Onsets of Madness (Open)

[Kael]

OOC: Leangth warning: Forgive me my ramblings and repeats. I had a lot of time on my hands on my vaca

 

Sanity, the absence of all impurities of the mind. The pure innocence of mind that keeps the ability to think, feel and love is the essence of the life of man. Taken for granted by men, as they do not believe anything could ever take their mind from them. They play, work, love, live without fear. Why they do not fall to their knees and praise the light for their fortune is beyond comprehension. The ability to destroy an entire city with a wave of the hand does not come without a price. The daily fear of madness is near to paralyzing at times Near to a man this Tower would give their ‘gift’ to live the path of a normal person. To have the sins of there past erased from the Pattern.

 

Black becomes an appropriate color for we Guardians of Truth and Justice. Many of our lives, past and present, are closer to Dark than Light/ We lust for revenge against those that spurn us. We are Grey. Neither fully Light nor Dark, Black or White, Good or Evil. We are after all, only human. We fight against the Dark, both within our selves and in the present world. We fight half of our souls for the salvation of the rest of the world. Feeling neither dead nor alive as our two halves eat away at one another and in the end take out mind. With our madness come a release and a prison. Without the mind you lose the capacity to love, to feel. And without that what is the point of living.

 

Is this what causes our inevitable madness. This warring of persona’s, and not fully this Taint all evil is blamed upon. The knowledge that we are doomed, by choice or by fate, to retain the scorn and hatred of those we are fighting to protect, driving us madness as we harbor our intentions of light and dark. One part of us wishing to protect those that scorn us, the other wishing to lash out and destroy them. Can succumbing to one half of your nature, accepting only one half of your soul whether Light or Dark, prevent the madness? Or is being of the Grey dooming us to oblivion? Or perhaps a larger question, is submitting to only half of oneself even possible?

 

Or perhaps these are only the desperate wishes of a desperate man, hoping to escape his fate? A man wishing to be normal, refusing to lose his mind, his ability to love. A man not much older than a boy trying to cling to a childish dream of salvation. Wishing that the burden of protecting, fighting could pass to another.

 

Or are these simply the ravings of a madman? The Onsets of Madness guiding the pen across the page. My mind beginning to fade as the one Power courses through my veins, taking my self with it.

 

Everything fades with time; the wind and rain erode even the mightiest of mountains unyielding and stalwart as they are. Kings and Queens pass by and even the mighty empires they leave behind pass into legend, fade into myth and are forgotten. Ages come and go, the Wheel of time turns grinding all to dust until even then they are reborn to a new fate.

 

Here are the pages that tell the stories of the Ashaman, the Guardians. Untainted by retelling, told simply by a hero, monster, guardian, and madman, Executioner. My brothers and I are called many things, but for myself I do not wish to be called anything. I do not seek glory, or recognition. I am but a simply man trying to tell the truth behind the myth and lies, try and clear the name of the Ashaman. I only try and show we are not an abomination, we Ashaman. We are only cursed souls without home or acceptance anywhere but here at the Black Tower, no family but out brothers in black. This is our story.

 

Let the Dragon ride again upon the Winds of Time. Oh all ye people of the earth, weep for your Salvation.

 

Rion Adamar

Formerly of House Adamar

Ashaman of the Black Tower

 

Rion blew lightly on the drying ink of his signature. It was slightly pretentious at the moment, signing Ashaman. But then again, by the time he had finished this book he would be able to claim both the dragon pin sword pin. Carefully Rion removed the pen from above the still drying ink, and wiped it off on his shirt adding to the numerous other stains invisible on his coat.

 

Rion dipped into Saidin, sliding through the taint and wove a thread of air to settle over the page. That would let it dry as well as keep it safe from damage or smudging. With a content grin Rion moved the page to a side table in Dashiva’s sitting room and slipped both pen and inkwell into a coat pocket.

 

Rion lifted his head and smiled at Jocelyn curled in a chair across from him, her little red book open in front of her. Rion bit his lip unconsciously as he watched her for a few moments, his heart quickening by just the mere sight of her.

 

Do you truly love her boy? Rion stopped midway up the stairs and though about the question. He knew the answer but it never hurt to make sure in your mind.

 

The simply fact that he was comfortable with a foreign voice in his head should have made Rion terrified, fear for his sanity that he could calmly converse with a voice. The man, it was a man’s voice after all, had spoken rarely at first but it had grown steadily since he had first heard it. Rion had told no one, afraid of what might happen to him if someone knew. A cup of wine followed by an endless sleep.

 

Yes, for better of for worse. Is this what love is, what it feels like? I have never been in love before and this feeling inside of me is like nothing I have ever felt. She will scorn you, mock you. She is only playing with you, toying with you. To a Domani you are a simple thing to wrap around her finger. She will merely use you for her own gains and cast you away when she is done. Kiss means nothing to her, merely something to pass the time.

 

Rion couldn’t think of anything to say to. True Jocelyn was Domani, but she had sworn, or near enough, that she loved him and would never leave. The look in her eyes was too much to have been a lie. He knew that sharing a kiss with Jocelyn meant the world and more to him, if not to her. And to that Rion didn’t think that Jocelyn could fake an emotion such as love easily. Of course, Rion barely knew what love was.

 

She wouldn’t, couldn’t. She swore. You are naïve boy. Go out into the world, kill a man and lay with a woman and tell me what someone can and cannot do.

 

Again Rion’s mental self had nothing to say to the darkness inside of him. How opposite the voice was from him was one of the most surprising things about it. His darkness, warring with his light. The deeper parts of his soul, the Darkness that made him Grey. The conflict in everyman and woman ending only with death.

 

Your silence is amusing boy, but you cannot ignore the truth or me. I am always here. I am as much a part of you as the Taint. You cannot control me. Are you sure of that boy. Do you know where you are. Rion started; he was standing in his room, pen and ink sitting on his bed stand. You didn’t do that. Did I? Are you willing to risk that? To believe that?

 

Rion began to ignore the voice, pushing it away from his consciousness. Perhaps the only good thing about having this familiarity was that he had learned to silken the voice. Descending back into the sitting room Rion took his seat across from Jocelyn once again. Jocelyn was still reading with a small smile on her face.

 

Rion tried to be as quiet as possible as he descended into his chair, not wanting to disturb Jocelyn. He folded his legs beneath him and for once, simply sat doing nothing. He rested his chin on his hand as he lost himself in his thoughts Rion sat oblivious to the rest of the world; even Jocelyn was forgotten for a few moments. He paused to contemplate his unwanted companion.

 

Self-pity began to well up inside of him. Why should he go mad now, he had only bee channeling for a year while many of those around him had been for years upon years and suffered nothing. Of course, perhaps madness came in steps and he was simply feeling an early on occurrence. Do not dissemble boy. We are not mad. I am simply trying to make you stronger. You cannot make me strong. How can hate make you stronger? Hate is not what I preach, another misconception of yours boy. But hate can take you far. When you learn to kill learn to harness your anger, to think of oneself only then can you go far in this word.

 

 

 

Rion shook his head slightly, an unconscious movement. It was a slight movement, sending his hair quivering and his chin chafing against his knuckles. Why me? Why did you chose me? Why can you not accept it boy? There is no you, there is no I in the end. We. We are and forever will be the same person, two sides of the same coin. You did not chose since we are the same person. But why? For once no answer was forthcoming, it seemed that he did not know why he had come into existence besides Rion going mad.

 

Should I…should Tell? Why so then you will get a cup of wine and slowly drift to a sleep that never ends? But Jocelyn should.. That little chit deserves nothing from you. You say we are the same but how can you not love her with how much I do? Love clouds your mind and dulls your senses. Another weakness you allow yourself to indulge in.

 

Rion finally began to push away the voice, ignoring its sadistic mutterings. Rion buried his face in his hands as he felt the beginning s of tears forming in his eyes. For so long the only thing Rion had wished for was to study Saidin and the power, but now he had found the woman he genuinely wished to spend the rest of his life with and things had begun to change.

 

Give it up? Saidin is the greatest tool you could ever use. I don’t want it anymore, not if I lose Jocelyn because of it. Rion shut his eyes for a brief moment, closing out the familiar tirade that came with the mention of Jocelyn or love. He looked up and rubbed his eyes to clear them as well as gin some composure. There was no need to start blubbering in the middle of the room after all. Out of the corner of his eye Rion looked at Jocelyn briefly before turning away once again. He knew in his heart that he would one day marry that woman, nothing else really mattered anymore. But whether to tell her his secret was still undecided.

 

You cannot tell her, just kill her instead. No, I relent. Tell her, and then kill her. I would suggest, perhaps, a more moderate approach. You must tell her about u, but only when you know she can handle the information. We? We? Who are you. Does it truly matter Child of Light? Would you truly wish to know?

 

Rion shuddered, the voice lighter than the Dark one was still not his own. Light he was truly mad now. You are here to stay then. I am finally moving foreword with my madness. Why should that scare you? What does having a voices of reason speak to you scare you so? Be quiet you flaming sound of a goat kissing chit. I am trying to make this boy stronger. That could be why.

 

Rion was suddenly terrified and his hands began to shake under his chin and on his knee. He was conversing calmly with 2, 2, voices inside his head.

 

You fear and show another weakness. Nothing is what you must strive for, to fear nothing. Be feared by all and fear nothing. Fear is a natural concept of human life. To fear is natural and tells you are still alive. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence and the will to go on. Fear is only a weakness that must be crushed like all of your enemies.

 

Rion’s hands were trembeling as he pressed his palms against the side of his head. He silently pleaded for something to help him, something to save him.

 

The light cannot take us away Child of Light. The Mind of Darkness and I are apart of you forever. For once I agree with him boy. Go take your girl you lose so much and have her celebrate with you somewhere quiet. The cackling inside of his head sent another shiver coursing down his spine.

 

Be quiet. We cannot go away Child. At east try and be cordial. You cannot get away from me that easily boy. “Be quiet.†Rion’s voice was little more than a whisper but in the quiet it carried enough for Jocelyn at least to hear him.

 

The color drained from his face and Rion fled. He stood, not quit running from the room but going very close. The door slammed behind him as Rion fled into the Farm. Light what had he done Light what had he done. He wasn’t ready for Jocelyn to know, to suspect. He didn’t know how Jocelyn would react. Light he couldn’t let her know he was mad. Shouldn’t have ran then fool, a little suspicious that. If she loves you she will understand, if she truly believes what she says. Why should he care if she understands He should kill her, cut off his distraction. Be Quiet!

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

Jocelyn sighed contentedly, looking over the top of her book as Rion wrote. How had she come to be so lucky? She had the love of the sweetest man she had ever encountered, and she loved him in return, with all of her heart. It was strange, but that was enough. If she had Rion, she had all she ever needed. Some may look at her and think she is crazy, forced to live in a ramshackle village full of men that channelled, men doomed to go mad. Kept away from her family and friends, all her worldy possessions...but none of that mattered. She had all she needed, right there, in the room with her, grinning triumphantly as he set aside his book. Her Rion.

 

With a small smile she turned her eyes back to her book, her legs curled beneath her as she read. She looked up again briefly as he walked past, smiling a little to herself as she admired his backside before it was gone from view. If anyone had told her she would fall for a man like Rion, she would have laughed in their faces. But now, she could not imagine life without him, had never felt so wanted and secure, never lost herself so much in someone's kiss, the warmth of his embrace. It may have taken some time, but Jocelyn had come to realize that her life was empty and meaningless without Rion. And she was never going to let him go.

 

Jocelyn sensed more than saw Rion return as she became engrossed in her book. She had read it more times than she dared count, but loved it all the same. She was so ensnared in her favourite part she didn't notice Rion's head in his hands, the anguish on his face. But she heard the softly spoken words as they sent a chill down her spine. “Be quiet.†Jocelyn lifted her head, confused. She hadn't spoken, had she? They were the only two in the room. She just caught Rion's horrified expression as he hurried from the room, the resounding thud of the door slamming causing Jocelyn to jump.

 

What was going on? Worry creased her brow as she set her book aside, slowly unfolding herself as she stood. Rion had looked..so anguished, Jocelyn couldn't help but worry. Especially the way he had just run like that, without a word. Light, he had only been channeling for a year, surely there was something bothering him that he hadn't mentioned, he couldn't be going mad...could he? She pushed the thought from her mind. Of course not. She wouldn't let that happen.

 

Jocelyn crossed to the door, mind churning as she stepped out, intent on finding Rion. Whatever was wrong, she would do all that she could to help, to make things better. No matter what it was...if he was unhappy then so was she. Light, she just hoped she hadn't done anything to cause more problems, she had done enough to hurt Rion to last a lifetime, and if she had to spend the rest of her life making up for it, she would. Indeed, it would be preferable to do that as his wife, but she did not want to force the issue, she would not push him. For now, all she wanted was to be there for him, whatever the problem was.

 

She found him a little while later, sitting on the fallen tree-log they had shared so long ago, watching the stars. Now though, he looked far from happy, his head in his hands, pain written plainly across his handsome features. Pain tightened her heart...light she hated to see him like this. "Rion?" She asked hesitatingly as she stepped closer, chewing her lip when he didn't lift his head. Moving closer, she knelt before him, not caring about the dirt as she took his hands gently from his head and held them in her own. She gazed up into his face, concern visible on her features. "What's wrong, my love?" She asked softly, lifting his hand to her lips and kissing it softly, wanting to wipe away whatever was bothering him. "What is it?" She whispered, her emerald gaze seeking out his blue eyes, searching for a sign, a hint of what was making him look so torn.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion tried desperately to shove away the voices arguing inside of him. Pushing one away was simple, but tring to completely force away both was proving nigh impossible. One would argue wth him until he tried to force it away and then the other would resurface and then argue with each other about him.

 

Rion made his way away from Dashiva's house, finally sitting on the fallen tree he and Jocelyn had shared after their trip to Arad Doman. He slid his hands over his eyes. You are a foold boy. Why did you flee from her? It is because you are weak and a coward. What was I to do. Stay and tell her I'm talking to voices in my head! Yes. She deserves to know, even if you don't wish to speak about it to her.

 

Event he void was beyond Rion's capability, it slipped away even as he was only begining to form it. That was the only way he knew to cut them off completely, he had found that out when he had first heard the Darkness. The Darkness? A fitting name, I think I will like that.

 

Rion managed to get the voices down to a muted buzz as he opened his eyes, sensing a presence before he heard it. "Rion?" Here is you chance Child. Tell her, if you love her she deserves that at least. Do not listen to that fool. Tell her sure. Tell her and watch as she changes. Watch as she reveals her true self and gives you only her hate and fear.

 

Rion wathed numbly as Jocelyn took his shaking hands in hers, lifting them to her lips. "What's wrong, my love?" Rion couldn't meet her eyes, turning away "What is it?" Rion bit his lip and blinked back the tears threatening to form as he looked Jocelyn back into her eyes.

 

His mouth worked silently as he tried to form the words for what he was going to say, though he had no idea what he should. The two voices both tried to injerject there opinions, both telling him to tell her for their own reasons only Rion's own mind told him to keep his secret hidden.

 

"I...I can't." Rion shook his head lightly, trying to take his hands away from Jocelyn but unable to pry them away from her grip. He didn't think he could take the possibility of Jocelyn rejecting him. Rion took in a shaky breath. "Jocelyn..." Rion took a deep breath trying to ready himself. "Would you love me, no matter what?"

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

Confusion and concern ebbed back and forth within Jocelyn as she watched Rion struggle within himself, an undefineable expression on his face. What had caused this in him? Why did he look so...torn? She held his gaze unwaveringly, pain clutching at her heart as she saw unshed tears gather in his eyes. Had she done this to him? Had she upset him? Light, she could never live with herself if she hurt the way she did before.

 

Rion tried to pry his hands away, tried to turn from her, but Jocelyn wouldn't let him leave. She wanted things to be open and honest between them, if she had done something, she wanted to know. Whatever it was, they would face it together. There would be no hiding. She tightened her fingers around his slightly, hoping to bring him some sort of reassurance, some sort of reminder that she was there for him, that she would never leave him, ever again. That whatever hurts she may have caused, she would fix them.

 

"Would you love me, no matter what?"Jocelyn blinked, taken aback. So she had done something...or perhaps he had. Confusion raged once more as she searched his gaze. "You still doubt my love?" She asked softly, fighting down the wave of hurt. She shook her head slightly, holding his hands tighter as she kissed them again, lifting her eyes to his as she spoke earnestly. Something in his face made her speak of the love in her heart, made her do her best to convince him, reassure him. What had left him so tormented?

 

"I love you, more than life itself." She told him, never taking her eyes from his. "And I will always love you, to the end of the world and back. Can't you see? Without you, I have nothing. All my hopes, my dreams, everything that is in my heart - is now in your hands. My happiness depends on yours." She lifted a hand to his cheek, stroking it softly, willing him to believe her. "Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you Rion, I promise you that. You hold my heart, for better or worse." She brushed gently at the lone tear that trickled slowly down his cheek, her own eyes glistening. Who, or what, had made him hurt so? "Please Rion, whatever it is, I want to help you, I want to fix it. Please." She urged, her eyes silently pleading for him to let her help. "Tell me what's wrong." Her voice was a mere whisper as she clung to his hand, offering what strength she could, her free hand stroking his cheek in what she hoped was a soothing manner. Whoever had done this to him would suffer, and suffer long, she swore silently.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

"You hold my heart, for better or worse." Rion's spirits lifted somewhat, a small flicker of hope begginging to appear deep inside of him. Maybe...just maybe she would stay with him even if she knew. For better or worse she said, well this was definately a worst situation. She LIES! Can't you see boy? She spins out honey words to lure you inn, I can already feel you accepting what she is saying? Rion pushed the voice away, sliencing it for the time being. The other still remained, but at least this one he could deal with. I beleive she speaks the truth. She shows she loves you as much as you her, go ahead tell her.

 

"Please Rion, whatever it is, I want to help you, I want to fix it. Please. Tell me what's wrong. Light if it were only that simple, if Jocelyn could fix it, take them away. But nothing is ever simple, and this was far from an ordinary circumstance.

 

"I wish it were that simple Jocelyn. But I don't think you can fix this...not this time." Rion closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his next words coming out it little more than a whisper. "Not this time." Rion took one hand from Jocelyn's grip and brushed a thumb across her cheek, taking away the tear that had begun to fall down her cheek. Light he hadn't thought her just seeing him like this would be enough to hurt her.

 

Rion took another slow breath as his hand lingered on Jocelny's cheek, looking into her face. The genuine concern and caring on her face making what he was trying to say harder and easier at the same time. And all for the same reason, love. Anticipation makes all things harder, the what ifs and the maybes that put the worst of a situation to running through your mind.

 

Think your words over carefully perhaps, saying the wrong thing may be worse than saying nothing at all. Oh Light why does this have to be so hard. Love never is. Love is a rose, beautiful and lovely but it still has thorns.

 

"Jocelyn would you still love me even if...." Rion took one last deep breath. Do it Blood and bloody ashes if your going to tell her at least get it over with you bessoted little boy. "even if I was mad, if I had lost my mind," Rion let his hand fall from Jocelyn's cheek, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. "hear voices."

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

"I wish it were that simple Jocelyn. But I don't think you can fix this...not this time." Light, what was it? The longer he took, the more her worry grew, her fear for him. A tear spilled down her cheek, leaving a hot wet trail until Rion caught it with his thumb. Jocelyn turned slightly, pressing her cheek against his palm. He studied her, as though arguing with himself whether or not to tell her.

 

"Jocelyn would you still love me even if....even if I was mad, if I had lost my mind,...hear voices." Jocelyn blinked, not taking her eyes from Rion. Of course she would still love him, she would love him for all of her days, but they had no need to worry about that now, Rion had years ahead of him yet. “Be quiet.†Jocelyn thought back to the sitting room, the quiet words she had dismissed as her imagination. Surely not...

 

She blinked, fresh tears coming to her eyes as she lowered her head, pressing her lips to his fingers as she struggled to gather her thoughts. She loved him, nothing changed that...yet there was no denying she was afraid. Not for herself, Rion would never hurt her, but if he was hearing voices, if channelling was affecting him already...light, she had so many plans, marriage, a family, a lifetime of bliss with Rion...she shook her head. None of that mattered. What mattered was Rion, her sweet, wonderful Rion, and the fact that she loved him, and always would.

 

Ignoring her tears, Jocelyn lifted her head, and smiled tremulously at him. He was all that mattered. "Nothing would ever change my love for you." She whispered, lifting a hand to dash across her eyes, wiping away the tears. "Nothing." She repeated, firmly. Rising, she sat beside him on the log, wrapping her arms about him and drawing him close to her. "I'm not sure what it all means." Jocelyn whispered, as she closed her eyes, holding him tight, as though he may disappear in a moment. "But no matter what, I will always love you, and support you. We will fix this." She promised, pressing hot kisses to his brow and cheeks.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion wathced helplessly as another tear slowly fell down Jocelyn's cheek. He wondered if she had drawn the conclusion he had tried to viel with his words. He could see how much his pain was hurting her, and for that he loved her all the more. But he felt helpless as he had no way to stop the anguish painted on her face.

 

Rion could only try and smile back as Jocelyn looked up into his eyes. "Nothing would ever change my love for you." Rion welcomed the feeling of having Jocelyn's arms around him when she sat next to him. It added a small measure of security in a momemt where he felt alone and completely helpless.

 

She does not yet beleive, your words left enough leeway for her to cling to her hope that you are still fine. How do you know? I do not, but if you were in her position would you beleive? Rion didn't know what he would do, though he doubted his heart would allow him to beleive the worst.

 

"But no matter what, I will always love you, and support you. We will fix this." Rion had nothing to say as Jocelyn leaned foreward and kissed him. And despite everything Rionclung to the fact that maybe, just maybe, they would be able to fix it despite the overwhelming knoweldge that it would only get worse.

 

The pain Rion had been feeling inside of him had slowly begun to ebb and dissapear, leaving only a small knot in the pit of his stomach. The worry and trepidation that he would lose the love of his life had begun to die and a smile bloomed on Rion's face as he felt Jocelyn's lips on his cheeks and brows. Wrapping his arms around Jocelyn, Rion caught her lips with his own.

 

With the remains of tears in both their eyes, Rion pulled his head back and broke off the kiss. "I hope so." Rion's voice was lighter, the despair that had thickened it before fading somewhat. Rion buried his face in Jocelyn's neck as a new batch of tears began to form. His voice broke somewhat as he contineued, trying in vain to take control of himself. "Oh Light I hope so."

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

A tiny flicker of relief flooded Jocelyn as Rion returned her embrace. She had still feared that perhaps some of this was her doing, that she had upset him in some way again. Light, but she would rather die than hurt him again. Still, almost anything would be better than his soft admission. Jocelyn still hardly believed it, didn't want to believe it. Rion had so much in front of him, he couldn't go mad now, she wouldn't let him! His warm lips sought hers, and she kissed him back with all the love in her heart. She wouldn't let anything take him away from her! Not now that she had found him. They would have a long and happy life together.

 

"I hope so. Oh Light I hope so." Jocelyn tightened her arms about Rion, a fresh spate of tears falling down her cheeks as he buried his face in her neck, the hot moisture of his own tears breaking her heart. Resting her head against his, she tightened her arms about him, murmuring soft, soothing words. She fought down her own fear, knowing it must be nothing compared to his, if what he had said was true. He didn't deserve this! He didn't deserve any of it, the channelling, the isolation from his family, the knowledge that he was one day doomed to go mad. Light, let it not be this day.

 

"It will be fine, you'll see." She crooned softly, stroking Rion's back, wishing she could feel more certain. What did she have left if she didn't have Rion? A dark, lonely future loomed in front of her, but she hastily squashed the image. No, she would have the life she dreamed of. She would marry her love, and they would have a family, and a long and happy life together. And Rion would remain the same wonderful, intelligent, sane man he was today. Nothing would take that away from her.

 

Gently Jocelyn stroked his hair, before lifting his head, looking down into his forlorn, tear stained face. She just wished there was more she could do. Cupping his cheeks in her hands, she lowered her head to softly, tenderly kiss his lips. Lifting her mouth from his, she gazed into his eyes. "I will not let anything take you from me." She whispered, her gaze earnest and unwavering. "We are going to have a long, and happy life together, a life of love...and of sanity." She said firmly, with more confidence than she felt. Resting her brow against his, she smiled faintly and gently brushed at his tears. "Nothing is going to change that, Rion." She whispered.

 

~Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion slowly mastered his emotions, taking comfort in the extremely soothing gestures Jocelyn was putting forth. He took strengh in having Jocelyn next to him, the soft sounds and the feeling of her hand stroking his back going a long way to help im settle down. He even took a small amount of hope, hoping that everything would be fine.

 

Rion looked up as Jocelyn lifted his head, cupping his hands in his cheeks. His spirits lifted somewhat as she kissed him. He beleived her when she said she wouldn't let anything happen to him, childish perhaps but then when you have nothing left to cling to even the tiniest branch can give you hope as you fall from the cliff. "We are going to have a long, and happy life together, a life of love...and of sanity."

 

A long life, a happy life with Jocelyn. Together. Rion smiled tremulously at the thought, just imagining what his life would be like with a family some day. Those thoughts will lead you to oblivion, letting yourself become attached like that will make you weak. I will marry Jocelyn. As you should if you love her. Pathetic.

 

"Nothing is going to change that, Rion." Rion's smile brightened somewhat as he looked into her eyes. "Promise?" Rion leaned foreward and kissed her softly as she nodded. He beleived her now, that she would love him no matter what. But he still could not bring himself to tell he outright that he was hearing voices.

 

Rion lifted his head sniffing and wiping at his cheeks. "Thank you. And look at me, blubbering like a small child." Rion laughed weakly, though it was still more than he had shown before. "I must looked terrible."

 

A small idea began to form inside Rion's mind as he looked into Jocelyn's eyes, though it would have to wait until later and would require more than a few favors. But he was more sure that he wanted to do this than anything else in his life. Rion took one of Jocelyn's hand in his own, squeezing lightly.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

"Promise?" Jocelyn smiled at Rion, seeing the hope in his eyes, the small smile on his face. She nodded, smiling in return, sighing as he kissed her softly. "Thank you. And look at me, blubbering like a small child. I must looked terrible."His soft laugh was half-hearted, but at least he seemed to be gathering some control.

 

Jocelyn shook her head firmly with a smile. "You will always look wonderful to me." She told him, reaching out to stroke his cheek lovingly, some of her concern falling away, though she couldn't help but wonder. He hadn't out right said he heard voices, but would he get this upset from just the possibility of slowly losing his mind? She didn't know, but she wasn't going to ask him, not now. She didn't like seeing him upset. She would just have to trust that he would tell her if anything happened.

 

Fishing in her bodice, Jocelyn withdrew a handkerchief and held it out to him with a smile, stroking his neck affectionately as he wiped at his face. "Don't you apologise, Ive shed more than enough tears on your clothes." She joked with a small smile. "Besides, you have no need to hide anything from me." She said honestly, leaning forward to softly kiss his brow, before shifting to rest her head on his shoulder.

 

With a smile Jocelyn looked up at the clear sky, her mind drawn back to a starry night some time ago. "Do you remember that night, when we came back from Bandar Eban?" She asked, resting her hand on his thigh, the fond memory curving her lips in a smile. "I think I was already head over heels in love with you then." She chuckled, before lifting her head slightly to look into his eyes. "And my love only grows with each passing day." Jocelyn whispered, smiling up into the face of the man she loved. No matter what.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion took the offered handkerchief with a nod of thanks, opening his mouth to apologize for the wet spot on her shoulder. Wiping at his cheeks off and handing it back. "Don't you apologise, Ive shed more than enough tears on your clothes." Rion could not help but smile, remembering the when he had met Jocelyn and the times she had cried on his shoulder. How he had felt when she had, so much different from now, when he had wished he had been anywhere else but where he was. "Besides, you have no need to hide anything from me.â€

 

No need to hide anything. And despite everything Rion began to feel guilty by just hearing those simple words. He shouldn’t hide this, especially something this big from Jocelyn. But his guilt was not enough to overcome his fear. Even if that fear was rather irrational.

 

"Do you remember that night, when we came back from Bandar Eban?" Rion smiled. He would never forget that night, he would never forget any single moment he spent with Jocelyn. He wrapped an arm around Jocelyn’s waist as she put a hand on his thigh. "I think I was already head over heels in love with you then. And my love only grows with each passing day."

 

Rion smiled brightly, for a moment the despair of before forgotten. Rion leaned foreword and kissed Jocelyn softly; lifting his head he tightened his arm around her waist for a moment. “I love you Jocelyn.†Rion chuckled lightly. “It’s still strange thinking that sometimes. I a year ago someone would have told me a beautiful Domani would come into my life and steal my heart I would never have believed him in my wildest dreams.â€

 

Rion reached out a hand and gave one of Jocelyn’s a gentle squeeze. “And I probably would have fainted if they had told me it would be you. To tell you the truth, I was terrified the first time I met you.†Rion smiled sheepishly but it was the truth. “And now I don’t want anything but to spend the rest of my life with you.â€

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

Jocelyn smiled, resting against Rion's side. Nothing quite compared to the simple pleasure of being held securely in his embrace, just the comfort of having him near was enough to make her feel like she had come home. “I love you Jocelyn.†Jocelyn smiled brightly. Who would have thought four simple words could mean so much? She chuckled along with Rion, she often found it amusing, how love worked. She would never have dreamed to fall for someone like him, but indeed she had.

 

“And I probably would have fainted if they had told me it would be you. To tell you the truth, I was terrified the first time I met you. And now I don’t want anything but to spend the rest of my life with you.†Jocelyn couldn't help but giggle, shifting so she could look up into his face, some of her familiar teasing returning, now that he appeared at ease once more. "You mean to say you are not terrified of me anymore?" She asked, a mock glare on her face, though her eyes twinkled with amusement. "Obviously I am losing my touch." She teased.

 

She grinned at the face he pulled, remembering just how he used to react when she yelled. "Don't worry my sweet, I will be sure to make sure I argue every point with you, so you don't think I've changed too much." His eyes widened and his mouth opened, no doubt to protest, but Jocelyn leant forward and silenced him with a kiss. "And a promise that one day you will get used to me teasing you." She murmured cheekily, rubbing her nose against his.

 

Kissing him softly again, Jocelyn smiled. "But we have the rest of our lives for you to grow accustomed to it." She sighed softly, contentedly. "I like the sound of that. Spending the rest of my life with you." She grinned broadly. "Light, let us live so long I lose track of my age." She stroked his cheek softly, affectionately. "And may I still be able to make you blush every day." She added, in a cheeky whisper, for the moment glad to have Rion diverted, his mood once again happy.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion pulled a rather childish face though he doubted Jocelyn was losing her touch, if she wanted to he had no doubt she could scare him senseless; there were few who couldn't. A good thing then that she didn’t try, it would be rather akward to be in love with a person who frightened you. "Don't worry my sweet, I will be sure to make sure I argue every point with you, so you don't think I've changed too much.â€

 

Rion opened his mouth to speak his mind how silly that would be, she didn’t truly mean every point? He was silence immediately as Jocelyn pressed her lips against his. "And a promise that one day you will get used to me teasing you." Rion blushed softly, though the day he got used to her teasing him would probably be the day she stopped. At least he didn’t think anything would change any time soon.

 

“I like the sound of that. Spending the rest of my life with you. Light, let us live so long I lose track of my age." Rion smiled, leaning his cheek into Jocelyn’s hand. Her words cemented his resolve for what he had been thinking. It would still take a few weeks more to prepare everything. At least he was almost certain of what Jocelyn’s answer would be. He wanted everything to be perfect though. "And may I still be able to make you blush every day."

 

Rion blushed softly as if on cue. “Every few moments would be more likely with you.†Rion smiled sheepishly, but made no effort to hide the blush staining his cheeks. “The day you stop making me blush will be the day the world ends. You always have one thing or another that you do to make me turn red.â€

 

Rion smiled and patted Jocelyn’s knee with the hand wrapped around her waist. “And I would have it no other way.†It was true. And although it led to awkward and embarrassing situations and had the tendency to turn Rion’s world upside down he would always enjoy her making him blush as surely as she enjoyed making him.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

Jocelyn smiled, amused at Rion's answering blush. Something told her she would never grow tired of seeing it. “The day you stop making me blush will be the day the world ends. You always have one thing or another that you do to make me turn red.†Jocelyn chuckled, wondering if he knew the half of what she could do to make him blush. She grinned mischieviously at him, glad to hear he would have it no other way, because she found she was often unable to help herself. Like now.

 

"I'm sure I could come up with plenty of things to make you blush." She smirked at him, a playful glint in her eyes. "One day soon I will even show you them, but for now..." She leant forward and lowered her voice to a whisper as she cheekily gave him a brief idea of just what she would like to do to him when they were alone. Her lips teasingly brushed his ear as she spoke, before she lifted her head, satisfied with the hue of his cheeks, the way his eyes were open wide.

 

Of course, Jocelyn had no intention of teaching him anything of the sort until she worked out how to get him to propose, but Rion didn't need to know that. Smiling adoringly at Rion, she kissed his cheek before standing, taking his hand. "Come now, I am starving, and I managed to pilfer some jam from the inn, I will share it with you." She tugged Rion to his feet, but instead of leading the way, she paused, stepping close to him for a moment and sliding her hands around his waist, resting her head on his chest as she hugged him.

 

"I meant what I said before." She said softly. "Whatever happens, we will face together." Loathe to bring up the mood of before, Jocelyn still lifted her head to gaze at him seriously, though she smiled at him in a way she hoped was reassuring. The thought of Rion losing his wits was truly terrifying, but she wanted him to know she would love him no matter what came their way. Stepping back, she looped her arm with his, leaning close to his side as they walked.

[Kael]

Rion's stomach fluttered and his pulse quickened as he listened increduluosly to Jocelyn's ideas of what she wanted to show him. The light teasing touch of her lips against his ear added desire to the rising emotions inside of him. He swallowed difficultly, his eyes as wide as teacups. Light he had never felt more of an innocent at the revelations some of Jocelyn's words.

 

"Come now, I am starving, and I managed to pilfer some jam from the inn, I will share it with you." Rion rose slowly, still slightly shocked at Jocelyn's bold words. He nodded stupidly at her words, and was suprised when instead of leading Jocelyn stepped close to him, hands around his waist and her head resting on his chest.

 

He regained his state of mind, and wrapped his own arms around her wondering what it was she could want. "Whatever happens, we will face together." Rion smiled though he couldn't think of anything to say. His smiled remained as she looped her arm with his and they began walking the path that minutes ago Rion had fled along.

 

Facing us? She seems confident for someone who can do nothing to stop you from going insane. But then again, she seems intent to get you along and make you a man. Maybe she will live for a time being. She clings to the hope that love so foolishgly gives out. Even the boy clings to it. So you agree, this hope is a weakness. Finally! No. Hope is what will keep him alive.

 

Rion swallowed though he showed no other signs of the voices inside of him. But he was terrified, they had never actually spoken to each other directly. Always replying to the other by speaking to him. But now, well, they seemed to almost be evolving. Terrified, though he was determined not to show it. For Jocelyn's sake so that she would not be as worried as she had been. He would tell her outright someday, but not today.

 

A small semblance of the somber mood before returned during the walk back to Dashiva's house as he struggled to quiet the voices while trying not to show he was. The reasurring streangth of the pressure of Jocelyn at his side gave him the ability to wrestle his mind to relative silence as he opened the door for Jocelyn, letting her pass through the door before him.

 

She turned to watched as Rion stepped through and on impulse Rion stepped close and letting the door close on its own. He wrappped his arms around her waist and leaned his head in kissing her as thouroughly as he knew how. He broke off after a few seconds. "Thank you Jocelyn. For everything." His words spoke of her comforting him outside, but in his mind it was also for the streangth she had unkowingly given to him as they walked back to the house.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

Jocelyn tried to keep her mind on happier things as she walked with Rion, wanting to push the earlier incident far from her mind. She was far too happy with Rion to let any negative thoughts spoil her joy. Besides, like she had said, whatever happened, she would stand by him. She loved him far too much to sit idly by why he worried himself into a blather.

 

Reaching the house, Jocelyn entered first and turned to watch Rion enter, a small smile playing about her lips. For the first time she wondered what it would be like to have a house to themselves, just her and Rion. The house was somewhat quieter now that Isha had left, but there was still Racelle and Dashiva. While she was wondering about the possibility, she was suddenly taken by surprise as Rion swept her up in his arms and kissed her until she was breathless. Light, but he had proved a fast learner, his kisses always leaving her giddy and yearning for more.

 

"Thank you Jocelyn. For everything." She chuckled softly, a light tinkling of laughter as she lifted her palms to frame his face gently. "You are more than welcome, my love, though if you are going to thank me like that I should see what I can do for you more often." She grinned at him, leaning up to kiss his lips tenderly. "Anything for you." She added, rubbing her nose playfully against his.

 

"Well now, much as I could quite happily spend an eternity in your arms, my stomach is begging for food." She smiled and slowly disentangled herself, though she kept hold of Rion's hand, leading him to the kitchen. "Now you sit yourself down and I'll see about lunch." She said, depositing him in a chair and dropping a kiss in his hair before bustling about the small kitchen, gathering fresh bread and cheese and some of her procured jam, before taking it back to the table, setting it down in front of Rion before pulling her chair close to his side and sitting herself. "There is nothing quite so sweet as stolen jam." She mused with a grin, spreading some on a slice of bred and passing it to Rion. "And nothing better than sharing the spoils."

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion scrunched his nose and smiled as Jocelyn rubbed hers against his. Anything. A very large promise, and Rion hoped he would not make her regret those words someday. Do you really think she really means anything. The first signs of your madness furthering and she will leave you. I won't beleive that. But you already do. Somewhere inside of you, you do.

 

"Well now, much as I could quite happily spend an eternity in your arms, my stomach is begging for food." Rion nodded, noting the hollow feeling in his stomach as well. He followed Jocelyn into the kitchen, sitting when Jocelyn said and watching her bustle about the kitchen with a small smile.

 

"There is nothing quite so sweet as stolen jam. And nothing better than sharing the spoils." Rion laughed lightly and took the offered bread with a lightly spoken thanks. He took a small bite as Jocelyn took some for herself. It was sweet, and tasted wonderful. But whether it was because it was stolen or because it was just good. He had never actually stolen jam before, so he would have to take Jocelyn's word on it.

 

"It is very good. Thank you my little thief." Rion laughed nudging Jocelyn's knee with his own. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked off the bit of jam that had been left there. "I'll have to try my hand at this jam stealing thing if it's this good. And have the perfect person to share the spoils with." Rion took another piece of bread and spread a thin layer of jam over it. He lifted it to his mouth and took a large bite, leaving a small glob unnoticed on the tip of his nose.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

"It is very good. Thank you my little thief."Jocelyn grinned, liking the way Rion was no longer overly hesitant when it came to physical contact between them, indeed often taking the initiative as he had just now, a simple gesture that spoke volumes of his comfort and affection. She didn't know if she was a thief as such though, the jam not so much stolen but taken without anyone realising it was gone...she imagined if she'd asked for it she would have been given it anyway, but that wasn't the point.

 

Jocelyn stifled a giggle as she admired the jam on Rion's nose, smiling in response to his compliment. On a whim, Jocelyn stood, grinning at Rion's inquisitive look before sitting herself across his lap, looping one arm behind his neck as she lowered her head to lightly flick her tongue over his nose, collecting the jam. She licked her lips and smiled. "Mmm, delicious." Her grin broadened wickedly as she dipped a finger into the jam pot, bringing it to Rion's lips and smearing them with the sticky sweet.

 

"I've discovered a way to make stolen jam all the sweeter." She murmured softly, eyes gleaming with mirth as she softly ran her tongue across his lips, collecting the jam, before pressing her lips to his, her tongue darting into his mouth to let Rion taste the confectionary himself. She lifted her head, grinning down into his flushed face as she stroked his cheek. She would be lying if she said she herself was unaffected by the kiss. Somehow Rion always managed to make her weak at the knees and leave her heart pouding, without even trying.

 

"Now this is a treat I could never have to much of." She admitted, running a trail of kisses over Rion's cheek to his ear, pausing to nibble on it softly, her breath caressing his ear as she spoke. "I never knew jam could be so much sweeter when you were in love." She admitted softly, trailing her lips over his neck. "Though I think the jam is bitter in comparison to you." She trailed kisses back to Rion's jaw with a smile, stroking his cheek once more as she tenderly kissed his lips. Light, she didn't know what she would do if anything happened to him.

[Kael]

Rion blushed deeply as Jocelyn's tounge lighty touched his nose. He could feel his stomach doing flips, and his hands had a small shake to them. It was still an adventure everytime Jocelyn sat on his lap, no matter how many times it happened. His blood heated to match the haet of his cheeks and his viens pumped desire through his blood, a feeling Jocelyn had only just introduced to him.

 

Rion watched wide eyed as Jocelyn's finger smeared the jam over his lips. Her touch seared, though it proved nothing compared to the sensation of her tounge darting over his lips and finally slippign through his lips. The taste of Jocelyn along with the sweetness of the jam was a blissful taste.

 

Rion breathed deeply as his blood boiled, Jocelyn's lips and breath caressing his cheek and sending shivers down his spine. "I never knew jam could be so much sweeter when you were in love. Though I think the jam is bitter in comparison to you."

 

Rion laughed lightly and softly. In his state he wasn't able to make much of a sound, his mind was to clouded to actually try and say anything. And he didn't really need to as Jocelyn shifted her lips to his. He kissed her softly, matching the tenderness of hers. A moment where just a sweet kiss like that was enough.

 

Rion let his lips linger, reveling in the sweetness of the touch for a few moments. He drew his lips a breaths leangth apart, looking into Jocelyn's eye. His and hers full of love and joy that belitted the somberness of what they had gone through only that morning. "Sweet would not give justice if applied to you. Words cannot describe you with any accuracy. You are perfect in everyway." Rion smiled sheepishly and brushed his lips against hers once again. In every way.

 

 

Rion[/i]

[Jocelyn]

"Sweet would not give justice if applied to you. Words cannot describe you with any accuracy. You are perfect in everyway." Jocelyn smiled at the compliment, returning Rion's tender kiss, her fingers idly stroking the back of his neck. Perfect in everyway? She didn't know about that, though Rion seemed to bring out the best in her, whether he intended to or not.

 

She rubbed her nose against his affectionately, smiling into his eyes. "Funny, I tend to think the same thing about you." She murmured. "Clearly we are meant for each other then, since we are both so perfect." She chuckled softly, dropping a kiss on the tip of Rion's nose. She was far from perfect, but Rion on the other hand...he never ceased to amaze her with his kindness, his consideration. She had lacked for nothing since arriving, he had always done his best to ensure she was happy and comfortable.

 

An image of Rion earlier, upset like she had never seen him before, and her heart broke for him anew. He didn't deserve the worry that came with being a channeller. He didn't deserve the uncertainty, the fear of what may happen to his mind. Why was life so unfair? The only thing she knew was that she would be his constant. Never would she leave him alone to suffer his fate. She would be with him every step of the way, her love for him as strong as ever. Silently she made the vow, to love him as strongly as she did now, for the rest of her days.

 

Smiling to hide her thoughts, Jocelyn planted small kisses across Rion's cheeks and brow. How she would love to make him a formal vow, before witnesses, to claim him as her husband, yet she had no idea how to breach the subject, and Rion had been close mouthed about the whole idea. She loved him, and he her, of that there was no uncertainty, but marriage, well she didn't know. Though it was becoming harder and harder to keep her hands to herself, she had promised herself that she would restrain herself and keep away from Rion's bed until they were married, not wanting to cheapen the love they shared, yet it was getting difficult, the bolder Rion became, the more he threatened to destroy her delicate self-control. Something had to be done about. He was his, and she would have him in every sense of the word. Just how, she did not know.

 

Dropping another soft kiss on his inviting lips, Jocelyn reached for the bread and jam, liking her new seat far better than the wooden one. Handing Rion another slice, she took another bite of her own, still slightly amazed at just how comfortable Rion had become. He must know that anyone could walk into the kitchen and see them like this, yet he seemed to no longer care, something that pleased her greatly.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion blushed lightly at Jocelyn's compliment, he was far from perfect even if she thought he was. Which was perhaps one chief reasons he loved her as much as he did. She loved him for who he was, not becuase of something he was not or some facade he showed the world. With Jocelyn he was simply him, he didn't need to be anything more.

 

Rion sat complacent with his arms around Jocelyn's waist, a large grin on his face from both the ticklish kisses Jocelyn was raining down upon him and from the overwhelming love he felt for Jocelyn. He thanked the light every day for having found Jocelyn, and for what miraculous reason she loved him.

 

Rion sighed happily and leaned his head agianst Jocelyn's shoulder as she took another piece of bread from the table. Everything no longer seemed to matter, the voices inside his head, the worries of the morning, the world around him was forgotten as his world was focused on the woman he loved. The entire Black Tower could have walked through the room and Rion wouldn't have cared in the least.

 

He wanted the world to know how much he loved Jocelyn instead of being embaressed in public by something so simple as a kiss. Albiet the feeling might not go away but he no longer cared if someone saw them together. Strange when only a few weeks ago a simple touch would have made him recoil.

 

Now with his head on Jocelyn's shoulder and his arms around her waist he felt naught but love and happiness. Rion looked into Jocelyn's eyes as she took a small bite from the. He whsipering lightly, "I love you Jocelyn." Rion smiled and slowly put his head back on Jocelyn's shoulder. He squeezed his arms lightly giving Jocelyn a small hug. His world in his arms.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

It still astounded Jocelyn to realise that the most simple things were making her the happiest. She had never been a girl content with what she had, always spoilt and demanding, easily bored with her day to day life, when in fact it had probably been a lot more exciting than the life she led now. But the main difference was Rion, and his love. It was enough. She didn't need anything else to make her happy, though without him her world would surely crumble. Even living a simple life, spending the day doing chores, things she normally would have avoided, made her happy now, because she knew she had Rion with her, and that was all that mattered.

 

She smiled down at Rion, perfectly comfortable in his arms, as he looked up to meet her gaze. "I love you Jocelyn."Such a simple sentence, but the words meant so much, especially when coupled with the love that was evident in his gaze. Even had he not said it, she would know it to be true, purely from the depth of emotion she saw in his blue eyes, mirrored in her own gaze. "I love you too." She replied softly, dropping a kiss on his brow as he leant against her shoulder once more. She rested her own head against his, enjoying the moment of togetherness, just being close and held by the man she loved.

 

Closing her eyes, Jocelyn breathed deeply, Rion's masculine scent filling her head, teasing her senses. If only she could capture this moment, stay here forever. Ignoring the rest of the world and it's troubles, nothing but the two of them and their love, a world of their own. Yet even as she imagined it, she knew it was a fool's hope, pleasant as it was. Try as she might, she could not erase the image of Rion's anguish earlier. Something was not right, it was obvious, yet she had no idea where to even begin to think about a solution. He hadn't outright admitted that something was amiss, but she was not blind, he had not been upset over nothing.

 

Again she pressed her lips softly to his brow, her own arm snaking about his shoulders to hold him close, almost protectively, from whatever it was that threatened their happiness, that she could not see. Jocelyn did not want to bring it up again, did not want to see Rion upset, and nor would she prod him. In good time, she had no doubt he would tell her. Until then, she would do whatever she could to make him happy, to put him at ease. She would protect him, and love him, with all that she had, for all of her days. "All will be well." She whispered into his hair, squeezing him back, forcing her worries aside, focusing on the here and now, the joy that arose from his touch, from having him close, buried in her heart to stay.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

"All will be well."

 

Rion was glad that Jocelyn could not see the look on his face s he did not want to worry her. The secure feeling that he had wrapped in Jocelyn's arms was still not enough to assure him against this feeling. Rion clung to false hopes but he was far from naieve on this subject. There was little hope that all would be well, not any more.

 

You begin to admit it to yourself. Now you see that you cannot live with this false hope. False hope does not exist, my hope and knowing I have Jocelyn's love is all that is keeping me going. How can you say that boy. You have the potential to level an entire city with a wave of your hand, to power undefined and yet you say only hope and love drive you? I do not want power, I don't want to be remembered through history.

 

Rion tried his hardest to make no outward signs of his inner struggle. He remained silent and hid his expression in from Jocelyn trying to take streangth in having her near.

 

But it seemed that his somber mood would not sit idly inside of him. The knowledge that he would need to tell Jocelyn breaking through his want of not making his love worry. His voice was little more of a whisper and laced with the terror that he felt inside. "I'm scared Jocelyn. I'm scared that all will not be as well as I wish."

 

Rion let out a long breath and paused for a moment as he tried to beat back the sorrow threatening to overtake him. "I cannot keep out the voices shouting at me in my head. I can't hide it from you anymore, I didn't want you to worry or lose you. I can't hide that I fear I am going mad and thought...know you need to know that." And to himself, Even if that means I will lose you.

 

 

Rion

[Jocelyn]

"I'm scared Jocelyn. I'm scared that all will not be as well as I wish."Jocelyn held Rion in silence, partly because she was not sure what to say, and partly because she wanted to see if he would continue, hard as it may be. It broke her heart anew, hearing the fear in his voice, knowing that whatever it was doing this to him was out of her control. Instinctively she tightened her arms about him as he continued.

 

"I cannot keep out the voices shouting at me in my head. I can't hide it from you anymore, I didn't want you to worry or lose you. I can't hide that I fear I am going mad and thought...know you need to know that."Jocelyn closed her eyes against the tears that again threatened. How could this be? So many thoughts and questions tumbled about in her mind, but the most predominant thought wondered why the most undeserving man could be lumped with such a terrible burden. He was such a sweet, caring, intelligent man, he did not deserve this anguish, did not deserve the fear or the worry.

 

Lifting his head, Jocelyn kissed Rion softly on the brow, her finger softly stroking his cheek. She could see the pain in his eyes, much as he tried to hide it, the fear and anguish. Why did this have to happen to him? "You will never lose me, my love." She said softly yet firmly. No matter what, she knew she would never leave him, never stop loving him. Valiantly she tried to order her thoughts so she could voice some of her questions, pushing aside her own fear over what may be. Now was not the time to be selfish. "Wha...what do the voices say? And how often?" She asked gently, not knowing what she could do, but hoping some understanding of what he was going through would help.

 

"I don't want you to hide anything from me, whatever happens, we face it together." She bent her head and kissed his furrowed brow softly, her fingertips framing his face, her eyes conveying her unwavering love for him. Light, but she was terrified too, she didn't even want to think of the possibilities this revelation revealed. All that mattered was that she loved him, and would never ever leave him, whatever happened. For better or for worse she was his, whether she had made a formal vow or not.

 

Jocelyn

[Kael]

Rion looked into Jocelyn's eyes and sniffed softly trying to fight back the tears threatening to form in his eyes. He wouldn't, he would keep some semblence of streangth for Jocelyn at least but it was struggle to do so. He held Jocleyn tighter even as he looked into her eyes, tears forming as surely in her eyes as they were in his.

 

And he would not hide anything from her, not any more. He was afraid to hurt her but it would eventually hurt her more if she worried about him and told her later on. Never again would he try and hide things from her. He had tried that today and he could see that Jocelyn had been worried over him and he did not want to hurt her.

 

Rion took a deep shaky breath and sniffed lightly, blinking back the tears forming in his eyes. "There's two. One simply tells what he thinks is best for me. The other..." You are finally going to tell that chit what I think of her then boy? What you should really do to her? Quiet..

 

"The other scares me more than the fact that he is there. He's....He would be what I like if I ever lost complete control. They both come and go but at least once a day." Rion sighed and looked away from Jocelyn's gaze, he couldn't keep it as a tear slowly rolled down his cheek. You can't even bring yourself to tell her what I say. How is it that you are such a coward boy? Rion let out another shaky breath as the fear and despair he had been holding inside of him slowly spilled out of him. He took streangth in Jocelyn's arms. He was hers, for the rest of his life if he could have. Love gave him hope and a blade of grass to grasp to as he slid to the edge.

 

 

Rion