Meeting the People {open to absolutely everyone} (repost)

[Guest Faile1987]

OOC: You know how much I like such posts, my virtual twin :D So, lets get into it!

 

IC: Briefly Ged seemed to regain full consciousnes of himself and was stunned in horror at what he had just been feeling. He had nearly lost himself and coming aware of that he all too vividly recalled the last time he had had such a feeling of emptiness, the one time after which he had sworn that he would never let go of himself in such a way again.

 

Yet the strongest oath seemed to be like trying crosing a wild river when you have barely learned to swim and are blindfolded besides agains the power and the taint in Saidin. Like a drowning man, Ged tried to claw onto those memories, his mind spinning in a frenzy, yet the little consciousness left in him was crushed mercilessly by the taint rushing through his veins.

 

Dropping back into the emotionless world of the Flame and Void, Ged soon forget all those thoughts that had frightened him before, and without paying any attention to his eventually returning physical exhaustion, nor to the faint voice in the back of his mind, screaming at him to stop and let go of whatever he was doing, Ged just fought on and on, completely oblivious of his surroundings.

 

Looking at Noy, he suddenly didn´t see the man who was able to empathize with his own feelings so much, who had reassured him and pulled him out of the whirling stream of his depressions attempting to drown him in themselves. He didn´t see the man who he had hoped would be his friend and had so openly returned that hope. He only saw his weapon and Noy´s clanging together, the hollow noise of wood on wood rining in his ears.

 

A light feeling of dizziness seeping through the void, Ged only drew deeper on it, blocking out anything which seemed to get in touch with him.

 

Being one with his weapon, he wasn´t even aware of how rapidly their speed increased and despite their still crude and awkward practise of the sword forms, their tackling went faster and faster, constantly gaining speed and Ged didn´t even pay any mind to the sword forms he was going into.

 

Everything was happening fast suddenly:

Back and fro. Strike and counterstrike. Block and Attack. No mercy. No surrender. His muscles screamed, but inside the void he ignored it. It was of no account right now. Back and fro. Back and fro. Faster. Faster. Dodge, strike, block. Strike! Strke! Strik- "Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!"

 

Ged didn´t even realize as the void suddenly seemed to crack as he still was in too much of a frenzy to notice anything beside his own mantra running through his mind.

Yet all of a sudden something inside him flickered and for an instant blinding bright light blazed in front of his eyes, agonizing pain stabbing through his head and he didn´t even regiser Noy´s blade hitting his body as he couldn´t raise an arm to block it anymore.

The world had frozen. Everything turned white and started to turn wildly around him. He couldn´t move nor even breathe, only dimly aware of his knees buckling and himself falling down, Ged had lost consciousness even before his unmoving body hit the ground.

 

OOC: Ok, so much to sword fighting....;) sorry, but I couldn´t resist, it just was too tempting...Back and fro, Back and fro, Back and fro...

[jasonr]

ooc: virtual twin, that's a fun phrase :D Doing a little bit of NPC action with a make-beleive Asha'man.

 

IC: Noy's mouth dropped open as his wooden practice blade collided with Ged's head. His eyes widened as Ged hit the ground, his body completely froze. Oh no, what if he had hurt Ged, or killed him! Noy's body refused to move. Noy simply stood stairing at Ged until a voice in his head screamed at him to move. He ran the two steps to reach Ged and shook him. "Ged, Ged?" Not shook him harder, and raised his voice, "Ged, Ged, can you hear me?" Light, that was stupid, if Ged was out cold he would not be able to hear Noy, and shaking him might hurt Ged.

 

Noy ran around the Farm randomly searching for help for about 20 minutes, then when he was exhausted and nearly at the point of tears, he bumped into someone. "Boy, do you realize what you just did? I'm an Asha'man!" Noy replied, "Sorry, it's just that training... hurt... need help... Healing." That was all he got out between huffing air frequently. It was alright because the man understood and seemed very amused. "Lucky for you, boy, I have some talent with Healing, take me to the man."

 

Noy led the Asha'man to where Ged was. The man Delved Ged then Healed him. "This one only had a bruse, don't overreact next time, you might have even been able to Heal him yourself, although it would be unlikely. Go take him to the Soldier Baraks and wait for him to wake up, that's all you had to do in the first place anyways." Noy complied with the Asha'man, glad that there was nothing else wrong. He was flustered and very embarised that he had overreacted so much. Noy waited for Ged to arise...

[Guest Faile1987]

The watewood. Ged didn´t know how he got there or how he knew where exactly he was right now. Everything around him had dissolved into nothingness and oblivion all of a suden. After all he knew that he shouldn´t be there. Yet somehow he was and despite his head felt like stuffed with wool, he could think straight so far to notice that something was amiss. Yet he didn´t know what it was, as everything around him felt so right, so much like it had always been, like he remembered. That was it, he knew, a memory. Yet who was he know and where? No, his mind was running mad, he knew, what shouldn´t be right about spending his time out in the waterwood in a sunny day?

Yet suddenly a faint sense of dread was creeping up in bones and all of a sudden the water covering his body had gone so cold that his teeth had started to clatter as he shivered.

Deciding that it was time to get out of the water as fast as possible while feeling as if every fiber of his body was about to freeze right away, Ged made his way through the clear blue water back to the shore.

Only that the water wasn´t clear anymore.

Had he been able to see his entire body floating in the pleasantly refreshing dephts of the waterwood until now, Ged´s eyes all of a sudden looked into the deepest pool of blackness he likely had ever seen.

In fact everything around him seemed to have been swallowed by blackness, even the sky above him, now having been a bright blue, had turned gray and dark grey clouds where shadowing the sun which was suddenly setting in a glow of blood red over the horizon, nearly touching the water Ged was still swimming in.

Ged´s body seemed to have become all immobile and slowed down so abruptly right now, that however frantically he tried to swim, the shore didn´t come closer however hard he tried.

Already a dull numbness was nagging up him, mercilessly creeping up his bones. His mind spinning frantically, Ged felt panic arise in him, pouring waves of adrenaline through his veins, but even that was useless agains the flood of blackness swallowing him.

He couldn´t move anymore, the black stream was simply too strong, pulling at him now, pulling him under water and now more than ever before, Ged knew he was about to die.

Taking his last breath, he spotted as swarm of ravens soar across the nearly black sky right before he was sucked into the whirling flood.

Yet he was surprisingly calm now, composed and reassured in himself, bracing himself whatever might come now, expecting to meet his Creator in another second...

 

And yet, the pull on him suddenly changed and his body contorted uncontrollably as a thousand tiny droplets of ice seemed to ripple down his skin.

And then he didn´t die at all. Then there was light.

 

 

Ged´s eyes fluttered open, his lids still heavy with exhaustion and it was a physical effort to just lift them, straining all his muscles to achieve that little movement.

 

All of a sudden, his eyes just popped open, only to squint awkwardly against the blinding daylight.

He felt he was lying on a bed and his entire body felt heavy and leaden and he wouldn´t have been able to move for dear life right now.

Eventually his senses seemed to return though and at least he could think a little more straight right now. As straight as he could anyways, his head still feeling stuffed and dazzled, a dull pain pounding behind his temples making him want to close his eyes right again.

 

Realizing he wasn´t alone though made him suddenly recognize Noy´s face, bending over him, worry and concern creasing his forehead.

Not yet entirely aware where he was, Ged at least attempted as smile, only to regret the motion the same instant, as his head protested madly against even this minor motion.

 

Licking his lips to get some moisture back in his dry mouth, Ged wanted to say something, ask what had happened, yet abruptly the dream he had had reemerged in his mind and a wave of panic seized him as he wasn´t sure whether it only had been a dream after all.

 

"Ravens", he mumbled, his own voice sounding alien and coarse in his ears, himself not being aware of speaking aloud, "Ravens and blackness...so cold..."

 

OOC: Yeah....I know...carrying way off again....don´t ask me....no drugs...no alcohol...just me....

[jasonr]

ooc: this one ended up a little off topic, but I hope you don't mind.

 

IC: Noy felt so terrible, while he was waiting for Ged to arise, he pondered over his past, over everything he had done in the past, he thought of all the suffering he had created. He might of well have killed his family, now that he was gone there was no one who could take care of them. Oh, Light, why did the Creator make death, why would it all have to end? It was not that Noy was afraid of dying, but he was terrified of loosing another person, terrified of te emotional pain that he had no idea how to deal with.

 

Did the Creator make death to mock us? Did he make it to have something to amuse him during his eternal life? Noy did not think the Creator really did that, but oh, it hurt so much. There must be a greater porpose to death, but who was Noy to understand the actions of the Creator? Death was a terrible thing, looming beyond the surface of life. How could death ever be remotely good when it hurt so much? Noy knew that he deserved the pain, knew that he deserved to hurt, but there were count-less people who didn't deserve it.

 

Perhaps no one was good, perhaps no one fi the image that the Creator wanted. But whose choice was is to die? No one's, no one truely controled death, no one contained it, death was simply an inevitable part of life. Death would always be there and it was impossible to avoid it. Noy was here to become a weapon, to kill, but how could he possibly inflict the amount of pain that he was feeling? How could he become a weapon and kill, when it meant doing this, causing this misery, to someone else?

 

Noy knew that it was his duity to do so, and that he had no other option. When Ged woke up, he was releived, the Asha'man had told Noy that he was fine, but Noy wouldn't beleive until he saw it himself. "Ravens, Ravens and blackness...so cold..." Noy was concerned, so he put another blanket on Ged and stated, "Don't worry Ged, it was just a bad dream. No ravens or darkness here." Noy tried to comfort Ged, but deep down he wanted to cry, to cry tears of saddness and desperation... and loss.

[Guest Faile1987]

OOC: yay for carried-away posts (much prefer those to simple fighting ones ;) )

 

IC:Ged´s head was still spinning too fast to allow him to think straight. Dimly he registered Noy talking to him soothingly. "Don't worry Ged, it was just a bad dream. No ravens or darkness here."Yet to Ged it was all so distant and despite Noy´s reassuring words, he felt that something was wrong with him, those deep lines creasing his forehead and his eyes looking so hollow at him that Ged just knew something was really amiss with him after all.

 

But Ged was still too deeply trapped in the dream he had just been having. It didn´t allow him to get out of its claws yet and it seemed to Ged that the blackness and the cold he had felt there were still present and tugging at him. Only now he knew he wouldn´t even be able to resist, his muscles unable to work, not wanting to obey him yet. It was as if all life-power had been suddenly drained out of him and in some deeply hidden part of his consciousness Ged knew it had something to do with the way he had woken up. Had been pulled out of that murderous stream literally.

 

He shivered uncontrollably, at the mere thought of it and something of the cold and dread he had been feeling being stuck in those pitch black floods still seemed to prevail and stick to him like the black coat he was wearing constantly.

The Surge of that unknown power still seemed to draw at him and he wanted to succumb to it willingly. Gladly giving himself over to the foreign force pulling at him, at his very core.

 

All of a sudden he didn´t seem to feel the cold anymore. In fact his entire body had gone numb again, the cold creeping up his stiff and unmoving muscles as he lay there unable to resist and part of him not even wanting to struggle, to hold on to consciousness.

Not realizing that his eyelids where dropping again, Noy´s figure disappearing behind a blurrr, Ged suddenly felt so drowsy and tired, only wanting to return to the waterwoods of his dream. To a place of sweet memories, oblivion and peace of soul and spirit.

 

Feeling his breathing slow down untill his lungs were barely filled with sweet air, a faint sensation filled Ged as he suddenly seemed to watch is own body from a distant position. Seeing him ly on the bed, fully dressed and Noy tugging a second blanket around him, Ged briefly wondered if that gaunt-faced and hollow-eyed figure there really was him after all and a deep sense of calm and peace washed over him, abducting him as he seemed to dissolve into himself, his eyelids suddenly feeling so heavy that he was sure his head must get crushed by their weight at any time now.

Someewhere he heard a singing voice. His mother´s voice singing a lullaby to him, like she had when he had been a boy, cradling him in her arms until he had fallen asleep.

 

Something was wrong about this though. That voice sounded so like his mother´s and he wanted to go to her, rest his heavy head in her arms, let her sing to him untill he was sound asleep.

No! My mother is dead! I killed her...I KILLED HER THE LIGHT HELP ME!

 

As if having pulled a trigger, Ged´s eyes suddenly sprang open again, or at least tried to, fighting down the abducting pull which seemed to have an iron grip on him again. Which threatened to take him away, his spirit, his soul his entire being.

No! I have to hold on! I have to get out of here! I have to- All of Ged´s will seemed to claw on this single thought, like a drowning man would cling to a plank drifting in the storm-raging seas. He had to hold on, he knew he would die or worse if he gave in to that - whatever it was. If he hadn´t been so afraid and adrenaline was suddenly rushing through his veins, Ged knew his strength would have left him long since, having given in to the overwhelming surge tugging at him. Giving in would have been so easy, so sweet, so promising of oblivion, yet he clung on to his struggle and suddenly he felt himself panting and his whole body was drenched in sweat as he seemed to pull himself out of that bodiless grasp, seemed to overstep some border. And blackness had him again.

 

****

 

This faint lasted only for a minute or so though and when Ged´s eyes opened again, he now could recognize Noy´s body bent above him clearly and drying to get his tongue working, he croaked, his consciousness returning slowly: "Noy....What happened? I was gone..."

 

Blinking idiotically, Ged´s visíon only cleared eventually, yet he knew that the struggle was over and whatever it was that had had him so firmly in its grip had now left him. Though he didn´t know if it was for good and that thought utterly scared him, merely thinking about it, making his heart want to gallop in his chest and his breathing go hectic, feeling like a hunted animal, the wolves only waiting for a new chance to lure their prey.

 

OOC: Yes...on getting carried away...sorry *shruggs helplessly*

[jasonr]

ooc: sorry it took me so long to get to this... *shrugs*

 

IC: Noy was worried when Ged passed out again. He felt releaved when he woke up and said, well, really he croaked, "Noy....What happened? I was gone..."

 

"It's ok, Ged. You just passed-out, nothing bad." Noy studdied Ged for a moment, he looked a little distraught. Other than that, he looked physicly ok, the Asha'man was right.

 

"Ged..." Noy took a deep breath, then let it out. "I hope you forgive me... I was really afraid that I had hurt you badly."

 

Noy smiled. "Well, it turned out that I was just being the fool and that it was only a minor injury." Noy's smile slid off of his face. "Still, that shouldn't have happened, it was a fool thing for me to do, getting all absorbed like that. I didn't even realize that you were on the ground until I didn't have anything to aim at."

 

"Light, Ged, I am really afraid that some day I might actually kill one of my friends because I am too bloody obsessed with meeting my goals!" Noy shook violently. "Oh Light, Ged, how can I control myself next time, how can I keep myself from hurting anyone. I can't just stop practicing, that's not an option."

 

Noy turned so that his desperate and lost eyes met Ged's, how could Noy solve this problem? Light, he didn't want to be a killer.

[Guest Faile1987]

OOC: No problem, just let´s see where else this will go (funfun)

 

IC:"It's ok, Ged. You just passed-out, nothing bad."

 

Noy´s eyes resting on him suddenly made Ged feel a little uneasy, yet the worry showing in his face, made him smile and still feeling unable to talk much, Ged nodded quietly, his emerald green eyes signaling Noy that he understodd and it was all right.

 

"Ged..." Noy took a deep breath, then let it out. "I hope you forgive me... I was really afraid that I had hurt you badly."

 

Noy smiled. "Well, it turned out that I was just being the fool and that it was only a minor injury." Noy's smile slid off of his face. "Still, that shouldn't have happened, it was a fool thing for me to do, getting all absorbed like that. I didn't even realize that you were on the ground until I didn't have anything to aim at."

 

"Light, Ged, I am really afraid that some day I might actually kill one of my friends because I am too bloody obsessed with meeting my goals!" Noy shook violently. "Oh Light, Ged, how can I control myself next time, how can I keep myself from hurting anyone. I can't just stop practicing, that's not an option."

 

Letting out a deep breath, Ged struggled to sit upright in his bed and although a wave of dizziness was washing over him once again and Noy´s face seemed to waver in front of his visaion, he finally managed to at least assume a sort of sitting position. Wetting his dry, cracked lips to speak, Ged finally got out what he wanted to say, his voice still rasping and coarse.

 

"I know how you feeling Noy", he said slowly,trying to work his dryness out of his mouth, trying an attempt of a weak smile, telling Noy he shouldn´t blame himself "You know...it was the same for me when I fought you, I didn´t see anything around me any more and wasn´t even conscious of what I´m doing."

 

A col shudder ran down his spine as he recalled that session of fighting. Only now he knew how close he had come to really hurting Noy himself.

 

"I don´t know what happened, but suddenly everything around me seemed to disappear and to tell you the trugh, I didn´t even feel you striking me. It was as if...as if I was already gone before, gone somewhere..."

 

Shifting uneasily in his blankets, Ged couldn´t supress a shiver as he recalled the place he had been while unconscious, a place so like the one he remembered from his childhood and yet completely different. Only that he didn´t know what scared him thinking of it now, something linked to that dream, something he had forgotten though.

 

"I think it´s the taint working in us", Ged said finally, calm, yet it wasn´t more than a whisper as he spoke to Ged, "I think that this is the beginning. The beginning of madness and we now have to learn how to fight it. You know, I once felt that I mustn´t give up my grip on this world when I was fighting, but then I totally gave in to that tempting voice inside me and i guess this is what has finally let me pass out. As strange as it may sound, I think having fainted has saved me from going insane, from hurting you... We have to learn how to fight it, Noy, that is what we´re here for, to let them show us how to fight without going insane, we have to keep our grip on this world, or we will-"

 

Suddenly Ged cut off as an image sprang to mind again. Him floating in the icy water of the Waterwood, in the icy black water of the Waterwood, trying to suck him in, to swallow him completely.

 

"Light! That was it!", Ged exclaimed and started to get out of his bed, suddenly no longer able to stay there sitting. He managed to rise and make two steps before he faltered and his knees suddenly didn´t carry his weight anymore and he swayed and caught hold on one of the bedposts to prevent himself from hitting the ground, his body shivering all over.

 

"The water and the blackness and the ravens", he whispered in sudden realization, "That was how the taint works like. It sucks you in, swallows you untill nothing is left of you. Light!"

 

For the time being, Ged only could keep himself from crumpling on the floor by clinging to the bedpost, standing there with his head bowed and panting out of the aftermath of being Healed and the torrent of images and thoughts coursing through is head wildly.

 

OOC: That was a long-winded one again ;)

[jasonr]

Noy shuddered. The way that Ged spoke of the Taint was frightening, at best. It was hard to believe that someday they would all go mad, with no choice about it. Noy didn't want to go insane, he didn't want to die.

 

It was hard to imagine being swallowed up by the Taint, hard to imagine being swallowed up by anything. Noy tried to thing, what could he say. "Light, how can we stop it, the Taint. Will that knowledge that you just discovered somehow help us in our battle? If we know how the Taint works, can we even clense it?"

[Guest Faile1987]

Ged still trembled in the memories of the dream he had just recalled the meaning of. The sudden realization of its meaning had taken him over like having received a breathtaking blow in the stomach. Light, he knew that he was damned to go mad and die, as were all the others here with him in the Black Tower. But having to die like that, being swallowed entirely by the taint meant he would never even have the time to really make good for what he had done, or even done worse when being mad and not himself any more. That imagination frightened him more than anything else. Dying had lost its horror to him that fateful night in Baerleon, but completely losing himself and causing even more damage was almost more than he could bear.

 

Panting and sweat still beading his forehead, Ged still stood crouched where he was, more leaning on the Bedpost than actually standing, his heart racing in his chest as he tried to think straight again, still his thoughts all roamed around what he had seen. Light, please let it be not true...please let me be wrong and give us all a chance to make good. It´s ok to die, but I don´t want to cause any more death and pain. Light help me but I don´t want to go insane!

 

Clenching his teeth angrily about himself and his own foolishness - as if it was for him to decide what would happen with him! After all that lay in the hand of the Light and the Creator- Ged raised his head as he caught the sound of Noy speaking.

 

"Light, how can we stop it, the Taint. Will that knowledge that you just discovered somehow help us in our battle? If we know how the Taint works, can we even clense it?"

 

Letting out a sigh of resignation, Ged slowly let go of the bedpost and made his legs move back to the bed, dropping himself hard on the matress, leaning his head back on the wall, eyes staring on the ceiling as if to seek a written answer for that question there.

 

"I don´t know if we ever can stop it, Noy", Ged said wearily, but trying to keep his exhasustion and resignation out of his voice. "That is not for us to decide. All we can do is do our best to try and manage to deal with it. That is our task and whether we will succed is to the Creator alone..."

Still leaning on the wall, Ged closed his eyes, forcing his breath to eventually ease down again, a wave of physical and mental exhaustion washing over him. He didn´t feel like ever getting up again, his body seemed to weigh tons, but that was nothing against the weight resting on his mind and soul.

[jasonr]

"I don´t know if we ever can stop it, Noy", Ged said wearily. "That is not for us to decide. All we can do is do our best to try and manage to deal with it. That is our task and whether we will succed is to the Creator alone..."

 

Noy gave a start, this was one area where he and Ged differed. Noy beleived, had to believe, that the Source could be clensed, there seemed to be no other option. Noy could not stand the Taint, it seemed to swallow him up, devour him and everything he loved.

 

"Ged, I just can't believe that we have to life with the Taint forever, I can't. Your beleif is yours, but I have to believe there is a way to get rid of it."

 

ooc: short...

[Guest Faile1987]

"Ged, I just can't believe that we have to life with the Taint forever, I can't. Your beleif is yours, but I have to believe there is a way to get rid of it."

 

Raising his head, Ged smiled faintly at Noy´s statement. As much as Noy´s optimism stunned him and in some way moved him, Ged still didn´t found it in himself to agree with him. Yet he didn´t want to take Noy´s illusions from him and who knew, perhaps he would be right after all. Oh, how much Ged wanted him to be right, how much he wanted to be rid of the taint, but he knew that this wouldn´t work as easy as that. The taint was much too persistent and too evil to be killed by sheer beliefs and trying. No, there was no way of getting rid of it now, so they would have to bear it, willing or not. They would have to hold on and try not to be corrupted by the taint somehow, there was no other way through it than standing it...

 

"Well, we´ll have to try, won´t we?", Ged said smiling drowsily. Light, he was tired, dead tired, but the last thing he needed now was sleep haunted by another of those nightmares. No, if they wanted to work against the taint, they would have to cling onto sanity and his past certainly wouldn´t help him in dealing with that.

 

"Noy...", Ged said slowly, somehow even speaking seemed to tire him, but he was determined to stay awake so his green eyes fixed on Noy´s body sitting by his side. "If I ever lose myself like I did in that training lesson...Don´t hesitate to kill me, do you hear? I don´t want to kill or hurt anyone when I am like that...Will you help me and end it before it´s too late? As...as friends do?" Realizing how he must sound now, Ged tried to manage a weak smile which didn´t touch his eyes though and repeated persistently. "Will you do that for me, Noy?"

 

OOC: Curtains up for the suicidal Ged ;)

[jasonr]

ooc: Faile, you know that I don't support suicide...

 

IC: "Well, we´ll have to try, won´t we?" Noy was a little irritated by Ged's lack of enthusiasem, but everyone had different beleifs. "Noy...", Ged said slowly, somehow even speaking seemed to tire him, but he was determined to stay awake so his green eyes fixed on Noy´s body sitting by his side. "If I ever lose myself like I did in that training lesson...Don´t hesitate to kill me, do you hear? I don´t want to kill or hurt anyone when I am like that...Will you help me and end it before it´s too late? As...as friends do?" Realizing how he must sound now, Ged tried to manage a weak smile which didn´t touch his eyes though and repeated persistently. "Will you do that for me, Noy?"

 

Noy hesitated, he had no idea what to say to that. He was almost in a panic, Noy knew that his friend was in trouble and unsure of himself, but Ged did not know how to comfort him. If it came down to killing Ged, Noy doubted that he could do it. All of his options were running through his head, making it throb. Noy knew that he would be able to kill an enemy soldier, for easy reasons; he was a farmer.

 

Noy was a farmer, and as a farmer he had to raise animals. He would help to birth the animal, raise it and care for it while it was sick. He would work so that he could feed it, watch as it grew. Noy would keep all of the children from naming it that way they did not hurt as much when the time finally came. Then, when it was older, he would take it into the killing shed and look into it's deep, trusting eyes, smiling at it while he brought out it's knife and finnally killed it.

 

Compared to that, killing an unknown man in a helmet would be easy, even if it was a human. Ged was different though, Ged was his friend, he was not an unknown soldier. If it came to killing Ged, Noy knew that there was no way he would be able to do that. Noy took a deep breath, how could he explain this to Ged, Ged wanted him to kill him, and Noy could not. Noy knew that Ged needed an explaination, and so he had to tell him.

 

"Ged..." Noy took a sharp intake of breath. "Ged, if it came down to it, I know that I would not be able to kill you... even if you lost control. I would do everything in my power to contain you, to stop you from going on a rampage, but I could not kill you. Maybe someone else would be able to, but not me, I never would. If I killed you it would haunt me the rest of my life. Perhaps I am being a coward by trying to take the easy way out, but I just would not be able to kill you Ged. I still beleive that we can all be saved."

 

ooc: it's been a while since I made a decent sized post like this.

[Guest Faile1987]

Looking into Noy´s sorrowful eyes showing his emotions all too apparent as he had heard Ged speaking, he didn´t really need to hear what Noy was replying to his request to now how he wuld decide. How he had to decide.

 

"Ged..." Noy took a sharp intake of breath. "Ged, if it came down to it, I know that I would not be able to kill you... even if you lost control. I would do everything in my power to contain you, to stop you from going on a rampage, but I could not kill you. Maybe someone else would be able to, but not me, I never would. If I killed you it would haunt me the rest of my life. Perhaps I am being a coward by trying to take the easy way out, but I just would not be able to kill you Ged. I still beleive that we can all be saved."

 

Looking at the troubled expression on Noy´s face, him being apparently torn between sadness about not being able to help Ged on the one hand and his belief that they would somehow find a way to overcome the taint and the madness on the other, Ged sighed and leaned forward, ignoring a new wave of dizziness taking him as he reached out laying his hand on Noy´s shoulder, emerald green eyes meeting dsrk charcoal ones and exchanging an understanding look.

 

"I know", Ged said softly to his friend, "I´m sorry that I have come up with it and burdened you with those bleak thoughts but I´m just afraid that I will go mad and lose control over myself completely one day and I couldn´t stand killing even more people than I already have..." His jaw working and his eyes still shadowed by sadness and resignation to his fate, a sudden flash shone in his eyes. A flash of awareness of what he had to do. Of determination. But still Ged didn´t speak up loud about the thoughts roaming in his head.

 

I will not kill again!, he thought to himself, screamed to himself actually. I won´t go mad and die loosing control over myself. When the time has come I want to be the one who ends it. Or someone else. No matter, I simply won´t lose control!

 

Clenching his teeth so hard that he didn´t notice he had bitten his tongue until he was tasting blood in his mouth, Ged tried to shake off the thoughts of killing himself. As much as he hated not to talk to Noy freely about it, he really didn´t want to burden him with his own suicidal thoughts even more. No, he wouldn´t do that to his friend. After all he would be alone in the end and it was on him to do what had to be done then.

 

"There is no cowardice in you refusing to kill, Noy", Ged said slowly. "In fact I´m really sorry for my own foolishness in asking you for such a thing. I could never kill again by myself and here am I to demand what I can´t do myself...It is me who has to be sorry. And I´m sorry as well for not being able to believe as you do. The Light send you´re right though and I´ll do anything to make it happen, but in the end it´s upon us all to make our own decisions, our own choices..."

 

Biting his already bleeding lip even harder as he realized how what he has just said must sound, Ged cast an apologetic look to Noy, but unable to find anything further to say on this, Ged threw back the blankets he was still halfway tucked in and swinging his long legs out of the narrow bed, he staggered slightly as he came to his feet and nausea and exhaustion were threatening to overwhelm him again, he muttered a silent curse as he had to grab Noy´s shoulder to support himself and keep his knees from buckling, but summoning the void, Ged firmly fed anything he was feeling, physically as well as mentally into the calmness of the oneness. Drawing himself up straight, the sadness has vanished from his face to replace cold and emptiness and giving Noy a small smile despite himself, Ged knew it wasn´t touching his eyes, but nonetheless he hoped Noy would understand.

 

The feeling he hadn´t fed into the void was hunger though which abruptly made itself noticable by a loud growl of his rumbling stomach. Yes, the aftermath of being Healed that must be but it was almos time for dinner anyway.

"Do you want to go to the kitchens with me to see if we can get a bite?", he asked his friend, "I´m ravenous."

 

OOC: Great post of yours, Jason and all I have to say to this thread is: Madness and misery rule!

[jasonr]

"I know", Ged said softly to his friend, "I´m sorry that I have come up with it and burdened you with those bleak thoughts but I´m just afraid that I will go mad and lose control over myself completely one day and I couldn´t stand killing even more people than I already have..."\

 

"There is no cowardice in you refusing to kill, Noy", Ged said slowly. "In fact I´m really sorry for my own foolishness in asking you for such a thing. I could never kill again by myself and here am I to demand what I can´t do myself...It is me who has to be sorry. And I´m sorry as well for not being able to believe as you do. The Light send you´re right though and I´ll do anything to make it happen, but in the end it´s upon us all to make our own decisions, our own choices..."

 

"Ged, another belief that I have is that we all make our own choices, and that those choices are what make us who we are. I beleive that you choose to try and inprove yourself. I think that you are a good person, even if you don't think yourself a good person."

 

"Do you want to go to the kitchens with me to see if we can get a bite?", he asked his friend, "I´m ravenous."

 

JUst then Noy's stomach growled. "Yes, I think that would be a fine idea." They headed off to the Inn and ordered.

 

"So Ged, it's amazing how the time flys, tell me more about yourself, more about your family." Noy realized that he might be treading in a dangerous area. "I don't want to force you to say things. It's just that I feel comfortably talking with you, more comfortable than with anyone else in the Farm."

[Guest Faile1987]

A good person...no, but Light I hope I can be some day, Ged mused and smiling faintly at his friend he was surprised not to flinch at Noy´s next question.

 

"So Ged, it's amazing how the time flys, tell me more about yourself, more about your family. I don't want to force you to say things. It's just that I feel comfortably talking with you, more comfortable than with anyone else in the Farm."

 

Ged smiled sadly at Noy, but then again his eyes brightened as the memories of his childhood, of his family returned to him. That was something even the worst nightmares and feelings of guilt wouldn´t be able to take from him. He would always remember how happily he had lived in Baerleon, even though they had never been really well-off. Smiling at Noy openly, his gaze becoming distant as if he didn´t see the surroundings of the Farm anymore, Ged did only hesitate a short moment, before he just began to talk as if he were in some kind of trance, not able to distinguish between past and present anymore: "You know there was a pond close to the little farm where we lived and mom used it to dye cloth she was about to sell there. She really didn´t like me and my friends spending much time thre when we were little and always told me I´d fall into the lake one day and drown because of my own stupidity. Wwll, she never knew how good a swimmer I was since she kept fending me off there, but when we were on our own there, it was the funniest and nicest place one could be. We had a lot of fun there every summer no matter what and even though Daren came close to drowning one day when he got caught by the ankle by a slingplant when we were diving, I still got him out. You know Mom was always getting mad with us abusing the dye she used to colour cloth with for our pranks, but it was just too much fun to empty it over people´s heads. The colour wouldn´t get off for days and especially girls were screeching so hysterically when we caught up with them. That was fun! I whish, I ..."

 

Suddenly Ged was jerked back into the present, painfully becoming aware of where he was and that there was no turning back of time now. Likely his friends would kill him right now if they saw them again. Daren himself would plant a dagger right into his heart if he had the chance to, Ged was convinced. His voice suddenly shaking again, losing all of its relaxation and joy again, his face was shadowed by a deep sadness once again and he didn´t bear looking at his hands, when his eyes fixed on Noy and he said slowly: "I whish you could turn back time, I´d like to show you how happy I was once, Noy, but there´s no way to do that. The present is all what matters, but still one can´t forget his roots, right? So...what about Amadicia? I mean, there must have been some good things about this country and the place where you grew up, you don´t look like the person having had a bad childhood to me, either."

 

Letting out a deep breath and unclenching his fists, which he didn´t even realize that he was making when talking, Ged looked over to Noy with his green eyes on him, trying to keep the sadness out of them and hoping that Noy would understand what he had meant by asking him about himself as well. Ged´s memories of having had friends might still be there, but knowing he had a friend even now how he was, a friend who didn´t despise him because of what he had done, was making him feel happy and soothed beyond belief and he so much hoped it would stay that way.

[jasonr]

"I whish you could turn back time, I´d like to show you how happy I was once, Noy, but there´s no way to do that. The present is all what matters, but still one can´t forget his roots, right? So...what about Amadicia? I mean, there must have been some good things about this country and the place where you grew up, you don´t look like the person having had a bad childhood to me, either."

 

Noy smiled softly and closed his eyes. "The consept of Amadicia was bad, being fools and not knowing it was bad, being isolated from the truth was bad... Amadicia, it was not bad. I remember working on the farm, with only my father, coming home to see my mother in her apron rushing us in before the food got cold. I remember going to town and gawking open-mouthed at all of the forigen sights. I remember playing with the other boys and being chased by the girls, who, ironicly threatened to kiss us if they caught up.

 

I remember Mara laughing at me every time I fell in the mud, and I remember hating that and turning red every time she did. Thinking back on it, all I wanted then was to impress her and have fun. Now seems so much harder than it was then, it seems that my childhood slipped away without warning. I don't know what I remember the most, my earliest and latest memories were of Mara. I suppose that she is what I remember most, she is what I miss the most of all about Amadicia.

 

We grew up together, even though I farmed a day's walk from the village, and she was the daughter of the thatcher, we were always together. I never realized then how much I really loved her, and how much I would suffer when she was gone. The gold never lasts forever, the good things alway fade. Come to think of it, I did not realize how lucky I was, how much I had, untill now, now that it's all gone."

 

Noy sighed a deep, tired sigh. His amused smile had turned into a sad smile, his eyes also sad, open and gazing softly down at the table. Noy still found it hard to believe that everything was gone, all of his beliefs, all of his friends and his family.

 

"Let me discribe something to you. The sun, vivid over the horizon, the sky a blaze of purples, oranges, and pink. All shining down on a grassy hill, where the wind blows gently stirring the grass, tickling your face and arms. A single tree protrudes from the top of the hill, it's ancient roots spreading, holding the hill intact for generations, always there and always tall.

 

This was my favorite spot as a child, the scene that I am telling you right now is my first memory of Mara, her smile, her laugh. We were both young then, very young, and we played a while until our parents had stopped dining. They told me that they found us later, sleeping umong the roots of this tree, and they knew then that we were made for eachother.

 

Maybe that was why I loved that spot, or maybe it was the signifigance that it held, generations of my family who owned it. That tree and hill had seen gererations of my family, and knew more about my blood line than I do. That tree held a special signifigance for me, I don't know exactly why, and I know that if I went back there, I would still see that tree on that hill standing as strait and tall as it ever had."

[Guest Faile1987]

Ged smiled ruefully, yet his eyes assumed a dreamy distant look as his mind travelled to the very place Noy was describing to him. He somehow felt moved deeply by what Noy told him about his wife and longing for her was all too apparent in his voice as was the pain of having lost her forever. Ged didn´t need to close his eyes to imagine exactly what his friend was describing to him. Somehow this place seemed oddly familiar to him as if he had been there himself, though under different circumstances. Ged could empathize with Noy´s feeling of irretrievable loss, since they both were feeling the same hollowness, the same feeling of being incomplete, the same longing to restore things that were lost forever, the same urge to make up for what they had done.

 

The two of them were indeed more simliar to each other than they might have thought at first glance, but still they differed from each other completely in their way of dealing with it, but also in terms of the matter what caused their sadness and their souls being torn as they were. In opposition to Noy Ged had never known love such as his, long-lasting and sublime, deceptive and real. He never had felt about a woman the way Noy was describing it to him and somewhere deep inside him he knew what he had missed by not having taken the chance to do so earlier. But wouldn´t that have made it even worse later? Wouldn´t he have only acted selfishly and without any concern for her feelings if he had found a woman he loved before he had had to discover the gift, the curse, inside him and had had to leave everything behind in attempt to stay alive fully being aware that he had lost anything he had been holding dear in live, had lost it out of his own devising, his own fault? No, it would have been much worse if he had known love, had experienced what Noy had, had tied the same strings to another person as the Amadician had.

 

Ged knew he wouldn´t have only lost his home, his family, his entire life as it had been but also the human being he had loved entirely like Noy had lost Mara. No, it wouldn´t have been fair, he would have caused even more pain and damage than he already had. An abandoned love would only pain him even more and knowing Noy he knew he wouldn´t be able to stand that adding to the pain he was already feeling. Though hearing Noy talking about Mara made Ged feel like there was something missing, a part of him staying unfullfilled and longing, Ged still knew that it was for the best as it was now. He craved to have somewhere he belonged but still he knew it was for the best of them all that he hadn´t also had to cut that tie to his past, the pain in him already too intense to bear without the void.

 

Anyway, there was nothing to lose and nothing to gain for him mourning over love he had never known and Ged forced himself to dischard any thoughts of it for now and the future. Yes, Ged knew it would be the best for him to abandon that thought completely since it would only cause more pain and betrayed hopes and suffering for which he would have to blame himself once more. No, it would be the best for all of them involved if he stayed as far away from women and the fateful topic of love as possible. He couldn´t risk overstepping that border as well, wouldn´t destroy even more than he already had. No, he didn´t want to go what was Noy going through and he wouldn´t destroy another person´s life only because of his own desire or longing.

 

But then again had Noy? Had he chosen to fall in love? To have to leave the love of his life? His child? His past? No, Ged knew that his friend had been helpless in that matter, that the Wheel had woven his life in a pattern with Mara´s and that he wouldn´t have been able to stop it, no matter what he did. "The Weave weaves as it wills...", a quote he had heard and read fairly often when he still had been back home suddenly shot through his mind and before he even could think about it clearly, he had already blurted out: "But what if the Wheel has chosen to weave you into that pattern as so many people say it does with everyone´s life? What if it has been fate that you have met Mara at such an early age and had to leave her behind after all? What if it all just was meant to be and you couldn´t have changed or done anything about it, Noy? If it was your fate to meet her and leave her? After all you didn´t choose to be able to channel and neither have I..." Ged paused, swallowing and having to take a deep breath before he continued knowing he sounded incoherent and just blurted everything out he was feeling now, without really thinking it through and most of it regretting and wanting to take it back as soon as he said it. "What will the Pattern still have in store for us, Noy? Light, what else will happen that we don´t have the slightest influence on? Maybe we will even come back to the places we have left, meet the people of our past again...but Light what would we do?"