Battle Worn - Retro [ATTN JAYDENA]

[Arie]

Ooc: Just to let you know, we need this thread and the unbound one completed by August for me to get my WS 19. <3 So hopefully we can get this moving fairly quickly??

 

 

Queen of Swords - Return of the Brotherhood of Alamut Prelude

 

• Looking over the edge, the view was rather sobering to say the least as the wind whipped against him. Their ascension of the Stairway of Alamut had taken several hours, mainly due to having to be incredibly careful. Each platform was only fifty feet wide, the result being that a misplaced gateway could leave one trapped in the middle of a mountain or unsuccessfully attempting to emulate a bird. Each gateway had to be tested before they stepped through, either Aran or Jon sticking their hand and then head through the gateway to see what was on the other side. It was slightly disorientating having one's body split in half by a magical force that seperated upper and lower torso by hundreds of feet, but that was part of the process.

 

Alamut.

 

• It wasn't as large as the series of mountains that surrounded it, but one only had to look at it to realise something was different. It's sides remained pitch black even under the deep red sun of the Blight as they curved until they grasped for the sky at a nearly vertical angle. At the last hundred feet, it was then that it was clear that someone had gone to work on the place with the power.

 

• The fortress was not built atop the mountain, the fortress was the mountain top. The large crenels were visible even from their distance, and a single platform jutted out from the Alamut itself. The only place that they could travel to safely, the sole point of entry for them. The effect would only find them halfway on the walkway between the platform and the entry point which was a particularly large archway. No door, they'd never needed one and it acted as an effective bottleneck against any invading force anyway.

 

• As long as they knew that force was coming.

 

• A sideways glance at Aran, seeing the thoughts behind his eyes, and knowing the they all were walking to their death -how is it now she could read him and never before?

 

Alamut.

 

• It was a different scene. The stakes were different and it was the life of many for that of a few. Stakes where the odds were not a thousand to one but hundred to one. Highly skilled men and women to rescue the figureheads of two divisions of the Tower. Odds that at first glance could be considered better than what was faced in the past.

 

• The odds lie.

 

The swords bled against the frozen stone. Her armor pierced upon first contact. The blades stun her skin. The pain ignored.

 

• Terrible, unforgivable lying odds that left Cairma with that trickle of unease scouring down her spine. Naked without the massive sword against her back she could not even lie to herself knowing that it made very little difference in the outcome of this assault. Calmly, her breath shallow and at ease her eyes vigilant leaving her mind -her instincts- pitching forth at a speed ready to destroy anything in her wake. Should that be enough maybe Cairma would have felt a little better with the instructions given her. However, even that was a lie.

 

Watch Sana!

 

Fluid movements brought her closer to her query, the proximity brought her closer to see the white in the eyes of death. Another falls and a father lives for another breath.

 

• The man had his unborn child within and leaving him to help risked them all but even she did not have the heart to tell him to stay behind. They needed him just as much as they needed the wayward Wolfkin. Anton had been a bit of a surprise to see on this trip, but no words needed to be exchanged. Too much had changed and neither she nor Aran carried the shadow of what happened in the Blight. Aran loved Aramina; it was that simple. She was not about to impose a child on the man after denying him when he needed it then. Cairma could hardly be so cruel.

 

Follow Anton. Find Rosheen. Find Aramina. Find Sahra. Get out. Stay out.

 

Silence. The hallways were silent. Cries rang out from across the keep. Another battle. Cairma paused to look. Not hers. Move!

 

• Simple orders. Impossible odds. If she stopped for a moment to admit anything it would be that she felt naked. Naked in the bitter-cold terrain. Cairma stayed pace with Anton while the others only half a step behind. The Kin were always fast on their feet. She did not have a sword to weigh her down. She was nearly as fast. Impressions waited as they checked over the corridors. Nodding to Maev, the woman looked over and motioned for the next to pass as Anton lead the way. Too many corners, too many paths. Without the wolfkin's nose Cairma would have sworn herself dead before finding the way out; let alone getting out alive.

 

No words.

 

• Deep within the keep, they searched. Picking off any stray that was fortunate enough to walk their way.

 

• One more dead was one less to fight upon return.

 

If they returned.

 

---

 

 

Her eyes stained with the tears over the dead and her throat ached from the vile screams that were followed by an unpleasant stomach. The body warmed against the fires of the camp, heating a meal that she could not dare to stomach, while silence around the fire of her private camp allowed the whispers of the creatures that lived in the moonlight freedom to play; unbidden by their intrusion. Cairma could not look at the woman across from her. Her own bonded Aes Sedai who lived within her mind sat numbly across from her and she could not even meet her eyes.

 

It was not Jaydena's fault. How could it be her fault for any of this? Cairma wanted to switch the blame to the truth, but the truth was lost to the absence of emotion within her very soul. How cold it was that not even the fire in front of them could not warm her. Her heart had died back there. Her entire belief in all things that gave the world meaning died in the cold mountains. Sworn to never speak its name, Cairma could not help but cry out with her shattered heart that his name would never be lost. How could a man so renown,  one that touched everything and wove it to such a way ... Ta'veren she would even dare call him, would die to a place that could never cross her lips.

 

Alamut.

 

How dare he! How dare he! He should have lived.

 

A tear ran down her cheek as she stared into the fire. She had thought that all her tears had been shed. How wrong she was. Jamie lay waiting at him and may never know how much his father did love him. That crazy uncle that spoiled and taught him all the things to make his mother angry would never know; or may never understand just how much his father had loved him. Gods . . .

 

"I can't do this... I'm done. No more." Cairma spoke. The declaration like a statement of faith with not but a peice of emotion behind it. Not even the words, as they were spoken, harnessed any form of indecision. She didn't even want to return to those barracks without seeing him. Even if he was Aramina's, he would have been at the very least alive. Cairma could not bare it. She could not think to turn those corners and not see him there. Even his body broken before her could not bring her to even fight back. Cairma no longer possessed any energy to fight back. The Ren'Shai warrior had indeed truly given up. "I am retiring. I'm going to take Jamie and leave the Tower."

 

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

Ren'Shai Grandmaster

[Jaydena]

All she wanted was to lower her head and lay it on her knees, to just let the tears fall, and to admit defeat. To just once admit that she had had enough, that this was more than she had signed uo for when she took this gig. That she couldn't handle anymore death, more blood, more smoke, or the smell of burning flesh. It had been just like every single battle she had been in since she had become a Sister of the Green. Yet again her warder had been almost killed and so had she, what she did every day was walk the fine razor edge of death and somehow come out alive. She shook her head and pushed the emotions down, she knew part of it was the emotions coming from her bonded who sat across the camp fire from her. The woman was ready to give up and she could understand her pain and her frustration. In that last while she had been through more than any person should have to endure, the man she loved in love with another, finding out she was pregnant from that same man, having him give his life for hers and that of their unborn child, and then giving birth with no man at her side. Raising her red blood shot eyes, painfully sore from the smoke, and looked over at Cairma, she had been there through most of it, but she couldn't heal what had happened to her beloved gaidin. She couldn't take the woman in her arms and just heal her until it all went away. Having the ultimate power didn't mean anything when you couldn't hurt that which was causing pain to the ones you loved the most.

 

She laughed softly under her breath, oh yes she would have loved to have that power in the past. To have healed Seia from that pain that she had endured at the hands of Solin, to have taken the pain away from Sirayn when she was raped and tortured by her own son. To take away the pain of losing a bonded from her gaidar Raisa, or from Morgan who's brother had become a Darkfriend and convinced her to become a Darkfriend in her dreams. Oh yes there were so many people she had loved or still loved that she would take the pain away from. Maybe then she would still have Seia beside her each night, holding her tight, and kissing her good night with love in her eyes. It seemed like she was never good enough, or strong enough, or enough of anything for anyone that she loved. Biting her lip she stared at Cairma and tried to stop the tears from falling, she didn't know how much more she could take. She had watched sisters she had fought beside fall in that battle today. Slayed by the blades of people they had fought to protect from birth. How much more could a soul be expected to take and still stay in tact, she thought, but than she had never been in tact, for many years her soul had shown signs of wear. Great big jagged holes in it from the parts that people ripped out when they left her life.

 

She glanced around, she knew well what battles did to a person, and how it could either make them think their life was over or that they were the strongest and most powerful person to live. Jade had felt the effects many a time, yet her she sat, letting it get to her, letting her own pain feed into the pain her gaidar was feeling. Regaining her power she looked over at Cairma and the other woman spoke,  "I can't do this... I'm done. No more. I am retiring. I'm going to take Jamie and leave the Tower." She shook her head and waited for the other woman to look up, but the other woman wouldn't look her way, she just kept her head down and refused to look at her. "What do you mean you are leaving me. You can't leave me Cairma, we are bonded for life, until death do us part, and unless I am missing something and we are already dead, we are both very much alive. Despite your obvious attempts to kill yourself in the battle today." She couldn't help but believe that Cairma had been trying to join Aran today, she knew that Jade would take care of Jamie if anything happened to her. Folding her hands at her waist she waited for Cairma to speak...

 

Jaydena Mckanthur

[Jaydena]

*hip checks*

[Jaydena]

*laughs and hip checks again*

[Arie]

 

Cairma stayed silent, and the minutes dragged in their silence. Her mind numb with thoughts that massed over like clouds in winds so high that not even the tree's moved. How could she explain it to Jaydena who clearly has gone through her own battles and truly has earned the colour of her shawl. What could she say? Cairma was stumped.

 

"I didn't try to die." She whispered in defiance. "We came here to rescue Sahra, Aramina Sedai and Rosheen. We came here for these reasons and I have every intention to return home to Jamie in Tar Valon. He turns 4 today, did you know? Four years of denying him a father and when I finally have the nerve to feel safe with Aran being that father he always wanted to be he..."

 

Cairma fell silent. She couldn't say it. She couldn't bring herself to say it, but she did anyway. "...dies. I have seen so much death, so many things have hurt and I think it's time to retire. I have a son to think of and I must do what I can to protect him. I'm not going to lie to you and say that you are what my world revolves around because you don't. You deserve better in a warder than a woman who has a son. You deserve better than me; a broken woman who just saw the man she loves die." She shut back the tears refusing them the freedom to fall. She couldn't let them come to her so easily. If she could convince Jaydena of anything it was that she was tired, so very tired, and no longer had the heart to serve. She didn't. This was her last battle.

[Arie]

*Friendly Bump*

[Jaydena]

Jaydena glared at the top of the other woman's head, feeling all of the emotions she shouldn't be as an emotionless Aes Sedai. Letting all of them out and letting them flow through the bond. This couldn't be happening, she couldn't be losing another Warder in the space of a few years. "I didn't try to die. We came here to rescue Sahra, Aramina Sedai and Rosheen. We came here for these reasons and I have every intention to return home to Jamie in Tar Valon. He turns 4 today, did you know? Four years of denying him a father and when I finally have the nerve to feel safe with Aran being that father he always wanted to be he..." She could feel the heart wrenching pain coming through the bond, and she was sure that they were mirroring each other and making that emotion even stronger, one of the drawbacks of being bonded to a female warder she had found. There was not denying that Cairma loved Aran, no doubt at all in her mind. Of course she had loved others just as Cairma had and she had had to keep going and fufill her duty to the White Tower. Cairma had a duty to the WT and to her and she couldn't just walk away to play Mommy.

 

"...dies. I have seen so much death, so many things have hurt and I think it's time to retire. I have a son to think of and I must do what I can to protect him. I'm not going to lie to you and say that you are what my world revolves around because you don't. You deserve better in a warder than a woman who has a son. You deserve better than me; a broken woman who just saw the man she loves die." She watched the woman and than finally spoke, "Your right Cairma in many ways but Cairma you made a promise to me before you were with Aran, you took an oath to me, and you owe me that. However as you said, your world doesn't revolve around me, and it should, I deserve to have a Gaidar for once who doesn't care more about another woman, or the Dark side, or their lost sibling than they do about the bond we made and the honor they claim they have to me but always seem to forget in their own selfish goals. That baby deserves to have a Mother, after all he lost his Father today." She looked away as the tears gathered in her eyes, Aran had been a friend in many ways, and it hurt to think that the brave young man had been lost like so many had. Embracing the source, she wove a weave that not many had ever had to do, but she had had to do it four times now and she would never forget how it felt each time. Like a bunch in the gut to lose that connection, to no longer have that ball of emotions in your head.

 

She let the weave settle over Cairma, removing the bond, and gained her feet. Turning away she spoke over her shoulder, "Hopefully someday you will realize what you gave up and what you could have had. You could have had both of us but you decided to abandon me. Why should I be surprised, that's what everyone does to me. It doesn't matter how hard I work, or the sacrafices I give, I am never good enough for anyone, and this is just another example of that. I wish you well Cairma my beloved former Gaidar, may your chance at Motherhood be all you wish it to be and may he grow up to be a charming young man who doesn't meet the fate of you, Aran, or I." She wove a quick weave brushing air and a bit spirit across the other woman's lips, and using the same weave to wrap invisible arms around her and squeeze. With that she walked away and prepared to leave, she didn't care if she had to travel in the dark. She was getting away from all this pain and the woman that like so many others had once again broken her heart...

Jaydena Mckanthur