thinking back to the words that Seia had said she was kind of surprised that the other woman hadn't been expecting her. She wondered if Sirayn was going to show up here any second, if this was some secret meeting between the two of them, and if she had expected Sirayn to come into the room. Jade felt her heart pick up a beat as she thought about the implications of that. Sirayn Simeone her once best friends and another of the women that held her heart has become Amyrlin Seat and then shortly after had vanished into the night with no signs of where she might be. All they could do is hope she was still alive, since she had had the ability to travel, and wasn't bonded to anyone to trace her. If she did show back up here with Seia it would cause a ton of problems but at least it would answer where she was. Jade hoped to be first in line to birch her after she abandoned the Tower in its biggest time of need.

 

Turning back she heard Seiaman tell Cairma that she wasn't going to give her any trouble, Cairma glared at the other woman and then spoke with a harsh tone of disapproval, "What are you doing here, Seiaman?" Jaydena stepped behind Cairma and spoke softly, "It's fine my Cairma, I know you are here and I will call out to you if I am in danger, no doubt these walls are thin enough you will be able to hear us through the door anyway." Cairma nodded and Seiaman offered her some brandy. Jaydena shook her head and waved her hand as Cairma walked from the room. Seiaman spoke again asking her to have a seat and Jaydena replied, "I would rather not be at a disadvantage with an alleged Darkfriend if you don't mind." She smiled though it didn't reach her eyes and saw Seiaman eying her mask again. With an almost sinister grin she embraced the source and untied the weave holding the mask to her face. The mask dropped into her outstretched hand and she saw the look of shock come over Seia's face. "Look all you want my wife, since you couldn't stand to be around it and didn't even come to the Infirmary to make sure your wife was still alive or had survived her viscous attack by a Forsaken. You would think after all we went through, even if you wanted Sirayn more than me, you would at least come to offer condolences. Of course, all you ever cared about was my beauty and my body so why should it surprise me that the first thing you do is turn tail and run like some coward when you hear I lost mine." She smirked, "Look your fill, I am used to looking like a monster, but at least Seia I am not a monster on the inside. The Shadow came for me after they destroyed my face and ignored their calls, I stayed on the side of Light, unlike you. You became a filthy Darkfriend, so I guess we can add that to your list of faults." Jade raised her hands and began to count off fingers as she named them, "Liar, Bitch, Unfaithful, Whore, Filthy, Untrustworthy, Betrayer, Adulterer, Coward, Slut, Horrible Wife, Horrible Friend, Darkfriend; well I could keep going all day but that's not why I am here. We both know your faults, me more than others, since I was at the receiving end of all of them." She stepped closer to Seia and slapped her in the face as hard as she could. "That's for everything you did to me Seiaman Kera. You are the worst sort of person and I intend to make the world a better place and kill you, you sorry excuse for a human being." Everything in here screamed to thrust the large marriage dagger that Seia had given her through the other woman's heart but she had to wait and see what happened. Maybe it was curiosity or maybe she just wanted to get back a little bit of what had been done to her by this woman but either way her hand stayed close to the dagger at her waist but didn't unsheathe it. "Why after everything you have gone through to fight the Shadow did you pick it? What could possibly have possessed you to do such a thing? I could have said a lot of things about your actions and your faults but I never thought that Darkfriend would be on that list. You of all people!" Breathing deeply to calm herself she put her hands on her hips and waited...

 

Jaydena

[seiakera]

Seiaman felt the tension knotting in her shoulders as soon as Jaydena mentioned the word Darkfriend with a smile that never reached her eyes. That’s why she’s here. She had done the unthinkable, violating her oaths she took as a Tower Guard and again as a Warder. Jaydena’s eyes had an almost vicious look to them as the mask came off her face and the sight stunned Seiaman beyond words as Jaydena said everything that she obviously held deep inside for so long. One side of her face was healed from a very severe burn, disfigured. It was like having two faces and Seiaman felt her heart getting heavier as Jaydena accused her of abandoning her in her time of need. Oh my Love. If Seiaman had known, she would have been by her bedside – none of this would’ve happened. None of this should’ve happened but it did. That triggered the forgotten fury inside towards the Shadow. Everything that she suffered, that Jaydena suffered – that everyone with Good in their hearts suffered was because of the Shadow’s destructive and greedy nature. She almost wished she didn’t take the Oaths.

 

Jaydena started to step towards Seiaman, the insults sliding off her tongue and stunning Seiaman like poison but she knew it was right, every word of it. She kept quiet, absorbing each painful word and the face-numbing slap. This woman was the only person who really took Seiaman in completely, forgave her time after time for a lot of mistakes she had made, and made her feel loved, desired, wanted, and needed. Seiaman had failed her yet again. She felt like she was being pulled down by several large boulders, falling to nowhere and she deserved it. She deserved Death’s visit by Jaydena’s hand.

 

"Why after everything you have gone through to fight the Shadow did you pick it? What could possibly have possessed you to do such a thing? I could have said a lot of things about your actions and your faults but I never thought that Darkfriend would be on that list. You of all people!" The room went silent save for the rain pattering on the roof. Seiaman never broke eye contact from Jaydena, her former lover deserved to have this moment and it was not Seia’s right to deny it from her. She put her brandy glass down on the table. “I was stupid, greedy and weak, Dena.” Her voice wavered. “I was tired of fighting all the time. It was an easy way out. Everything I do, I always cause pain.” Her hands started to shake again, “After I….” she knew she had to say it, “After I tried to push you out of my mind, my heart – I didn’t realize what I had lost until I was almost to the meet point, to be taken in the Shadow.” Seiaman let out a deep sigh as she slowly took her eye patch off; wearily rubbing her tired eyes then looked at Jaydena. “I know it sounds unbelievable, this change of heart. But I,” she had to lie. She knew Death would come if she revealed her Oaths. “I am not a Darkfriend. I kept thinking about you, about everything.” Her chest felt tight, trying to hold back all of the emotions she held in since Dumai’s Wells. She had come back a cold-hearted person, rejecting everyone who had a piece of her heart but that was not her true self. But this time around, it was different.

 

“If I had known about the attack on you, I would’ve been there, Jaydena. I loved you and I still do, to this day. I never was in love with you because of your looks. I was in love with your inner beauty, with who you were. With who you are. Please believe that, if nothing else. I never knew, if I had – “ her voice broke and she let out a shuddering sigh. Seiaman sat down in her chair and looked at her scarred and battle-worn hands. “Everything you said was the truth except one thing. I am not a Darkfriend. I almost left the Light but I didn’t. I still want to fight by the side of my brothers and sisters; by your side. If you’ll take me.” She looked up at the woman before her, “I know you’ve given me many chances. My life is in your hands, Jaydena Sedai. If your judgment is Death,” Seiaman stood up and started to unlace her vest to bare her heart, “I accept the punishment.”

Edited October 8, 2010 by seiakera