A Tiny Spark ((Attn. Kabria))

[Sieve]

The ship continued South down the Erinen toward Tear.  By Perivar's estimate they were making good time as there had seemed to be a favorable wind.  Well he knew nothing about ships but they were moving rather quickly and the sails were full.  Looking back to the North he could no longer see Tar Valon.

 

Perivar formed the flame in his mind fanning all of his emotions into the flame bringing on the void.  Methodically he performed the sword forms he had been taught using both his sword and singuata.  Sure some had been modified to fit his weapons functionality though another trained swordsman would be able to recognize them.  Perivar was a Blademaster now, it still seemed odd to him when it came to mind.  Perivar father had been one as well unbeknownst to Perivar until very recently.

 

Perivar practiced the forms for hours on end whenever he had the opportunity. His sword and singuata reflected bits of the failing light.  The sun was very near to setting.  The captain had said that he intended on sailing through the night.  The River Erinen was wide and the man was confident that he and his crew could easily navigate the currents and sandbars as they had done hundreds of times before.

 

Sweat coated Perivar's body, his damp clothing clung to his body.  In the void he did not feel the cool night air.  Kabria was up and about, he had felt her stirring below deck.  Moments later she was up on deck.  He could point right to her but it was too dark to tell whether she was watching him or staring off into the distance.  Perivar sheathed his sword on his back and hung the singuata from his belt so that she could approach if she wished.  Then turned to face Kabria hoping she would approach and say something, anything at all.  Whatever was going on with her was tearing him apart.  More so because he was uncertain how to help her.  It was a dreadful feeling.

[Eqwina]

The motion of the ship churned her stomach, much as it had her first days on the sea more than 20 years ago. Rolling onto her back and away from the wall Kabria closed her eyes and took long steady breaths. The small cabin that she shared with Perivar and Chalinda was cramped and the air held a dank musty smell. It was often the case on ships, when the rooms had no windows. Finally convinced that she was not going to lose the little food she’d managed to get down she went over to check on her kitten. Much like a mother with a new child, Kabria obsessed over the tiny life, but left her alone when she found that she was still asleep. Looking around their tight quarters Kabria realized that she would much rather sleep, than be awake in this place. Changing out the small dish of cream for fresh, she placed the kitten in her carrier on the bed. The thin mattress, hard as it might be, still helped to soften the rolling of the ship.

 

As she changed into a fresh dress Kabria wondered on how long it had been since she’d taken a ship. There had been short jaunts from place to place, but she’d not felt she spray of the ocean on her face in all those years. Her stomach heaved again, but this time not from the waves. Her upset was coming from her shame; yet another black mark was added.  There were long stretches of time now where she didn’t even think of Shenesta or their time together. The woman had given her back her life and didn’t deserve such disrespect. How had she become so self-absorbed?

 

Not able to stand being in confines with her own guilt any longer she left their room. Entering into the long dim hallway, that smelled only slightly better than their room, she found the ladder at the back and climbed up onto deck. Not for the first time she wished she’d changed out of skirts; they were completely unpractical on a ship.

 

Darkness had fallen while she napped, and the cool night air was crisp against her skin. For once she didn’t push away the cold. She let the icy fingers of cold river spray seep into her skin, and relished in the breeze that pebbled her skin. For just a moment, looking up into the glittering sea of stars she could imagine herself as she used to be, before she’d become Aes Sedai.

 

The moon was only a sliver in the sky, and she couldn’t distinguish Perivar’s features from such a distance, but the bond told her all she needed to know.  He was hurting, and in pain, he was worried for her, and for them. Only natural for a Warder to be concerned about his Aes Sedai, considering what her death would unleash within him, but this was something so much more. His concern pulsed with veins of gold, with an undeniable love that should have made Kabria soar, but tonight her heart couldn’t find its wings.

 

She crossed the deck slowly, glad for the dark night to conceal her face. She was not ready to face him yet. She couldn’t until she knew what was wrong with her, but she also knew that she couldn’t allow the silence to dominate any longer. Her often gentle warrior had a temper, and it was fierce when unleashed. That was not something she could face as of yet, so she would make conversation to head off the storm she could feel building within him.

 

“I know that there are words you are wanting from me, Perivar. I can feel it burning within you. “ Walking away a few steps she leaded down on the railing, staring out towards the blackened coast. Any manner of things could be hinding in that dark night, a thought that once would have riled her. Kabria had a heart of justice both large and small, but tonight even shadows, the birth place of evil and the Dark One’s minions couldn’t stir emotion. “You want me to say that this will pass, and that everything will be fine. You want me to reassure you that I am still dedicated to us and to our fight. You want desperately for me to be who I was.” Fear mixed with concern, but Kabria pressed on. “ I would love nothing more than to tell you those things, but I cannot. The oaths that bind me will not allow the words to pass, and even if they could they would be only hallow reassurances. Nothing more than wind.”

 

Reaching out with Saidar Kabria wove water and air, and the ship lurched as the sails grew taught. Her skill with weather was minimal, but the ship moved a little faster in the night. “My inability to lie stops me from comforting you, and I am sorry, but for right now all that I know is that I ache. I feel as if a part of myself has been lost and in order to be okay I must find it again.” Perviar leaned down next to her on the rail and she reached out to place her hand on his. A small spark lit within her, quickly dampened by her grief. It had been a small campfire next to Dragonmount, but it did set one thing right in her mind. “I can tell you that I love you Perivar, and nothing in the world can dampen that.”

 

[Sieve]

Perivar watched as Kabria moved along the deck, his heart sinking further as she went to the ship's railing and not towards him.  He was not sure how much more of this he could take.  Was it something he had done?  Perivar was a fool on an epic scale yet he was reasonably certain it wasn't him.  It hurt to watch her like this but his eyes never left her. 

 

Kabria's words threatened to crush his hopes for good, his heart ached beyond comprehension.  The pain was nearly unbearable yet he clung to the belief that somehow things would be set right.  A part of him wished she could lie, tell him everything would be well but only a fool would fail to notice that she was not herself.  What if she didn't pull through, what then?  Perivar was convinced that he could not go on without her.

 

Suddenly he heard a snapping sound and looked up as the sails seemed to fill to capacity.  Perivar steadied himself as the ship lurched seeming to pick up speed.  Something drew him too her, did he feel comforted by her presence or was he trying to offer comfort to Kabria.  Placing his hands on the railing he braced himself wondering what she would reveal next.  He clung to the railing as if his grip on it could hold him upright under the tremendous weight that seemed to be riding on his shoulders lately.  His mind ached, better chance of him carving through a fist of Trollocs than reasoning out what was wrong with Kabria.  If only she had gone to an Aes Sedai of the Yellow Ajah, clearly this was some manner of sickness.

 

Kabria's hand on his sent a tingle through him.  Perivar could not imagine feeling that evertime she touched him.  What would he do if one day he failed to feel that sensation?  He sinply couldn't fathom how that would affect him.

 

“I can tell you that I love you Perivar, and nothing in the world can dampen that.”  A glimmer of hope!  Perivar knew her words to be true.  There was no doubting it.  He knew she loved him he could feel it but it was not enough for her.  Somehow she had to find herself again and he had to help her.

 

"I know, and that is all that matters to me my love.  I am yours forever no matter what! All will be well, somehow it just will."  Perivar wanted to say so much more but he did not.  He could not fool her, could not fill her with false hope.  One thing he knew for sure is that he would do whatever was necessary to help her find herself.  Hopefully he would find the key in Tear.

 

[Eqwina]

It was always good to hear a reaffirmation of his undying love for her. She’d once thought that if it was said too often it would become mundane, but in their brief moment of hope those were exactly the words she wished to hear. With her life in a downward spiral she could use as many affirmations as she could gather.

 

Staring out into the night she realized for the first time that their destination was South. Why South? She had assumed in their great escape from the city that Perivar would take her North. It was nearly always the case when they traveled; to head towards the North. Perivar often said that it was his heart and honor to serve as her warder, but she knew the pride and affection he still had for his home. She’d assumed that it would be to his parents that they would flee. The Tarigan manor was a place where they could be themselves, be something more than Warder and Aes Sedai. Still, perhaps now was not the best time.

 

On their last visit they had narrowly escaped being shoved down the aisle by the Lady Tarigan. The woman was a tyrant when she wanted to be and Kabria had full faith in her abilities to force them to wed. True, it would not be the worst fate they could suffer, but if they ever were to marry she wanted it to be because Perivar desired it. Not because his mother insisted. Sighing, Kabria remembered the reunion with her own mother. Katarina had been very set up about her daughter being an Aes Sedai, and being bonded to a Lord. The selfish woman had finally achieved status, if only by proxy. The last they’d left her she’d been with a merchant train heading North towards Perivar’s family home. Katarina was determined to worm her way into the family now that Kabria and Perivar were “betrothed”. Looking down at the serpent ring on her finger Kabria sighed again. If they were not careful they would return to Arafel to find their marriage arranged and both mothers ready to bind and gag them to make it so.

 

Not wanting to think too long on marriage, at least not this evening she looked up searching for Perivar’s eyes. “Why South Perivar? What waits for us there?”

 

[Sieve]

Perivar nearly winced when she posed the question, he was hoping she would not ask.  His plan had so many leaks in it that is it were a ship it would have already sunk.  "What waits for us?" He repeated to buy himself some time.  Perivar could not remain silent nor could he lie to her.

 

"A ship I hope."  Perivar knew that would not suffice.  She would demand more so he offered it up without being prompted.  "A Sea Folk ship to be specific.  If we do not discover one there then we will find one elsewhere, perhaps in Illian or Ebou Dar."  Kabria had often spoke of her time with Shenesta among the Sea Folk.  Perhaps she could recover a bit of herself.  He hoped it would not be too hard to find a Sea Folk ship.  

 

 

[Eqwina]

Kabria eyes sparkled with tears as she looked into her warder’s eyes. She should have suspected the moment they boarded a boat, that a Sea Folk ship would be his intentions. He knew her better than anyone else in the world, and would know just the thing to try and make her whole again. Still, he had to know that it wouldn’t work. Sea Folk did not grant the gift of passage to Aes Sedai, and even if she did not have the face they would feel her ability and be suspicious. Still, with her mother on the war path to see her and Perivar wed it would be safer to travel South, for now.

 

“We can try Perivar, but I have explained how the Sea Folk are, and I am not sure any but Shenesta would be what I truly need.” Sliding along the rail she moved closer until their bodies touched. Kabria needed to feel the warmth of another person right now. Saying the words out loud had made it truly sink in; that the woman she needed to be made whole was out of reach. She felt cold inside, and her fingers and toes were numb. If she could not see Shenesta then she would have to find another way to make herself complete.

 

“I am tired Perivar, I think I will retire for the night.” Brushing his cheek with a kiss she returned to their cabin to sleep. If she was to rebuild herself without the help of the woman that deserved the title of mother, she would need her rest.

 

**************************

 

For days the ship sped Southward on flourishing winds. Kabria meditated during the days and slept at nights. Rarely leaving the confines of their tiny room except at great need. The valley that was opening between her and Perivar did not grow during her endless days of self contemplation, but little was done to shrink it either. There was a renewed confidence in the bond though, it was as if that single spark had shown them that they would be fine. For now it was Kabria that needed to be mended.

 

[Sieve]

“I am tired Perivar, I think I will retire for the night.”  Perivar watched Kabria retire, bone deep sadness crept in as he recalled her reminder about the Sea Folk.  Surely they would let them aboard.  If not he would fight his way on board it had to work.  Perivar could not think of another way to make her hole again.  He was convinced that his plan would work, it was all he had.  A plan and a tiny little spark of hope.

 

Perivar did the only thing he could to take his mind off the doubt that would soon surmount and threaten to tear him to pieces.  He formed the flame pushing all his emotions into it until he found the precious void.  Perivar drew his sword using the form know as Unfolding the Fan then began dancing the forms on the deck of the river ship as it sailed south.

 

---

 

For days Kabria kept to their cabin and Perivar worked the forms on the deck pausing only to check in on Kabria or to sleep.  There was not much of the latter for him though the tiny little spark seemed to gain strength.  It was still a spark but it seemed less fragile.  It was as if Kabria's self contemplation was having some positive effect.

 

They reached the docks of Tear almost a week earlier than the Captain had expected.  He was amazed at the fortunate winds that sped them south.  The man had no way of knowing that Kabria was responsible for their swift passage which was well as Tairens were very skeptical about the use of the one power.  It was better if nobody recognized them for what they were.  Aes Sedai were supposedly more welcome since the Dragon Reborn took the Stone but old habits die hard.  He would not trust these people to suddenly welcome an Aes Sedai and show her the courtesy an honor she deserved.

 

Perivar and Kabria waited in silence as their horses were lifted onto the dock along with their spartan belongings.  He was unsure where their travels would take them so he had packed light.  It was unseasonably cold in Tear, a bitter wind blew in from the Sea of Storms so Perivar was eager to be on their way.  They passed through the muddy Maule to the city proper.

 

Perivar picked the closest in to the Maule and the docks so he could begin his search in the morning.  The inn called The Plump Grunter seemed decent enough for their needs.  Dumping their belongings in their room he quickly ushered Kabria to the common room before she could make some excuse to stay in their room.  They were both travel worn and could use a meal.  After the meal he would see to a bath for both of them.

[Eqwina]

If only there was a way for her to be all of who she was, all of the time. That was the puzzle she toiled over during their time on the ship. She kept to the cabin and occupied her days with caring for Chalinda and sitting in quiet contemplation. There was so much at stake, too much, for her to risk falling apart again. Her standing within her Ajah and not been damaged, but she and Perivar were on unstable ground.

 

The spark she’d felt had neither waxed nor waned; it still burned within and between them. It was if the love they shared for each other was determined to withstand and persevere even if their minds were not. It felt as if some unseen hand was driving a wedge between them, but in spite of that he was still in the front most of her heart. During her long days of self reflection and isolation his smiling face flew before her mind’s eye often and each time it brought a small ray of light into her darkness. It was that light, and their love that gave her hope.

 

It was the bump of the ship against the dock, and the padding of feet that brought Kabria out of her silent reverie. Silently she packed up her belongings and put Chalinda into the wicker basket that hung from her shoulder, by the time she stood on the docks the men were struggling to set Blade on dry land. Without a word to her Perivar took charge and went to see that their horses were not injured, war horses were fiercely protective and fiercely loyal. They could be hard to handle for those unfamiliar with their ways. Quickly though Kabria was mounted, and riding beside Perivar, following his lead into the Maule. She held her cloak closed with one hand as they picked their way slowly through the streets. A few people stared, but riders passing through were not so odd for them to attract unwanted eyes. Even though Kabria’s face was not yet ageless she kept her face well back in her hood; the chill winds gave excuse enough for that.

 

After seeing that cream was brought to Chalinda she agreed to follow Perivar down to the common room. Her eyes were still heavy lined with shadows, but some of her mood was put aside as hot food and wine were laid before them. It was far from a feast, but as soon as the food touched her lips Kabria found that she did have some appetite. Their meal passed mostly in silence, but Kabria did speak up to order them both more wine. “Bring your best good master, and you may leave the bottle.” Perivar gave her an odd look, but he paid the innkeeper and poured them both another glass.

 

Scooting a little closer to Perivar she pitched her voice so that it could not be heard more than a few feet away. The common room was still mostly empty, but with the dinner hour passed it would not be long before people came in to drink and dance. “My time on a ship, nor my time away from my Sisters, and our home has not changed what I am feeling, or not feeling. My quiet contemplations have given me insight, and your love has given me strength, but still…I… cannot… feel…I want to feel again Perivar, and perhaps drunk is not the best emotion to choose, but at this moment it seems to be the best I can achieve.”

 

Taking a large swallow of her wine she fixed him with an icy stare, that only her intense blue eyes could manage. “Your reasons for bringing me here mean more to me than you can know, and I will not stop you from your task, but tonight I wish to drink to forget my problems. I do not expect you to do the same, so I will not force you to stay.”

[Sieve]

Perivar could feel the tiny spark as she spoke but it did not blossom to the veins of gold that he used to feel.  It was as if that tiny spark was in a vise compressed as could be.  It would not give any more ground nor could it grow.  Perivar was at his wits end.

 

He sat with her as she attempted to drink herself into oblivion though he did not allow himself a sip.  Perivar could not resolve this problem with a head clouded by alcohol.  When Kabria passed out at their table after a long night of drinking and dancing he carried her to their room. 

 

Perivar rose the next day with the Sun and sought out the nearest Sea Folk vessel.  No matter how he tried they all refused him the "gift of passage" as they called it.  He tried every Sea Folk ship for days to no avail.  Finally he became so angry with the last Sail Mistress that she had him deposited over the railing of her ship into the harbor. 

 

Dejected after days of failure Perivar returned to Kabria.  "I fear the answer is not here as I had hoped.  I no longer have any ideas what to do.  Perhaps..."  He hung his head "Perhaps there is someone else who can help?"  Perivar looked at her expectantly for Kabria was the one with the gift for reasoning out such matters.  He was simply her sword and protector.

[Eqwina]

Certain people are able to carry off drunkenness with a kind of slovenly sophistication, and others with a reserved wit, but sadly Kabria fell into neither category. She was not very practiced at drinking and had only been drunk one other time in her life. The result was a sloppy combination of laughter and slurring speech. Perivar took it with the same stoic stride in which he took everything else and when she’d had her fill he took her back up to their room and put her to bed.

 

 

The next day the blinding sun pierced her eyes, and her head throbbed to a steady beat. She couldn’t summon the strength to even lift her head from the pillows. She watched with a silent interest while Perivar bustled around their room, bringing her food and then disappearing for a time while he searched the docks for a ship that would take them. He had to know it was a hopeless adventure, and still he searched without ceasing. Each time he was given a ‘no’ his frustration grew, but it was days before he finally admitted defeat.

 

"I fear the answer is not here as I had hoped.  I no longer have any ideas what to do.  Perhaps..."  He hung his head "Perhaps there is someone else who can help?"

 

Sitting up in the bed and pulling the covers to her chest she reached out and took Perivar’s hand. “I do not think there is anyone in the world who could help me….except for you…and for me. I have gone along with you this whole time searching for an external validation to my problems; when everything I need to recover is right her.” She tapped her chest lightly and attempted a non-drunken smile. It was weak, but it was their.

 

Perivar’s hand tightened on her own, and she felt the veins of gold, that had so long lain dormant, ignite within her. The flame between them still burned, and yet there was more now. There were obstacles that would have to be overcome, and challenges they would face but Kabria had a new hope that they would survive.

 

“I think I want to go home Perivar.”  He looked at her with shock, but after a moment she thought he realized what she meant. It was not the White Tower that she sought, but the Borderlands.

 

[Sieve]

“I think I want to go home Perivar.” The shock was plain on his face, why?  It took a few heartbeats before he realized what home she was referring to.  They were both of borderland blood.  Even though she had not been raised there, Kabria's mother was Kandori.  Kabria and Perivar had spent much of their time in the borderlands since Kabria was raised to Aes Sedai. 

 

The Blight was encroaching farther into the lands south of the Mountains of Dhoom and she was intent on seeing it kept at bay wherever possible.  The Dark One's touch on the world was evident to anyone who dared to open their eyes.  Kabria feverishly tried to keep the borderlands free of the shadow's malevolent touch. 

 

After a few moments, Perivar simply nodded in response.  "Welcome back" he said then kissed her softly feeling the veins of gold stronger than before.  He set out to see to their departure before he could be enticed to stay in bed with her.  There would be plenty of time for that.  For now it was time to go North.