My Heart in the Yards (Attn: Thera)

[SerenaMorrigan]

Run away, hide away

The secrets in your mind

Sacrificed just her life

For a higher love

No matter how many stones you put inside

She always keeps on floating in your mind

With every turn of your head you see her face again

Until the end, over and over again

Why, you just won't leave my mind

Was this the only way

I couldn't let you stay 

 

        -Within Temptation, Jane Doe

 

 

 

Circulating through the halls of White Tower, a cool draft always seemed to seep through the walls, and nip at the skin of the occupants within. No matter the time of year, one could always feel a slight chill if they were looking for it. The coolness did not bother the small pacing woman in her chambers. Soft, black leather boots seemed to glide across the stone tiles soundlessly. A long, deep blue coat billowed out at the bottom as she walked from one end of the foyer to the next, and small hands balled into fists so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.

 

 

 

What are you going to do, dwell on your bloody sorrow until your hair turns white?

 

 

 

A strange laugh erupted in the silence. It was not the sound of a joyous laugh, or a sarcastic one. The sound was forced, and appeared slightly mad.

 

 

 

Abruptly, the pacing stopped, and the woman’s face reflected a look of worry and concern. She tilted her head to the side, and regarded herself in the mirror across from where she stood. Tilted emerald eyes shone back at her, but they no longer held the spark of mischief and excitement that they once had. Her short, raven coloured hair was more tousled than usual; and her red lips did not even quirk in the corners, which might give way to a secret smile, or inside joke.

 

Worry, creased her forehead, and dark circles stood out against her pale skin.

 

 

 

“Have I completely lost it?” She questioned herself aloud.

 

 

 

Nodding, she was positive she absolutely had gone mad, and knew that she would not have to ask herself questions out loud, if she was sane. A small growl escaped her lips, and she threw one of her knives against the wall. Her hands shook too much to aim at anything, but the release of pent up energy and despair was too good to deny. Slowly, she looked up at the blade sticking out of the wall, and noticed that she had punctured a painting that she had had made.

 

 

 

Tears misted across her vision as she regarded the dark haired woman entangled in the arms of a beautiful red haired Goddess.

 

 

 

“No!”

 

 

 

Serena cried as she fell to the floor on her knees. Her hands came up to her head and balled short pieces of her hair as she shook her head.

 

 

 

“Please, no more tears!” She pleaded with herself.

 

 

 

Anger and rage boiled in her veins and all she could do was cry. What kind of Aes Sedai could call herself a Servant of All when all she did was scream and cry? Yes, she had lost her Gaidar, but not to battle. At least, not to physical battle. She had lost the woman to a silly notion of protecting her. The Blue Sister had shielded herself off completely from the woman, and it had resulted in an annulment to their bond. Could it be that this was the most painful loss of all of her Bondmates? Even compared to the ones who had passed into the last embrace of the Mother?

 

 

 

“Bloody, woman! And you call yourself Aes Sedai!” She growled and slammed her fist into the ground. The pain felt welcome. It was nice to at least see some physical remnant of the anguish one felt.

 

 

 

Serena Morrigan, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah, was destroyed. Her soul had been flayed, and her mind was bordering on insanity. Could the Taint on saidin affect the bondmate as well? Surely, it could. Perhaps, it was what had been left over from the madness that Elessar had been experiencing as well.

 

 

 

The poor man. Why couldn’t I save you?

 

 

 

She was a failure as a woman, as a lover, and as an Aes Sedai. She could not have tried harder to give a broken Gaidin a purpose, but he simply would not, or could not, take it.

 

 

 

After moments of beating herself down once more, Serena pulled herself to her feet and slid towards the painting with light agility. Wrapping her fingers around the hilt, she yanked it out of the wall and stared longingly at the blade. No, she would not inflict pain on herself. She knew from watching Estel Liones cope with her losses, that the physical pain would do no good…

 

 

 

Besides, I’d probably live through any suicidal attempt Tilted emerald eyes rolled.

 

 

 

…Unless of course, she caused physical pain on something else. Nodding, the Blue Ajah found semi-resolution and stormed out of her rooms. The door slammed behind her and a serving girl yelped and jumped into the air. Serena could have carved her way through the walls of the Tower with the amount of anger and energy she was putting off. No one stood in her way.

 

 

 

Once again, the Aes Sedai could not figure out whether to cry, laugh or bellow in agony, and her eyes brimmed with tears. Do..NOT…Cry!! She screamed at herself, internally. Her Ajah Sisters did not know what to think of their newly returned member, and knew better than to get in her way. Only one person had come to her since her return, and that had only gone…slightly well. Estel Liones always snuck her way into Serena’s life, and if it hadn’t been for the thunking of the Saldaeans knives against the wall, she probably wouldn’t have entered either. Held within Serena was a place of compassion for the fiery Domani, she had always regarded the other woman as a little sister, but Estel, nor anyone else, really needed to know that.

 

 

 

The heavy wooden door to the Yards swung open with force and a trainee jumped backwards, surprised by the effort that the diminutive Aes Sedai had put forth. He excuse himself, apologized profusely, and hurriedly walked in the other direction. Serena’s eyes were on fire, and as soon as she saw the track, she was off and running.

 

 

 

She didn’t know how long it had been, but once her lungs started burning and aching, she decided it was time for her to stop. She wanted to exhaust herself, but she wanted to make sure she had time for some good physical combat. Stalking towards a target, a dummy full of straw, Serena produced two blades, one from each sleeve, and thrust them towards the target. As she threw her knives, she let out a yell and a tear burned down each cheek.

 

 

 

A dark shape, in the form of another trainee, made a sound, then took off in another direction…Possibly to inform someone of the Aes Sedai’s presence in the Yards…

 

 

 

Serena Morrigan

 

Blue Ajah

 

Broken

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Eqwina]

A steady breeze, light and filled with the scents of spring, danced through the yards; putting smiles of the faces of those who were already hard at work. Days began early for trainees with seldom a pause before dusk fell, and so they were thankful for even the small joy of an early spring breeze.

 

But....there was one at least who was not yet up to enjoy the glorious morning.

 

Rolling over in her sleep Thera murmured and tugged at the sheets that had tangled around her legs. She was dreaming of a trap……..large and menacing..with an unseen hands trying to pull her down into a bubbling,festering pit wrought with all the evil that the world contained...she could never see the trap nor the hands, but somehow she knew that if she fell she would never make her way out, never make her way back to the world of the living. Twisting and turning she struggled to claw herself away from the edge…and struggled to wake.

 

With a strangled noise, Thera sat bolt upright in bed. Sweat matted her hair to her head and she had tears leaking from her eyes. For a brief moment at the end of the dream a face from her past had flashed across her eyes. A beautiful face, slim and delicate, with the most startling green eyes…….

 

Using the sheets she wiped some of the sweat from her face, and fiercely kicked away the tangled sheets. Light!! Why did it have to be her face?! Lumbering over to the wash basin, she very nearly upended it on her head. Instead she contented herself with filling it with cold water and submerging her entire face. She was trying to wash away the memories of the dream..and the memories of that face. This had not been the first time she’d had this dream and somehow she knew that it would not be the last.

 

Bringing her head up and spraying a shower of water across the room she nearly fainted at the tiny giggle from behind her.Only a tight knuckled grip on the stand kept her upright as her mind saw the hands pulling her down into the pits..

 

Turning, she looked down at Lyss, and suddenly every horror of the dreams melted away, carried away on the early spring breeze. “And just what are you laughing at my little bunny?” Bending down she scooped the child up into her arms and twirled her across the room until they were sitting in her large overstuffed leather arm chair. They flopped down, both of them giggling with smiles wreathing their faces. “We over slept today” Thera said chidingly, tapping the end of her tiny pink nose. “We will have to get dressed in a hurry so we are not late.” Smiling she hugged the child to her chest and then sat her down on the floor; patting her bottom to get her moving. “Late….fast..dwess.” Thera watched the little princess totter away with tears in her eyes. How soon would it be before the child was talking in complete sentences? And after that how long before she was wanting to move out on her own?Shaking her head Thera got up and followed the instructions she’d given her little angel.

 

Choosing out a sky blue silk shirt Thera tucked it in to her pale tan pants that fit her like a second skin, they completmented the curves she'd gained by giving birth. Her boots were the last thing she chose, dark brown leather that came to her knee and had been polished until they shone. It was such a joy not to have to wear her uniform,  that she even added a small enameled pin to her shoulder before entering into Lyss room to see what the child had picked. As usual nothing matched, but Thera didn’t say a word as she helped her pull a comb through her blond curls. “Are you ready now bunny?”She asked after they'd sat down the comb.

 

“Go now!” Without waiting for Thera to take her hand Lyss burst for the door, giggles already bubbling from her lips. Grinning Thera rushed after the anxious toddler, getting to the door one step ahead. Lyss knew all too well that today was the day she got to pick out a new toy, and nothing as silly as not being able to reach the door handle was going to stop her. With a grand flourish Thera flung open the door and was shocked to see a startled looking trainee dancing from foot to foot.

 

“Who you?!” Lyss burst out demandingly, before Thera could speak. “Lyss, you know better than that!” Bending down she looked her in the eye and adopted a serious tone. “What do we say?” Lyss sucked her finger for a moment and appeared to be trying to remember. “Lyss? What do you say?” Thera arched an eyebrow and shook her head slightly, a clear sign of disappointment.

 

“Swowwy trainee. Good Day!” Thera’s laughter at Lyss’ small and unsteady curtsy wiped the frown off the child’s face. “Up mom, up!” Rolling her eyes she balanced the girl on her hip and turned to address the trainee. “This had better be important for you to bother me on my day off. Especially with Dagan around.” Her foot started to tap and her caramel eyes flashed. The young trainee wrung his hands, but still had not managed to find his words.If anything he seemed on the point of fleeing. “Well out with it!!! What is it that Dagan cannot handle?!”

 

Finally the young man stuttered that Dagan could not be found, and that there was an angry Aes Sedai in the yards.

 

“An angry Aes Sedai?! Light! What did you fools do?!” Shoving the trainee ahead of her she explained to Lyss that they would have to wait just a bit to go and get the new toy. The child did not even bat an eye, as much as she loved new toys she loved working with Thera even more.

 

The young man led them through the yards and to where straw practice dummies lined a full wall. This time of day each dummy would normally have a foe and they would be hard at work trying to destroy it, but the yard was so quite Thera was sure she heard the grass trying to grow.

 

Somewhere in the distant background she knew that the trainee was asking permission to depart, but she hardly heard him, motioning him away with only half a mind. Her eyes were locked on the bearer of the lone knives in the yard. Even from behind… every inch of the Aes Sedai of was burned into Thera’s memory. She could still remember the scent of her raven hair, and the way her red lips had felt against her own. How soft her skin had felt as they.....

 

“But how…”The words came out as a whisper and a caress....Words Thera did not know she had spoken aloud until Lyss burst out.

 

“What how momma?” Her voice was carefree and light, but it lifted on the gentle breeze and carried to the Aes Sedai’s ear.

 

For only a moment did Serena’s gaze hold Thera's before her eyes drifted to the child, but a moment was all it took for a fire to ignite in Thera’s head, and her heart to try and race out of her chest.

 

She wanted to turn and run, but somehow she was rooted where she stood, unable to move….unable to breathe....

 

Thera Trakelyn

 

[SerenaMorrigan]

The musical voice of a child rang in Serena’s ears. Her brow furrowed, Odd, you don’t hear that sound in the Yards, often. Curiosity would not let go of her, and she turned to see where the beautiful sound had come from. It took everything she had not to let her jaw drop to gape at the most angelic scene she had ever witnessed.  The breeze blew threw hair like spun fire drops, and the two beautiful faces that stared back at the Aes Sedai were magnificent.

 

Like an angel and her cherub, Serena thought. No, like the red-haired Goddess she had had painted.

 

The Saldaean Sisters’ emerald eyes fixed on Thera’s warm caramel ones, and longed to be wrapped in their inviting gaze. Blood rushed to Serena’s face, and she was sure she was blushing. Light, woman!! You are not a bloody Novice gawking after the trainees. She scolded herself silently. There was no helping it, as her eyes swept over her once-beloved Gaidar, the Blue tried not to trace Thera’s form. The Mistress of Trainees had developed curves that had not been there before, and Serena could think of nothing but running her hands along...and being wrapped in those beautiful...Her heart felt as if it were breaking again.

 

Blinking, for what may have been the first time since being in the presence of the two, she cut off her dangerous thoughts and studied the child. A beautiful little toddler, full of innocence and what looked to be Thera’s guile. So obviously her child…I could never have given her a child… For the first time in many years, Serena could feel tears welling in her eyes over her yearning for her once Bondmate. Granted, she had yearned for the woman, but not in her presense. Light, she was bloody emotional. Woman! Get hold of yourself! You are the one that let her go, so what is the bloody problem?

 

A gust of wind whistled past her ear and she realized that the two had just been standing in silence for quite some time. What should she say? Anything? Where could she start?

 

Gathering herself, regaining some composure, Serena opened her mouth to speak; but a gasp was all that passed over her lips.

 

Foolishness!, she cursed at herself. How could someone reduce an Aes Sedai, all coolness and composure, to a spluttering fool? Light, what did the other woman think of this? Shaking her head as she rattled off as many curses as she could, without moving her lips, she was sure that Thera would still be angry with her, and was quite possibly laughing at her.

 

“She’s beautiful, Thera, just like her mother.” At last! Words! Serena began to turn, “Congratulations... for everything.” She said defeated, and headed back to the target to grab her knives. She had acted like a bloody fool, and would not stand around to be the object of anyone’s jokes or snide remarks.

 

Light, burn me for a bloody fool, The woman she had loved, and obviously still loved, was beautiful and whole; and she…she was a broken mess

 

 

 

 

[Eqwina]

Lyss’ breath was hot on her neck, and the child’s steady squirming landed hard kicks into her ribs, but Thera’s eyes were transfixed, and her heart had leaped into her throat.

 

She had thought Serena gone from the Tower and from her life forever and now…….

 

There had never been a beauty in the world magnificent enough to outshine Serena, never in Thera’s heart; and the years had not changed that undying fact.  Had it changed her undying love? The rapid beating of her heart screamed its answer. As Thera drank in the site of her beautiful Aes Sedai a familiar tingle erupted inside her…

 

The world shimmered.. Dark waves of satin enveloped her as she pressed her lips to the other half of her heart. Outside dark clouds rolled over the shining walls, but all of the world that mattered was in her arms. Tender kisses rained on her neck, and the sounds of passion were hardly dampened by the crashes of thunder that shook the walls.

 

Another kick to the ribs and her memory was shattered, like the many pieces of her broken heart. All the wounds that she’d thought were healed ripped open a new and she felt the hot sting of tears burning in her eyes. There was so much she wanted to say…so many words that just wouldn’t come. Even as Serena’s angelic voice sang in her ears she could only stare. Why can’t I speak!! Why cannot I tell her how much I’ve missed her?! And that it is her face that haunts my dreams!She was screaming at herself and still she stood like one of the stuffed dummies used as targets. She was paralyzed and all the love in the world couldn’t force her lips to move.

 

She watched in horror, with tears falling from her eyes as Serena turned and began gathering her knives. NO!!! She had taken three steps towards Serena, before remembering the child on her hip, her child no matter who gave birth. “I love you Serena”she whispered to the closing door of the Tower.

 

“I wuve you to momma, don cwry. Pwetty lady come back." Her pudgy little hand reached up to wipe the tears from Thera’s cheeks, and Thera managed a smile through her tears. “Yes bunny, she will come back” Squeezing Lyss she set her on the ground and took her hand. As they walked away from the practice yards and out of the large Tower gates Thera looked back every few steps, expecting to find her raven haired beauty. Had it all been a dream? Only the tears still staining her shirt told her that it had not been.

 

She let the tiny toddler lead her through the streets, as she was lost in her own mind.

 

How long had she still loved Serena? Had she ever really stopped? She could remember the day she and Jasine had met, and all the happy times they had shared. The conception of their child, and her death. She could remember all the fights, and sleepless nights, and the love making that followed, but had she ever been so enchanted? The way she seemed to be with Serena? Unconsciously she twirled the silver band decorating the third finger of her left hand.Thera could not remember the same heart racing, blood boiling passion with Jasine that only the site of Serena ignited. What did it mean?

 

“Door momma!! DOOR! Tugging at her fingers brought Thera out of her head and she looked up to see they had arrived.

 

Smiling down at Lyss she scooped her into arms and opened the door. No matter the confusion in her heart….There was still a doll to buy.

 

 

 

[SerenaMorrigan]

A lump formed in the Aes Sedai's throat as the familiar sound of the large wooden door that led out to the Yards clicked shut behind her. Biting down on the inside of her cheek she willed herself not to let the tears continue to fall down her ivory cheeks. Was it really possible that the anullment of her bond to Thera Trakelyn had been more painful than the deaths of the others? Light, she was sure it was so.

 

Serena clenched her teeth as she stalked swiftly down the corridor. A sound that resembled a growl seemed to emanate from her throat, which caused any passers-by to either stare in wonder, or quickly dart out of the way.Rage seemed to fill her as if she were a glass brimming with red wine; and her ivory skin began to turn red with the emotion.

 

Who am I mad at? What in the bloody Light am I doing? I can't be mad at her for getting married and having a child. It's my bloody fault she isn't still my Bondmate and...

 

She winced as she thought and she could only paint her feelings as being painful. It was her fault that Thera was no longer hers; be it Bondmate or lover, it was Serena that had broken it all off and let the woman go.

 

I couldn't stand by and watch that man fall head over heals for her and have his heart ripped out by my decision. He obviously cares for her better than I ever could...or did

 

Jaw aching with the strain of barred teeth, she clenched down even harder. Was that the rusty taste of blood that filled her mouth? The Blue almost welcomed it. She wanted to scream with the agony she felt as the vision of Thera and her beautiful daughter kept invading her sight. Her once Gaidar truly was the Warrior Goddess of the painting in her rooms, but Serena, Serena was nothing. She should not have even had herself painted into that bloody picture.

 

The lump that had formed in her throat appeared to be tearing apart her chest, now. Breath seemed hard to come by, and she wasn't sure if she shouldn't stop and take a minute to catch it. No, stopping would not be smart. It would give her emotional strife a chance to catch up with her, and she couldn't have that. It was already enough that she had let her emotions and pain get to her like an untrained novice. Her many years in the White Tower, and under the scrutiny of other Sisters, had taught her how to seperate her feelings from reality. She had learned how to look at things from all angles in a cool fashion so that her decisions would not be biased, or be made impulsively.

 

Now, she was a ruined mess. Silently, she thanked the Light that she had no classes to teach and no Mentees to watch over that afternoon. Most likely, the woman wouldn't even be able to put a sentance together, or sound even half-way sane. Shaking her head, she cursed herself out loud, not caring who heard her.

 

"No Aes Sedai should act like this. Can you even call yourself that, now? You are a broken cowardly fool!"

 

It was not long before Serena found herself in the streets of Tar Valon. In a bloody toy shop, none-the-less!What in the bloody Light am I doing here? Teeth still clenched shut, and dark eyebrows drawn down to create a deep crease between them, the Aes Sedai was a strange sight in a childrens store. How had she wandered here, of all places? Dolls lined one wall, dressed in silken robes, and crafted from porcelain and other fine resources. For a moment, a familiar smirk crept onto her lips, and noticed that some of the dolls were split into seven colours of dress. One for each Ajah perhaps. Would the artisan truly have tried to make dolls of Aes Sedai right there in the heart of Tar Valon?

 

Serena found herself gravitating towards a dark haired doll wrapped in her favourite shades of blue; and as her hand reached out, her fingertips caressed the smooth skin of another woman's hand. An electrifying spark seemed to shoot up her arm, at that point, amplified by the beautiful eyes that stared back at her in shock.

 

"Thera..."She whispered in longing, loosely disguised as shock.

 

Cradling the red-haired womans face in her hand, Serena ran her thumb across the womans cheek bone, and stared longingly into her warm eyes. Her Gaidar's warmth seemed to coat the Aes Sedai's very being. At times like this, it almost seemed that a blanket was being wrapped around her soul. Leaning forward, Serena's lips softly traced the line that her thumb previously swept across. Her heart raced and she yearned for the woman she held. As her lips came to Thera's ear, Serena whispered softly, "You are my Light, my Love, my reason for being." A delicious heat rose from within her as her words finished, and the two silhouetted shadows that were cast on the wall from a dancing flame, intertwined and became one... 

 

 

 

Serena Morrigan

Blue Ajah

:o and  :-[

 

 

 

[Eqwina]

Large blue eyes sparkled in delight, filled almost beyond comprehension with joy. Dark paneled cases and stands lined every wall and spread out into the room, with barely space to walk between. Pristine dolls decked out in silks and lace smiled at her from their perches; almost seeming to mock her pain. The hopeful light in their porcelain eyes made Thera’s stomach clench and her eyes grow tight. The space was too jovial to bear.

 

What right do they have to smile when my heart is breaking? Fool dolls! Fool woman!

 

Thera was so engrossed in berating herself she scarcely noticed Lyss squirming down her leg and beginning her single minded pursuit. She was searching for the perfect doll; A mate for the one that already slept wrapped in her arms every night. “Dolls needed friends too” the toddler had explained with barely concealed impatience.

 

The shop keeper may have greeted Thera, as she knew the mother and daughter well, but the kind well wishing fell on deaf ears. In the front window, nearly shining in the afternoon sun was a tiny dark haired doll.

 

Her pale face held a slight flush, and the maker had painted a mischievous light in her dark green eyes. Only hair, slightly too long, spoiled her from being a tiny reproduction of her former Aes Sedai. The perfect oval faced figure was even swathed in the exact shades of Blue Serena had so often worn.

 

Laying a handful of coins on the counter in front of the patroness Thera crossed the room with her eyes transfixed. Buying the doll simply because she carried Serena’s image was foolish, but Thera was willing to play the fool if it gave her a link to her past. As she grew closer to the doll she wondered if its smooth skin would carry any of her former lover’s warmth. Would her scent cause an eruption, and make Thera quiver? It was almost perverse… Could a doll less than three hand tall replaces a woman full grown?

 

Unbidden her hand reached out to brush a few strands of hair from the perfect face, out of emerald green eyes. ……..

 

Smooth silk, soft and warm brushed her finger tips and Thera’s arm began to tingle, fire coursed through her veins and her cheeks flushed in perfect match to the doll. To hear her name uttered from those angelic lips was too much too bear.

 

The void enveloped her almost before she could blink. Floating in the emptiness the rapid beating of her heart belonged to someone else..the tears threatening eyes were not her own… the shattering of her heart was a distant thing, felt but not absorbed.

 

“Serena” The name rolled from her lips, spoken as a caress even within the void, before she could stop its coming.

 

“You…..you look….” Her mouth worked trying to find a word resplendent enough to describe the captivating beauty before her. “Well…You look well.”

 

Inside her head she screamed and the void very nearly shattered. Well?!?!? Well!! That’s what you say to the old and infirm, not to a flower in full bloom, not to an angel sent from the heavens. Light! Help me!! Emotionally Thera was a puddle on the floor. The flame wavered and flickered out, leaving only tears…..tears and a pit of ice in her stomach.

 

“How…. Are you…… here? Why….I..mean…you are not..I wish….” Clamping her jaw shut Thera struggled to regain composure, if she fell apart now she was unsure she would be able to pick up the pieces.

 

In a gift from the Light Lyss tottered up with a gorgeous dark haired doll in her hands; holding it up, pride beaming in her eyes. “This is her momma, this is Bell! She is weady to come home wiff us.” Scrubbing her hands against her cheeks Thera knelt down to examine the doll. “She is beautiful bunny. She is perfect.” Looking over her daughters head and up into deep green eyes Thera hoped Serena knew that those words had not been meant for the doll.

 

[SerenaMorrigan]

Flames burned in Serena’s cheeks as she opened her mouth to speak. Her throat made a strained squeaking sound as words refused to form on her lips. Warm eyes stared into hers as she said something was…”perfect”. What was perfect? Had she really been telling Serena that, and not her daughters’ doll? Although her chest was tightening as if her heart were in a vice, Thera’s words, drifting off of her beautiful soft lips had been a comfort to her. Her voice was melodious and caressed the Aes Sedai’s ears, making the hair on the back of her neck stand on end as if she had been electrified.

 

“How…. Are you…… here? Why….I..mean…you are not..I wish…." Thera had stumbled over her words. This great warrior of a woman was diminished to a stuttering girl, just as Serena had felt. No, she’s done better than I. Words won’t even come out of my blasted mouth! However, it was a comfort, nonetheless. 

 

Wait... What was it that she had ‘wished’? Could it be possible that the woman still felt the same way that she did? Or was she still just so incredibly destroyed over the annulment of their incredible Bond, of duty AND soul, that she was too angry to even speak? The tightness in her chest gripped at her throat, and Serena ached to wrap her arms around Thera. Were those magnificently ardent eyes misting over with tears? Oh, Light!

 

 

 

Aes Sedai were to be like rocks in times of need, strife, and danger; never to give into their emotions or think impulsively, lest it be the demise of a larger cause. Servants of All, in the Old Tongue…yet, they were forced to deny their own needs and emotions in the stead of relieving and assisting those in need, casting aside the human desire for love and the intensity of a relationship with another being. Granted, it was said that the intensity of channeling the One Power should be enough for any woman channeling it, and it was a glorious and addictive substance at that; but never did it embrace you, the way you embraced it. Never, did you feel the heat of its’ skin pressed up against yours. Never, did its’ lips caress yours with  gentle or fervent passion.

 

  Feeling weak and weathered from her struggle to keep her emotions trapped inside a metal box within her soul, Serena could stand it no longer and dropped to her knees like a rock being tossed into a stream. She sunk to the hard wooden floor and let her emotions wash over her like a current. Shaking, her hand reached out to cradle the smooth and warm skin of woman she knew she would always love, whether the feeling was mutual or not. Her fingers trembled as she feared the other woman would refuse her touch and cringe away from her. The exhilarating tingle of the woman’s flesh encouraged her to continue on. A tear streaked down Thera’s cheek and onto Serena’s hand, and glistened on her skin. The Saldaean woman had not ever thought that her former Gaidar could be anymore beautiful, but in this moment…she was bathed in ethereal splendor. Divine Beauty.

 

“Thera,” She whispered again and tears shimmered in her eyes and spilled down her ivory cheeks. “I am.. so sorry…” She wanted to tell the woman how she thought of her always; how, in the peaceful moments before bed, or in the midst of battle, it was Thera who crept into her mind. She wanted to tell her she loved her, and craved to be held in her arms once more. There was so much she wanted…

 

“I never stopped…” …loving you, yearning for you.. Her emerald eyes drifted towards the beautiful little toddler, who stared back and forth between the two of them with wide eyes and wonder. Serena smiled at the girl, then winced and let tears stream down her cheeks. The aching in her chest persevered, threatening to crush her through her sternum. The small woman pushed up onto her feet, and as she rose she leaned forward, gently held Thera’s head in her hands, and kissed her beloved on the forehead. The same surging spark from their touch earlier tingled on her lips, and she craved more.

 

With all the force in the world, she stood, and turned away from the one she knew she was tied eternally to. Her heart cracked and shattered and she thought her knees might give way once more, but she willed her legs to hold her. I cannot put that child through any pain. It is not just Thera anymore, and she is bloody married and with a child! Damn you, woman! She cursed herself.

 

The only way she did not look back, was by picturing the child’s face. Serena could not bare to hurt anyone she loved anymore, especially to marr the innocence of a child for her own selfish needs. It was more than a need, though…it was a yearning. An aching, painful yearning for her love.

 

 

Serena Morrigan

Blue Ajah

 

[Eqwina]

In a toy shop on a bustling street in the heart of Tar Valon the world stood still. Two star crossed lovers met again and the sky was aflame with passion, and the streets flooded with pain. Caught in the tidal wave of emotion was a child.  A toddler innocent and pure, curious beyond reason, and mesmerized by her mother’s tears and an ageless face. 

 

Little Lyss had an idle fascination with Aes Sedai. As much as any two year old could with something seldom in her sight. Often when she played with her dolls they were of the Green Ajah, and always off in the Blight performing heroic deeds. It was a notion that made Thera’s heart clench and stomach drop. No mother could be comfortable with her daughter slaying Trollocs and dashing off to the Blight; even in innocent play. For a moment her own mothers face passed in front of her eyes and Thera felt a relief that her she would never have to face that fear. Seldom could happiness be found in her mother’s early death, but this surely seemed to be one…… a light spot in darkness.

 

 

A porcelain doll hung from the child’s hand, forgotten in the drama that unfolded around her. Lyss’s glittering eyes shone as she stared wide eyed between Thera and Serena; her ears drinking in every word as surely as her eyes caught every movement.

 

Thera suddenly became all too conscious of her daughters eyes as Serena’s soft fingers brushed her cheek. Had fingers ever felt so luxurious? She wanted to reach out and return the caress, but her arms were rooted at her sides and her legs quivered too hard for her to be able to stand.

 

 

Lips softer than silk met her forehead and Thera shivered. The aroma of spiced wine, and the hot tingle of burned down coals tickled Thera’s nose and it was as if the years between them melted away. She was barely twenty again and the world was hers to conquer…..hers and Serena’s.  There was no fear of losing her because the surety in Thera’s heart told her that she would die before letting go of such an Angel…..she would die if her angel died. Looking into eyes filled with tears that mirrored her own Thera knew. It was like a thunder bolt to her chest, and the world collapsed around her. Legs normally strong failed and she crumpled to the ground in a heap. Looking like a crumpled rag left discarded by the road she panted and stared wide eyed at the floorboards beneath her cheek.  There was no doubt left within her. It may have been a memory of being young she was seeing in her mind and reflected in Serena’s eyes, but the surety she felt was not a dream. It was as real now as it had been then, perhaps more so. Perhaps made stronger by their time apart.

 

..But what would this mean for her and Jasine? For Lyss and the family she was so desperately trying to salvage?

 

 

A gentle chime like a soft summer’s breeze pulled Thera from her  shocked reverie. Her eyes followed Serena’s retreating form and another certainty leapt into the forefront of her mind. She couldn’t let her walk away again.

The last time she’d seen Serena walk away with tears staining her cheeks had been the night their bond was annulled….she could not live through that again and she had to live. For Lyss…for her students….for her Aes Sedai. Even the years between them could not make the beautiful pixie any less her own.

 

 

…………She would die before letting go of such an Angel……… the voice repeated in her head and Thera felt sure of what she had to do.

 

 

Peeling herself off the ground she smiled down at Lyss, a touch sadly, and scooped the child into her arms. “The Aes Sedai that was just here…Mommy has to go after her. Can you stay here and play with your dolls and wait for me?” Pudgy hands reached up to brush tears away from her cheeks for the second time that day, and Thera’s smile was no longer as sad.”Yes momma. Just don cwy.” Their fate would be uncertain if she walked out that door, but her daughters unconditional love made her sure that she had to try.

 

 

Placing  her daughter lovingly into the shopkeeper’s arms her eyes carried harder threats than she would voice near tender ears. “I will be back as soon as I can. Take care of her as you would your own. I would count it a small loss to harm anyone who harmed her.” With another huge smile and a kiss Thera bolted from the toy shop and out into the streets.

 

The bustle that always filled the city seemed twice as loud, and the bodies pressing through the throng seemed endless. She would never find her in this Pushing her way back towards the Tower by the most direct route she made decent time, and no shortage of enemies. Curses and shouts followed in her wake. Without her uniform to distinguish her rank she simply looked like a woman on a Mission; no one to be feared or deferred too.

 

The looming gates of the Tower stood open, as they always did, and there was no sign of Serena. Pacing up and down Thera grumbled under her breath and struggled between going back for her daughter and waiting for a chance of love.

 

She had responsibilities and duties but at this moment she knew they could all be damned if only she could see Serena one last time. To be able to say all the words that boiled within her heart.

 

Suddenly it was as if the clouds parted…. rays of light shot down from the heavens and illuminated the perfect little Aes Sedai. It was now or never. The Light did not grant many chances such as this and Thera did not intend to be left wondering ‘What If’. 

 

Her long legs carried her quickly across the paving stones quickly. Before Serena’s eyes had time to grow wide she’d wrapped her in a tight embrace. It wasn’t proper to display such things in public, but propriety and the White Tower be damned!

 

Her arms tightened and she buried her face into the smooth skin of her lover’s neck. Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes and allowed the ecstasy to wash over her. How many nights had she lain awake dreaming of this moment? How many times had she prayed to the Light to show her the way? Her lips nearly quivered with the desire to plant kisses along her exposed skin, but she held those emotions tight. Clinging to the feeling of her, and the warmth of her return embrace. She was afraid that if she let go, or let up for a moment all of this would fade away into a dream and she would wake to find herself still bitter and still alone.

 

“Serena…I have missed you,more than words…more than…than the birds would miss the sky.” Her face colored at saying such a foolish thing, but she couldn’t stop the torrent now that it had begun. “I need you…I need to be alone with you, to see you, to....” No, there would be time to find out if she returned those feelings, and in the square outside the Tower gates was not that time.  “ Can we talk, tonight?” She murmured softly into her velvet hair, but still her voice quivered with desire…and fear. “Please.” Thera was not a woman who begged, but she was willing to give up anything…anything but Lyss, to be able to see Serena again.

 

Thera Trakelyn

Hopeful

 

[SerenaMorrigan]

Gasping from shock and surprise of the feel of well-toned arms wrapping her up into a swift embrace, Serena reached out to the One Power to Shield herself from whatever strange attack that had just occurred. Her mind was wrapped up in a mechanical wheel of thoughts of worry, anxiety and “what-if”. The corners of her eyes burned with threatening tears, and as she was swept up by this strange force, the tears fell. A beautiful scent of lavender and rosemary filled her nostrils as gorgeous red hair caressed her face. Soft skin nuzzled up against her neck, and even velvet-like lips grazed her neck.

 

An ample bosom pressed up against her own, and it seemed to heave deliciously with each breath. Thera! Serena cried out in her mind as she released her touch on the True Source. There was no threat here. Light, she had wanted and willed for this moment to occur, and now…she could do nothing but wrap her arms around the other woman.

 

Her right hand wrapped behind Thera and up into her hair. She cradled the back of her former Gaidar’s head and gently ran her fingers through hair like spun red-gold.

 

“Thera…” Her tears streaked down her cheeks.

 

Pulling away from the other woman, she placed both of her hands on either side of Thera’s face and looked deeply into those warm caramel ones. She had yearned for so long to be wrapped back up in their warmth, to be all that those eyes could see when it came to matters of the heart. Tilted emerald eyes sparkled with love and tears that had not trickled down her face with the others, yet. Aes Sedai should not act like this, not in public, and definitely not mere steps from outside the Tower walls. Serena cast aside all care for trivial things like rules of etiquette. This was the woman she loved, for the sake of the Creator, and all things holy!

 

Not a care in the world, except for the one she loved. Light, her heart ached.

 

“I have never…ever…stopped…” Should she tell her she still loved her? How could she not? She didn’t want to frighten the woman off by using such strong words, and after she had turned her back on Thera years ago. Not finishing her sentence, she pulled the woman’s face towards hers and she placed her lips upon Thera's. The same surge of electric passion that had ignited from a mere touch of their hands, seemed to magnify as their supple lips met. To Serena, at least, it was as if the whole world had stopped moving and just the two of them remained.

 

Pulling away from the kiss was as hard as pulling to magnets apart. Her soul ached for their bodies to be touching, for their lips to meet once more, and to be wrapped in each other’s arms. Small ivory hands remained cradling Thera’s head as Serena pulled away slowly. Her eyes closed and she pressed her forehead against Thera’s.

 

“Please, let’s meet.” She whispered breathlessly